CT: When it comes to the von Karma family, there are two things we know about them: their fashion sense stopped progressing at the turn of the 20th century, and they are as modest as they are obsessed with perfection. Heck, with how Manfred acts, he might as well wear a crown and a large garish cape that has the phrase "I'm better than you" written on the back in bright flashing neon letters. So, suffice to say, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Manfred had written at least one musical number in which his praises are literally sung.
But on a slightly different topic, Neil Marshall was both the luckiest and unluckiest man in the "Ace Attorney" universe- lucky in that Manfred hadn't murdered him for beating him at something, but yet unlucky in that Gant found his unconscious body first and decided to make him a part of his plan for legal world domination.
JP: Happy New Year, dear readers! Hope 2020 has been and continues to be good to all of you – and what better way to kick off the 1st month of the new year than a song about a Narcissistic Megalomaniac who always thought he was #1 (and not meaning visiting the piddly-diddly whizz palace variety!) at everything?
This request for DJJ680 managed to do the unthinkable – make a parody even funnier than the AA themed one that was made for this song with the main villains – Matt, Bitchtoff, Dahlia, and Manfred! (if you haven't seen it, look it up on YouTube under "We Are Number One But It's Ace Attorney!")
"I Am Number One"
Sung to the tune of
"We Are Number One"
from Lazy Town
It was the evening of the Police and Prosecutor Choice Awards, a time when prosecutors and members of the many divisions of the LAPD came together to celebrate the previous year's accomplishments over a nice dinner at the precinct. So as one would expect, the precinct's spacious, all-purpose room was decorated to the nines for the occasion. After all, heaven forbid that the prosecutors – especially Manfred von Karma and his young protégé, Miles Edgeworth – were seen in an environment that was less than immaculate.
The room's grey carpet, which was usually pretty clean, to begin with, was so thoroughly steamed that not a single speck of dirt was present on its fluffed appearance. The numerous tables scattered around the room that were all being used by various prosecutors and police officers were each covered with a pristine table cloth that was as white as snow and a colorful centerpiece consisting of several flowers – daffodils, hydrangeas, Oleanders, and a number of others – and a golden miniature version of the commonplace Lady Justice statue in which the ends of her scales were replaced with a prosecutor's badge and a police badge. Though the most noticeable feature of the room was the large stage that was situated at the room's front-center, making it impossible to miss – especially considering how all the spotlights shining on its reflective glossy surface made the rest of the room look pitch-black by comparison.
Though if there was one thing that was even brighter than the stage itself, it was Damon Gant's usual orange suit as he stood on the stage as Chief Prosecutor Blaise Debeste handed him his King of Detectives award, a mid-sized trophy that featured a gaudy silver magnifying glass and dusting brush positioned in an x-shape on top of a black-painted iron pedestal, before returning to his table at the front of the room.
"Hey, Manny! Look at my award!" Gant excitedly whispered as he took his seat to the veteran prosecutor's left and Lana's right. "Pretty impressive, eh?"
"King of Detectives…? Bah! You'd be better off examining an ant colony and deciding which ant is better than the rest," Manfred sneered with a hushed voice. "Because at least ants know how to obey orders and do their job properly, unlike certain detectives..."
"Sir, don't you think that's a bit cruel?" Edgeworth calmly whispered. "I know that we prosecutors are the backbone of the legal world, but shouldn't detectives have at least a few moments of glory in their otherwise bleak existence?"
"Tell you what, Miles, when you win more awards than me, you can tell me how to think." Manfred curtly responded as he squeezed his bicep.
"Well, considering how both you and Edgeworth are currently tied at a grand total of zero awards tonight, von Karma, that shouldn't be too difficult a goal to achieve," Lana snidely commented.
"That's because all of the awards that have been presented up until now – Perfect Attendance, Most Improved Prosecutor, King of Pay Cuts – have all been pity trophies to help console the imperfect prosecutors and the entirety of the police force who couldn't even spell 'capable' if their lives depended on it. But this next award is different, for it is King of Prosecutors, the accolade made specifically for the most perfect of prosecutors. So naturally, if I am to win any award this evening, it is – oh, it's starting. My moment of triumph." Manfred smirked.
