A/N: The kids are 17 and 16. There is reference to Chapters 48 & 49 in part IV, when Alex and Olivia take their "whale-watching" vacation. This is very much an Alex-centered chapter. Enjoy!

Even the Strongest Crack Sometimes

"Some say love…" Alex leaned over the dishwasher and pulled out the bottom rack, "…it is a river…" She began taking out plates and stacking them on the counter, "…that drowns…the tender reed…some say love…" she continued singing as she finished stacking—plates, bowls, small dishes.

Olivia only smiled as she entered a little further and leaned against the wall that separated the kitchen from the hallway and folded her arms.

Her wife had her ear buds in, white and multi-colored floral silk robe on, hair loosely in a butterfly clip, various wisps and strays framing her face and blowing every time she would lean over and stand up, lean over and stand up. Her glasses were on and, even without make-up, she looked flawlessly gorgeous—pale skin, rosy cheeks, dark brows, full, ruby lips.

"It is a hunger…" Alex continued, "…and e-ndless, aching ne-ed…I say love…

Olivia pushed her shoulder from the wall now and slowly stalked toward her, arms still folded, still smiling.

"…it is a flower…and you…it's only seed…"

Olivia moved even closer now as her wife reached up to put the plates in the cabinet.

"It's the heart…afraid of breaking…" she continued.

Olivia moved in then and placed her hands on her wife's waist, Alex jumping three feet in the air and screaming a high-pitched, amazingly cute yelp.

"Jesus, Olivia!" She clutched her chest and closed her eyes, her back still to her.

Olivia couldn't help but giggle as she pulled her wife's now-shaking form to her and wrapped her arms around her.

Alex tried to pinch Olivia's waist and succeeded, Olivia only flinching slightly and still laughing. The blonde pulled at the ear buds and let them fall down her front, still clutching her chest with her left hand. She shut the dishwasher door firmly and closed her eyes, sighing heavily.

"Sorry, Babe…" Olivia continued laughing, now trying to nuzzle the back of her wife's head.

But Alex quickly grabbed Olivia's forearms and pried them away from her before shoving her heartily, the brunette only stumbling slightly.

Alex folded her arms and studied her then, taking a small step away and leaning her backside against the closed dishwasher. "And giving me a heart attack is funny, Liv?"

Olivia shook her head, still chuckling.

"Apparently it is…" Alex huffed before moving to the sink, Olivia blocking her way. "Please move…"

Olivia held her hands up and stepped aside, watching as Alex turned the sink on and pumped a couple of soap dollops into her hand and then began rubbing them vigorously. "I'm sorry, Babe. I didn't mean to scare you…" Olivia bit her lower lip.

Alex eyed her, smirking.

"You're so skittish lately, Al. What's going on?" Olivia moved to the island and took an orange from the bowl in the center and tossed it once before catching it and placing it back.

"You're not still thinking about that creature in the attic at the B & B, are you? The breath stealer?" Olivia began laughing again at seeing her wife's unamused expression as she wiped her hands. And this time, the brunette wasn't able to keep her head from tossing back, her guffaws from escaping her being wholeheartedly now.

"I am not thinking about that creature in the attic, Liv. If I recall, there was nothing but old antiques in there and a lot of dust."

Olivia felt her eyes tearing now, fighting to keep her mouth closed, her laughter increasing as she thought of how scared her wife was.

"Stop it, Liv!" Alex barrel-roll twisted the dishtowel in her hands then and swatted it at her wife's side.

"Oooh, yeah, Al…" Olivia turned around and jutted her backside outward, "…do it again…" she oozed.

Alex smiled. "You would like it, Weirdo…" Alex swatted her once more.

The doorbell rang and Olivia moved in close to her wife and kissed her quickly on the cheek. "I'll get it…" she paused for a moment, just looking at her, her face only centimeters from the blonde's, "…it's good to be back home, isn't it, Babe?"

Alex's jaw clenched and she flared her nostrils, smirking. "It absolutely is, Liv…" She slapped her on the backside, this time with her palm. "Now, get the door…"

"Mmmm…" Olivia began walking down the hallway toward the front door, "…I like this little dominatrix thing you're doing today, Al." She smiled then, just feet from the handle. "We'll have to continue it later…" she called just as she placed her hand on the knob and turned, opening to her brother-in-law.

"Olivia…" he smiled facetiously and held his arms out, cocking his head to the side.

"Jonathan…" Olivia repeated the action and the two embraced. "I feel like I just saw you yesterday…" Olivia smirked up at the burly man as she closed the door behind him. "Oh, wait…it was yesterday. Just about ten hours ago that we saw you."

They began walking down the hallway.

