Forever and Always

Final Straw

Casey was struggling to stay awake. He was sitting back against the headboard, book open in his hand, and the cats were curled up on the bed. "I wish she'd stop doing this," he commented, voice heavy.

"Huh?" Severide glanced at him.

"It's almost midnight," he spoke.

"She is a grown woman," Severide responded, realising who Casey was talking about. He put the most recent firefighter magazine down on his lap, he'd seen the article he'd wanted to read now anyway.

"Yeah, staying in our house. I'm not waiting up for her…"

"You seem to be waiting up for her," Severide pointed out, eyebrow raised.

Casey sighed heavily. "I feel like crap. Think I'm getting another cold and here I am, the second time this week, waiting for my mom to return home…"

"If you feel like crap, go to sleep," he told him.

"I didn't care the first time, was too exhausted to care or stay awake but now… how long has it been now?" Casey asked.

"Six weeks," he answered, sighing as heavily as Casey had. It had been six weeks since she'd appeared at their doorstep, five weeks since Casey had spent two nights in a motel, and four weeks since Severide had started seeing a therapist for two hours a week. Casey didn't bring the subject up, he knew that if Severide wanted to talk to him about it all then he would, just like Severide had done for Casey all those times he needed privacy, and trust.

"It's getting ridiculous…" Casey spoke, shaking his head.

"You wanna tell her?"

Casey just looked at him with mock petulance. "No."

"Thought so…"

"Hey, when you go out tomorrow to your… thing…"

"My therapy session," Severide spoke.

"Yes, that." He smiled. "Could you go by the pharmacy, I'm really low on painkillers…"

"That seems to have come around quickly?" Severide said questioningly, but he didn't give it too much thought.

"Yeah, I thought that but then I figured I probably didn't have them for a while 'cause Andrea would give me a shot if I needed something, so compared to January I suppose the last couple of months seem like I've had more... and maybe with physio my pain levels increased a little too?" Casey said, words slurred and shrugging tiredly.

"Yeah, that would make sense," he responded.

"Hmm…. yeah…"

"And I'll pick some up for you… after my thing," Severide told him, grinning at how Casey was avoiding even mentioning his therapy sessions.

Casey smiled back at him.

"You're not gonna stay awake, you can barely keep your eyes open…"

"I'm going to talk to her tomorrow," Casey announced.

"Yeah?"

"Not gonna kick her out, but I've got to talk to her," he continued.

"Where's this sudden bravery coming from?"

"Hey! I am brave…"

"In all matters, excluding your mother," Severide teased.

"I kinda owe her," he said with a small shrug, eyes almost closed as he battled against sleep.

"You really don't, Matt… get some rest, I'll wait up a little longer," Severide told him, leaning over and giving him a kiss.

Casey didn't talk to his mom the next day, he really did feel like he owed her for the kidney, but he could tell her presence wasn't making Severide happy, even if he wasn't admitting it. Besides, Casey wasn't thrilled with it either, but he didn't want to cause an argument, he knew how heated things quickly became between them.

He did talk to her the next day though. Severide was at the firehouse and he'd been alone most of the day, managing to go for a short walk around their block whilst being accosted by several neighbours, all who were still pleased he was on the mend. His mom walked into the house, having been dropped off from a car Casey didn't recognise again, and he knew it was time to talk to her.

"Mom… coffee?" he asked.

"You stay sitting, I'll get myself one, do you want a drink?"

He shook his head. "I'm good… we need to talk."

She was soon sitting opposite him at the dining table, Severide's usual place. "You want me to leave," she presumed.

"No, I'd just like to know what's happening…"

"You always liked to be in the know when you were growing up," Nancy spoke.

"So are you going to tell me? I mean, what are you doing for money? You were working in New York?"

"I looked after our apartment, just like I looked after our house," she told him.

"Ok, so what are you going to do now? Do you need help? You can stay here whilst you get back on your feet but…"

"But you don't want me here," Nancy finished.

"I think we just need a plan," he said.

"What do you do?"

He frowned. "Huh?"

"For money now? Do you just get money from the government?"

"Erm… no," he paused, swallowing. "I have a small carpentry business. It helps."

"Good," she responded.

"Yeah, so… what's your plan? Are you getting a divorce?" he asked her.

"I've not spoken to him," she answered.

"Don't you think you should?" he retorted.

"I don't think it's any of your business…"

"When you're staying in our house it is my business. I don't even know where you are half the time," he said, voice raised now as he struggled to contain his feelings.

"I'm your mother, you don't need to know where I am every second of the day," she told him.

"Who were you with this morning?"

"And old friend," she replied.

Casey put his elbow on the table, running a hand through his hair for a moment before continuing. "You can't stay here forever. You can stay, but there's a limit."

"And you're going to kick me out again?"

