Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji (Remastered)

by Rei Ryuugazaki

[College AU] Prompt: Victor is harboring two hopeless crushes: one on the cute boy with glasses in his art history class and the other on the sexy, mysterious figure who skates alone on the local outdoor rink at night. / Victor Nikiforov and Yuri Katsuki share an art history for a semester and it turns out staring isn't rude after all.

56. Chapter 56

Ryuugazaki: Happy Chinese New Year! Here is my gift and my obligation to you to you to keep me [redacted because last time I said something like this my entire fanfic got deleted].

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Chapter Fifty-Six

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 1:39am, Marseille, France)

Yuuri was up doing changements trying to see if the hypertrophic scar on the ceiling was real. They had texted Gabriel, talked to Olivia, started feeling feverish, and decided that doing changements was the perfect response to a potential and drawn-out hallucination. Their conversation with Olivia was bugging the hell out of them. They had told her – because who else would they tell? – how they almost kissed Gabriel and how they felt bad for their hoeish tendencies. Olivia laughed at them and said, "let it go."

But Yuuri couldn't let it go.

They were the Monarch of Not Letting Shit Go™. That's why they were still putting up with Olivia despite swearing themselves off of her. They sighed. Khoudia was probably asleep and would have many questions if they called her to come be with them at 1am. Victor would be more readily accepting of Yuuri coming up at 1am, but it was still suspect. So Yuuri's only remaining option was to just go out to do something – anything to get themselves out of their own head until they go to sleep. Their phone buzzed.

Gabriel: Just texting you to let you know that I'm thinking of your pretty eyes tonight.
: Thank you
Gabriel: Oh, you're awake now? Don't you have an event?
: I do. I just can't sleep.
Gabriel: Do you want me to call you to keep you company?
: No thank you. I think I'm just going to go for a walk. Shouldn't you be going to bed? Don't you have work today?
Gabriel: I do, but I would much rather talk to you.

Yuuri got up and went over to the chair. They felt like walking. They didn't know where they would be walking or if they would be getting back to the hotel. They just knew that they wanted to be outside in the cold air – and Yuuri hates the cold. One day, Yuuri would like to go to a Caribbean country. Just for the warmth. And the beauty of the landscape and the local flora. Yuuri could go to a Caribbean nation with their camera and sketchbooks and take pictures and draw the flowers and the landscape. They wouldn't have to worry about much of anything.

When Yuuri stopped thinking about island hopping, they were already dressed and putting on their Docs. They looked down at themselves, bewildered that they even managed to get dressed right now. They grabbed their phone, their coat, and left their room.

They walked to the park that they and Khoudia would cut through for breakfast. It was currently closed, but Yuuri hopped the short fence and continued walking. They picked a seemingly nice spot in the park and laid down. The grass was wet and cold, and there was a smell in the air. Yuuri questioned whether or not that scent was there. They closed their eyes and tried to find a warm spot on the grass. They wanted to come outside to clear their head and sort themselves out. Now that they were out here, they didn't know where to start. But they had to start somewhere. They didn't want to live in a constant state of guilt and shame. They didn't want to skate anymore. They didn't want to be with themselves. They rubbed their cold face and sighed. They would have a few hours until they would be back on the ice. They could afford to be out of their room for a few hours.

Not necessarily days because they would have to go back eventually. They don't want to make Khoudia and her family worry about them. Yuuri sighed again. They didn't know when, but they would go back to the hotel – possibly before breakfast – and prepare for the day. They would bathe and try to wash away last night's shame and figure out a way to make themselves good enough for Victor. After everything they've been doing, they couldn't see a way to make this better for themselves or merciful for Victor except for breaking things off with him. They realized that they wouldn't be able to use the words "break up" because that would be too hard for the both of them to handle, but they also knew that they couldn't be so selfish. Maybe, if Yuuri were lucky, while they were separated, Victor would meet someone nice who was capable of giving him what he wants and needs and he would break things off first. That would be preferable. And, if that doesn't happen, Yuuri supposed that they would have to bite the bullet and be upfront. But Yuuri hoped that Victor would meet someone right for him during their separation. He deserves it; he deserves everything good in this world.

Yuuri started to pick at their face as they looked up at the sky. It looked so beautiful. They pulled out their phone and took a picture. Yuuri would text it to Khoudia right now if it weren't going to raise a question of why Yuuri was outside at this time. There was also the question of whether or not Khoudia was awake at this time. Yuuri hoped that Khoudia wouldn't be awake and in the mood to come down and talk. They wanted to be alone with their thoughts – but not alone with themselves. And they got exactly that.

At about 2:45 or so, Yuuri wanted a drink. So they left the park and decided to head out to a local bar. They went to the one by the café. They had wanted to go inside earlier, but it was closed. It seemed to be open now. So Yuuri opened the door and went inside and took a seat at the bar. There wasn't a bartender currently there right now. They must be in the bathroom or something.

Olivia: Thinking about you.
: Oh, that's nice because I was thinking about you, too.
Olivia: Shouldn't you be asleep?
: Should be. But I aim to disappoint.
Olivia: So, what were you thinking about?

The bartender came back, wiping their hands on their waist apron. They smiled at Yuuri. "What would you like, ma cherie?" The bartender asked.

"Um, what do you know how to make?" Yuuri was a wreck when it comes to ordering cocktails. They didn't know much about them except that there was alcohol in it and that they drink them.

"How about a Black Russian?" Yuuri shook their head. "A Kamikaze? I can make a mean Kamikaze." Yuuri shook their head again. "A Moscow Mule? A Long Island Iced Tea?" Yuuri shook their head again. "How about–?"

"Can I just have a beer?"

"What kind do you want?" The bartender leaned on the bar and moved closer to Yuuri's face.

"Well, what do you have?"

"We have Kronenbourg 1664." Yuuri shook their head. They didn't want to think about Gabriel and having a Kronenbourg would make them think of him. "We have 3 Monts." Yuuri hesitated but ultimately shook their head.

"What kind of beer do you like?" Yuuri asked.

"I don't really like beer, but, if I had to choose, I would have either a Bière du Démon or a Pietra." Yuuri made a face. "Bière du Démon is the strongest blonde beer in the world. Pietra is a nutty beer." Yuuri made a face when they heard that. "I think I understand that face. So Bière du Démon?" Yuuri nodded. "Bière du Démon it is," the bartender said. The bartender left and came back with a bottle of le Démon. He put it in front of Yuuri. "Drink up!" Yuuri weakly smiled and took the top off of the bottle. They took a sip. "So?" Yuuri nodded. "Great!" The bartender pulled up a seat. "So, what brings you to Bar De La Paix at this empty hour?"

"I just wanted to take a walk in the park. And then I wanted a drink. So here I am."

"The nearby park?" Yuuri nodded. "You know that's closed, right?" Yuuri nodded. "You're rebellious. I like that." Yuuri sheepishly chuckled and took a sip of their beer. "What's your name?"

"Yuuri. Yours?"

"Paul." Paul held out his hand for Yuuri. Yuuri took it; Paul shook. Paul's hair was in a bun and dyed lime green to match his olivine eyes. "So, Yuuri, what made you want to walk in the park this lovely morning? Fight with your girlfriend?" Paul smiled. Yuuri took a sip.

"Well, not necessarily a problem – because this problem has a solution – but… I don't know." Yuuri took a sip. They could learn to like this beer.

"Let's explore that," Paul said. "What happened during this fight? What was the catalyst?"

"We didn't fight," Yuuri said. "But, like, I have to break up with them."

"That seems pretty drastic, don't you think?" Paul questioned. "Hold on," he said. He got up and went into the back. Yuuri decided to text Olivia.

: Let's go out for dinner on Sunday.

Yuuri put their phone on DND. Paul came back with a Coke and a straw. "Continue."

"So I have to break up with them. They're literal perfection and everything I could have ever wanted, but I can't live with possibly fucking up some more and hurting them." Paul nodded. Yuuri took a sip.

"Sounds like you're in love," Paul said, taking a large sip of Coke. "What could you possibly do that would hurt your baby?"

"I'm so afraid that I'm actually going to complete the act and cheat on them." Paul nodded. "I've almost done it twice, and I don't want to slip up and do it."

"So you think it would be better to end it now rather than cheat while you're with her?" Yuuri nodded and took a sip. "I would like to posit this: What do you think would hurt her more? Cheating or breaking up with her when she thinks everything is going well?"

"Well, I have two plans of action." Paul nodded. "The first plan of action is just to tell them that this is why I can't be with them anymore." Paul nodded and took a sip. "My second plan of action is to ask to go on a break. While we're on 'break,' they meet a nice person who's capable of being honest and open with them – giving them what they deserve – and they ask to end it. I will grant that, and they'll be free."

"So you unnecessarily keep her tied down for a bit longer instead of just being upfront?"

"It's not my intent to tie them down. I was hoping that they find someone sooner rather than later and this can be over and done with." Yuuri took a sip. "I don't want to keep my partner tied down." Paul smirked.

"And let's say that you did go with your second plan," Paul said. "What if they didn't meet anybody? What if they purposely kept themselves unavailable because they believe that you're going to get back together?" Yuuri shrugged. "Your plans need more nuance." Paul scratched their beard and looked at their nails. "I'm a fan of option one if you can't tell." Yuuri took a big sip and nodded. "Let's explore this: Why have you almost cheated on your partner?"

"The first time it was because I was really sad. The second time I just… I don't know. I don't have an excuse." Yuuri took a sip of beer and looked at the bottle. "I just know that it's for the best. For my baby and me. They deserve the best of everything as the best of everything. I simply cannot do my best by them."

"You seem like you're trying to convince yourself more than anything," Paul said. Yuuri shrugged and took a large sip of beer. "Do you want to do this to your partner? Do you really want to break up with them?"

"Never. I love him." Yuuri blushed. Paul smiled.

"And you weren't going to correct me?" Paul questioned. They smiled.

"I'm just used to people thinking I'm straight by now. I don't overthink it." Yuuri took another large sip.

"But that's your boyfriend. You should be proud to be with him. Correct me when I come out of pocket." Yuuri shrugged and looked at their fingers. "So you love your boyfriend. You don't want to break up with him. But you think it's what's best for him?" Yuuri nodded. "How do you know that it's what's best?"

"It's what he deserves."

"And how do you know what he deserves?" Paul took a sip of soda.

"I know he deserves goodness and commitment and I know that I can't give him either of those things." Yuuri took another sip of beer.

"What if you tell him about your shoddy commitment issues and he decides to stay?"

"Then he's kind of dumb, and I don't know what the fuck he's even doing with his life." Paul laughed. "Life is too short to be with someone who isn't capable of satisfying you properly."

"Does your boyfriend satisfy you?" Yuuri blinked and took a sip.

"In… in what way?" Paul shrugged.

"You said 'satisfy.' Not me."

"If we're talking emotionally, I wouldn't know. He's trying to get me to be open with him, but I don't really talk to him about that. I talk to my roommate and doctor about that." Paul nodded and took a sip. "Physically, I'm satisfied. I think."

"You think?" Paul questioned, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled. "You have to know that."

