Masters of Ink

Pairing: Dramione (Draco x Hermione), Nottpott (Theo x Harry)

Universe: muggle AU

Rating: T

Summary: Olivie Advent cont'd.

Prompts: 1) Theo on a TV game show; 2) Ink Master AU. If you've never seen Ink Master, it's a reality show in which tattoo artists compete in a series of artistic challenges, and it's my favorite thing. Tragically, this is not as absurd as my usual reality shows. Try not to be devastated.

Lee Voiceover: "Welcome back to Ink Master! This week, the final ten competitors will compete for a feature in Inked Magazine along with the grand prize of $100,000."

[Footage rolls of the final ten competitors: Hermione Granger, wearing a demure set of oversized glasses with curls piled on her head. Latin script is interwoven with ivy in ink along her forearms. Parvati Patil, with long plaits and a neck tattoo of delicate lilies stretching up to her throat. Lavender Brown, with a crescent moon tattooed beside her eye and her signature bandage dresses, revealing celestial black-and-grey artwork that traverses her thighs. Pansy Parkinson, who flips her long hair over one shoulder and arches a brow at the camera. Her tattoos are vibrantly colored, most of them arranged like jewelry. Daphne Greengrass, wearing a crop top and black jeans, smiles serenely. Her tattoos are largely hidden, though she has a dagger stabbing a rose on her inner arm. Harry Potter, in a short-sleeved button down patterned with lightning bolts buttoned to his neck, shrugs amiably at the camera. His arms are patterned with a cohesive sleeve design involving imagery of flight, castles, dragons, and armor. Theo Nott flips the camera off, detailed runes on his fingers filling the screen. Draco Malfoy folds both arms over his chest, emphasizing the tattooed dragon and family crest on his forearms. Blaise Zabini cracks his knuckles, winking. His tattoos are minimalistic and geometric, his clothing fashionable and high-end. Neville Longbottom brushes his shoulder off in a way that was clearly posed by the producers, apprehensively fingering the line of one hipster suspender. A sword stretches up the inside of his left arm.]

[Stock footage of New York City plays over a hard rock guitar riff as the judges, Sirius Black, Minerva McGonagall, and Remus Lupin, all enter the warehouse for the flash challenge.]

Lee: "Welcome, artists! This week, your subject is: Adaptability."

[Camera shows Draco smiling thinly at Hermione before cutting to Pansy's interview.]

Pansy: "Adaptability is just being able to do everything that comes your way. Hard canvas, easy canvas, light skin, dark skin, any artistic style…" [Shrug.] "Everything comes down to adaptability."

[Cuts back to Lee.]

Lee: "This week, each person will be creating a design for someone on the other team to tattoo."

[Camera pans to Theo grinning broadly before cutting to his interview.]

Theo: "I'd like to see Granger be adaptable. Or Potter, for that matter. The guy's got one trick."

[Cut to Hermione interview.]

Hermione: "This would be a fun challenge if I were back at my home shop, but I'm pretty sure the other team is going to try to trip us up somehow. I wouldn't put it past them."

[Scene cuts to the Slytherin and Gryffindor teams whispering on opposite sides of the room.]

Harry: "Look, we already know Malfoy's a front runner, but he only does that fine line black-and-grey bullshit. Let's give 'em something big, something color."

[Cut to Parvati interview.]

Parvati: "Potter's clearly shooting himself in the foot, but it wouldn't be the first time. I guarantee we'll have to do our own designs later, and right now Potter's drawing a twelve-hour back tattoo for Nott to do in six hours."

[Footage shows Harry drawing an enormous photorealistic lion as the camera cuts over to the Slytherin team.]

Draco: "Obviously we should do this smart. We know Lavender's going to do the same girly watercolor shit every time—"

Pansy, lips pursed: "Watch out for Neville. He got us last week."

[Cut to Neville interview.]

Neville, cheerfully: "My philosophy is why make enemies? I just want to support my team."

[Cut to Daphne interview.]

Daphne: "Sure, we're all on teams now, but eventually it's every man for himself. By which I mean every woman for herself."

[Footage cuts to the artists at work.]

Daphne, brightly: "How's it going, Blaise?"

Blaise: "Not very fucking well, Daph."

Daphne: "Oh nooooo!"

[Draco walks by Hermione and pauses.]

Draco: "Let me guess, another lion, Granger?"

[Across the room, Harry looks up from his drawing with a frown.]

Hermione, without looking up: "Can you quit running your mouth, Malfoy? Just shut up for five seconds."

[Cut to Pansy interview.]

