Author's note: It would be nice to hear your thoughts and if you left a review after reading! I know that 44 people read the last chapter and only 2 or 3 took their time to leave a review, which is really sad. People that write fanfics put effort and time into the chapters, which you read for free. And all we ask is to hear about your thoughts or feeling or requests and wishes in a review. So please be fair and leave one after reading! Thank you!
I LEARNED TODAY, WHEN I STARTED WRITING THIS CHAPTER, THAT ONE OF MY FAVORITE ASIAN ACTORS, GODFRY GAO, WHO IS ALSO MY FACE CLAIM FOR DAKEN, DIED WAY TOO YOUNG AT THE AGE OF 35. IT'S BEEN DEVASTATING NEWS. :(
Changes Sequel – III. War + Epilogue – Epilogue Part 80
Future April 2054
When Steve opened his eyes, sleep still evident in them, he looked straight into confused ice-blue orbs. The shock that Bucky was actually awake made him raise his head and sit up a bit but he also remembered Jamie's warning that open eyes could mean nothing. "Bucky?"
"Why are we sharing a bed?" Bucky asked confused and Steve let out the breath he'd been holding. He reached out to push the button that would alert one of the doctors.
"Do you know where you are?"
Bucky looked briefly around and nodded slowly. "X-Mansion. ICU? I guess?"
"Yeah…," Steve nodded in relief. "Do you remember what happened?"
"That damn ice wall broke. I…fell?" Bucky said but sounded unsure.
"Yeah. It took days before we found you. You were frozen when we did," Steve explained and looked up when Jamie appeared, Hank right behind him. "He remembers."
"You sure?" Hank asked and saw how Bucky traced his movements. "Thank God…"
Jamie took a small lamp and asked Bucky to follow the movements of the light. "Pupils are reacting. Eye movement normal," he told Hank, who noted it down. "Do you feel your arm and legs?"
"Yeah," Bucky said.
"Can you move them?" Jamie watched how Bucky did and sighed in relief. "Any pain?"
Bucky nodded. "My back hurts. My left shoulder," he thought hard. "My head doesn't but… The pressure's annoying."
Jamie nodded. "You had a severe head trauma and were in a coma. You've been asleep for almost 3 months," he told him and Bucky's eyes grew wide in shock.
"Three?!" he asked in disbelief and wanted to sit up but Steve held him back. "How's Lily? And Becca? I…" He covered his face with his hands first and ran a hand through his now longer hair afterwards. "I missed three months…" He looked aside with tears in his eyes as Steve touched his shoulder.
"We helped her after I was well enough again. And her siblings too. They are fine, Buck!" he assured his friend who nodded slowly.
"I'd like to do another MRI scan to make sure you're really fine. And some tests," Jamie said and received another nod. "We'll slowly start you on solid foods again. It will take a while until your stomach's back to normal."
"S'okay," Bucky muttered and suddenly felt cold. "Please don't tell me my body heat's messed up again…"
"Pretty much," Jamie confirmed. "Steve had to share body heat quite a lot because you suffered from chills. It took us a while to find you. Some animal dragged you from the scene and Hiro discovered your body down a river."
Bucky shook his head. "No animal. When I came by again I heard something and crawled away in case it was Hydra. I aimed for the river to cover up my traces. When I almost drowned I climbed out of it and blacked out," he explained and noticed the stares he was getting. "What?"
"My boy…," Hank began and pushed up the glasses that hung low on his nose. "How did you manage to crawl? Your left arm was torn. We found it. There was a lot of blood surrounding it. And there was not a single bone in your body that wasn't broken. Your spine alone was broken in three places! How did you manage to crawl and swim?"
Bucky chuckled darkly. "Trust me if you know what Hydra will do to you…." He shook his head bitterly. "Then crawling and swimming with a broken body is nothing compared to what pain they can inflict…"
Jamie let the words sink in and nodded. "Anyway. We'll wait until your body temperature has normalized a bit before we'll do the MRI. You're shaking too much right now. Rest a bit, okay? It's still early. I'll let Lily and the others now that you're awake."
Bucky smiled. "Thank you."
Jamie nodded. "We need to discuss your left shoulder. You tore the plates pretty bad."
Bucky looked at the heavily bandaged stump. "It hurts…"
"I'll raise the painkillers. You might feel dopey though."
"When's he not?" Steve teased and smirked at his best friend.
"As far as I recall, Rogers, you invented stupid," Bucky countered drowsily and Steve snorted and pulled the blanket further up. "S'cold…"
"I know. C'mere," the blond said and settled back underneath the covers to pull Bucky close. He noticed how his friend's pupils were blown wide all of a sudden. "How much morphine did you give him?"
