Malace || Shadowhunters || Malace || Worth the Effort || Malace || Shadowhunters || Malace

Title: Worth the Effort – Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles

Fandom: Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments

Disclaimer: All rights to the Shadowhunters show reserved to Ed Decter, the books the show is based off and its characters belong to Cassandra Clare. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Tags: m/m, polyamory (m/m/m), PTSD, hurt/comfort

Main Pairing: Magnus/Alec/Jace

Shadowhunters Characters: Jonathan Christopher 'Jace' Herondale, Magnus Bane, Alexander 'Alec' Lightwood

Summary: Alec and Magnus do their best to help Jace deal with his PTSD and be there for him.

Worth the Effort

Phoe's Tumblr Drabbles

The thing about triggers was that there was no Ultimate Guideline.

Magnus and Alec tried to be mindful, careful, gentle. They watched out. A thing that was a bit harder for Magnus was to keep from calling Jace 'Jonathan'. He liked doing that, referring to people by their full first name - Alexander, Isabelle, Lucian. He very soon came to realize that this was not an option with Jace though; there was only one person who called him 'Jonathan' - and that was his abuser.

In bed, they had found others. Like being tied up standing, it sent Jace into flashbacks about his time on the Morning Star. Finding that one out had severely ruined what was supposed to be a naughty and romantic weekend and soon turned into a comforting, gentle weekend of trying to assure Jace that he was safe and with them, not with his father.

Needless to say that Valentine's Day was, by name alone, ruining the mood and, adorably enough, it had become widespread to refer to the day as Lovers' Day instead at the New York Institute. Isabelle had been behind that, they knew it.

What Magnus truly could not have anticipated were spaghetti.

This was what made triggers so complicated; they were so very personalized and they may, at first glance, seem ridiculous to those who had not experienced what had caused it. To Magnus, it seemed logical to take his pretty Shadowhunters out for spaghetti when he took them to Rome for a romantic weekend - after all, pizza and pasta were Italian classics.

Spaghetti were the one thing that Valentine used to make to lull Jace into a false sense of security, to play pretend, play family, make Jace feel happy and like things were good and what followed really wasn't.

Just the scent and look of classic spaghetti with tomato sauce sent Jace into a panic-attack, his brain having inherently linked the look of a bowl of spaghetti on a table to the inhumane punishment that would follow.

"Jace? Jace, focus on me. Stay with me."

Alec put himself into Jace's line of sight, his voice firm. Magnus gently directed them toward a portal to bring them back home - there was no point in staying in Rome now.

"You're at the loft. Look around. You're at home. With Magnus and me, your parabatai. It's okay. You're safe. Whatever you're feeling right now, it's over. It's long in the past. Right here, right now, you're safe. Breath with me. Focus on my breathing. Breath in. Hold. You have to slow down your breathing. Breath out. I'm going to touch you, okay Jace?"

The blonde gave a jerky nod at that. Sometimes, he hated being touched afterward, but other times he really needed it. Alec carefully took Jace's hand and rested it against his own heart, his own hand against Jace's chest.

"Feel my heartbeat. Feel your own heartbeat in my chest. We're one, parabatai. I'm right here, for you. You are not alone."

Magnus knew he would be too much right now, too many people talking to him while he was coming out of a panic-attack was too overwhelming. However, Alexander and Magnus had a perfect routine for this by now.

Because while there was no ultimate guideline to triggers and to how to deal with them, the two of them had perfected dealing with their boyfriend's panic-attacks. Alec knew how to guide Jace back to the present time, he had years of experience.

Magnus all the while went to make a tea for Jace and then he went to prepare their bedroom. Soft things. After a flashback, Jace needed comfort, the reminder that his life had changed, that he was allowed nice things and comfort and gentleness. Magnus brought the softest blankets and pillows to prop the bed up. When the tea was done, he added honey to Jace's, knowing that was how he liked it. Usually, Jace couldn't and didn't want to eat any time soon after.

He drew back the curtains to let in the skyline of New York, another visual reminder of where they were and that Jace was not in Idris anymore. Then he went to light all the candles in the room - ever since his two Shadowhunters had moved in, the candles in the loft had increased a lot because Jace loved candles and he loved the soft candle-light.

"C'mon, Jace. Let's go to bed, mh? Just you, me and Magnus, that okay?"

Jace's eyes looked still haunted as he let himself be guided to the bedroom, more on autopilot than anything. He would be out of it for a while, he was usually rather nonverbal after a flashback.

"I made you tea, sweetheart", offered Magnus gently. "Would you want a tea?"

Jace looked at him for a long moment before nodding. They maneuvered their lover to sit in the middle of the bed, Magnus and Alec getting in on either side of him.

There was so much damage done to Jace by others. Valentine most prominently, but Jonathan and Lilith had also done their fair share. There was much to be mindful of and despite their best efforts, there still were things Magnus and Alec didn't know. All they could do was be there for their blonde and do the best they could. Sometimes, it was a lot, sometimes they struggled with it, but in the end, they would always do everything for Jace – because their love was worth it.

"You want to talk about it? Or anything? What do you need?", asked Magnus.

"Just... you", whispered Jace and leaned into them both.

"That's okay, sweetheart, you got us", assured Magnus, wrapping a gentle arm around him.

"We're not going anywhere, Jace", agreed Alec, doing the same from the other side.

~*~ The End ~*~