Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji (Remastered)

by Rei Ryuugazaki

[College AU] Prompt: Victor is harboring two hopeless crushes: one on the cute boy with glasses in his art history class and the other on the sexy, mysterious figure who skates alone on the local outdoor rink at night. / Victor Nikiforov and Yuri Katsuki share an art history for a semester and it turns out staring isn't rude after all.

55. Chapter 55

Ryuugazaki: Oh yeah, I forgot to say this when I last updated, but we are literally FIVE chapters away from the end of 36 Views.

I can't wait.

Enjoy.

---

Chapter Fifty-Five

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 5:15am, Marseille, France)

Victor had to leave Yuuri because his rink mate was being petulant, and his coach wanted him to handle this. Yuuri didn't understand it, but Yuuri wasn't going to keep Victor from his duties. So Victor left. And when he left, Yuuri started crying again. There were several reasons for them crying this time, and none of them were easily resolvable. Their phone was ringing right now; it was Olivia. Despite everything Olivia has put them through, what they've sworn themselves to do, and their track record of making questionable decisions, Yuuri decided to pick up.

"Hey."

"Hello," Yuuri murmured. They wiped their eyes and cleared their throat. "Hello," Yuuri said again.

"Today's the big day," Olivia said. "Let's FaceTime." Olivia sent the FaceTime request, and Yuuri accepted it. Olivia was lying in bed in the dark. "Are you excited?"

"Not really, no," Yuuri said. They turned on the lights and laid back down. They reached for their flowers and brought them to their face. "I don't want to be here."

"Well, you're there. You might as well skate." Yuuri shrugged and rolled on their side to look at Olivia. "You're going to do very well. Not gold medal well, but well." Yuuri rolled their eyes. They don't need to be reminded that they aren't going to get the gold. Maybe silver or bronze if they're lucky. Maybe. "I believe in you."

"I would say thank you, but I have a speech impediment," Yuuri said. Olivia sucked her teeth.

"What do you want to do when you come back?"

"With you or in general?"

"Either one."

"I don't know." Yuuri looked at their fingers. "It all depends on how I feel after I get home. I might not want to do anything."

"Well, you know that I'm here if you're in the mood to do anything."

"I know you are," Yuuri murmured. "You don't seem to care about the boundaries of my relationship."

"Nor do you," Olivia teased. "We're both in the wrong here."

"I know," Yuuri said. "And I have every intention to fix that."

"And how are you going to do that?" Yuuri shrugged. "Well, when you fix that, let me know. I'd love to hear about this."

"I'm sure you would." Olivia sat up and turned on the light. She started to move her arms above her head. "What are you doing?"

"I'm fixing my hair," Olivia said. When she was done, she laid back down. Olivia didn't bother to turn off her lights. When she laid down, she was smiling. "I'm so glad you picked up tonight." Yuuri nodded and yawned. "How's your boyfriend?"

"He's fine."

"Does he miss you?" Yuuri remained silent. "Have you even talked to him?"

"I have."

"And?"

"He misses me," Yuuri murmured. "I had breakfast with Khoudia's parents yesterday."

"Oh? And how are they?"

"They're fine," Yuuri said, stifling a yawn. "They think I have a girlfriend. Khoudia's mom asked me if she was pretty."

"And? What'd you tell her?"

"That my 'girlfriend' is gorgeous, and they make me too happy for words." Olivia nodded. "Khoudia's mom called me 'hummingbird.' She's so adorable." Yuuri audibly gushed and smiled. "I love Khoudia's mom. She's so nice to me." Yuuri's smile wouldn't fade.

"I love your smile." Yuuri rolled on their front and buried their face in their pillow. Yuuri, although they'd hate to admit it, was flattered by Olivia's compliment. "I know you said that you don't know what you want to do when you get home, but maybe we can go out for something that weekend."

"Maybe. I'll think about it," Yuuri said. "I don't really know what I want to or should do when I get back."

"We can go see a movie if you want," Olivia suggested. Yuuri shrugged. "Not in the mood for a movie?" Yuuri shook their head. "Well, what would you like to do?"

"I literally don't know," Yuuri said. "I'll text you when I have an idea, but I doubt that I will." Olivia rolled her eyes and shrugged. "So which cousin are you staying with exactly?"

"Alessandra." Yuuri nodded. "She's loving Italy. I wish I could've gone."

"You spent like three years in France," Yuuri said. "You had time."

"Between being engaged and the backpacking, not really."

"You literally just said you was backpacking. You could've backpacked to Italy."

"Okay shut up now," Olivia said. "How about go out for drinks or food?"

"You know I'm wary about going out for drinks with you, right?"

"I know, but tell me why," Olivia said.

"Last time I drank with you, you shoved your tongue in my mouth." Yuuri rolled on their side again. "I'm not sure if I want to relive that. Especially considering this past Saturday."

"Are you still worked up over that?" Yuuri nodded. "Nothing even happened. You have nothing to be worked up about."

"Except that I do because I could have slept with you that night."

"You're all shook up about tear stains and could-have-beens; you didn't sleep with me. I couldn't even kiss you because you were so shaken." Olivia sighed. "Saturday was nothing." Yuuri let out a sound. "Did it… did it mean something to you?" Yuuri let out another sound. Olivia started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Yuuri asked.

"You are." Yuuri frowned. They don't get the joke. "You've remained the same, and it's just so funny!" Yuuri sighed and rolled on their front again. They placed their pillow over their head. Olivia kept laughing.

"It isn't that funny," Yuuri murmured.

"I think it's pretty funny."

"Then maybe the humor is just lost on me."

"Humor is usually lost on you," Olivia said. She stopped laughing finally. Yuuri didn't miss this at all. "How about… how about we go out for dinner and maybe drinks – maybe. If you're up to it, that is." Yuuri shrugged. "I can't wait for you to come back."

"You're only saying that because you want me in your bed." Olivia sheepishly chuckled. "You're not even going to try to deny it."

"I can't. I want you in my bed." She shrugged. "And I feel like part of you wants to be in my bed, too." Yuuri rolled their eyes. "Don't you?"

"I shouldn't answer that. I have a boyfriend."

"A boyfriend that you didn't think about while you were tempting this God-fearing woman." Yuuri sighed. They didn't need this at all. "Are you tired?"

"Very," Yuuri mumbled.

"Perdono?"

"I'm very tired right now," Yuuri said, speaking up. They removed their head from under their pillow and placed it properly. "I'm going to bed. Good morning."

"Good night," Olivia said. She ended the call and Yuuri sighed. After that abortion of a call, Yuuri decided to check their texts. Khoudia had texted Yuuri sometime between Victor coming over and Yuuri dozing off. She had sent them a meme and a picture of them from back in the day. It was back when Yuuri's hair was longer, and they had fewer bags under their eyes. Khoudia was somehow shorter, and her hair was as short as she was. It was a time that brought its own complexities.

And Olivia seemed to be a constant complexity for the both of them.

Yuuri looked at the photo Khoudia had sent them and smiled. They decided to text her back.

: Look at us, all young and carefree
: And look at us now, all old, stressed, and gay
: A tragedy
Khoudia: Honestly. Truly.
: Go to bed. You have to sleep.
Khoudia: The same can be said for you ((eyes emoji))

Yuuri rolled their eyes.

Khoudia: Can I come through real quick?
: No. Go to bed.
Khoudia: Come onnnn
: No
: [has sent an attachment]

Yuuri sent a picture of themselves, deadpan.

Khoudia: Come on. Don't be like that.
Khoudia: My parents are asleep and I'm bored
: Still no.
Khoudia: I'll only stay for five minutes
: …Only five minutes?

Yuuri rolled their eyes at themselves for allowing themselves to be worn down so quick.

Khoudia: Yes pls I am DYING up here, and my dad's snoring is annoying me lol
Khoudia: I have no clue how my mom lives with that racket
: Fine. Come through.
Khoudia: AYE
: But ONLY five minutes.
Khoudia: These are five minutes you won't ever regret!
: Yeah, yeah, come through before I change my mind.

Yuuri sighed and forced themselves up. They got up to unlock their door for Khoudia and went to sit down. Before Yuuri knew it, Khoudia was trying to tip-toe in.

"I'm up," Yuuri said.

"Oh good!" Khoudia stopped trying to be quiet and just forced herself in. She sat at the foot of Yuuri's bed. Yuuri had a timer going. Khoudia looked over at their phone. "You really want me out of here in five minutes?"

"Tick tick, Kiki," Yuuri said. Khoudia lightly shoved them.

"My parents are asleep, and I'm bored." Yuuri nodded. "Do you want to do something when we get home?"

"Oh! Another request for socialization!" Khoudia looked at Yuuri.

"Should I ask?"

"Does it really matter if you do?"

"Fine, I'll bite: Who are the other requests from?"

"Just Olivia. And Victor, but at a later date."

"Victor is fine. Chuck Olivia in the trash though." "What did she suggest that you two do?"

"She suggested that we go out for drinks. I told her that I don't want to drink with her because of last time." Khoudia nodded. "I don't think I'll be doing anything with her."

"Good," Khoudia said. "She doesn't deserve your time. You have people who love and value you in your life, and she is not one of those people."

"Didn't you say that she loves me?" Yuuri looked at their phone.

"She loves you, but not in a way that is good. Her love is childish. When she learns how to elevate herself and how she loves, you can talk to her again, but, until then, you shouldn't be with her. Plus, you have one of the greatest people on this Earth love-struck. Don't fuck that up because of someone's immature love."

"Do I deserve love?"

"As my mother said, you deserve all the happiness in the world. And that happiness extends to love." Khoudia kissed Yuuri's head. "You deserve unfiltered happiness and pure love." Yuuri nodded and looked at their fingers.

"Can we go shopping when we get home?" Khoudia made a face.

"Shopping for what exactly? I don't think Phichit would approve of any more shopping sprees."

"I would like a few dresses." Yuuri looked over at Khoudia. She was looking at her hands. "I shouldn't have said that, shouldn't I?"

Khoudia put her hand on their shoulder. "We should get you some cute bras and panties, too."

"I was just asking to get dresses, but –"

"No, if you're going to get cute dresses, you need to get cute underwear, too," Khoudia said. "You know what would look great on you? Tights. You need tights, too."