"Thanks for coming by," the brunette commented as the two now entered the kitchen.

Alex was now at the island, cutting a cantaloupe in half lengthwise with a large knife, placing it on top of the thick rind and pressing down with all of her strength.

"What can I say? I just can't stay away from my wonderful sister and her gorgeous wife…" Jonathan winked at Olivia as he pulled an island stool out and sat, eyeing the shiny, sharp metal in his sister's hand as she hacked into it in the opposite direction now.

"What do you need now, Johnny? Our grill? My Netflix password again? Or some other strange request?"

"Well, sis...it just so happens that your lovely, intelligent wife texted me to come over and check out some switch problems you've been having?" Jonathan furrowed his brow and narrowed his eyes at the brunette. "Right?"

Olivia nodded, her arms folded as she watched Alex continue to slice the fruit. "Yeah. Al." She looked at her wife. "The switches are all kooky. Remember? Since we got back from Gloucester?"

"Yeah. I know." Alex continued her cutting of the melon.

"So…" Olivia began, looking at Jonathan, "…I thought he might be able to help."

Alex stopped just short of cutting the last wedge. "So, help, Johnny." She felt her gaze was steely, unyielding.

Alex found herself, arms folded, on the second floor, watching as her brother switched lights on and off, the usual hallway light illuminating the girls' rooms, the next illuminating and extinguishing the hallway—all switches not cooperating.

"That's weird, Allie."

"I know, Johnny." She took a deep breath and let it out, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself.

"What's going on, Allie?" He stepped closer to her then, his eyes concerned.

"Well, if this is the only glitch in my near-perfect existence for all these years, I suppose it's not that bad."

Jonathan furrowed his brow. "How do you mean?"

Alex shook her head. "I mean, if this is the only problem…"

"Allie?" He placed his hands on her upper arms then.

Alex moved slightly away. "Don't."

"What's going on with you?"

She finally looked at her brother, really looked into those blue-green eyes. "Since I met Olivia, and then we began dating, and then we met back up again, and got engaged and then married and then began having kids and then have watched them grow into amazing human beings…"

Jonathan watched her more carefully now, "Yeah?"

"If these light switches are the only glitch in all of this time…" Alex felt her eyes begin to water and she took another deep breath and attempted to shake her immense emotions off, "…I'd say that's pretty good."

Jonathan stood, silent for a moment, just watching her.

"Don't, Jonathan. Please."

"How can I help?"

Alex laughed lightly. "You can't, big bro. It's like…" Alex looked up at the ceiling before looking back at her brother, "…sometimes, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop…again…it always seems to come from out of the blue. Sometimes I feel that the perfectionism is due for another catastrophic event."

Jonathan watched her again. "You can't live like that, Allie. The things you and Olivia have been through…the kidnapping in Lake George last year, when you were taken by Velez's sons, Olivia being held by that psycho…they don't define your life as a whole, in general."

"But they do." That was all she said, her gaze unwaveringly on the taller, burly man in front of her.

"Have you talked to Olivia about this? About these feelings?"

Alex nodded. "I have."

"And? And what does she say?"

Alex shook her head, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. She swiped it instantly and smiled. "We've talked, bro. We've talked about it. A lot. I'm…I'm just in a really weird place right now…that's all."

Jonathan nodded slowly. "Okay."

"Okay," Alex agreed. "Now, are you gonna help us with these switches, or not?" Alex smiled meekly.

Jonathan grinned, his pearly whites lightening up the mood. "I am, and I will. Don't worry." He stepped closer to her. "Can I give you a hug? You look like you need one."

Alex only nodded, feeling her eyes mist again, and she moved into her brother, taking comfort in his sturdiness, his warmth, his love.

"I need an all-black dress, Mom, something that goes to the floor and is…plain on top. Nothing flashy or that'll make me stand out." Grace moved toward the dresses on a rack and began moving through them. "Mr. Proctor says our quartet clothing needs to be unflashy and just about the music."

Alex watched Olivia now, from the corner of her eye. They were in Nordstrom and had only just gotten there. In and out with one mission in mind.

"So, no cleavage, no revealing?" Olivia offered, moving to sort through another rack of dresses.

"Cleavage? Mama? Really? And where would that be?" Grace smirked.

"OK, OK," Olivia stopped and pulled out a cap-sleeved, black sateen gown. "How about this one?"

Grace's face lit up. "I love it. Let me go and try it on." Grace took the proffered dress and moved toward the dressing room.

"That was easy." Olivia winked. "Looks like I've come through, yet again," she chided. Olivia turned to her then. "Al?"

"I'm gonna go to the junior's section," Isabel claimed.

"I'm gonna go with her," Theo offered.

