The weather was starting to get warmer, but just slightly. It was like spring was teasing them with small tastes of the slowly approaching summer, only to take it away again and remind everyone that winter still wasn't completely over yet. While the day had been pleasant, once night fell, the temperatures crawled back to chilly one-digit numbers. This night the temperatures behaved themselves though by staying closer to ten degrees Celsius than to the freezing point, so Marinette decided to go out for a run as Ladybug. A comparably pleasant temperate wasn't the only thing that drove her outside though. The picnic that day had not gone like she had planned it to at all and she needed to run off all that pent-up energy before going to bed.
Tikki had been surprisingly uncaring about the whole thing and had even sided with Adrien. Not that Marinette was honestly angry at her boyfriend, but just a little…peeved, that was all. She would probably be less annoyed if that had been the first time something she had suggested as a date had turned into a group outing. Nothing she really could complain about, but she missed spending time alone with Adrien in more places than just her home.
The conclusions she had come to with Nino had at first persistently gnawed at her mind for almost a month. If Adrien honestly thought that she was going to break up with him, then his actions would make sense. It would be just like him to want to create a slow transition back to friendship to make things easier for everyone involved. Luckily, the talk with Félix about a week ago had perished those thoughts back into the nasty hole they had spawned from.
Her inability to do anything frustrated her to no ends though and despite Nino's and Félix's advice, it was still bothering her. She needed yet another opinion on the topic and while she loved Alya, she knew that her friend might accidentally let something slip—or worse, storm into the Agreste mansion again and try to murder Gabriel Agreste. No, if she was going to ask someone for advice, then it would be someone who wouldn't go to extremes but who she also trusted completely. Her best bet there would of course be Chat Noir.
While she wouldn't be able to tell him any details, a vague description would have to be enough. Her partner was always there to help her with her troubles, major and minor, so she highly valued his input.
Neither of them had patrol that night, but maybe if he'd see her out—personally or through posts on the Ladyblog—he might join her. Then again, she couldn't completely count on that. Maybe she should give him a call and if he didn't pick up, then his kwami could rely that she had tried to contact him.
Ladybug jumped over a gap between buildings, having long since lost her fear about possibly falling down. Still, she always had her yo-yo at the ready just in case. She flipped open that very same magical tool with the intention of calling Chat Noir, when she suddenly tripped over something. Something that hissed. She regained her balance with a sigh of relief and turned around. It was a little hard to see, but there was a small, moving black mass on the roof that blended perfectly with the night.
A cat? No, two cats, she realised, when one of them detangled itself from the other and hissed at her again.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said automatically and a little wary. She knew from experience that an angered cat should be met with caution.
A happy chirp drew her attention to the second cat. It was a little hard to see in the dark, especially with its equally dark fur, but she caught the reflection of its eyes. They looked green. The cat that had hissed—a fluffier but equally black one—swatted at it with a paw.
It then turned around to a noise it had heard—something Ladybug couldn't even dream of having perceived. She might be stronger transformed, but her eyesight and hearing were pretty much the same as they were out of the suit. The heightened senses were something she envied her partner for a lot.
While the fluffier cat continued to listen to whatever it had heard, the other cat approached her and headbutted her legs in a gesture she knew was friendly. It might have been a while since her black kitty had visited her, but she still knew her way around friendly felines. The cat even purred.
There was a growl from the other cat, but seeing how she was not close to it, the noise was probably not directed at her. Without a second thought, Ladybug bent down to pet the purring shorthair and while doing so, noticed the white spot on its chest. Just like the cat that had always visited her. While it really had been a while, she still believed to be able to recognize the cat whenever she'd see him and this one held a striking resemblance.
"You don't happen to be my kitty, do you?" She therefore asked, and giggled when she got another happy chirp and a meow as a reply.
Cute.
What was less cute was the other cat that suddenly attacked and drew a hiss out of her previously content kitty. She pulled her hand back, hoping that it wouldn't be aggressive towards her as well, and confused as to what had caused the sudden assault. Then again, cats were unpredictable.