"All I wan–"

"And earrings! We can get your ears pierced finally! I've been waiting for this day since you told me the thing!" Khoudia started to pat Yuuri's shoulder frantically. "And Sephora! We can go to Sephora! You need better eyeliner anyway. That cheap $1 eyeliner is not cutting it for you." Khoudia smiled "And I can get the Moonchild palette! I'll have to hide it from Didi and Fatou, though." Khoudia bit her lip. "But we can also pick up some nice perfumes for you. You'll have to tell me what kind of pretty smells you like to wear so we can pick up something nice."

"But I –"

"And we can get your eyebrows threaded and get our nails done together!" Khoudia scratched her eyebrows. "It's been a while since I got my brows threaded. It's starting to look like there's a caterpillar on my forehead." Khoudia laughed. Yuuri rolled their eyes and threw their head back. They laid on their bed. "Ooh, you know what else you need? A cute necklace. We can get you a cute necklace, too." Yuuri made a sound; Khoudia kept talking. "You're going to look like such a cute girl!" Khoudia gushed. "I mean, you're already a cute girl but – this! This'll be great!" Yuuri smiled inwardly and didn't bother to cut Khoudia off anymore. "Do you want me to use female pronouns for you now?"

"I don't know." Yuuri looked at Khoudia's back. "But I do know that this," Yuuri gestured, "is making me uncomfortable now and I feel disgusting." Khoudia started to look down at Yuuri's feet. "What?"

"Do you have nail polish at home?"

"Not any nice ones, no," Yuuri murmured.

"We can pick out a nice color for you when we go shopping, too." Yuuri nodded. "I don't know if there are any shoes your size, though. Your feet are huge."

"Thanks for reminding me." Khoudia laid down next to Yuuri. She focused on their mouth. "What now?"

"What shade of lipstick would look good on you?"

"I'm content with just using Vaseline."

"No, no, no. You need lipstick. And eyeshadow. And mascara."

"But my eyelashes are just fine," Yuuri protested.

"Your eyelashes are luscious, but you have to make them pop!" Khoudia popped the p. "Are you going to grow your hair out?" Yuuri nodded. "When it gets long enough, I can take you to the salon, and you can get your hair did. Do you want to try out curls again?"

"I don't know," Yuuri murmured. Khoudia reached over and touched Yuuri's eyelids.

"You need to get some good skin moisturizer, too."

"Well, what did Mama put on my face earlier?"

"Palmer's cocoa butter."

"Then I'll get that," Yuuri said. Khoudia looked down at Yuuri's fingers. "I like the way it smells." Khoudia nodded.

"I hope there are nice people are working in Sephora when we go. They could give you some good makeup pointers." Yuuri nodded. The alarm went off. "Ah, we're not done here. Turn that off." Yuuri did as Khoudia said and turned off the alarm. "Maybe you can get a nice wig, too."

"I don't need a wig."

"Okay but hear me out: You can get a new wig," Khoudia justified. "And it could be black, or it could be a pretty pastel color."

"I want to look like a normal girl. Not a cosplayer."

"Then get a long, black wig." Khoudia yawned. "You have a fat baby face. You'll pass with a long wig." Yuuri yawned and scrunched up their face. "You're going to look great. Believe me."

"I regret this already."

"Don't." Khoudia kissed Yuuri's forehead. "You're such a pretty girl."

"Thank you," Yuuri said. They yawned.

"Do you have breast forms already?" Yuuri shook their head. "You'll need those to go in your bra. You're like what? A 38C? Your chest isn't that broad." Khoudia started to bite the side of her thumb. "Also, you might need some shapewear. You already have hips, but you'll need more booty." Yuuri blinked.

"Is all of this necessary?"

"Yes," Khoudia said. She sat up and looked at Yuuri.

"I don't want to feel like a faker."

"And you're not. You are valid." Yuuri shrugged. "You are beautiful, and I will validate you until the day I die. But then I'll be a ghost, and my ghost will validate you. So there will never be a moment in which you aren't validated." Khoudia got off the bed. "I should probably get upstairs now, but we can continue this later." Yuuri sat up to hug Khoudia.

"I love you so much, Khoudia."

"And I love you, too." Khoudia patted Yuuri's back and ruffled their hair. "I have to get back upstairs now, but I love you, you are great, and you are valid." Yuuri nodded. Khoudia kissed their forehead for the final time this morning and left the room.

Yuuri sighed and went to turn off the lights. They crawled back into bed. Yuuri reached for their phone and scrolled through their photos. They stopped at the pictures from the park. Yuuri realized two things looking at them: 1) that they do look dead – or, at least, vastly different from how they look now and 2) the look in Victor's eyes hasn't changed at all. He still has that lovey, enamored look in their eyes. Yuuri looked at the photos and closed their eyes. At that moment, they felt disgusted and felt disgusted for feeling this disgust. Victor didn't deserve this and Yuuri knew what they'd have to do. They felt bad for it, but it had to be done.

And so, Yuuri closed their eyes and tried to get their mind off of Victor's shiny, lovey, turquoise eyes.

#

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 7:22am, Marseille, France)

"Yuuri!" Khoudia said from the other side of the door. She knocked at the door repeatedly. Yuuri felt strangely groggy, but they forced themselves out of bed and went to answer it. Khoudia was dressed and holding her coat. "Breakfast!"

"I just woke up," Yuuri said. "Are your parents already ready?" Khoudia shook her head.

"My mom just got up, too," Khoudia said. She came in and put her coat on the back of the chair. She turned the chair around and faced it towards Yuuri's bed. She sat down. "So when I went upstairs earlier, I was thinking about if there are any Sephora stores in the area."

"And?" Yuuri rubbed their eyes and sat on their bed.

"Do you want the good news or bad news first?" Yuuri shrugged. "Actually, that question was irrelevant. If I format it in the way of bad news first, it throws off the entire thing." Khoudia haphazardly gestured. Yuuri's eyes lolled, and they leaned backward. "The good news is that there are several! The bad news is that the closest ones are a 45-minute walk away." Yuuri nodded. "I thought that we could go and get you some quality eyeliner now rather than wait to get back home."

"I think I would prefer to go to the Sephora at home. After I've had time to explain everything to Phichit."

"Oh, don't worry. He already knows." Yuuri sat up and blinked. "I was excited. Let me be excited about things."

"Great, now Phichit is going to tell Adé –"

"By the way, Phichit and Adé want to come with us when we shop." Yuuri looked at Khoudia. "Adé insisted that we need a man's opinion and he offered to help carry the bags." Yuuri pursed their lips. "And Phichit wants to come to be moral support and get footage."

"What next? Masabeeh and Tal'at want to come?"

"Now that I think about it, Masabeeh and Tal'at should come!" Khoudia shot up. "I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner! Tal'at can help with picking out underwear and Masabeeh can help me with getting the right colors for you! We can all help you look your best!"

"Dear God," Yuuri murmured.

"I'll beg my Dad to let me use the car. We're going to have a lot of bags anyway." Yuuri put their head in their hands. "Also, we're going to have to go to Canada." Yuuri blanched. "The Devonshire Mall has some nice shops. It would be a shame if we didn't go there."

"Khoudia, is any of this necessary?"

"Yes! It's very necessary!" Khoudia went to Yuuri's suitcase and knelt in front of it.

"What are you doing now?"

"I need to get a sense of what you wear now and see if that can translate to looking femme." Khoudia unzipped Yuuri's suitcase and started to unpack and unfold clothes. "So far? I think you already own a lot of femme clothes – if your pastels, harem pants, and florals are anything I can go by." Khoudia held up a pair of pants. "Maybe we can get you some jeans, too."

"I already have jeans."

"They make you look male. You have to accentuate what hips you do have. And if you let me get you gaines, we can try to work around the fact that your normal jeans don't accentuate your hips."

"But I just want dresses." Khoudia looked back at Yuuri.

"And we'll get you cute dresses. But it's cold, and you don't wear midi dresses when it's cold."

"You do," Yuuri pointed out.

"Okay, but I'm a hoe so," Khoudia said. "When you level up in the life of hoe, you can wear midi dresses when it's 10ºF out. You have to be a certain level hoe to not get cold in a thot dress." Yuuri rolled their eyes.

"And I'm not at that level?"

"You have to convince someone that you didn't get fingered in a movie theatre to be on that level." Yuuri made a face. "It's a long story," Khoudia said as she turned towards Yuuri's clothes. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?"

"I need to know about this fingering story," Yuuri said. They turned towards Khoudia. Yuuri felt their spine crack.

"I'll tell you later. Get ready for breakfast."

"But in a movie theatre?"

"Yes, in a movie theatre." Khoudia refolded a shirt and placed it on top of a pair of jeans. "Now go get ready." Yuuri acquiesced to Khoudia's subtle command. Yuuri had a lot to think about: this group shopping effort which has the potential to be a disaster, Victor, the Grand Prix and not disappointing everyone, what they're going to do regarding Olivia, etc. So Yuuri forced themselves into the bathroom to shower despite not having the motivation to do so.

#

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 8:23am, Marseille, France)

The shower went… less than favorably. Yuuri didn't feel relieved or clean or pure or less groggy after their shower; instead, they felt dirtier and fuzzier than before. A longer shower wasn't in the cards. Yuuri had to get out in time for breakfast with Khoudia's parents. Khoudia was sitting on Yuuri's bed; her phone plugged up to their laptop. She yawned.

"Finally, you're out of the shower," she said. "I was wondering if I had to send out a party for you."

"Well, I'm out now. You can lay your concerns to rest."

"What is it with you and my dad taking these long showers?" Yuuri shrugged and put on their shirt – the pièce de résistance. "Are you really going to wear that?" Khoudia was referring to that shirt they bought in Moscow. Yuuri nodded. Khoudia just blinked. "Alright, then. Wear that ugly shirt."