The ladies looked at their kids and watched as they began ambling away, Isabel shoving her brother playfully as they walked.

"Be back here in fifteen minutes, guys," Olivia called after them.

"Okay," they agreed and moved out of sight.

Alex felt her wife's gaze on her then and she looked up.

"Alex?"

"What, Liv?" Alex stepped to begin moving the hangers on a rack of evening gowns.

"Can we talk?"

"Here?" Alex took an emerald green, strapless knee-length dress from the rack and held it up, examining it.

"Here. Home. Anywhere."

Alex placed the dress back on the rack and the two began to slowly walk amongst the formal dresses. She folded her arms, realizing she had been doing that a lot lately. "Remember the conversation we had in Gloucester? After our run, when we were sitting on that bench drinking coffee?"

Olivia nodded as they stepped closer to the dressing rooms. "I remember."

"Well, I can't seem to shake what we talked about. How the perfectionism in our lives has been just that, for the most part, and I can't help but feel—"

Grace stepped out of the dressing room then, wearing the gown that her brunette mother had picked out. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. It fit her perfectly, the sweetheart neck and puffy cap-sleeves showing an heir of regality.

"Oh, Gracie," Alex gasped, feeling her intense emotions com on now. "You look absolutely exquisite." She gasped again and felt her wife's hand on her back.

"Mom," Grace began. "It's just a dress. Why are you crying?"

Alex waved her off, trying to regain her composure, feeling her eyes tear mercilessly. "You're growing up, Gracie. My girl is so beautiful, so intelligent…I'm just so proud of you," she blubbered.

Grace moved into Alex then and they hugged, the blonde looking at her wife over her shoulder.

Olivia watched them carefully, cautiously. Her wife was not OK right now and the brunette wanted, needed, to find out where all of these emotions were coming from.

Mother and daughter pulled away and Alex wiped beneath her eyes.

"Let's check out and go. What time are Lindsey and Amy coming over?" Alex sniffed and began taking her wallet from her purse.

"Two," Grace said carefully, eyeing her blonde mother. "Mom? You OK?"

Alex smiled broadly. "I'm fine, Gracie."

Olivia's hand was on her back again and Alex looked at her. "Liv. Please don't. We'll talk later." She held her gaze for a moment. "OK?"

Olivia only nodded.

Grace disappeared back into the dressing room and within moments was back in front of them, in her jeans and beige sweater, holding the dress over her arm.

They approached and arrived at the counter and a petite woman with short dark hair greeted them and began ringing up the item.

They watched as the receipt was printed, as Alex signed it, and as the gorgeous garment was placed into a plastic dress bag on the hanger. Anne Marie then handed the dress to Grace.

"Wear it in good health," she smiled.

"Thank you," Grace reciprocated.

The rest of the Nordstrom trip was quick, Theo and Isabel rejoining them, them making their way back to the parking lot garage and driving home. All the while, Olivia knowing that her wife was struggling, and the only way to fix this was through communication.

Of that, she had no doubt.

They approached the gallons of milk at the Whole Foods Gourmet and Olivia reached for a gallon of 2%. She lifted it and put it in the cart. She and her wife had been virtually noncommunicative over the past half hour since they had dropped the kids off at home. Their friends had arrived—Theo's friend Ari, as well—and then had made their way to the grocery store.

Maybe this wasn't the best place to talk about what Alex was feeling, but Olivia wanted to make an attempt, nonetheless.

"So, the talk we had in Gloucester…"

"Liv…I…I don't think this is the best place. I don't want to start crying here." Alex began taking small containers of Fage yogurt into her hands—two, four, six—before placing them in the cart. They continued moving slowly down the aisle.

"And I don't want you to start crying either, Babe. But we need to talk."

"I know we do," Alex claimed softly. "Do we want cottage cheese?"

"Y-yeah, Al." Olivia watched her wife closely.

"low fat? Large curd?" Alex held two containers, one in each hand.

"That's fine. Large curd." Olivia bit her lower lip, narrowing her eyes.

"Will you talk to me at home?" Olivia questioned as they neared the end of the aisle and went around the corner to the registers.

Alex stopped behind a woman with four kids, all running around grabbing items from the shelves next to the belt, their groceries piled up obscenely high, the checker eyeing the unruly children with disdain.

Once the belt was clear enough, Olivia placed the plastic bar separator on it and began unloading their groceries. "Well? Will you?"

"Of course, I will, Liv. Let's just get home and change and relax and I promise I'll talk." She managed a meager smile.

"So, it's all about that perfection cracking or breaking in some way? The fear something that bad will happen again?"

