Forever and Always

Not Alone

Severide was woken by a noise in the early hours of the morning. He looked over and saw Casey sleeping soundly, so he quietly got out of bed and stepped out of their room, careful not to disturb him. He switched the main light on, startling Midnight who had been stretched out on one of their rugs. Severide noticed the luggage by the front door, and then he found Casey's mother in the kitchen, she was standing by the open medication cupboard.

"You're just going to leave without saying goodbye to him then?" Severide began.

Nancy remained silent.

"You better put those pills back too," he continued. "What did you even need them for?"

She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a zip-lock bag containing at least a dozen pills.

"You're just going to leave then?"

"That's what he wants," she answered.

"I don't think he pictured you leaving in the middle of the night. Where are you going?"

"Does it matter?" she asked.

"It does to him, your son," Severide responded as a pair of headlights lit the front garden for a moment.

"I have to go," she said.

Severide frowned. "You can't even say goodbye to him?"

He was only met with silence.

"Matt loves you," Severide told her. "He is a good person, and he loves you."

"My ride is here. I need to go," she said simply.

"It's almost unbelievable," he commented, shaking his head as he watched her pick up her bags.

Nancy left the house without looking back. Seething, Severide tidied away Casey's medication, vowing not to mention it, Casey didn't need to know that his own mother had been taking his pills. Still unsettled, he ended up giving the house a quick tidy up, putting away the clean dishes that had been left out to dry, tipping a little more cat litter into the tray, and puffing up all the pillows that were scattered on various couches and chairs.

Once he felt a little more at ease, he slipped back into their bedroom and got into bed. Despite his quietness, Casey stirred and turned over, his eyes flickered open. He opened his mouth and spoke but it was garbled beneath the oxygen mask so he tried again. "Everything all right?" he asked Severide, taking his arm.

Severide nodded. "All good, just needed a drink."

Casey smiled tiredly, eyes already closing again as he snuggled against Severide's side. "You're so cosy…" he muttered as he drifted back to sleep.

A few days had passed since Casey's mom and left without so much as a note. Casey had taken it well, surprisingly so from Severide's perspective, but they didn't bring the subject up, it was almost as if she'd never been there in the first place, and if that was how Casey wanted to deal with it, then that was fine with Severide as well.

Severide was currently paused in the doorway, looking into their bedroom. Casey was standing front of the mirror, staring at his reflection, wearing his blue dress jacket, awards and medals still attached, he'd not taken it out of its dust cover for almost five years. He could sense Severide's presence, he smiled. "Good thing I got a new suit…"

"You don't have to come," Severide responded, already dressed ready for the awards ceremony.

"I want to," he said.

"You know… next time you'll be wearing a suit will be our wedding," Severide commented.

"I wish I'd got rid of this," he muttered as he turned around.

Severide was smiling at him. "You look hot…"

"Huh?"

"You know I always wanted to ravish you when you wore your dress blues…"

Casey grinned. "Seems a little inappropriate."

"Yeah…" He chuckled.

"Drowns me now anyway," Casey responded with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"You still look hot… we have half an hour before we need to leave…"

"It's gonna take me half of that to get ready… we can celebrate when we get back," Casey said.

"Oh yeah?" Severide replied, walking up to him.

"Yeah, we…"

Casey couldn't continue, Severide gently pulled him into an embrace, he kissed his lips and travelled down to his neck, loosening his tie and collar as he went. "You're getting changed anyway…" Severide muttered as he lips danced over Casey's skin.

Casey chuckled. "Only the jacket…"

"Can't help it, addicted to you…"

Casey smiled as Severide continued, holding him, kissing him, grabbing his hair and gently lowering him down onto the bed, unfastening his pants. With his mom finally gone, his health improved, and with their relationship improved, Casey and Severide's sex life had sparked back into existence, and they couldn't get enough of each other. Casey slid his hand beneath Severide's boxers and moved so he was lying on top of him now, using his knee as leverage he bent down and returned Severide's kisses.