"It's not ugly. Just look at it!" Yuuri posed for Khoudia, and she rolled her eyes. "Look at how the light does the thing on this part!" Yuuri pointed to the silvery sections of the shirt. "And look at the blues on this part!" Yuuri pointed to the various shades of blue. "And it's so soft! Touch it!" Yuuri ran to Khoudia and leaned in. Khoudia begrudgingly touched Yuuri's soft, versicolored shirt. Yuuri pulled Khoudia's head to their chest. "Touch it with your face! It's softer that way!" Khoudia did as Yuuri said and rubbed her face up and down the shirt.

"I don't see the appeal." She shrugged. "Are you done getting ready? My dad called while you were dressing." Yuuri nodded. "Remember to put on a scarf and wear your hat properly, so my mom doesn't lay into us again."

"If I remember correctly, she was more so laying into you rather than me." Khoudia rolled her eyes. She looked over at Yuuri's flowers and picked them up to examine them. "Where'd you get these from? You didn't buy any flowers with me last night."

"Victor gave them to me last night. They said that the flowers reminded him of me." Yuuri sat on the bed and looked at their flowers. They smiled.

"That's so sweet!" Khoudia gushed. "Victor is so sweet!" Khoudia slid onto the floor and groaned. "Why is he so sweet?!"

"I don't know," Yuuri said. They placed their flowers back on the nightstand. "I have no clue what I did to deserve someone so pure and good, but I have him, and it makes me anxious and afraid."

"Have you told him that?" Yuuri looked at Khoudia. "Right, you don't tell him anything. Which is a problem."

"You think I don't know it's a problem?" Yuuri said. "There's so much Victor doesn't know about me that he should know about me. But what? He doesn't know, and I feel bad that he doesn't know. I would tell him things, but I don't even know where to start." Khoudia got up and went to her coat. "Are you just going to ignore me now?" Yuuri looked at her put on her coat.

"No. We just need to get downstairs." Khoudia walked over to Yuuri's coat and hoodie and tossed it to them. "And, I don't know. Does he even know your favorite food?" Yuuri shook their head and put on their hoodie. "I'd start with that. Maybe you can surprise him with it."

"I won't be able to make it like my mom does."

"He won't know the difference," Khoudia said. Yuuri went over to the desk to put on their shoes. Khoudia laughed. "He really won't know the difference. All he'd know and care about is that his theyfriend made him their favorite dish." Yuuri rolled their eyes and went back over to their coat. They shrugged it on and zipped it up. "Do you have everything?" Yuuri patted their coat pockets. "Are you sure?"

"Are you insinuating that I'm missing something and you have it?"

"No, I'm insinuating that you're a space cadet and you might not have everything like you think you do." Yuuri rolled their eyes. "But I'll believe you. You say you have everything? You say you have everything." Khoudia shrugged and grabbed her phone and her charger. "Let's go before my parents call."

And so, Yuuri followed her out of the room and to the elevator.

"Did you lock the door?" Yuuri nodded. Khoudia pressed the down button. Yuuri shifted their weight from their left leg to the right leg and back again. "So, what did you and the Jupiter Conservator do last night?" Khoudia nudged Yuuri's forcefully. Yuuri laughed.

"Victor laid with me until his coach called for him." Khoudia smiled. "It was sweet." Yuuri started laughing again. "What is it with your unnatural curiosity about what Victor and I do when we're together?"

"I want to know that you're happy and okay when you're with him," Khoudia explained. "Let me live." Yuuri chuckled.

"Why wouldn't I be okay when I'm with him?" Yuuri questioned. "Victor hasn't done anything that made me feel not okay. He's a great guy." Yuuri sighed. "He's too great." Khoudia looked over at Yuuri.

"And you're perfect for each other."

"That's a rather idyllic abstract," Yuuri said. "In a perfect world, we would be perfect for each other, but we aren't." Khoudia rolled her eyes.

"Shut up and accept it," Khoudia said. "I don't know what else I can tell you to make you feel better except just simply 'shut up and accept it.' You two are together, and you're great." The elevator finally came, offering a distraction for the both of them. "You usually use black eyeliner, right?" Yuuri nodded. "We should expand your palate." Khoudia looped her arm through Yuuri's. She pushed the button for the first floor. "What is it with you? Why are you like this?"

"I don't know," Yuuri murmured. Khoudia leaned on Yuuri's arm.

When they got downstairs, Khoudia's parents were nowhere to be found. Yuuri kept eyeballing the door, but, no matter how many times Yuuri looked, Mama Awa and Mouhamadou weren't there.

"Stop looking at the door," Khoudia said. "They aren't going to be there no matter how many times you look." Yuuri sighed and rolled their pretty eyes. Yuuri checked their phone. They had texts from Phichit and Mari.

Mari: Is the Grand Prix starting today?
: It is.
Mari: Good luck, little brother.
Mari: You can do this.
: Thank you.
Mari: So, what are you doing before The Big Thing™?

Yuuri yawned.

: Going out for breakfast with a rink mate and her family.
: They aren't here yet.
Mari: Why don't you go out for breakfast by yourself?
: I don't feel like it. Plus, I'm already with my rink mate so I might as well.

Khoudia gently nudged Yuuri to show them a meme from Instagram. Yuuri chuckled. "Who are you texting?" Khoudia asked.

"Mari." Khoudia nodded. She looked over at Yuuri's phone. Then Khoudia took out her phone.

Mari: Well, have a nice big breakfast.
Mari: Mom is having a viewing party for you.
: Oh nooo tell her to NOT do that.
Mari: Lol why?
: Because I don't need all of my failings exposed.
Mari: There's a taste in my mouth as desperation takes hold.
: Nice

Khoudia nudged Yuuri again. "My dad said we could just go."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"Mom got her period, and she's having hot flashes." Yuuri nodded. Khoudia looped her arm through Yuuri's again. "So we can just go." Yuuri nodded. "Do you want to go to the same café as yesterday or do you want to try something new?"

"We can go to the same one. They had a pretty plant in there," Yuuri said. Yuuri got up from their seat and pulled Khoudia up with them. They walked out of the door, arm in arm to the café.

When Yuuri and Khoudia reached the café, it was as sparse as yesterday. They were seated quickly, and they decided on croissants and hot chocolate. When they got their food, Khoudia decided to open up her mouth.

"I can't believe Victor was in the café with us yesterday!" Khoudia said before she took a sip of hot chocolate. "That was so exciting!"

"You didn't even know about it until I told you."

"I know, but still!" Khoudia gushed. "He was there! We were there!" Khoudia moved her hands wildly and almost knocked over her hot chocolate. Yuuri steadied it for her. "Thank you." She breathed. "I'm still in disbelief that that happened!"

"It's not that exciting," Yuuri said, tearing off a piece of their croissant.

"You're only saying that because he's your boyfriend and you look at him all the time." Yuuri shrugged. Maybe Khoudia had a point. Maybe Yuuri was immune to the idea of encountering Victor by chance because they see him all the time now. And they have encountered Victor by chance in the past. Several times in the past. Maybe it's just wearing off now. Maybe Yuuri is losing interest in their special interest.

"Yuuri!" Khoudia was snapping her fingers in front of Yuuri's face. Yuuri rubbed their face. "You spaced out there."

"Sorry," Yuuri murmured. They took a sip of chocolate.

"What is it with you?" Yuuri shrugged and kept their cup to their lips. "It's unlike you to space out like that." Yuuri shrugged again and looked at their croissant. They didn't want it now. "How have your hallucinations been?"

"Ever-present and ever the annoyance," Yuuri murmured.

"Aren't your meds supposed to help you with that?" Yuuri nodded. "Do you need them to be stronger or do you need them to be changed?" Yuuri shrugged.

"My doctor raised the dosage so here's to hoping that it works," Yuuri said. "But enough about me. How have you been?"

"Well, my mom finally spoke to my doctor about getting me an insulin pump so here's to hoping that I get it!"

"Why did your mom have to speak to your doctor?"

"Because I wouldn't," Khoudia said, matter-of-factly.

"Is she even allowed to go in with you now that you're an adult?"

"She can come in if I give her permission to." Yuuri nodded. "I'm really excited about maybe getting an insulin pump. And maybe you won't have to carry around my supplies anymore if I get it!"

"I think I'll always be carrying around your supplies," Yuuri said. "I don't mind carrying your meter and things."

"I know, but I feel bad for not carrying it myself." Yuuri nodded and smiled. "But you know how I am sometimes." Yuuri chuckled.

"How about this?" Yuuri started. "I still carry around your meter and glucagon even when you get your pump."

"If I get my pump." Khoudia chuckled. "And I think I'd like that. Keep carrying around my supplies." Yuuri nodded. "So, what do you want to do after breakfast? We haven't had the chance to do much of anything together since we've been here." Yuuri shrugged and bit their lip. "I mean, yeah we found macarons, but we should do something else."

"Sightseeing, maybe? I'm pretty sure Phichit wants pictures so he can humblebrag about things." Khoudia chuckled.

"Yes, sightseeing. We have to do that." Khoudia took a big bite of her croissant. "But what else?" She said between her chews. "We can... We can go to a bar. Maybe."

"Will your parents even let you go in a bar?"

"They will if I don't tell them," Khoudia said. She smirked. "And they will if you don't tell them." Khoudia took a large sip of hot chocolate. "And you won't tell them, will you?"

"I have no reason to," Yuuri said.

"Good," Khoudia said. "So we're going to go to a bar while we're here." She smiled. "I don't know if I'll be able to drink with you, though."

"Why?"

"Parents," she reminded them. "I don't know how adept they are at spotting an alcoholic." Yuuri snickered. "And while I would like to find out, I don't want to test it, nor do I want to be the guinea pig. Let Fatoumatta be the guinea pig."

"Oh," Yuuri said. Khoudia nodded. "Who is 'Didi'?"

"Adeola," Khoudia said. Yuuri nodded. "We call her Didi and Amadou 'Doudou.'"

"And you're Kiki," Yuuri said.

Khoudia nodded. "Yes, I am Kiki. And Fatoumatta is just Fatou."

"What about Malik, Aida, and Yande?" Yuuri questioned.

"I've called Yande 'Andy,' but it never stuck." Khoudia shrugged. "We also call Malik 'Mali' but not too often because that little boy stays in trouble." Yuuri nodded. "I guess we could call Aida 'Dada,' but nothing I suggest ever sticks. No one listens to me." Yuuri reached out to gently touch Khoudia's hand. "At least y'all listen to me."