Jamie shrugged. "With your serum I can't tell how much is too much. It's trial and error," he lowered the dose and looked at his patient. "Let him sleep it off for now. If he's in too much pain call me and I'll raise the dose again." He waited for Steve to now before he left and went back upstairs. He checked the time and it was barely past 6 A.M. on a Saturday so he decided to have an early breakfast. Surprised he froze at the door as he noticed that Jean-Paul and Akihiro were already having breakfast in the kitchen. "You're already up?" he asked and went to get some bacon and eggs from the fridge.
"Yeah, he's got a shooting at 8 in the city," Jean-Paul said, clearly unhappy that he had to get up early.
"I told you to stay in bed," Daken shrugged and downed the orange juice.
"I won't see you until the evening, so no, I won't stay in bed!" Jean-Paul sulked and when Daken cooed mockingly, then kissed him, punched his husband against the shoulder with a glare.
Jamie chuckled and shook his head at the playful banter that started immediately after the punch. He was happy that his eldest brother was still in a good place and happy in his marriage, even though no one had believed it would last long. When Daken got up and pecked Jean-Paul on the lips after a hug, he waved his brother goodbye.
"Drive carefully," Jean-Paul called after him before he groaned and rested his head on the kitchen isle. "I think I will go back to bed…"
Jamie chuckled. "You do that."
"Why are you up already?"
"Bucky woke up," Jamie said and updated his brother-in-law quickly. "And since I'm awake anyway…" He shrugged.
Jean-Paul gave him an indefinable look. "How can you be so chipper so early on a Saturday?" he asked with a shake of his head and announced that he would definitely go back to bed right now.
In the end, Jamie's day was more or less uneventful since Bucky was sleeping throughout the whole day. While they sat together for dinner in the evening, Lily feeding Becca, Jack updating them on the lawsuit and Shinji only having eyes for Matt, who was on his phone and chatting with Sara. Bored, Shinji checked his phone too and read through a text from his brother and sister, quickly typing a reply as his eyes caught sight of an alert on the news that were broadcasted on the TV, which had been muted for dinner. According to the journalist a terrorist attack, most likely by an anti-mutant group, had happened in the city and several bombs had gone off. The explosion had caused two buildings to collapse and the death toll was already around 100. His blue eyes stared at the TV in shock and his heart suddenly beat way to fast. He was shaking. "Pa?" Shinji asked and Jean-Paul looked up, clearly confused that his son, who had inherited Akihiro's tan skin and looks but his eye color, was suddenly pale as a ghost.
"Est-ce-que ça-va?" the speedster asked concerned.
Shinji pointed at the TV where the reporter was still showing the scene. "Isn't that where dad is?" he asked and all eyes switched to the TV immediately.
"Oh my God…" Ororo gasped as she realized what she was actually seeing.
"Just great…" Scott sighed displeased. "How much do we bet the President will blame this on us instead?"
"That guy's a stupid fuck," Logan grunted and cocked an eyebrow as Jean-Paul's heartrate elevated. Their eyes met and he clearly disliked the fear he saw in the speedster's blue orbs. "He there?" Logan asked with a nod at the TV.
Jean-Paul, now pale as a ghost, nodded. "He had a shooting today… Logan, I can't reach him. The phone's dead…"
"Maybe he switched it off?" Kitty suggested but he shook his head and tried again.
"He never switches his phone off…," he muttered with a shaky voice and tried three more times but the line was dead. Coldness seeped into his veins and his body was full on shaking now. Desperate he looked at Jean, Jamie and Rachel with tears in his eyes. "Can you reach him?" he asked in a scared voice but before they could reply Shinji uttered a sob.
"That's our car!" his son said and pointed at the screen where the partially burned and damaged parts of a dark blue Audi was shown, a covered body on the ground next to it, the sheet soaked with blood. "Pa, that's our car…" Shinji stared at the screen in shock and didn't even feel how Matt hugged him from behind.
Immediately, Jean-Paul began to dial any other number he could think of. The photographer, the owner of the studio, the stylist, the hair stylist, the assistant… No one picked up, all of their phones were dead. Dread began to fill him and he hadn't even noticed that he was crying or that Jake had gotten up to hug him. He felt like being stuck in a nightmare and everything felt unreal…
"Can ya reach or locate'im?" Logan asked Jean, Jamie and Rachel, but before they were able to reply Jean-Paul's phone beeped, indicating a message. Logan watched how the speedster quickly opened his phone just to stare at it in shock and utterly devastated. "What?!" he demanded to know and it was Jake who took the phone out of Jean-Paul's limp hand and handed it Logan, who only took one look at it and left through the back door.