Then Severide took control again, in the past Severide always took control, Casey enjoyed relinquishing it to him, nowadays he felt as though he had little control over his life, but he still enjoyed how Severide would sometimes take charge in the bedroom.

"Oh, little excited?" Severide commented, smiling, feeling the bulge under Casey's pants.

"Little?"

"Fine. Above average," Severide corrected.

"Continue then," he responded with a teasing smile, and Severide slipped his pants down.

By the time they arrived at the awards ceremony, Casey was dozing in the passenger seat of Severide's car. Their morning's strenuous activities had tired him. He woke Casey gently when they arrived, reminding him that they were in the car and had arrived at the city hall. Once Casey fully woke, they set off into the building and were directed to the main hall where the ceremony would be taking place. The sea of men and women in uniform made Casey feel nostalgic, but he was soon distracted by Shay and Cindy who were waving them over to where a large group of people from 51 had gathered, ready to take their seats.

Casey couldn't help but admire his fiancé, he couldn't take his eyes off Severide as he stood up on the stage with the others who were receiving awards. Shay was smiling with them all as Severide was given his award, though she was also smiling at the expression of love on Casey's face. The ceremony itself didn't last very long, and afterwards people grouped together and spoke, some heading off out of the main hall. Casey walked straight up to Severide, leaning on his crutch when he reached him.

"You looked good up there," Casey said as Severide stroked his jawline. "You deserved this," he continued, touching the award that was now pinned to Severide's chest.

Severide just smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Huh?"

"You coughed," Severide stated.

"Oh, when?" he responded.

"During the ceremony, I was watching you," Severide said.

Casey grinned. "Watching me?"

"Are you feeling all right? You did think you were coming down with a cold?" he asked Casey.

"I feel fine, it was probably just a normal cough, you know, from the meds?"

"Right, yeah, course. You're sure? You thought you were getting sick?" Severide continued.

"I had a bit sniffle last week, nothing now, I promise. Today is about you, about how amazing you are, it's not about me and how sickly I am," he added with a chuckle, but it didn't earn the smile he thought it would from Severide. "Really, everything's good."

Severide just Casey's arm a comforting squeeze. "They've opened the bar in the other hall, drink?"

"Yeah," Casey responded as he glanced around. "Must be where the others have gone."

A voice boomed from behind them as they headed out of the room. "Matthew Casey?"

They turned around to see a man in uniform that neither of them recognised. Casey opened his mouth but didn't respond right away. "Erm…" He swallowed. "Yes?"

"I thought it was you," the man side, offering him a hand.

Casey shook it, his eyes glancing sideways to Severide who seemed amused at the situation.

"I'm sorry about your leg, you do so well," the man announced, smiling toothily.

Severide bit his tongue and waited for Casey's reply. "Oh Right..." Casey began. "Well, we gave it a little funeral and everything so I got a chance to say goodbye."

The man just offered another smile before turning away.

Severide looked to Casey. "I love it when you go all sassy."

He sighed. "Was that mean of me?"

"To be fair, guy was a bit rude," Severide responded. "You do so well," he repeated in a mock voice.

Casey's worry was put a ease and he chuckled. "Come on then, let's get a drink," he said, taking Severide's arm.

"Is this a cute romantic gesture, or do you regret leaving your other crutch in the car?" Severide teased as they walked together.

"I'm fine…" he answered, rolling his eyes.

At home later that day, Casey was sitting on the couch, he'd not moved since they'd returned. Severide got changed out of his uniform and into something more comfortable, he was tired by the day's events, so he could imagine how exhausted Casey was, after a drink in the city hall, they joined everyone else from 51 for a small celebratory gathering at Molly's. In the end, he'd been forced to say they would be leaving as Casey had started to struggle, although insisted they stayed as long as everyone else, so it had been up to Severide to get him home before he completely depleted himself.

Severide sat down on the couch and gently position Casey so that his legs were over his own lap. He pulled out a tub of moisturiser from his pocket and smiled at Casey. Then he slipped off Casey's pants for the second time that day, and took off his prosthetic and leg brace, he kissed his leg then removed the liner.

