05.08 - I Never

A standoff in the Division has unexpected causes and consequences.

Warning: This chapter is going to cover the impact of killing someone. One of the regular characters shoots someone in the line of duty. This chapter and the next will discuss those situations and consequences.

It was déjà vu all over again.

Gail held her hands up, a cautionary motion. "Keith, put the gun down."

But the man didn't. Unlike a few months prior, this time Gail knew it was going to end differently. This time, she had a bullet proof vest on, a radio in her ear, her gun on her hip, and was surrounded by many people. And this time, Keith wasn't going to put his gun down.

He had already shot at least three people. Three officers. One she knew was fine. One she was certain was not. The third...

Regardless, he'd shot three cops. The rest of her family in blue wanted this man dead, and Gail needed to stop that before it happened.

The radio in her ear spoke up. "Are we clear?"

"Clear, sir," replied another voice.

Gail winced a little. This was getting too close, too dangerous. "Keith. Come on, they have a clear shot. You know this. Put the gun down. We'll protect you."

His eyes were wild this time, and he shook his head. "I can't," he said, tears streaming freely down his face.

She held out a hand. "Please," she said softly.

Gail had talked down hundreds of people in her decades as a cop. Of all the lessons her father had taught her, Gail had always known the most important was to not kill. Do no harm. He'd drilled it into her, and even when Gail's base inclination was to let a wife-beater hang himself, she couldn't do it.

Her job was to serve and protect. Deescalate was a fancy word for don't fuck it up. But that was what it meant. Don't let other people kill. Don't kill. Calm them down. Hadn't she talked guns and knives out of hands before? Hadn't she sat on a bridge for hours, talking to a woman who was trying to kill herself? Hell Gail hadn't even been in uniform for that one! She'd been running errands and saw the woman swing her legs over the side of a bridge as Gail had driven by. It was sheer luck Gail was able to park her car and run back before anything happened.

This work, saving people from themselves, she could do it. She could take their pain for a while and give them a chance. A hope.

Keith's eyes met hers. "You were right," he whispered.

"Why don't you tell me about that?" Gail forced herself to stay calm and and even. Her stomach was churning and she knew she'd have the shakes later. But for now, she swallowed her own fear and pain, it didn't matter. Stop it. Stop him.

The young man shook his head, and god he was young. He was Vivian's age. He was a child. He was the age Gail was when she'd nearly died. And his shadow self was here. Ugh. Shut up, Ghost of Perik.

Gail swallowed. "Keith," she said gently. "You're not alone. I'm right here."

"I screwed up," he hissed. "I ... I killed that man. I had to. He knew too much. And I had to."

Son of a bitch. Gail hesitated. "Come on, put the gun down and let's talk."

Keith shook his head again. "There isn't time," he whispered. "Do you know?"

Did she know? "Know what?"

"Who? Do you know who?" The young man's eyes flickered to the side. He knew that ETF was setting up.

"Gail," said the familiar voice of John Simmons. "Gail, we have to take the shot, but you're in the way."

She wanted to scream at John. Of course she was in the way. She was trying to be in the way until she had enough information, or could talk Keith down. That was why she didn't have a gun either. But she couldn't answer her sergeant, even if she really had wanted to. She had to deal with Keith, and Keith wanted to know if she knew who.

Who.

But... "Keith, you saw who we arrested," she said carefully.

And he shook his head. "That's not all," he said. And then he mouthed a word. Peeper? No, wait. Deeper. Deeper?

Gail shook her head, "Please, don't. Put the gun down. We can end this, but we need you."

"I can't. I'm sorry."

Keith straightened, aiming the gun at Gail. There was no way out of this one. Both she knew, and he knew, what the others, ETF, saw. They saw a man with a gun aimed at a staff inspector. They saw a failed deescalation. They saw a man about to kill Gail.

She stared at the gun. Curiously calm.

"Gail. Stay still," said the tense voice of Sue Tran.

"Shooter has a clear shot," said someone from ETF. Sabrina? No. Someone else.

"Copy. We are green."

Several hours earlier...

Sometimes Holly wished she'd never taken the promotions.

Cappelletti, from SUI, was sitting on Gail's office couch, looking grim. Dodge, the IA Inspector, sat beside him. Frankie and Traci and Marcel had the chairs by Gail's desk. Gail was perched on the desk itself.

"Ben?" It was all Holly could say.

"Yeah," said Gail softly.

"How sure... No offence," Holly added on quickly. "But you've been running around this for months. How sure are you?"

"Literally all we need is for someone like, oh, Keith, to say he was working with him," said Monty Cappelletti.

Holly winced. "I'm sorry, but you're telling me you think Ben Kinkaid is the linchpin of a drug trade."

"He's the brains behind the drug itself," said Traci. "It was a high end trade for a long time, experimenting. The skells in the field all talk about the genius behind it, and he fits the bill."

It was difficult to think of the man who'd uncovered Bethany Mills' body with her as evil. She'd known Ben for almost eight years.

Gail cleared her throat. "Tell her about New York."

"What about New York?" Holly felt a stab to her heart. Ben had come from a small town across the border in Upstate New York, eager for a new life and a change.

"The small town he's from? Had a major drug problem the four years he was in charge of the local lab." Traci hesitated.

Holly threw her hands up. "Toronto's had a million major problems while I've been here, Traci! You too! That hardly means anything!"

Quietly, Gail cut in, "Its different in a small town."

"Oh don't Peck me, Gail," she snapped. Because she knew Gail was providing information from her own training. "I'm sorry, but you're all super suspicious, and it's all too convenient that you found someone new in my lab, just because drugs are going missing." Holly pointed at Frankie. "This is bullshit."

It sounded perfect. A corrupt lab tech, the head of evidence collection no less, who would have easy access to everything. And Ben was a suck up. He'd fawned over Holly's credentials and fame when applying. Ugh.

"Dr. Stewart," said Cappelletti, gently. "His history is ... I talked to IA from the Oswego County sheriff and the New York State Police. He was a suspect in cases that were still sealed."

