EraserCurt (Part II)

In one week, Curt's outlook had completely changed. With Lindsay's help, he had managed to completely turn his situation around, and now, both he and Kevin were sleeping better and he was no longer stressed.

Now eager to show Kevin off to the world, Curt found himself sitting in a booth at the Roost, surrounded by Penny, Cheri and Sally. His hair was cut short again and he was wearing an ugly sweater vest.

"...And then he did the cutest thing," Curt began, "He looked at the toy for a second, shook his head and threw it aside."

"Awww," said Penny, "He's so smart!"

"And beautiful," said Cheri, pinching Kevin's cheeks, "I've never seen anything so cute!"

"What can I say?" Curt chuckled, "He inherited his father's looks."

Curt and the women shared a laugh.

"If ever you need a babysitter," Cheri began, "You can always let me know!"

"Same here!" said Sally.

From afar, the rest of the gang watched Curt.

"Still can't believe it," said CJ, "He's like a changed man!"

"Yeah," said Sakura, "How did you do it Linds?"

"For starters," Lindsay began, "We changed the cheap formula he was giving to Kevin for a better one. Then, I showed Curt some good books on parenting that he could invest in. Finally, I managed to convince Curt that being a dad isn't a job, but an experience. Once he came to accept that, he got a lot better!"

"Well," said CJ, "I'm happy for him. I just hope he doesn't take it too far with the dad jokes."

Meanwhile, Curt stood up and prepared to leave.

"Sorry ladies," he began, "But I better put Kevin to bed."

"Awww," said Sally, "He must look so cute when he's sleeping!"

"He sure does," Curt laughed, "See you later!"

"Bye Kevin," the three ladies said at once.

As Curt approached the exit, he was intercepted by Cupcake.

"Fancy meeting you here, Curtis," she said, "Word on the street is you have yourself an adorable baby boy."

"Yup," said Curt, holding Kevin up with pride, "His name's Kevin and he's really special to me."

"My, my," said Cupcake, as she wagged her finger in Kevin's face, "He truly is something. You know, I absolutely adore children. Do you think perhaps I can have a self-portrait with him?"

"I don't see why not."

Cupcake and Curt huddled together while Cupcake snapped a picture of the three of them with her phone.

"My thanks," she said, pocketing her phone, "But I must be off. Ta-ta!"

"Huh," said Curt, as he observed Cupcake leaving, "That's weird. She entered, but didn't order anything? Oh well. How about you and I head home for nappy time, hm?"

Kevin giggled.

After leaving the Roost, Cupcake ran all the way to Cookie's house.

"You're back?" said Cookie, who was at her computer, "Did you get the shot like I asked?"

"Indeed I did," Cupcake replied.

"Hurry, show me!"

Cupcake went over to where Cookie sat and held up her phone. Cookie immediately opened her cousin's Facebook page.

"Stupid Daisy blocked me after our fight last year," she said, "Too bad she forgot about all my alt accounts, ha!"

"Which you used for Farmville, if I recall," said Cupcake.

After searching through Daisy's photos, she found a few of her holding Kevin. She then compared the images to the photograph taken by Cupcake.

"I knew it!" Cookie exclaimed, "It's the exact same baby! That rat bastard is the father! Oooh, he's gonna get it!"

With that, Cookie stood up and ran to the kitchen.

"Where are you off to, dear?" Cupcake asked.

"Looking for a big knife," replied Cookie, "So I can flay that dumbass alive for fucking my cousin!"

"Aren't you being a tad melodramatic? Besides, if you kill Curtis, baby Kevin won't have a father."

Cookie returned to the living room.

"The hell he will!" she snapped, "I think it's time for me to step in…"

The following day, Curt played with Kevin in his crib.

"Who's my big little man?" Curt asked, "You! Yes, you are!"

Curt blew a raspberry on Kevin's tummy, causing the baby to laugh out loud.

"Aw," said Curt, "How precious! One day, when you're old enough, I'll take you to the town fountain and we'll get smashed together, maybe throw some shit at Sareena…"

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

"Coming," said Curt.

Standing at his front entrance was a male Lion and a female Hippo, both wearing business attire.

"CWS," said the Hippo, "We received a tip about a child being raised in unsafe conditions."

"CWS?" said Curt.

"Child Welfare Services," explained the Lion, "Mind if we look around?"

"Yes," said Curt, "I do mind! And who sent you, huh?"

Behind the agents stood Cookie, who glared sternly at Curt while keeping her hands on her hips, and Limberg, who simply picked his nose.

"You!" said Curt, "You reported me to Child Welfare Services? Like, what the fuck? How did you even know I had a…Damnit, Cupcake!"