"You're the mother, and we raised our children well," Yuuri said. Khoudia started to laugh, and café patrons looked over at them. Yuuri squeezed Khoudia's hand to signal for her to stop. "We really did raise our kids well."

"We try our best, and that's all we can do." Khoudia smiled. "That's all we can do." Yuuri nodded. Khoudia looked down at Yuuri's practically untouched croissant. "Aren't you going to eat that?" Khoudia moved her hand from under Yuuri's and pointed at the croissant.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Khoudia made a face. "What?"

"You have to eat something. You're skating today."

"I know that, but I'm not hungry." Khoudia rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"At least take two more bites," Khoudia pleaded. "At least."

"I don't know if my stomach can handle two more bites," Yuuri said.

"At least finish your hot chocolate?" Khoudia suggested. Yuuri looked at their cup and took it in their hands. It was still warm, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Yuuri brought it to their chapped lips, and they took a sip. Khoudia reached into her coat pocket for something. She pulled out a tiny blue container. Blistex. "Here. Your lips are chapped." Yuuri put their mug down and reached for the Blistex. They applied the balm to their lips and passed Khoudia her Blistex with the cracked top. While Yuuri was holding the Blixtex with the cap on, they ran their finger along the crack. When Khoudia took her Blistex back, Yuuri had worked their thumbnail between the crack and the lip of the container. Yuuri returned their attention to the hot chocolate. They grabbed the cup and held it between their palms. They could use it – while it was still warm, that is – to ground themselves since they were feeling so out of it. Yuuri took a sip and let the texture of the hot chocolate wrap around their tongue. When they swallowed, they felt the hot chocolate go down their throat and warm their esophagus and took deep breaths as the sensation stopped. "What are you doing?" Khoudia asked.

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?" Khoudia repeated. Yuuri blankly looked at Khoudia and looked down at their cold, pale fingers. Yuuri decided to shrug and return their attention to their hot chocolate. They repeated the process, and Khoudia started snapping her fingers in front of their face again. "You did it again."

"Did I?" Yuuri said. "I'm just drinking my hot chocolate like you told me to." Khoudia deadpanned. She sighed and reached for Yuuri's croissant. Khoudia had finished hers and Yuuri hadn't noticed it.

"Are you sure you don't want it?" Khoudia asked.

"I'm sure. I can't eat it."

"You can't eat it, or you don't want to eat it?" Khoudia questioned. Yuuri stopped sipping their hot chocolate and looked at Khoudia. They shrugged and returned to their mindfulness exercise. They resumed sipping and took in the sensations that drinking the hot chocolate brought. "Are you going to keep doing that?" Yuuri nodded. They felt the hot chocolate go down their throat. Khoudia took Yuuri's croissant and started to eat it. "You haven't answered my question."

"I told you that I was going to keep doing this," Yuuri said.

"Not that question," Khoudia said. "Do you not want to eat or can you not eat?"

"I told you that I couldn't eat it. I feel sick. We've went over this." Khoudia rolled her eyes. Yuuri took another sip of hot chocolate. "When are we going to the bar?"

"We can go after you skate if you want." Khoudia took a sip of her hot chocolate after she took a bite of the croissant. "I'll have to figure out what I'm going to tell my parents, but I'll tell them something." Yuuri nodded. Khoudia finished the croissant in no time while Yuuri was still not done with their hot chocolate. "I got it!" Khoudia said, snapping her fingers. "We're going out with some skaters. There we go. Perfect excuse."

"Is it really?" Yuuri asked. Khoudia deadpanned.

"You come up with something better then."

"No thanks," Yuuri said, sipping slowly. Khoudia rolled her eyes. Yuuri finally finished their hot chocolate and calmly set down their cup. "I would rather not have to formulate excuses for you."

"Okay, how about this?" Khoudia started. "How about you tell me what you'd do in my situation?"

"I can't do that either."

"And why is that?"

"I wouldn't be in this situation. I didn't have many – if any – friends back home." Khoudia nodded. "Plus, by the time I was in a place where I would be in that situation, I was already in America and living on my own." Yuuri looked down at their empty cup. "Well, not alone alone, but I was living independently of my parents." Yuuri started to touch Khoudia's cup. "It's going to be weird living with my parents again."

"You're going back to Japan?"

"I haven't made that decision yet, but I probably will end up going back. I just don't know when."

"Don't go back," Khoudia blurted out. Yuuri looked at her and stopped stroking Khoudia's cup. "We need you."

"The onsen needs me, too."

"They've been doing well for five years without you. We need you more." Yuuri sheepishly chuckled.

"The onsen was never well."

"So, if you don't go back, nothing will be lost." Yuuri shook their head and tsk-tsked. "What? Am I misunderstanding your family business situation?" Yuuri sighed. "All I'm saying is that you don't have to go back because you've built a life for yourself here. That's all. They'll have to understand that." Yuuri shrugged and continued to stroke Khoudia's cup.

"I doubt it, but whatever you say, Kiki," Yuuri said. "Are you going to finish your hot chocolate?" Khoudia waved her hand and Yuuri took it. Khoudia didn't have much hot chocolate left, so she felt it reasonable for Yuuri to have it. Yuuri took a sip of the hot chocolate which kept getting colder. Yuuri finished the cold hot chocolate in two sips. "We should head back to the hotel so we can get ready."

"No," Khoudia said. Yuuri looked at her. "So you can get ready. I skate tomorrow." Yuuri rolled their eyes. "You brought your makeup with you?" Yuuri nodded. "I'll go with you to your room so you can get ready."

"Thank you," Yuuri said. They got up from their side of the booth. "I'll pay." Khoudia nodded. Yuuri went to the counter and waited for the waitress. When she finally came over to Yuuri, Yuuri was struck silent.

"What do you want?" The waitress asked. Yuuri looked at her and tried to gesture to their table. Khoudia, being the saint that she is, rushed up and handled the situation. The waitress struggled to understand Khoudia's Senegalese French littered with Wolof, Arabic, and Soninke, but the waitress seemed to understand what Khoudia was saying when she took out her wallet, and she kept repeating "resi." Once the waitress gave them their receipt, Yuuri took out their wallet and paid for their breakfast. Then they left.

"Okay, what the fuck was that?" Khoudia asked once they got out of the café. Khoudia took out her phone. "Why did you freeze up like that? You don't do that." Yuuri took out their phone and sighed.

: I don't know what happened back there.

"Are you okay? That was fucking weird." Yuuri shrugged. They looked at the building front across the street. Khoudia caught on rather quickly at what Yuuri was looking at. Khoudia bit her cheek. "Do you want to go inside?" Khoudia gestured to the door. The building front was unassuming, and the wall to the left of it was covered in graffiti.

: Is it even open right now?

"Probably not, but it wouldn't hurt to check," Khoudia said. Khoudia grabbed Yuuri's arm and started to drag them along. The street was sleepy and idle, and there were very few cars coming down the road. So Yuuri and Khoudia crossed the street, and Khoudia led Yuuri to the building. She grabbed the door handle and pulled at it. It didn't budge. "Huh, it isn't open." Khoudia let go of Yuuri's arm and stepped back to look at the sign. "I think it's a nightclub," Khoudia said. "Maybe we can come here after you skate."

: Should we really come somewhere that's by the hotel?

Yuuri nudged Khoudia and gestured to their phone. She looked at the message notification. "Probably not. My parents might see us, and my mom might drag us out by our ears." Yuuri nodded. "We'll need a bar that's further from the hotel." Yuuri nodded again. Khoudia looped her arm through Yuuri's, and they started to walk through the park to get back to the hotel. "Are you excited for tonight?" Khoudia asked. Yuuri shook their head. "Tonight is going to be great. I believe in you and so does everyone at home." Yuuri shrugged. "What were you talking to your sister about?"

: She wanted to wish me luck and tell me that our mom is having a viewing party for this. I wish that someone would've called and told me beforehand.

"I mean, it is technically beforehand," Khoudia said. "It's before the Grand Prix so." Yuuri rolled their eyes. Khoudia patted her pocket and stopped in her tracks.

: What?

Khoudia didn't say anything and continued to pat her various pockets. "Where's my phone?" She questioned. Yuuri rolled their eyes again and brought Khoudia's hand to her face. "Oh," she said. Yuuri rolled their eyes. "Don't judge me. Neither of us is on our A game this morning." Yuuri rolled their eyes again. Khoudia looked at them and reached for their forehead. "How are the voices right now?"

"Terrible," Yuuri murmured.

"Do you want to go back to the hotel so you can get some rest? Would resting make the voices go away?"

"Not necessarily," Yuuri murmured. "The voices come and go as they wish. All I can do is wait it out." Khoudia patted Yuuri's forehead and got off of her toes. "But, if resting will make you feel better, I will rest for your sake."

"Thank you," Khoudia said. She pecked Yuuri on the cheek and smiled. "Do you want me to stay with you? Because I will stay with you for as long as you need me to." Khoudia grabbed Yuuri's hands.

"You can stay if you wish."

"Then I'll stay."

So Yuuri and Khoudia walked back to the hotel in half-assed silence. Khoudia kept talking to distract Yuuri from the voices – which was admirable, on Khoudia's part, but it wasn't as effective as last time. The voice that sounded like Yuuri's grandfather was being very graphic about what they want Yuuri to do and that scared them. Even in death, their grandfather frightened them. Yuuri was terrified of their grandfather, and their grandfather's voice and Khoudia was trying to distract them, but it wasn't working. Combined with the guilt of hurting Victor previously and preparing to hurt them some more, the voice of Yuuri's grandfather was telling them to kill themselves for bringing various shames to the family. Yuuri already knew that they're bringing shame to the family and they understood that they could never go back and undo what they've done.

Nor does Yuuri want to undo everything.

They felt that indelible connection that they have with Victor and they didn't want to have to cut Victor off because of something arbitrary.

Which is ironic coming from them because that's what they're going to do.

