When Obi-Wan was a young padawan, one of the first missions he'd been on was to the planet Alderaan. Qui-Gon had met a contact there, someone with information for a case he was working on at the time. The man was an avid collector of chronological devices, of all sorts and sizes, and, while his master and the contact were in another room, Obi-Wan had been left alone with the collection. The young padawan had wandered across to examine one of the older timepieces more closely. Underneath the clock's face, hung a pendulum that swung from one side to the other. Slowly measuring out the seconds. Left to right, right to left, left to right... The simple yet effective mechanics of the primitive device had Obi-Wan almost mesmerized.
Now, as he sat in the back of Palpatine's top-of-the-range racing speeder with Buffy driving, Obi-Wan felt rather like that clock. His emotions were swinging from one extreme to the other just like that pendulum. One moment his mouth gasped in horror and the next it fought against an explosion of laughter. Horror to amusement, amusement to horror, over and over again.
The effect of the swinging pendulum of emotions made Obi-Wan feel light-headed and giddy.
Obi-Wan knew there was an un-Jedi like expression on his face. He had to slump down in the back seat and bury his mouth in his robe so Palpatine wouldn't spot it. His emotions were all over the place, he was having difficulty controlling himself, and once more Buffy was the cause of it.
He knew exactly what was unfolding in front of him and why. This was classic Slayer revenge. No doubt it had been brought on by the kiss the Sith stole from her that morning. She'd been so repulsed and angry that it had taken her a while, and every bit of his ingenuity, to calm her down. He knew from past experience that Slayers didn't forgive or forget easily, and if the opportunity presented itself to take revenge on the person who'd annoyed them, they'd take it.
Watching her from the depths of his hood, half of Obi-Wan cringed at the risk she was taking, while the other half of him crowed with delight at the Sith Lord's reaction. In front of him, in the passenger seat of the speeder, Palpatine was trying desperately to appear unfazed, but unknowingly broadcasting spikes of distress through the Force. His smirk got wider, trust a Slayer to bring chaos to a Sith Lord's life.
Maybe, Master Yoda was right and she was the Chosen One to bring Chaos to the Force?
He mustn't laugh! This was dangerous in more ways than one and he shouldn't encourage her. If she was his Jedi padawan he'd give her a sharp rebuke. But Buffy wasn't a Jedi padawan, she was a Slayer. Obi-Wan did the only thing a smart Jedi could do when there was a Slayer in the driving seat, he closed his eyes and ferociously began to recite the Jedi code.
There is no emotion, there is only peace, there is no emotion, only peace, there is no emotion – Oh, Kriffing Snit, not again!
Realizing she was too low, Buffy squeaked in panic and the speeder thrusters kicked in. The nose of the sleek, black speeder shot 90 degrees into the air, to avoid the roof of one of Theed's commercial buildings. A squawk of warning from Palpatine had Buffy struggling with the controls, bringing the machine to level as she narrowly avoided the line of heavy goods shuttles that ran above them.
They tilted, flying sideways and skimming the roof of the Ministry for Nabooan Architecture, sending up a flock of wild Theed doves fluttering and hooting into the sky around them. Obi-Wan had just remembered how to breathe when -
"FUCK!" screeched Buffy, as another vehicle loomed up in front of them.
She dragged the steering paddle back. The Sith and the Jedi braced themselves once more.
High-powered racing engines screamed, Obi-Wan heard something beneath his feet clunk then rattle, as if part of the thruster system had come away. The second vehicle, a large Nabooan shuttle bus passed underneath him, faces pressed to the windows.
Palpatine swore in Huttese.
Buffy twisted the steering paddle once more, pushing down hard. The speeder righted itself.
Obi-Wan took a deep and steadying breath. That was really quite... He struggled as he tried to think of the right word. His mind had stuttered and locked up. For Force sake, she'd better know what she was doing!
"CONCENTRATE!"
Obi-Wan noticed the Sith's voice sounded a lot higher pitched than normal. From where he sat he could see Palpatine's hand gripping the door handle of the speeder. His knuckles stark white against the smooth, black leather handle.