"I mean, I like it. It's something I'd like to keep doing with him." Paul started laughing. "What's so funny?"

"You're inexperienced. It's kind of cute." Paul took another sip. He was halfway done with his can.

"When I was saying 'satisfy,' I was trying to convey satisfaction in regard to emotional intimacy. I'm kind of useless when it comes to that." Paul chuckled.

"Then get better. You are allowed to learn in relationships." Paul smiled. "You need to communicate with your baby more. Or your communication skills need to get better."

"See, that's the thing: My communication skills are actual poubelle." Paul giggled.

"Then get better." Yuuri rolled their eyes and took a sip. "Tell me, how good is the foundation between you two?"

"Pardon?"

"Your foundation. What was your relationship established on?" Yuuri made a face and shrugged. Paul deadpanned. Yuuri took another sip of beer. "Jesus Christ, you don't know what your relationship was established on?"

"He said he wanted a relationship with me on our second date and I agreed."

"Why?" Paul whined.

"I already had strong feelings for him. I wanted a relationship down the line; I just didn't expect it so soon." Yuuri took a sip. They were halfway done, and it hadn't hit them yet.

"I am so confused right now," Paul said. "Take it back to the beginning. How did these feelings emerge? How did you know him?"

"He's prolific." Paul made a face. "Not even Instagram prolific but for real prolific." Paul nodded. "We met because he decided to come home – to the area I'm currently living in – to take classes. I complimented his hair. He didn't speak to me at first, but he kind of cornered me in the library because he wanted to talk to me." Paul nodded again and took a sip of soda. His can started to sound empty. "In our next class together, he kind of asked me out and asked for my number." Paul nodded again.

"Kind of asked you out? How did that happen?"

"We have museum assignments, and he wanted me to come to the museum with him." Paul nodded. "He asked me for my number so we can coordinate a time and place to meet so we can go to the museum." Yuuri smiled goofily. "He held my hand! That was the first time he held my hand!" Yuuri gushed. "And he touched me! He touched me and–and–"

"And what?" Paul was smiling.

"It was great! I loved it!"

"Did he touch you some more after that?" Yuuri nodded.

"We held hands, and he walked me home!" Yuuri giggled.

"Do you usually get like this when you talk about good memories of your boyfriend?" Yuuri slowly nodded and took a sip of their beverage. They smiled. "So, the foundation is that… I don't really know why you're together."

"I think we're together because we like each other a lot and we're both kind of sensitive. Our sensitivity complements each other's." Yuuri took a sip of beer. Paul nodded. "Maybe he was kind of lonely, and he decided to date someone as a partial joke, and it got carried away." Paul rolled his eyes. "Is that a reach?"

"I don't know your boyfriend," Paul said. He smiled. "You are more familiar with him than me. You are the best judge regarding this." Paul took another sip and tapped his can. "So you met him in class?" Yuuri nodded. "What class was it?"

"It's an art history class." Paul nodded.

"What do you study? What's your major?"

"I'm getting a Bachelor's of Fine Arts in, well, you know, art and dance."

"Ooh, that's fascinating and unique," Paul said. He smirked. "Do you know what I'm studying in college?" Yuuri shook their head. "Psychology." Yuuri smiled. "I'm going to be a drug rehabilitation counselor one day, but, until then, I'm a bartender." Paul smiled. "Let me introduce myself again." Paul held out his hand. "Paul Beaumont, future drug rehabilitation counselor." He smiled. Yuuri grabbed his hand and shook it again. "You introduce yourself again."

"Yuuri Katsuki, depressed visual artist and professional figure skater." They smiled harder and took a sip. "It is very nice to make your acquaintance, Paul Beaumont."

"And it's very nice to make yours, Yuuri Katsuki." Paul laughed. "So, where do you usually live?"

"I'm currently staying in Detroit for school, but my family's back in Japan." Paul nodded.

"Where in Japan? Any place I might know?"

"How familiar are you with the Saga Prefecture?" Paul made a face. "That's what I thought." Yuuri laughed. "I come from a small town in Saga." Paul nodded. "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Aix-en-Provence." Yuuri nodded. "It's a ninety-minute train ride from here." Paul tapped their can on the counter. "I stay in the area, actually. Where are you staying?"

"The, um," Yuuri started snapping. "The Hôtel Kyriad Marseille Palais." Paul nodded. He took out his phone and started to tap and scroll. Yuuri looked at him do something.

"How do you spell 'Katsuki'?" Paul asked. Yuuri spelled it out for him. "Thank you very much." Yuuri nodded.

"Why did you a–" Paul brought his finger to Yuuri's lips to hush them. Yuuri looked down at Paul's finger and blinked.

"Shh," Paul cajoled. "You'll see soon enough, okay?" Yuuri nodded. Paul removed his finger from Yuuri's lips and tapped his soda can against the countertop. They looked at Yuuri's bottle. "Can I get you another beer?" Yuuri nodded. Paul got out of his seat and took his can with him. Yuuri quickly took out their phone. They had several texts from Olivia.

Olivia: You want to go out?
Olivia: With me?
Olivia: Why
Olivia: I would have never thought!
Olivia: Where do you want to go? What time do you want to meet? What do you want to do after?
: Um, I'm feeling Italian. Maybe at 5pm? After we can go to the park or whatever.

Paul came back with a new beer and a can of seltzer water. He had rinsed out the straw. Yuuri grabbed their beer and opened it. Paul opened his can of seltzer water. They "clinked" bottles and cans and took a sip. "So, what's it like being an artist? Is it fun?"

"I like it enough to be one," Yuuri said. Paul smiled. "What's psychology like? I've only taken a handful of psych classes."

"It's a lot of material, a lot of terms to remember." Yuuri nodded. "I love it though. I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't have a love for it." Yuuri nodded again and smiled. "Is it the same thing with art?"

"Basically. It's frustrating, but I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't love it."

"My sentiments exactly!" Yuuri smiled and took a sip of their new beer.

"So is this place usually so empty at this time?" Paul nodded. "What do you do when it gets so empty?"

"I study or strike up a conversation with a patron. It's good practice for me." Yuuri nodded. "I get the exposure that I need to work with clients, and these alcoholics get therapy that they wouldn't be able to afford in America." Paul shrugged and took a sip. "It works out for everyone involved."

"It works because you have a charismatic personality," Yuuri said before they took a big sip. "Your smile is very warm and inviting. You also look very non-threatening despite your stature and muscles." Paul smiled. "What I'm trying to say is that you look like a very inviting person and your smile makes people want to talk to you."

"Really?" Paul asked. He grinned. "Usually I get told that I look very intimidating."

"Then you were lied to," Yuuri said. "You are the furthest thing from intimidating. You are a bear." Paul laughed.

"I'm a bear?"

"You are a bear."

"Why am I a bear?" Paul asked, smirking.

"You are large and hairy and possibly chubby." Paul nodded.

"Well, do you want to touch my belly?" Paul asked. Yuuri tilted their head to the side. Paul stood up. "Touch my belly and tell me that I'm a bear." He lifted up the bottom of his turtleneck for Yuuri. He had pudge around the belly. Yuuri patted and groped his belly. "Am I a bear now?"

"Yes, you have become even more of a bear." Paul giggled and pulled down his shirt. Yuuri sat back down and took a sip of beer. "Bears are usually chubby."

"Let me tell you," Paul said, "my boyfriend loves my chub. He says I keep him warm in the winter." Paul giggled. "It gets kind of weird and sticky during the summer, though. I'm a big cuddle monster, and my boyfriend hates cuddling during the summer since I get really sweaty." Yuuri giggled. "Let me show you a picture of my Yannis!" Paul took out his phone and unlocked it. "Yannis is all small and petite. He's beautiful, though." Paul turned his phone around to Yuuri. "Look!" Yannis was a slender black guy with a small afro. His afro was cut kind of close and was neon pink. He was grinning next to his bear in his crop top and shorts. "This was from July! We went to Pride together, and someone thought that we looked so beautiful together and they wanted to take pictures of us for us." Paul grinned.

"Your hair is green, and Yannis' is pink," Yuuri pointed out. Paul nodded. "Cosmo and Wanda."

"Pardon?"

"Cosmo and Wanda. You know, from The Fairly Odd Parents." Yuuri took out their phone and searched for pictures of Cosmo and Wanda. "See?" Yuuri turned their phone towards Paul. He grinned.

"Aah! I have to tell Yannis this!"

"Is Yannis awake right now?"

"Probably not. I tell him to not wait up for me. My baby needs his beauty sleep." Yuuri smiled. Paul unlocked his phone and started to text his boyfriend. He was grinning madly.

"So why did you assume I was straight?"

"Literally everyone that comes in here is straight. Can I really be faulted?" Paul took a sip of his seltzer water. "Plus, you're Japanese. Aren't they, like, super queerphobic?" Yuuri shrugged. "What? How do you not know?!"

"I never started dating male-identifying people until I came to America." Paul nodded. "So I wouldn't know the extent of queerphobia in Japan because I've never experienced it." Paul nodded again. His phone buzzed. "Yannis?" Paul smiled and nodded. "What did he say?"

"'*murmure* Holy shit nous sommes Cosmo et Wanda.'" Paul giggled. "What does your boyfriend look like?" He smiled. Yuuri took two big swigs of beer and went to their photos. They went back to the park photos and showed them to Paul.

"This was before we started dating."

"You two look so pretty together," Paul said. They scrolled to another photo. "Oh, look at his eyes!" Yuuri nodded excitedly. "They're so pretty!"

"My boyfriend is beautiful," Yuuri said, slightly bragging and slurring their words.

"My boyfriend is beautiful, too," Paul retorted. He checked the time on his phone. "Oh, it's getting late. Shouldn't you be getting back to the hotel?" Yuuri shrugged and took a big swig. "Aren't you with anyone?" Yuuri shrugged again. "Yuuri," Paul said. "Get back to the hotel."

"One more beer," Yuuri whined.

"Fine, one more beer and you get back to the hotel," Paul said. "It's getting late."

"I know," Yuuri said. "What time is it exactly?"

"03:35," Paul said. "We close at 4hrs so hurry up. Take big swills." Yuuri took two big swills of beer. They were halfway done already. "What are you going to do after you leave?"

"I might find another bar," Yuuri said.

"You can't," Paul said. "The bars usually close at 4hrs. You have to go back to the hotel, baby." Yuuri shrugged. "You're going to have to start chugging."

"I am a pro at chugging," Yuuri said. "Hold the bottle." Paul took the bottle from Yuuri. They got out of the stool and sat on the floor. "Now come here." Paul looked at Yuuri. He sighed and got out of his chair. He left from behind the counter and stood next to Yuuri. "Now put the bottle in my mouth." Paul put the lip of the bottle against Yuuri's mouth. "Now tilt it up. I'll signal you." Paul nodded. Yuuri tilted their head back and brought the neck of the bottle with them. They gave Paul the signal. Paul lifted the bottle up, and Yuuri started chugging. Before Yuuri – and Paul – knew it, Yuuri was done with the bottle. "Another."

"Yuuri, I –"

"Another," Yuuri said.

