Happy Holidays!
"This way, darling." Mettaton grabbed her arm steering her back toward the labs.
"It smelled like a bakery." Alanna said remembering the sweet smell that had clung to everything. She had been too busy worrying about the spiders to really analyze the strange smells. "And she was unnerving." She added following Mettaton toward the lab.
"Alanna," Cooper's voice sounded from behind her causing her to jump the smallest bit, "I've been looking for you."
She turned around, hearing an interested sound from Mettaton as he took in the new guest in the underground. She could almost feel the cogs in his head turning. Cooper had been walking up from behind them, though she was sure that he had not been there a few seconds ago.
"Yeah," she said sheepishly. "Sorry my plans were waylaid by a certain robot superstar."
"You had plans with him?" Mettaton asked casually putting an arm around her shoulder.
"Well...I told him where I would be."
Cooper stopped a small ways away from them. "It was a good thing too. I need to speak to you about something." His eyes cut to Mettaton. "Alone."
"Oh, I see." Mettaton said before turning her slightly toward him. "I'll go ahead and drop your things off. Do be careful darling." He added pressing a cold kiss to her cheek. The smile that sprang to his face was positively feral. "Nice to have seen you, Copper."
"Cooper," Alanna corrected. Mettaton shrugged lightly.
"I'm sorry, it's dreadfully hard for me to keep up with every fan's name." With that he swaggered away a few steps before rocketing toward Snowdin. Alanna watched after him for a moment her hands playing with her new cloak.
"What's up?" She asked turning back to Cooper. He watched Mettaton rocket away until he was only a speck of light in the distance. He looked back to her with an utterly serious look.
"Alanna, who are your parents?"
"Marie and Michael Ledbetter." She answered confused. "Why?"
"What are your parents?" He asked still completely serious.
Alanna paused really looking at him. "They're human. Like Frisk. That's all there is on the surface."
"They couldn't…" He paused for a moment. "What do you know of your ancestry?"
Alanna thought for a moment then sighed. "Not much. I've never really met any other family members. We moved around so much I hardly had time to make friends, let alone meet any family." She tilted her head slightly. "I've never even met my grandparents. But maybe they already died, ya know?"
He scratched his forehead and sighed. "Why can't it ever be easy to figure out answers?" He asked himself sounding annoyed. "Okay, Bubbles." Alanna glared at the nickname. "I'm just going to ask this. Do you know what you truly are?"
"What…" Alanna asked trying to wrap her head around the question. "What do you mean? I'm a human with some monster powers. Alphys said something about me being a natural hybrid but never really talked about it after. So I'm guessing I'm a human with some monster powers because way down the line someone in my family loved a monster."
"Not just far down the line. You are a perfect hybrid. A perfect spawn of Human and Monster." He had begun to circle Alanna, which made her feel slightly unsafe. She felt her magic rear up and watched her dress and cloak begin to glow. "You should be impossible by most scientific standards. Well, by lesser scientific standards."
"So what if I'm part monster?" She asked trying to keep herself calm. "I'm sure before the barrier was erected there were plenty. But if you're suggesting one of my parents cheated on the other with something that doesn't exist aboveground you're wrong." She hated being circled. Something about it made her feel like prey.
"Hybrids don't survive birth. I have never seen record of one living." Cooper stopped as he reached the other side of her. She wasn't comfortable still. In fact she was getting a little angry. "That's it!" He looked as if he had just figured something out. "That is why he is after you." He looked to Alanna meeting her gaze. "I guess they aren't all that different after all." He didn't actually seem to be looking at her. More through her.
"If they don't survive birth then I'm not a hybrid." Alanna took a small step back. "What do you mean 'after me'?" She asked taking a step back. "Cooper, where did all this come from?"
Cooper focused back on her. "Hybrids are not impossible. They can still happen."
"You just said there was no record. Don't monsters live a really long time?" She asked taking a small step back.
He sighed. "There are those who tend to try and make the impossible possible." Cooper fully faced Alanna making her stomach twist slightly. "I am the result of such madness. A fusion of Human and Monster souls."