"You really do look like my kitty. You even have a white spot on the chest," Ladybug said thoughtfully to herself the longer she looked at the cat she had petted. It—he?—now stood there with an arched back and erect fur. She wasn't sure what it meant, but it didn't look like anything positive. "Then again, if it's even you, it's been almost two years since you last visited my balcony. You probably don't remember me."
Ladybug stared at the cats for a few moments longer, curious what they'd do. When they continued to look anxious though, she straightened up again with a sigh. No reason to accidentally provoke irritated felines tonight.
"See you, kitty," she said and looked at the shorthair cat, in case it really was her kitty. Then she grabbed her yo-yo again and swung away.
After a few rooftops she stopped to try finally to call Chat Noir, but she was once again interrupted. This time not by tripping over something, but by the silent sound of something small landing behind her. She was about to turn around to see what it was, when a voice stopped her.
"Don't turn around."
Ladybug halted mid-turn. She knew that voice!
Suddenly there were steps behind her and two hands suddenly covered her eyes and mouth. Her body instinctively twisted to fling the assaulter over her shoulder, but once again, his voice stopped her.
"Shh, it's just me, my lady. And I know you trust me, so please listen. We're being watched and you should neither see me nor say anything for both of our wellbeings. I'll let go now and trust you to not turn around, but listen."
The hands, bare skin, drew back from her face and Ladybug let out a shaky breath and nodded. Whatever the hell Chat Noir was doing detransformed on a rooftop at night was his business, but she trusted that what he had to say to her was important. With his face was close to her ear he started speaking in a quiet whisper so only she would be able to hear him.
"Someone saw you talking to that cat just now and she suspects whose balcony he visited. They might not know yet, but they will soon, so please trust no one. Go straight home, don't leave the house, don't let anyone in that you usually don't associate with and…if someone you trust shows up and tries to tell you something confusing, hear them out."
His voice dropped to an even quieter whisper. "The Court is capricious, insidious and bloodthirsty, dearest. They will come for you, so listen to your kwami. She can protect you."
A shuddering breath left him and she both heard and felt it.
"Your Chaton might not be coming back to you, my lady, so take this as a farewell until I see you again with another name. Thank you for everything."
There was the faintest touch of his lips on her neck right below her ear. It was barely even a peck, but Ladybug felt herself start to shiver. Though, maybe, it was more because of the things he had said rather than the things he had done. Bloodthirsty? Farewell? She was about to protest, but then remembered that he had said that they were being watched and that he trusted her not to speak.
"Now go home and don't turn around. Things will make sense…eventually."
Chat Noir drew away and Ladybug did her best to blink away the tears that threatened to fall.
Farewell?
It had…come out of nowhere, been thoroughly unexpected and yet, here it was. Something had gone horribly wrong and she wasn't even sure what.
Without a second thought, she closed her eyes, turned around and wrapped her arms around Chat in a tight hug. He smelled different, but still familiar and safe. At first, he tensed up but then he returned the hug carefully, as if he was afraid to break her.
She blindly ruffled his hair, a fond gesture she had done hundreds of times already, and was surprised to find cat ears there even though he wasn't transformed. Something in the back of her mind nudged a cloudy memory and with it, feelings of fear, sorrow and confusion. She banished it back where it had come from. Whatever it had been, it could wait.
"Take care and be careful," she whispered as quietly as she could, knowing he could hear her.
He kept warning her of dangers, but was he safe? Because, when he was protecting her, who was protecting him? He laughed quietly, a sound full of regret and sorrow.
"I'll try my best," he whispered back and ended the hug. "Get to safety now."
She nodded, turned around, opened her eyes again, unsurprised to find them wet with tears. Then, she took her yo-yo and swung home.
Marinette tidied up her room. Originally, she had planned to do it the next day, but her racing thoughts wouldn't let her sleep and she needed to do something now. Meanwhile, she silently rambled random things to Tikki in a desperate attempt to let them make sense.
"I mean, I have told a few people about the cat, but that can't be the only black cat with green eyes and a white patch of fur in all of Paris! But the way he said it made it sound like whoever this person is knows the cat personally, but that still doesn't explain how whoever that is knows where the cat went!"
Tikki sighed. "Marinette, please calm down. It's all a very big—"
"Misunderstanding?" Marinette huffed, maybe a tad too belligerent.
