A/N: I would have updated this yesterday, but I came down with a bad case of the Flu. I'm still sick, but I can at least function a bit better now.
Time for chapter 88
Enjoy!
Rain was not a common occurrence in the desert. In fact, it was something of a myth, the desert showers. Unfortunately for Shikamaru, said myth was proving itself to be rooted in truth that day, as it was absolutely pouring. The rain had begun early in the morning and had not let up in the slightest since. It was now eight in the evening, and the sand had become a damp, mud-like substance. Despite the poor conditions, the shadow user had opted to take a walk around the village to clear his mind before allowing sleep to claim him.
'You know, maybe Temari is right. Maybe I am just a dumbass' he thought to himself as he blinked raindrops out of his eyes. He was fully aware that the comments made by the fan wielder were entirely sarcastic, but he himself wondered as to their unintentional validity from time to time. In that moment, the thing that was drawing his thoughts in such a direction was the recon mission he had led several weeks earlier.
'What a disaster that ended up being. We lost Lee and nearly lost Hinata. We did end up killing Yushin, but that wasn't even the recon unit's doing. That was thanks to Yugito. If I had only thought ahead a little more, then we wouldn't have been intercepted' he thought to himself regretfully. As he mentally critiqued himself, somebody else joined him in his walk.
"You look more than a little bothered" Sasuke, who had been following the lazy Jonin for several minutes, said. Shikamaru glanced back over his shoulder and sighed.
"Sasuke. It's been a little while" he said as the Uchiha fell into step beside him. Sasuke nodded and brushed a bit of his hair out of his eyes.
"It has. A lot has happened since then. For both Suna and Konoha, I think" he replied. The shadow user raised an eyebrow.
"What exactly has been happening in Konoha? Other than the alliance, I mean" he asked curiously. The Uchiha lowered his eyes to the ground.
"There was quite an uproar when the truth about Itachi was revealed to the uninformed members of the council. They were told a few hours after you all left the negotiations. Needless to say, they were more than a little shocked. Not quite as much as I was, but almost" he explained. Shikamaru winced.
"Yeah, that sounds rough. Have you...talked to your brother at all since arriving here?" he asked carefully. Sasuke nodded and stared up into the sky.
"I was sent his way two days ago by Kakashi. I spoke with him and his wife-to-be, strange as that still feels to say. He explained most of what happened to me, and, well, I still don't know how to feel. A part of me would have rather died that night, but another part is grateful that I lived long enough to learn the truth" he said. The lazy Jonin frowned.
"Why are you telling me all of this? We've never been close, and the last time we talked was far from a positive experience for either one of us" he asked. The Uchiha sighed.
"I can't really talk to anybody else. You may not be my favorite person, but at least you're willing to listen. I can't bring myself to talk about this with Naruto. I need to ease into that kind of thing with him" he said. The shadow user nodded.
"For all of his kindness, Naruto isn't an all-forgiving saint. Although, I don't think he ever blamed you for what happened. He's also in a much better place now than he was during the chunin exams, so he's probably more approachable now than he was then" he said. The Uchiha scowled and cracked his neck.
"He's a hell of a lot stronger than he was when we fought. That fact was shoved down my throat when I watched him fight that freak from Kumo. Those two fought at a level that a genin shouldn't be able to fight at. They fought like jonin. It...bothered me. I feel like I'm being left in the dust" he said bitterly. Shikamaru chuckled and patted him on the shoulder.
"I get it, trust me. I'm the commander of an entire unit, and I feel so far inferior to them. They just went toe to toe with a Kage, for god's sake. They get all the shine. It makes me angry sometimes, but then I take a closer look at what they do for us and ask myself whether or not I could ever do the same. The answer to that question is always 'no'" he said. Sasuke chewed his lip absently.
"But I feel like I could. I feel like I'm capable of doing what they do" he said quietly. The lazy Jonin nodded in agreement.
"You're at least as talented as Naruto is, and you're probably a good bit stronger than he is naturally. The difference between you is that he never let his own inferiority to those around him develop into a complex. He just kept pushing. That's why he beat you in the valley, and that's why he would smash you to bits if you fought right now. Kron is another story all together, because you calling him a freak isn't all that inaccurate. His strength isn't human, and you shouldn't compare yourself to it" he said. The Uchiha frowned at the statement.
"He and Naruto were roughly equal during their match. Has that changed at all since?" he asked skeptically. Shikamaru shook his head.
"They're still about the same in terms of strength. The reason I say you shouldn't compare yourself to Kron is that he's capable of matching three tails of the fox with nothing but his own raw power. Like I said, his power isn't actually natural, it was ingrained into him through some unethical means. But, if you want to catch up to them, just work at it. You'll get there eventually" he said. Sasuke laughed out loud.
"So, this Kron guy is kind of like me in a way. He sought out power and found it in the wrong place. Apparently his source was better than mine" he said. Shikamaru snorted.
"Don't push it, Sasuke. He didn't go looking for power. He was sold out by his own folks for money. He went under the knife against his will and came out a freak on the other end" he corrected. Sasuke immediately gained a look of guilt.
"Sorry for jumping to conclusions. That sounds awful" he said apologetically. Shikamaru studied the boy for a moment before speaking again.