"So...we're the same." Alanna could remember the way his soul had looked. Like two different things fused together in the middle. That was kind of like her strange gradient soul. But she also remembered the coldness in his voice as he spoke about being created to destroy. Not born. Created. Who could create someone like Cooper? How could you create anyone? "You're like me. Is that why you came back?"
Cooper froze for a moment. "That's not it. It isn't the only reason." He shook his head as if he were trying to dispel something. "We are not exactly the same. I'm just a fusion. Two souls bound together to form one. You are one being. A perfect combination."
"But...you are one being." Alanna said quietly. "You're Cooper." She tried not to think of how someone had gotten a hold of two half souls. "That's why you don't count yourself as a monster." She realized out loud. "Because you're only half….like…...me?" She mumbled feeling strange. It was one thing to think of some ancestor having been with a monster. It was different to hear that one of your parents was supposed to be a monster.
"Yes," he said quietly, "That doesn't matter. Tell me what happened recently."
Alanna's blood ran cold. She could feel the desperation in her limb as she avoided attack after attack. Felt her magic rise up ready to block and in this one case kill. Cooper couldn't mean what had really happened. Even so, she felt the terror rushing over and through her. Alanna hadn't realized she had summoned her magic till she saw the gentle glow of her dress and cape.
"Ummm…" Her voice was too high pitched. "Training mostly. Undyne and Alphys showed me a new anime they found. Mettaton wants me to be a co-host on his show but I'm not really interested.I mean, I was trained to be a reporter but being an actress is something completely different ya know?" She began to ramble the fear still spiking through her. Why couldn't she stop thinking about it? All it made her think of was the darkness that covered her. That slow but eventual stop of everything that she was or was ever going to be.
He shook his head. "Not that. What happened with this timeline? What did you do to stop the erasure?"
Alanna saw the knife again, flashing red as it swung toward her. Frisk, someone she loved like a little sibling, being jerked around like a puppet. The pure hatred and anger in those red eyes. The amusement.
"I…" Alanna mumbled feeling like she was torn between two moments at once. "The erasure?" She remembered feeling something catching on her. Not even knowing who she was but still being caught like a pebble in a wave. No, a stone against which that wave was breaking. She remembered the hot feeling of her own blood washing down her body. "It didn't ...erase. They tried but…" The blade hadn't just cut, it had burned with that toxic red power. The same that had obliterated a tree. She supposed they would have taken her head off if she hadn't already been dodging. "I….I...I failed."
She had failed them all.
Goodbye Sister.
Alanna was shivering. It was so cold in the darkness. Such a contrast to the burning pain. The slow drain of her energy, the dimming of her soul. She had raged and raged and raged screaming out against the darkness. A coal slowly going dead. She had failed them. They were being slaughtered just like she had been. Sans's words echoed through her. They had said they were going to erase it all. Everything. All her friends gone just because she had hesitated when she saw Frisk's brown eyes in pain. Heard them screaming as she ripped their arm off. Faintly she felt herself fall to her knees. Someone called her name.
How could she have been so stupid? The anger in Gaster's face. She had let everyone down because she hesitated. The laughter of Chara. The feeling of snow against her back while she watched blood run away from her. Being unable to talk, to breathe, to do anything but watch as they stood over her. The bleeding and ragged stump of their lost arm not seeming to bother them in the slightest.
"-a breathe." Someone ordered.
How could she breathe when her throat was gaping open? Chara had leaned closer their hand pushing underneath her shirt. Violation flaring up bringing with it the memory of restraining hands. The shock of someone punching her in the face as she lay defenseless. Two horrors mixing together. A sharp jerk of pain. Her blood running across what she now knew as the delta rune.
"Alanna," she felt something touching her back, "you have to keep calm." The voice sounded far away still. She could hardly hear past the roaring in her head. "Breathe slowly." She tried to take in a shaking breath. "Steady."
"Chara," Alanna tried to explain fighting down her own panic, "tried to erase everything. I was dead, it woke me up." It was almost hard to remember the darkness as it was. She remembered it had shifted, sucking her down and smothering her in the same instant it lulled her into not caring. It eventually dulled her determination until she had forgotten everything. "They saved over my death." She breathed. The real reason she had been trapped.