"I was about to say 'mess'."
"Sorry Tikki. It's just so frustrating! Why can't you just explain it to me? Apparently, my identity has been compromised because I pet a cat, so I think I have the right to find out just what I did wrong!"
"It's not my place to tell you this. Not now at least."
Marinette paused sorting her sewing needles to throw the kwami an exasperated look.
"You will know. For now, I am waiting."
"For what?"
"Someone else has been dreading this for much longer than I have. They should be the one to tell you and explain themselves."
"Can you at least tell me who it is?" Marinette asked.
Tikki shook her head. "You should go to bed now. Those who are out to get you cannot get through my wards, so you're safe here."
"...Since when are there wards around my house?"
"Ever since the day you got my earrings. One needs a strong anchor, my permission or a human aura to pass through them."
Marinette was halfway up the stairs to her bed when she stopped and looked at Tikki in disbelief.
"Wait, whatever is trying to get me isn't human?!"
The kwami shrugged. "I won't say more. Three days; that's the time I'll grant this other person to tell you. If they haven't done so after that, I'll tell you everything. How does that sound?"
Marinette sighed. "So, I will at most have to wait three days to get answers then. Seeing how I've been waiting for answers for over a year already, I think I can do that."
"And remember that you're not allowed to leave the house in that time."
"Then let's hope that Hawkmoth takes a vacation for the next three days."
Since she was pretty much grounded, Marinette spent the next day designing, though her heart wasn't in it. Her thoughts kept drifting to what Tikki had said about those that were after her. That they weren't human. Chat Noir had said that it was the Court that was after her and that they were all bloodthirsty and some other things. Did that mean that the Court was a bunch of…monsters? Different from Akumas because otherwise people would have noticed something, right? …Right?
That Tikki knew about something supernatural didn't surprise her, but Chat knew about it too. Chat Noir, who Tikki had always been sceptical about and only ever agreed with one thing he never got tired of repeating: "Stay away from the Court. It's too dangerous."
If people didn't know about it, or at least didn't advocate it, did that mean that the mere knowledge of it was enough to paint a target on her back?
"Forget it. Just forget about it all!" Her partner's words echoed in her head, now sounding much more sinister than before.
But if the knowledge was hypothetically dangerous, then why wasn't he ever in any danger? He had told her more than once to just let him deal with it, that it was fine as long as it wasn't her. Either that was his self-sacrificial nature coming into play, or…
She didn't want to finish the thought.
Tikki's scepticism, especially from the beginning, jumped out at her. Most specifically on the first day when she had asked the kwami about the qualifications for the Black Cat Miraculous.
"I was probably just confused about something when I felt his aura earlier. I'm sure he has been chosen for his kindness."
Something had been different about Chat Noir than about other people. Marinette had sensed it and Tikki had confirmed it. On top of everything, he knew about the Court and didn't seem at risk of harm when faced with it.
Not human.
The words echoed in her head like they were mocking her. She thought back to last night on the rooftop when she had hugged him. While she hadn't seen him, she had felt him. No transformation, but still cat ears.
The foreign feelings she had also felt back then rose back up inside her at the thought. Like there was something that she should know. Something crucial.
"That's not all there is to me.But I gotta be careful. If they find out, they might ſteal you away from me and we can't have that."
Not human…
"Forgive m—"
"Marinette, you're burning your omelette!"
Tikki's voice tore her out of her thoughts and made her quickly focus back on her now slightly too-dark-roasted lunch. She carefully flipped it in the pan, noting the charred spots with dismay.
"What were you thinking about?" Tikki asked.
"Just this whole mess, as you put it."
She had to admit that 'mess' was quite the fitting word after all. It had let small seeds of doubt slowly sprout roots and leaves and made her reconsider everything she thought she knew about her partner. He was someone who had saved her life countless times and cheered her up when no one else had been able to. And now…now she wasn't sure what she could believe to be true anymore. She felt betrayed, sad, afraid, confused and overall very conflicted. A small part of her was glad to finally have an explanation—when also an incomplete one—to all the oddness surrounding Chat Noir. It was a small speck of a positive thought that was easily drowned by all the negative ones.
