Eorwyn returned to her room and sat heavily on her bed. She'd walked briskly to the apprentice halls, and now her heart was beating frantically. It took almost an hour - filled with her mind thrashing, and her jumping to her feet, making a circle around the room, and then sitting back onto her bed - for her to finally calm down. She had to remind herself several times that she was safe now, and to her utter surprise all her troubles, which just this morning had seemed so horrifying and overwhelming, were now over. The question of the Man from her past had been solved. Her association with the King hadn't suffered from him finding out about it. She now only had to wait and the Man would disappear completely out of her life.
And her betrothal to the King was to be announced now - her betrothal to Thorin, she corrected in her mind. She still had difficulty calling him by his name even in her thoughts; it would take much longer to even attempt to say it to him with ease - as pleasant as it would be. Thorin… He was still 'the King' to her; 'my lord,' sometimes pronounced respectfully, sometimes in flirtation. She didn't think she'd called him 'Thorin' more than twice or thrice in an everyday conversation by now, but perhaps in the privacy of his rooms? Her thoughts turned to the events of the previous night. Blood rushed to her cheeks, and she had to concede that she had indeed pronounced his name several times. She'd breathed it out, she'd moaned it out, and once she'd as much as cried it out. It was during their second union, his body weighed on hers, the most delicious heft… and she arched and stretched her arms above her head, and he thrust especially deeply. A wave of some sort of intense current went through her body, originating in her centre, flushing through her, making her spine feel as if struck by lightning, and she couldn't hold back the scream. Eorwyn rushed to the basin on her vanity and splashed cold water on her face. It must have been the anguish of that morning, in that small room in Dale, seeing that Man again - the events of the morning had afflicted her, and now all her emotions were in disarray.
Eorwyn sat back on her bed and closed her eyes. She needed to bring her matters to order - and she would start with her thoughts. She took a few measured, calming breaths, and made a mental inventory of her affairs. To think of it, she had little to worry about now. She just needed to wait for the King to send for her. She'd return to his study, she would pass the information about the Man to him - and she would never think about it again - and then they would discuss the announcement. And by the end of today she would be Master Eorwyn, the betrothed of King Thorin Oakenshield.
Panic rose, and her hands shook. She would be the King's betrothed! Everything would change! And most likely, in the eyes of every Dwarf - even those who'd treated her with respect or even cordially - she would become an undeserving usurper! And even more terrifying thought came: her friends would treat her differently! Ada and Nis - would they judge? Would they change towards her? She could lose the only two friends she'd ever had!
Suddenly breathing became hard. Some strange ringing filled her ears, and she flailed her arms and rolled off the bed. She could hardly see anything, some sort of darkness clouded her vision, and she gulped air with an open mouth. A gurgling noise erupted from her throat.
"Eorwyn!" she heard a voice, and she scrambled, clawing at the stone floor. "Eorwyn!"
A pair of strong hands picked her up, and she squeezed her eyes and then forced them to open. Ada's face was in front of her.
"Eorwyn, what's the matter?" The girl sounded terrified. "Why are you on the floor?"
"I can't— I can't— breathe—" Eorwyn gasped, and jerked, and grabbed a handful of her dress on the front.
"Wait, wait! Let me—" Ada rushed to Eorwyn's table and grabbed the knife Eorwyn used for cutting bread.
Ada dropped on her knees, Eorwyn guessed her movement more than heard or saw it - and then she heard the lacing on her dress get sliced. The ribbon ripped, and the corset creaked. Eorwyn fell ahead, her palms pressing into the floor, and coughed, her whole body quaking and her back arching.
"What is going on? What can I—" Ada's hand lay on Eorwyn's shoulder, and then she gathered Eorwyn's hair. "If you're vomiting, do you want a basin?"
Eorwyn shook her head.
"It's alright, alright. Just breathe." Ada rubbed Eorwyn's back between her shoulder blades. "Just breathe… Maybe some water?"
"No, no… I'm alright now… I'll be— Just a moment."
"I heard the noise," Ada said. "Thought you choked on your meal, or something..."
Eorwyn rocked and sat awkwardly on her backside. Ada let go of her hair and leaned closer.
"You're white as sheet, little bird. Are you— ill?"
Eorwyn once again shook her head. "It's alright… I just— I think I just had a— I don't know what happened."