Before Yuuri knew it, they were back at the hotel with Khoudia. They were in front of their hotel room door, and Khoudia was digging in Yuuri's pocket, looking for their keycard. When Yuuri caught on, they reached into their sweatpants pocket and gave it to Khoudia. She opened the door for Yuuri and led them inside. Yuuri went to their bed and started to take off their shoes. Khoudia sat next to them and did the same. As quickly as Khoudia began, she stopped and looked at Yuuri. That made Yuuri stop doing what they were doing.

"What are you doing?" Yuuri muttered.

"You look stiff. Do you want to stretch before you rest?" Yuuri shook their head and bent down to undo their left shoelace. They gave up once their fingers got tangled in their laces. "Do you need help?" Khoudia asked. She bent down and started to untangle Yuuri's fingers and laces. "Are you getting bad again?" Khoudia looked up at Yuuri with her pretty eyes. Yuuri wanted to kiss her face until the worry was gone.

"Too soon to tell," Yuuri murmured. "But I think I'll be fine." Yuuri yawned. Khoudia returned to undoing Yuuri's shoes. She got on her knees and pulled Yuuri's shoes off. Yuuri looked down at their feet. They were in disbelief that they were attached to their body. At that moment, they wanted to cut off their feet. They didn't feel like they were there – so, following that logic, if they aren't there, they will not be missed. Besides, what use do feet serve anyway?

"Yuuri?" Khoudia was snapping her fingers in Yuuri's face. Yuuri reached out for Khoudia's wrist and grabbed it. "You spaced out there. I was asking you something." Yuuri looked at Khoudia's face. If Yuuri was reading everything right, she was worried. Extremely worried. "Are you sure you want to skate tonight?" Yuuri slowly nodded. "Are you sure?"

"How many times must I say 'yes'?" Yuuri murmured.

"I'm just making sure. You don't seem like you're able to do much." Yuuri looked at Khoudia. "I'm asking because I'll help you get out of skating – if you want me to. I'll push you into traffic to get you out of this."

"I'll be fine," Yuuri mumbled. They pulled off their hoodie and got stuck in it. Khoudia didn't wait for Yuuri to say anything. She leaped up and helped Yuuri take off their sweater. "You don't have to do this."

"But I want to do this," Khoudia said. "I told Phichit when we were in Moscow that I would be your caretaker."

"That was then; this is now."

"A caretaker's job is never done." Khoudia took Yuuri's hoodie and started to fold it. "So that means that I am not done. I will never be done. Now take off your pants." Yuuri did as Khoudia said and took off their pants.

"Do you want my layers?"

"If you wish," Khoudia said. She took Yuuri's pants and folded them, too. Yuuri took off their shirt and passed that to Khoudia. Yuuri kept on their layers and moved to the center of the bed. They drew their knees to their chest and placed their forehead on their knees. Khoudia finished folding Yuuri's clothes and sat next to them. She lovingly stroked their back. "Do you want to lay down?" Yuuri nodded. "Get up so I can pull back the covers." Yuuri did as Khoudia said. She pulled back the covers for Yuuri. They slowly got in bed and laid down. Khoudia got in bed next to Yuuri. Yuuri laid supine on their back. Khoudia laid on her side, facing Yuuri. She stroked Yuuri's face tenderly. "And you want to skate tonight?" Yuuri nodded. "Okay," Khoudia said. "You can skate tonight, I guess. I just don't think it'll be a good idea for you to do so." Yuuri shrugged.

So Yuuri and Khoudia laid in bed. Khoudia easily drifted off into sleep while Yuuri laid there, looking at the ceiling, wanting to be taken off of this miserable planet.

#

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 6:09pm, Marseille, France)

Yuuri managed to go to sleep eventually. The sleep was not the cure-all elixir that Yuuri was half-heartedly seeking nor did Yuuri feel that they were more capable of taking on tonight. The closer the time came to skate, the more they felt that they were unable to do anything.

Yuuri was sitting in their dressing room, avoiding catching eyes with their reflection. Khoudia saw and understood this. Then she had Yuuri turn their back to the mirror as she did their eyeliner and mascara. "I still don't think you should do this," Khoudia said. "You seem really out of it, and I don't want this to impact your skating."

"I'll be fine," Yuuri murmured.

"Are you sure?" Khoudia uncapped the eyeliner and looked back at Coach Cialdini. She turned back around and went to work on Yuuri's right eye. "I know I keep asking you, but you lack conviction in your words."

"You shouldn't have made me come then."

"I wouldn't have made you come to this if I had known this would've happened to you." Khoudia put down the eyeliner and reached for the mascara. "If you want me to, I'll give you a concussion just to get you out of this."

"Khoudia, don't do that," Coach Cialdini said.

"But Yuuri isn't well enough to be here!" Yuuri flinched at the sound of Khoudia's voice. Khoudia took Yuuri into her arms and cradled their head. "They're a wreck! I wouldn't have made them come if I knew this would happen!"

"Hindsight is 20/20. We must focus on the now," Coach Cialdini said. "Yuuri is right here. He has to skate."

"You're only saying that because you don't want to be embarrassed," Khoudia retorted.

"Why, yes," Coach Cialdini said. "I don't want to be embarrassed. Yuuri is going to skate tonight."

"At the expense of their mental health?" Khoudia questioned. "You have to acknowledge that this isn't the best situation for them to be in."

"As shaky as Yuuri's mental health is, I am certain that he can pull through tonight." Khoudia glowered at Coach Cialdini. "I understand that you are concerned for him, but it's too late now. He has to skate no matter how much you don't want him to." Khoudia sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, Khoudia." Khoudia let go of Yuuri's head and sighed. She returned to doing their makeup.

And, while that was happening, the voice of Yuuri's grandfather was yelling at them in his brusque, Saga dialect. When Khoudia was doing Yuuri's eyeliner on the left eye, she noticed that tears were welling up.

"Ciao Ciao, this entire situation is making Yuuri cry." Khoudia reached for the napkins and dabbed Yuuri's eyes. "You really shouldn't make them do this." Khoudia kissed Yuuri's forehead and continued to dab at their eyes. "Don't make them do this." Khoudia wiped her eyes and sniffled.

"Are you crying?" Yuuri mumbled. Khoudia wiped her eyes again and shook her head.

"I'm fine," she said after she cleared her throat. "I'm fine." She took a deep breath and returned to the eyeliner. She squatted down in front of them and started to go over the areas that were taken off by the napkin. She took another deep breath and strived to avoid looking into Yuuri's eyes.

When Khoudia finished Yuuri's makeup, Yuuri pulled Khoudia into a hug. She wrapped her arms around Yuuri and squeezed Yuuri tight. "I'll be fine, Khoudia." Khoudia buried her face in Yuuri's neck. "I'll be fine. Please don't worry about me," they said. "Please don't worry."

"I'll try," Khoudia said. "But a mother has to look after her family. My job is never done."

"Your jobs are never done," Yuuri mumbled. Khoudia let go of Yuuri and kissed their forehead. And Khoudia continued to kiss Yuuri's forehead until it was time for them to go on.

#

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 7:03pm, Marseille, France)

Yuuri's skating was an absolute and utter disaster. Their jumps and spins were flubs, but their step sequence was passable – but just barely. Yuuri was at the kiss and cry with Coach Cialdini. Yuuri was crying, and they couldn't stop crying. Coach Cialdini was trying to console Yuuri, but nothing Coach Cialdini could say was working. Yuuri wiped their pretty eyes with their wrists and smudged their eyeliner.

"You did well, Yuuri," Coach Cialdini said.

"Why are you lying to me?" Yuuri murmured. "We all know I did appallingly." Yuuri wiped their eyes again. They sniffled. "I can never show my face again."

"You're being dramatic," Coach Cialdini said. "Il mondo non e finito, bambino."

"What does that mean?" Yuuri sniffled and looked up at their coach.

"The world is not over, child," he said. "There is always tomorrow."

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day." Yuuri rubbed their eyes again. "To the last syllable of recorded time, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to a dusty death." Coach Cialdini deadpanned. "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury – signifying nothing."

"Yuuri?" Coach Cialdini said.

"Yes?"

"Shut up," Coach Cialdini said. Yuuri nodded. "Either start quoting Petrarch or shut up."

"That's understandable," Yuuri said. They wiped their eyes again and sniffled. "I'll learn Petrarch just to quote it for you." Yuuri sheepishly chuckled and rubbed their eyes. They were trying to take the edge off of being an absolute failure like their grandfather's voice insisted, but it was still there. Their grandfather's voice was still there, and he was going in harder on Yuuri. Yuuri sighed and put their head in their hands.

"Sit up. Your scores are coming in." Yuuri did as their coach asked and sat up straight. They got their scores and felt the tears come back. They were lower than what Yuuri expected. Yuuri wiped their eyes and tried to steady their breathing. "Il mondo non e finito, bambino," Coach Cialdini said as he patted Yuuri's back. Yuuri nodded and practiced their deep breathing as Luzia and Noêmia taught them. Coach Cialdini ran the palm of his big, hairy hand up and down Yuuri's back. Yuuri continued to wipe their eyes and breathe deeply. Their scores were terrible, their grandfather's voice was going in on them, and they couldn't stop shaking. God, they couldn't stop shaking. "It's time for your interviews," Coach Cialdini said.

"Do I have to talk?" Coach Cialdini nodded. "Then let's get this over with, I suppose," Yuuri mumbled. So Yuuri and Celestino left the kiss and cry to get pummeled with questions about their dreadful performance.

#

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 7:50pm, Marseille, France)

Yuuri split with Coach Cialdini after the interviews and went to find Khoudia. Khoudia was where Yuuri expected her to be: in their dressing room. Yuuri didn't know how Khoudia managed to get away from her parents, but she did, and Yuuri was grateful. Khoudia was taking mirror selfies when Yuuri came in.

"Yuuri!" She squealed. She put down her phone and went to approach Yuuri. She reached up for their forehead. "Are you okay?" Yuuri shrugged and sighed. They went to the chair where Coach Cialdini would sit and started to take off their shoes. "Do you want to talk?"

"Not really," Yuuri mumbled.

"You skated very nice tonight," Khoudia said, trying to cheer her rink mate up.

"Stop lying," Yuuri said. Khoudia sighed. She got on her knees and started to untie Yuuri's shoes. "My skating tonight was terrible, and we all know it." Khoudia sighed and shrugged. "I don't want to do this again."