Confused, Jean took the phone and felt tears gather in her eyes at the message of Jean-Paul's twin sister, who was managing the shootings from Canada and had sent a picture from said shooting, gushing about how good it looked. And it did. Akihiro was dressed in a white suit, sitting on the ground behind a light beige wall, knees pulled close and crossed while his arms rested on them. He looked devastatingly handsome with bright and kind dark brown eyes and a charming wide smile. She felt a pang in her heart when she thought about how vile and angry he had been years ago and how much better he was doing by now, how carefree and happier he was. Thinking about him being gone… Swallowing hard, she handed Jamie the phone and got up. "I need to check on your father."
He simply nodded and looked at the picture too. Rachel touched his shoulder. "I can't reach him, can you?" she whispered and he shook his head. His eyes fell on Shinji, who was staring blankly ahead and on Jean-Paul who did the same, looked utterly crushed and still didn't realize that Jake was next to him for support. "He can't be just gone…," Jamie muttered and refused to believe it.
Jack shook his head in denial. "A blast wouldn't kill him," he said aloud and glared at the kitchen isle. "Remember when that Hydra base blew up and he was in it? He was IN it! He healed from that!"
"We don't know what they used… Maybe… Maybe his spine was injured…," Lily said, tears streaming down her face.
"And we don't heal from that!" Laura added grimly and got up to leave the room. Hellion followed her quickly, knowing that she refused to cry in front of people.
The only noise was the TV in the background. Everyone else was silent, occasionally wiping their eyes or silently crying. Jean-Paul couldn't take it anymore and jumped off his stool, leaving the room in a rush.
"I need to…," Shinji began and Matt nodded, going with him to check of his boyfriend's father.
"Damn it…," Scott cursed as he followed the news report and the death toll was now around 120. "Are the Avengers taking care of it?"
"Tony wrote no. They are currently in Seattle and dealing with some murder robot that he did NOT invent this time," Raven read the message on her phone. "Should we go any help?"
Jack shook his head. "Since our dear president took the office the attitude towards mutants in the city got worse. And after that…" He pointed at the TV. "I wouldn't go there."
"He's right…," Kitty agreed and turned her head when Jeanne-Marie, Jean-Paul's twin sister suddenly entered the kitchen. What shocked her though was the person behind her.
"Sorry for the interruption but where's my brother? I can't carry his ass back to New York in order to get his car and…," Jeanne-Marie froze as she noticed the shocked stares. "Quoi?"
"Did something happen?!" Daken asked concerned and seconds later the backdoor opened and Logan appeared, breathing hard as if he had just run. Before he could ask Daken found himself enveloped in his father's arms and firmly pressed against his chest. "Dou shimasta ka, otousan?"
"I thought I lost ya…," Logan muttered into the crook of his son's neck, trying hard not to start crying again but a tear ran down his cheek anyway.
Confused Daken exchanged a look with Jeanne-Marie. "Why?"
"You didn't hear? I thought you were in the city?" Scott asked and looked to the side when Jean entered, clearly relieved to see her stepson.
"We were. But when we finished early she wanted to have some dinner, so she ran us to a restaurant close by," Daken explained.
"Where he ate so much that I refuse to fly his heavy ass back to get his car," Aurora added upon which he huffed.
"You're just too weak, sweetheart!" he returned the favor and she slapped his arm. "So what happened?"
"There was an anti-mutant terror attack right at the building where your shooting was. The death toll is around 120," Jean updated them and both of their faces turned pale. "They showed the front of the buildings and Shinji recognized your blown up car. We couldn't reach you…"
"I left my phone in the car…," Daken said and his eyes switched the TV when another report on the attack was broadcasted. His heart was instantly in his throat as he saw what was left of the two buildings.
"I've gotta make some phone calls…," Jeanne-Marie muttered and left through the backdoor with her phone in her hands.
"Where are they?" Daken asked and Jean figured out who THEY were.
"I pick up on them in your room. You might want to take someone with you. They are both devastated and it would shock them to see you all of a sudden."
"I come with you," Hank offered and left with Daken, after that one gave Logan, Jean and his siblings another tight hug.
Jack looked at his twin sister, who looks worse for wear. He reached out to touch her shoulder and saw the tears in her eyes. "You okay?"
Lily sniffed and wiped her face. "I don't know. I'm really tired and feel like crying constantly," she said and reached for another orange to munch on. "Hormones." She shrugged.