"I think I owe you an apology. I know I owe you an apology," Severide said as he began to massage Casey's aching limbs.

Tiredly Casey raised his brows. "Slept with someone else already?" he teased.

Severide stammered. "What? No… I…"

"Bad joke," he said, shaking his head.

Recovering, Severide continued. "Erm… I feel like I've been overbearing today and very... worried."

"You weren't… no more than usual," he added, smiling sweetly.

"Good thing you put up with me, don't think anyone else would have me," Severide responded.

Casey chuckled as he thought the same about himself. As his laughter faded, he looked down at his lower half, watching as Severide expertly eased his aching limbs. "Remember when I couldn't even look at them?"

"I do," Severide responded, looking up at him for a moment.

"They didn't look like mine," he said quietly.

Severide grinned. "Well, I don't know why… I mean, one was covered in metal and the other was missing," he quipped.

Casey let out another chuckle.

"Iron man," Severide commented, bringing back memories of their holiday to Hawaii.

A noise caught Casey's attention and looked to his side. "Ah, here they come…" he said, watching Midnight and Pumpkin bounding over to them.

"They've finished their dinner then," Severide concluded.

"After the catnip that fell between the cushions," he commented as their two eager faces approached.

"I did wonder why 'night had her head stuck in them this morning," Severide responded, ditching the moisturiser and digging his hand down into the couch cushions.

He soon drifted off to sleep, happy and content, as he watched Severide teasing their girls with the catnip.

Casey and Severide were standing in the entrance to Lakeshore hospital. It was the middle of the afternoon, and they weren't there because of Casey's health, they were there for Shay, or more specifically Casey was there for her. She'd asked him to do a favour after a discussion they'd had after the awards ceremony.

"You don't have to do this," Severide said as they remained standing. They'd been in the entrance of the hospital for almost ten minutes already.

"I know," he responded, nodding.

"Shay didn't mean you had to do it, it was only a suggestion," Severide pointed out.

"I don't think I could say no," he replied.

"You can't see everyone who goes through something similar to you, you don't need to see anyone at all," Severide said, not convinced all of this was a good idea.

"She connected with him, and feels bad about how it happened," he explained.

"Shitty thing to happen," Severide commented, nodding.

"Why do people still drink and drive?"

Severide gave a grim expression.

"I mean, what do I even say… I lost my leg and I'm fine?" Casey asked him. "Cause I'm not fine all the time…"

"He'll probably appreciate some realism, maybe don't tell him you got hooked on painkillers though," Severide added.

Casey shot him a side glance. He then took a breath, steadying himself. "Right, let's do this."

Severide walked by his side as they headed to the elevators. "You know I'm not doing anything, right?"

"You drove me here… and you're here for moral support, for me," Casey said as the elevator door opened with a ping.

Severide waited outside the hospital room, the familiar smell of the ward had been off-putting for the both of them when they stepped out of the elevator, but Casey had tried to push it to the back of his mind, like he did every time he had to have check-ups or appointments. Casey entered the room alone after knocking, leaving Severide outside, listening to their conversation.

Casey was sitting down by the hospital bed, the boy, who wasn't even seventeen had welcomed the visit.

"Leslie told me all about you," he told Casey after their initial greetings, as his left hand fidgeted with the bed sheet. It was an action that didn't go unnoticed by Casey, and something Casey would have done too if their roles were reversed.

"All good I hope," Casey responded. "She's visited a few times?"

He nodded.

"You are special then," Casey continued, already knowing Shay had taken a shine to the boy. Although in their jobs they were told time and time again not to follow up on victims, sometimes it was impossible not to do so.

"She was really good… in the car… after. She likes Marvel movies," he said, smiling. "Everyone was very nice, everyone here is nice too."

"Good, I'm glad… your parents, are they at work?"

"Yeah, finally," he responded with relief. "They wouldn't leave my side, couldn't breathe with them here."

