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Palutena's Guidance for RWBY
Ruby
"Goodness gracious! Ruby and Pit are fighting!" Palutena exclaimed.
"They are?! Quick, where's my popcorn!" Viridi exclaimed.
"Urgh, we're actually training!" Pit said, blocking an attack from Ruby's scythe. "Agh, I could use some pointers on my girlfriend, though!"
"…And suddenly, my stomach feels itchy again. Ugh…" Viridi groaned.
"Well, as you know, Pit, she can use her semblance to turn into a tornado of some kind and will hit you when you least expect it. She can also split herself up for… some reason." Palutena mused.
"She also leaves a trail of rose petals behind. What is she, a rose petal factory or something? At least there'll be no shortage of rose petals, that's for sure." Viridi mused.
"Ruby also has her scythe where she swings it for wide attacks or for close range attacks. She's also pretty stylish with it! She can even turn it into a high impact sniper rifle when she wants to."
"How the devil can she do THAT?" Viridi wondered. "She turns an ordinary scythe to a freakin' sniper rifle! Not only that, her scythe can shoot, which she can also use to slow her fall if used below her. Seriously, what is that thing made out of?"
"Watch out for Ruby's speed, she's quick and nimble, so she'll definitely gain the upper hand if you're not careful." Palutena warned. "Oh, and Pit? Just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean you should go easy on her."
"Don't worry! I won't go easy on her, and she won't go easy on me! Isn't that right, Ruby?"
"Yeah!"
"Heh, the way you two fight? You probably fight like an old married couple." Viridi snarked.
"HEY!" Both of them yelled.
"That's what you get for making me eat that sandwich!"
Weiss
"Oh joy, it's little miss ice queen." Viridi sarcastically said. "Just wail on her until she falls. She's a delicate little snowflake. Seriously, what are you standing around for? You can just flick her on the head and she'll get herself KO'd!"
"Okay, Viridi? Weiss is more than that." Pit told her.
"I have to agree. She held her own against Lucina and her friends." Palutena reminded.
"Pffft! She got lucky! Need I remind you that all three of us watched that battle on Angeltube where Weiss got obliterated by that snow queen? She can't take a hit to save her life! Not to mention she can't even win a battle to save her life either. They probably went easy on her."
"Oh, let it go!" Pit exclaimed.
"Weiss's attacks are not to be messed with. While she mostly uses ice, she can use a variety of dust in Myrtenaster's chamber. Fire, wind, electricity, even gravity. She uses these elements to her advantage when she sees fit."
"And yet, she couldn't take a backhand to the face from a guy with a chainsaw." Viridi rolled her eyes. "Tell me, what makes her so special to be on team RWBY?"
"She has glyphs!" Pit said. "She can summon a knight for her Final Smash!"
"She's also the most versatile." Palutena added.
"Pfft, yeah right. She's the candidate for 'Most likely to be skewered by a fiery javelin'." Viridi snarked. "Watch, it's gonna happen and you can thank me later."
"Hey! Don't diss on the ice queen!" Pit yelled.
"You can't run away from the truth, Pit!"
"…Why do I feel like I'm being insulted?" Weiss wondered to herself.
Blake
"Hey, it's the bookworm!" Pit exclaimed.
"So let me get this straight… she's a faunus, AKA a human with animal-like traits? Did I get that right?" Viridi asked.
"Well, not exactly-"
"So she's a walking science experiment!" Viridi exclaimed.
"Faunus have a hard solemn history of being discriminated against humans. Blake is no exception." Palutena said.
"Tell me something, Palutena. Have they shown humans discriminating Faunus, or was that just a big ol "Talk and no bite" situation? Let me know when that happens because I'm not seeing any discrimination at all. Talk about wasted opportunity… and no, a sign saying "No Faunus allowed" doesn't cut it!"
"Well, the Faunus have formed a group called the White Fang where they were shown to be peaceful and trying to get rid of discrimination… and then Blake's ex-boyfriend stepped in, made things worse, and now the White Fang are ironically the things they swore to stop. They are killing humans. Blake used to be part of the White Fang, but she left on her own terms."
