Hello again. About seven months later. Oof.
Reply to Reviews:
not a straight trumpet: Well, that's good. This definitely is not what it was in 2013, though.
pertemis45: :)
Chucklz-lives-on: Pardon?
FlareOfTheMidnightPanther: Thank you :)
Guest: We like being confusing here at WSGB Enterprises. So maybe, but maybe not.
"I COME BEARING NEWS!" Hawkfire announced, crashing from the sky into a Gathering, which was just everyone crammed on the island. It didn't generally go well.
"WHAT IS YOUR NEWS?!" Bramblestar screeched, as he clung onto the trunk high up in the tree, since that was the only spot he could obtain if he didn't want to go for a swim, which many, many cats were currently doing, since everyone and Ferncloud's kits were at the Gathering and that was the only feasible option to be considered relevant to the moment. He was also eating cheese curds. For some reason. This will be important. Pay attention.
"BRAMBLESTAR! I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR COMMENTARY!" Hawkfire screamed at him.
Bramblestar whimpered, "But… but I was… just trying to ask what your news was… I was just trying to let you know you were heard!"
"That was so very unnecessary of you. Everyone hears me, always." Hawkfire said dismissively.
"I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE NICE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVER AGAIN. I WILL NEVER BE NICE AGAIN!" Bramblestar declared dramatically. "YOU ALL ARE WEENIES AND I HATE EVERYONE! I'M JUST TRYING TO EAT MY CHEESE CURDS AND LIVE MY BEST LIFE BUT YOU'RE REALLY JUST HATING ON ME, HUH?!"
Squirrelflight shot out of the crowd of cats on the island and landed on the tree, facing down at Bramblestar with an intense glare. "If you ever say that word again, I will divorce you."
"What word?" Bramblestar asked. "Nice?"
"Weenie?" Jayfeather asked.
Lionblaze grinned wickedly up at her foster mother. "Oh… curd?"
"Oh…" Hollyleaf grinned. "What, do you not appreciate the great country, the United States of Americurd?"
"What about the goalie of the Chicago Blackhawks, Corey Crawcurd? Or the famed model, Cindy Crawcurd?" Jayfeather asked. "Do you not have appreciation for sports or popular curdture?"
"Not even Sidney Curdsby? The absolute legend? Or quarterbacks Curd Newton or Curdson Wentz, both making names for themselves in the NFL?" Lionblaze asked. "Or what about the TV show, Curd Your Enthusiasm?"
"Do you have no appreciation for recurding artists? They work really hard, you know." Jayfeather shook his head.
"What about the cute little Nintendo character, Curdby? He's so cute!" Hollyleaf squealed.
"Do you not like curdinals? They're such pretty birds!" Lionblaze exclaimed.
"If you can't appreciate those, we may just have to take you out to the curd, because that just seems trashy." Jayfeather said. "You just sound uncurdtured, Squirrelflight!"
"Hehe. Curd rhymes with 'turd'." Bramblestar giggled.
"BRAMBLESTAR!" Hollyleaf yowled. "WE WERE HAVING A MOMENT, WE WERE ON A ROLL, AND YOU RUINED IT!"
"Lionblaze was even being clever! And now that hot streak is over!" Jayfeather hissed, lashing his tail over to his brother, who was thinking real hard about how to get back on track. "Curd.. turd.. sured… mured… crabs… yup, I've lost it. Come on, Bramblestar, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"
"Thank StarClan that was ruined." Squirrelflight rolled her eyes.
"HEL-LO, I STILL HAVE NEWS!" Hawkfire screamed.
"Apologies. What was your news?" Bramblestar asked politely.
"You know what, get out." Hawkfire clapped her paws and Bramblestar fell from the tree and lost a life.
"Rude." He huffed upon revival.
"ANYWAYS!" Hawkfire yelled. "I have decided, after many moons of thinking, that I have chosen a career path."
"Being the ultimate leader of crazy or whatever this is wasn't the career?" Cloudtail asked.
Hawkfire shook her head. "No… I always considered this to be a side hobby. I've enjoyed it and all, but I've never been able to make a living out of it. Unless I steal or I use my powers that allowed me to become ultimate leader in the first place. And I mean, I do do that, but I would like to try to make an honest living. And I think I've settled on a true passion that would allow me to do just that." She took a deep breath. "I am going to become a professional hockey player."
