Pixie1913: Conrad is the friend everybody needs.
Yolo: I said what I have to say about this matter on Tumblr, and I am going to continue writing things the way I want to write them - which includes Beca.
Potterhead0013: Thank you!
Vanguard Aria: I love making you all cry.
SunDanceQT: Thing gonna still get worse before they get better.
Mwallace: I'll take that as a compliment.
Vickstik: Well, I mean, Conrad already owns a gay cafe, so, it's not that far off, lol.
Guest: Thank you!
FromTumblr: Thank you for your support!
96itadakimasu96: Gotta have comedic relief.
Guest: Like I said to Yolo, my response is on my Tumblr, and discussion on the matter is over now.
IdkImAwkward07: Probably because it took seven years to write it, lol. No. I purposely wanted it to feel like forever, because I feel like that's how trauma feels - at least for me. It never ends, and then suddenly it does, and time just feels weird.
G: Thank you. I think I've managed to do pretty well with how I have written my story so far.
Whatizthiz: I mean, it depends on your sense of humor. I have very dry humor that is definitely not for everyone - but a lot of my students tell me I'm funny, so, who knows! I'm glad you like my OCs. I am usually not a fan of OCs, and I don't even like writing them - but I have gotten rather attached to these ones.
Andiclauds: Aubrey misses her too.

Dysrhythmia

Hold on to me as we go,
As we roll down this unfamiliar road.
And although this wave is stringing us along,
Just know you're not alone,
'Cause I'm going to make this place your home.
Settle down, it'll all be clear.
Don't pay no mind to the demons,
They fill you with fear.
The trouble it might drag you down;
If you get lost, you can always be found.
- Phillip Phillips

The nurse, who has to come back in the room to clean up Aubrey's mess, is not impressed by Aubrey's choice of action – and Aubrey can't bring herself to even look at her, let alone apologize for herself. She rests her arm on the table, free now to use it as a pillow, and examines the wood grain visible in the light that sneaks in through the cracks between her head and arm.

"I know you know that's not okay," Julia says when the nurse leaves.

Aubrey waits for something else negative – punishment or something. She expects it, wants it even – to keep snowballing her emotions bigger and bigger until…until what?

"But it is perfectly acceptable to be that angry."

What does Chloe's mom know about being angry? Nothing – that's what.

That's not true. Her daughter is unconscious, and there is a chance she won't ever wake up.

The shit part is – what happened to Chloe was an accident.

Had Chloe not fallen, would Aubrey and Beca have even found her though?

Or would she be dead in that drain, her body rotting away, with them still there looking for her? They might still be running through the woods if it wasn't for Chloe – wet, scared, with Aubrey dying too.

She has to wake up.

And Aubrey has to get it together for when she does.

Get it together, Aubrey.

Pull it together.

"I have something for you," Julia says, "I sent Dad to the store after we got here. It might make some part of you feel a little better."

Aubrey cannot imagine anything making her feel better at all.

Julia walks across the room and rustles through a bag before returning to Aubrey's side. She places something next to Aubrey's head, then gently nudges Aubrey's hand against the soft fabric of it, coaxing her into lifting her head.

Pajamas. Not just pajamas, but underwear and socks too. Clean, dry clothes - that haven't been worn by strangers.

"I know the clothes you came here in weren't salvageable, or even yours," Julia says, "Beca and I were trying to ID what things they found belong to you and what belong to Chloe. Everything they found was…a mess."

"Did they find Chloe's bear?" Aubrey asks. She left it there. She left it on the table. The thing that Chloe loves most, Aubrey left.

Julia nods. "It's drying, and going to need some serious TLC," she says, "They also found a letter that Chloe wrote me and a note from you… They're in evidence now, but they let me see them."

Aubrey traces the black lines creating squares of blue plaid on the pajama bottoms with the tip of her finger.

"Can I help you change?" Julia asks, resting her hand on one of the ties holding Aubrey's hospital gown together.

Aubrey shakes her head. "I can do it."

Julia sits down on the edge of the bed, next to her. "But wouldn't it be far less painful with some help?" she asks, "How about you figure out your underwear and pants and socks, and I help you with your shirt?"

Pull it together, Aubrey. Get it together. Right now.

"Are you hearing me?" Julia asks gently.

Aubrey refuses to look at her, hyperfocusing on the pajama pants. She nods. But only because she isn't going to sit here humiliating herself by trying to wrestle a shirt on with one arm in a cast. She'll do that later in privacy until she can figure out how to dress and undress herself smoothly.

"Okay." Julia picks up the clothes and places them on the bed beside Aubrey, then spins the table out of the way. "I'll turn around," she says, standing up.