"Ok, everyone, here's the award you've all been waiting for: King of Prosecutors. Y'see, as you all know, this is an award that we give out to only the best and brightest that the Prosecutor's Office has to offer. After all, with how many 'prodigy' prosecutors who are 20 and under we have employed, it's practically anyone's competition, y'know? But this year's King of Prosecutors isn't like the others. Y'see, not only is this guy a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom, but he's as likable as his sense of style is unusual. So, without further ado, this year's King of Prosecutors is-"
At that moment, Blaise was interrupted by Edgeworth taking out his flute and starting to play an upbeat song as Manfred stood up and started proudly walking up on stage.
"Oh no, not this again…" Lana groaned as she facepalmed. "Only a complete moron or a sadistic troll would actually like that musical number that von Karma forces us to listen to every year."
"Yeah! It's happening! Manny's number one! Manny's number one!" Gant chuckled, clapping his gloved hands together as Manfred started singing.
{Manfred}
Bah!
I am number one!
Bah!
I am number one!
This never gets old…
Manfred paused to grab the King of Prosecutors trophy, which he proceeded to hold out with a sneer on his face for all the other prosecutors in the audience to see.
{Manfred}
My lessers trounced and my glories told,
My perfection given form to hold.
Though winning this award was hardly a feat,
For these other "prosecutors" reek of defeat.
They're naïve like sods,
Their cases flawed,
And they dress like a bunch of frauds.
"Better to look like a fraud than a member of the Addams family!" Jake Marshall, from his table towards the front of the room, called out, prompting Manfred to shoot him a death glare and Neil Marshall, who was sitting next to him, to start snickering.
{Manfred}
I am number one!
Bah!
I am number one!
Bah!
I am number one!
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
With my perfect suit,
My stylish hair,
And my cravat white,
I am quite the sight,
Right?
"If y'all are a sight, von Karma, I'd be better off starin' into a Texas sun at high noon till I couldn't see no more sights!" Jake retorted in a fit of laughter, earning a high-five from his brother.
"I swear, one more outburst like that from either of you and I will do to the both of you what your beloved Texas did to proper grammar!" Manfred roared with a snap of his fingers.
{Manfred}
Now listen to me,
Pesky thorns,
I was prosecuting since before you were born!
Bah!
Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,
Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
I am number one!
Bah!
Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,
Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
I am number one!
Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,
Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
I am number one!
Bah!
Bah-bah-perfect-bah-bah-bah-bah,
Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
I am number one!
I am number one!
I am number one!
Bah!
Bah!
"Neil Marshall!" Blaise proclaimed with a sneer on his face, causing Manfred to reel back out of shock as the room filled with the hoots and hollers of the Marshall brothers.
"WHAT!?" Manfred roared, his eyes the size of saucers as a few beads of cold sweat started to drip down his brow.
"You heard me, von Karma. This year's King of Prosecutors is Neil Marshall! So, get up here, Cowboy, and claim your prize!" Blaise jovially stated with a wave of his hand, an order that Neil didn't hesitate to take up as he ran up on stage and ripped the trophy out of Manfred's hands.
"Good night above…" Neil sighed with a grin and a slight shake of his head as he took Blaise's place at the podium to give a speech. "With all the talented and experienced prosecutors that I have the privilege to work with every day, I never would have thought that I'd ever win an award like this in my lifetime, let alone my third year on the job. So, needless to say, I am deeply touched that y'all think so highly of me – even after I've lost more than one trial to that coffee-loving defense attorney at the start of my career."
The cowboy prosecutor paused to chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck.
"…Woo boy, if y'all think that losing a case you spent hours preparing for to some bluffing attorney makes ya feel lower than a snake's belly, then you obviously haven't had a mug of coffee thrown at your head…"
Neil had to pause for a brief moment to let the laughter that was erupting from the audience come to a stop as his face became slightly morose.