"That's right," said Cookie, "There is no way I'm letting you, nor my slutty cousin, raise this kid. I'm gonna make sure he gets a good home."

"Bullshit!" snapped Curt, "You're just mad that I had sex with Daisy and are trying to get back at me!"

"Use of foul language around a minor," noted the Lion, while scribbling on his clipboard.

"The fuck?" asked Curt, "Fuck no! I don't always talk like that! I swear to fucking God!"

The agents made their way through Curt's house, examining every little thing.

"Look at this place," said the Hippo, observing the couch, "It's a mess. And, the furniture reeks of cannabis…"

"Do you smoke pot in front of your son?" demanded Cookie.

"No!" Curt insisted, "I stopped after Kevin started living here…Er, mostly. Sometimes, it helps me get to sleep when Kevin cries."

"This crib is completely unsafe," said the Lion, gripping the side of the crib, "Did you make this yourself?"

"I can't afford a real one at this time," Curt replied, "But I…"

"So," said the Hippo, "What you are saying is; you can't make ends meet? Then, how are you going to pay for Kevin's schooling?"

"That's not what I said! I have a full-time job! In fact, I work very hard!"

"So," began the Lion, "What you are saying is; you work constantly and won't be there enough for your son?"

"What? NO! God, what's wrong with you people?"

The Lion then approached a half-chopped durian sitting on the kitchen counter. He picked up a piece and smelled it, then turned his head away in disgust.

"Is this what you serve your child?" he asked, "Rotting vegetables?"

"First off," began Curt, "It's a fruit, not a vegetable. Second, it's not rotten, that's actually how it smells…"

"Sure, sure," said the Lion.

"…And no," Curt continued, "I only give Kevin this!"

Curt held up a bottle of formula, which Cookie swiped from his hand.

"What is this brand?" she demanded, "You can't give Kevin this! It's not Kosher! Why didn't Daisy leave you with something?"

"She did, actually, but I…" Curt said, "Wait, Kosher? Daisy's Jewish?"

"Long story," said Cookie.

"We've seen enough," said the Hippo, "This is no safe environment to raise a child. I'm afraid we're going to have to hand Kevin over to the state."

"NO!" Curt begged, "Please, you can't do this, he's my son!"

"If you want him back," explained the Lion, "You will have to argue your case in court. In the meantime, Kevin can't stay here."

"He will be given to his next-of-kin," said the Hippo, "Ms. Dogbreath?"

"With pleasure," said Cookie.

"How could you do this to me?" demanded Curt, "Damnit, Cookie! I'm gonna fight this until the end, you hear?"

As Curt spoke, the Hippo then removed Kevin from the crib and handed him over to Cookie. As everyone walked out of his house, Curt slumped onto his couch in despair.

"Just when I was starting to get the hang of this 'dad thing' too," he said.

Later, Curt headed behind the post office to discuss with his friends.

"I can't believe she would do something this petty," said Lindsay, "She's really sunk to a new low!"

"I have a hard time believing she actually cares for Kevin's well-being," CJ began, "This must be payback for sleeping with her cousin!"

"Doesn't matter," said Sakura, "That bitch is gonna pay! I'm about to go kick her ass!"

"Now, now," said Lindsay, "Let's not get violent. It will set a bad example for Kevin. Let's just settle this in court. Curt, have you told Daisy about this?"

"Nuh-uh," Curt replied, "No way! She'd kill me if she found out I lost her son! I wanna take care of this before she gets back."

"Don't worry," said CJ, "We will. Once the judge sees you're not such a bad person, she'll let you keep Kevin."

"True," said Curt, "Still, I should lawyer up…"

"Did somebody call for a lawyer?" said Tank, emerging from the other side of the post office.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "Like, 45 minutes ago, asshole. What took you so long?"

"Were you…Hiding back there the whole time?" asked CJ.

"Yup," replied Tank, "Wanted to time my entrance right."

"Guys," pleaded Lindsay, "I really don't think hiring Tank is a good idea – Er, no offense, Tank – Shouldn't we call someone more qualified?"

"I think Lindsay's right," said Curt, "I'm willing to dish out a bit more cash for…"

"Cash?" said Tank, "Nah, I'm doing this one pro-bono! I love kids, and nothing melts my heart more than a happy reunion between father and son."

Tank shed a single tear as he spoke.

"Well," chuckled Curt, "Can't argue with free, can I?"

"Curt," Lindsay insisted, "I still think…"

"Too late!" said Curt, shaking Tank's hand, "Tank, you're on!"

"Sweet!" said Tank, placing a marker against his forearm, "Now, can you please spell out the baby's name for me? I don't wanna mess it up in court!"