"Yeah, it happens. Their support will be really good though… you need someone you can yell at, and get annoyed with, and know they'll still love you afterwards."

"Will I be angry? Were you?"

"You might be," Casey answered. "I was angry and frustrated, more because things had changed so much, not really because I had got hurt, but yeah, because things changed so quickly."

"You were really hurt, much more than me," the boy commented.

"You can't compare yourself to anyone," Casey said quickly. "You can't compare your own recovery to someone else's, even if on paper the same thing happened to them."

"Erm… can you… can you feel your leg still? The doctor told me about phantom pain and stuff…"

"Yeah, sometimes it really hurts, and at first it didn't make sense to me because it wasn't there, but your nerves still think it is," Casey explained.

"Sometimes," he repeated. "It doesn't happen all the time? I thought maybe there was something wrong with me because I can't feel it hurting… when I just wake up though, it feels like it's there, but it doesn't hurt, just weird as fuck when I look and can't see it…"

Casey chuckled. "That still happens to me."

"Ok, so I'm not mad?"

"Not mad," Casey confirmed, smiling.

He returned Casey's smile. "Thanks for this… everyone has been nice, everyone's been great, but no one really gets it."

Casey nodded in understanding.

"How long did it take you to walk?" he asked, his eyes casting a look at Casey's crutches.

"What happened to me was pretty complicated, I broke a lot of bones and had some other injuries as well. I'm sure you'll be up on crutches soon enough," Casey said.

"Do you have to use your crutches with your… with your erm…" he trailed off, looking at Casey's leg.

"Prosthetic," Casey supplied.

"Yeah?"

"You probably won't have to, not once you get the hang of it, and with long pants no one will even notice the difference. Still having your knee will help, honestly."

"Ok, cool, thank you."

Casey nodded again and stood up. "You've got my number so message me any questions, or anything you think is too stupid to ask the doctors, although, really nothing is too stupid to ask."

"Thank you," he responded.

Casey smiled and headed to the door.

"Do you have nightmares?" the boy asked, stopping Casey in his tracks.

Slowly Casey turned back around. "Yes, but not about my leg. Because... it's because I thought I was going to die alone," Casey admitted before leaving the hospital room.

That night, Severide joined Casey in their bed after he'd showered. Casey had taken his medications over an hour ago, he was drowsy now, on top of the tiredness from the day. Severide ran his hand gently through Casey's hair as he kissed his jaw.

"Bedtime?" Casey asked quietly as he turned his head to face Severide.

Severide nodded in response.

"Is that my shampoo I can smell?"

"I'm not allowed to use it?" Severide responded, smiling

"Smells like you used loads." He chuckled. "Oh… hey… we should try some of that shampoo bar stuff… better for the environment."

"Oh yeah?"

"Hmm, was reading about it a while ago, kept forgetting to mention it… but I was thinking shower gels and stuff are probably the most plastic things we use, well, them and my pill bottles…" he added, brows knitted together.

Severide just smiled at him.

"What?"

"Have I ever told you how sweet you look when you're thinking?"

Casey rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"So cute," he continued, putting his finger to Casey's forehead and trailing it over his brows. "Cute and concentratey."

"Not a word," Casey responded, quiet again now as he struggled to fight against sleep. He let his eyes close.

Severide settled under the covers, pulling them up so Casey was tucked in and cosy.

"Matt," Severide began.

Casey opened his eyes. "Mmm?"

"I will never let you die alone," he stated.

"I know…"

"And I'm sorry about your mom," Severide said. It had been over a week since she'd left in the night, and nothing had been said on the matter, which they were both fine with, but Severide needed Casey to know that he was still loved, and that even though she had left; he would never be alone.

"Hadn't really wanted her to stay in the first place, yeah it would have be nice if things worked out but… well, they don't always…"

"It was her who didn't want things to work out, it wasn't you, her leaving wasn't your fault, and you're not alone," Severide said firmly.

"I know…" Casey mumbled as he took hold of Severide's hand under the covers and closed his eyes again.

TBC