Stay with Me

Touch

Severide was sitting in the common room with Capp and Tony, perusing through the daily newspaper as he sipped his first coffee of the day. It was almost 8am and roll call would begin shortly, but for now he was content with his coffee.

"Where's Casey?" Herrmann asked the room loudly as they all started to head out to the briefing room.

"Hospital, he'll be here by lunchtime, he couldn't get his appointment changed," Severide answered as he folded up his newspaper.

"He's ok?" Cruz questioned.

"Routine appointment," he responded simply, standing up now.

"But he's all right?" Herrmann spoke up again, pausing in the corridor.

"Lieutenant Casey's absolutely fine," Boden's voice carried through the corridor from where he was standing outside the briefing room.

They all turned to look at their chief before filing into the room and taking their seats. After they finished. Shay caught Severide as they headed out, smiling at him.

"Friday night, you, me, Matt, out to that new bar in Boystown," she announced.

"Matt's working tomorrow," he replied.

"Not at night," Shay said.

"I doubt he'll wanna go out when he gets back."

"He's keeping himself busy," she commented. Her smile had faded away now.

"Yeah, barely spends any time at home, gets up at the crack of dawn to take Margot out for a run, then heads to work, I see him more on shift…"

"Oh… sorry," she responded sympathetically.

"Yeah… I don't think something's wrong, but it's just… I dunno, like he's afraid to stop, dunno if that makes sense…"

"How about I ask him about tomorrow?" she suggested.

"You can… you'd think he'd want to do fun stuff, make the most of, well, not being sick," Severide responded, downhearted.

"He likes work," she stated.

"He does…" he agreed. "Don't say anything but, sometimes I wake up at night and he's holding my arm so tight, like he thinks I'll disappear if he lets go, I just pretend I'm asleep, I don't want to embarrass him, it's something I don't think he'd want me to know, he'd think I'd see him as weak," he said sadly.

"Matt has issues, he's always gonna have them, but he trusts you, he loves you," Shay responded simply.

"And I love him, I just… I hope I'm enough for him… I'm nothing special."

"You're special to him, and I think if he is really struggling, he'll talk to you, he's holding you at night when he needs that comfort, he likes touch," she said thoughtfully.

"He loves touch," Severide corrected. "I don't know why but it always seems to help him, calm him down, lets him focus, relax. He's still recovering," he added.

"He is, he was really sick, he might be back at work now but things are different, you're different, your relationship is different, your home lives are different. There's been a lot of change," Shay explained insightfully. "He wanted things to go back to normal, he's probably realising that won't happen. Too much has changed, too much has happened."

"I hope he knows most of it is good change. Me and him; we're good, really good… he knows that. If he didn't, he would never have asked me to move in with him, he wouldn't have cleared out space for my things, and he wouldn't… he wouldn't seek comfort from me if he didn't think we were a good thing, that I'm a good thing…"

"You're good for him, you're good for each other. But if I have to keep reminding you of that, I'm gonna get very tired, very quickly, I'm not your couples counsellor," she added, chuckling.

Severide let out a short laugh. "Sorry, I just want us to work."

"Exactly, so you're gonna be just fine," she responded. "Matt just needs some time to adjust, he's back at work, which is good but he still needs time."

When Casey finished at the hospital and got to the firehouse, he checked in with Boden, then headed straight for his quarters. Severide could see him through the glass with his elbows on his desk, head resting in his hands. He got Margot off his own bunk and took her over to Casey's quarters, knocking on the door before opening it to allow her in. Casey turned to her and smiled, greeting her with enthusiasm before looking up at Severide.

"Hey," Severide began.

"Did I miss anything this morning?" he asked, getting down from his chair to give Margot a belly rub as she lay flat on her back.

"Ambo had a couple of runs," Severide informed him.

Casey just nodded in response so Severide got down on the floor to join him and Margot.

"How was this morning?" Severide questioned him, letting his hand touch Casey's as he stroked Margot.

"Was fine," he answered.

"Yeah, all good?"

Casey nodded. "I'm booked in for a biopsy next time," he informed Severide. "Wrote me a 'script for Valium."

"Just for the biopsy?"

Casey nodded again.

"You look tired, why don't you get some rest," Severide suggested, knowing Casey hadn't slept much overnight because of his worries over the check-up.

"Not here during the day, I already get enough worried glances," he scoffed.

"You do?" Severide asked him, as if he hadn't noticed.

"Yeah, from everyone when they don't think I can see them," Casey said tightly.

"They just care," he responded, offering him a smile.

"Yeah…"

"Hey, you're back at work, you don't have to go to the hospital for another month, and summer is almost here, the weather's already nice," Severide spoke enthusiastically, wanting to bring back a smile to Casey's face. "Shay wants to go out tomorrow night, new bar, she was gonna ask you if you wanted to go."

"I guess we could," he said with a small shrug.

"You could sound a little more enthusiastic," Severide responded, he was still smiling though.

"Sorry… I suppose it might be good," he agreed, smiling back.

"Might be? It'll be great, we've not been out for so long," Severide said.

Casey looked at him slowly. "Sorry."