"I don't want to," he said, closing his eyes, feeling a headache coming on.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. But all this isn't fine. You need to talk to your husband, decide what's happening, if you're just taking a break then fine but you need to talk to him, just ignoring it all is never good," Casey spoke.

"I'll get everything sorted, it's nothing for you to worry about," she responded.

"I want you to be happy… if you're moving back to Chicago maybe we can help you find an apartment and a job…"

"With my criminal record?"

"Look, I just want to help, and things can't stay like this," he replied wearily, patience almost worn out now.

"I'm working things out, you trust me?"

Casey looked up at her. "Yeah…" he answered despondently.

"You looked like you need some rest, I'll make you some dinner later, how does that sound?"

"Sounds great, mom," he said, tone monotonous as he stood up and left her alone at the table. He really did need to go and lie down for a few hours.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he woke up groggily to the sound of his phone. He must have been in a light sleep for a text message to wake him. It was from Severide, he'd sent him a link to a YouTube video, he watched it, still waking up. He then responded and got himself up, put his leg on and left the room, leaving the bed unmade. His mom was nowhere to be found and he was actually glad of that after their earlier conversation.

Casey's nightmares didn't happen nearly as often as they used to, but when they did, they were horrific, the medication he took at 8pm often made him drowsy, meaning it almost felt as though he was trapped in painfilled memories until Severide managed to wake him. On this particular night he woke himself, barely able to catch a breath. Severide woke too and quickly got into action, turning up the oxygen level on the tank and slipping the mask back over Casey's panicking face.

The noise had woken Nancy. Worried, she entered her son's bedroom. She found him lying in Severide's arm, struggling to catch his breath. Severide's hand was placed gently on his chest through the front of his pyjama top.

"Should I call an ambulance?" she asked.

Severide just shook his head, concentrating on Casey. Speaking to him, words that she couldn't hear. She stared at her son, watching him as he struggled, he looked so small in Severide's arm, so fragile.

"Is there anything I can do?" she spoke again.

"No, just leave, give him space," Severide responded, breaking his rhythm.

"Why don't I take over?" she said, ignoring his request.

"You can't help him."

She remained standing in the doorway for a moment before turning abruptly and closing the door as she left.

Casey's voice broke the still frantic rhythm of his breaths. "Kel…"

"S'all right, almost over. You're doing so well. Just concentrate on my breaths… that's it…"

Casey's strained voice interrupted him. "Don't leave me… don't leave me down here…"

"Shh… don't speak, just breathe…" he soothed, his hand remained flat on Casey's chest, he could feel his breaths calming. "That's it, you're all right… your lungs are filling up with oxygen… you're breathing… you're all right…"

Casey relaxed into Severide's body as his breathing eased, his chest was still tight, aching and tired now, but he could breathe again. "Thank you…" he muttered just loud enough for Severide to hear.

"Are you in any pain?" Severide asked him softly.

He nodded a little in response.

"All right, I'm gonna move, ok? But I'll be right back," Severide told him, slowly and gently lifting Casey off his chest so he could slip out from under him.

"No…"

"It's all right, you're ok now, and I'll be right back," he reassured Casey, moving away from him.

He stepped out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly, giving Casey some privacy because his mom was already heading over.

"He's fine now," Severide told her, blocking her from entering.

"I could have helped," she responded, voice almost whiny as she watched Severide open up the medical cabinet that was hidden away, disguised as one of the kitchen cabinets.

Severide got what he needed and turned to her. "No offence but I've dealt with this for a long time. I know what I'm doing, you don't."

Severide returned quickly with a few pills in his hand and a fresh glass of water, he smiled sadly at the sight he saw. Casey had closed his eyes, his right hand was clutching at one of the pillows, his lips were moving, he was murmuring but Severide couldn't hear what he was saying.

Severide sat down on his side of the bed, the dip in the mattress caused Casey to open his eyes. He was aware at least, Severide thought.

"Hey," he began, speaking gently to Casey.

"Hey…"

"Can you sit up a little for me? Just for a moment. I need you to take these," Severide explained, showing him the medication.

He looked at Severide for the longest moment before moving, Severide helped him to sit upright so he could swallow the pills. It was a painfully slow process, his throat struggled with the number of pills he had to take throughout the day.

"Ok, all done," Severide said, putting the glass of water down on the side. "Let's put this back on…" he said as he picked up the oxygen mask.

"Kel…"

"No complaining," he responded as the mask slipped into position over Casey's mouth and nose. He moved back onto the bed himself, allowing Casey to lay back onto him, their breaths quickly synchronising.

Casey soon fell back to sleep, safe in Severide's arms. Severide stayed awake, listening to his breathing, his hand had slipped between the fastened buttons of Casey's pyjama top again, it lay flat on his warm skin, he could feel the top of the laparotomy scar, feel Casey's ribs under a thin layer of flesh, but most importantly he could feel his heart beating and his lungs breathing. In and out, in and out, in and out… Severide soon fell asleep too.