"Real shame what happened to Armando – hombre had one hell of an arm and a fightin' spirit to match. But at least he died doing what he loved: drinking coffee and being suave while doing so. Though I only wish I had the chance to thank him. Sure, he gave me hell, but with that hell, he pushed me to become the prosecutor that I am today. Though while on that subject, I'd also like to thank my brother, Jake, for always being there for me ever since we were kids playing Cowboys and Indians – even though we got into more than one fight about who got to be the cowboy – Detectives Gant and Skye, for inspiring all of us with their devotion to justice, and finally, Prosecutor Manfred von Karma…"
Even though he was embarrassed beyond belief, Manfred couldn't help but smirk a little upon being recognized. Sure, it wasn't as glamorous as being named King of Prosecutors once again, but it was nice to know that he was helping to inspire the younger generation… even if their fashion sense and lack of class were much to be desired.
"Whenever he stops by the Prosecutor's Office, I feel compelled to give it everything I've got – partially 'cause the guy's win record's cleaner than a washcloth on washday and I wanna look semi-competent by comparison, but mostly 'cause if I don't, then he's gonna be on me like stank on a crap wagon, lecturing me from dawn 'till dusk about how I'm not 'working hard enough' instead of leaving me alone so that I can actually get my work done. Plus, whenever my nerves start getting shakier than a jitterbug doing the jitterbug on a jumping bean before a trial, I take a deep breath and tell myself, 'Neil, if von Karma can go into court dressed like Dracula's granddaddy's corpse for 40 years without a care in the world and win every time, then what do you have to be worried about?'" Neil jokingly asked, prompting the audience to once again start laughing.
However, unlike last time, where the audience was allowed to calm down at their own pace, this time, their laughter was abruptly ended by the loud thud of the end of Manfred's cane slamming against the hardwood surface of the stage.
"Cease your insolent laughter!" Manfred roared with a snap of his fingers as he glared daggers into the audience. "I do not have to stand here and take this undeserved slander! Miles, we're leaving!"
Heeding his mentor's word, Edgeworth got up from his seat and made a beeline dash for the room's exit while Manfred followed suit – only instead of running, the veteran prosecutor maintained what little dignity he had left by loudly stomping to the door with his fists and teeth clenched. However, before he could reach the exit, he was stopped by someone calling out to him.
"Hey, von Karma!" Blaise shouted, prompting the 'perfect' prosecutor to slowly turn his head back so he could glower at his superior's sneering face. "Y'know, if it makes you feel any better, you'll always be number two to me!"
"Bah!" Manfred huffed as he thrust open the door leading out of the room and made an effort to slam it behind him as loudly as possible as he exited.
Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading!
Chapter 89
Forgreatcoffee
JP: Feliz año nuevo, Señor Java! ❤
I am almost disappointed that facsimile of a sham of a fax of an attorney didn't literally get rushed to the burn unit for grafts following the boiled crotch incident, but I imagine a second-degree burn would be pretty subduing!
I like the idea of Grossberg rooting for you crazy kids the whole time.
I am unaware whether or not Grossberg was actually married or not so it's hard to say whether or not he would be a believer in true love due to his present marital circumstances (if he was married I can guarantee he still had bigger bazoomas than his wife, what with those bitch tits!) or just from remembering the fanciful days of his fresh, lemon-scented youth. Either way, I imagine just being around a pair of lovers as captivating as you and your kitten would've made anyone a believer in true romance since he was the one who confirmed the status of your relationship to the rest of us while you were sleeping by referring to you as Mia's boyfriend during that fateful trial when Satan's Succubus finally got what was coming to her!
One of the greatest unsolved mysteries in the Ace Attorney world is how the beautiful holder of the Fey Twins got her nickname from you, your explanation is as good as any! Thank you for sharing!
As for your suggestion from the Trolls movie, I love that song and the film! Consider it done! 😊
CT: Strange. I never pictured Grossberg as being the type to be hopeful for love outside the kind that a man feels for his fisherman painting.