"Are you trying to get drunk?"

"I wouldn't be here if I wanted to be sober," Yuuri said. Paul was deadpan. He sighed and went to the back for another bottle. When he came back, Yuuri was holding their head in their hands.

"Are you okay?" Paul asked. Yuuri nodded. They put their head up, uncapped the beer, and brought it to their lips. Yuuri started chugging. When Yuuri was done, Paul set the bottle aside. "Another?" Yuuri nodded. They wiped their mouth. "This is the last one."

"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?"

"You had three large bottles of beer, Yuuri."

"One more and I'll pay and go," Yuuri slurred. "I promise." They held out their pinky for Paul to link. Paul sighed and went back to the back for one last Bière du Démon.

"Last one and then you go back to the hotel," Paul said. Yuuri nodded. They brought the bottle to their lips and chugged that, too. Paul helped Yuuri get up and placed his arm around their back. "Do you need me to get you an Uber?" Yuuri shook their head. "Are you sure?" Paul asked. Yuuri nodded. Yuuri forced themselves to stand up straight. They zipped their coat and wiped their face with their hands. "Are you okay enough to walk back to the hotel?"

"I'm fine. I'm sure," Yuuri groaned. They took steps and swayed. Yuuri patted their pockets for their phone. "Wh–"

"Your phone is in your pocket," Paul assured them. Yuuri snapped their fingers and remembered to pay for their beers. Yuuri did that, and Paul escorted them to the front door. "Get back to the hotel safe, okay? I don't want to hear about you on the news." Yuuri nodded. "Oh, and one more thing," Paul said. Yuuri nodded. Paul told them the thing, and it went over Yuuri's head. They heard Paul talking, but it sounded like nothing. Yuuri nodded. "I'll remind you of this once I get home, okay?" Yuuri nodded.

"Wait, wh–" Yuuri stopped talking to get a breath of air.

"Don't worry about it," Paul said. He opened the door for Yuuri and patted their back. "I'll message you later, okay?"

"Bu–"

"Don't worry about it!" Paul said. He patted Yuuri's head. "Just get back to the hotel okay, okay?" Yuuri nodded.

"Thanks, Paul," Yuuri slurred. "You're great."

"And so are you." Yuuri finger gunned Paul and started staggering back to the hotel. When Yuuri hopped the first fence to the park, they staggered and decided to take a seat on a bench. They took out their phone and slowly dialed Victor's number. Yuuri didn't remember when or by what means they remembered his number, but they did, and they were dialing it. Victor picked up.

"Yuuri?"

"Baby?" Yuuri slurred.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?"

"Not n-necessarily," Yuuri said. "I know it's really late-slash-early, but can you do me a favor and come to the park?"

"The park? Why are you in the park?" Yuuri's phone buzzed twice. "Yuuri?"

"I'll explain later. But just – just come to the park and wait for me."

"But why are you at the park? Where do I wait? Isn't it closed right now?" Yuuri closed their mouth and took a deep breath. "Baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Where do I wait for you?"

"You know where the big gates are?"

"Yes," Victor said.

"Wait to the left of those gates. I'll be hopping the fence over there." Yuuri brought their knees to their chest.

"You hopped a fence?!"

"Yes. What else was I supposed to do?"

"Not hop a fence!" Yuuri shrugged and wiped their face. They felt like there was a curtain being cast over their eyes. "I'm getting dressed right now. Hold on." Yuuri nodded. "I can't believe this," Victor mumbled.

"Did I disrupt your sleep?" Yuuri asked. "I'm sorry. I should've just taken an Uber back to the hotel."

"Why were you even out at this time?" Victor chastised. Yuuri rolled their eyes. "It's late. You told me that you were going to bed."

"And I did."

"I didn't know your bed was outside." Yuuri rolled their eyes again and sprawled themselves out on the bench. "How long do you think it'll take you to get to the gate?"

"I don't know. Depends on if my brain forgets how to walk."

"What?!"

"Calm down. I'll be fine." Yuuri rolled off of the bench and scrambled up. They forced themselves to stand up straight and started walking again. The cold air was hitting them in the right places, and it almost sobered Yuuri up. Almost. Yuuri tried to walk straight. They were really trying to. "Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm walking right now, but why are you even outside?" Yuuri looked up at the sky. It was still dark out. "I know you said that you hopped the fence to get to the park, but why are you even in the park at this hour?"

"I just needed to think," Yuuri slurred.

"Couldn't you think in bed?"

"No," Yuuri said. "I needed to get out and think."

"So you hop a fence to a park and… do what exactly?"

"Lay down and think about everything," Yuuri said. Victor was silent, but Yuuri could hear Victor breathing on the other end. "Are you okay?"

"No," Victor said. "I'm rushing to get to you, and you haven't even told me why you're outside at this hour, what made you leave the hotel, and why you sound weird right now."

"I sound weird?" Yuuri questioned. They stopped walking. "Look, I'll explain everything when I get to you, and I'll make all of this go away, okay?" Yuuri resumed walking. "I'll make all of this go away, and we're going to be okay. Okay?"

"What are you talking about?" Victor questioned. Yuuri blinked. "What do you mean by 'we're going to be okay'? Aren't we already okay?" Yuuri remained silent. "Yura."

"Yes?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, but I'm almost at the gate." There was a period of silence between Yuuri and Victor.

"I'm at the corner," Victor said. He yawned. "I still can't believe that you had me get out of bed to come to get you."

"Do you want to come to get me?" Yuuri questioned. "Because, if not, I can have you turn back around and go back to the hotel. I can walk myself back."

"No, I'm already out here, and I'm almost at the park." Yuuri rolled their eyes. "I'm coming to get you." Yuuri rolled their eyes again and staggered. They steadied themselves and continued walking.

"No, if you're upset, then go back to the hotel. I'll walk myself back."

"And I told you that I'm already out here, so I'm coming to get you. Don't argue with me on this."

"I'm not trying to argue," Yuuri said. "But you sounded annoyed, and I'm sorry. I'll walk myself back."

"Yura! I'm already out here, and I'm coming to get you! Christ!" Victor yelled. Yuuri sucked their teeth. Victor sighed. "I'm at the gate. Where are you?"

"I'm coming right now," Yuuri said. They were approaching the gate and was able to make out a dark figure. Yuuri approached the figure and patted the back of its head.

"Yuuri?" Victor looked behind him and hung up their phone. They quickly shoved it into their pocket and turned around.

"Let me hold on to your shoulders," Yuuri said. They placed their hands as firmly as they could on Victor's shoulders and brought their legs over the fence. Yuuri staggered into Victor's chest and held on tight. Victor's coat was made of wool, and it was cold. They couldn't snuggle up to this at all. Victor helped Yuuri stand up straight and looked at them. His long, cold fingers grazed Yuuri's jawline. He sighed.

"Let's get back to the hotel," Victor said. Yuuri put their phone in their pocket. Victor slung his arm around Yuuri's back to support them.

When they got back to the hotel, it was nearing 4:45am. Victor had taken Yuuri back to his room. Yuuri immediately faceplanted on the bed.

"Can you at least get out of your coat first?" Victor chastised. He flipped Yuuri over to unzip their coat. Victor grabbed the zipper and Yuuri moved his hand away. "What?"

"I can do that," Yuuri said. They unzipped their coat and slid out of it. Victor grabbed Yuuri's coat and placed it on a chair. He knelt down to untie Yuuri's shoes. Victor pulled off Yuuri's shoes and set them to the side.

"Do you want me to take off the rest of your clothes?" Yuuri did something akin to nodding. "Okay, arms up." Yuuri lifted their arms over their head, and Victor pulled off Yuuri's hoodie and tank top in one swift motion. Victor helped Yuuri out of their pants and placed those with their hoodie and coat. "Now you can go to sleep," Victor said.

"Thank you, baby," Yuuri said. They pushed back the covers on Victor's bed and clumsily got under them. Victor undressed and got into bed. Victor wrapped his arms around Yuuri and snuggled up to them.

"You're a wreck," Victor murmured.

"I know."

"I love you."

"I know," Yuuri said. They moved closer to Victor and yawned. "I love you, too." And, despite feeling like they're mentally on a hypercoaster, they were able to fall into a drunken sleep.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 7:26am, Marseille, France)

Victor woke Yuuri up because their phone was ringing. "Hey," Victor said as he lightly shook them. "Your phone." Yuuri rubbed their eyes and looked at their phone, trying to process what's going on. "It's ringing." They took it from Victor and picked up.

"Yeah?"

"Yuuri! I've been calling you!" Khoudia yelled. Yuuri winced at the sound of her voice. "My parents want to know if you want to go to breakfast with us!"

"Is your mom feeling better?"

"Yeah, her cramps are usually the worst on the first day." Yuuri nodded. "I'm outside your door right now, and you haven't opened your door yet."

"I'm not in my room," Yuuri told her. "I'm with Victor."

"What? Why are you with him? You said you were going to bed after you dropped me off!"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you in your dressing room." Yuuri wiped their crusty eyes and yawned.

"So, you're not coming to breakfast with us?"

"No, sadly," Yuuri said.

"What do you want me to tell my parents then?" Khoudia asked.

"Tell them I'm not feeling well this morning and that I'll see them this afternoon." Yuuri yawned again. Victor was sitting across from Yuuri, observing the conversation.

"Are you sure you want me to tell them that? You know they'll probably want to come to check on you, right?"

"I'm going back to bed."

"What?"

"Tell them that I'm going back to bed, so I won't hear the door." Khoudia sighed. "You're the greatest."

"I know," Khoudia said. "Alright. I'll tell them that. You enjoy whatever you were doing with Victor." Yuuri nodded. Khoudia hung up the phone and Yuuri put their phone on the nightstand. Yuuri looked at their fingers.

"Good morning," Victor said. Yuuri smiled. "Are you going to tell me what earlier was about?"

"What what was about?" Victor deadpanned. "You mean when I called you?" Victor vigorously nodded. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"Why were you outside?"

"I needed to think."

"About what?"

"Things." Victor rolled their eyes. "I just needed to get out of the hotel and clear my head." Yuuri shrugged.

"Why did you sound weird last night?"

"I went to a bar. Had a few drinks." Victor made a face. "Don't make that face. You look cute." Yuuri stretched up to kiss Victor's forehead.

"Don't make this a habit," Victor said. "I don't like worrying about you." Victor kissed Yuuri's forehead.

"I promise you that this won't be a habit," Yuuri said. They kissed Victor's nose. "I know how to take care of myself."

"I don't doubt that you can, but I just don't like thinking about what could happen to you." Victor clambered over Yuuri's legs and pulled the covers on their side of the bed back. He slid in and laid down. "Lay with me." Yuuri did as Victor asked and cuddled up to him. "Yuuri?"

"Yeah?"

"Who is Paul?" Yuuri yawned.

"Paul is the bartender from last night."

"Oh, because he messaged you asking if you got back safe." Yuuri nodded. "And who is Gabriel?"

"Someone from last night. We were talking, and he asked for my number." Victor made a sound. Yuuri closed their eyes. "Does that bother you?"