Pansy: "There's been some definite tension in the house lately. Some of it good, some of it gross."

[Cuts back to Hermione and Draco.]

Draco: "No need to be so testy, Granger. Nervous?"

Hermione: "About you? Please. I think we've all seen enough mandalas to last the whole competition."

Draco: "Whatever, Granger. You don't get to stay up all night studying like you did for pin-up day this time."

[Cut to Hermione interview.]

Hermione, clearly apprehensive: "Malfoy? No, I'm—I'm not worried, no. I mean—" [She hesitates.] "No, it's fine. I'm fine. I've read all the books, so—" [Nervous laugh.] "As long as it's not like, a Japanese Hannya mask or something. Those have a lot of specific rules and take years to really do properly, and—" [A pause.] "Oh god."

[Footage cuts to the canvases being introduced as the artists swap drawings. Hermione's design, drawn by Draco, is an intricate Hannya mask that is clearly tripping her up. Theo's, drawn by Harry, is a photorealistic lion. Harry's, drawn by Blaise, is an illustrated snake and skull.]

Harry, muttering to himself: "Seriously? Hasn't this been done?"

[Cut to Blaise interview.]

Blaise: "Yes. It has. But Potter's got a weird thing with anatomy. Also, the guy can pull a clean line, but can he shade?" [A pause.] "Well, I don't know, maybe." [A frown.] "Personally, I think he's cheating."

[Footage of the artists tattooing. Hermione is visibly frustrated as footage cuts to her interview.]

Hermione, distressed: "My canvas is extremely sensitive. His leg keeps twitching and it's screwing up my lines."

[Footage shows Draco walking by as Hermione pauses tattooing.]

Draco, gleefully: "How's it going, Granger?"

Hermione: "Jump off a bridge, Malfoy."

[Theo walks by and observes Harry's tattoo, frowning.]

Theo: "Potter, I think you're missing something."

Harry: "Whatever, Nott."

Theo: "Maybe somewhere around the… mouth? Is that a mouth?"

Harry: "Nott, I'm busy."

Theo: "Seriously. Is that a worm?"

Harry, irritably: "Fuck off."

[Cut to Harry interview.]

Harry, head in his hands: "Fuck. I fucking forgot teeth."

[Cuts back to footage as the artists wrap up their tattoos. Harry wipes down his finished product and from afar, Theo is smirking. The snake now has a pair of adequately sized fangs. Elsewhere, Hermione is forcing a smile as she and her canvas part ways. She is obviously unhappy, and Draco walks by, hesitating.]

Draco: "Granger—"

Hermione, sighing loudly: "Malfoy, I can't do this right now, I don't have time f-"

Draco, interrupting: "It was a tough canvas. Just… fight for it, yeah?"

Hermione, glaring at him: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Draco: "If you get sent to the bottom—"

Hermione, viciously: "Fuck you, Malfoy—"

Draco, impatiently: "—I said if you get sent to the bottom, just… fight for it. You're good, okay? Just… don't get defeated before you even have to defend yourself."

[Hermione's expression softens momentarily, but then she's on her guard again. Elsewhere, Harry is pointedly not looking at Theo, who sets his jaw and turns away. Another few clips of New York and slow motion tattoo guns fly by as the footage cuts to the judging portion, where each artist steps forward as their tattoo is displayed on the screen.]

[Theo is first as the judges critique his work.]

Minerva: "This lion got away from you a bit, I think. It has a slightly unfinished look to it."

Remus: "Still, you can see the complexity of the drawing, and as far as the overall feel… I'd wear that, for sure."

Sirius: "I agree, I think it's a great tattoo. Not perfect, which is a problem since we're down to the final ten, but it's very cool. Very different from what we're used to seeing."

[Theo says nothing, pointedly not looking at Harry as he resumes his spot and Draco is called forward.]

Minerva: "It's a great tattoo, but we've been seeing a lot of the same from you. If you're going to be Ink Master, you're going to have to branch outside your comfort zone."

Draco, mouth tight with disagreement: "Understood."

[Cuts to Draco interview.]

Draco: "Whatever. What does she know?" [A pause, and then quietly:] "Fuck."

[Camera shows Hermione's face, expressionless. Harry is called forward.]

Sirius: "Now this is an amazing tattoo. That snake looks totally fierce."

Remus: "I agree, it's really tough. Plus those lines are super clean."

Minerva: "This is great. Definitely a surprise from you!"

[Behind Harry, Theo glances at his feet, setting his jaw.]

Sirius: "I'm going with Harry for tattoo of the day."

Remus: "Me too."

