In the following weeks, Jekyll fell into a deep depression.
The absence of the man who had once been – no, was a part of his soul weighed heavily on him. No one was surprised, really. They weren't supposed to be apart.
But Utterson hadn't expected it to hit his Doctor that hard.
For the first days, Jekyll threw himself into his work as a physician, obviously hoping that being around his patients would fill the void Hyde had left. He seemed cheerful, even though it was obviously a facade. Obvious to Utterson, Lanyon and Lady Summers, that is. No one else noticed. Jekyll was a good actor.
But after a week he dropped that facade and locked himself away, letting no one in. Only Poole was allowed into the Doctor's private rooms to bring him the meals.
The cause was a cheque that Hyde had sent – it was a surprisingly large sum and everyone wondered where Hyde had got the money.
Jekyll apparently had assumed the worst and got more miserable than he already was.
"How is he?", Utterson and Lanyon asked the butler every day, when he came back from his master.
But Poole always shook his head sadly and Utterson's heart shattered into pieces every time.
It was three weeks after Hyde's leave, that the butler finally sent a note and begged them to come immediately. As soon as the lawyer and the white-haired doctor arrived, Poole informed them, that his master was gravely ill, drinking a lot, but not eating. They wasted no time and darted upstairs into his private quarters.
What they saw, when they burst into his study was little surprising, but it horrified them nevertheless.
It was cold in here, the fire in the fireplace was tiny.
Jekyll was sitting in his armchair near it and looking positively awful: he was emaciated, pale and his eyes were empty.
When he noticed them, he looked up.
"Oh. Good evening", he whispered weakly.
Utterson's heart shattered into even smaller pieces. He ran over to the man and cupped his face in his hands.
"God, Henry … what have you done to yourself?"
Then he began to weep into the unkempt blond hair.
He felt Jekyll tense up, then lean into his shoulder.
"Oh, Gabriel … I'm so sorry."
He could feel one hand caress his sides, while the other was petting his back.
"Hurting people and making them cry … that's all I'm good for, huh?"
"Henry, please don't say that-"
"It's true. Even the other half of my self hates me. I drove him away."
"Henry, please. He'll come around, once-"
"No. I got one chance to make it better this time and I messed it up."
Utterson knew, he was referring to his breakup with Lanyon eleven years ago. Looking at the latter, he seemed to be pained by the memory.
"Henry, don't say that. We'll tell him of your condition, he'll come back and everything will be fine."
"It's too late … he won't come back to me, no matter what I do. So what's the point?"
Utterson hadn't thought that it was possible for his heart to break into even smaller pieces. But Jekyll's voice sounded so hopeless and weary, that it did.
He tightened his hug around the younger man and cried harder.
Jekyll began to cry as well. "You have now idea, how I'm really feeling right now! Sometimes I see him and hear his voice and then I feel worse than before, because I know it's only my wishful imagination. I'm losing my mind. Forgive me, Gabriel, oh forgive me! I love you – god, I love you so much! – but I love him too. I miss him. I need him. I can't live without him! Edward … oh, Edward!"
He went limp in Utterson's arms and just sobbed into his shoulder. At this point, the lawyer could feel the tears soak his waistcoat and shirt.
This was just bizarre. They were two old fools, bawling their eyes out over someone who wasn't there, while their friend was standing by, looking as helpless as Utterson felt.