The following day, in court, an attorney representing the CWS presented his case. Cookie and Limberg were present in the crowd, with Cookie holding Kevin. The rest of the gang were present as well.

"…And what else did you find during your investigation of Mr. Townshend's house?" he asked.

"Laundry thrown about," replied the Hippo in the witness stand, "Chipped walls, shoddy flooring…"

"Objection!" yelled Tank, "Does she work for the CWS or the HHA?"

"Your honour," the attorney clarified, "If Curt is unable to maintain his home correctly, how can he expected to shelter baby Kevin?"

"Gee," said Curt, "You act like it's about to collapse at any moment!"

"Order!" cried Rhoda, while banging her gavel, "You may proceed."

"Actually," said the attorney, "That's all for now."

As the attorney took his seat, Tank stood up and strutted haughtily over to the witness stand with his head held high.

"It is to my understanding," he began, "That you gave no prior warning to Curt before showing up at his house, correct?"

"We acted on a tip," the Hippo replied, "What were we supposed to do? Give him a chance to clean up?"

"Er, you kinda got me there… Hang on!"

Tank flipped through his notes momentarily before returning to his haughty demeanor.

"Answer me this," he continued, "If Curt's house is the unsafe deathtrap you say it is, then why is it he had the HHA – Then, the HRA – conduct repairs on the house's structure months ago?"

Tank then placed the document on the witness stand.

"First of all," the Hippo began, "I never said it was a deathtrap…"

"Ah-ha!" yelled Tank, "So you admit to grossly exaggerating the condition of Curt's house in your report?"

"Objection, your honour!" cried the attorney.

"Sustained," said Rhoda.

"Damnit," muttered Tank.

"According to this," the Hippo said as she read the report, "Curt didn't call the HRA; they conducted the repairs themselves to correct a flaw they made. This doesn't prove anything, other than that Curt's house truly is a deathtrap!"

"Mr. Brittlehorn," said Rhoda, "I suggest you start presenting real evidence, otherwise, I'll have to ask you to take your seat."

"Yes ma'am," said Tank, "Er, I mean Your Honour."

Tank then sat down next to Curt, who buried his face in his hands.

Later, the attorney interrogated Copper.

"Has Mr. Townshend ever been in trouble with the law?" he asked Copper.

"Lots of times," said Copper, "Public intoxication, loitering, B&E…"

"I was cleared of that last charge!" Curt yelled, "Remember?"

"One more word out of you, Mr. Townshend," warned Rhoda, "And I'll…"

"Sorry," said Curt, "Sorry…"

"Leave the 'objection-ing' to me, alright?" chuckled Tank.

Curt shook his head and sighed.

"Hell," Copper continued, "Just last month, Booker and I found him lying face-down in the wishing well with his pants half-down. How he didn't drown before we got there is a mystery to me."

"So," said the attorney, "What you are saying is, Curt likes to live on the wild side?"

"Well," replied Copper, "He's never been formally charged with a crime or spent any considerable amount of time in prison under my watch…But, yes. He can be a bit much."

"Isn't it true that Curt is barred from entering Canada due to a past smuggling charge?"

"Er, you'd have to contact the RCMP or something, I had no idea."

The attorney then drew a copy of a stamped document which he presented to the judge.

"Let the record show," he continued, "The criminal charge that I am referring to."

There was some whispering in the crowd.

"Aw man," Curt sobbed, "I didn't think all this shit would come back to haunt me now! I'm a much better man than I was then, I swear!"

Lindsay, who was sitting in the row behind the defendant's table, leaned over and whispered something into Tank's ear.

"Order," Rhoda yelled, silencing the murmurs in the courtroom, "Order! Mr. Brittlehorn, would you like to cross-examine the current witness?"

Tank stood up and approached the floor.

"If I may your honour," he began, "I'd like to call up a new witness…Ms. Lindsay Hunter."

As Copper stepped down from the witness stand, Lindsay took his place.

"What is your relationship to my defendant?" Tank asked her.

"I'm his friend," Lindsay replied, "I've known him for nearly three years, since he and the rest of my friends first arrived in Hell together."

"Would you say he and you are 'tight'?"

"Objection!" yelled the attorney.

"Er," said Tank, "What I meant to say is; you guys are all close, correct?"

"Mm-hm," Lindsay replied, "A lot of the things that were said about him today are true; he is a bit messy, he is a procrastinator, and he has had trouble with the law. But I will tell you one thing he isn't – A quitter. When Curt first found out he had a child, he didn't run away or disown their child like some deadbeat fathers do. He took it upon himself to raise Kevin the best he could, despite his lack of resources."

"I see," said Tank, "And do you believe Curt is capable of improving as a father?"