"Oh come on," snarled Holly. "And they just happened to unseal them for this?"

Cappelletti shook his head. "I had a court order." He paused and then added, "They really do call them 'your honour' instead of 'your worship.' It felt incredibly disrespectful."

Normally Holly would be distracted by that factoid. She relished in the differences between the court, and had gone back and forth with American courts a few times. This time, she held on to the topic that pissed her off. Because now she saw the direction the police were headed.

"If he was guilty," she pointed out. "If he was guilty you would have arrested him already."

"It was inconclusive until last month," said Cappelletti.

Holly lost it and let her temper reign as she shouted, "What the hell happened last month?"

She was immediately embarrassed at herself. But everyone was looking at Gail, not Holly. No. Not everyone. Just Dodge and Cappelletti. That gave Holly a nauseated sensation. Slowly, Holly turned to face her wife, who was studying her fingers.

"He offered me a bribe. To be a super," Gail finally said.

What the actual what?

"You didn't tell me," said Holly, feeling stunned.

"You didn't tell me," said Traci, sounding astonished.

"Nor me," said Marcel.

"You didn't take it?" Frankie was incredulous.

"No! I mean, ugh." Gail pushed her hands through her hair. "I wasn't sure I could prove it was a bribe," she explained. "It felt like one, though. So I told Cappelletti."

"But you didn't take it?" Frankie tilted her head.

"Fuck off," growled Gail. "No. I wouldn't. I didn't. But he did. And ... Yes. It was a bribe. Holly, I know you like him, but the guy makes my dad look clean."

Holly took off her glasses and pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose.

She did like Ben. He was brilliant and a good worker and had helped her solve thousands of crimes. He was a genius. And yes, he was more politically savvy than Holly, but really who wasn't? It was her biggest failing in her job, and Holly knew that well. She just didn't care that much at the end of the day.

But Ben had also turned down the offer to be her assistant medical examiner. Multiple times. He said he didn't want that kind of responsibility. Wait... Holly took her hand away. There was something specific he'd said that Holly laughed off. It had sounded Peck.

"Gail. What did Ben say? At the barbecue last... No two years ago, when you were playing with Wayne's daughter?"

Behind her, Marcel scoffed and muttered that even Gail couldn't remember that sort of thing.

And Gail just replied. "Too much attention. It's more fun to be a power behind the throne?"

Shit.

Holly walked over to Gail's door to the deck. It had been Gail's one indulgence when they'd redesigned the floor. An office was one thing, no one complained about that. But the rooftop access meant added security and scanning and work. And yet... No one had really complained. Maybe they thought Gail would only hold the job for another five years before putting on a white shirt and going to be a Superintendent.

Instead, Gail remained as she was. Like Galadriel. She did not diminish, but she resisted the temptation that might create a worse person, a darker self. Gail knew who she was, and she knew the dangers of unchecked power for herself.

Holly didn't talk about any of that. She just asked one question, "When?"

"After lunch," said Cappelletti.

Holly nodded and opened the door, walking out to the privacy of the deck.

"Should we—" That was Cappelletti.

"No, give her a minute," said Gail. And then the door swung shut.

She'd been played by Ben Kinkaid for over a decade. She'd been wooed and cosseted by his flattering nature and his genius. In so, so many ways, this was her failure as well as anyone else's.

Leaning on the railing, Holly looked over at the building where she worked. Maybe it was time to hang it all up. Maybe this was a sign she was done.

But she just didn't know.

All Holly knew was the burning pain of betrayal. And she didn't like it.

She made Frankie make the collar.

It was only fitting, since it was Frankie's case of missing evidence and weird closure rates that Ben Kinkaid was tied to. Oh, sure, the attempted bribery of a well decorated Inspector would go on the list, but that was for later. That was something to use when horse trading for a lighter sentence.

Frankie had complained about it happening at Fifteen though.

"It's not at Fifteen," pointed out Gail. "We're just going to lock him up there for the preliminary interrogation. Then you can take him to the South Detention Centre."

Still, Frankie grumbled. "Why can't I take him to Thirty-Four?"

"Because I'm pretty sure he'd mysteriously die in lockup," Gail said plainly.

Her friend and long time coworker froze. "You really think Gally's in on all this?"

"Honest? I don't know. But I know Todoroki's clean, and Goff's just an idiot, but they'll take him in right and tight."

Frankie huffed. "I'll be with them just in case. And they're with me to make it look like you don't trust me?" She shook her head. "Jesus, you're devious."

Gail shrugged. "Comes with the name."

There was no way for Gail to not see the layers and layers of the world. The evils of it. She had been raised in it from birth, and likely would be steeped in it until she died. Ah well.

"So... why are we walking?"

They stopped at a light. "We can drive back," said Gail. "I thought a bit of light for now would be nice. That's all."

That wasn't the whole truth. Her mother had once arrested someone, as a part of her work in IA, while teenaged Gail was in her office on the second floor of Fifteen. Gail had been doing homework, grounded for something or another, and Elaine's sergeant had busted in saying he had a major problem.

Gail had been under strict orders to stay in the office.

Naturally she'd not. She'd slipped out and up to the roof where she watched her mother arrest the road sergeant. Afterward, though, Elaine came upstairs and sat with Gail on the roof. Arresting people was hard, Elaine told her. Arresting people she'd worked with was harder. Especially when they were in blue.

People who put on the uniform were supposed to protect each other and the city. They were a brother and sisterhood of people who were spat on and humiliated and yet had to be above it all. It wasn't enough to just want the job, they had to be better than everyone else. They couldn't do wrong, they couldn't take a shot, they couldn't react badly.

They couldn't kill.

Elaine hadn't. Never. Not even to now. She retired, unblemished.

But that day, Gail remembered too well.

Traci had asked why Elaine made Gail so nervous as a rookie, and that was why. That day. That day her mother sat with her and said she, Elaine, had to be better than everyone else, and so did Gail. They had to be the best cops, the ones who talked down gunmen and didn't profile and did their best and then surpassed it every single day.

