With Love and Admiration

Pairing: Ronsy (Ron Weasley x Pansy Parkinson)

Universe: post-war, EWE

Rating: T

Summary: Olivie Advent cont'd.

Prompts: 1) meta commentary; 2) Molly Weasley and Lady Parkinson go to war when it comes to planning a Weasley-Parkinson Wedding.

SURPRISING BETROTHAL NEWS FROM WAR HERO WEASLEY AND HEIRESS PARKINSON

Fascinating development indeed following the announcement of an engagement between Ronald Weasley and Pansy Parkinson, writes social correspondent Rita Skeeter. Many in the wizarding world will be quick to register the sensation of surprise, perhaps even astonishment, at hearing the news that two such highly public figures have been carrying out what has obviously been an exceedingly furtive romance. While the highly public fallout from Miss Parkinson's previous relationship with Draco Malfoy and the even more recent disintegration of Mr Weasley's relationship with fellow war hero Hermione Granger have certainly been enough to send all four into hiding, it is perhaps safe to say that no one quite expected this news to break between two such unlikely parties.

While it may be rather out of fashion to discuss, there is no denying the Weasleys and the Parkinsons have had their disagreements over the past few centuries. Optically, this is a match that might make someone awakening from a coma consider returning to sleep! True, modern times call for modern sensibilities, as both families must be distinctly aware, but the couple have hardly been known for their amicability. While Weasley and Parkinson were Prefects together during their Hogwarts years, their personal history shows they interacted very little except to trade sharpened barbs, according to their former classmates.

"I can't say I find this to be anything less than a shock," adds Lavender Brown, an erstwhile paramour of Weasley's. "I had no idea they were even civil, much less romantic. Are you sure this isn't more of an obituary sort of thing? Did they both die, maybe?"

"I think it makes sense in a distinctly weird way," remarks Terry Boot, a prefect of Ravenclaw house while Parkinson and Weasley attended Hogwarts. "I mean, who else would have them, right?"

"I'd really prefer not to talk about this," comments Harry Potter. "I thought I made it clear you couldn't come to my office whenever you needed a stupid quote about Hermione. Oh hang on, this is about Ron? Wait. What's Ron done?"

… how pleased I was to hear of their engagement, Dahlia, how wonderful! You didn't ask, of course, but allow me to assure you I have no lingering qualms about your daughter's urgency to turn my adoptive son over to You Know Who. Assuming there are no other Dark Lords coming to power I will rest assured there will not be a repeat of former events. Bygones! Obviously we're thrilled, as I can't think of an acceptable reason we could possibly feel otherwise. As far as it goes with the details, I think it's best we keep it small, don't you? We'd be happy to host it. My eldest had his wedding here and aside from the small interruption by your husband and his warmongering comrades, it was a truly lovely affair…

… assure you not to concern yourself with the details! Your son is of course not what we would consider a traditional match, but I think we both know (some of us more than others) that nothing is traditional anymore. As for your offer to help financially, that was very charming, Molly, thank you, I quite enjoyed the laugh, but of course it's not a problem for us to take on the bulk of the society events. It's best if I handle everything, as I'm sure you're already aware my husband and I are very well connected. (You might remember Warwick from Hogwarts, I suspect? I was of course a mere child at the time!) In terms of the engagement dinner, if I could just confirm your wardrobe? The color palette in our ballroom is rather a challenging one for your complexion…

Do you really think this'll work?

Of course it'll work. What do you think I am, an amateur?

MINISTRY EMPLOYEE ASSAULTS FORMER HOGWARTS GOVERNOR AT SON'S ENGAGEMENT DINNER

'Volatile' hardly begins to describe this evening's dinner celebrating the engagement between Pansy Parkinson and Ronald Weasley, writes social correspondent Rita Skeeter. While the event was practically aglow with the finest of wizarding society and also many members of the extended Weasley clan, it appears some bad blood still managed to work its way to the surface—literally! After what could only be called a hostile exchange of words between Arthur Weasley, department head for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts department, and Warwick Parkinson, former governor for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the interaction soon came to blows alongside what will unfortunately not be the subject of this article: the truly breathtaking cake, designed by Diagon's own Winchester Ambrose of Ambrose's Ambrosial Delights. While there is no telling what initiated the altercation aside from generations of warring ideology, the bride and groom did not seem to take the family squabble to heart.

"Oh, them? Yeah, they're fine," remarks close friend of the groom, Seamus Finnegan. "Are you going to finish that, by the way?"

… on earth was I supposed to know Arthur would still be so sensitive about it? War is such an ugly thing, Molly, so of course Warwick would never have mentioned it had Arthur not brought it up. We would never have guessed you still considered the wound so fresh, considering at your age, there is so little time to waste on old wounds. I am still waiting, of course, for Arthur's apology, and if you could give your daughter something of a nudge, I'm sure Pansy would be relieved to hear from her. Bat mucus is extremely difficult to remove from silk and for her father to have had to take his formal portraits with such obvious blemishes will surely dampen what is otherwise an exceedingly joyous occasion…

… true, thank you for reminding me, Dahlia, that of course five years is long enough for anyone to have forgotten the carnage of having our world utterly turned upside down. I don't mean your obvious hardships of Ministry fines, of course, though clearly that must have traumatized you deeply. Consider it all forgotten! Tell Pansy to rest assured, I'm positive Ginny will have passed along her condolences for Warwick's robes, and in the meantime I hope Warwick's nose is healing nicely. Frankly, I'm shocked Arthur was able to make such precise contact with such a peculiar target! I do so look forward to what our grandchildren will end up with…

It's not working, Parkinson.