Wait, negative thoughts?
Get a grip, Marinette! You're Ladybug! You're not supposed to have negative thoughts!
The very last thing she needed right now was to attract an Akuma.
"Marinette."
She blinked and realised that she had zoned out again and was now in the process of also burning the other side of her omelette. With practised ease, she let it slide on a plate and then washed the pan.
The tears she had cried the previous night threatened to come back when she once again thought about that what Chat Noir had said was a farewell. She couldn't just say farewell to him. There…there were still things they needed to do!
Like play one more game of tag to determine if he really was the undefeated champion or if she could catch him at least once after all. They still needed to try out at least one more horrible ice cream flavour combination from André's and judge who had gotten it worse. She…she wanted to pet him behind the ears one more time and tell him that things were gonna be okay when he had a bad day, maybe even draw this adorable purr out of him. She wanted to talk to him for hours about the ridiculousness that was their lives. And, most importantly, she wanted to defeat an Akuma with him by her side one more time and give him a victory fist bump afterwards.
Sure, all these things had happened, but they had happened without her knowing that it would be the very last time she'd do them with him. It wasn't fair. If she was never going to see him again, she wanted a proper farewell and not just a hasty hug!
Marinette wiped away the tears that had breached the threshold after all and then walked up the stairs with her omelette. She closed the hatch behind her with a foot, flinching at the loud bang it made when it fell shut, and then sat down at the part of her desk that wasn't littered with sketches from that morning.
Mindlessly, while eating, she started watching another anime from her long to-watch list. She had actually planned to watch it with Adrien, but…well, she just needed the distraction now! He could catch up eventually.
About ten minutes into the first episode, her omelette already devoured, there was a hesitant knock on her trap door. Marinette paused the episode and turned around with a confused "yes?" since she knew that her parents would knock louder and then usually wouldn't wait for a reply before entering.
The trap door opened to show her boyfriend. She paled when she saw him, though that was probably still a healthier skin colour than what he was currently sporting. He was sickly pale with dark shadows under his eyes and looked so defeated as if someone had died.
Marinette didn't hesitate to jump up from her chair and rushed over to him.
"What happened?!"
He closed and locked the trap door—something they usually weren't allowed to do when it was just the two of them up in her room, but she decided this was an exception—and then turned to her with a wince.
"That obvious?"
"You couldn't be more obvious if you tried," she said and ushered him to sit down on the chaise lounge while she sat down next to him.
"I…I asked Sabine if it's okay to lock the trap door this time because I wanted to talk to you about something important and she said it's okay," he said in a small voice, not meeting her eyes.
Alarm bells immediately went off in her head. What if Nino and Félix had been wrong? What if he was going to break up with her?! If that was the case, then he couldn't have chosen a worse time!
Shoving her laments about her loss of Chat Noir aside, she instead fixed Adrien with a serious expression. Exchanging one worry for another.
"Okay, then…what did you want to talk about?" she asked hesitantly.
Marinette watched how Adrien's hands balled into fists in his lap and that he started shivering. One look into his eyes told her that he was scared. Very scared. She wanted to hug him, but didn't know if that wouldn't make things worse.
"D-do you t-think that it's bad to keep secrets?" He eventually asked so quietly that she almost didn't catch it.
Ah, so it was about the secrets after all! Maybe she had assumed the worst again and he was actually going to tell her what was wrong. Finally! But, judging by his current state, whatever it was, distressed him deeply. She had to brace herself for all and any possible outcomes to not accidentally hurt his feelings by reacting badly to whatever was coming.
"No. Everyone needs secrets," she said, hoping that it was the right answer.
"T-then what about secrets that…t-that make you lie to the people you care about? Is…is it betrayal to keep those things?"
Marinette thought over how to word her answer, making Adrien visibly grow more anxious as a result. "I think it depends on what the secret is."
"W-what would…" Adrien started and then searched for words, clearly frustrated by his lack of eloquence.
"What would be a bad kind of secret?" Marinette helpfully asked. Adrien nodded. "Well, cheating on your significant other for example, or fraud."
"Fraud?" Adrien asked, growing even more anxious. "What kind of fraud?"
