After your 'Christmas Party for Two' at Elsa's – after your actual Christmas party – something changes. Not with her – God, Elsa's great. But with Hans. And maybe it changed before then and you hadn't noticed, but you're actually really fucking sick of Hans not listening to you. He still hasn't touched your chest, which is getting ridiculous because aren't boys supposed to be obsessed with boobs? It's like he's not even trying!
And then you realise... that he's not.
So you bring it up – not in those words, of course – but you bring up the fact that you'd really like him to make you finish, and that you're definitely able to do it with your chest on your own. His mouth twitches.
"I guess I could try," he says, and he makes it sound like he's doing you a favour. "But I mean, if this doesn't work, then I don't know what the point is in trying again."
Oh great. So if you don't get off, he's not even going to try? It's super shitty of him, but you just want him to help you get to that point as much as you help him. You'd had him in your mouth! Maybe you should ask for the same.
You don't, because you don't have the courage for that. Instead you just lie back and try not to feel silly when he slides a condom on before entering you. Of course he's not going to focus 100% on you. Why would he?
He doesn't remove your bra; instead, he covers the material with his hands, squeezing. It isn't rough, but it's not gentle. You can see his hips move and so you close your eyes because you want to focus on what you can feel.
It doesn't make it better, and you realise... you're not enjoying yourself. Have you ever enjoyed sex with him? Even the first time...
You suck in a breath because you kind of want to cry now, and Hans mistakes it for pleasure because you can feel the bed move faster as he picks up speed. He squeezes your chest hard, and it hurts, and a ridiculous thought sprouts into your head. One you'd thought a long time ago, but had successfully moved on from.
Elsa wouldn't be this rough.
The thought makes you want to laugh, and cry, and you want someone to hold you and kiss you, but you don't want that person to be Hans. You can't even fake any pleasure because you don't want him to do this again. He obviously didn't want to do it to begin with.
He's grunting, and it takes a few moments to realise he's speaking. Asking questions about how it feels, if you're close, how close he is.
You want him to finish because you want him to be finished. Suddenly you're desperate for solitude.
So you close your eyes and let out the most seductive moan you can muster. It sounds ridiculously fake, at least to you, but you feel Hans' hands pinch harder. It causes you to inhale sharply, a reaction he once again mistakes for pleasure.
"Please, Hans," you say. It's not like it comes off especially begging, because you can't bring yourself to do that, but it's enough. He stops moving, still inside of you, and he doesn't speak. He's panting, and his fingernails dig into your flesh.
And then he's pulling out of you. The condom goes in the bin and he flops gracelessly next to you onto his stomach. He's not looking at you. He never looks at you.
You don't want to be here.
It doesn't take long for his snores to reach you, and maybe you're angry about that, too, because he didn't say a word and...
And is this even a relationship? It doesn't... it doesn't feel like love. It doesn't even feel like friendship.
So you go and pack up your things. Get dressed and do your hair up before taking out your phone. You could call Kristoff to complain to him, or ask him for some advice. But there's really only one voice you want to hear right now, one face you want to see, and so without hesitating you go into your favourites and select the top name.
Elsa answers on the second ring.
"Anna? Hey, is everything okay?"
You open your mouth to speak when, unexpectedly, you choke. There's a lump in your throat that hadn't been there before, and the tears from earlier fall over your eyelids like water over a cliff.
"Anna? What's wrong?!" The alarm in Elsa's voice is palpable, and you want a hug. You want her to hold you so bad it hurts.
You try to speak but nothing comes out. A sharp sob rips from your throat, and you can hear Elsa on the other end of the line, asking what's wrong, asking you to talk. You can't.
You hang up, and open your messages instead.
can i come over tonight?
She responds immediately. Of course. I'll send Phillip to get you now.
You have to blink away tears just so you can type out a response. i'm at hans's place
It takes a little longer, but you manage to type off his address and send it to Elsa. Then you move to the front door and the tears come in fresh waves because Phillip's old and nice and he's going to have to help you down the stairs. He does, without complaining, but you can tell you're too heavy for him.
You feel like shit.
Elsa's waiting for you at the front entrance. You've stopped crying, and you already feel better for seeing her. Her hair is down and she's wearing a bathrobe and she just looks so concerned. For you. Her bottom lip is between her teeth and she steps forward just as you open the door. Phillip gets out to get your chair and Elsa bends over a little so she can look you directly in your eyes. Her left hand comes to cup your cheek, and it feels like she's searching for something.
"Anna..." she says gently, and it's so nice to hear her voice. It's a cool balm for your frazzled emotions, and you open your arms wide. She sees the request for what it is, and leans close to scoop you into a crushing hug.
She helps you get upstairs and finds some wet wipes for your face. Makes you a mug of hot chocolate, and you don't talk about why you called her, or why you were crying. You don't want to think about it.
But, it seems that you will.
"Anna," she starts, once you're seated at the kitchen bench and nursing your drink. "Are you- did Hans-?"
You shake your head. "I'm okay. I just... I really wanted to see you."
Her face softens. She hugs you again, and you bury your face into the crook of her neck. "What would you like to do?" she asks gently. You swallow.
You want to stay here, right here, forever. But that's not possible, so you clear your throat and move away enough to answer.
"Can we watch a movie?"
She smiles. "We can."
sorry that i didn't show their personal xmas party. i hope this makes up for it :) a huge thank-you, as always, to Turwen for her fantastic betaing, and her insights in general.
in response to some reviews: yes, the brace Anna wore last chapter is a real thing. Google "Leg Braces for Spinal Cord Injury" on and it'll come up with some different examples. Regarding Hans (and especially after this chapter), Anna is much more open to how terrible the relationship is with him. It won't take long for her to see the light. And someone mentioned an early christmas present... well, just wait until you see the actual christmas present I have for you ;)
thanks for joining me on this ride~