Juice slipped his hands underneath Alex' shirt, settling them on her flat stomach. It was hard to believe there was a little girl or boy growing inside her. The past days had been so chaotic he hadn't found time to be actually happy about it. Now, he forced himself to think about their little one, instead of his former president who he had killed. He bent his head, kissing Alex' neck. She sighed softly. They were sitting on the bed and watching a show, although he knew neither of them was actually watching. He wrapped his arms tighter around her. He had almost lost her today. He had almost fucking lost her. Again.

Alex looked over her shoulder. She looked exhausted. "You okay?"

Juice shrugged his shoulders. "I really need a vacation," he muttered.

Not something he'd had the past years. Going to a tropical island with Alex – yeah, that would be nice. Maybe his body would finally de-stress a little.

She snuggled up to him, giving him no answer; she knew very well that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

An hour ago they had confessed everything to Jax – and to the rest of the club. Everyone was in shock because of Clay's passing, although he doubted it was because of the man's death. They rather feared for their relationship with the IRA, who'd only wanted to continue the gun trade with Clay – which turned out to be the actual reason why Jax had kept him alive for so long.

Alex had gotten an earful about it; Chibs was furious because she hadn't discussed this with him before she went to Clay. Juice however noticed they believed the prospect had shown character for wanting to be honest with Clay before she would confess their missteps to the club. The others knew Clay all too wel, and even though Jax was angry, he seemed to understand how Clay was able to let Shane do his dirty work.

Again there had been a vote to decide if they still wanted Shane in, now the murder on the two Nomads left a different taste in their mouths. But everything was so fucked up, every member carried out stupid actions and they believed Shane still had great potential. Juice believed it were her transparency and willingness to face the consequences of her actions that had saved her ass once again.

Long, exhausting days followed. Juice stayed in the background, being aware of the fact that Jax was busy cutting their ties to both the cartel and the IRA, which led to the umpteenth shooting. Luckily there were no victims on their side – and neither Alex nor Juice himself had been there. Yet, there was a knot in his stomach. As much as they wanted to free themselves from the organisations that had controlled their lives over the past year; Juice wasn't sure they could. His anxiety reached its limits; he simply couldn't shake off the bad feeling that something horrible was about to come.

And with good reason.

Not long after the shooting the Irish took their revenge; they went to the warehouse and murdered the two guys who had stood guard. Two prospects. Half of the prospects were gone in the blink of an eye.

Alex was one of the two who was still left, and it felt like she was dancing with the devil as well.

Although Juice knew this was a subject she didn't want to talk about, he grabbed her hands at one night, looking up to her with pleading and teary eyes. He was close to another panic attack.

"I'm scared," he whispered. "Almost all prospects we had over the years, are dead. Kip, Miles, V-Lin, Phil... You and Rat are the only ones that are still left."

Alex sighed. The look in her eyes however was inexorably. "I have two months left. I will pull through. They don't give me any dangerous tasks anyway."

"The tasks of the others weren't supposed to be dangerous either," he objected. "Alex, the baby..."

"Don't involve the baby in this!" she snapped, yanking her hand away. "Beforehand, you knew I would continue to prospect and you still wanted me to have this baby. I told you I wasn't going to give up on anything and you agreed."

Juice swallowed a sigh. That might be true, but he had expected Alex to develop at least some sort of mother instinct, convincing her to take no more risks. Juice couldn't shake off the heavy feeling. He got up and headed to the kitchen. Although he hadn't smoked or drank booze since Alex's pregnancy – as he had promised her – he took a bottle of whiskey from the cupboards, poured a glass and slammed it.

The heavy feeling didn't go away. Alex had almost died so many times that he just knew she was asking too much of her luck. How could he allow that to happen? He wanted her to quit, but he knew they would only burden her with more responsibilities, now two prospects had died.

Tears jumped in his eyes. What kind of man was he, if he couldn't even control his own Old Lady? If he allowed his unborn child to be in so much danger? But he didn't know what else he could do. He had already shared his concerns and Alex didn't seem to care much about them. He neither dared to elaborate on the subject too much. Deep inside, he was afraid that Alex would confess that she rather lost their baby than her patch. It made him feel sick. Her obsession was unhealthy. The idea to tell his brothers that she was a girl had crossed his mind multiple times, but every time he backed away.

Alex would lose her mind – and in her anger, she might lash out at him, telling everyone that he was the one who had stolen the brick of coke instead of Miles. Too many times she had lost control over her words during a rage.

But he had to do something, right? What if she really was the next one that they would have to bury? He would never forgive himself. The rest of his life he would wish that he would have found a way to take action. But if she didn't want to listen to him – would there be anyone she would be willing to listen to?

"Call Jaeden."

Juice studied Mila's face. He had gone to her to share his concerns, knowing that she was just as worried about her friend as Juice himself. "They've barely spoken to each other since they saw each other in Colorado."

Mila shrugged her shoulders. "One of the reasons she broke contact back then, was because she knew Jaeden would talk her out of the plan to become a prospect. Not because he didn't want her to find closure, but because he doubted her mental stability. If she failed to function properly inside the army, why would she function well inside a gang? Alex knew that if there was anyone who could convince her to abandon her plan, it would be him."

Juice bit the inside of his cheek. "She will be furious when I ask him to come over."

"Probably," Mila admitted. "But it's not like you've never experienced that before. In the end, she will come to her senses."

Juice sighed.

Mila reached for his hand, squeezing it. "You want her to quit?"

There was no doubt in his heart. "I do."

"Me too," she said. "For a long time. Share your concerns with Jaeden and let him talk to her. If he fails to convince her either..." Sadly, she shook her head. "Then we can only pray that nothing bad will happen to her."

This was a bit of a summarizing chapter. I'm close to abandoning the original story line now and adding some of my own ideas, although there will surely be some overlap. (:

What do you think of Juice's wish for Alex to quit? And Alex's desire to control her own life? You think involving Jaeden in all of this is going to turn out well? I'd love to hear your thoughts! 3