"A little bit," Victor said. "What were you talking about with him that warranted the number exchange? Surely it couldn't be so important that –"

"Joy Division," Yuuri quickly said. Victor arched an eyebrow. "Joy Division is serious business." Victor shrugged. "I'll play Joy Division for you sometime."

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about Joy Division?" Yuuri shrugged. "Are they good?"

"Super good," Yuuri said. They yawned. "Do you want to go out for breakfast?"

"Are you up for it?" Yuuri shrugged. "How do you not know? You just asked me."

"I figured that you'd be hungry," Yuuri said. "Aren't you hungry?" Victor shook his head.

"Not really. I'm just glad you're okay," Victor said. He kissed Yuuri's right temple. "One more thing." Yuuri nodded. "Olivia texted you about dinner. I thought you weren't going to see her again." Yuuri remained silent. "Aren't you going to tell me why you're going to see her again?"

"Because I want to," Yuuri murmured.

"But why?" Victor questioned. "She made you uncomfortable after your last dinner. Why do you want to see her again?"

"She was one of my first friends in Detroit, and she came back last month. I want to try and rekindle our friendship. Can't I try and do that?" Victor sighed.

"If you wish," Victor murmured with an insolent eye roll. Yuuri looked at Victor and sighed and got up. They walked over to where Victor put their clothes. "Where are you going?"

"Back downstairs," Yuuri murmured. "I don't want to upset you any further."

"Stay with me," Victor said. "We can go out for breakfast. Just stay with me." Victor got out of bed and stood beside me. "Don't leave me."

"I'm not going to leave you." Yuuri stood on their toes to kiss Victor's forehead. "And we can go to breakfast. Just let me shower and put on regular clothes." Victor smiled. Yuuri kissed him. "Do you think I can just go to my room in my pajamas?"

"Probably," Victor said.

"Good." Yuuri gathered their things. "I'll text you when I'm ready." Victor smiled. Yuuri stood on their toes again and pecked their happiness on the cheek. "Can you open the door for me?" Victor nodded and opened the door. "Thank you," Yuuri said. "I'll see you soon." Yuuri stepped out of Victor's room. On their way back to their room, they bumped into a small blonde adolescent. "Oh, sorry," Yuuri mumbled. They shuffled past the blonde, but they still felt his blue zircon eyes on them. The blonde turned back to look at Yuuri shuffle to the elevator. Yuuri suddenly felt increasingly anxious and self-conscious about everything – most of all and especially their walking.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 8:41am, Marseille, France)

Yuuri's shower was long and hot. They wanted to wash off the night's cold sweat and shame. They didn't wash their hair; it felt too cold to wash their hair. Yuuri was lacing up their shoes. They hadn't texted Victor yet.

: I'm ready.
Victor: Great! I'll be down soon!

Yuuri finished tying their shoes and went to their coat. Yuuri sniffed their coat; it smelled fine. They put it on and checked their pockets for their wallet, keycard, and house keys. They sat next to their phone and yawned. Yuuri was mentally running on about 29%. They had hoped that breakfast would recharge them just a little bit. They didn't know if chocolatine and hot chocolate would revitalize them, but it was worth a shot to try. Yuuri sighed and laid on their back. While she was showering, they were thinking about Victor this morning. His behavior this morning struck them as odd, and they didn't know what to do about it or if they should do something about it at all. It might not even be a problem; it might just be a one-off thing. Or it could be a problem, and it should be something that's nipped in the bud. Only time would tell whether or not this would be a problem.

While Yuuri was on their head trip, Victor was knocking on their door. "Baby?" Yuuri snapped out of it and got up. They grabbed their phone and opened the door. "Baby!" Victor hugged them tight. "Are you ready?" Yuuri nodded. They closed the door behind them and stood next to Victor.

"Let's go." Victor held out their hand for Yuuri. Yuuri smiled weakly and held Victor's hand. They walked to the elevator. Yuuri pushed the down button for the elevator.

"How was your shower?" Victor asked.

"It was fine," Yuuri murmured. "It was long."

"It was long," Victor said. "Your showers aren't usually that long, are they?" Yuuri signed "more or less." The elevator came, and they got on. Victor pushed the button for the ground floor. "Chris called when I was in the shower. He wanted to know if I wanted to go out for breakfast with him."

"And?"

"I told him that I couldn't because I was going out for breakfast with you." Yuuri looked at Victor. "What? I want to go out to eat with you. Chris and Yuri will be fine eating without me." Yuuri made a face.

"Yuri?"

"Yes, Yuri," Victor said. "He's my rink mate. I told you, remember?"

"You didn't mention that his name is Yuri, too," Yuuri said. "What does he look like? How old is he?"

"He's fifteen. He's blonde and has blue eyes." Yuuri nodded. "I think I have a picture of him, hold on." Victor took out his phone and started scrolling. Yuuri was looking at the lights at the top of the elevator door. "Here!" Victor nudged Yuuri. They were snapped out of their headspace and looked down at the photo. Victor's Yuri looked small and waifish like the blonde Yuuri encountered in the hallway this morning. They felt strangely empty. Again. That feeling had previously come and dissipated when they were in the shower, but now it felt like it was here to stay. "My kotenok is a difficult one." Yuuri nodded. "I love him greatly, though." Yuuri nodded again. "Where do you want to go for breakfast?"

"Well, we probably can't go to the usual café. Khoudia's parents are there, and I had Khoudia tell them I wasn't feeling well."

"And Yuri is already mad at me for making him go to breakfast with Chris by himself," Victor murmured. "We should go to a different café." Yuuri took out their phone and started searching. Victor peeked over their shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for a café," Yuuri said. After a minute of scrolling, Yuuri found a café that looks reasonable. "How about this one?" Victor looked. "It's a sixteen-minute walk from here." Victor nodded. "Do you want to go?"

"Do you want to go?" Victor replied. Yuuri deadpanned. "I'll only go if you go."

"Well, I know I'm going. Are you going?" Victor snickered and nodded. "Then we're going." There was a lull. "Do you want to leave without me?" Victor squinted.

"Why do you think I want to leave without you?" Victor questioned. "We're leaving together."

"I'm just thinking that – you know –"

"No, I don't know. Explain your thought process me."

"You're Victor Nikiforov. What business do you have with being with me?" Victor sighed. "I figured that you'd be embarrassed to be with me."

"I've gone out with you before. Why should I be embarrassed to be with you now?" The elevator stopped on the ground floor, and they got off. Yuuri awkwardly trailed behind Victor. "Walk beside me, not behind me." Yuuri complied with Victor's request and sped up. Victor squeezed their hand. They passed by a man with this woman.

"Hey! Victor!" Victor stopped walking and looked back.

"Oh, hello Jean," Victor quickly said. He tried to get walking, but Jean-Jacques called out for him again. Yuuri let go of Victor's hand and retreated within themselves. "Do you need something?" Yuuri looked at the woman with Jean-Jacques. She looked pretty Asian – and, not to mention, that she was very pretty. Her red lipstick offset her pale skin and pitch-black hair.

"Just wanted to say 'hi' and ask why you're holding hands with the new skater."

"Because I can. Yuuri, let's go," Victor said. Victor started to walk off, and Yuuri followed behind him. Victor held out his hand for Yuuri and Yuuri tentatively took it. They walked to the southern corner. There was a silence between them, but Yuuri had a simmering question.

"Who was that?" Yuuri asked.

"Jean-Jacques Leroy. I told you about him."

"And who was that with him?"

"I think that was his girlfriend," Victor said. Yuuri nodded.

"His girlfriend is so pretty. He lucked out."

"I lucked out, too," Victor said. He pecked Yuuri's forehead. He smiled and squeezed Yuuri's hand again. And so, they walked to The Provençal Café.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 9:05am, Marseille, France)

The interior of The Provençal Café was white, and they had painted Strelitzias on the walls. The windows were large, and it reminded Yuuri of the café back at home. The café at home didn't have Strelitzias on the walls, but it was the décor which made Yuuri think about it. "Pick a spot," Victor said. "I'll order for us. What do you want?"

"Chocolatine and hot chocolate would be nice," Yuuri mumbled. They looked around Provençal and picked a spot near the window. In retrospect, it wouldn't have been wise to pick a place where people would easily see them, but the sun looked so pretty in that spot – it would've been a crime if they didn't sit there. So Yuuri sat there and looked at Victor as he ordered. Once he was done, he stepped to the side to wait. Yuuri took out their phone. They should get back to Olivia.

Olivia: So, we're going to dinner on Sunday. We're meeting at 5pm, and we're gonna go to Andiamo Detroit Riverfront. After that, we might go for a walk. We might stay at Andiamo and have drinks. We might head back to my place and blaze.

: Mm-hm.
Olivia: Great! I'm looking forward to this!
: I am, too.
Olivia: And I promise you. No disasters will happen unless you want them to happen.
: My entire life is a disaster. So no matter what happens, there WILL be a disaster.

Yuuri looked back at Victor. He waved. Yuuri weakly smiled.

Olivia: Your life is not a disaster.
Olivia: But I gotta know: How are you going to make things right with your boyfriend?
: I can't tell you.
Olivia: Why? Don't you trust me?
: I can't tell you because I'm not sure if I want to go through with it.
: I love him so much and I don't want to do this, but it's the only way I can be able to sleep at night now. He deserves better than someone with a truly queer sexual energy that can't even be directed entirely towards him.
: This is honestly tearing me apart.
Olivia: Welp. Idk what to tell you nor do I have any insight on what you plan to do about this.
Olivia: But, uh… Have fun hoeing after you do the thing?
: You're not being helpful.
: But then again, you never usually are.

Victor walked over with their breakfast and beverages. Yuuri put their phone down and smiled. "One chocolatine for my Yura," Victor said as he gave Yuuri their chocolatine and hot chocolate. "And one mouillettes for me." Victor uncapped his coffee. He smiled. "I'm glad you asked me to breakfast even though you said you don't eat it." Yuuri weakly smiled. "So tell me about that."

"About what?"

"The not eating breakfast thing," Victor said. He gently cracked his egg with the back of the spoon. "Why not?"

"Heartburn in the morning," Yuuri simply said. "Especially eating like that."

"You get heartburn?" Yuuri nodded and looked down at their chocolatine. "If that's the case, you should be getting heartburn every meal."

"It's worse in the morning," Yuuri said. They took a sip of their hot chocolate and looked at Victor's nails.

"You look really not okay," Victor abruptly said. He covered his mouth. Yuuri looked at Victor's nose. "I think you should go to the doctor… Like, really should." Victor looked down at his knuckles and how they pressed into Yuuri's skin. "Please go. For me."

"Okay," Yuuri said. Victor released his pressure on Yuuri's hand and stroked the back of it. "So you're going." Yuuri nodded. "Glad we can get this situated. Good talk." Yuuri chuckled and looked at Victor's nose. They ceased their laughter and focused on Victor. When he noticed, he returned the gaze to Yuuri. "Do you want to talk about something?"

"Hm?"

"You're looking at me like you want to say something," Victor said. "What do you want to say?"

"Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Victor nodded. Victor bit his lip.

