When the call came through from the Jedi Temple, they were both surprised to find they weren't put through to the Council Chambers, but to Buffy's apartment.
Sat awaiting them, each one holding a steaming mug in their hand, were Yoda, Mace Windu, Count Dooku, Quinlan Vos, and Andrew. A large plate full of freshly baked cookies had been placed on the table and everyone, except for Yoda, appeared to be tucking into them with relish.
Buffy felt relieved to see that her Watcher was still in one piece. She'd asked the Count to keep an eye on him, although afterward, she'd been wondering if that had been such a good idea. Dooku didn't have a high opinion of Andrew. He'd told her once that in his opinion her Watcher was 'one step away from being an imbecile' and begged 'for the sake of his sanity' to never pair him with Andrew on any vampire hunting missions.
While Obi-Wan, with a deep bow, showed off his excellent Temple manners, Buffy gave everyone one of her customary waves. Andrew waved his cookie at her in return, mouthing are you okay? She gave him the thumbs-up sign. Count Dooku lifted his mug up in greeting, and Quin quirked a grin at her and winked.
"Miss Summers, in good health, you seem," Yoda politely intoned.
"It's really good to see you, Buffy," smiled Mace. His teeth were looking very white today and his head extra shiny.
"Thanks, it's nice to see you all too," Buffy replied her smile fixed in place. She knew she was such a liar. Okay, she didn't mind Nick Fury, although recently he'd gotten a little creepy with his suggestions, but Yodel's judge-y looks she could live without. She nodded to their mugs and the big plate of cookies. "I see Andrew's been a good hostess."
"Andrew has been very accommodating. We could smell these cookies baking as soon as we left the turbolift." Mace took a bite from the one he was holding, chewed it, and nodded in approval. "These are delicious. It's a shame we can't have freshly baked cookies laid on at our Council meetings. I'd look forward to those long meetings a lot more if we did." He licked the crumbs from his lips and took another bite.
Buffy's fixed smile morphed into a sly smirk. "Yep, welcome to the dark side. We always have the best cookies."
Obi-Wan gave a faint sigh of disapproval and tutted. She knew he was thinking that she wasn't helping her case in winning Yoda's friendship, but the opportunity was irresistible. Mace Windu inhaled sharply, then coughed violently as if a crumb had gone down the wrong way. Yoda glowered at Buffy, then banged Mace vigorously on the back with his little green fist until Mace waved his hand, begging the Grand Master to stop.
Quin and Dooku looked at each other, shrugged, then leaned forward to snag another cookie from the plate.
"It was only a joke," said Buffy, feeling a little guilty at seeing Nick struggling for breath. "They aren't really dark side cookies." She decided that while the Jedi masters were temporary speechless (Nick gasping for breath and Yoda with annoyance), it would be a good time to tell her Scoobies her big news. "Andrew, I've got some fabulous news! The Republic have given me a spaceship!"
The revelation almost had Andrew exploding with excitement. "Whoa! That's so cool. What type is it? Where is it? Is it on Coruscant? When you gonna fly it? When can I see it?"
Grinning, Buffy replied, "It's here on Naboo. Get this, it was Darth Maul's ship." Out the corner of her eye, she could see Yoda and Nick Fury exchanging glances. "That means first I snagged his lightsaber and now his ship."
Andrew made an odd squealing noise and grabbed Quin's arm. Almost making the young knight spill his drink. Quin yanked his arm away and glared, but Andrew didn't notice.
"You've got The Scimitar? The Scimitar! I can't believe Sidious has given up The Scimitar!"
The mention of the Sith's ship's name had Yoda's eyes turning suspiciously in the Watcher's direction. Mace Windu wheezed and began coughing once more.
Andrew screwed up his face. "That's a Star Courier ship secretly modified to become a Sith Infiltrator. It's got, like, six laser cannons, a proton torpedo launcher, and an illegal cloaking system created by using rare stygium crystals that came from the planet Aeten!" His legs started to jiggle up and down, his antics shaking the sofa and earning glares not only from Quin but also Count Dooku who were trying to stop their drinks from spilling. "I can't wait to see it, Buffy. Are you gonna fly it back?"
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, they're adding another pilot's chair so I can fly it with Obi-Wan. I'm going to be like Captain Kirk."
"Can I not be Kirk?" Andrew pleaded, making puppy dog eyes at her. "Please, please, please let me be Kirk. Go on, you know how much I want to be him. I've got his autograph and a full-sized copy of his uniform at home."
"Uh-no, I'm the captain. You can be... er, Chekov."
"But I don't wanna be Chekov. If I can't be Kirk, can I be Spock?"
Buffy shook her head. "Nope, Obi-Wan is going to be Spock. He's my second-in-Command."
"Spock?" muttered Obi-Wan. He wasn't looking impressed. "I thought he was an emotionless alien with strange ears?"
"Okay, you don't need to be Spock. You can be my space pirate," she joked.
"Are you changing the ship's name to the Millennium Falcon?" Andrew asked. "Is that why you've dressed Obi-Wan up as Han Solo?"