"To me it looked like a 'constriction,' Eorwyn," Ada said softly. "It's when fear takes you over, but there's no reason for fear. Warriors have them in times of peace. And others who'd endured terrors or tortures."
The girl's voice was uncharacteristically serious, and Eorwyn finally managed to focus on her face.
"Is this… something that happens to others?" Eorwyn asked in disbelief. "I thought there was something wrong with my lungs. I've had these fits for so long..."
"They aren't fits, Eorwyn. It's your mind being flooded with terror. My sister's betrothed came back with these from the War for Moria. He'd been in the tunnels."
Eorwyn didn't know what it meant to 'be in the tunnels' but Ada's words were a revelation! She'd always thought she was either ill with some lung disease, or sometimes she wondered if her affliction was just a sign of her losing her mind.
"Did something happen today?" Ada asked in the same kind tone. "Did something upset you?"
"I—" Eorwyn knew not what to answer. "Something did, but then I received good news, but— it's such big news, and I just don't know what I think, and how—" She took a shuddered breath.
"You can talk to us, you know? Nis and me. We will always help you." The maiden's face lit up with a warm smile, and she rubbed Eorwyn's shoulder comfortingly. "I know I'm not the brightest of us three, and Nis always says that I'm preoccupied with trifle matters, and that I— you know... but I can still listen."
Eorwyn's throat clenched painfully, and she threw her arms around Ada's neck and hid her face into the girl's hair.
"Thank you, Ada," she exhaled. "I've never had a friend like you… Thank you."
Ada patted her back and then tightened the embrace.
"I— I wish I could tell you everything," Eorwyn whispered. "I wish—"
"You can!" Ada answered. "I promise your secret will be safe with me."
"It's not a secret… Not for much longer, at least," Eorwyn muttered and moved away. "It's just that— Soon everyone will know, and I just can't imagine what it will be like. And— I just—"
Ada studied her face. "Have you done something wrong, little bird? Are you in trouble?"
"No, no, I didn't. At least not in my eyes, or— But I fear people will not see it this way, and—" Eorwyn pushed her hands into her hair and pulled. "I just wish it were easier. Simpler!"
Ada chuckled. "You aren't making any sense."
Eorwyn so very desperately wanted to just blurt it all out! What if it wouldn't be the end of the world? What if Ada... understood?
"Remember the conversation we had?" Eorwyn said tentatively. "About the Dwarf whom I— Whom I am to be betrothed to?"
"Of course I do! What of him?" Ada said greedily.
"Soon, very soon it'll be announced, and—" Eorwyn sighed. "I'm fearful."
"Oh don't be! I know Erebor Dwarves aren't that open towards such marriages as the Eastern folk, but they will come around. And we're living close to Dale! More of these will happen!"
"Aye, but—"
"And besides, it's you we're talking about!" Ada interrupted. "You're known in Erebor! Respected! You're Master Svuir's apprentice. You can marry any Dwarf, and people will accept your choice!"
"Will they?" Eorwyn muttered with doubt in her voice.
"Of course they will!" Ada dismissed it with a wave of her hand.
Eorwyn did want to believe Ada - but she didn't. It wasn't even that she didn't trust the Dwarven maiden's judgement, but Ada simply didn't know the gravity of Eorwyn's situation. Ada was a merry girl, unburdened and optimistic. Eorwyn had never possessed any of such qualities. She sighed mournfully.
"Is there something else, little bird?" Ada asked with sincere concern. "Is there something about it you aren't telling us? You seem so preoccupied!" She once again searched Eorwyn's face. "Is he— is he spoken for? Are you waiting for an annulment of his previous association? Because it wouldn't be that awful. It happens."
Eorwyn shook her head.
"Is he—" Ada gave it a thought. "Oh Mahal, is he a she? I know we jested about beards, but is it a woman? Because so you know, we aren't those Western zealots! Everyone is free to love anyone they want here!"
"No, he is a he," Eorwyn said. "He is… of high stature, and his family— I just worry many will not approve—"
"Of course he is of high stature, but so are you now! And it matters not! It's a person's skills and talents and whether two people love each other that must dictate whether they should be together." Ada's tone was dismissive. "And what if he's of an old family and of high stature? He chose you, and you chose him. In this case even the King can't prohibit such love!"