Marinette raised her eyebrows. "The damaging kind, I guess? Like money fraud, or playing with someone's feelings."
She saw that they weren't going to get anywhere like this, so she shook her head.
"Alright, what kind of secret are you talking about? Maybe that can help."
Adrien shrunk in on himself a little and was quiet for a concerning amount of time.
"Y-you know how there are secrets that are dangerous?" He eventually asked. "And by not telling anyone, you protect your loved ones from it with sheer ignorance?"
That hit close to home and Marinette immediately grew anxious what kind of secret Adrien had that was so dangerous. The only secrets of that nature that came to mind were her and Chat Noir's secret identities and the Court, which she still knew nothing about, but whatever Adrien had must be something else because he couldn't be…
"If someone you trust shows up and tries to tell you something confusing, hear them out."
"This as a farewell until I see you again with another name."
…No. He couldn't be! That must be a coincidence!
She was simply imagining things. Like the phantom sensation of a fluffy cat tail curling around her leg while there was nothing there.
Stop it! This is not fair to Adrien!
Marinette nodded.
"I hate it. I hate it so much," Adrien said and there were tears in his eyes.
The sight nudged at her mind, though all she could remember was the one time after he had woken up from a nightmare a few weeks ago. Yet, it still was like there was something else. Her memory was probably playing tricks on her, showing her glimpses of her boyfriend crying his heart out while in her arms on this very chaise lounge. She would remember something like that!
"I have to lie to everyone and I hate it. I hate lying, I hate feeling like I'm just…just pretending. It feels like betrayal and I hate it. I can't do this anymore!" He said, the tears running down his cheeks now.
If the picture of her holding a crying Adrien on her chaise lounge had been a vision, then that very picture solidified now.
"It's alright. I get it," she said quietly and let her fingers glide through his hair in a way she knew was soothing to him.
Her mind was playing cruel tricks on her again when it made her think that she was actually feeling cat ears while there was nothing there. Maybe she was too stressed about both of these situations so that her brain had just decided to somehow mesh them together and solve them all at once. Sadly, that wasn't how it worked.
"I'm sorry," Adrien whimpered and somehow that sounded eerily familiar. She dismissed the thought.
"Shh, it's okay. I love you and you're safe," she said, repeating what had already calmed him down the last time she had seen him cry and kissed his forehead.
That only seemed to make Adrien cry even more though and he buried his head in the crook of her neck. He seemed heavier than usual, which meant that he was slumping his entire form onto her. Like he was lacking strength to keep himself properly upright.
"I'm sorry," he said again, over and over.
For a while, she just held him like this and let him cry and apologize. It was no less frustrating than it had ever been to be in the dark about what was tearing him up inside. He might hate not being able to tell her, but she hated not being able to help him.
"Would it be that bad to tell me?" She asked eventually and Adrien suddenly grew very still. Then he nodded.
"I—" His voice was hoarse and quiet, so he coughed and tried again. "I thought about what to say all night but this is very important and I can't just…"
Adrien ended the hug and sighed. He had stopped crying and was now looking at her desperately.
"I know what to say, but it's a delicate topic where every word has to be measured on a golden scale, otherwise there can be horrible misunderstandings. And…if I have to tell you this, I want to tell you in the best way I can, so that it won't be as much of a shock."
He bit his lip and looked to the ground.
"The thing is that I know what to say, but it's also how I say it that's important…and I don't know if I can do the 'how' right now. I'm just—this is such a mess."
He buried his head in his hands.
That would make two messes in one day.
"Can't you write it down?" Marinette asked and it made Adrien raise his head again.
"Write it down? Like in a letter?" He asked.
Marinette nodded. "I heard that they do that in court cases sometimes when a witness has emotional issues with making a statement. They and the lawyer will then record a statement beforehand and it will be played at a hearing. Not that this is like a court case, but if you're being too emotional about it and don't know if you can tell me properly in person, then you could write it down or even record it and show me afterwards. Would that make it easier?"
Adrien kissed her forehead. "You're the best!" He said, though quietly and somewhat shyly.
"What kind of kiss was that?" Marinette therefore asked jokingly, not expecting him to become even more shy as a result.
"I don't think I deserve a real kiss right now."