"And I want to help you get out of this. But you have to let me help you get out of this." Yuuri looked down at Khoudia.

"What ideas do you have?" Yuuri questioned. "If your idea is to push me into traffic… continue." Their interest was piqued.

"Well, aside from pushing you into traffic, I was thinking that we get you sick. Really sick. Pneumonia sick." Khoudia yanked off Yuuri's shoes. "Maybe you can jump into the Old Port and let you walk around in wet clothes."

"I think your mom would yell at us for that," Yuuri said. "What else do you have?" Khoudia pulled off Yuuri's other shoe and allowed Yuuri to stand up. They stood and undid their pants. Khoudia passed Yuuri their other pants and turned around.

"We can tell Ciao Ciao that your ankles are swollen and you can't put any weight on them." Yuuri nodded. "And your legs are extremely weak and your bones hurt. And your back is numb. Basically, the lower half of your body is shot to hell, and you can't skate." Yuuri nodded again.

"Khoudia, ma cherie, that sounds like a lovely idea and one that cannot be easily refuted, but my grandfather's voice –" Khoudia looked at Yuuri and nodded. Yuuri wiped their eyes.

"You're smudging your eyeliner, baby," Khoudia said. Yuuri wiped their eyes again. "Do you want to go out tonight? We don't have to go out tonight if you don't want to."

"If you want to go, we will go," Yuuri mumbled. "I won't be much fun, but we can go."

"Yuuri?" Khoudia said, turning around and grabbing their hand. "We don't have to go." She patted Yuuri's shoulders. "Now get dressed. Don't you want to watch Victor and Christophe skate?" Yuuri shook their head. "No? Not even a little bit?" Yuuri shook their head. "My mom would like to see you," Khoudia cajoled. "I'm sure she'd have nothing but nice things to say about tonight."

"No she won't," Yuuri murmured.

"Yuuri, my parents know next to nothing about figure skating. I'm pretty sure my parents are going to tell you that you did amazing tonight." Yuuri rolled their eyes. "They know nothing about figure skating except that it's on ice. They'll be very supportive."

"I guess," Yuuri mumbled. "So your parents are in the stands?" Khoudia nodded. "I guess I could sit with you and your family." Khoudia smiled. Yuuri did their pants and took off their costume top. They passed it to Khoudia and shivered.

"I'm sure Mama and Daddy will be happy to see you," Khoudia said. She folded Yuuri's costume top and placed it in their bag. "Do you want to go back to the hotel to drop off your equipment?" Yuuri nodded and put on their shirt. They reached for their sports jacket and put it on. Khoudia folded their pants and put them in their costume bag. Yuuri put their regular shoes back on, and Khoudia tied them.

"Thank you," Yuuri mumbled. Yuuri got up and stretched. Khoudia grabbed Yuuri's coat for them and helped them put it on. "Thank you." Khoudia stood on her toes to the best of her ability and kissed Yuuri on the forehead. Yuuri smiled. It was a small and awkward smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. Khoudia opened the door.

"Maybe we can see Victor – oh, hello Victor!" Khoudia said. She reached out for Yuuri's arm to drag them closer to the door.

"Hello, Khoudia," Victor said. They followed Khoudia's arm with their eyes and peeked behind the door. "Hello, Yuuri." Yuuri made a face. Victor looked at Yuuri, bewildered. "Aren't you going to respond?" Yuuri shook their head. Victor blinked. Khoudia kicked at Yuuri's shins. Khoudia's small legs couldn't reach them.

"Respond," she harshly whispered. Yuuri shook their head and started to play with the strap of their costume bag. "I'm so sorry, Victor," Khoudia apologized. "Yuuri's having an off day."

"I can tell," Victor said. "Well, I'd like to know if I can see you after tonight's events." Yuuri hesitated on shaking their head. "May I?" Yuuri looked over at Khoudia.

"Don't let me impact your decisions. I'll probably be playing awélé with my dad or something." Khoudia patted Yuuri's back gently.

"I don't know," Yuuri mumbled. "Can I tell you my decision later?"

"Why, I don't see why not," Victor said. They reached for Yuuri's hand. It was kind of like holding a dead fish. "Um, I should get going now. But remember to text me!" Yuuri nodded and removed their hand from Victor's. Victor left Yuuri and Khoudia as quickly as he came. Yuuri let themselves breathe. Then they looked at Khoudia. She seemed to be seething with some feeling.

"What the fuck was that?" Yuuri shrugged and exited the room with their costume bag. They made a mental note to look up "awélé" when they had the chance. "He was trying to be with you after a stressful night."

"I do not need his sympathy," Yuuri mumbled. Khoudia stepped out of the dressing room and followed after Yuuri.

"Is it sympathy if it's your boyfriend?" Khoudia questioned. "He's trying to be there for you emotionally, and you're spurning him. You don't do that."

"You must not know me very well," Yuuri mumbled. "Spurning and disappointing people are two things I do best." Khoudia sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes.

"Are you still going to watch tonight's events with my parents and me?" Yuuri nodded. "That's nice." Yuuri shrugged. "And you remember to text Victor and tell him that you're going to see him when tonight is over."

"And? What if I don't want to see him?" Khoudia deadpanned. "What?"

"Don't be like that to him. I'm sure that after some TLC from Victor you'll be better. Not a lot better, but just a little bit better."

"Love is not a cure-all for mental problems," Yuuri said. "Plus, I think being around Victor would only make several of my problems worse." Khoudia rolled her eyes. Yuuri held the front door of the stadium open for Khoudia. Yuuri didn't know how Khoudia got stuck with their equipment and they had half a mind to relieve her of this burden. Khoudia exited the building, and Yuuri followed behind her.

"I don't understand what you mean. How would being around him make things worse?" Yuuri sighed. They didn't have to want to explain their grandfather's voice to anyone that wasn't Luzia or Noêmia, but it seemed that they'd have to. So Yuuri explained the voice to her despite the other voices pleading for Yuuri not to. When Yuuri finished explaining it, they were at the hotel entrance. "So your voices generally don't like Victor or is it just your grandpa's voice?"

"Just my grandfather. The other voices are generally indifferent about him." Yuuri pushed the up button for the elevator. "I would think that the other voices would be wild about him, but I guess not. But I guess indifference is preferable to raging queerphobia."

"How does your grandpa's voice feel about what we're going to do when we get home?"

"He doesn't like it at all."

"We're still doing it, though," Khoudia said. "Your grandpa be damned. Your happiness supersedes him. Well, his voice." Khoudia made a face. "He is dead, right?"

"Very," Yuuri said. The elevator came, and they stepped on. Khoudia pressed the button for the fifth floor.

"My point still stands. You don't have to worry about him anymore. Spread your legs and fly." Yuuri looked over at Khoudia as the elevator door closed. She didn't catch what she said nor did she seem to care to amend it. "Oh!" Khoudia reached into her pocket. She took out Yuuri's phone. "Here. Talking must be getting exhausting for you." Yuuri unlocked their phone.

: Thank you. I was getting very tired of trying to talk louder than what I'm capable of.

"Not a problem, baby," Khoudia said. "So we're going to go shopping – with Phichit's blessing, of course – and we're doing this despite your hallucinations and to spite your grandpa."

: Should we really be spiting a dead man?

"I don't see why not," Khoudia said. "What is he going to do? Haunt us?" Yuuri blinked at Khoudia. "Don't look at me like that." The elevator stopped on the third floor. A ghost got on. "And you're going to stay with Victor despite everything."

: Why?

"You gotta," Khoudia simply said. "You two are super cute together, and you make each other happy. Don't forsake him because of your trash mental health." The elevator stopped on the fifth floor. Yuuri and Khoudia got off, and Khoudia led Yuuri to their room. Yuuri had the keycard ready for Khoudia, and they opened the door. Khoudia left Yuuri's equipment by the door, and Yuuri placed their costume bag on their bed.

: But Victor deserves someone who can satisfy him.

"And you don't satisfy him?" Khoudia arched an eyebrow.

"No," Yuuri plainly said. "Well, not emotionally. Not in the way that is best for him." Khoudia rolled her eyes. Yuuri took off their coat and sat on the bed to untie their shoes. "He needs someone who can give him something stable and be honest with him. Two things that I already can't give him. On top of that, I don't want to make him deal with some idiot who can barely tie their shoes and has a panic attack a day. He doesn't deserve that."

"But that's what he wants. So give him what he wants." Yuuri rolled their eyes and kicked off their shoes. "Don't roll your eyes at me. And don't you dare do what I think you're going to do." Yuuri shrugged and got up to the desk to get their sneakers. Yuuri grabbed them and returned to the bed.

: What was I going to do?

Khoudia rolled her eyes. Yuuri forced their shoes on and held their feet out so that Khoudia could tie their laces. Khoudia sat on the bed and placed Yuuri's feet in her lap. She tied their shoes quickly and easily, and Yuuri was in awe of Khoudia for merely being Khoudia. Yuuri loved Khoudia. She was kind, caring, supportive (in her special, neurodivergent way), and an all-around delight. The love wasn't one-sided, either. They loved each other like they'd love their families and that was all Yuuri could ever want from their darling Kiki. "Don't break up with Victor is all I'm saying. He knows what he wants, and that's you – all of you."

"He doesn't know what he wants. I'm only a passing interest for him," Yuuri murmured.

"And you know what's best for him?" Khoudia questioned.

"In this situation, yes," Yuuri said. "He doesn't know what he's getting into and I'm trying to spare him future heartache."

"You're projecting." Yuuri arched an eyebrow. "I think that's the term."

"I'm not projecting. I'm trying to spare him, and you're in the way of it." Khoudia made a face.

"If I find out that you broke up with Victor, I'm going to stab you." All Yuuri and their hallucinations could think were "good" and that was going to be the first and last time they all agreed on something. Khoudia finished tying Yuuri's shoes. She patted their knees. "Okay, you can get up now." Yuuri did as Khoudia said and reached for their coat. Khoudia passed it to Yuuri and Yuuri slowly put it on. Khoudia got up and zipped Yuuri's coat. "Do you have everything?" Yuuri nodded. "Then let us go." Khoudia grabbed Yuuri by the hand and led them out of their room.