"I know he is," Lindsay continued, "He was a wreck when the first week, but after I gave him some tips, his bond with Kevin grew stronger than I could have ever imagined. He still has a long way to go, but as long as he has us by his side, he can accomplish anything!"

Everyone in the courtroom was moved to tears by Lindsay's speech.

"Thanks for that rousing speech," said Tank, blowing his nose, "Nothing further, your honour."

"Well," said Rhoda, "Ms. Hunter makes a valid point. Considering that his friends all live in close proximity and are willing to step up in the event something happens, then I have no reason to fear that any harm will come to Kevin. Consider yourself lucky that you have friends like these willing to vouch for you, Mr. Townshend."

"Oh," said Curt, "I do!"

"With that," continued Rhoda, as she raised her gavel, "I have no choice but to…"

Just then, the courtroom doors burst open and Daisy came charging in, along with a Human male companion.

"STOP!" she yelled, "Stop the trial! Curt isn't the father! Jack is!"

The crowd gasped in shock at the sudden turn of events.

"What is the meaning of this?" demanded Rhoda.

"Here," said Daisy, handing a folder to the judge, "It's Jack's paternity test, proving that he is, indeed, Kevin's father."

Rhoda put on some reading glasses and glanced through the folder.

"It's true," she said.

"Also," said Daisy, handing Rhoda another document, "I've completed my twelve steps. I'm now officially sober!"

"Well," said Rhoda, "In that case, I'm awarding custody to Kevin's biological parents. Case closed."

Rhoda banged her gavel one last time and stood up. As everyone in the courtroom began to disperse, Curt stared in shock at what just transpired.

"So you're not the father, huh?" said Tank, "Not gonna lie; it sucks that I did all this for nothing. But hey, at least you're a free man again! Let's celebrate with some drinks later. Though it's on you, cause this case pretty much bankrupted me. Later!"

With that, Tank left the courtroom. Curt sighed and made his way over to Daisy, who had just reclaimed Kevin from Cookie.

"I still can't believe you tried taking Kevin from me!" she snapped, "Are you really that jealous of me?"

"Oh, fuck off!" cried Cookie, "How did you even know about the trial, huh?"

"Duh, Facebook!"

"But I blocked you!"

"Uh, we both played Farmville, remember?"

"Grrr! This isn't over, you hear?"

"Actually, it is. You can send the CWS to our place all you want, but they aren't gonna find anything. We'll be ready for you, bitch!"

"Hmph! Let's go Limberg!"

"Nice, uh, seeing you again," Limberg said to Daisy.

As Cookie and Limberg stormed off, Curt approached Daisy.

"All this time," he began, "You lied to me?"

"I didn't lie," Daisy said, "I thought for sure Kevin was your son. Jack and I had sex a week before I came to Hell to visit, but he had told me he used a condom!"

"Turns out you can't reuse 'em," Jack lamented, "Who knew?"

"Gross," said Curt, "So that means I won't be seeing Kevin anymore, then?"

"Not necessarily," said Daisy, "Jack and I bought a new apartment in New Salzburg and I can text you the address in case you ever wanna visit."

"You mean it?" asked Curt.

"We kinda owe you for raising our son for the last couple of weeks," said Jack, "So whenever you're free, just stop by for a chat."

"Oh," said Curt, "I definitely will!"

"Here," said Daisy, holding Kevin up to Curt, "Wanna say goodbye to him?"

"Hey little man," said Curt, "I guess that's it, huh? But we had some fun times, didn't we? Don't forget to give me a call when you're older, okay?"

Curt then lightly pinched Kevin's nose, causing the baby to laugh.

"Yeah," said Curt, "He likes it when you do that."

Daisy chuckled, "Thanks for everything, Curt. See you around!"

Curt waved goodbye to Kevin one last time as the couple left the courtroom. Once all was said and done, the rest of the gang approached him.

"It sucks, you know?" he said to them, "I was actually starting to enjoy being a dad."

"I hear ya," said CJ, "At least now, you'll be better prepared for when you get an actual kid!"

"I guess so," said Curt, "But I really liked Kevin. He and I shared a bond!"

"Eh," said Sakura, "Life is never fair. But look at the bright side of things. At least you're not bound to that slut, Daisy, anymore. She's out of your life for good now!"

"That's right," added Lindsay, "Your next child will be with a woman you actually love!"

"And hopefully, you'll be more careful what you stick your dick into from now on!" laughed Sakura.

"True, true," said Curt, "Oh well…What say we head to the Roost? I owe Tank a beer."

"Sure thing!" said CJ.

"With friends like him," began Curt, "Who needs kids, right?"

The gang chuckled as they left the courthouse and headed out for drinks. And that ends another episode, but as always, stick around for more!