"If you want we can take Rebecca for tonight," Jean offered.
"She's actually an angel and sleeps through already. I had to check on her last night because she didn't wake me up," Lily said and finished peeling the orange. "I don't know what's wrong with me. Probably the stress of the past weeks." She put the slices on a plate, took Rebecca from Rachel and headed back upstairs. There she prepared the girl for bed, cuddled with her for a while before she put her down and switched on the TV in the living room, where she snuggled into a blanket on the couch and soon dozed off.
Future May 2054
A few days later Jake was back in court while Jamie and Hank did a thorough check up on Bucky. The MRI came out okay and showed that the brain injury had healed, the left shoulder was still a mess and the spine still healing. After a long discussion they agreed that Bucky was allowed to rest in his rooms, especially since Lily was constantly moping and he missed his girls terribly. So Steve and Sam took it upon themselves to help Bucky slowly walk back to his apartment and dropped the exhausted man on the couch, where Lily had already put some cushions and a few blankets for him to settle comfortably and in case he got chills again.
"You look beat," Sam commented and Bucky huffed.
He lay stretched out on the couch, his heart pounding as if he had run for a couple of hours and he felt utterly exhausted. "'cause I am…"
"Don't worry, man. As soon as your spine's all healed up you and Cap can kick my ass again when we go running," Sam tried to lighten the mood. "However, if you start with On your right again, I'll seriously kick your ass, Barnes! It's enough when Cap does his On your left shit!"
"I'm just being polite," Cap said innocently and smirked.
"Yeah, right. Geezer! Anyway, gotta head back. We've got a training session. See you around and get better soon!" Sam said his good-byes and left, leaving Steve to stare at Bucky.
"Seriously, how are you feeling, Buck? You're pale as a ghost."
"My back's killing me…," the man on the couch muttered while his arm was covering half of his face. "Jamie did a 3D scan of my backside. Maybe something healed wrong."
"Maybe…," Steve muttered.
"And just for the record," Bucky added with a glare. "I'm fucking pissed at you, Rogers! What were you thinking heading into that Hydra base alone?!"
Cap looked down. "I know… I was waiting for Tony and Nat to catch up, but Hydra was quicker…"
"You could have been killed or worse they could have disappeared and turned you into another winter soldier! What's with you being unable to stick to rules?! You have a girl and a kid now, Steve! You know what it's like growing up with just one parent, so what the fuck were you thinking?!" Bucky watched how Steve shrunk into himself. "I swear I'd deck you, if I could get up!"
"I'm sorry, Buck…," Steve said and sounded very small and vulnerable. "I don't know what I'd have done had you died… I know it's been my fault as Azzano was my fault…"
Bucky lowered the arm from his face. "Azzano wasn't your fault. We've been through that already."
Steve snorted and looked away. "But it was… They offered you to get a medical discharge and to go back home. If you had and if I hadn't asked you to join my commando, you wouldn't have fallen from that fucking train and Hydra wouldn't have gotten their fucking hands on you."
"You know that's bullshit, right?" Bucky asked and demanded of Steve to look at him. He saw the tears in his friend's eyes. "Steve… I'm more than sure that Hydra's been watching me the moment you rescued me from that base. I was the only one who survived the serum procedure and there was no way in hell Hydra would have let me go back home. Even if I had boarded that ship, I would have never made it home. They would have made sure of it! So it's not your fault! And I never blamed you nor will I ever blame you!" he assured Cap, who sniffed and looked away again. "Steve… Peggy talked to me and I want an honest answer. Two actually…"
Steve heaved a deep breath. He had figured Peggy had talked to Bucky about him after she had been concerned for his mental health. He knew he was in a pretty dark place right now. "…what?"
"Was there a parachute on the Valkyrie?" Bucky asked and Steve's body froze, his heart pounding in his chest. "Could you have jumped out before the plane crashed into the ice?" he added and watched Steve closely. "Honest answer, Steve!" He waited for a long time until he saw the barely there nod. Bucky swallowed hard and sat up a bit. "If Peggy was still in the past and I wouldn't have survived the fall… What would you have done?"
"Ended it…," Steve muttered and looked away in shame, unable to hold back the tears anymore.
"Steve…"
"Pathetic, I know…"
"Steve!" Bucky tried once more and when the blond raised his head, despair and so much pain visible in his eyes, Bucky's heart broke for his friend. "C'mere, Stevie," he said and Steve crossed the gap until he was fully crying and breaking down in his best friend's arms. Bucky held him and waited for Steve to calm down enough to listen to him. "Why?"