The walk back to the rink was quicker than expected. Or maybe Yuuri's perception of time was off. Perhaps everything was blurring together and the perception of time was moving fast was part of everything blurring and congealing into an amorphous mass of fuck.

Khoudia got lost several times trying to find her parents, but, when they found them, Khoudia asked for Yuuri's phone. Unlocked, of course. She also took Yuuri's glasses off so they couldn't peep at what she was doing. Yuuri could, however, gather that she was texting someone from their phone. And Yuuri could guess that she was, once again, texting Victor on their (begrudging) behalf.

They made it back in time to see Christophe's full short routine. Yuuri would say that it was mesmerizing if they had their glasses on them. Yuuri asked Khoudia for their glasses back, but she refused to give them back, and she put them in her mother's purse. So Yuuri wasn't going to get their glasses back anytime soon.

So Yuuri sat there, visually impaired and all.

#

(Friday, 11 December 2015 – 8:01pm, Marseille, France)

So Yuuri and Khoudia left Mama Awa and Mouhamadou and went "in search of" their fellow skaters. In reality, Yuuri and Khoudia were going to go to the café they go to for breakfast and figure out what they were going to do from there. It was colder than Yuuri remembered, and that made them not want to be anywhere, but they had decided to go out so they might as well go out.

"Yuuri," Khoudia said, "give me your phone." Yuuri did not see any point in arguing with Khoudia, so they did as she asked. Khoudia reached into her pocket and gave Yuuri their glasses back. They put them on gingerly and looked at the world with capable eyes. They looked at Khoudia and made a face. Khoudia gave Yuuri their phone back. They checked their messages.

: I've made up my mind, and I want to see you tonight.
Victor: Great! Now watch me skate.
: I will ((sparkling heart emoji))
: Actually, I'm not able to be with you tonight. Khoudia and I are going out tonight, and I completely forgot.
Victor: For shame. I was looking forward to seeing you tonight. I wanted to kiss your temples and look at your face.
: I know, and I wish I could be with you so you could kiss my temples and look at my face.

Yuuri locked their phone. Their phone immediately buzzed.

Victor: Tomorrow then, maybe?
Victor: I can't wait to get home. I want to be with you during the day.
: I want to be with you during the day, too.
Victor: Are we still going to watch anime after the events tomorrow?
: Yes

Yuuri put their phone back in their pocket. "Okay," Khoudia said, "I'm looking up nearby bars right now. So far, there's this one that's called 'Glam Rock,' and it's a sixteen-minute walk from the hotel." Yuuri nodded. Yuuri took out their phone to send Khoudia a text.

: Do you think people dressed like Elton John and 70s David Bowie there will be there?

Yuuri looked over at Khoudia and waited for her to check her messages. When she looked at the text, she started cackling. "Oh God, I hope so! And if there isn't, they need to change their name." Yuuri snickered. "A damn shame that a place called 'Glam Rock' might not have people dressed like Elton John and David Bowie." Yuuri looked back into the café. It was practically empty. The woman at the register seemed to be bored – if looking at her play with a pen was any indication of her boredom. "We should get back to the hotel and start walking."

"We should," Yuuri murmured.

And so they did. After they touched down at the front hotel, Khoudia took out her phone again. Yuuri looked down at her and her phone and pointed forward. She scurried off, and Yuuri followed behind her, only having to walk fast with their long legs to catch up to her rushing with her short legs. Khoudia squealed in excitement and some other feeling and grabbed Yuuri's hand. Tonight seemed like it was going to be a nice night.

When Yuuri and Khoudia got to Glam Rock, it was crowded. Not so crowded that it was bursting at the seams but crowded enough that Khoudia could get lost in the throng of bar patrons. Khoudia picked out a spot at the conspicuously empty bar, and Yuuri followed her there. Yuuri lifted Khoudia onto her seat, and she swung her legs off of the edge of the stool.

"What would you like?" The bartender asked Khoudia in French. She had a wavy, pixie haircut and sparkling blue eyes. She was smiling – borderline smirking – at Khoudia.

"Two Caipirinhas, mama," Khoudia said. Yuuri looked over at her and took out their phone. The bartender nodded and went to make their drinks.

: What's a Caipirinha? And why did you call the bartender 'mama'?
Khoudia: This Brazilian cocktail. I think you'll like it.
Khoudia: Also, she's cute, and I'm tryna mack on her.

Khoudia looked over at Yuuri and smirked. Yuuri just looked at Khoudia. Khoudia started to laugh and all Yuuri could do is smile. Yuuri looked to their right and saw a series of tables. There was a man at one of the tables that caught their eye. He had medium-length black hair and smoky quartz-colored eyes. He was wearing a checkered, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and he was in dress pants. Yuuri presumed that he had just come home from work or an unsuccessful date and he needed to unwind. The man winked at Yuuri and Yuuri made a face. He smiled. The bartender came back with their Caipirinhas and took a seat. Khoudia took out her Blistex and applied it to her lips. Yuuri rolled their eyes and smiled.

: So, how are you going to hit on this bartender?
Khoudia: I gotta put the shmooves on her.
: And? How are you going to do that?
Khoudia: Tell her that she makes me wish it was crop top and booty short weather year-round.
: Oh my god
Khoudia: Don't act like you haven't said worse.

Yuuri looked over at Khoudia, deadpan. She took a sip of her Caipirinha and smiled smugly. "Aren't you going to take a drink?"

"Oh, this is for me?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't order two Caipirinhas for no reason," Khoudia said. She took another sip.

"Is it good?"

"I'm drinking it, aren't I?" Khoudia questioned. Yuuri fixed their mouth to say something, but Khoudia cut them off. "Don't answer that. It was a rhetorical." Yuuri nodded and took a sip of their drink. They decided that they liked it. Yuuri looked back in the general direction of the man who had winked at them. He winked at them again. Yuuri wanted to suspect that he had a tic of some sort, but they strongly felt that that wasn't the case. So Yuuri pointed at themselves, and the man nodded and winked again. Yuuri looked over at Khoudia to see if she saw any of this, but she was focusing on the bartender's butt.

: Gay
Khoudia: Shut up
: Correction: Thirsty AND gay
Khoudia: Leave ((clapping emoji)) me ((clapping emoji)) alone ((clapping emoji))

Yuuri snickered and rolled their eyes. Khoudia put down her phone, took a drink, and continued mentally deconstructing – or undressing – the bartender. Khoudia was a soft boy through and through, and sometimes she made no effort to hide it.

And tonight was one of the nights where she wasn't trying to hide it.

Yuuri took a sip of their Caipirinha and took out their phone. They had a text from Victor.

Victor: So, what are you and Khoudia doing tonight?
: We're at this bar. So far, I haven't seen anyone dressed like Gary Glitter or Alvin Stardust. I'm kind of disappointed.
Victor: What does Gary Glitter and Alvin Stardust have to do with a bar?
: It's a bar called "Glam Rock" and Gary Glitter and Alvin Stardust are two glam rock stars from the 70s.
: So, the fact that no one is dressed like a 70s rockstar is kind of disappointing.
: But I'll live, I guess.
: [has sent an attachment]

Yuuri sent Victor a selfie of them looking unamused – both by the lack of glam rock cosplayers and the extent of Khoudia's excessive thirst. Yuuri took a sip of their drink and sent a selfie of them taking a drink.

Victor: My sunshine
: I'm yours ((heart emoji))

Yuuri took a larger sip of their drink and felt the alcohol burn their chest. They couldn't keep lying to them like this. Yuuri looked back over at the man. He was drinking a Kronenbourg 1664. Yuuri looked back at Khoudia. She was sipping slowly and scrolling the Internet, looking for pickup lines for musicians. Yuuri rolled their eyes. They sighed. Tonight – although not bad – wasn't going like Yuuri had half expected it to.

Victor: You look exhausted.
Victor: And hot.
: I know. I'm so tired.
: And thank you ((star emoji))

Yuuri looked over at Khoudia. She was still thirsting, and she wasn't trying to hide it. Yuuri shook their head in mock disapproval and took a sip. Khoudia finished her drink. "I'm going to go to the bathroom to psych myself up," Khoudia said. Yuuri nodded. She leaped off of her stool and walked to the bathroom. After about a minute since Khoudia was gone, that man drinking the Kronenbourg approached Yuuri.

"Hey, kitty," the man said.

"Hello," Yuuri mumbled. The man leaned on the bar and smirked.

"Do you speak English?" Yuuri nodded. "Okay. My English is not good."

"Nor is mine," Yuuri said. The man smirked.

"My name is Gabriel. What is your name?"

"Yuuri." Gabriel nodded and smiled. He had a cute smile. Gabriel took a sip of beer.

"What brings you here, Yuuri?" He smirked. "Why is someone as pretty as you in a place like this?" Gabriel took another sip of beer. "You do not look like the public scene type."

"I'm not, really," Yuuri said. "My friend wanted to come out to the bar, so I came with her." Yuuri looked at their Caipirinha and took a sip. "So here I am. In Glam Rock: The Bar Without Cosplayers." Gabriel made a face and laughed. He didn't get Yuuri's joke, but he laughed anyway.

"So, the woman checking out the bartender is your friend?" Yuuri nodded. "She is very attracted to the bartender."

"She is. Kiki has no sort of chill." Gabriel smirked. "Nor do you, for that matter," Yuuri said.

"I am not chill?" Gabriel questioned. "Why am I not chill?"

"You've been eyeing me since I've been here." Gabriel shrugged, took a swig of beer, and smirked. "And, now that Kiki is gone, you've moved in for the kill and decided to talk to me." Gabriel smirked.

"What can I say? I could not bear another moment without knowing the kitty's name." Yuuri took a sip of their drink. "Your friend is going to make a move on the bartender."

"She is," Yuuri said.

"I hope she says yes to your friend's advances. I want more time with you." Yuuri took another sip of their drink and started to suck on a piece of ice. Gabriel rested his free hand on Yuuri's free hand and smiled. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I have a boyfriend."

"And you left him at home?" Gabriel questioned. Yuuri slowly nodded. "Quite unfortunate for him, but a blessing for me." Gabriel took a sip of beer. "My girlfriend went out of town to visit her grandmother, so I'm all alone for a while."