How is it not working?

My mum's still driving me mad, isn't she?

It's not an instant fix, Weasley, Christ. Were you expecting me to kill her?

I can't believe I'm having to clarify this, but just in case: I'd really prefer if you did not.

Then sit quietly and let the adults do their work. By the way, those robes were a vast improvement. The portrait should be lovely.

You picked them out.

Yes, and I have magnificent taste.

I can't wait for this to be over.

It will be, Weasley, soon. My money's on your mother calling it off any day now.

Doubtful. Did you see your mum's face when my dad punched yours?

I did. And I positively relished it.

Funnily enough, so did I.

GUEST LISTS REVEALED FOR FORTHCOMING PARKINSON-WEASLEY AFFAIR

In today's social news, a shocking turn of events as the Parkinsons and Weasleys reveal their guests for the coming wedding breakfast and ceremony, writes social correspondent Rita Skeeter. While it's certainly not unusual to have an A-list and a B-list, this one is quite a baffling series of decisions, almost as if the two parties opted to throw some names arbitrarily into a hat, threw the hat away, and then asked an inebriated rabbit to choose for them. While there are certainly the expected names—Harry Potter and Hermione Granger on one side, Theodore Nott and Draco Malfoy on the other—they've all been mixed in with distant Sacred Twenty-Eight cousins, popular public figures, custodial Ministry employees, members of the Greek aristocracy, and what appears to be a small Icelandic village.

"I do not know vat I am doing here," comments Viktor Krum, another mystified ceremony invitee. "Does this mean Herm-ow-ninny is free?"

… room for our many guests, of course. I'm sure you're having a similar problem; after all, Ronald is sixth of seven, isn't he? Or is it eight of nine? I tried to count during the engagement dinner but I'm afraid I was frequently having to start over. I must say, it's a wonder you can keep track of how many of them are coming and going, though by the sounds of it perhaps you don't…

… are quite frosty together, aren't you? Ronald and I are of course inconceivably close, I adore him, and I'm sure that must be uncomfortable for you, all that affection flying about unattended. So interesting to see there was one more Parkinson guest than there were Weasleys in the end; surely a coincidence. By the way, have we spoken about my Aunt Muriel's tiara? I'm positive Pansy will want to wear it, after all I think she gets enough coldness from your side of the family without having to add in their jewels…

You're mad.

Am I?

You're absolutely mad. What did you do, taunt your mother into expanding the guest list?

You sound impressed.

I'm not impressed, I'm in awe. Though my mum's head's going to explode any day now, and I specifically told you not to kill her.

It's not my fault they're doing precisely what we predicted they'd do. Are you trying to tell me you're out?

What, now? Absolutely not. Hermione's even owled me to ask if I'm dying or something.

You see? All we have to do is carry out the plan, and soon enough we'll both have precisely what we wanted.

AFTERNOON BRIDAL SHOWER ERUPTS IN FLAME, SINGES REPORTER'S BRAND NEW ROBES

This morning's celebration of Pansy Parkinson's forthcoming nuptials to Ronald Weasley were off to a lovely start until a startling turn of events involving what some suspect to be creature-related arson brought the whole thing to a fiery halt. While the event began beautifully, with many a society witch and also Hermione Granger joining Miss Parkinson for tea in honor of her highly publicized marriage next month, it appears there may have been some tension around the time of the fire, which blazed along the outer edge of the Parkinson estate.

Closest to the flames were the mothers of the bride and groom, Molly Weasley and Dahlia Parkinson, both of whom were later reported to be "a bit scorched around the boots, but otherwise unharmed" by the unlikely presence of what nearby party-goers suspect to be the usual incendiary behavior of wild Cornish pixies.

"Pixies? Is that what Mum said? What a load of hogwash," remarks Ginevra Weasley, sister of the groom. "Honestly, I haven't seen my mum lose her cool like that in ages, though if anyone was going to get set upon by her untended rage, it makes sense to be that awful w-"

"GINNY, COME ALONG," shrieked the mother of the groom calmly, flashing this reporter a manic smile as she dragged her daughter away.