It was a hell of a legacy.

But she also taught Gail to look for the light moments. A twenty minute walk, in the sunshine. Even if Gail burned a little, which frankly she could do on a cloudy winter day, she should take a moment in the sun. Remember the good things. All the times Gail had made the walk to see Holly, for example. Just to carve a half hour for themselves. Maybe ten minutes.

"You're weird, Peck," said Frankie. "Steve did this shit too, any time we went to some hellhole. He'd be in the damn sun. And you idiots are too pale."

Gail looked up, her sunglasses deflecting the worst of the sun. "We're about to arrest the head of field collection, Frankie. It's a big thing."

"You think it'll tip a hand?"

"Dunno. Hope so. We could use a break besides Ben trying to bribe me, and mucking with evidence."

Frankie groaned, unhappily. "This is really messed up, Gail."

She wasn't wrong. They had too much they still didn't know. Like who was behind it all. Gail didn't think it was Ben, though Cappelletti and Dodge did. That scenario was too neat and tidy for Gail's taste. Traci and Frankie, thankfully, shared Gail's doubts. So did Marcel, who opined that while Ben was certainly a chemical and forensic genius, that would not explain the money.

And the money still bothered Gail.

How much did a person have to be paid to kill? Keith, last name still unknown, had sold his soul for these people. And he was loyal, like Gail, which meant he was being paid off by someone. Ugh. Maybe she should call up the Martlet family again.

Gail's phone rang, startling her out of her thoughts. "It's Dodge," she told Frankie. "This is Peck," she answered.

"I'm bringing Keith in to Fifteen. How far out is your arrest?"

"Probably forty-five minutes. We're walking over."

Dodge made a noise. "You're not walking back, are you?"

Gail smiled slightly. "No. Goff and Todoroki are driving back."

The man grunted. Why did men always do that. "Okay. Text me when you come in. I'll make sure to parade Keith past them."

"Use Collins for that," said Gail thoughtfully. "He's got that whole serious solider vibe still, so when he says he can't talk about it, Keith'll buy it."

"I was gonna use Smith."

Gail frowned. "Jules? Why?"

"He's got more experience with nutjobs, and I don't want to risk it."

"I think Collins would be better—"

"And I'm pulling rank, Peck."

She made a face and Frankie laughed. "Fine. Whatever. I'll let you know when we're almost there." And they hung up. "Dodge is getting all male on me," she explained.

"Never a good sign. Think he thinks you want his job?"

"Hah. Fuck that." Gail shoved her phone in her pocket. "I'm really hoping we're right about him being clean."

"Can you please stop being so creepy, Peck," snapped Frankie. "God, your brain is just this incredibly depressing place."

"It can be." It was more so now, Gail had to admit. The more she knew about the universe, the more she was disillusioned by it. "I just have this feeling we've got something wrong."

Frankie said nothing as they stopped at the last light. She looked up at the forensics building, head tilted to the side as if in deep thought. Back in their twenties, Gail would had teased her for faking deep thinking. Now, Gail knew Frankie had hidden layers. She, like Gail, tucked them away behind sarcasm and insults.

Unlike Gail, Frankie's career had stalled because of the attitude. Frankie didn't want to pull it back and settle down. She was angry still for the injustices the world had slapped her with, for the wrongs. For so long, Frankie had been unwilling to compromise.

That gave her a very different view on crime, though. One Gail was pleased to have available at the moment.

"Well, the money guy, obviously," said Frankie finally. "Question is if Keith or Ben will roll over first. That's why Dodge is making sure Keith sees us arresting Ben."

Gail smiled. That was indeed the reason. "You ever date a Mountie?" At Frankie's disgusted look, Gail laughed. "My mother wanted to set me up with one of them, back before I told her I was gay."

"Oh, sure," laughed Frankie. "Peck marrying ... is there Mountie Royalty like you guys?"

"Mmmm yeah. Martlets. Mom actually set up Vivian with one of 'em once." Gail chuckled. "They were pretty useless about mysterious plots."

Seemingly without thinking, Frankie spoke aloud. "A plot kept from Pecks and Martlets to launder money and sell drugs. Scary as shit drugs. Internationally. I wonder if they have Pecks in other cities."

Gail blinked. "Well... yes."

"And the drugs are only here, in Toronto. God, it's like someone's trying to suck up the power vacuum after you booted the dirty Pecks."

Aw fuck. "That's a thought," muttered Gail, and she felt sick. There had always been families trying to usurp the Pecks. Back before, the Pecks were just evil enough to prevent it out of fear.

But Gail? The good Peck? Oh fuck yes, she would be a nice target.

Ugh. She'd have to look into that after this. Gerald was waiting for them as they walked into the building. "Hey, Boss. Todoroki is in the lab."

"Goff?"

"The wagon." He cleared his throat and looked at his watch. "Do you want me to ... swap?"

Gail pursed her lips. "Yes. You're a better driver."

Gerald startled and then blushed to his roots before he scampered off.

Frankie nearly snort-laughed. "Serious?"

"Shut up. I'd rather have a close eye on Goff."

"Still?" Frankie shook her head. "Honest, how did he land in Fifteen?"

"Gerald or Goff?"

"Fuck. Both. I'm still pissed Bibby got my spot."

Gail smirked. "You knew they were saving a raging bitch spot for me, Franks."

Her friend flipped her off and they walked into the main office. Holly's personal assistant, Ruth, was startled. "Gaaaaaiii— Detective. Inspector. Z. Inspectors. Uh. Do I need to call Dr. Stewart?"

Giving Ruth a polite and friendly, but serious, smile, Gail asked a question instead. "She's in the field lab?"

"She just ... uh. No. We had a paper crisis. She's in the documents lab."

"Ah, please let her know Inspector Anderson and I are headed to the field lab, then. She knows why."