"That's sad. Is her grandmother okay?"

"Her grandmother is fine. She just wanted to go see her." Yuuri nodded and took a sip of their Caipirinha. "I do not understand why, but I did not quarrel with her. So she went to Metz, and I stayed here." Gabriel smirked. "I am glad I stayed here. I get to look at you." Yuuri looked at their phone. "So, tell me about this poor boyfriend who's been deprived of his lover. What brings you to Marseille? Why did you come here with your friend and not your baby? I am dying to know."

"Well, Kiki and I are here for an event. My baby was too busy to come with me." Gabriel nodded. "I'm glad he isn't here, sad as that is to say. We need time apart from each other from time to time." Gabriel nodded again and took a sip of beer. Gabriel got on the stool to Yuuri's left, and Yuuri swiveled to face them. "Don't get me wrong. I love him very much, but we could live with being apart from each other for a while."

"I could understand that," Gabriel said. "I love my Clara very much, but I want to be by myself, too."

"You understand me!" Yuuri chirped. They were glad that there was someone that understood them.

"I do understand," Gabriel said, snickering. "Why do not we be alone together?" Gabriel grabbed Yuuri's hand and leaned in. Yuuri looked down at Gabriel's hand. He had a silver ring on his thumb.

"I really shouldn't. I do have a boyfriend."

"At least step out with me," Gabriel pleaded. "We will only go outside. No further."

"I'll go outside with you," Yuuri said. Gabriel smiled. He had a pretty smile – that much Yuuri would admit. Gabriel let go of Yuuri's hand, and Yuuri grabbed their and Khoudia's glasses and followed Gabriel.

Yuuri and Gabriel were greeted by the cold, December air. Yuuri shivered and clutched the glasses tighter. They took a sip of their drink and ate a piece of ice out of Khoudia's. Yuuri looked over at Gabriel and watched him light a cigarette. "Do you smoke, Yuuri?" Gabriel asked.

"Not often."

"Do you want a cigarette?"

"I'll take one." And so, Gabriel put the first lit cigarette between his lips. He reached back into the carton and produced another one and placed it between Yuuri's lips. He lit it and Yuuri places their glass over Khoudia's. They took a drag and placed it between their fingers. Then they closed their eyes. They felt lightheaded, but it felt like a good lightheaded. "Thank you."

"Not a problem, kitty." Yuuri smiled and took another drag. They followed their drag with a sip of their drink. "So you and your friend are here for an event?" Yuuri nodded. "What kind of event is it?"

"What do you mean?" Yuuri asked after taking another sip.

"Is it like a football event?"

"No, figure skating," Yuuri said. Gabriel nodded. "Kiki and I are here to skate." Gabriel nodded and took a drag.

"And? How's that going?"

"For her or me?"

"For you, kitty," Gabriel said. "I am not concerned with Kiki."

"This event has been terrible," Yuuri said. "I want nothing more than to go home and forget that this event happened. I don't think I'll be able to look anyone in the eye if this event continues to be terrible. Not like I could ever look anyone in the eye, but, you know."

"Why can't you look people in the eye after this event?"

"Shame. So much shame," Yuuri said. "Also autism, but there you go." Gabriel nodded. Yuuri took a sip of their drink and took a drag. They ghosted into the wind and sighed.

"You look so hot."

"Thank you," Yuuri said. "The same can be said for you." Gabriel smirked. Yuuri finished up their drink, put the lime wedge in their mouth, and dumped the ice out. Yuuri's phone buzzed. They placed the glasses on the windowsill and took their phone out of their pocket.

Khoudia: Where did you go? And where is my glass?

Yuuri put their cigarette in their mouth and made a face.

: I stepped out and took our glasses with us.
Khoudia: You're not supposed to take bar glasses outside, but thank you for watching my glass and making sure I don't get roofied.
: Not a problem.

"Kiki came back," Yuuri told Gabriel. He nodded. Yuuri took a drag and looked over at Gabriel. He seemed to be contemplating something. "Do you know when your girlfriend is coming back?"

"No. I am not concerned with when my girlfriend is coming back."

"That's strange," Yuuri remarked. "Why don't you care about when your girlfriend is coming back?"

"I'm in love, but I'm losing interest," Gabriel simply said. "I had fallen in love with Clara's voice, but now I hate it. I had loved her eyes, but now I want to gouge them out. When she touches me, I recoil in disgust. Clara disinterests and repulses me now, and I don't care about her anymore."

"Then why don't you just break up with her?" Yuuri questioned. They put their phone away and grabbed the glasses off of the windowsill. "There's no point in being with someone who you don't feel strongly for."

"Oh, I feel strongly for her. Strong disdain."

"A shame," Yuuri said. "But, I suppose I cannot judge you too harshly."

"Oh?" Gabriel said. "Trouble with your baby?"

"Not necessarily trouble. It's just that…" Yuuri took a drag and looked down at their cigarette. "I don't know. I love him more than words could explain, but I can't be with him anymore. I just can't. I feel so hollow and guilty when I'm with him now."

"Then why don't you just break up with him?" Gabriel asked, tongue in cheek.

"Oh, I'm going to," Yuuri said. "I don't know when, but I can't be with him anymore."

"If you are going to break up with him, why don't you kiss me?" Gabriel asked. He dropped his cigarette and put it out. Yuuri internally tsk-tsked them. That was a waste of a cigarette. He had barely burned through it. Gabriel moved closer to Yuuri and placed his hands on both sides of their head. Yuuri pressed themselves against the wall, awkwardly holding their glasses and cigarette. Yuuri put the glasses between them and Gabriel.

"I'll only feel guilty if I kiss you and don't break up with him immediately."

"Then kiss me and break up with him. Then come and see me before you go back to America."

"I don't feel like being complicit in you cheating on your partner."

"Then kiss me. Kiss me, give me your number, and I will leave you alone for the rest of the night."

"Desesperado," Yuuri said. They looked down at the squished, nearly whole cigarette on the ground.

"What?" Gabriel said. He looked confused.

"Don't worry about it," Yuuri replied. "Are you going to kiss me or not?"

"Do you want me to?" Gabriel asked. "If you don't want me to, I will leave you alone." Yuuri's phone buzzed again. Then two more times. Yuuri reached for the windowsill and placed the glasses on there again. Yuuri reached out to touch Gabriel's face and leaned in. Gabriel leaned in and touched foreheads. He puckered their lips for Yuuri, but Yuuri pulled away.

"I'm sorry. I just – I can't do this."

"It is fine," Gabriel said.

"I can't do this to Victor. I'm so sorry," Yuuri said. Gabriel removed his hands from the sides of Yuuri's head and nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Do you still want my number?" Gabriel asked. Yuuri took out their phone and gave it to Gabriel. Gabriel put his number in Yuuri's phone and gave it back to Yuuri. "We should return to Kiki," Gabriel said. Gabriel gave the glasses back to Yuuri and Yuuri rushed away from Gabriel. They were enveloped in the warmth of the bar. Gabriel wasn't far behind Yuuri. Yuuri reached Khoudia and placed the glasses in front of her. They quickly got back on their stool and rubbed their cold hands together.

"Where were you? And why do you have a cigarette?" Khoudia asked. She was nursing an Alexander. "I got one for you. Léa is making it right now."

"Léa?" Khoudia tilted her chin in the direction of the bartender. Yuuri nodded.

"So, where were you? Where'd you get the cigarette?"

"I told you I stepped out," Yuuri said. They looked over to where Gabriel was sitting. He was faced towards Yuuri, but he was on his phone. "And someone gave me a cigarette when I was out." Khoudia rolled her eyes but took another sip of her Alexander. "So, how did talking to Léa go?"

"I'll tell you when we leave," Khoudia said. Yuuri nodded. Léa came over to Yuuri and Khoudia, and Léa placed Yuuri's Alexander in front of them.

"Here you go, Yuuri," Léa said. Yuuri was shocked that Léa knew their name. Léa went back to reading a book. It looked like Baudelaire.

"You look strange," Khoudia remarked. "Did something happen outside?"

"It was just really cold out. I didn't think to bring my coat before I went out." Yuuri took a drag of their cigarette. Khoudia reached for the ashtray to her right and brought it before Yuuri. "Thank you." Yuuri dropped the ash off of their cigarette and took another drag.

"I had forgotten that you smoked."

"I smoke a lot of things," Yuuri said. They took a sip of their Alexander. "I think you should be more surprised if I didn't smoke cigarettes." Khoudia shrugged. "Do you want to smoke?"

"No thanks," Khoudia said. Yuuri nodded and took another drag. "You're going to get lung cancer." Yuuri shrugged and took a sip of their drink. Khoudia checked her phone. "We should get going soon. It's getting late. My parents might be getting worried."

"Did they call?" Yuuri asked. Khoudia looked through her recent calls. She shook her head. "Then they might not be too worried. You are with me, after all."

"I know, but usually my mom or dad calls me."

"Are you getting worried?" Yuuri asked.

"Just a little bit," she mumbled.

"Then we can leave after we finish our drinks. Would that make you feel better?" Khoudia nodded. "Then we'll leave when we're done."

So Yuuri and Khoudia finished up their drinks, and Khoudia picked up the tab. Yuuri plucked Khoudia off of her stool and placed her gently on the floor. Gabriel was looking over at Yuuri interacting with Khoudia.

Gabriel: The way you touch her is so gentle.

Gabriel: I wish you'd touch me like that.

Yuuri looked over at Gabriel as they straightened out Khoudia's clothes. "What are you looking at?" Khoudia looked in the direction Yuuri was looking. "I don't see anything."

"I just spaced out. Don't worry about it," Yuuri said. Gabriel winked at Yuuri. Yuuri took a deep breath and finished fixing Khoudia's clothes. Yuuri fixed their clothes and put on their coat. Khoudia zipped Yuuri's coat for them and fixed them up. "Are you ready?" Khoudia nodded.

And they were off.

---

Ryuugazaki: If you're interested in my other writing, I must remind you… I have a blog. I haven't updated since Rosh Hashana or Yom Kippur, but don't think I write only fanfiction.