"You should do some thinking about why you do things and what motivates you. Because, right now, you don't seem to have anything keeping you going other than a desire to stay alive. We're in the middle of a war, and you're going to have the difference in strength between yourself and the boy you used to dominate made even clearer to you the more we fight against Kumo. Find something other than strength to motivate you" he said. After the final sentence left his mouth, he picked up the pace at which he was walking.
Sasuke, easily taking the silent hint, stopped walking and watched Shikamaru walked away and round a corner. Once he was gone, the Uchiha clenched his jaw and curled his hands into fists.
'I can't even rely on my own strength anymore. Naruto is a world away from me now, and so is that monster from Kumo. Hell, even Hinata is terrifying now. They all passed me by. It's not like I wasn't training, I was. Harder than I had in years. It didn't matter, though. I still ended up...in the dirt' he thought bitterly. As he berated himself, his mind returned to the conversation he had shared with his brother in the cafe.
'If I earned your respect, then why didn't you do me the service of just killing me? It would have been so much easier for everybody if you had. Naruto would still have a home in Konoha, and I wouldn't be on the verge of falling apart right now' he lamented. Slowly but surely, Sasuke uncurled his hands and relaxed his jaw, lowering his eyes back to the ground again.
'Is this how you felt, Naruto? All those times you worked so hard for nothing? Every time you were kicked while you were down? Is this what it feels like to be a...loser?' he wondered to himself. Then, remaining true to the painful pattern his thought process was adhering to, his mind wandered back to his brother.
Itachi had been the center of Sasuke's moral compass. Not as an example to follow, but as a demon that represented exactly what was wrong with the world. A scapegoat. The revelation of the former Akatsuki's innocence had shattered the reality Sasuke had created for himself, leaving him with no path to follow, no goal, and no moral system to rely on.
'For years, I followed a set of principles based upon a person that doesn't exist. He was never evil, just framed. Who the hell am I? What do I believe in?' the Uchiha thought painfully, sinking to his knees in the middle of the soaked, empty streets of Suna.
A pain then erupted in his eyes, forcing them to snap shut. Sasuke clutched the sides of his head as his optic nerves were assaulted by a searing sensation. Through the pain, his mind continued to form thoughts.
'I can't keep going on like this. I need to change everything. I need to start over' he thought to himself. Once the thought had fully formed and come to pass, the pain in his eyes subsided, allowing him to open them again. Sasuke slowly stood up straight and took a deep breath. He then looked down into the puddle at his feet. His Sharingan had manifested, but they had changed. Instead of three tomoe, his irises now contained a pinwheel-esque design with an inverted color pallet.
'What on earth…' he thought to himself as he examined his seemingly-evolved eyes. As he contemplated the change, the sound of footsteps alerted the young Uchiha.
"I was never quite sure how I would feel when the news of your inevitable awakening reached my ears, but looking at you now, the answer should have been obvious"
Sasuke slowly turned to face the voice, well aware of who it was before he had turned around fully. Standing in a nearby alleyway was Itachi, who wore a look of strain. He slowly made his way out of the alley, stopping roughly ten feet from his brother.
"So, this is the Mangekyou sharingan?" Sasuke asked quietly. The former Akatsuki nodded stiffly and allowed his own evolved sharingan to manifest.
"Yes. It seems that the emotional trauma of realizing how far you perceive yourself to have fallen was enough to awaken it. A painful, but cleansing experience, isn't it?" he said. The young Uchiha sighed and looked back into the puddle.
"I'm calmer now, I guess. What I don't understand is how I was able to awaken these at all. You said that I would have to kill somebody close to me" he said. Itachi shook his head.
"Emotional trauma in general is enough to awaken the Mangekyou sharingan. It must be severe, or, at the very least, personally cutting, but murder is not a requirment" he explained. Sasuke chuckled bitterly.
"What I just went through was traumatic, that's for sure. I have Konoha's council to thank for that" he spat. Itachi sighed and put a hand on his shoulder.
"There likely would have been a civil war had the decision not been made. I don't like it any more than you do, they were my family too, but the decision likely saved more lives than it ended" he said. Sasuke shook his head and stared up into the rainy sky.
"I hate it all. Why did father want to take power so badly? Did he really think he could overthrow the council?" he wondered out loud. The elder Uchiha smiled slightly.
"He wasn't as cold as you seem to think he was. Both his and mother's final request was for me to watch over you. They loved you. Even more than they loved me, I think. You were precious to them, whether they were especially good at showing it or not is another debate entirely" he said. The young Uchiha snorted and glanced back to his brother.
"You weren't great at showing it either, Itachi" he retorted, earning a laugh from his brother. Itachi then motioned for Sasuke to follow him, an order that the young Uchiha skeptically followed.
"You're right about that, actually. Let's fix that. I never had the time to teach you anything when we were children, or at least I made that excuse. That is no longer than case, so I may as well teach you a thing or two" the former Akatsuki said as he lead his brother along. Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows.
"What are you going to teach me? I already know the basics of most things" he asked curiously. Itachi glanced back over his shoulder and pointed to his still-active Mangekyou sharingan.
"I'm going to help you discover the nuances of those new eyes of yours"
A/N: I decided to give Sasuke a character moment. He deserves one, and I did say a long time ago that I would redeem him eventually.
See you next chapter! Read and Review!