Buffy gave a mock squeak of alarm, "Don't you dare say it! Don't you dare say I look like a Wookie!"
Andrew snorted a laugh, "Nah, I'd never compare you to Chewie!"
"Only because you know you'd die painfully if you did!" she teased. She cast her Watcher and the rest of the Jedi-Scoobies a thoughtful look. "Seriously guys, Andrew's right. I need to think of a new name for the ship."
"Voyager, Enterprise, Galactica, Moya..." rattled off Andrew.
"Important, this ship's name is?" interrupted Yoda. He'd become tired of the banter between Buffy and Andrew and wanted the meeting back on track. "In danger, the galaxy is. Wanting to joke like a youngling, you should not be."
Immediately, the Count jumped to Buffy's defense. "Miss Summer has been presented with a spacecraft by the Republic." Dooku glowered darkly at Yoda. "This is an important occasion for Lord Vader and I'm sure we can all spare a few minutes to discuss it."
The Vader comment almost made Andrew's eyes to bug out with horror. "Don't call it the Executor!"
Count Dooku refilled his cup from the teapot and looked at Andrew with narrow-eyed interest. "Why not?" he asked. "Is there some significance in that name?"
Buffy shook her head. That name didn't mean anything to her, but she guessed it did to Andrew. "Nope, it means nothing to me. That one isn't on the list. I thought of calling it Slayer One."
"Jango's is Slave One," Andrew replied, opening his mouth again, intending to recite the make, model, and weaponry of Jango's ship.
Buffy saw the descent into geekdom coming and quickly forestalled him. "Yeah? Luckily I changed my mind. I was going to call it The Flash, as it's fast. Then Obi-Wan reminded me he calls his lightsaber Flash."
There was a spluttering noise. Count Dooku began to cough. One hand trying to hold the teacup steady, the other politely covering his mouth as he coughed. Andrew, ever eager to help, leaned around Quin, to thump the Count on his back. It caused the Count's tea to spill over the top of the cup and slosh down his dark tunic.
"Idiot!" snarled Dooku between coughs. "You're making things worse!"
Sheepishly, Andrew stopped thumping and instead handed him a napkin from off the table. The Count wiped tea from his chin before dabbing at the liquid on his tunic and hands.
Meanwhile, Mace Windu's eyes had become round as he stared in disbelief at Obi-Wan. The young knight's heightened color was obvious to all despite him being a blue hologram. Quin gave a hiccup of laughter, while Yoda rubbed at his few remaining tufts of hair.
Obi-Wan lifted his chin defiantly. "I'm not the only one who's given his lightsaber a name," he said. Daring anyone to argue differently.
Buffy tutted." Honestly you guys, it's no big. Obi-Wan's got his Mr Flash..." 'It's just Flash,' muttered Obi-Wan, but no one took any notice of him, "...and I've got my Mr Sparkly and Mr Smoky. I don't see the problem."
When no one argued with her she grinned. "Back to the important stuff. I want to call my ship The Scythe, as it's like the ultimate Slayer weapon and cut a swathe through evil with its prow laser beams."
"Laser cannons," corrected Obi-Wan automatically.
"Yeah, laser cannons," agreed Buffy, giving Obi-Wan a warm smile.
"The Scythe," Dooku savored the sound of the name. "I like it. I am sure it will be an appropriate name for, what I am sure will become, an illustrious ship." He inclined his head gravely, giving it his seal of approval. Then, having rubbed the last of the tea from his cloak, he screwed up the dirty cloth and chucked it at Andrew. Who picked it out his lap and placed it on the table without a word.
"I like it too," said Quin. "I hope there will be a spot for me on your crew."
"There'll always be room for you or any of my Jedi-Scoobies," replied Buffy.
"Let me congratulate you on your new ship, Buffy," Mace Windu said diplomatically. "Now, if we could move on to the purpose of the meeting. We've called this meeting as we needed to address a number of concerns before you leave for the Lake country and no doubt go out of contact." He shot a look at Yoda, who was sucking the end of his gimmer stick and watching the Slayer. "Buffy, we need to talk to you about your relationship with the Supreme Chancellor."
"Been on CNN again, you have," Yoda pointed his gimmer stick at her crossly. Buffy had the feeling he wanted to hit her with it. In the past, she'd seen him whacking padawans who'd made him cross.
"Huh?"
Mace adjusted his robe, his face uneasy. "There was an item about you on their gossip channel. You need to understand, it isn't something I make a point of watching. I was making breakfast and it just happened to be on."
"The gossip channel, not something the Jedi watch, it is," Yoda stared at the cookies in front of him with suspicion. He then reached into his pocket, took out a candy, and popped it into his mouth.
"Yes, as I said, the only reason I saw it was because I was busy making breakfast," agreed Nick Fury. "However, there's a popular and regular program on there called Society Glitz. It carries all the latest juicy gossip on the galaxy's rich and famous. Who's going out with who, battles between estranged spouses, drug addictions, the latest fashion trends, and so on." He rubbed at his chin, his dark eyes staring into hers. "They were talking about you, Buffy. They showed footage of the Floral Parade in Theed with you sitting in the place of honor by the Supreme Chancellor's side." Mace took a deep breath and finished in a rush, "You looked very... intimate with him."