"Why don't you step into the bathroom with me?" Yuuri chuckled. "What?"

"No," Yuuri said.

"Why not?"

"This is a café."

"And?"

"Public enough," Yuuri said.

"I was just going to kiss you. Your head is in the gutter." Yuuri blushed and started to laugh. "Maybe later if you want to, that is." Yuuri eagerly nodded despite supposing to be wholly dedicated to end things. Victor smiled. Yuuri looked down at his egg dish; he was almost done. "Do you want to?"

"I nodded," Yuuri said.

"I want to hear you say it."

"Yes," Yuuri sighed. Victor kissed Yuuri's knuckles and smiled.

"I can't wait to be with you during the day again," Victor admitted. "There's a mystique about the night that can be appreciated, but I don't think we've reached the point in our relationship where we need to roleplay that we're seeing other people yet. This has been nothing but stress since we've got here with avoiding Khoudia's parents and our coaches and…"

"Everything," Yuuri said with a dry chuckle.

"Right!" Victor smiled. "I just want to be able to leave my home and walk to see you and mean it to people who aren't Chris." Victor put his foot between Yuuri's and started to run the instep up and down their pants leg. "Soon, though."

"Soon," Yuuri regrettably said.

"What are you doing when you get home?" Victor asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"Can't I ask what my boyfriend is doing when he gets home?"

"You can."

"So why question why I can?"

"I don't know," Yuuri said. There was a silence.

"So what are you doing?"

"Sleeping," Yuuri said. Victor nodded. "Nothing too remarkable."

"Let me sleep with you," Victor said. Yuuri looked at him in confusion.

"You… already do? You have been the entire time?"

"Yuuri, it's a play on words," Victor said with a sigh. "I'm very aware that I regularly sleep with you. Your roommate literally got offended because I sleep with you. I'm very aware of our situation."

"I wouldn't say he was 'offended,'" Yuuri said. "Just…"

"Offended."

"Yeah, offended, he was pretty offended." Victor chuckled.

"Did you always have that problem with him?"

"Most of the action happened before we met so he would have never expected…" Yuuri shrugged. "There was a guy, but we never really got intimate, so he knows nothing. He doesn't want to know anything, and he works very hard to keep it that way." Victor nodded. "So congrats, I suppose." Victor chuckled. "He really does like you, though."

"He likes me because I'm him."

"No, I hadn't told him it was you until after I had been mentioning you for a while, so I think he likes you for you," Yuuri said. "So, congrats."

"You ever tell your ex-boyfriends about your ex-girlfriends?"

"Did you not want to know?"

"I wanted to, but you seem too used to doing this," Victor said. "Just makes me wonder if I'm going to be the ex you talk about with your next girlfriend over tea."

"Who said it was going to be a woman?"

"Your next boyfriend, then," Victor said.

"Who said there would be a next?" Victor looked at Yuuri.

"Be serious."

"I am. Who said there'd be a next?" Victor shook his head. A silence fell upon them. Yuuri got up and pushed themselves away from the table. Victor grabbed their wrist and pinched Yuuri's peripheral nerve.

"Stay," Victor said. Yuuri looked down at Victor's hand disabling their wrist. "Not so comfortable, is it?"

"Not particularly," Yuuri said. "Does it bother you?"

"Very much so."

"Then I'll never do it again," Yuuri said. They grabbed Victor's wrist and kissed the inside. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"I thought you did it because you hated me caressing you," Victor said. "That you thought so little of me that you didn't want me to give you something in return." Victor cupped Yuuri's chin and tugged at their bottom lip. "I want to think that you accepted what I have to offer, but it's so hard trying to read you at times." Victor let go of Yuuri's face and grabbed their chocolatine. "Let's go. I'll walk you back to your room. You could use the rest."

"I could really use it with you."

"Yuuri."

"I'm talking about sleep," Yuuri said. Victor chuckled. "I think I'd like it if you came back to my room with me."

"You think?"

"I mean, I'd like it if you did, but no pressure or whatever," Yuuri said. "No pressure." Victor chuckled and grabbed Yuuri's hand. "I don't understand what your silence means."

"Oh, I mean to be saying 'yes,'" Victor said. "An emphatic, wholehearted yes." Victor kissed Yuuri's cheek. "Now let's get you back to the hotel before it rains."

"It's supposed to rain today?"

"Yes," Victor said, "didn't you check the weather?" Yuuri shook their head. "Do you at least have an umbrella?" Yuuri nodded. "So you have an umbrella, but don't know if it's going to rain?"

"It is important to always carry an umbrella," Yuuri said. Victor looked at Yuuri. Yuuri took out their umbrella and put it in Victor's hand. "So the man with knowledge of the weather doesn't have his own umbrella? Tsk, tsk."

"You don't even know if the umbrella is going to be useful for you today."

"You just said it's going to rain. Of course I'm going to have use for it today." Yuuri put their umbrella back in their bag. "I'd rather actually not need to find out. Totally depends on if my boyfriend decides to stop grandstanding." Victor looked at Yuuri. "I'm ready when you are."

"Fine, but –"

"No."

"But –"

"The answer is still no," Yuuri said. Victor rolled his eyes and Yuuri pinched his chin. "Stop being bratty."

"I'm not being bratty; you're just being an asshole," Victor said. He rolled his eyes harder. "What's your sign?"

"Hm?"

"What's your Zodiac sign?"

"Monkey."

"Western."

"Sagittarius."

"Which would be…?"

"You'd save yourself more time if you just asked for my birthday," Yuuri said.

"Fine, when is your birthday?"

"November 29," Yuuri said. "Go wild. Tell me. I can take it."

"Take what?" Victor asked.

"Isn't this the part where I get dragged for being a Sagittarius male?"

"I wasn't going to drag you," Victor said. He took another bite of chocolatine and chewed. "But you being a Sagittarius probably explains a lot." Victor took out his phone and started to check something. "Oh. Oh yeah. This explains… nothing I didn't already guess at, but at least I know it's not just me." Yuuri chuckled. "Do you usually get dragged for being a Sagittarius male?" Yuuri nodded. "I wonder why." Yuuri cast Victor a glance.

"Was that one of those–"

"That was one of those, yes," Victor said.

"Join the club," Yuuri said. Victor looked at Yuuri.

"Who's in the club?"

"2/3s of my ex-girlfriends," Yuuri said. "I'm sure they would love to meet you." Yuuri chuckled to themselves. "Yeah, they'd love to meet you."

"Do they know about me?"

"To a varying degree," Yuuri said.

"Why aren't your ex-boyfriends in the club?"

"They don't know about its existence or they distanced themselves from me so deeply that they would never consider joining essentially a John Tucker Must Die club."

"So there's an ex-boyfriend who's in your life… that doesn't know about the club, but only your ex-girlfriends do."

"Not exactly," Yuuri said, "and only two of my three ex-girlfriends are in the club. The one who didn't join just kind of dissipated into the ether after our relationship and it just made me really upset. But that's neither here nor there."

"So… who's the ex-boyfriend who doesn't know but is eligible?"

"The world isn't ready for all of that tea to be spilled," Yuuri said.

"Ready?"

"Come back to me in a few years or when we break up," Yuuri said. "Whichever comes first."

"So it would be sooner if I broke up with you?" Victor asked. Yuuri's heartbeat quickened. "I'm not going to! But I could – if I wanted to really find out – break up with you and you'd tell me?"

"No," Yuuri said. "I don't really want him to know about its existence all that much either." Victor made an inquisitive sound. "But you're not allowed to break up with me."

"You're not allowed to break up with me," Victor said.

"No, no, you? Not allowed to break up with me," Yuuri said. "This is just a fact."

"Well since I don't want to leave you and you don't want to leave me, why don't we just get married?" Victor posed. Yuuri blushed. "I was kidding." Victor looked away. "We're almost back at the hotel. I'll probably have to leave you soon."

"You don't have to," Yuuri said. "You said you were going to, but you don't have to. You could… You could, ah, hang out with Yuri? Chris? Explore Marseilles?"

"Not without you," Victor said.

"Then I'm afraid you're not going to be exploring Marseilles any time soon."

"It's fine. I wasn't particularly interested in exploring anyway." Victor looked at Yuuri. They averted his gaze. Victor finished off the chocolatine. "Do you want to watch something on Netflix when we get back to the hotel?"

"What if I just want to be in the silence with you?"

"Then you can have that." Victor moved closer to Yuuri. "It's so cold."

"It is."

"Can't wait to be in a nice, warm bed with my nice, warm man," Victor said. Yuuri looked at Victor. He moved closer and wrapped his arm around Yuuri.

"Are you trying to get in my pocket?"

"More like… no," Victor said. He kissed Yuuri's hair. He fixed his hand in Yuuri's pocket. He took out a wad of tissues. "Why?"

"You never know," Yuuri said.

"These aren't condoms – those you can 'you never know,'" Victor said. "Do you anticipate your nose running?"

"No, but you never know," Yuuri said. Victor sighed and put the tissue back in Yuuri's pocket. "You know."

"I mean, yeah I guess," Victor said. "Your pockets are an adventure."

"And your body is a wonderland." Yuuri looked at the blush creep along Victor's face. They playfully winked at Victor and nudged his forearm with their head. "So we're going to sleep?"

"Yes. You could use the sleep."

"Are you sure you don't want to do anything else?" Victor nodded.

"Nothing else I'd rather do," Victor said. "Being in a warm bed with you is all I could ask for out of a day." Victor nudged Yuuri's head with his. They stopped in front of the hotel. "So your room." Yuuri nodded.

"You don't have to come up with me," Yuuri offered. "You can come after me."

"No, I want to come in with you," Victor said. He pulled Yuuri closer to him as they neared the door of the hotel. He made eye contact with the receptionist at the counter as they walked by. Yuuri pushed the button for the elevator.

"People are staring," Yuuri whispered.

"Not true. It's just one person." Yuuri looked at Victor. "That didn't help?"

"Not in the slightest," Yuuri said. The elevator came and they got on and – fortunately – it was just them getting on.

"5, right?" Yuuri nodded. Victor kissed Yuuri's hair as the elevator closed.

"We're still not in the clear yet." Victor sighed. The elevator quickly brought Victor and Yuuri to their destination: 5F. Yuuri opened their door and Victor immediately went towards the bed. "At least take off your coat."

"Take it off of me." Yuuri looked at Victor. They took off their shoes and went over to Victor to take off his coat. Yuuri flipped him over and unbuttoned it. "Kiss me."

"We're going to sleep."

"So? I still want you to kiss me." Yuuri sucked their teeth and capitulated to Victor's request. "Your face is so cold." Victor let his finger trail down Yuuri's jawline. "We'll be under the covers soon so I suppose it's not too bad." Yuuri forced themselves up and went back to sit Victor up. They decided it would be easier to just get Victor up and make the travay that way. Yuuri pulled Victor up and brought him to the table and chairs. They unbuttoned his coat and took off his coat. "What are you doing?"

"Taking off your coat?"

"You exceeded all expectations for this situation," Victor said with a laugh. "Continue."