They didn't wait for Ruth's reply, taking the elevator down and then walking into the field lab. It had a faint aroma of the world, always. Not in a way that would cause contamination, Gail was certain, but it always had a smell. It wasn't like the evidence lab, or the morgue itself.

As they walked in, the room went silent with confusion.

"Inspectors?" Ben stood up, frowning. "Did I forget an appointment?"

"I'm afraid not," said Gail, and she motioned for Todoroki. The officer nodded curtly and took station at the door. "Anderson?"

Frankie nodded. "Ben Kinkaid," said Frankie, pulling her cuffs out. "You're under arrest for the misappropriation of evidence for personal gain; do you understand?"

There was a heavy pause in the air. Everyone held their breath, it seemed. And then.

"I understand," said Ben, not even a little shocked. He looked at Gail and turned so Frankie could cuff him.

Frankie shot Gail a dry look. Then she went on. "You have the right to retain and instruct counsel without delay. We will provide you with a toll-free telephone lawyer referral service, if you do not have your own lawyer. Anything you do say can and will be used in court as evidence. Do you understand?"

"Yes," said Ben again, wincing as Frankie tightened the cuffs.

"Would you like to speak to a lawyer?"

"Yes. I would like to speak with my lawyer." Ben shook his head, ruefully. "But I imagine you have his information already?"

Gail nodded. "We do. I'll contact him for you."

"That would be nice, thank you." Ben smirked. "Well. This is interesting. Shall we go, Detective Anderson?"

Frankie set her face firmly. "Inspector Anderson," she corrected. And Ben winced. "Shoulda bet on a different horse, Kinkaid. We picked up Road Sgt. Lester this morning."

Ben didn't rise to the bait, though. Not really. He just looked at Gail and said, "Apparently."

As she walked with them, Ben Kinkaid being led through the building, passing by Holly's office, Gail couldn't shake the feeling that she'd missed something. Something big.

Watching one of her best techs be led away in cuffs was depressing. There was no other word for it.

"You okay?" Gail looked torn between being the serious inspector and the caring wife.

And that helped.

"I'm really pissed off and I have an emergency staff meeting now, Gail," replied Holly, knowing she was a little bitter. It wasn't Gail's fault. She sighed and shook her her head, adding more kindly, "We'll talk tonight, okay?"

Gail nodded. Normally she'd just go, letting Holly be mad at her until it had run its course. That was how life worked sometimes. Gail knew Holly was mad at more than Gail, but Gail was the target. But... Even so, that pale hand caught hers. It squeezed once. And in that moment, in the silence, Gail said she was sorry.

Holly squeezed back. She knew. And she accepted the apology.

Their fingers lingered and Gail went with Frankie, who miraculously hadn't made a single snide remark.

"Boss..." Ruth sounded scared. "What just happened?"

"I'll catch you up after," Holly promised. She tried to smile, encouragingly, but was sure it came out a bit sickly. "The senior staff needs to meet me in the conference room. Please make sure they're all there."

Fifteen minutes later, Pete was the last person into the room. He ushered in a very confused Ananda, who was arguing she wasn't senior senior. "It's fine," said Pete, and he was incredibly calm.

He would be a good person to take over from her when she retired, Holly realized. He was good. A good person. Pete got how to handle the situations.

"Thank you, Dr. Chundray," she said, and stood at the head of the table. "Dr. Benjamin Kinkaid was arrested today. Yes, I knew about it beforehand. As I know you're aware, Internal Affairs has been investigating a situation brought to light by Inspector Anderson. Evidence has been misappropriated from Thirty-Four Division. Cases there have a dreadful closure rate. And the latest drug situation, the Crave, appears to be centred there." Holly took a deep breath. "While we all passed yet another background check, it was determined Dr. Kinkaid was involved. After attempting to bribe a police inspector, the investigation determined his arrest was paramount. Now. Does anyone have questions?"

Very slowly, Wanda raised her hand. "Boss... Was Ben making Crave?"

Holly hesitated. "Probably. They can't prove that, not yet. And we'll be asked to, no doubt."

"Did... Did he invent Crave?" Wayne looked actually terrified.

"The police think so," said Holly as flatly as she could.

Immediately the rep from the chemical analysis lab was drawing on the board, explaining the break down. Wanda joined in, listing the drugs that had gone missing. Wayne and Ananda filled in the gaps for what evidence they'd seen with pill casings.

Holly's band of merry mad minions were solving a crime because it was the only way they knew how to deal with the stress.

Beside her, Pete cleared his throat. "Is this ... Normal?"

"It's never happened before," admitted Holly, letting the leads run with it. They needed to process, after all. "The worst we had before was this guy Zuckier, who got a little freaky with the bodies."

Pete blinked and then looked green. "Please tell me that's a joke."

Holly smiled wearily. "Hey Wayne, remember Zuckier?"

"Ugh, do I have to?" Wayne winced. "That man was sick."

"So was Ben, I guess," muttered Ananda. "I mean... He totally coulda done it, Boss."

Looking at the white board, Holly startled. Her staff had coped by sorting out the chemical analysis, by hand, and connecting it to different cased they'd all worked on. The drugs and samples from the cases the lab knew about drew the exact same picture Gail and her crew had.

Honestly, that was the sort of thing that made Holly want to cry from happiness.

This legacy she was going to leave the world was all she'd ever wanted. To make a difference in the world and then to ensure that difference lasted. That was it, really. She knew she had that in her daughter, but to know she'd done it at her work as well, that was the cream on the cake.

But why did it have to be for this? Why did they have to come together like this? Couldn't they have proven it some other way?

"That ... yes. And there's some implications from his previous work in the States," said Holly, a little sadly.

"He had to work with someone else," mused Pete. "This is huge, and we work a lot."

The irascible Wanda joked. "He'd have to get up very early. Breakfast, crime crime, work..."

Ananda slapped Wanda's shoulder. "Shush. You didn't work with him like we did."

Before the two could bicker, good natured as they did get along well, Holly cut in. "And speaking of that, we will need to replace him. Even just temporarily."