The hand on her back stilled. "I'm so sorry." Cooper's voice was still distant. Like she was underwater somehow. "How are you still here?"
"They woke me up. I don't…." She remembered the tugging sensation that had woken her up. The error messages flashing past her. "I didn't even know who I was. I just...woke up. Then I remembered and I decided to come back." She explained the best she could. Alanna hadn't noticed but Cooper had at some point resumed the soothing swirls on her back. It was helping ground her. Pull her back into the heat and dust and away from the pain and darkness.
"Hey, you're safe now though. You're alive."
"For now, till they wake up again." Alanna breathed. "Then I can't hesitate. I can't fail everyone again."
"Hey don't worry about that now, Bubbles. Let's get you out of this heat. Come on." He tugged slightly at her and Alanna moved back to her feet finally seeing around her again. Cooper still had a hand on her back, and some of the dust had gotten onto her cloak but otherwise everything was fine. She absently brushed the dust away.
"Okay." She turned slightly to Cooper trying to ground herself by staring at him. At the green of his eyes and the worry. She reached out taking his arm for support. Physical or emotional she wasn't sure, but support none the less. He easily threaded her arm around his neck supporting some of her weight.
"Come on, I gotcha." Cooper said beginning to walk toward Alphys' lab. As they walked he glanced up and to the side slightly. Alanna kept her attention on him even as she heard the hiss of the lab's door followed by a gentle gust of coolness.
"C-come in." Alphys' said ushering the two of them inside. Alanna wondered how she knew they were there. Did she miss Cooper knocking?
"Get her some water and something to eat. Also something more comfortable to sit on." Cooper ordered sounding more authoritative than she had ever heard.
"Right! S-she can s-s-sit on the c-couch." Alphys hurried off and Alanna watched after her as she began making a cup of ramen. Cooper kept Alanna moving carefully guiding her to sit on the couch. He stood near her as she settled back against the cushions closing her eyes.
"Are you okay?" Alanna cracked her eyes open to see Alphys holding out a can of what looked to be soda. Not a brand she recognized but Alanna was instantly grabbing it drink cracking it open with a practiced move and taking a sip. It wasn't normal soda, so Alanna wasn't sure if it had the caffeine she had been so desperately missing but she appreciated the cold.
"I just…." Papyrus had said something about Alphys having the same problems. "I had a panic attack." Alanna admitted in a small voice.
"Y-you're safe." She replied almost instantly sitting next to her and taking her hand. "We've got y-you."
"Yeah," Alanna said letting herself begin to relax with the contact. It really did help her to have someone holding her. She jumped when a shrill tone pierced the calm.
"Don't worry." Alphys said letting go to get up. "Just the microwave."
"I'm okay." Alanna said toying with the condensation on the can. She felt shaky but okay for the moment. She glanced down at her dress seeing that it was still glowing. "Oh." She said reaching out to touch the pattern of glowing silver. She forced herself to drop her magic and watched the light go out.
There was slight movement in front of her and she glanced up to see Cooper crouched in front of her. "Pretty dress." He commented. Alanna smiled the smallest bit ducking her head. The action felt wrong. She couldn't explain why but it did.
"Muffet made it for me today. Like I said makeover with Mettaton."
"It's a nice look for ya. Suits you well."
Alanna smiled a bit bigger and felt a blush try to spring up at the compliment. She honestly hadn't gotten that many from monsters since she got serious with training. "Thank you." She mumbled tugging at the edge of her cloak.
"H-here. It's s-still, uh, hot." Alphys said sitting next to her and handing her the cup. Alanna took it and the fork Alphys held out a moment after she grabbed the cup. Alphys was looking between the two of them with a looked of restrained joy and utter worry.
"Nothing is too hot." Alanna said taking a bite. Alphys couldn't match Undyne in hot food. It was warm and tasted like college. "The real way to eat ramen," she said taking another bite before continuing, "is the crush it up dried. Eat the pieces, drink the boiling water, and snort the flavoring." She joked referencing some tumblr post she had seen a few years back.
"R-really?" Alphys asked while Cooper brought a hand to where the bridge of his nose would be if he had one.
"It's a joke." Cooper explained dryly.
"Yep," Alanna confirmed taking another bite.