It feels like Aubrey is figuring out how to move every part of herself again – and she makes matters worse on herself by not wanting to uncover herself from beneath the blanket. Trying to put underwear on takes ten times the amount of time it usually does, especially where she has to find the strength to lift her bottom off the bed and pull them up – using only one hand. And that's just her underwear. Pants are a whole other story. This is going to be her life every day for God knows how long she has to wear this damn cast.

At least socks are simple.

Julia is patient. She relocates her coffee and scrolls through her phone while she waits. Hopefully Conrad hasn't sent her anymore nudes. Next thing she knows, he'll be trying to booty-call her husband.

"I have pants on now," Aubrey announces once she's adjusted.

"Good. Now let's figure out this shirt." Julia turns around and places her coffee and phone on the seat of a chair. "Do those pants make you feel any warmer?"

"I don't know." Aubrey shrugs her good shoulder. "I just…" She pauses, stroking the blanket. "Feel numb."

"Mm," Julia hums, and picks up the shirt. It's a tank top – probably to accommodate the bandage on Aubrey's shoulder, because it definitely isn't meant to keep her warm. "On the outside or the inside?"

Aubrey is quiet as Chloe's mom unties the back of her hospital down and slides it down off her shoulders. "Both," she answers finally, as she covers her breasts with her arm. It's just as embarrassing blatantly trying to hide herself as it is to be exposed. She doesn't really know if 'numb' is the right word to describe her feelings when she keeps flying back and forth between feeling nothing at all and everything all at once. "Neither?" 'Numb' can't even describe her physically when everything hurts so damn bad – but, at the same time, it feels like her entire body is asleep.

Getting a shirt on her takes less than a minute. Julia slips her casted arm through the sleeve first, then stretches it over her head and gets her other arm through. "There." She kisses the top of Aubrey's head. "Now cover up and keep warm." She sits down on the side of the bed and faces Aubrey, helping her get the blanket up around her. "Once the next round of nurses come in, I'm going to see what I can do about you seeing Chloe."

But Aubrey didn't eat…

She threw her food onto the ground like a child.

Chloe's mom is still going to help Aubrey see her...

Aubrey sinks down into the blanket – slipping her hand out from under it to recline the bed back ever so slightly.

"I guess if anything, we sneak you out of this room and into hers," Julia says, "That should be interesting with all the police floating around." She sighs.

"When are you going back to Florida with her?" It's probably too soon to tell, Aubrey realizes. The real question then is when is Aubrey going back to Queens.

"Did you read the letter Chloe wrote me and Dad?" Julia asks, and pulls the side of the blanket back so she can curl up under it too.

Aubrey shakes her head and scoots over to give her room – only to find herself being pulled back and wrapped up in her arms. She feels calmer now – not attached to anything, wearing real clothes, her problems somehow all taken care of before she even has the chance to voice them.

"Chloe doesn't want to go to Florida," Julia says, and plays with Aubrey's hair, making her tired again, "Is that where you want to go?"

No, but Aubrey will. She'll go anywhere. "I want to go wherever she goes," she whispers. She wants to go wherever either of them go.

"Well, Chloe said that if anything were to happen to her, or you, or both of you, she wants both of you to go home to Queens," Julia says, "Did you think we were trying to send you back there alone, Baby?"

Aubrey doesn't say anything. Chloe wants to go home. She and Chloe get to go home.

"We're trying to get everyone to Queens," Julia tells her, "You, Chloe, Beca, Dad, me… I don't know what the long term plan is here, Aubrey, but I know short term is taking care of the immediate needs you both have, and I think one of those needs is to get you both home. Right?"

Aubrey quickly nods, feeling shaky again. She wants to go home right this second.

"I also think one of those needs is me and Dad," Julia continues, "And we need to make sure you are taken care of, so, it looks like we're all going to Queens."

"Why not Florida?" Aubrey asks, because as much as Aubrey needs to go home, it doesn't make a lot of sense. They have a house and an established life in Florida with careers and everything they know and love. It would be so much easier, especially right now with Chloe unconscious and Aubrey in a fragile, vulnerable position, to uproot the life Aubrey and Chloe built together. It's not like they even have to take Aubrey with them. She isn't theirs to worry about or take care of.

"Let me tell you something, Aubrey. This is what parents do."

"You're not -"

"My turn to talk," Julia says before Aubrey can finish, "They meet needs, even when it means making sacrifices – even when things are hard for them too. And I'm not just talking about a roof over your head and food on the table needs; I'm talking about the feeling safe and loved and heard kind too."

"But -" These are not Aubrey's parents. Not everyone has the same view on what constitutes a need, a want, or a weakness that should be overcome or brushed under the rug. Right now, Aubrey's parents would see this as a situation where she either needs to suck it up and show some strength or fake it 'til she makes it.