That quieted the room. "Temporarily," mused Pete. "What about Haversham? He can fill in as field lead, at least."

"He won't want the gig forever," said Wayne, firmly. "He'd rather work inside, too."

"Donna Bonnatucci?" Wanda looked thoughtful. "I mean, that wouldn't help the whole asinine argument people have about you promoting too many women, Boss, but she's the right age and experience. Plus she's gonna retire in five at most. Soon as her husband quits the Army."

Pete nodded. "Interim field department lead. It'll be seen as a hat tip so she retires with a bigger package, but ..."

"But." Holly smiled. "That's expected. Especially after two decades here."

Ananda sighed. "This is just so messed up. I like Ben."

"Me too," said Holly, sadly. "And I don't want to ask, but ..." She sighed. "I have to ask if Ben tried to bribe or implied a bribe with anyone?"

After a long moment, Wanda asked, "How do you know if it's a bribe?"

Pete and Holly shared a look. "Uh, I don't know," said Pete, confused.

"Well." Holly took off her glasses and rubbed one eye. "It can be hard to tell. Sometimes it's just promising a favour. Or making it seem like maybe they might do you a solid."

Sliding her glasses back on, Holly wondered what lessons Gail had received about bribery. She knew Gail and Elaine had talked to Vivian about it as well, but Holly had never bothered to ask. Maybe she'd have to ask Gail about that.

"The point," said Holly, recovering her train of thought. "The point is that if he ever said something to make you uneasy, I want you to tell me, if you feel you can. Or Detective Cappelletti. And if you or someone you know took a bribe, the time to confess is now."

The room was quiet. Everyone looked at nothing at all. And then a knock came to the meeting room door.

Ruth opened without waiting. "I'm sorry, Dr. Stewart—"

Damn the timing. "Can you give us a minute, Ruth?"

"Sorry but... there's an emergency." Her face was a ghastly, sickly yellow.

"What's wrong?" Holly frowned and stood up. Ruth was terrified. Why would she be so scared?

"There's a ... There's a gunman at Fifteen Division. Officer down."

For a moment, Holly felt twenty-five years younger. Her heart pounded. That was how she'd found out about the shooting at Fifteen, way back when Gail was just the girl who maybe wasn't straight after all, and they'd just kissed because Gail had been shot at and was going back out, but god knew what they were yet. And they'd been in a staff meeting, Holly being told the budget wouldn't stretch to a significant promotion, and the secretary, not Katie, someone else, had burst in and said there was a shooting and an officer was down at Fifteen.

And then, waiting in a panic in her corner of the morgue, her phone rang. Gail. Alive. Asking if she'd come to the hospital because she needed a friend. And Gail's voice had shaken back then. She'd been the shy, uncertain girl who stole Holly's heart.

Here and now, Holly wobbled and then stood firm. This was her life. She'd known it from the moment Gail was shot at in the field. This happened.

She wasn't Holly of back then, not knowing how she felt about a girl who'd kissed her and then been standoffish and then cut off all her hair. No. She was Dr. Holly Stewart, Chief Medical Examiner of Toronto. And she was here and now and looking at Ruth, a woman she'd hired only a few years ago.

Steady on, Stewart.

"Who?"

"Sgt. Julian Smith. Also someone... Goff and Torodoki?"

"Todoroki," corrected Pete Chundray. He swallowed. Everyone knew, that was who had just led Ben off in cuffs. "Is the ... Is it under control? Do they need us to process the scene?"

But Ruth didn't stop looking at Holly. "There's a hostage. Trying to talk the shooter down."

The room went silent. "Oh," said Holly softly, and then, suddenly, she wasn't standing anymore. She was sitting in the conference room chair. "Of course she is."

Who else would try to talk an armed gunman down, after they'd shot three cops?

A Peck. That was who.

"Copy. We are green."

A new voice spoke. Sue Tran. "Peck... We are green. Take the shot."

Gail blinked her eyes once. Her heart was reacting a moment behind her head. Her head knew to stay still. To let ETF take the shot. Her heart, though. Her heart heard that name and that sentence and wanted to scream.

But Keith's body jerked. It froze, hung in the air.

He was not the first person Gail saw die in front of her. That wasn't even Jerry, though his ghost was the one she was most familiar with. She'd seen a handful of cops die, more criminals, a few civilians. No. Gail was not unfamiliar with death or the dead. They haunted her. She could name them all, see them all in her head. And now, now she added Keith, last name still unknown, to her list.

By the time her heart managed to control her body, the echoing register of a rifle report bounced off the walls. It was a sound Gail knew so well, it was engraved in her soul. She knew the make and model of the rifle. And the moment someone spoke, she knew the shooter without a doubt.

"Target down. Clear."

Gail's heart broke.

It shattered into a million pieces. She actually felt it depart, empty her sense of self of feeling. Then the rush of agony washed in. She closed her eyes and waited for ETF to swarm in. It was only a moment. She allowed them to hustle her out of the way, to a safe place.

They all knew it was far too late.

"You okay?" Andy's voice was steady. This was the only part of the world of policing that Andy knew and Gail did not.

"No," said Gail, shaking her head. "I don't... I can't, Andy." She looked at Andy's stupid, cow like, brown eyes. The idiotic wide and honest girl guide. Earnest. Oh, how she'd hated Andy. The woman always had luck. Everyone liked her, everyone gave her chances. Love, friendship, attention. She was the hero.

And Andy, her friend Andy McNally, was there for her right now. "I can," she said softly.

"I can't ask this."

"I'm offering."

What had Gail done right in life to have this moment? She nodded. "Okay."

Andy squeezed Gail's arm and then walked over to a group of officers. They were all surrounding the officer who had taken the shot, but none were speaking. They were there, they were supporting.

As Andy joined them, the group parted and Gail saw the tall form of the woman she'd known as a runt of a girl, a gangly youth, an awkward teen, a young goon of an adult, and now... Now her daughter had to walk a path Gail had, miraculously, never set foot on.