"I'm trying to make this easy," Yuuri said. They lifted up Victor's shirt and signaled for him to raise his arms. Victor did as Yuuri requested and Yuuri took his shirt off of him. They folded it and placed it on the table. Then they started to push Victor towards the bed. He flopped on the bed and laughed. Yuuri got on their knees and started to untie Victor's shoes. They pulled them off of him and got back up. Victor started to kick his legs. "I'm getting there." Yuuri unbuckled and unzipped Victor's pants. They got on their knees and pulled Victor's pants down from the legs. Yuuri tossed Victor's pants on the floor. "And now you're ready for bed."

"You're not," Victor grumbled. "Lay down." Yuuri complied and let Victor undress them. "Okay, get up. Let's get under the covers. Yuuri nodded and crawled under the covers. They lifted an end for Victor, and he joined them. Victor cuddled up to Yuuri and kissed their shoulder. "This is nice." Yuuri nodded and wistfully smiled. They reached for their phone and went to YouTube. "What are you doing?"

"Let's watch something together," Yuuri suggested. Victor nodded and kissed Yuuri's forehead. "Hulu or YouTube?"

"Hulu," Victor said.

"Do you want to pick the show?"

"No, inundate me with your television and film preferences," Victor coaxed. "Wait! I have a suggestion!"

"Yes?"

"Let's watch Cowboy Bebop," Victor said. Yuuri nodded and searched for Cowboy Bebop on Hulu.

"Dubbed or subbed?"

"The one we watched last time." Yuuri nodded. They propped their phone up on their knee and hit play. Victor kissed Yuuri and smiled. The theme song to Cowboy Bebop started and they were enthralled in the adventures of Spike and Jet on the Bebop.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 5:15pm, Marseille, France)

"¡Coñaso!" Yuuri cussed as they reached for their phone. Victor wearily opened his eyes at the yelling and cussing. "What?!"

"Don't yell at me! You're supposed to be getting ready!" Celestino yelled. Victor rubbed his eyes and sat up. Yuuri hushed him with their index finger. "Khoudia is literally here and you're still at the hotel."

"I'll get up," Yuuri grumbled. Victor reached for the nightstand and checked his phone. He blinked and made a face. Yuuri hung up and laid back down.

"My coach is yelling at me, too," Victor said.

"I wish they'd just stop it," Yuuri grumbled. "Can I have five more minutes?" Victor shook his head and sighed.

"I wish we could have five more minutes, but we have to go," Victor said. He traced his finger across Yuuri's sternum. "Tonight, though. We can have all the five more minutes we want." Victor kissed Yuuri and smiled. "Okay?"

"Okay," Yuuri insolently said with an eye roll. Victor's phone started to buzz; he ignored it. "Aren't you going to get that?"

"So I can get yelled at for being late some more?"

"This relationship has made you messy," Yuuri said. They forced themselves to roll over and out of bed. Victor sighed and picked up.

"Yes?" He closed his eyes. "I decided to sleep in. Watch yourself. I'm headed to the rink right now." Victor ended the call.

"That was brusque," Yuuri said.

"I don't want to give you the impression that I'm 'being messy,'" Victor said.

"All I'm saying is that it's kind of suspect that we're both late," Yuuri said. They put on their socks and quickly rushed over to their suitcase. "Khoudia and Chris are never going to let us live this down, you know."

"Chris wouldn't," Victor said in an attempt at protection of his friend.

"Ah, but Khoudia would." Victor and Yuuri looked at each other. "And as much as I love and adore her and believe me that I do, she is a walking disaster and our relationship is so dynamic that I don't know when she's going to bring this exact moment up and embarrass me for the rest of my life so… We're getting too damn complacent and we have to tighten up." Victor made a face. Yuuri threw on a throwback shirt. They evidently did not give a damn. "Ah, don't make that face. I want to kiss you."

"If you have to worry about your friend –"

"She means well and it's always in jest, but that's how it starts. It always leads to a future, sober conversation and how things need to be fixed." Yuuri unballed their layers. "Khoudia and I function similarly. It'll take too long to explain, but the best way to keep her mouth shut is to not give her anything to provoke her to open it."

"So we have to hide to keep your friend's mouth shut?"

"Not what I'm saying at all. She encourages us to see and engage with each other when we're at events. Just move in silence like lasagna and we won't have a problem." Victor sat on the bed and looked at Yuuri.

"Yuuri, what the fuck does that even mean?"

"It'll take too long to explain," Yuuri said. "Just remember: lasagna."

"Lasagna."

"Now you're getting it!" Yuuri said. They reached into their suitcase for deodorant and put it on. They gave it to Victor. "I feel like Chris is going to have to say something about that."

"Your deodorant?" Yuuri nodded. "Probably." Yuuri chuckled. Victor tossed it back to Yuuri and they put it back in their suitcase. Yuuri looked at a pair of fishnet harem pants. "Give me that." Yuuri looked at him. "The thing in your hands." Yuuri gave it to Victor. Victor splayed it out for him to examine. "What the fuck."

"Those are my fishnet pants."

"You know these are summer clothes, right?" Yuuri looked at them. "Oh God, is this why Phichit picks out your clothes?" Yuuri signed "more or less." "Don't let him stop please." Yuuri deadpanned. Victor tossed them into the suitcase and sat next to Yuuri on the floor. He picked up a black pair of track pants. "You have track pants. Wear these." Yuuri unfolded them and started to put them on.

"You should get going," Yuuri murmured.

"I should, but I don't want to."

"Don't delay. We have to appease our coaches." Victor sighed. He waited until Yuuri was dressed to walk towards the door. He gave Yuuri a kiss goodbye and Yuuri sighed. They put their shoes on, grabbed their equipment and coat, and rushed to the stadium to be bad at everything.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 7:42pm, Marseille, France)

Tonight's skate was a disaster if Yuuri's ever experienced one. They should've known that something was up when they started hearing the voices again, but Yuuri decided to push on. They didn't notify Khoudia, Coach Cialdini, or Phichit about this because they thought that it'd go away as quickly as it came. They were wrong, of course. Yuuri was always under the presumption that the voices would go as soon as they had arrived, and they were wrong every single time.

So Yuuri was out in the halls, looking at their phone and reading articles about their disastrous performances. Khoudia was nowhere to be seen, and that made Yuuri feel uncomfortable and extremely vulnerable.

"Yuuri, stop reading the articles," Coach Cialdini said. Yuuri glanced over the headline again. "Katsuki Fell to Last Place. Is This Season His Last?" Yuuri took deep breaths and tried to focus on something that wasn't the screen. "You did fine tonight. There's always next year."

"Not when there's already rumors of retirement brewing amongst the press," Yuuri said. They looked at their shoes. "I'm going to the bathroom." Yuuri shoved their phone in their pocket and got up. They had the Bambi legs going on despite the lack of physical release. So Yuuri weakly walked in search of a bathroom.

When Yuuri found one of the bathrooms in the complex, they picked the least threatening stall. They stepped inside, closed it, and sat down. They tried to steady their erratic breathing. Then their phone rang. Yuuri looked down at their screen. It was their mom. They couldn't not pick up. "Hello?"

"Yuuri!" Hiroko said. "How are you? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine, Mama," Yuuri mumbled.

"Oh, I'd hope so!" Yuuri could feel her smile through the phone. Yuuri weakly smiled. "You know, we had a viewing party for you."

"Oh no," Yuuri said. "I'm so embarrassed!" And Yuuri was. Their failings were exposed to the people back home. That's one of the things Yuuri didn't want to happen. Tears started to roll down their face, and they struggled to breathe again.

"You did very nice tonight," Yuuri's mother said.

"No, I didn't," Yuuri said. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not, my love. I genuinely don't see anything wrong with your skating." Yuuri sighed. "But, if you say something is wrong, I will believe you." Yuuri wiped their eyes, not caring about their makeup anymore. "Your father is very proud of you, too," Yuuri's mother said. Yuuri weakly smiled. "Yuko and Takeshi looked kind of worried for you. And I am, too. You looked sick during your interviews. Are you not taking care of yourself?"

"I am, Mama. I just don't know what's going on."

"Well, go to your doctor in America. And maybe come home for a bit. I'll make you katsudon." Yuuri weakly smiled. Yuuri heard the bathroom door open and shut.

"Mama, I should go. I think someone's in my sta– I mean, dressing room."

"Okay, I won't keep you very long. I'm sure you have more things to do."

"Okay, Mama. I love you, Mama." There was a silence between them.

"Vicchan would have been very proud of you – to see that you've gotten so far." Yuuri took a deep breath. Vicchan was an open, festering wound for them. They've never actually sat down and took the time to evaluate their feelings and let themselves heal. "I think I woke your father up. I should get going now. But we love you, too. Unconditionally and endlessly. Have a lovely night, my baby." Yuuri's mother ended the call. They put their head in their hands and let the tears fall freely. Yuuri wiped their eyes repeatedly until someone started to kick at their stall door frantically. Yuuri sniffled and opened the door. Victor's small, waifish blonde was standing in front of them.

"Yes?" Yuuri murmured.

"You," Yuri said. "I am going to be in the senior division next year, and the skating world has no need for trash like you. So retire. Stupid!" Yuuri nodded, and the tears sprung from their eyes. They started to wipe their eyes and sniffle. Yuri rolled their eyes and left the bathroom. Yuuri turned tail and went back in their stall. They resumed crying and heaving. After what felt like forever in crying years, Yuuri heard the door open and shut again.

"Yuuri? Are you here?" It's Khoudia. Khoudia crouched down and looked under the stalls for feet. "Yuuri! Open the door." Yuuri sniffled again and opened the door for Khoudia when she stood up straight. "Oh, baby," she said, reaching up to touch Yuuri's face. Khoudia stood on her tiptoes and kissed Yuuri's nose. "Are you okay?" Yuuri shook their head. They sat back on the toilet. Khoudia closed the stall door and sat on Yuuri's lap. She cradled their head and brought their face to her chest. "It's okay. It's okay. There's always next year." Yuuri started to cry harder. "Oh no, did that upset you?" Yuuri nodded. "Then I won't talk about next year." Khoudia made cooing sounds. "It's going to be okay. It's okay. You're okay. Cry if you need to. I'm here." So Yuuri cried and cried until they were heaving harder. This heaving came to a culmination when Yuuri forced Khoudia off of their lap and started vomiting. Khoudia stroked Yuuri's back as they vomited into the porcelain toilet bowl. When they were done vomiting, they continued to dry heave. "Rinse your mouth out," Khoudia said. Yuuri nodded and got up. They exited the stall, weak and unsteady, and went to the sink. Their hands were too weak to turn on the faucet. Khoudia turned on the water for them and helped Yuuri rinse their mouth. Khoudia rinsed Yuuri's face and dried it with the paper towels. "Do you think you'll be okay enough to watch the skaters with us?" Yuuri shrugged. Khoudia stood on her toes and kissed Yuuri's nose again. She grabbed their hand and gently escorted Yuuri out of the bathroom. Two people looked at them as they came out and Khoudia probably would've cared more if the circumstances were different, but Khoudia's primary goal was to get Yuuri to where her parents were.