Steve shrugged. "I wasn't in a good place after you fell in Azzano…"
"I know, I read your file. But suicide, Steve! Jesus fucking Christ… I saw the picture of you frozen. You purposefully lay down on the ground with your shield on you as if you were in a coffin or something. What the hell, Steve?!"
"I promised your family I'd bring you home… That we'd make it home…" Steve shook his head as he saw Bucky holding on to the train for dear life again. "You always protected me and I couldn't, I just couldn't reach you and then you fell and I was left behind. It didn't feel right to go home, to tell your parents I failed and that your body was somewhere in the alps and that I wasn't even allowed to go look for it, to live in our apartment without you being there… And then they gave me the next mission and the next and it's always been the next mission after I woke up. No one asked how I felt, no one cared that I was completely lost, that my world, my family and friends were gone like just yesterday and that I woke up in a completely foreign world and all they wanted me to do is put on the costume and be Captain America again. NO one understood that Captain America isn't me. That I'm not invincible, that I've got feelings, that I'm human. I was always this damn public figure and by now I don't even know who Steve Rogers is anymore." He looked at Bucky in despair. "I don't know who I am anymore, Buck…" He startled when he noticed that Peggy was suddenly standing next to them. He had neither heard her coming inside, nor noticed her at all. Ashamed he looked away, but she knelt down next to them and embraced him tightly.
"You need help, Steve…," she whispered and blinked away her tears. "And this isn't your fault, darling," she added and cupped his face. "They took you and used you until you broke and even then they didn't stop. It's not your fault. You've been through way too much…"
"I'm sorry I'm not what you deserve…," Steve sobbed into her neck and she shushed him.
"Darling, you are all I want. So none of this nonsense! And we'll help you through this. You're not alone."
Steve looked up to meet Bucky's gaze and his best friend nodded in agreement. He leant into them and closed his eyes, the weight weighing him down. He felt so exhausted and done, so… "I'm so fucking tired…"
"I know, Stevie…," Bucky said and shifted until he was able to put his right arm on his friend's shoulder. "And you need help…"
Steve nodded. "I know…"
"My therapist comes to check on me in three days. I could ask her. She's good. But it's something you need to want," Bucky suggested and watched Steve contemplating the idea. It took a while but he nodded. "That's the first step, Stevie."
"You sound like Sam…"
"Well at least one of us does," Bucky shrugged and exchanged a look with Peggy. "You should get some rest. Will you be fine or will you do something stupid?"
"It's all right if you want to stay here, darling," Peggy said but Steve shook his head and wiped his face.
"I'll be fine," he assured them and tried to smile. He helped Peggy up before he leant down to hug Bucky goodnight. "Call when you need help."
"You too," Bucky said and watched them leave. Instantly, he reached for his phone and texted his therapist, who agreed to see Steve when she came over. Relieved he put the phone away again and checked the time. Since it was still two hours before Lily would be back from college, he decided to give her a quick message that he was okay and resting on the couch as promised. After her kiss emoji reply he put the phone away with a smile and used all blankets she had left for him until he looked like a human burrito. About to doze off he opened his eyes again as he heard something at the window to the balcony. Confused, Bucky stretched his neck but couldn't see anything at first. Then there was another scratch and another which were accompanied by a heartrending sound that sounded like a kitten meowing. Intrigued Bucky used the furniture to get up and to support himself while walking until he reached the balcony door and indeed there was a tiny snow white kitten with blue eyes sitting in the rain and staring back at him. It was clearly shivering and miserable. Not thinking twice he opened the door to let the tiny thing inside and the kitten immediately came into the warm room and meowed once more. "Who are you lil'fella?" Bucky asked and closed the door again. Slowly he reached down to scoop the kitten up and was shocked at how soaked and shivering it was. "Let's get you dry, shall we?" he said and carefully made his way to the bathroom to get a towel, then went back to the couch, the kitten bundled up in the towel. Bucky used the blankets to turn himself into a burrito again and was surprised when the kitten moved from the towel underneath the blankets to seek warmth. Smiling to himself he closed his eyes and dozed off.
Introducing Alpine, Bucky's cat from the comics. I'll update soon.
As I said: It would be nice to hear your thoughts and if you left a review after reading! I know that 44 people read the last chapter and only 2 or 3 took their time to leave a review, which is really sad. People that write fanfics put effort and time into the chapters, which you read for free. And all we ask is to hear about your thoughts or feeling or requests and wishes in a review. So please be fair and leave one after reading! Thank you!