"You can talk when I am done," Julia tells her, "It is still my turn. We had no idea Chloe would turn out to be such an easy kid; we were fully prepared to make the sacrifices it took to take two hard kids, no matter what that brought us in life – and that mentality did not stop just because Chloe was simple or they became adults. Chloe is still my baby. That is still my little girl that I would do anything for. And that is the exact same mentality we took in loving you too – baggage and all. You both need to go home, so that's where we are going to go."

"You don't have to love me because Chloe loves me," Aubrey tells her, then gets onto herself, because it's still not her turn to talk.

"My love for you is separate from Chloe's love for you, Aubrey. There are plenty of people and things that Chloe loves, and I will respect, but I will never understand – and you are not one of those things," Julia says, "Trust me, Bunny, I never needed Chloe to convince me that you should be in our family. I know that we could meet under any circumstance, and I would still want to just bring you home and adopt you as ours forever." She rests her cheek against Aubrey's head. "You call us Mom and Dad; I think it's safe to say we're your parents, and anything we would do for Chloe or Daniel, we'd do for you too. We love you."

That's a lot of words for Aubrey to try to conjure up a response to with everything she is already trying to understand and react to. She's emotionally drained – and, somehow, still physically drained too. She rolls onto her side, resting on her good arm, frustrated as she has to figure out a way to position her other arm out of her way. It's impossible.

"What are you trying to do, Aubrey, get closer?"

Aubrey shakes her head no. Yes.

Julia holds her tighter, being mindful of her injuries. "There are some things we need to talk about about going to Queens though," she says, "And I don't think you're going to like them so much."

Aubrey can't imagine what she couldn't like in this situation.

"I don't think it's a good idea for us or you to be staying in your apartment right now," Julia elaborates, "I'm not saying you shouldn't be there at all, but I think all that space you share with Chloe is going to make everything too painful, when you're already in pain – and I think sharing that space with us, especially Beca, is going to cause a lot of unnecessary struggle. So, we're going to stay with your friends while we try to figure this all out. They've been very kind to offer us a room and an air mattress. It'll be tight, but I think we can manage for a short time."

Aubrey doesn't actually get to go home. She presses her lips together, her feeling almost coming to the surface.

"I know you're entire life is being turned upside down right now. Ours too." Julia sniffles and pauses playing with Aubrey's hair to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Which friend?" Aubrey asks her.

"Hm?" Julia asks.

"Conrad or Brian?" Aubrey asks.

"From the sound of it, they live together," Julia says, "Do they not?"

What? "I don't know." Aubrey has never been to visit them at home.

"We'll figure it out," Julia says, "We'll figure everything out. Right now, rest before I go get you more food."

Aubrey nods. She feels a little less on the verge of throwing up now – not much, but it's still less.

"Can I brush your hair while you eat?" Julia asks, "Try to work out some of these tangles better?"

Aubrey nods again. That's one more of those subjective needs - feeling well groomed. "Who cleaned me up?" she asks, even though she has a feeling she already knows. There isn't even blood or dirt under her fingernails.

"The hospital did the basics so they could fix you up," Julia answers, "I did the rest a little more thoroughly."

"Thank you," Aubrey whispers. She can't imagine waking up, and still having Chloe's blood all over her… She wonders if she knew she was probably cleaning up just as much of Chloe's blood as she was Aubrey's, and then her stomach starts to feel sicker again. It would be easier if she just had an off switch. She curls into her, trying to just focus on the sensation of her hair being played with. Chloe must have told her mom that Aubrey likes that.

"This feels nice when you don't shove me away from you, doesn't it?" Julia asks.

Aubrey doesn't answer, because it does feel nice. Chloe's mom is firm, much like Aubrey's father, but she isn't very threatening at all. She's like the opposite of threatening, the opposite of Aubrey's father. 'Benign' is a good word to describe her. But she's also sure that if anyone who was threatening burst through the door right now, Chloe's mom could destroy them with just one look. Then again, this isn't the first time she has let her in close – and it has always felt nice. They just somehow always end up back at square one, because of Aubrey.

They both fall quiet, and Aubrey lays still, listening to the sound of her breathing, trying not to let her mind wander to places like what if Chloe's mom dies somehow too. It's like the anxiety never ends. She closes her eyes and tries to think of how it will be when Chloe wakes up and they're all in Queens together – at least for awhile, until Chloe is back to her full self. They'll go back to their apartment, and talk about getting a house – and tell Chloe's parents they're engaged.

Julia's fingers still in Aubrey's hair, and Aubrey realizes she's falling asleep. How much easier would it be for her if Chloe was the only one she had to worry about? …this is why they always end up back at square one – these kind of thoughts. She takes a deep calming breath and tries to sleep again too.

This isn't the time to make things harder than they already are – even if she's actually trying to make everything easier.