Khoudia's parents were anxiously waiting for Jean-Jacques' results. They don't like or know about skating, but they were just as into it as much as a skating otaku would be. "Oh, you two are back," Mama Awa said. Khoudia nodded. Yuuri kept their eyes on the ground. "You did very nicely," Mama Awa said to Yuuri. Yuuri weakly smiled and returned their gaze to their shoes.

Everyone at the rink heard feedback. "We apologize for that," the announcer said. "We would now like to announce the scores for Jean-Jacques Leroy." There was an anticipatory silence in the air. "Jean-Jacques Leroy scored 288.59 points." The crowd erupted into cheers. Yuuri winced as they were hit with a sudden wave of nausea. Mama Awa looked over at them. Yuuri closed their eyes.

"Khoudia, what are you doing?" She whispered.

"Yuuri isn't feeling well."

"Then take him back to the hotel." Khoudia patted Yuuri's back again. "Do you want to go back to the hotel, Yuuri?" Mama Awa asked.

"I'll go after Victor Nikiforov skates," Yuuri murmured.

"Huh?" Mama Awa said. "Speak louder, hummingbird. I can barely hear you."

"They said they'll go after Victor skates," Khoudia told her mother.

"Are you sure? You do not look too well." Mama Awa leaned over to touch Yuuri's face. "And you are so pale and clammy, too. Kiki, how did you let your friend get so bad?" Khoudia rolled her eyes. Mama Awa wiped Yuuri's face with her small, soft hands. "You should get back to the hotel. If you are still feeling bad, we will take you to the doctor when we get home."

"That's unnecessary, Mama Awa. I'll be fine," Yuuri weakly said.

"Are you sure?" Yuuri nodded. "Alright, then. If you are still feeling bad, let me or Kiki know." Yuuri nodded again. Mama Awa told Khoudia something in Arabic, and Khoudia nodded.

"We would now like to announce four consecutive Grand Prix winner, Victor Nikiforov!" The announcer said. The crowd erupted in cheers, and Yuuri covered their ears. Khoudia let go of Yuuri's hand and wrapped her arms around them. The cheering of the crowd died down when Victor gracefully skated to the center of the ice. "Victor Nikiforov will be skating 'Stammi Vicino, Non Te Ne Andare' for his free skate. The music is an original operatic piece – an aria." The music started playing.

"Your baby is skating," Khoudia whispered in Yuuri's ear. "Open your eyes." Yuuri took a deep breath and opened their eyes. Victor made a swooning gesture, and Yuuri felt tears well up in their eyes. What wasn't making them cry about Victor's skate? Everything about it was perfect: his music choice, his skating, his emoting, his body. Victor was absolutely fucking it up in the classiest of ways. The strings and woodwinds in the song were compelling, and Yuuri felt the tears run down their face. They started rocking. Mama Awa looked over at them and nudged Khoudia.

"What is he doing? Why is he rocking? Is he crying?" Mama Awa asked loud enough for Yuuri and Khoudia to hear.

"They're just really overwhelmed, Mama," Khoudia explained. She stroked their back.

"Are you sure that you should be touching him like that? He has a girlfriend, Kiki."

"So?" Khoudia said. "She isn't here to calm them down, and I am right here. I'm going to console our hummingbird." Khoudia squeezed Yuuri as tight as she could. "They need me, Mama. They need me, and their girlfriend isn't here." Mama Awa shrugged and resumed paying attention to Victor's performance. Yuuri kept their mocca eyes peeled and focused on Victor.

When Victor's performance was over, and he stepped off of the ice, the crowd erupted into thunderous applause. Victor hugged his coach and followed him to the kiss and cry. It was no secret that Victor was going to win tonight.

And win Victor did. He accumulated 335.76 points.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 8:37pm, Marseille, France)

After Victor's skate, Yuuri excused themselves from Mouhamadou, Mama Awa, and Khoudia to cry and vomit in a nearby bathroom. Yuuri didn't know how anything was even coming up anymore; they hadn't eaten much this morning and they didn't eat anything before their skate. But they were vomiting.

After Yuuri finished, they went to find Khoudia. Coach Cialdini had asked Khoudia to stay back with them instead of going to the hotel with her parents. So Coach Cialdini and Khoudia were waiting in the lobby for Yuuri to return from the bathroom. They wanted to be sure that they didn't have to vomit anymore before they reached the hotel. Yuuri had dropped off their coat and bags with Khoudia and Khoudia was sitting on her suitcase.

"Oh, there you are!" Khoudia said. "We've been waiting for you."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to vomit again," Yuuri said. They timidly put on their coat again. Khoudia stretched up to peek over Yuuri's shoulder. "What?" Yuuri looked behind themselves.

"Katsuki Yuuri!" It was Hisashi Morooka, one of Yuuri's more fervent supporters outside of the actual skater figure skating realm. "Don't give up!" Yuuri deadpanned. "It's too early for you to retire!"

"I hadn't made any decisions regarding that yet. Please do not make assumptions." Khoudia took out her phone to text Phichit.

"What will you do after you graduate from college?" Hisashi asked. Yuuri shrugged. "Will you still train in Detroit?"

"I'll be talking that over with Coach Cialdini," Yuuri murmured.

"Katsuki-kun, I'm asking you how you feel about this!" Yuuri shrugged. They were starting to feel sick again, and they couldn't just dash off to the nearest bathroom. "Will you keep going? Maybe just part-time, at least? You'll still have a chance back in Japan." Yuuri shrugged again. Khoudia peeked over Yuuri's shoulder again. Victor, Yuri, and Yakov Feltsman were coming through with their equipment.

"Yuri, about your free performance," Victor said. "Your step sequence could use some more work."

"I won, so who cares?" Victor's blonde said in response. They were approaching their coach. Yuuri's eyes followed Victor as he walked past them.

"Yuri, you need to stop Snapchatting other skaters while you're on the ice. You need to see where you're going," Yakov chastised. Yuuri kept their eyes on Victor. Victor peeked behind himself. He looked startled, but he smiled anyway.

"A commemorative photo?" Victor chirped. "Sure!" Yuuri looked at Victor, finger gunned him, grabbed their suitcase, and started to walk away.

"Yuuri! Yuuri!" Hisashi said. "You don't want a photo with Victor?"

"No, go away," Yuuri said. Then they turned around and patted Hisashi's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. But still, go away." Yuuri scuttled away from Hisashi, Coach Cialdini, Victor, and Khoudia.

"I am oh so sorry about that," Khoudia said quickly, her voice cracking. She leaped off of her suitcase, grabbed it and immediately followed behind Yuuri. "Wait for me!" She yelled.

"Stop yelling!" Yuuri yelled back as they opened the door to exit. Once Yuuri reached the corner, they stopped walking and waited for Khoudia to catch up.

"What the fuck was any of today?" Khoudia asked once she caught up to Yuuri. "You were late to the stadium, you–" Yuuri shushed Khoudia. "Don'–" Yuuri shushed Khoudia louder. "You were la–" Yuuri screeched. "Bitch shut the fuck up before you're forced to say goodbye to your kneecaps! You were late! You know how to tell time! What the fuck did that man have you doing that made you so late?!"

"We were taking a really long nap," Yuuri said. "Neither of us had a phone set so we woke up really late."

"You're lucky no one else noticed that both of you were late."

"Oh God," Yuuri said.

"What? I just started talking."

"No, I had told Victor that I don't know when, but that you would bring it up eventually. I just didn't expect eventually being literally right now," Yuuri said. "I'm pretty good at this." Yuuri mentally patted themselves on the back. "I told him that we just have to be more careful about how we operate. At events and at home." Yuuri sighed. "I get that he's in love and he's over the moon about us being together for gods know what reason, but we're getting too careless."

"Oh good, even you've noticed it," Khoudia said. "Okay, so you've recognized that you two need to tighten up. Next step? Actually doing it."

"He isn't going to like any of the suggestions I might have on how we can still be together but… Actually, he's really not going to like them, and I don't think I like any of them either, truth be told." Khoudia frowned. "I've gotten too comfortable being able to let my hair down."

"Not saying that you have to forsake your comfort. You just need to move differently." Yuuri nodded. "Anyone with a little bit of notoriety has to move differently in their relationships – especially when you're with someone with a bit of notoriety, too. If you're not going to entirely reject having romantic relationships, you just have to. Even more when you're one of us. I'm sorry, hummin'bird." Yuuri shrugged. "You and Victor can do this, though."

"Thank you for believing in us."

"Trust me, I have too much invested in this relationship to see it fizzle out," Khoudia said. Yuuri sighed. "And speaking of Victor, why did you do that to him?"

"I need a cigarette."

"Answer the question. Did something happen?"

"We have the light," Yuuri murmured. They continued walking, and Khoudia followed behind them.

"Come on," Khoudia whined. "What's good with you? How do you feel?"

"My brain froze," Yuuri said. "I didn't know what to do so I just did that."

"You couldn't even wink at him or something?" Yuuri shook their head. "Pitiful, just pitiful."

"He's going to have questions tonight," Yuuri said. "I don't know what answer I could give him that's more explanatory than 'my brain froze.'"

"He's not one of us, is he?" Yuuri shook their head. "He won't get it then. You'll just have to start breaking shit to give him a taste of hell."

"It's the only way," Yuuri said with a goofy grin. "He wants me to go to the doctor when we get home."

"Oh good," Khoudia said. "You need to." Yuuri rolled their eyes and sighed. "And, while we're tangentially on the topic, you actually didn't do that bad! You just placed sixth amongst the crème de la crème of the skating world! That's pretty fucking great!" Yuuri shrugged and started to feel their stomach be a bastard. The feeling radiated up their esophagus and they felt their mouth become a disgusting, bile-tinted hurricane. "There's always next year at least."

"Yeah…" Yuuri said. They stopped and let go of their equipment.

"You good?"

"No," Yuuri said. Their esophagus started to spasm and they doubled over. Khoudia ran over and held Yuuri's short hair back. They took a deep breath to try and feel normal, but the normalcy was soon followed by the feeling of bitter bile coming up their throat. Khoudia rubbed Yuuri's back as they vomited in between someone's cars. Yuuri was heaving until nothing came up and then some.

"I'm glad Victor is asking you to go to the doctor," Khoudia said. She went into her bag and gave Yuuri her water. "Rinse your mouth out. I'll waterfall for you." Yuuri nodded and waited for their body to stop contracting. Khoudia rubbed their back and chest. "I wish there was a corner store nearby. You need ginger ale."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not," Khoudia said. Yuuri stood up straight. Khoudia relevéd but failed to reach Yuuri's mouth. "Get down." Yuuri crouched down. Khoudia uncapped her water bottle and waterfalled it into Yuuri's mouth. "Swish." Yuuri did as Khoudia said and stood up. They swished the water around and spit. "When we get to the hotel, rinse your mouth with mouthwash." Yuuri nodded and spit again. "You good?" Yuuri nodded. "You sure?" Yuuri nodded. Khoudia touched Yuuri's arm and motioned for them to continue on. "Any thoughts?"

"I really need a cigarette right now. And a shower. And my weighted blanket."