"How are you feeling?" Cooper asked still crouched in front of her. Alanna swirled what noodles were left in the broth.
"Okay and not okay all at once. I'm in control at least right now."
"At least you're responsive and moving." He said standing back up. "Sorry, I should have given you more time to process everything."
"Don't worry about it." Alanna said softly not looking up from her cup. "I should just be moving on."
"Moving on isn't all that simple." His eyes were still locked on her, the human half of his face pinched in focus. Wait, human half? Alanna realized a little too late that Cooper's hood had somehow come off during their trek to the lab. It was interesting getting the full effect of his face. She had only truly seen it a few times during his stay before. She watched him the food in her hands forgotten. He scratched the back of his head.
"You should stay here till you feel better." He held a hand out and Alanna blinked as she watched a chair slide across the room to him. He grabbed it and twisted it till it was facing her and sat. Alanna blinked at the easy show of power and looked back to her noodles taking another bite. Alphys was watching the two of them with her hands threaded together. She jerked slightly when Alanna actually looked to her.
"I-I-I like your dress too!" She said quickly.
"Thank you." Alanna took a sip of the broth, having no noodles left.
"It….it was glowing earlier. Like your hair." Alphys reached up like she was going to touch the flowers that Mettaton had artfully re-arranged in her hair. Alanna let her.
"Yeah," Alanna glanced down, "they glow when I use my magic."
"M-m-mettaton, uh, must have s-spent a lot on you. He likes you a lot." She said reaching out to touch the silky cloak.
"I think so." Alanna said softly. "Though I don't quite get why. He seemed to be interested in me from the moment we met."
"Mettaton likes anything that can give him higher ratings or make him popular. What better than another human in the Underground. Especially one with magic." Cooper spoke up.
"I am not just some ratings boost to him." Alanna defended glaring at the partial skeleton. "And that's rich coming from someone who just wants me around for answers."
He looked slightly annoyed by her comment. "Don't misjudge my actions, Pri-" He cut himself off sharply. "Bubbles. A lot of my actions are to help."
"I don't see you helping that much, Envy." She said standing. Her cape flourished around her as she swept past him to throw away her trash.
"Well I did just get here today."
"Didn't help before either. In fact, if I remember you're the reason I ended up hurt so much in the first place." Alphys had leaned forward staring between the two of them as if it were an anime she loved.
He stood up and turned toward Alanna. "I apologised time and again for that." He snapped. She moved slightly toward him anger rising up to meet his own.
"What about that last time? Where you popped my arm out of socket and then left that next day?" Alanna asked meeting his eyes with a challenge in her own. She wasn't sure why they were suddenly fighting, but it felt ...almost normal. Much better than the shakiness that had been plaguing her since she had walked into the labs.
"I was trying to help you then. If it weren't for you trying to burst your bubble at me it wouldn't have happened."
"You shouldn't have acted like you were threatening me!" Alanna retorted. "I don't use my shield unless I feel threatened. Or do you not realize when you're acting that way, you unsociable prick?" The insult rolled out easily. It was the first thing she had ever called him. At the time she was injured and could hardly dodge for shit. How things had changed.
"For the love of King Asgore." He grumbled underneath his breath. He met her gaze again. "Look, I'm not trying to be your enemy here. I'm trying to help you. Can't you see that?"
"Oh yeah," Alanna growled feeling her magic rising up with the anger. "it's so easy to see when all you do is hound me with questions when I literally had to fight to the death yesterday! I lost everything and you don't care so long as you get your answers. What do you want to know so badly, huh?"
"How to save everyone!" Cooper raised his voice. "Every timeline it's something different. Do this here, take out that here, let this pass, everything is different. This one's answer eludes me! All I know is that it has to do with you!"
The guilt of her failure hit her like a blow to the chest. Gaster's blows hurt less. "I tried my best!" She let her volume go over his a bit so he would hear her. "I trained with my whole soul and it wasn't enough. Maybe I'm not the answer. Maybe I'm just another way this timeline will fuck up!"