"Whoa, time out! Did you say they're killing humans?" Viridi asked. "Where do I sign up?!"
"Okay, first, you have to be a Faunus in order to join the White Fang. Secondly, I don't think they allow goddesses."
"Ugh! Picky picky!"
"Anyway, Blake is known for being mysterious. She had Gambol Shroud which can act like a whip, but it is also a gun." Palutena said.
"UGH! Is everything in Remnant a gun? Next thing you tell me, a chair will turn into a gun!" Viridi said exasperatedly. "Or a jackhammer! Or a tree! I wouldn't be surprised if they turned nature into guns!"
"Anyway, Blake can also use her semblance to make a shadow clone of herself where they disappear when someone hits it, leaving them wide open for a surprise attack."
"Ooooh, a Shadow Clone, you say?" Pit mused. "Like a… Shadow Clone Jut-"
"I'm not that kind of ninja." Blake told him.
"Aww…"
"You really gotta watch a different anime, Pit…" Viridi told him.
"By the way, Blake… what kind of book do you usually read?" Pit asked.
"Trust me, Pit… you don't want to know." Palutena told him.
Yang
"I'm just gonna say this… Yang scares me." Pit gulped.
"Why's that? Because she killed you that one time?" Viridi asked. "Which reminds me, I'm surprised that wasn't caught on video. I want to see what happened!"
"No, it's because she's a walking raging demon!" Pit responded.
"I do have to admit, all that anger CANNOT be healthy…" Palutena mused.
"Seriously, you even look at her funny and she'll clobber you into next week!"
"Sure, she's chipper but when you make her angry… that's when she turns into a demon." Palutena said.
"Oh, come on… you guys are literally blowing this out of proportion." Viridi said. "Just keep wailing on her and she'll eventually go down! Sure, her semblance is a force to be reckoned with and is Giga Mac on steroids, but you have to remember: She loses control of herself when she's angry! Use that to your advantage! She throws a massive temper tantrum and her IQ gets thrown out the window, assuming if she HAS IQ to begin with. Need I remind you that a human made out of ice cream knocked her out… and didn't even get hit ONCE! There's also her sparring matches with Tifa… and I haven't seen her win a match ONCE! So you tell me… is she really as dangerous as you make her out to be?"
"Uh… if you cut her hair, she'll go into a blind rage!" Pit pointed out.
"Remember what I said about IQ? She's all "Punch first, ask questions literally the next day later." Viridi said. "I'm surprised she's even in Smash! …Then again, we have Ridley and K. Rool."
"I'd be careful if I were you, Viridi…" Palutena warned.
"Oh huh! What's she gonna do? Throw a tantrum? I will not be surprised if she attacks a fellow human AFTER she wins a match in a tournament. It's gonna happen, just watch! Oh, and her puns? Give me a break… I've heard better puns than THAT! Seriously, she's not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed… and that's an INSULT to the tools in the shed! Seriously, she makes Pyrrhon look smart!"
"Hey! Pit! Would you stop talking to your goddess so I can pummel you into next week!" Yang called out.
"Yipe! Uh… coming!"
"I'm gonna take you with a Yang!"
"GODS DANG IT, YANG!" All three yelled.
I've always wanted to do a Palutena's Guidance for RWBY... and here I finally did it! So because of that, I was going to do more skits in this chapter, but I thought to myself "Nah, let's not. Let's just make this a standalone thing to make it stand out more!" I think it works, no?
Also, regarding my thing about the Assist Trophy thing... I wasn't clear enough, my bad. I was aiming for "Hey, this would be a cool thing if Sakurai did this!" and not for myself, y'know? Anyway, I thought it was a good idea, but as SomeUnnamedIdiot pointed out, that would've been redundant. I didn't exactly think it the whole way through. Whoops! It happens!
Anyway, take care, y'all!