"You need a lot of things right now, and I don't think a cigarette is one of them; however, those other two things are perfectly fine."

"I don't know if I want to watch anime with Victor now," Yuuri said. They belched and feared a second wave of vomiting. "I just want to go home and sleep."

"Soon, baby," Khoudia said. They reached the hotel. "I'll come up with you for a bit." Yuuri nodded. They rested their head on Khoudia's. She wiped her scrunched up face.

"What?"

"Nothing," Khoudia said. "You just breathed on me and it was weird." Yuuri shrugged and awkwardly smiled. "Do you want to take a shower when you get upstairs?"

"I'd like to, but I don't know what to wear," Yuuri said.

"I'll handle that," Khoudia said. "You just worry about feeling better." Yuuri nodded. The elevator came and Yuuri and Khoudia were the only two to get on despite the hotel being packed. She pushed the button for 5 and leaned on Yuuri. "Do you have your lavender bodywash?" Yuuri nodded. "Use that and put a cool, damp rag on your eyes when you lay down." Yuuri nodded. The elevator stopped on 5 and Yuuri and Khoudia got off. They walked to 5F and Khoudia opened the door with Yuuri's keycard.

Yuuri immediately started to get undressed for their shower. Khoudia was going through Yuuri's bags for clothes and her equipment.

"I'm going to get in now," Yuuri said.

"Not yet!" Khoudia said. "Lay down on the bed and keep your eyes closed." Yuuri looked at Khoudia. She quickly prepped the pen and sat at Yuuri's head. She placed her hand over a fatty spot on Yuuri's stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm seeing something," Khoudia said. She quickly pushed the plunger of the pen into Yuuri's stomach and held it. After a few seconds, she removed it and started to put the fresh pen into Yuuri's carry-on bag.

"Did you give yourself a shot?"

"Yeah," Khoudia said, amazed that Yuuri didn't feel the needle. "Lay down for a little bit." She rubbed Yuuri's shoulders. "Let's see if your fridge has ginger ale." Khoudia quickly put her items away and went to Yuuri's fridge. There was a lemon Perrier and that just had to do. Khoudia came back and gave the Perrier to Yuuri. "Time to be bourgeois." Yuuri chuckled. Khoudia opened the bottle for them and gave it to Yuuri. They took a sip. "Did you have any macarons yet?" Yuuri shook their head. "Do you think you're able to stomach any tonight?" Yuuri shook their head. "Okay." Yuuri wiped their forehead. "Do you want to watch something while you rest a bit?"

"I just want to go take a shower already. I feel disgusting," Yuuri complained. "Can I go shower now?"

"Okay. Holler if you need me," Khoudia said. Yuuri nodded and forced themselves out of bed and rubbed their new itchy area.

#

(Saturday, 12 December 2015 – 9:39pm, Marseille, France)

When Yuuri got out of the shower, they heard muttered voices. They were different from the hallucinations in a sense that they could actually feel these, but they still didn't know if they were real. The mirror in the bathroom was steamy, and Yuuri's skin was red from the water. Yuuri could hardly see the door because the steam, but Yuuri didn't need to be able to see the door to dry off. So Yuuri dried off in the hot, steamy bathroom and put on the clothes Khoudia put out for them. As she promised, she took Yuuri's clothes from tonight and put them away.

When Yuuri dried off and left the bathroom, Khoudia was quickly whispering to Victor about something. "…What?"

"Oh! Yuuri!" Khoudia chirped. She got up and approached them. "How do you feel?"

"Cold, but I did just get out of the shower," Yuuri said. Khoudia touched Yuuri's forehead. "What were you two talking about?"

"Just his fifth win," Khoudia said.

"In whispers?" Khoudia looked at Yuuri. "Do you want to go upstairs now? Or do you want to talk to him some more?"

"I think I'll actually go upstairs now," Khoudia said. She gathered up her things. "Congrats on your fifth consecutive win, Victor." She gave him a hug and a kiss. Yuuri escorted Khoudia to the door. "Goodnight, Yuuri." Khoudia kissed Yuuri's cheek and left. Yuuri looked back at Victor and folded their hands.

"What?"

"Nothing," Yuuri said.

"You look cool," Victor said. He took off his shirt and tossed it towards the table. "Let's get something to eat."

"No," Yuuri said.

"Yuuri, you don't even have to get a big meal. Just get a salad."

"Are you calling me fat?" Victor sighed. He started to pull off his pants and go to bed. Yuuri climbed into bed and rolled on their front. They realized they hadn't taken their medicine yet, but they didn't feel the need to nor did they think that they would be able to keep them down. Yuuri reached for their phone and started to scroll through Twitter.

"I don't think you're fat," Victor said. "I like your body." Victor put his hand on Yuuri's back. "It's soft and comfortable and I love touching it." Yuuri stayed silent. "It's just a salad."

"I don't want a salad. I'm not hungry."

"You should eat something. You didn't eat much today."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"I am."

"But you're not."

"Go to sleep," Yuuri said. They rolled on their side and got comfortable to watch something on their phone. Victor left kisses up and down Yuuri's neck to provoke some sort of response. "Stop." Victor stopped and sighed. He cuddled up to them anyway. Yuuri sat up and reached to turn off the lights.

"Do you want the lights off?" Yuuri nodded. Victor turned off the light on his side and waited for Yuuri to get situated before he got comfortable again. He traced circles on Yuuri's shoulder. "You did nice tonight."

"Says the five-time gold medalist," Yuuri said.

"I think you did good," Victor said.

"Says the five-time gold medalist."

"You weren't going to get gold with me competing, and we both know this," Victor said. Yuuri looked back at him deadpan. "Well… You weren't."

"Just stop," Yuuri said.

"Yeah, I should stop," Victor said. He resumed cuddling. "Can you not be a dead fish when I'm trying to hold you?"

"I'm comfortable like this, though." Victor sighed and adjusted himself.

"What are you doing Saturday?"

"Sleeping," Yuuri said. "Why?"

"I would like to see you," Victor said. "We can go out for drinks or dinner."

"Sure," Yuuri said. Victor kissed Yuuri's shoulder and rubbed their forearm. "What did I tell you?"

"I wasn't trying to be sexual. You feel cold." Yuuri shrugged. "I'm trying to warm you up." Yuuri remained silent. "Would you rather I give you my hoodie?"

"Do whatever," Yuuri said. Victor got out of bed and went to his clothes. He picked up his hoodie and gave it to Yuuri. Yuuri put it on and zipped it up. They returned to watching their VICE video.

"Do you like VICE?"

"I can appreciate their journalism," Yuuri said. "I just really appreciate journalism and journalistic practices." Victor nodded. "My sister could go into journalism and it'd be really cool to have a journalist for a sister, but she doesn't want to. Instead she writes books." Yuuri rolled their eyes.

"Yuuri."

"Yeah?"

"I write books," Victor said.

"Oh, how unfortunate," Yuuri said. Victor deadpanned.

"I would consider myself a very good writer," Victor said.

"Of course you would." Yuuri rolled their eyes. "What aren't you good at?"

"Ballet," Victor quickly said. "Art." Yuuri looked at him.

"I'm more than dance and visual art," Yuuri said. Victor bit his lip.

"I'm sure you are, but I don't know anything about the person you are aside from dancing, skating, and art," Victor said. Yuuri frowned. "Do you play any instruments?"

"Yes," Yuuri said. "But it's just guitar. It's not that amazing."

"I'm sure you're amazing, though." Victor wrapped his arm around Yuuri again. "Have you thought of learning any other instruments?"

"Yes, but I don't know how I'll afford them," Yuuri said.

"We'll find a way," Victor said. "So you're an amazing guitarist and you have a sense for music. What else?" Yuuri internally rolled their eyes at that description of their guitar skills. They never considered themselves bad at guitar – just not good.

"I did jujutsu and judo for a few months," Yuuri said. "I don't really like mentioning or using it, though."

"Try it on me," Victor said.

"I'd really rather n–"

"Yuuri, it's fine," Victor cajoled. "Try it." Yuuri swallowed. Victor kissed their cheek. "Let's try." Victor eagerly got out of bed and stood. Yuuri paused their video and sighed, dragging themselves out of bed to practice their shame on Victor. Yuuri looked at where they were standing and stepped back a bit.

"Okay, lay on the bed," Yuuri said. Victor looked at Yuuri. "It's for the demonstration. Lay on the bed." Victor laid on the bed. "Are you ready?" Victor nodded. Yuuri crawled in between his legs and locked them behind him. Yuuri grabbed the waistband of Victor's boxers and leaned forward, putting Victor's head between their head and shoulders and working their arm behind his head. They started to shift sideways to pinion Victor's ankle in their armpit. They pushed their hip into Victor's floating ribs and sat up. "Feel free to try and get out, by the way." Yuuri looked down at Victor; he didn't move. Yuuri released Victor and looked at him. "Are you okay?" Victor slowly nodded, his face rose red. He reached out and grabbed Yuuri's forearm. Yuuri broke out of his grasp. "I shouldn't have done that." Yuuri moved to get from in between Victor's legs, but he locked them in. "I want to sleep." Victor unlocked his legs to let Yuuri go. Yuuri got up and got back into bed. Victor, resigned, crawled back under the covers, too, and cuddled up to Yuuri. Yuuri ignored the thing poking into their back and resumed watching their video.

"Why do you know judo?" Victor asked after what felt like after one-hundred years of silence.

"My grandfather was super sexist. He insisted that my mom put me in something 'better' than ballet." Victor nodded. "So that."

"What did you do to me?"

"Kesa gatame, also known as, the scarf hold," Yuuri said. "It's a beginner's hold, but it's a fundamental one." They shrugged. Victor reached for the nightstand on his side to grab his phone. "Are you going to go to sleep now?"

"I think so," Victor said. Yuuri paused the video and rolled on their stomach. "You don't have to stop watching your thing." Yuuri stayed silent. Victor got himself situated in bed. Victor sighed and looked at Yuuri. "What?" Yuuri kissed Victor. "Oh."

"Goodnight," Yuuri said.

"Yeah," Victor said, "goodnight." Yuuri rolled on their side and resumed watching their video. "Yuuri?"

"Yeah?"

"I wish I could understand you better," Victor said. He stretched out brought his forearm over his eyes and let his other hand find its way to the back of Yuuri's head. "I wish I could."

---

Ryuugazaki: Okay so the situation here is that my computer is completely dead and I can't afford the repairs or a replacement so that's completely slowed down my ability to work on the second part so after we're done with this section (which ends in like three chapters, y'all) I don't know how speedily I'll be able to post the second section even though a few chapters are already done.

And, for everyone who's commented about needing this fic to tide them over to S2 and/or the movie... I know. A main motivator for me to keep writing is – aside from being autistic as hell and this series accidentally becoming my new special interest – is me needing the movie and S2. Fact: When I review chapters with Haru (as part of the editing process since Body of a Silver Sea was basically me annoying Haru, my beta, for all intents and purposes, into writing along with me), they have to frequently remind me that I can't go too far left because we haven't seen the movie or S2 yet. Because trust me, a lot of the earlier chapters and drafts were way crazier.