AN: Wow, I am truly a terrible writer for leaving you guys hanging for so long! Sorry from the bottom of my heart but I just haven't had in me to write lately. My mum's been ill, I've been tired as anything and life itself just seems to get in the way. But I sincerely hope you enjoy this and I hope I haven't lost what little writing ability I had. By the way, I used a random date generator which is why this is a November oneshot.

Words (excluding author's note): 1239

If there was one thing both Jessica and Toby hated about the way they were living, it was the feeling that they weren't in their own skin.

Jessica spent her years acting optimistic and bouncy to try and hide the damage caused by her mother's cruel words.

Toby, meanwhile, acted like the carefree joker to escape from the feeling that he wasn't good enough and that his younger brother would always be the favourite.

Their disguises had lasted for years but everyone around them assumed that what they saw was what they got. They didn't see what the two saw in each other since the beginning.

Was it any wonder that they became so close so quickly? They could sense the others' pain, see the cracks in their skins, which were minute but there if one was to pay close enough attention to them.

But no one ever did. At least not to the degree of attention they gave each other.

They knew they couldn't rely on these disguises forever. They were getting older and still nobody - not even the people closest to them - knew them for who they really were.

Staying in their skins so long, however, had made them afraid to reveal their true selves. It was almost as though their personalities and existences - old and new - had amalgamated into one and neither of them could tell the difference between their true personality and the one they presented to everyone around them.

"Do you ever hate yourself for lying to everyone?"

Toby sat up, looking at Jessica who was looking wistfully at the sky, refusing to meet his gaze. If he had been anyone else, he wouldn't have understood her question. But then, if he was anyone else, she wouldn't have asked in the first place.

He closed his eyes, thinking about how to answer. It wasn't like he didn't think about it all the time - he did - but he could never come up with a concrete answer in his mind.

"Sometimes, I guess..." was his eventual response.

He heard her shift from the lounge chair and the grass next to him ruffle as she presumably sat down next to him. Opening his eyes, he saw her frown.

"Only sometimes, huh?" she murmured. Under her breath, she added, "Lucky you."

Now it was his turn to frown. He placed his hands on her shoulders and made her look at him. "What do you mean 'lucky me'?"

Jessica let out a shuddering breath. This wasn't going to be easy to admit, not even to Toby, the one person she admitted everything to.

"Because...because..."

She couldn't do it. She was weak. Real or not real, she'd always be weak. She could hear her mother's voice in her head taunting her just as she'd done when she was a child.

"Because?" she heard Toby's voice in her ear, his arms around her waist, holding her up even as she struggled to ignore the taunts in the deepest recesses of her memories.

It wasn't the first time a situation like this had occurred for either of them. One would fall apart and the other would do whatever they could to hold them together. It happened more often and with more severity to Jessica, however.

She gripped him tightly, not caring if anyone saw, only caring that he was there with her. Like the oceans he commanded, his presence would wash away the pain. It took time with every meltdown but eventually the feeling of hopelessness would subside.

"Jess, you okay?" he asked as he felt her grip on him loosen slightly.

"Y-Yes," she said shakily. Toby simply hugged her, knowing that she wasn't okay but her pride wasn't allowing her to admit it.

"I...you wanted me to answer you, right?" she murmured, trying to collect her thoughts.

Toby shook his head. "It doesn't matter now," he responded. "I don't want you to..."

"No, it's alright. I mean, I tell you everything anyway and I need to get it off my chest."

They sat back down on the grass, having been stood up for the past ten minutes while Jessica was having her breakdown.

"It was a - well, I'd like to call it a dream but it wasn't - nightmare I had. I went to school and, instead of acting the way I normally do, I acted the way I am on the inside."

She took a breath, trying to steady her nerve and looked down, noticing that Toby's hand was laid over hers. How long had...? Toby followed her gaze and went to move his hand away, afraid he'd overstepped his bounds.

"Sorry!" he yelped before jumping as Jessica subconsciously grabbed his hand, holding onto it. He glanced at her momentarily, saw that she seemed more relaxed than before and smiled as he laced their fingers together, happy that he could help her in some way, no matter how insignificant it seemed.

"Well, things seemed fine at first. Nobody seemed bothered by how I was acting. You treated me just the same as always. But then, things changed. When I went to school the next day, still acting the same way, people started telling me to go back to the way I was before."

She started trembling so Toby started rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. The worst of her nightmare was still to come, apparently.

"I saw Nick, Lucas and Gina. I expected them to be okay with me being who I really am but...but they told me they wanted the real Jessica back because they didn't like this one!"

She looked anguished as she exclaimed, "You may only hate yourself sometimes but I hate myself for lying all the time. I hate that I can't be myself around other people, that I have to wear this skin, but how can I reveal the truth when I'm so afraid?"

"You don't think I'm afraid, too?" His voice was quiet but she could still hear him. "I know I don't think about this as often as you do but I do know how you feel."

Now she felt guilty. "I-I didn't..." she uttered. How could she have been so self-absorbed? Of course she wasn't the only one suffering!

"We're both onions here, after all!"

Wait, what?

"Toby, what do you mean?"

The blonde teen rubbed his head. "Well, an onion's fine with its skin on, isn't it? It doesn't bother anybody until you peel away its layers. Then people start crying. And that's kind of like us?" he finished awkwardly.

Jessica smiled for what felt like the first time all day. "Not sure I like being compared to an onion but I get what you're saying."

Toby smiled back at her. "No matter how many layers we have on, I guess we'll always..."

"Yeah," Jessica agreed. "Might seem hard to believe but I always did."

It was always the same. They knew how they felt but they were reluctant to use that four-letter word because it didn't feel like it was enough. Neither of them knew a word or phrase that had more meaning than the words they longed to say.