Peoplepersonsof DooM
JP: Hiya, Lyn! I love the fact that I make you want to slug the characters that I'm writing – the last time you wanted to hit the leading man and lady was Filling The Void with Nick and Maya! 😆
They say that the good die young and Mia Fey was no exception! I made her pretty badass in this story but considering she knew what Grossberg did to her family and still chose to work with him she obviously must've forgiven him somewhat, plus she took on Phoenix which she thought was a crybaby p*ssy as her protégé so the woman truly had a heart of gold to rival the halo she is now wearing! Plus considering how cocksure and confident Mr. Rico Sauvé was portrayed in the games and anime it was a lot of fun making him be unsure of himself when he felt a stirring for a woman in his heart instead of just his loins! As for Mia, I'm pretty sure she was aware of the effect she had on men but as a point in your life when you just want more than that, to be loved for more than your beauty. As much as most of the Ace Attorney cast is a bunch of clueless dorks in the romantic department including but not limited to my husbando, I'd like to think a well-educated beauty that was a total catch like Mia must've at least had some experiences in college, perhaps even some of them, according to a good chunk of our fandom, with miss "intellectually attracted" Lana Skye herself! I think Mia could tell Diego was into her but it would take a lot more than a fling to make someone as ambitious as her whose sole mission in life was to clear her mother's name risk dipping her pen in the company ink! It's hard for womanizer to ever prove himself as being true blue… Which I think is a challenge with my other beloved pairing Klema! She thinks he's a Rockstar man whore and a glimmerous fop… This is why in my stories, I tend to make him work for it really hard (pun only partially intended!) 😉
Happy New Year my friend! I'm going to move heaven and earth to make sure that chapter 3 of our Dahlstoph collaboration gets out this month! 😊
CT: With how determined Mia can be when she puts her mind to something, I wouldn't be surprised if Mia barely allowed herself any time to eat and sleep, let alone date. Heck, there's a chance that one of the reasons why Mia started dating Diego was that it would give them time to brainstorm leads on how to bring Dahlia to justice. Though while on that topic, I can just picture Mia and Diego taking their desire to bring Dahlia down to the next level by integrating it into their bedroom roleplaying, with Mia pretending to be Dahlia, who has just been declared guilty of her crimes because of the hard work of the charming and talented Mia Fey and the cunning and rugged Diego Armando and is trying to persuade the Judge- who is played by Diego- into giving her a lighter sentence.
Considering that Mia continued to solve cases and woo guys into helping her even after her death, I think amazing is a bit of an understatement. Though as for channeling, why would Mia need to channel someone in order to strike them down when she has Fey Strength, Fey Speed, and Fey Ruthlessness on her side? I mean, look at Pearl. Despite being only nine-years-old and barely eating any meat, the girl was capable of knocking out Phoenix, despite his invincibility, with only six slaps. With that kind of power, I think it's safe to assume that Bruce Lee would be on the ground crying for mercy within seconds of encountering a Fey woman. But alas for Bruce Lee, the Fey women know no mercy.
chloemcg
JP: My favorite Ace hunks in the Japalifornia world used to be Phoenix, Miles, Barnham and Diego however after writing the smoldering Latino I realized that I had to both Miles to the number two spot… Because that is one mighty hot cup of coffee!😍
I'd like to think on a racier note that Mia got her nickname because she used her lover's back as a scratching post on many occasions… Just like I hinted at in the story was going to be what happened as soon as they got out of the hospital. Ultimately, though, no matter how much Diego may have made her purr, Mia she proved to have some serious kitty claws like a real feline when she was alive, what with stomping on Phoenix's foot in the anime for being an idiot and quietly taking out her rage on Dahlia Hawthorne's testimony by letting out infuriated punches on the poor, unsuspecting Grossberg during that fateful trial!
By the way, since you love Zootopia so much there is a wonderful fan translated sequel to the movie that you might enjoy checking out some time and let me know what you think! I absolutely adored it!
I'm delighted that you liked your request milady had a very Happy New Year to you!