"Well, think again," Marinette said, grabbed his face and kissed him on the lips.
Adrien seemed surprised at first, but then returned the kiss hesitantly.
"As much as I'd love to kiss you all day long," he said and gave her another short kiss. "I now have a letter to write."
Marinette smiled at him. "See? There you go."
Adrien stood up and slowly walked back to the trap door. She followed him.
"I promise to come back as soon as I finish the letter. Even if that'll be the middle of the night."
Marinette snorted. "What do you plan to do then? Break into the bakery?"
Adrien threw her a smile that looked a little dangerous—seriousness, defeat, determination, and desperation all in one.
"If I must."
"Tikki, am I going crazy? I am going crazy, right?" Marinette asked.
No watching anime, drawing, sewing or even working ahead for school helped her to distract herself from Adrien's short but very impactful visit. After he had gone home, she had reflected on the weird phantom sensations and the connections her brain had been trying to force her to make. Well, her theory that two disasters at once were a little too much for her to handle at the same time was still very much her go-to explanation.
"No, you're not," Tikki said soothingly and patted her head. "It's just a lot to deal with at once, that's all."
When even an eons-old being said so, then her theory was pretty much proven.
"Do you think I should go to bed? I mean, I don't have to get up early tomorrow and Adrien said that he'd come by even if it's the middle of the night. I could easily pull an all-nighter."
Tikki shook her head and then looked at her sternly just like her mother sometimes would. "You already lost enough sleep last night when agonizing about the thing with Chat Noir. I think you're just tired and need a full night's rest to process everything properly."
Marinette sighed. Tikki was right, her being tired was no use to anyone. Besides, she doubted that Adrien would actually break into her house in the middle of the night. He'd just come by the next morning.
"You're right," she said. "To forcefully keep myself awake for something that might not even happen is silly. Besides, whatever Adrien wants to tell me is important and I want to have a functioning brain when reading his letter."
Her decision made, Marinette went over to her desk and wrote in her diary, just to recap the day and maybe look back on it in the future. Then she changed into one of her warmer pyjamas—having a window to the cold outside right above her bed while she had the habit of throwing the blanket away in the middle of the night wasn't the most ideal combination—and eventually climbed up to her loft.
She took off the bracelet with all the charms Adrien had given her and looked at it for a moment. He had been very torn up about telling her the truth—whatever that ended up being—and her heart went out to him. She tried to put herself in his shoes and shuddered when she imagined trying to tell him that she was Ladybug. Yeah, telling someone that you lied to them constantly for a very long time seemed horrible. But at least she was able to understand and relate to that. Other people in this position might be less…accepting.
Marinette put the bracelet on the shelf above her bed next to the cushioned box Tikki slept in and then bid her kwami goodnight.
Worrying about it before she even knew what was happening wouldn't get her anywhere, so she decided to cut the thread of thought. If she wanted to have a clear head tomorrow, then she needed to stop spiralling and finally get some sleep, like Tikki had suggested.
Marinette closed her eyes and listened to the familiar noises of Paris. Cars, sirens, airplanes and annoyingly loud people, even at close to midnight. It was what she knew. It was home. Slowly she felt herself drifting away to the realms of sleep.
There was a thump above her.
Instantly awake, Marinette turned on her bedside light just when the trap door opened. Hadn't Tikki said that no one could get in?! If this was Adrien, making good on his promise to break into her house in the middle of the night, then she was going to pummel him with her pillow for scaring her half to death!
It wasn't Adrien.
In fact, Marinette had trouble to process just what, or rather who she was seeing. That was herself who climbed through the trap door and landed on her bed. Wait, no, it wasn't. This version of her had four arms, two of them insectoid, antennae on her head and what looked like ladybug wings on her back.
An Akuma?!
Before she knew what was happening, the girl's arms reached forward and plucked both earrings out of her lobes. She smiled at her sadly.
"I'm sorry, this really is nothing personal," she said and held Marinette back when she made a grab for her earrings.
"Sleep," the girl whispered. "Everything will be over soon."
Marinette could feel her eyelids close without her permission and the noises, feelings and other sensations slowly numbed and faded. Nothingness greeted her.