… you have some sort of problem with my daughter's marriage to your son, then of course I would love to hear it. We have tried and tried to be accommodating but it appears your family has yet to reconcile what I can only imagine to be lingering Weltschmerz following the war. Have you tried meditation to soothe your petty grievances? Candor is such an important thing between family…

… ridiculous, of course I'm over the moon for my son the WAR HERO, who could have easily had any woman in the world but chose to comfort your daughter after that terrible stumble she had. And after everything with the Malfoys! Such a shame they're both in Azkaban now; what a relief you and Warwick managed so narrowly to escape their fate. Frankly, we're all quite pleased to see our Ronald has turned out so selflessly philanthropic, and as for any lingering conflict between us, I can't think why anything would come even remotely to mind…

WAR HERO'S STAG PARTY RESULTS IN MASSIVE KNOCKTURN DRUG BUST

While out with the lads, future husband to Pansy Parkinson and current junior Auror for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement Ronald Weasley happened upon some suspicious criminal activity this evening, writes social correspondent Rita Skeeter. Weasley is of course best known for being eternal sidekick to Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and champion of the wizarding world, but on this particular evening it is, in a historic first, Weasley's own name in the spotlight. Upon departing a pub on the outskirts of Diagon, Weasley is said to have caught sight of former Snatcher and Greyback apostle Amias Sterling, ultimately giving chase. After a bit of dueling, Weasley and Potter apprehended Sterling inside a tavern that seems to have been a front for dark artifacts and illicit narcotics.

Weasley, who was injured by a blast from Sterling's associates, declined an interview, though his fiancée, also out and about for a hen do this evening, was summoned to the scene. Little could be heard from their exchange upon arrival, but Parkinson, wearing a custom set of sequin robes and a crown of phalluses, was spotted tending to her future husband's wounds.

"At first I thought this whole thing was a total sham and we were only getting sauced for a laugh," said Milicent Bulstrode, "but now I think maybe Weasley can legitimately get it. In fairness, Pansy's had quite a lot of Ogden's."

"You love to see it," contributed Tracey Davis fondly, adjusting her BRIDE TRIBE sash.

"I thought this interview was supposed to be about crime," said Amias Sterling, recent arrestee. "How am I supposed to know if they're serving quail at the reception?"

… feel differently now that my son the war hero is a hero once again! I believe you've spoken before about 'social credentials,' have you not? Of course, I'm aware you must assign value to other things, though I can't possibly think what; given the way Pansy is unemployed and has never contributed anything to the world or to society in any way…

… so adorable that he should have any sort of profession. A job, how quaint! The pressure of bearing a name like ours can be so deeply stressful, it's lovely that he has a hobby. What a relief, too, that he can accomplish anything without Harry Potter's assistance! You must be so very proud, and I am speaking of course of Ronald, who is one of your sons, in case perhaps you had forgotten which…

We can never do that again.

Agreed.

If you tell anyone I'll kill you.

I'll kill myself, believe me.

It was just the one time.

Yes.

Good.

Forgotten.

Absolutely.

Though it wasn't terrible, was it?

Shut up.

Right. Well, I'm sure this will all be over soon enough, and then we'll never have to speak again.

Of course.

Good.

Excellent.

Quite.

Apropos of nothing, what are you doing later?

You have wedding things for me to do, I take it?

Yes. Wedding things. Good idea.

WEDDING REHEARSAL ENDS IN TEARS, EXTENSIVE PROPERTY DAMAGE, DISSOLUTION OF HIGH-PROFILE BETROTHAL

A sad day for love indeed, writes social correspondent Rita Skeeter, as the saga that has been the Parkinson-Weasley wedding comes to an end this evening. Always an unlikely match, it is now perhaps fair to say that everyone involved expected this to end badly, and none could be disappointed by the results. A mix of charmed birds, bat-bogeys, accusations, and fists, this is one dinner not soon to be forgotten.

"Obviously we're devastated," said Ron Weasley, hands clasped with his former intended. "But it's become quite clear that neither our families nor our previous partners are quite ready for our love."

"It is with heavy hearts that we announce our official separation," added Pansy Parkinson somberly. "We do hope that one day, there will be a world where families like ours are not drawn into such terrible conflict."

Indeed, this reporter is deeply saddened to lose the entertainment that has been this unlikely affair. However, there is a light on the horizon! With Malfoy and Granger at each other's throats and Potter and Nott coming to blows this evening amid the reckoning between the Parkinsons and Weasleys, it appears there will be no peace anytime soon.

… SO ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED I NEARLY DIED OF SHAME. IT IS A RELIEF TO KNOW WE HAVE NOTHING FURTHER TO SAY TO ONE ANOTHER. THOUGH BEFORE I GO, ALLOW ME TO ASSURE YOU THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BLOOD AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH YOU BEING A MISERABLE, CONNIVING LITTLE…

… any remaining costs and leave it at that. I must say, Molly, I'm disappointed you've managed such a poor showing, but of course it's no surprise. A return to the normality of your absence will be a marvelous reprieve, and it is with great pleasure that I look forward to a lifetime of never speaking to you again…

Hungry?

Starved. Why?

Thought we could get dinner.

What, like a date?

Sure. If you want to call it that.

You want to date me? Weasley, you poor thing. I thought this was just about getting back at our exes and ruining our mothers' lives.

It was. But now it's not.

Interesting. So what's it about now?

I don't know. You?

Seems unlikely. Sex?

That works.

Such a dirty boy you are.

So you're in?

Why not? See you in an hour.

Excellent. Can't wait.

a/n: Can you believe that despite three million words of fanfic, I've somehow escaped having to give Pansy's father a name until now? I couldn't either—but now, at last, we can all rest.