YouTube: Return To Zootopia | Full Fan Film
CT: Knowing Diego, he probably came up with the "kitten" nickname as a joke after noticing how a lot of women would take their coffee with a generous amount of milk. And while Diego probably saw his dates not being able to take pure black coffee as a bit cute, if they tried to pour some milk into his cup, they'd be dead to him and the relationship would be over on the spot.
thepudz
JP: It's really great that you could appreciate Mia not wanting to be sexually harassed in the workplace against a lecherous pervert old enough to be her father… a male I knew claimed that Mia was acting like a FemiNazi in this story by insisting on being an independent female… But hell if that makes a woman a FemiNazi…then Color ME Badd, too!
Even though Maya is my forever girl crush, the sexier elder Fey without question had a certain factor that the French refer to as "I don't know what!" 😛 I wouldn't be entirely against a ménage a trois with Miego myself… Can we say catch and catch?! It's impossible to say which one was more gorgeous… My willingness to switch teams for the sake of being a happy participant might surprise some, considering Phaya is my actual number one OTP but I don't know if I'd actually want to share my Nick with anybody including Maya! 😉
It was harder than Diego's rock-hard thighs to write the sexiest canon couple in the series and keep it clean but it was at the behest of my Kris Kringle recipient apparently… But hey it's great to challenge myself as a writer and trying something new!
As an angsty artist, I do tend to look back at my older work in a lot of cases with a big smile, but in some cases, I kinda cringe! I'd like to think I have evolved over the years, but it is such a delight to hear from a good friend and talented writer that you concur! 😘
Diego is not only eye candy but being Hispanic his voice would be ear porn! I refuse to accept that smoky rasp of the English voice actor in the anime as his voice! To me, Diego/Godot will always sound like a silver-tongued Latino Don Juan…like Antonio Banderas in Puss In Boots – can't change my mind! As for the rest of him, Papi is damn sexy that anyone who doesn't get a boner around him, a very good friend of mine decreed, has a broken 🍆!😆
Happy New Year Roo!
CT: With works like this, you can see why JP's title as the Queen of Steam is more than justified thanks to how hot she makes her works. But even though JP's works can get as hot and fluffy as a stuffed animal that Blaise lit on fire and used as a Molotov cocktail, they can't compare to the heat that Hammond experienced when he got that coffee thrown into his crotch. Though knowing Hammond, that's probably the most attention he got down there from a woman that didn't involve a foot and a steel-toed boot.
Joeclone
JP: The real Christmas miracle was my ability, however reluctant, to write this smoldering sexy pair without any of my traditional steam! That being said, adding on to what my partner mentioned about a ship involving the furry fox boy, Yanmegaman, ThePudz and I wrote a collaboration a few years ago called Say Hello To Yesterday, we came up with a bunch of crack pairings, but the one I could actually get behind was siccing Jean Armstrong on that world-renowned tool and paid-up member of the Big Twit Club! Yaoi isn't normally my scene but Jean Armstrong pretty much calls himself a girl and the judge actually thought he was one so …that phony French accent and equally unpalatable haute cuisine… couldn't happen to a nicer guy! 😆
By the way, I did read the final version of your story and loved it! A+!
Happy new year sweetie! Here's your first cheek squish of 2020! 😘
CT: When you've got a couple like Miego and someone skilled with romantic writing like JP, you don't need a miracle in order to make it work. Now a real miracle would be making a ship involving Wocky appealing.
TheFreelancerSeal
JP: This took me forever to write but I'm delighted that you thought it was worth the wait! Straight parodies are a lot of fun but this one got an extra dose of fluffy love for me because it was a present for my Kris Kringle gift exchange.