Casey woke blearily, his chest still ached, his whole body was sore but he smiled, feeling Severide's arm wrapped loosely around him, feeling his hand on his chest. He moved a little, trying hard not to disturb Severide, but the position they were in made that difficult, and the fact that his body was tired and cumbersome.

"Baby?"

"Bathroom," Casey responded simply.

"Here, let me…." Quickly Severide was standing in front of him on his side of the bed, holding his crutches with one arm and reaching around his waist to help him up. Casey accepted the help, used the bathroom and allowed Severide to help him back into the warmth of the bed. "It's not even 6am yet, get some more sleep," Severide told him, passing him the oxygen mask.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too," Severide responded, smiling.

"Today…"

"Today all you need to do is rest," Severide said.

"Today is physio and cake," he responded, looking up at the ceiling as he thought.

"Both can be rescheduled."

"Took ages to get a tasting session at that bakery…"

"We have time… or if you're worried about it, I could just go on my own…" Severide suggested.

Casey just looked at him.

"I could take Shay with me… I'd rather we did it together though," he said.

"Don't care what cake we have," Casey responded.

"I know, me either…"

"Shay cares," he said.

Severide chuckled. "She does."

"She wants it to be special… every day is special though…"

Severide smiled. "I think you should get some sleep, you get soppy when you're tired."

"Mmm…."

"Go to sleep."

Just before 8am Severide was forced to wake Casey so he could take his medications. He groaned but did as Severide said, sitting up a little as Severide tipped the pills from the Thursday morning slot of the organiser onto his hand. He gave them to Casey two at a time, it was easier that way.

Casey settled back down into the bed covers, frowning for a moment before opening his eyes again and looking at Severide. "Was my mom in here last night?"

Severide just shook his head.

"Good… had a horrible feeling that I woke her…"

Casey made it to their wedding cake tasting, they chose the one they wanted, and had a fun time trying out all the different options. When they got home, things were a different matter though. His mom seemed to have been waiting for their return, she was standing with her arms folded and her lips pursed.

"Matt, you should really go back to bed. You shouldn't have gone out, sweetie," his mother began no less than two seconds after he had stepped through the front door.

"I'm fine, mom…"

"But last night…" she began.

Casey didn't listen to her, he just looked over at Severide who was hanging his jacket up on the coat rack. "Sorry," Severide mouthed to him. Casey understood why Severide hadn't wanted him to know that his mom had seen him last night. He wasn't upset that Severide had tried to protect him.

"Mom, I'm fine. Really," Casey insisted, stopping her from continuing whatever it was she was saying.

But Nancy went on. "How about I make us some food…"

"I couldn't eat anything even if I wanted right now," Casey responded, chuckling, hand on his belly, still full from trying all the cakes.

"Do you let him do this?" Nancy was suddenly speaking to Severide.

Severide frowned. "Huh?"

"You say you know how to deal with him, but look at him…"

"Hey!" Casey's voice rose. "I am right here."

"Why don't you go sit down, you look…"

"I want you to go," he announced.

"What?"

"By the end of the week you need to be gone," he reiterated. "You can't stay here. You can call me and you can visit, you can come to the wedding, but you can't stay here."

Nancy looked at him for the longest moment before speaking. "I saved your life."

"You gave me a kidney, you also tore my life apart when I was barely sixteen…"

"Matthew…"

"Don't Matthew me. I'm done. This is over. Feels like you've just been taking advantage of me these last few weeks and…"

"You're my son," she spoke, standing her ground.

"You should have thought about that before you killed dad. You should have thought about that when I was lying in the hospital with no leg. You should have thought about that every time I called you since you left Chicago. I am your son, but you're barely my mother."

"Your dad…"

"I don't want to hear it, it's too late for anymore excuses. You were both as bad as each other, but I still loved you both. You never had to kill him. You understand what happened to me after, don't you?" he questioned.

"You were safe from…"

"I was far from safe, and I was alone," Casey responded. "You have until the end of the week to leave, to go wherever… I don't care where, just not here."

Nancy glanced from her son to Severide, who had remained stony faced throughout the conversation. "Well," she began. "I can see I'm not wanted, I'll sort something out…"

"Good."

She walked away from them both, Casey followed her with his eyes as she slipped into the spare room and closed the door. Then Severide could see him starting to visibly tremble, letting out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. There wasn't little point in asking if he was all right, it was clear to Severide even before his mother had walked away that he was not.

"I'm proud of you," Severide spoke up, watching Casey's face intently.

He took a breath. "For being an ass?"

"For saying how you really feel," Severide divulged.

"As bad as I feel for everything, I said… I'm looking forward to having our house back, our lives back… why are you smiling so much?" he asked, noticing Severide's expression.

"I'm happy… you were annoyed that she implied I don't take good care of you," Severide said.

Casey was smiling now too. "Well, suppose that was the final straw. No one has ever, or will ever look after me like you do."

TBC