"Are you now?" Whitestreak raised his eyebrows. "How're you going to do that? Do you even know how to skate?"
"Of course I know how to skate, you ninny," Hawkfire said dismissively. "I just can't stop, but who needs to do that? The whole point is to go faster, faster, faster, faster, faster."
"You have to be able to stop. What if somebody steals the puck from you and you have to change direction quickly?" Bramblestar added.
"NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINIONS, BRAMBLESTAR!" Hawkfire screamed, clapping her paws again, and Bramblestar simply vanished into thin air. Hawkfire sighed. "Much better."
"He does bring up a valid point, you know." Whitestreak said.
"No, he doesn't. I don't get the puck stolen from me." Hawkfire responded.
"What if it gets stolen from one of your teammates?" Whitestreak asked.
"Not possible. It is me, myself, and I. And possibly Marc-Andre Fleury. Maybe. I'm still up in the air. I think I'd just like to play all positions myself, but he seems like a fun guy." Hawkfire said.
"What if it gets stolen from him?" Squirrelflight asked.
"You know what, you can join your husband. Bye." Hawkfire clapped her paws and Squirrelflight disappeared. "And on that note, it will be me, myself, and I. I am Seattle's expansion team and I have decided I will also be GM, coach, and every other important role that needs to be filled. Equipment manager, trainer, referee, you name it. I will play every position and I will win the Stanley Cup in a week."
"Not possible!" Smartkit announced.
"YOU CAN SHUT UP, KIT!" Hawkfire declared.
"I can shut up, but I wouldn't like to." Smartkit said.
"Shut up." Hawkfire ignored him. "Again, I will win the Stanley Cup in a week. It will be great and all other teams will bow at my greatness."
"It's not happening." Whitestreak said. "Also, you need to bring Squirrelflight and Bramblestar back."
"AND APOLOGIZE TO MY BABY!" Ferncloud screeched. "YOU DO NOT TELL MY CHILD TO SHUT UP!"
"Yes it is," Hawkfire said to Whitestreak. "And no I don't, I don't have to do anything." She said to Ferncloud.
Through tears, Smartkit wailed, "She's right!"
"I will be superior to all players in their prime and the team will be simply known as "Hawkfire". The goal song will be "O God, Save the Star Spangled Canada" and we will have the Washington Capitals' goal horn, because that is the most annoying thing on earth and it goes very well with everything else that's going on here."
"I'd like to see you skate." Whitestreak commented.
"I don't feel like it right now, so there."
"I also think you're going to need to ask the Capitals if you can have their goal horn." Whitestreak added.
"No. We will storm the arena and take it and they will have no choice but to give it to us." Hawkfire shook her head. "Anything you can think of that may be a potential problem can be solved so quickly, why even bother coming up with more issues with my clearly-perfect plan?"
"Because it is clearly not perfect." Whitestreak objected.
"I wish I could poof you away." Hawkfire glared at him.
Whitestreak shrugged. "I'm glad I can be a voice of reason."
"And I'm glad I can ignore you!" Hawkfire exclaimed. "To the rink we go!" She clapped her paws and the entirety of the Clans landed in an ice rink. They overflowed the stadium and waited for Hawkfire to make her appearance on the ice.
"She-cats and toms, please put your paws together for the one, the only, Hawkfire!" An announcer declared.
Hawkfire raced onto the ice in a tutu and began sliding around the ice while "O God, Save the Star Spangled Canada" played from the speakers and the Washington Capitals goal horn wailed. Hawkfire attempted to do several figure skating moves, failing each time.
"WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?!" Hawkfire screeched.
"YOU NEED A TOE PICK! YOU'RE WEARING HOCKEY SKATES, NOT FIGURE SKATES!" Smartkit yelled from the stands.
"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!" Hawkfire yelled.
"But am I wrong? No. Although you seemingly brought us here for a hockey game, you seem to have turned this into a figure skating exposition. And you can't figure skate in hockey skates." Smartkit said.
"POOEY!" Hawkfire screamed.
And that was about that on that.