I'm sorry to hear that you had a hot butter incident that rivaled Hammond's hot coffee one I'm hoping it wasn't to your family jewel region as I imagine you would like to have offspring someday… My biggest challenge in writing the sexiest couple in the Ace Attorney universe was keeping down the heat between the although I'm happy if people picked up on the pending steam even if it was on screen. Mia was all woman here her roar or in this case mule and his because that kitten had claws although obviously Diego had what it took to get that kitten purring! I wrote a story about Phoenix and Miles as incompetent fathers called Double DILF Doodies where JusticeCykes was married and Athena was forcing Apollo to show his love by sitting through the entire 50 Shades of Grey trilogy (yes I know this is a rather cruel and unusual punishment because I personally would rather give Sal Manella a bikini wax – ugh! What a thought… is how you induce vomiting in the human soul! – then have to endure those movies my girlfriends forced me to watch ever again!) But I figure Twilight as the ultimate test of love was possibly worse at least 50 shades had some smut that seemed to gratify the lovers of mommy porn out there! Personally I think Diego probably preferred getting stabbed in the arm as a less painful way to prove his devotion! I'm serious…the books are that putrid. Benedict Sadmahdi would have a heyday! In the end, Maya did end up with somebody with a very big heart to keep her fed up through her eyeballs and burgers he just didn't have deep pockets… Luckily he seemed to love her enough to go broke for her… But this was a Miego story, not a Phaya story! 😉
Mia finally got to see her personalized impromptu love song right at the end Diego was just so cool and swab I cannot picture him actually singing to a song that was initially signed by children or at all he's one of the few Ace Attorney characters that actually had sex appeal and had definitely gotten laid prior to Mia …therefore sex gods do not normally sing sappy parodied love songs!
But… They can write them! 😊
Happy New Year, Bud!
CT: In regards to whether or not a parody gets a story to go with it, the way I see it, it more or less depends on if we have material to work with. Typically, I prefer to have a short story to go with the song in order to set up the context behind it, but if there really isn't much to work with, then I'm perfectly fine with just including the song.
Frankly, when it comes to Maya, even if she had a reverse-harem consisting of Ronald McDonald, the Burger King, and the Hardies star, she'd still be demanding more burgers. Frankly, with how Phoenix has been able to somewhat satisfy Maya's appetite for three years despite only working a grand total of 14 cases, I think it's safe to say that Phoenix missed his true calling as an ace accountant. Though after having to watch "Twilight", I think I finally understand why Diego was so careless with his coffee when talking to Dahlia, a woman he knew uses poison as a weapon against men she doesn't like.
DJJ680
JP: Hammond was a complete Baciagaloop whose lack of faith in his client's innocence ultimately ended up to his demise… It wasn't that hard to picture him being a sexist ace asshat on top of everything else! I will leave it up to up to our readers to decide whether or not he needed those skin grafts, although according to Señor Java he wasn't totally unscathed from the incident… Apparently it was minimum second-degree burns as I imagine any office with Diego Armando would never have coffee that ever got cold given his insane addiction to his beverage of choice! As for the movie I have never seen it but it looks really sweet. I turn into a melting GUI pile of marshmallow and whipped cream over hot chocolate at Christmastime, which was the degree of sweetness that was required for the most beautiful, Shakespearean level tragic can couple in the series!
Also, congratulations on causing great levels of my snaflatulating with your crack fic… Apollo's pretty arms and blonde hands?! So far on this site you're only the second male besides my hilarious partner to create that level of mirth! 😂
Happy 2020!
CT: To be more accurate, when it comes to the ending of "Killing Harmony" Spike Chunsoft strapped a bunch of dynamite to the building, threw a firecracker in an open window, and then put on their sunglasses while slowly walking away while the building. To be honest, after I saw the ending during my blind playthrough of the game, I was a bit shaken up and had to take a break before covering the postgame content. I swear, between the ending and the first chapter, "Killing Harmony" doesn't hold back any punches. There is no stability, only lies- and I'm not talking about the entertaining Kokichi kind.
When it comes to the Disney "Star Wars" trilogy, the only one I honestly really wanted to see was "The Force Awakens" out of sheer curiosity. Though as for the other two films, I only saw them on the premise that if I had to suffer through "The Force Awakens", I might as well suffer through the rest of them. Sure, the visuals and effects look pretty good, but that don't do much to make up for the lackluster characters were introduced, with them being forgettable at best and aggravating at worst, with Rey and Whinelo Ren being the most noteworthy cases.