Minerva: "Harry it is! Congratulations Team Gryffindor, who will now have the opportunity to decide to send one person from Team Slytherin down for elimination."

[Footage cuts to Team Gryffindor meeting in private.]

Parvati: "Okay, so, we're here to decide on who had the worst tattoo from Team Slytherin."

Lavender, lips pursed: "I really didn't like Daphne's rose. Neville's drawing was way more intricate. I don't know why the judges didn't like it."

Neville, troubled: "What about Pansy's galaxy tattoo?"

Parvati: "But we need someone who can—no offense, Hermione—but someone who did worse than the Hannya mask."

Lavender, jumping in: "Daphne's lines are cleaner than Hermione's, and the judges seemed to like Pansy's galaxy more than Neville's surrealism tattoo. We have to send someone down who can lose, right? And Theo's was spotty, definitely—"

Harry, firmly: "Not Nott."

Lavender: "But—"

Harry: "Not his."

[Cut to Harry interview.]

Harry, fiercely: "What?"

[Cut back to discussion.]

Parvati, frowning: "Nott's probably going down to the bottom anyway."

Harry, aggressively: "Right. So let's pick someone else."

[The others exchange a glance before Hermione speaks.]

Hermione: "I vote we send Draco's down."

[The room is taken aback in unison.]

Neville, stunned: "What? But his execution of Lavender's drawing was nearly perfect."

Hermione: "Yeah, but the challenge was adaptability. He didn't adapt. I did."

[The others consider this information as the footage shifts to their return to the house. Theo pulls Harry aside angrily.]

Theo: "Listen you motherfucker, if it weren't for me—"

[He is cut off as Harry shoves him. Theo tenses, bracing for a fight, but then Harry pulls him out of sight. There's a muffled sound and Harry's voice is barely audible.]

Harry: "Thank you."

[More muffled sounds.]

Theo, whispering: "Shitbag."

Harry: "Say it like you mean it, Nott."

Theo, huskily: "Fuck you."

[The muffled sounds continue as the footage cuts out. Later, Lee enters the house, expectant.]

Lee: "Who has Team Gryffindor chosen to send down for elimination?"

[Harry, who is sitting beside Theo, rises to his feet.]

Harry: "Team Gryffindor is sending… Draco."

[Again, the room looks stunned, especially Draco.]

Lee: "Alright, then we'll see the following artists in the bottom for elimination: Draco, Hermione, Theo, and Neville."

[Theo sets his jaw, glancing at Harry, who offers a single reassuring nod. Theo rises to his feet and follows as Hermione, Draco, and Neville all make their way down, Hermione and Draco pointedly not speaking.]

Lee: "Alright artists, so why did Team Gryffindor choose to send Draco down to the bottom?"

Hermione: "We just feel he's been doing a lot of the same work. Everyone else here did something different from their usual, but Draco didn't bother showing much adaptability."

Sirius: "That's true. If the theme of the day is adaptability, then Draco's is in the bottom for sure."

Remus: "Still, is it worse than Hermione's tattoo? Those lines are shaky."

Minerva: "Yes, but she still adapted enough to alter her technique. The outline isn't perfect, but is it worse than the other three?"

Sirius: "Well, if we're going technical—"

Minerva: "Neville's is the bottom for me, unfortunately."

Remus: "Yeah, mine too."

[Footage cuts to Neville exit interview.]

Neville, cheerfully: "Well, that was a bummer, but at least I did my best."

[Footage shifts as Lee voiceover plays.]

Lee: "Stay tuned for next week's episode of Ink Master!

[Cut to future montage: Hermione and Draco are fighting.]

Draco: "—can't believe you threw me under the bus like that—"

Hermione: "You told me to fight, so I did!"

Draco: "I didn't mean you should send me home!"

Hermione: "Well, you know what, Malfoy? If it comes down to a choice between you and me, I choose me!"

Draco, outraged: "Fuck, I hate you."

Hermione, red-faced: "I hate you more!"

[They kiss passionately as footage shifts to Blaise and Theo.]

Blaise: "Is anyone in this house not fucking?"

[Daphne looks up from where she's perched on Pansy's lap as Lavender toys with Parvati's hair. Harry walks out from one of the bedrooms shirtless, glances at Theo, cocks his head, and walks away.]

Theo: "Dunno, man. Gotta go, though."

[Blaise frowns at the camera as footage cuts to end credits.]

a/n: TURNS OUT a one-shot is not enough to do remotely anything with, but here, I tried my best. Also, for anyone else who watches the show, let me just say on a personal note: Chris Nuñez can totally get it. It's those disapproving vibes.