"Whispering things in his ear, you were," added Yoda, sucking hard on the candy. "Saw it for myself, I did."
Mace nodded and plowed on, "They showed an in-depth interview with a Twi'lek called Leranda who claims to be a close friend of yours. She told the reporters that you and Palpatine are actively sharing a bedroom in the palace and that everyone expects an official announcement to be made once you return to Coruscant."
"She's no friend of mine! It's all lies!" spluttered Buffy. Next to her, Obi-Wan had tensed, aware that there was more to come.
"It showed a clip from an interview with Palpatine. When asked if the two of you had any permanent plans, his reply was rather damning," added Mace Windu, his face stern. "Palpatine said there comes a point in every man's life when he realizes it's time to set up a nursery, and you were the ideal woman to do that with.
"Why would I even want to start a childcare business with Sid?!" Buffy asked, confusion in her face.
"He means, he wants to start a family with you," Obi-Wan explained tersely.
Buffy horrified eyes met his.
Count Dooku cleared his throat. "Miss Summers has already told us that she has no intention of marrying Sheev Palpatine. The Jedi Council should take her word and stop this needless interrogation and embarrassment. I for one know who'd I'd rather believe. And it's neither that dreadful channel who use fake news to boost their viewing figures nor is it a Sith Lord who is desperate to get his hands on our Slayer." He curled his upper lip, his face full of disdain. "The Sith weren't like that in the old days, they had more respect for themselves. I think he's senile."
"I never thought there'd be any truth in it," responded Andrew. He leaned back on the sofa, hugging his caff cup in one hand while pushing the remains of a cookie into his mouth. Crumbs sprayed from his mouth as he went on, "I know Spike reckoned Buffy likes her men with a bit of darkness in them, but they were always good looking guys. Even if she has a history of falling for the sadistic, mass-murdering types she wouldn't go for Prune-face."
The Watcher's comment was followed by a heavy silence in the room. Dooku's dark eyes stared down at his tea, slowly stirring the contents with a teaspoon unsure of what to say. Quin ducked his head, hiding his expression behind his dreadlocks. Whilst over in their respective seats, Nick and Yoda exchanged a significant glance. Buffy cringed and closed her eyes. Silently wishing she had Vader's Force power of choking people into silence from a distance, namely Watchers with big mouths.
Obi-Wan stirred uneasily next to her. Was he worried again, in case she was interested in Sid?
~I'm not interested in Palpatine~ she whispered through their bond.~You know that, don't you? It's you that I care for.~
~I know. Palpatine is my concern. This title and those gifts that he gave to you in the name of the Republic... He seeks to manipulate you. It doesn't bode well for the future.~
Buffy wasn't sure what to say or do to improve the situation. She always tried to appear unperturbed in Sid's company, playing down her own fears and trying to keep Obi-Wan and the rest of the Jedi from freaking out. But she wasn't stupid. She was well aware of what Sid was capable of and the lengths he'd go to achieve his goals. It was one of the reasons why she preferred herself to be the object of Palpatine's focus rather than little Anakin. The kid had had no chance. He might have walked into the Sith's trap in Lucas's dimension, but she'd do her damnedest to stop it happening in this one.
Next to her, Obi-Wan folded his arms to hide clenched fists, she could hear him inhaling and exhaling slowly, using his Jedi training to allow his negative emotions to disperse into the Force.
"Masters," Obi-Wan began, his voice steady with no trace of the battle he'd just fought with his feelings, "Has any evidence of Palpatine's Sith allegiance or any of his misdemeanors been discovered yet?"
Yoda's long, pointed ears dropped. He leaned forward in his chair, putting his weight on his gimmer stick as he looked at the young knight. "Impatient for results, you are. Easy to find evidence, it will be not. Cunning, Palpatine is. Many years to unmask him, it may take us." His mouth turned down into a thin line, obviously not happy about this answer either.
"Years?" Buffy repeated softly. A trickle of panic flowed from her to Obi-Wan. He unfolded his arms, allowing them to drop by their sides, his fingers discreetly brushing against hers. This was the most contact he could do while in sight of the Jedi masters.
~Don't worry. The Jedi are many and we know the enemy is trying to hide in plain sight. He's bound to slip up sometime.~ Obi-Wan whispered down their bond, attempting to reassure her. The Grand Master's answer had served to worry him further. How long did they have before the Dark Lord of the Sith made a more drastic move on Buffy?
"More to say, we have." Yoda pushed another candy into his mouth and crunched it, staring first at Buffy and then the young Jedi knight as he did so.
A/N; The meeting is a large chapter with several important subjects covered. Hence I split it into two. Musey refused to co-operate otherwise and since she is as obstinate as a mule I obeyed. We still need to write the second half. :/
The story will be moving on to the Lake country soon. Remember what happened there in AOTC?
The chapter title comes from a certain video on Youtube. :)
Any mistakes please let me know and I will correct them.
Thank you to those who take the time to review.