For Whinelo, it's like J.J. Abrams saw Anakin in "Revenge of the Sith" and felt that the character needed more edginess, less formidability, and less clothing. I swear, when I saw "The Force Awakens", when Kylo was smashing that computer, I was immediately reminded of Wocky. However, unlike Wocky, who's so cringy that it's hilarious, with Kylo, it comes off as pathetic. Whenever I see Kylo on screen, I don't see an aspiring Sith lord, I see the kind of edgy tween who spends his day standing outside of Hot Topic while eating one of those big mall cookies. For goodness sake, this is a guy who lost a lightsaber battle to a girl who never even used one before. I don't care if Kylo was hit by a bowcaster. Vader was incredibly weak to electricity, yet he was perfectly capable of lifting Papa Palpatine above his head and throwing him into that reactor while being shocked with Force Lightning from one of the most powerful Sith Lords in both canon and legends. And don't even get me started on the Ben Swolo visions and the fact that Kylo's role in "Rise of Skywalker" has been reduced more or less to that of an exposition machine. Though on a side topic, I find it kind of strange that Kylo's helmet's audio is of worse quality than Vader's despite it being more modern.
And as for Rey, her character in the entire Disney trilogy can be summed up in two words: Mary Sue. Despite never really using a lightsaber, Rey's capable of besting a dark Jedi (to call Whinelo a Sith would be to spit on the legacies of Maul, Bane, Revan, and any other actual Sith) who has had years of training and is Anakin's decedent; and despite never even using the Force, Rey was able to master mind tricks and other such techniques like they were nothing. Not only is that, but in "The Force Awakens", Rey is capable of fixing the Melenium Falcon with pretty much no difficulty. Sure, it could be reasoned that Rey could fix the Falcon because she's a scavenger, but a scavenger does not a mechanic make. While Rey can disassemble and collect scrap metal, that doesn't necessarily make her inherently good with machines. If we saw a scene or two of Rey tinkering with droids or other such devices, I'd be able to let that grievance go, but at the beginning of the film, all we're told about Rey is that she's a scavenger and that she misses her parents.
Ok, now that I finished my Disney trilogy rant, I can talk about "Polar Express". In regards to "Polar Express", while I don't find it to be the most riveting film out there, I feel that the visual look pretty good and have ages pretty well and that the story- with the exception of the random demon Scrooge puppet scene- is the kind of harmless, heartwarming plot that you'd expect to get from a children's Christmas movie.
As for that short story, I wouldn't be surprised if those events actually happened when Apollo applied to be Kristoph's protégé.
Muhammad Sban
JP: one of the things I overlooked was the fact that Trucy's grandfather screwed over his two disciples fully knowing that neither one of the himwas responsible for his daughter's death! He knew that she didn't really die, right? Which only makes him an even more of a colossal 🍆! Like, we are talking a 🍆that was so Brobdingnagian, if it'd been a bris, mohel would have to bring a machete!😆
Ergo I'm going to agree with you that even though Blaise was the worst of the worst and probably helped usher in the dark age of the law even before Manfred came along, he is still the lesser of two evils when compared to Magnifi Gramarye! He is also probably slightly responsible for the fact that Trucy has a slightly tarnished halo… You can't possibly have Zak as a father and such a colossal 🍆 grandfather both who were a few accessories short of an ensemble, and claim that you have a full grip on all your marbles! No doubt her tortured coerced assistants Athena and Apollo would agree! Also considering she has pulled a tire out of those panties I think that her magical underwear and the whole alternate dimension theory might actually ring true! I'm thinking kind like Hermione's tiny little traveling bag which seemed to magically everything they needed to find the Horcruxes in The Deathly Hallows!
Everyone I've talked to wants to see Franny and Gummy back although Gumshoe still wins slightly more in the most desired character fans want to see again. My own personal headcanon, of course, is that he is married to Maggey as chief of police by now… Do you have any theories you would like to share your own theories about what that big lovable lug has been up to since we last saw him?
I think we can agree that doting Papa DILF Phoenix is a pretty lax parent, although is not very consistent… he let her run around investigating with her brother even in potentially dangerous situations, and brought her around to that seedy dive where he played poker to help him cheat at cards, but he won't let her wear lipstick?!
Priorities, Nick!