He growled slightly. "You still don't get it." He slid his hands down his face before throwing his hands down in frustration. "This timeline was already fucked up! You, you broke it's cycle. It should have been erased, but look around you." He gestured around them. "Everything is still here. You didn't mess up. So what? You lost a fight. One. Fight. You still saved this timeline, you bought it more time." He emphasized his words using sharp gestures with his hands.
"More time for what?" Alanna gripped her arms hugging herself. "Just so they can get some hope for the future before they're slaughtered? More time means nothing when the end is already set. I can't do it!"
"Not like that you can't. Where did all that determination go when you started your journey. You've been training...what...a while now? Non-stop every day. What happened? You're just gonna back down now? Let all that hard work go to waste?"
"I used it all bringing us back!" Alanna screamed. "I used everything I had, and look where it got us. Nowhere. I'm just human! I'm not some perfect fighter like that thing-"
"You're not human!" Cooper yelled back his eyes flaring brightly. "That right there. That mentality is what's gonna hold you back. You're so much more than you believe. You're capable of so much more than a human could ever dream of doing. What any monster could ever dream of doing."
"I can't do anything!" Alanna tried to speak over him but it was hard. You could only get so loud. "I didn't ask to be what I am. I didn't want any of this! I've been trying my best but you're just like him. You just keep pushing. Gaster would be proud of your mentality!"
Cooper's eyes suddenly went black. Alanna jerked slightly at the sudden change her eyes flaring even more with the bit of fear.
"Didn't ask?" After the yelling his quiet question felt menacing. "I didn't want to be made!" His voice was twisted. A monstrous parody. Alphys suddenly ran toward her bathroom locking herself in. Alanna simply let herself take a slightly more defensive stance. "I didn't ask to be ripped apart and forced back together to become this thing. I didn't want to be that psychopath's plaything. I didn't want to be experimented on. Poked. Prodded. Twisted. Broken. Brought back together again. I hate what I am knowing any decision I make could be one that pleases him." He clenched his fist hard enough that she could see his bones bending slightly under the pressure.
"You certainly would please my teacher. If I could harm as easily as you I would be done already." Alanna spoke quietly.
"Do you really think it's so easy for me to kill?"
"Yes." Alanna said deadpan. "Yes I do."
"I was tortured and tormented into my first kill. Given an ultimatum. Kill something I loved or lose everything. Every kill I make, every time has torn something much bigger than…." He trailed off. "Killing is nearly impossible. It's never an easy thing to do." He said in a deadpan.
"I must be some monster then." Alanna said mimicking his tone.
"Damn it!" He jerked his hand and the chair behind him lifted only to smash into the ground. It crumpled into a mess of metal. Alanna took a step back.
"Violence seems to be in your nature." She shot at him knowing it was mean. Knowing she should stop. But if Cooper had been the one picked to save them, they would already be safe. And the thought angered her more than it should have. He would have saved them but instead they were stuck with her. The disappointment. "You were right when you said you were made to destroy."
Alanna forced herself to spin around moving quickly out the door into the Hotlands. She knew she was hurting him. Being horribly toxic. She needed to get away to calm down or she would say something worse.
"No you don't." Alanna felt magic clamp around her soul and the world flicker. Before she could react she had been jerked back into the lab, and the magic around her was gone. Even so her momentum sent her careening toward Cooper. She automatically twisted catching herself and stopping before she slid too close. She simply threw herself backward. Without gravity's hold it was easy to fly back out into the heat.
Cooper was suddenly in her path and Alanna stopped herself glaring at him. "You're not going anywhere. We're not done talking." His voice was more like himself, and his eyes were back to blazing in his head.
"Like hell. I'm done talking to you." Alanna said walking to the side to get past him. She felt something enter her zone of awareness just a moment before she saw a wall of swords slam near her. She automatically slammed her foot into the nearest of the green glowing blades twisting around fully as it flew up to only kick it with a surge of determination back toward Cooper.
Alanna froze as she saw it streak back at him, realizing that Gaster had been training her to act without thought. He dodged to the side reaching up and catching the blade rather easily. A shield, the same one she had seen before, formed on his arm.
"Fine. We'll play it like that." A few swords formed above him and shot toward her. Alanna simply stepped to the side keeping her eyes mainly on him. They sailed by close enough to cause wind, but Alanna was used to that. She simply grabbed one of the swords from the wall attack and held it loosely in one hand.