Alex nodded and looked at her wife. "It's just the same thing, Babe, that we talked about that day. I'm just…waiting…"

Olivia's face was concerned as they sat on the sofa together, both with their legs tucked beneath them, both with a glass of white wine in their hand. They had been sitting there for the past hour, talking, and they were both showered and comfortable, having eaten dinner and cleaned up this evening at nine o'clock.

Alex had on a pair of gray yoga pants and an off-the-shoulder gray sweatshirt, her hair in a loose knot on the top of her head, sans make-up, glasses on. Olivia was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a black, V-neck t-shirt, her hair down and the expression of concern on her face was almost too much to take.

Alex smiled and then took a deep breath, blowing it out and then swiping her thumb up and down the length of the bowl of the glass. "But I'm OK, Babe. I just…I just have a lot on my mind."

"Do you think…?" Olivia began. "Do you think you'd might like to talk to someone, maybe Dr. Taylor, about what you've been feeling? She knows us pretty well after Lake George and the trial."

Alex shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her glass again, her wrists now resting on the ankles of her crossed legs. "Maybe." She looked back up at Olivia.

Olivia moved closer, letting her left knee come into contact with Alex's right thigh, and the aching for the closeness, the contact, was palpable. Alex swallowed and closed her eyes.

"What can I do to help you, Alex?"

Alex turned to look at Olivia again and eyed her mouth, then her upper chest, then her cleavage, before letting her gaze move back into those soulful eyes. "Just be here. Just keep talking to me. Just keep letting me know you care."

Olivia leaned forward then and set her glass on the coffee table before moving back and sitting on her knees, now even closer. "I am always here for you, Al. We're in this together and always have been. Whatever you struggle with…I struggle with."

Alex nodded slowly, feeling her eyes tear again. "Then be with me, Liv. Love me. Let me know everything's gonna be OK."

Olivia reached for her wife's hand and squeezed it, taking it to her mouth and kissing it gently.

Alex felt the immeasurable longing now. She needed her wife and knew if must have shown in her face.

"The kids are away for the evening." Olivia stated matter-of-factly, no jest involved.

Alex waited.

"Let's go upstairs." Olivia's face was straight, those chocolate eyes saying only one thing.

Alex nodded again and the two stood, leaving their glasses, leaving the TV on, and headed upstairs to be with each other, love each other, and reconnect once more.

Alex looked down at her wife, who was in between her thighs at present, about to bring her to orgasm. She watched Olivia's mouth, moving along her lower lips, so delicate, so perfected, so pleasurable. "Uh…huh…" Alex whimpered, "…come up here, Liv. I need to feel you on me…your skin…"

Olivia moved her body upward then and looked into her eyes, her hand now continuing what her mouth had been doing.

And the pleasure was intense as the blonde felt herself peak and release, sending her body into a fit of spasms and hearing her own moans echo throughout the bedroom. And then she didn't know why she did it, but she began to cry—sob really. She placed her hands over her face and shook, feeling her immense emotion roll throughout her.

"Al?" Olivia's hand on her own now. "Alex?"

"I just—"

"Hey…" Olivia finally pried her hands away and looked at her, her bare, caramel breasts pressed to her own, "…what is it?"

"I don't know Liv. Nothing? Everything? You're amazing."

Olivia smiled then, "Well, so you say…" she smirked.

They lay like that for a few moments, Alex enjoying the afterglow and Olivia trying to understand her wife.

"I think you should talk to Dr. Taylor."

Alex nodded, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. "I think you're right."

"And what you're feeling, Alex, is perfectly normal. The feeling, the fear, that everything could change again. But you can't live like that. You can't go through your wonderful life like that."

Alex smiled, wadding up the tissue in her hands. "Funny, because that's exactly what my brother said."

Dr Taylor smiled. "Well, he's right. A wise man."

Alex only smiled, feeling much better after speaking with the good doctor.

"Set up another session for next Monday? Same time?"

"That sounds good."

They stood and made their way to the door, Amaranth opening it for her before the blonde stepped out.

And Alex spotted something she didn't expect. Olivia stood now, from a chair, wearing her trademark black jeans and a burgundy, silk blouse, black blazer on.

"Liv? What are you doing here?"

Olivia smiled and dropped the Glamour Magazine she had been holding, onto the coffee table. "Hey, Dr. Taylor."

"Good to see you, Olivia."

"What are you doing here?" Alex reiterated.

"Well, I thought I'd come and take my gorgeous wife out to lunch, just like we used to after our sessions. You up for it?" Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"Absolutely, Liv. I would love nothing more."

A/N: Those of you who always tell me you love reading this fandom, I also love writing about them and only have their unique physical traits and mannerisms in mind as I write. Thank you for the reads and reviews and for your support. I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you thought. Happy New Year 2020!