Apollo would be the first person to tell you that he is a dead man walking… At the very least he is a death magnet if not for himself then everyone around him from his best friend to his three daddies. Seriously I hate the fact that people want Phoenix to adopt that human disaster. Nick be like "hell to the no! Bitch, I'd DIE!"
Then again, if Trucy can use a real guillotine and revived her victims maybe Nick wouldn't die if he was Apollo's latest daddy. After all, aside from a little back pain isn't he pretty much unbreakable?
Is it really bad that almost more than seeing Gummy and Franny I would be rooting for Naypoota to be the next victim in Ace Attorney 7? Then Apollo could be accused of a murder and get officially joined the ranks of every other main character in the series! That would be a riot! 😆
I am delighted that you liked my homage to Miego, one of my favorite couples out there and writing for them felt like more of a Christmas gift to myself than my Kris Kringle! Nothing makes me happier than seeing readers still enjoy our work almost 2 years later! ❤
Happy New Year, dear reader!
Cheers,
JP
CT: I guess great minds think do think alike on account of how the idea of Trucy's magic panties containing a pocket dimension is one of my headcanons as well. Though for me, I personally picture said pocket dimension being more akin to the Null Void from the "Ben 10" series- a vast, brightly-colored void filled with large rocks and strange creatures as far as the eye can see. However, if one were to go to the dimension contained in Trucy's magic panties, one would also find all of the evidence that she has ever made disappear, along with about half of the homework she has ever received and every heckler that she has had to deal with over the years during her shows.
Though if Trucy were to use magic as a means of reviving her vict-er, "assistants", I think she'd opt to have them look at a cursed scroll that makes it where their unable to die, but they gradually start to go insane as they become more and more undead. But while on the topic of Trucy's assistants, with how the universe has been striking Apollo down at every opportunity, I wouldn't be surprised if it's revealed that he actually died when he fell into that river as a child and that the entire "Ace Attorney" universe is his personal hell, with Phoenix as the Devil. Sure, Phoenix isn't all that evil, but you know what they always say: the Devil's the last person you'd expect. Heck, that would explain why Phoenix is invincible and lets his little devil child torture his loyal protégés who have stayed by his side, even during the most trying of times, for very little pay (and at certain times, none at all) with a smirk?
When it comes to the debate as to whether Magnifi or Blaise is the bigger douchebag, I think of it like comparing Ganondorf from the "Legend of Zelda" series to Ridley from the "Metroid" games. Sure, Ganondorf has brought pain and sorrow to way more people than Ridley, but where the latter lacks in quantity, he more than makes up for it in quality in that he really messed up the one person he did screw over. I mean, Ridley has traumatized Samus so badly that she encounters his clone in "Other M", she actually had a PTSD attack that was so severe that she was rendered a blubbering mess that was unable to move or talk, let alone fight, for quite some time. And mind you, this is a woman who has singlehandedly fought her way through a planet od giant floating space leaches, destroyed a dimension inhabited by savage dark blob-like beings who possess their enemies and use them as puppets by destroying their five most powerful creatures (with one of them being the creatures' king), and had to kill off three bounty hunter who she befriended one by one after their minds were corrupted and while she herself was being rotted away from the inside.
Likewise, while Magnifi may have had more family members to screw over, it was like a fine dusting- covering them, but could be easily shaken off. I mean, if Zak and Roger weren't jerks themselves, you wouldn't be able to easily see the darkness that dwells in the Gramarye family. However, with Blaise, since Sebastian was his one and only son, he was able to heap all of his sadistic 'fun' on the poor boy's shoulders and leave him an absolute wreck. Sure, Sebastian comes off as being a spoiled daddy's boy when you first encounter him, but once you meet Blaise, you start to realize that the naïve adolescent's desire to pump himself up and overcompensate wasn't because he had this huge ego that needed stroking, but rather, he was abused so harshly for so long that he did it in the hopes of having some sliver of self-worth and to actually receive an ounce of love for once in his sad life. Heck, in "The Grand Turnabout", when Blaise approaches Sebastian and suggests that they "play", the latter flinches as if he's about to be punched in the jaw- which, knowing Blaise, is quite likely.