"Oops, sorry, sorry," replied Buffy, not sounding at all apologetic. "I could have sworn I saw a 50% off sale sign down there. That's why I dropped down to check. I only took my eyes off the road, er, airway for a moment. And you've got to admit, that bus came out of nowhere." She tutted. "They should make bus drivers pass an extensive test before they give them a large public vehicle like that to drive. There's too many bad drivers out on the road as it is."
"Use the Force, Vader" growled Palpatine. "Use the Forc– birds!"
"Huh?" asked Buffy vacantly, staring over at the figure next to her shrouded in his black robe.
"BIRDS!" yelped Palpatine. The Force alerted Sith and Jedi to a flock of large birds that would hit the speeder unless evasive action was taken.
"Force birds? What's that one?" asked Buffy. She gaped at the hooded Sith as if he'd lost his mind. Obi-Wan had no idea if she was playing dumb or not. You never could tell with Buffy.
Sheev Palpatine grabbed the steering paddle, wrestling it to the right. Buffy fought him, pulling it to the left. The speeder twisted from side to side dangerously. Slayer strength won. Ripping it from Palpatine's grasp the speeder began to spin and spin. Dropping fast in a continuous roll.
Braced in the rear seat, Obi-Wan's stomach churned and he swallowed. He didn't feel like laughing any more. This was dangerous. Palpatine evidently thought so too. He could hear the Supreme Chancellor making an odd gurgling noise in the back of his throat. Outside the window, a curious Lake goose met his eyes as he spun past it.
Buffy righted the speeder and scowled at the Sith Lord next to her. "Never do that again," she snapped waspishly. "Even Mom never grabbed the wheel when she was teaching me how to drive."
"Land." The Sith pointed with a shaky finger to the open stretch of space below them. "Land the speeder. Now!"
Buffy scowled but knew the game was up. She made a show of switching from the main thrusters to the repulsor lift system and landed gracefully in the Nabooan meadow. As soon as they touched the ground, Sid leaped out, black cloak billowing out around him as he marched around to Buffy's side of the speeder.
"What exactlyare you playing at?"
"She always drives like that." Obi-Wan jumped to Buffy's defense before she could form a reply. "Buffy uses her Slayer senses whilst driving. I understand though Supreme Chancellor. It must be a quite terrifying experience for a non-Jedi." He smirked inwardly, knowing being called terrified would annoy a Sith. "Please be assured that I've often driven with Buffy and, although it might seem dangerous, no one has ever been injured." He couldn't help silently adding the word yet, in his mind
~Oi!~ Buffy muttered back along their mind link.
"Slayer senses? We've almost been in a dozen accidents and we're not yet a mile from the palace grounds!" pointed out the Sith Lord. "If I'd known how bad you are-"
"Hey!" pouted Buffy. "It wasn't me. It was everyone else on the road! I mean, geese? Betting they never got their pilot license."
The Sith ignored her, continuing, "...I would have kept the chauffeur."
Obi-Wan opened his mouth to defend her once more but was quickly forestalled by the Supreme Chancellor raising a silencing finger at him. The Dark Lord of the Sith had stared into Vader's deviously innocent face and realized with a startling flash of clarity what Buffy was up to.
She was testing his mettle.
This woman was a Sith after all. It made sense she'd want to know how he reacted under stress. She'd never choose a mate who couldn't maintain control in a highly dangerous situation.
"It's my turn to drive," he said firmly. He dipped his head for a moment, letting the hood conceal the pleased expression in his eyes. She was checking him out, was she? That was most promising. It must have been the kiss he'd given her that morning. He'd always been a good kisser. It had obviously tipped the balance in his favor.
Buffy shuffled across to the passenger seat and Palpatine smirked complacently at her as he opened the door and settled into the driving seat. "When I was younger I used to race speeders. People said that I was quite frightening to watch as I took so many risks, but there's nothing quite like the thrill of high speeds and near crashes to invigorate and drive your passions to new levels of ecstasy. Is there, Vader?"
Buffy's uneasy eyes met Obi-Wan's worried ones in the speeders rearview mirror.