It was one of the hardest things about being close to the frontlines during a battle when one wasn't taking part in the actual skirmishing, Shepard thought: her war was on a different front which required different tactics and tactics took time. So while she was hauling herself up to the cabin to wash the fear-sweat off and try to restore a little of her shattered equilibrium, quarians were dying in droves.

But until there was a plan for the next step there was no point in not getting mopped up.

Part of her felt sure she was being more cowardly than practical. Her breakdown or whatever it was left her feeling sick. How could she expect her crew to follow her into bad situations when she'd fallen apart like that for no good reason?

She did not get much further than this line of thought, for when she opened the door to her quarters she found Alenko sitting at her desk, apparently waiting for her. He hadn't even bothered with mopping up. "Alenko."

He got to his feet, looking like someone groping for words.

Shepard stepped past him into her sleeping quarters and fished out fresh clothes, braced for the question everyone was sure to be asking: what the hell was that back there?

"You feeling a little more…more balanced, yet?" Alenko asked gently—so gently she could tell he didn't like the wording of the statement but couldn't think of a better way to ask.

"Absolutely." She had to think it until she believed it.

"Jalissa," Alenko frowned.

She sighed, running a hand through her starting-to-dry hair. It was stiff and unpleasant and she hoped that a hot shower would do as much for her mindset as for her sense of physical well-being. She looked away, biting her lip. "I need to get mopped up. Hopefully with the dreadnought offline we've bought a lull."

But not enough to get the civilians out of danger.

Damn Gerrel!

"I know."

She backed up when Alenko got to his feet and took a step towards her. "I'm fine."

Alenko watched the restoration of distance with a hint of hurt in his expression. Damn, but she was screwing up by the numbers today.

"Alright, I'm not at my best. I'll get it pulled together," she said bracingly.

"No one blames you for anything," Alenko said firmly.

Shepard felt a spike of an emotion that seemed too complex for her to deal with at the moment. "You should. I do."

"You blame yourself entirely too much," Alenko said, his sympathetic tone sharpening into up-by-your-bootstraps motivation. He stepped up to her and took over fiddling with her shoulder-guard until it came off.

"Kaidan, I can do this myself…"

"Of course you can," he answered, then paused, setting the plates on her desk. "Look, I'm here because I'm worried. But we—the ground team—did hash this out. No one blames you. In fact Liara looked ready to warp the first person who had anything nasty to actually say into a paperweight, and Javik nearly got a clawed face from Tali back in the shuttle—"

A bang on the door made both marines jump. "Shepard! Garrus—open up." The turian's no-nonsense tone brooked no argument. EDI actually had the door open before Shepard could do more than open her mouth. "This won't take long," Garrus said to Alenko before fixing Shepard with a bright, beady eye.

Shepard braced herself. "What's wrong?"

He resonated with tense energy, but she was fairly certain he wasn't angry…simply being overly forceful as if to bludgeon an idea through her hard head.

"Where did you find me?" he demanded.

"On Men—"

"Before."

Shepard swallowed. "Omega."

"And you'll remember a bit of personal business on the Citadel without rehashing it."

Shepard uneasily stepped back, which ended up with Alenko putting his hands on her waist so she wouldn't accidentally step on him.

"You helped Tali with some heavy stuff," Garrus continued, mandibles fluttering. "What about Thane? What about Mordin?"

"Where are you going with this Garrus? I need a shower," Shepard snapped.

Garrus stepped up to her, looming in a way he usually didn't. "You need this first," he answered tersely. The hand he settled upon her plateless shoulder, however, was gentle. "How much of our troubles have you already carried? How many of our weaknesses have you shored up? You've seen so many of us at our lowest, but you don't hesitate to take us with you into a fight. You've seen so many of us broken, and even when you're trying to omnigel us back together, you never give up on us." He leaned over, resting his forehead against hers, putting his other hand on her other shoulder. "Why do you think we'd do any less for you? Why would you expect anyone to think less of you for that?"

"I can't afford to be freaking out in the field," Shepard answered staunchly.

"We know why you freaked out because we know how you died. Tali nearly clawed Javik's face because he tried the line you're spouting. If anyone is being blamed, it's Gerrel for putting you in that position at all. You got through the docking tube; we know you can handle space in general. But space and being out of control? After Alchera?"

The turian tugged her closer and tucked her under his chin, warbling softly.

"You're always saying you're one of us, that everything revolves around the team," Garrus said. "And now you really are one of us, because we can see where you're hurt and where your weak flank is. And we can try to help because we know. That is," he announced, loosening his hold on her, "the common consensus."

"Thanks for the pep talk," Shepard answered somberly, stepping away from him, but tagging him on the shoulder to show she was not dismissing his words.

"No problem. Get her mopped up. Hot water and a little TLC'll go a long way."