Cooper was suddenly at her side swinging his caught sword down at her. Alanna felt three things as they appeared sailing down to hit her if she moved back. Her body moved before she could process. She raised her sword letting his blow glance off as she moved to the side, away from the swords and toward a weaker spot in his defense. She lashed out with her magic, creating a shield underneath his foot before pushing it up and away from her.
Cooper pushed off her shield keeping his footing. As soon as his feet hit the ground he was rushing up to stab her, his shield raised as more swords shot toward her back again. Alanna threw herself skyward twisting to fit into a gap in the plus shape while creating a shield to knock his stab back that was large and bright enough that he wouldn't have seen her jump. As soon as the swords almost got to her shield she dropped it only to watch as Cooper blocked his own swords having moved into a defensive position.
There was a moment where she knew she could harm him. Her hand raised almost on its own. She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and let her hand fall as she realized what she was going to attempt. Magic wrapped around her and pulled her in a sharp jerk sending her barreling to the ground. She started to create a shield to slow herself, but was blindsided when Cooper was suddenly bashing into her side.
She heard a crack, but was already pushing herself up as she slid back onto her feet throwing the blade at his feet as she burst a shield behind him. Cooper went to dodge the sword but the burst sent him forward. He twisted bringing his leg mostly out of the way of the blade, but Alanna watched a splash of green as it actually sliced the side of it. He landed on one knee and held out his hand creating a pincushion's worth of daggers around her.
She had a split second to react as he closed his hand causing them to slam toward her. One nicked her arms, but she immediately created her shield bursting it out from herself knocking them all away. She grit her teeth at the burning pain and the agony that was her right side.
In anger she held her hand toward him, the blood dripping into the dust, and her awareness expanded. She could feel the dust that Cooper had kicked up. Feel him breathing. Feel his muscles tensing and contracting. Alanna planted a small shield in his chest determination burning through her. Cooper teleported, but this time she could feel it, feel the magic. She kept her focus on him. Pinpoint accurate she felt her magic move with him. She could feel the muscles around her shield. The warmth of him wrapped around her like a second skin. Cooper's eyes met hers as his hand went to the spot she was. He suddenly threw his arm out and she felt magic clamp down around her soul and slam her toward the ground.
She automatically, in shock, went to burst her shield. And forced herself to drop the magic. The ground hurt. With her focus on protecting Cooper she let him completely crush her to the ground. For a moment she couldn't breathe at all, even then her body used to this treatment pushed her to her feet. Alanna spat blood watching Cooper warily. Instead she waited, knowing that she was much better at dodging than attacking.
Cooper was holding his chest, his health bar already having ticked down from the aborted attack. His eyes were flaring.
"You tried to kill me."
"If I wanted to kill you I would have." Alanna said with a raspy voice. She spat blood again. "You startled me enough to almost make me kill you though." She added.
"You should have never attacked in the first place!"
"Me?" Alanna suddenly saw red. "ME?" She took a step forward. Toward him. "You grabbed me. Used my soul." Determination flashed so hot and so brilliant she felt it reach her eyes. "Threw swords at me. And somehow this is MY FAULT?!" She raised her hand again, created that tiny pinpoint and exploded it out with an animosity that felt better suited to a red eyed child. A boulder near them exploded with so much force most of the debris was rendered to dust.
Cooper's head jerked toward the explosion. He stared at it for a moment even as lethargy washed over Alanna at the heavy use of her power. "That pull. Those swords. None of that would have hurt you. Those swords were going to miss. They were going to land in front of you. And the most that pull would have done was slid you closer to me."
"You attacked me! You think I won't react out of instinct at this point?" Alanna hissed. "And then you kept attacking me. You've only proven my point."
"Dodging is instinct. Blocking is instinct. But redirecting an attack and pinpointing it at someone's face is a bit more intentional. You attacked me."
"No I didn't! You don't understand." She looked down at herself horror beginning to show in her eyes. He was right, but he wasn't. "I didn't think. It just happened. I don't mean to…..he pushed me so hard…..all of this…..I…." Alanna felt tears threaten to fall. "He's making me into this…...for them…..for everyone. I don't want it. But I have to let it happen. If I'm going to win…..I have to….." She hated that tears were beginning to fall. "It was instinct. It was reflex. I….." She suddenly and violently sobbed. "And I failed again. Twice, in one fight. I don't want to be this."