Her daughter, the cop, had done her clear duty as a police officer. She had done the right, the horrifying thing all good cops feared. She'd killed a man.

Vivian caught her eyes and gave Gail the barest of nods. And she turned away.

"Jesus," said Traci, coming to sit by Gail.

"Holly's going to kill me," replied Gail, watching her daughter listen intently to Andy.

"Possibly." Traci hesitated and put a hand on Gail's knee. "Andy's good for this, Gail."

Gail nodded and closed her eyes. "When's SIU getting here?"

"About ten minutes."

"Who is it?"

"Morgenstern."

"Good." Gail exhaled. "I can't call her. Not till after."

"Do you want me to?"

"God. No. No. I need to." The last thing Gail wanted was to tell Holly anything about this. How the hell could she tell her wife that their child had done this?

Of course, intellectually, Gail had known it was a possibility. Steve had shot someone, once, but the man had lived. Their father had never once even pointed a gun at a criminal, and he'd held that as a hallmark. Their mother had talked multiple gunmen down. So had Gail. They'd all been shot at. Vivian wasn't even the worst of that lot. Bill was, from Gail's memory. No...

Bill's brother, murdered by a junkie, had been the worst of recent memory.

"She's going to be okay, Gail."

"Dov wasn't. Andy wasn't."

"Andy was, eventually. And so was Dov."

"Eventually." Gail sighed. "Fuck, I have to tell my mom..." And Jamie. Probably. Maybe not. Vivian should do that.

Traci laughed a little. "Look at you. Not worrying about the case."

Oh well. There was that too. The case was so screwed up right now. She had no idea who was behind anything or if they even had the right people. The amount of Crave floating about hadn't changed enough to prove anything any direction. But Gail didn't talk about that. "The moment he shot Goff, I knew how this would end, Trace." And then Gail asked. "How are they?"

"Goff will be fine. Bled a lot, but nothing critical was hit. Todoroki is in ICU but stable. We don't know... I don't know if he'll be back."

The two men had taken hits to centre mass, and since they were in the station, they'd not been wearing vests. Gail could only imagine how that would change. "And Smith?"

Of all the people, the first to fall had been Julian Smith. When Traci shook her head, Gail found herself torn. On the one hand, she was hurt that someone she'd worked with and liked was dead. On the other, thank god it wasn't Nick. Because Gail had suggested her friend and ex be the man to transport Keith.

"What happened?" She looked at Traci. "How did he get the gun?"

All Gail had known was that she'd been talking to Ben with Frankie, trying to get him to tell them who he'd been working with. Then she'd heard gunshots and made Gerald stay with Frankie while she went to see what happened. In the hall, Keith was screaming at people and waving a gun, and Goff was bleeding on the ground.

By the time Gail was kitted in a vest and tried to talk him down, two more officers had been shot.

"He grabbed Goff's gun," explained Traci.

Gail winced. "He's done," she muttered. There was no real way around that. It was Goff's second big mistake and now it resulted in death. "SIU?"

Traci gave her a confused look, as if they'd talked about this already. "Morgenstern is working it, but he said Goff already claimed fault. Unless we want to push..."

Shaking her head, Gail muttered a no. "No. We can't. Not here. He's got to be our fall guy." She didn't like making that call, but Gail knew it was the only right one to make.

"I'll start that," said Traci. "Gangs and guns, y'know."

Gail laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah. I know."

But her friend didn't move. "Are you really okay?"

Good question. "Which part? Seeing someone get killed in front of me, or having my kid be the shooter?"

"Both. I was thinking about earlier this year."

Earlier that year, when Gail puked. Right. "I'm okay," she said slowly, thinking about it seriously. "I mean, I'm not, but I am for now." Her therapist was going to have a field day about this, though. So was Vivian's. "God. She's the first Peck to shoot and kill anyone in ... forty years?"

Who was it? Bill Peck had never shot anyone, that Gail knew of. He'd done undercover work, though, so who really knew? Her mother hadn't either. But before that, long before, was maybe Bill's brother? Stories about him were told oddly. In fits and starts and half truths. It used to be de rigeur. Pecks killed on the sly, sometimes each other. Now, though. Now it was a mark of pride to have never shot anyone.

"It's okay not to be okay, Gail," said Traci gently.

"I know."

Her friend leaned back and looked up at the ceiling. "You know. I never got why you just went back out there, after Perik."

Gail blinked. "Seriously? You've met my parents."

Traci shook her head. "No. I get that. But... You were back in uniform and on the streets in a month."

"Two weeks," corrected Gail. "Almost three, but yeah. So?"

"And you got shot at when Chloe was shot? You went back out."

"So did you. After you brained that guy with a bike lock."

Traci, her oldest and closest female friend and confidant, smiled. "Yeah. Because you did." Before Gail could reply, Traci went on. "Andy went back out because she's Andy and thinks she's invincible. Dov dragged his feet because he was scared. Ollie took his time and did it right... But you just healed up as best you could and staggered back out, punch drunk, because ... Why?"

It was an interesting question. A lot of the answers lay in her parents. The Pecks had expectations that had to be met and obeyed. Another failure was unacceptable for a Peck who'd fallen so far already. But that meant the answer was positively depressing. "Because," said Gail slowly. "Because without this, I don't really know who I am."

Traci eyed her. "Still?"

"Still," replied Gail. "I have to do this. I have to try. I have to be a cop. It's just... It's just who and what I am."

They said nothing for a little. Then Traci squeezed her knee. "You're a good person, Gail. So's your kid." And Traci got up, offering one last piece of advice before walking over to where the detectives were unraveling the day's events. "Call your wife."

Left alone for a moment, Gail pulled her phone out and stared. Holly probably already knew some of it. The second Fifteen was on lockdown, her building would have been called.

"What the fuck am I doing?" Gail muttered to herself. What the hell was she doing, running around like that? She could have been killed, and damned if she hadn't broken the promise she made to Holly. Again.

God.

She was a shitty wife.

Unbidden, a quote sprang to mind.

Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize it is he who is asked.

Which, first of all, damn that Ross Perik. She'd read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" multiple times thanks to that asshole. Frankl was a brilliant man, and really thought deeply about the meaning of it all. Of course, he was a Holocaust survivor. Things were meant differently when a person had survived being treated like an inhuman.

And yet, it did remind Gail of a truth. In ten or twenty years, Gail would not ask what the reason for it all was. She would never ask why she did it all. Someone else would ask her that question.

Do good.

She tapped her phone. Holly answered on the first ring. "Hey, I'm okay," Gail said quietly.

Holly wasn't sure which one of the two she wanted to hug more, and settled for hauling both her wife and daughter into a squeeze.

Sounding resigned, Vivian spoke. "Jamie, you may as well join in on this. It'll be a while."

Holly snorted a laugh. It felt wrong to laugh, but she had to. The laugh transitioned into a cough, which caught in her throats and became a sob. She really didn't want to cry, to break down in public. Not because she was afraid to, but because of how hard it was to keep everyone stable if she did.

Oh, Holly was no stranger to the terror of her wife and daughter being at risk. She was used to it now. But it still hurt, and she knew if she started crying, her two cops would immediately try to comfort her. And right now, regardless of if they'd say it, the ones needing the comfort were those idiot cops.

"Sweetheart," said Gail.

"Mom," said Vivian softly, at the same time, and she squeezed Holly.

Holly shook her head and then pressed it into the safety of Gail's shoulder. Her daughter shimmied out of the awkward hug, leaving Holly wrapped safely in Gail's arms. If Holly didn't know Vivian had done it to give Holly more access to Gail, she might have felt snubbed. As it was, she was trying very hard not to just break down crying.

"I'm okay," whispered Gail, her voice calm and soothing. "Viv's okay."

"Don't lie," she whispered back.

Gail sighed and nodded a little. "I'm alive, and I'm here. So's Viv."

That was more honest. Holly inhaled deeply and then leaned to look over at her daughter. Vivian was earnestly talking to Jamie, hands shoved deep into her pockets. She looked way too calm about everything that had happened.

But then Vivian took her hands out and Jamie stepped into her space. Vivian wrapped her arms around Jamie, tucking her in under her chin.

Holly sighed and hugged Gail tightly again. "I wish I was shorter," she muttered into Gail's shoulder.

"Oh?"

"I wish you could tuck me like that."

Her wife chuckled a laugh. "That was the nice thing about dating guys like Nick."

"All your exes are tall," mused Holly. The normalcy of joking like that, talking about topics long discussed, was calming. "Are you really okay?"

Gail took a moment to think about that, which was heartening. "For now," she finally said. "You need me to drive?"

"No." Holly inhaled and absorbed the smell that was Gail Peck.

There was always an underlying smell to Gail, a smell she'd first really encountered when Gail kissed her that first time in interrogation. The smell was one of leather and sweat and what she'd later learned to be gun oil. Then beneath that was something citrus and tart. Not acrid and not the vinegar of fear. But something else. Maybe that was courage? Bravery? Dedication? Did those things have a smell?

This time, Gail smelled a little of fear. Of doubt. Given her day, Holly understood that. Gail had probably tried to save a life. Even a criminals. And now she felt a double loss, of the life and of a piece of their daughter's soul. Though...

Holly squeezed Gail once more and let go. Looking over, Vivian seemed calm at the moment. "Viv," she said gently. "Do you need to talk to IA?"

"SIU," Vivian replied, keeping an arm around Jamie as she turned to her mother. "And I did that before I called Jamie. I'm off for at least two weeks, please see the department shrink."

What Holly really wanted was to ask Vivian to stay at home, with Gail and Holly. She wasn't sure how to ask that without sounding like a helicopter mom. "Well. Okay."

"We should stay at your moms," said Jamie, in a tone that sounded like she dared Vivian to argue.

Vivian just shrugged, capitulating without turning a hair. Sometimes Holly saw herself in her daughter. She always saw herself in Vivian, but some days were more clear than others. Today, Vivian was doing exactly what Holly did when she was more than a little overwhelmed. She shoved it all aside and acted normal. She ran from the drama.

There was a reason Holly didn't try to physically accost Gail for avoiding her, all those years ago, after all.

And that night, Vivian was incredibly quiet, thoughtful, and somehow not distracted. She was, more or less, the same Vivian she'd always been, but a little more like she'd been when they first met her. Which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

By the time the morning rolled around, Holly woke to find Gail asleep but in a different shirt. Her wife had a nightmare, recognized Holly, and she caressed Gail's cheek. The woman didn't stir, save to exhale deeply. Well.

Holly slipped out of bed and decided to make something to eat. At least coffee. If Gail was that out, she'd sleep until ten or so. By habit, Holly paused at Vivian's closed door and listened. Someone was snoring familiarly. Probably Vivian. If history was an indication, Vivian had gotten up to hang out with Gail. Maybe. It could also be Jamie snoring.

Either way, Holly let the other women in the house sleep and busied herself with making coffee and contemplating what food wouldn't wake them up. Which was when a creak on the steps alerted her to someone's presence. Gail always hit that step.

"Honey, go back to sleep."

"Sorry," replied a chagrined Jamie.

"Oh!" Holly looked up, surprised to see the young firefighter. "Jamie, I'm sorry. I thought you were Gail." She gestured for the girl to come down.

Hesitantly, Jamie came into the kitchen. "If you want to be alone, I get it."

"Oh no, honey. Gail got up last night, so I just want her to sleep more." And to reinforce her alright-ness with Jamie's presence, she poured a second cup of coffee.

Jamie took her time walking around to sit at the island. "Does ... Gail's asleep now?"

"She was when I left." Holly shrugged. "Is Vivian?"

To her surprise, Jamie rolled her eyes. "She is actually sound asleep. I have no idea how."

"Exhaustion," said Holly. "They probably both got up, though."

Jamie tilted her head. "That would explain the different t-shirt."