He shook his head; there was no blame. "Say yes when Shay mentions it, it'll be fun."

"Yeah, all right," he agreed, smiling again, thoughts of his next check-up and biopsy fading.

Casey swayed with the music, he was comfortable, at ease, mostly because of the alcohol flowing through his veins. He wasn't drunk, not yet anyway, he was pleasantly relaxed. He was smiling and laughing with Severide, holding his arm as they stood by the band, Shay was nearby, dancing with someone she'd met there.

Severide was saying something, but Casey could barely hear a word above the music so he just smiled before Severide steered him over to the bar area. Suddenly some food was shoved into his hand. He shook his head at Severide, he wasn't hungry, he didn't want bar food.

"Eat it," Severide mouthed. "Or you're gonna get very drunk, very quickly," he warned.

Casey chuckled and took the bottle Severide was holding, he took a long gulp of the beer, shook his head again and handed the bowl of fries back to Severide.

They both staggered into their house in the early hours of the morning.

Casey moved closer to Severide, almost on him like a limpet. Severide chuckled at the way Casey's hands glided over his body, as if drawn by a magnetic force, unable to pull away. Casey's lips found his, kissing him tiredly, drunkenly, but lovingly nonetheless as his hands held his head, feeling Severide's buzz cut, gripping him tightly. Then his hands found their way down to Severide's pants.

"Stop," Severide spoke when he heard his own buckle open.

Casey paused his actions, lying heavily on top of Severide.

"You're drunk," he continued.

"Shh…" Casey put a finger to his own lips. "Don't tell anyone."

"I mean, we should just sleep," he explained, eyes tired and body weary.

"Don't wanna take advantage of me?" He grinned before leaning down and kissed Severide again.

"Think you might be taking advantage of me with that goofy smile of yours," Severide responded, chuckling airily.

Casey pouted. "Goofy," he objected.

"All right then… boyish."

"I am a boy," he retorted.

"You're a man," Severide said.

Casey's body stiffened. "Do I look old?" he asked, frowning.

"No," Severide responded, shaking his head, and stifling a chuckle at Casey's question.

"Not too old for hugs?"

"You're not old… and no one is ever too old for hugs," Severide said. "Do you need a hug?"

"I do," he responded, smiling.

Severide opened up his arms, allowed Casey to nestle against his chest, tucking his head underneath his chin, before wrapping his arms around Casey's smaller frame.

"Tonight was good, huh?" Severide asked him.

"Mmm…"

He smiled and continued. "You've been so busy lately, was nice to have some fun with you. We're on shift next weekend, but maybe we could go out in the week, just a meal or something?" he suggested. "Matt?"

Casey had fallen asleep in his arms. He looked down at him, careful not to disturb him, Casey's lips had parted a fraction and he looked peaceful. Severide gave the top of his head a kiss, switched the bedside light off and closed his own eyes.

Severide woke before Casey, he lay with him for some time before getting out of bed, his stomach empty and mouth dry. He took Margot out for a short walk, which was something Casey usually did but Severide wanted him to sleep a while longer. He was tidying up after eating breakfast when Casey appeared in their small kitchen area.

"God… I feel rough…" Casey announced gruffly as he entered.

"Morning to you too," Severide responded, smiling as he watched Casey head to the refrigerator.

He drank straight from the cartoon of orange juice. "Mind you, not as bad as I have felt before in the last ten months," he added.

"Ah so on a scale of feeling sick…"

"Chemo is worse than a hangover, possibly because the hangover is self-induced," Casey said with a smile.

"Breakfast?"

"Oh no…" he answered, scowling, the thought of food right now made him feel queasy.

"Coffee?"

"Please," Casey responded, smiling again. He sat down at the table and watched as Severide poured him a mug from the coffee pot. "Thank you," he said when Severide passed him the mug, he wrapped his fingers around its warmth.

Severide sat down opposite him. "Margot's been out for a walk, but we could take her for a longer one later, if it doesn't get too warm for her?"

"I've got some work to do," Casey answered.

"It's Saturday."

"I said I'd sort the guttering out for Mrs Henderson, she's been worrying it won't withstand any heavy rain," he responded.

"It's June," Severide said.

"I know, but she's still worried, won't even take me an hour, and it'll put her mind at ease," he explained.

"Matt…"

"She does make good pie too," Casey continued.

"You're not gonna charge her, are you?"

He shook his head and continued to sip his coffee. Severide just watched him, he always wondered how he ended up so well-adjusted, at least on the surface, and so caring and nice, when knowing what he did about Casey's childhood, and everything he's gone through, would lead anyone to think he'd be the exact opposite. Casey was loyal, hard-working, selfless, thoughtful, willing, and strong. Severide admired him, even though he could be harsh with his words, and stubborn to a fault. He liked to think he understood why Casey hid behind walls and pushed people away, it was a defence mechanism. He loved him, and he admired him, much more than Casey would ever believe, because Casey would never understand why anyone could ever love him.

Casey put his mug down on the table. "Have a got something on my face?" he asked Severide, a quizzical expression in his eyes.

Severide didn't respond right away. "Want a hand with the guttering?"

Casey smiled. "Sure."

TBC