"Failed?" Cooper asked before suddenly growling to himself. All of his weapons suddenly disappeared and Alanna felt him spare her. She accepted and gasped as she felt the full extent of the damage he had inflicted in just the few attacks that had hit.
"Leave me alone." She said moving away. Through the haze of pain. She moved without thought, just wanting to get away from his accusation.
An attack. She had attacked without thought. Immediately reacting to violence with more violence. Like it was second nature. Alanna hated herself for that.
"I've been looking around the whole Underground for you!" The accusatory voice was shrill and very familiar. Alanna turned to see Flowey staring at her angrily. "I even ran into that smiling trashbag."
"Not now." Alanna tried to move past him.
"No, I felt that erase! And I felt you load back. How did you do it!" Alanna flinched at the accusations. "Hey! Hey! HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"
She felt the world flicker and felt a wave of small seeds rocket toward her. She didn't have enough energy to dodge them in time. Didn't want to.
"Flowey wait!"
Alanna had never been shot before, but she guessed this was what it felt like. All burning pain and shock. Alanna's body dropped. She felt the darkness come back wanting to swallow her whole. For a moment she hung in it letting it wrap around her. Lulling and calling it asked her to sleep. It would be easier than the mess outside. In the darkness it was so easy to just let go of her determination. Let it all go.
"No, no, no. Alanna? Stay with me." It was a voice coming from something very far away from her. Alanna perked up slightly at her name. She knew the voice, but the memory was distant. Attached to that world of horror. "You're not healing. Stay with me. Load back up." Of sadness. "I can't let this happen again."
The darkness tugged at her. Soft and inviting.
"I can't let another member die." It wasn't insistent, like the voice, the darkness was eternally patient. She could feel herself like a dying coal in it. She knew she wanted to save the monsters, but she wondered at the price. She was losing herself. Her own morals she thought were set in stone. All for the sake of those trapped underground. It would be easier to let go. She wasn't even sure she could get back if she wanted. What little light she had been shedding was almost all gone.
"Shut up, Flowey!" The voice spiked through the darkness like lightning. All anger. And…..despair? Desperation. Alanna wondered at the voice. Why were they so sad. It wasn't bad in the darkness. Just quiet. Good for sleeping. "I don't like doing this."
Red. Like veins shooting into the darkness. Upsetting it. Alanna drifted away from it deeper into the velvet folds of the dark. The red, however, followed her. She didn't have a voice to scream when it pierced her, but it burned. It burned like she burned but more and it filled her, then overfilled her until she could feel the darkness trying to peel back from the inferno that was herself.
She had been doing this to save them. Papyrus, Frisk, Sans, Mettaton, Undyne and Alphys. Countless other names who meant so much more than just names to her. She could almost see them flashing away just out of reach. A sparkling shimmering line of time. She could feel her place in it as surely as she could feel the darkness. The red was gone. No...it was inside of her. Made of her. She was Determined, but still hadn't made a choice.
"Load." Cooper's voice ordered. "Come back. Load." Almost like a chant. So desperate to have her come back when he's part of the reason she was here.
Alanna was an inferno with nowhere to put her energy. She didn't know if she should go back. Back to pain and sadness and….
"Come back." Desperation.
Why was it her job to keep fighting? She had simply taken on the burden of the Underground. But her her they would disappear too and as much as sleep sounded good ...that didn't. She wanted Papyrus to see the sky. Frisk to be in a world without something inside of them clawing to get out. Wanted Sans to find a world free of resets and slaughter. She wanted Cooper to be happy with himself. Alanna didn't realize she wanted it till now but she did. Despite their fighting he had said he hated himself. That wasn't right.
"Damn it. Damn It." He sounded so sad. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." A deep growl reverberated through the darkness and her. That tether she was holding onto. "Not again. Why? Why again?"
"I failed you. Like I failed them."
Alanna didn't like that.
She burned and burned until she was brighter than the brightest star and reached.
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