"Yeah, they have some weird connection," Holly pointed out. "They always just ... know when the other can't sleep."

"What? Always?"

"Pretty much. Since Vivian was six, they'd play Mario Kart, have some cocoa, go back to sleep."

"That's ... weird." Jamie made a face. "Were you ever afraid of monsters under the bed?"

An interesting question. "You mean a fear of the unknown? I was a bit when I was four, I think. My mom said I had a nightlight when I was little, but not when I went to kindergarten."

Jamie nodded. "I was, until I was almost eight. I was sure monsters were going to crawl out and take me away from my parents."

"That's really normal," Holly pointed out. She remembered learning about that in her psych rotation and dug up the babble for Jamie. That as children aged, their fear of the unknown manifested in a fear of invisible monsters or simply of 'the dark.' It really just meant they had realized how much they didn't know.

And Jamie seemed to get that. She nodded again. "Right? Like, we hide under the covers for protection. Like cats."

Holly couldn't help giggling. "Sorry. Gail used to say she was like a cat. She'd get up trees and get stuck."

Jamie paused for a moment. "Yeah. That sounds like Gail," she agreed. "But... she's not afraid of invisible monsters, is she?"

Alas no. Holly shook her head. "She's not. She's afraid of very real monsters." And she hesitated. "The monsters of your life, the very real ones who kidnap people and attack them and hurt them. Those are a lot harder to shake." It wasn't Holly's place to explain about Perik or Jerry. But she could ... "Vivian told you about when I got hospitalized, right?"

"Yeah. She said you had meningitis?"

"I was exposed to Luongo River Fever. It's like Ebola, more or less." Before Jamie could comment, Holly went on. "But that isn't the scary part. See. I was exposed because we were investigating a murder, and while we worked, the killer came back to steal the virus samples. And he shot and killed a detective in front of me."

Luke Callaghan.

Andy's ex-fiancé. The detective who helped find Gail when kidnapped by Perik. A good cop, if not really a good man. Or so Holly had felt when she had first known him. It wasn't until years later that Gail explained why the man she called Homicide was the way he was. Poor Luke. His family tragedy was so similar to Sam, the man Andy actually had married. And in a weird way, to Nick...

Well. Andy was drawn to drama and tragedy. Nothing to be done about that, really. And that didn't matter. Not today.

"What happened to the killer?"

"He's still in jail." Holly leaned back on the counter. "He's not up for parole, since he transported the samples from America. It was an international incident. Which I'm not supposed to talk about, but they made a movie about it."

Jamie laughed at that. "Another Gail and Holly movie?"

Holly had to laugh, too. "Neither of us are in it, actually. They show the detective being shot, and then cut to the forensics techs being whisked away... and that's all you see from it. Of me at least. Gail wasn't allowed to work on the case. Family."

That caused Jamie to look grim. "But they let Vivian..."

Ah. They let Vivian take the shot yesterday. "Fifteen was on lockdown, and the only two people qualified for that shot were I think Vivian and Nick." Both had incredibly close ties to Gail, but Vivian was younger and more recently trained. It was the right choice, Holly felt. In her head, at least.

Her heart hadn't yet recovered. By the looks of it, Jamie's hadn't either.

Holly out her coffee down. "How are you feeling, Jamie?"

The young woman fiddled with the coffee cup in her hands, looking studious. "I thought ... She called me, yesterday, I guess after they called you? And she just said that a cop was dead, two were in the ICU, and she was on administrative leave. I ... don't think I've thought about me yet."

Ah. It hadn't caught up with Jamie's head or heart. Well. Holly remembered that pretty well. "Worried she'll be dumb like she was after her cousin showed up?"

Jamie nodded, glumly. "I don't know what's helpful."

Holly understood that. It would have been much easier if Gail had friends, back then, who really understood he mess that was her head. "It's always hard to tell," admitted Holly, gently. "Vivian's problem is her monsters are real, though."

With an explosive sigh, Jamie nodded. "God, I know! Why couldn't she be afraid of vampires or ogres?"

"Gail wasn't either, as I gather." Holly smiled a little. "It makes them do things the rest of us find unfathomable."

"Like be totally blasé when shot?"

"Like that, yes."

Jamie scowled. "I mean... I get why she didn't call me right away when she was shot. We were just barely girlfriends then. And she said Gail was freaking out a little."

"A lot," corrected Holly. "She did this thing where she blanks out. It's rare, but Vivian seems to bring that out in her sometimes." Holly shrugged. "It's not an excuse, but Gail was pretty needy about it."

To Holly's surprise, Jamie smiled. "She was so exasperated, you know."

"I believe it. She hates people fussing."

Jamie grinned. "She does." Then she looked up the stairs. "I'm kinda scared, Holly," Jamie added softly.

"About her or you?"

"Yes. Both. Us?" Jamie screwed up her face. "All of it. I ... She said most cops go their whole lives without even pointing a gun at someone."

"That's true," Holly agreed. "But only if you think about it world wide, and include places like England where their cops don't have guns most of the time." She sighed. "It's true that most Toronto cops will never shoot anyone. But Vivian's in ETF. She may have to do this more than once, honey, because ... sometimes, someone has to be that person."

Jamie nodded and fiddled with her coffee cup. "But what does that make her? How fucked up is this gonna be for her?"

"I don't know." Holly reached over and touched Jamie's hand. "It's going to be hard, honey. It might hurt both of you a lot. But... You aren't alone in this, okay?"

Again, Jamie nodded. And then she rubbed one eye. "Thanks," she mumbled.

Ah. Holly moved around the corner of the kitchen island and nudged the coffee pot out of the way.

Sometimes a person just needed one thing, one small human connection, to remind them of not being all alone. Holly gently tugged Jamie into a hug, and was not surprised that the young woman cried within three breaths.

"I've got you," said Holly, holding Jamie close. "I've got you."

Clearly this isn't 'over' because we've not even looked into the mind of someone who was involved in this. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to delve into this plot line, but as I wrote it, I think it worked out alright.