notes at the bottom. thank you all for joining me on this journey :)
You go and have a shower while she sets up Netflix. You're not sure what she's going to put on, but it doesn't really matter. You scrub away all your horrible feelings and emotions, and maybe you cry a little, but that's okay. It's different. It's refreshing. Then you take your medication and go to the toilet because you don't want to have to get up for anything later. Your stuff goes in the spare room, as usual, but some part of you wants to just fall asleep next to Elsa on the lounge.
So you brush your teeth and dry your hair before braiding it, because wet braided hair feels gross, and it's maybe an hour after you'd first gone to have a shower but you know Elsa won't care. And then you're rolling back out into the living room, and she's got some blankets out and has put the heater on and she looks ridiculously comfortable already. The light is definitely not as bright as it should be, and you spy a little dial on the switch. It seems Kristoff's already come over to install the dimmer, just like he said he would.
Elsa's flipping through different movies when you move to the seat next to her. You haven't forgotten about earlier, but it's easier to ignore now. Being here, with Elsa, is easy. It's fun and relaxed and you make a promise to yourself that you're not going to think about Hans all night. You even turn off your phone.
"C'mon, Els. Just pick something," you say eventually, after a few minutes and she still hasn't found the right flick. You're not really irritated, though; you're too busy grinning, an expression that only widens when she sends you a dirty look. It makes you laugh, and you lean across her to steal the remote.
She catches you before you can fully reach her hand, holding the remote as far away from you as possible.
"Anna!" she laughs. You poke her in the stomach and she squeals, throwing her head back as your fingers tickle her. It gives you the chance to surge forward again as she laughs, and you finally manage to grasp the remote.
Elsa's panting, and it's only when her arm goes limp and you draw it close that you realise the position you're in. Maybe she's already noticed, because you're half-lying across her and she's just looking at you, blue eyes staring at yours.
And then... they shift. Just for a moment, but you're so close that it doesn't take much.
She looks at your lips.
It feels like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, and you can't hear anything but the blood as it rushes through your ears. Something thrums low in your stomach, and unbidden, your eyes drop to her chest as it rises and falls with her breath.
As soon as you realise, you wrench your gaze back to her eyes. The self-admonishment is at the front of your head, the apology on the tip of your tongue, when they both die because Elsa's eyes are wide and soft and warm, and her face is blushed red, and... the smallest, gentlest, most hopeful smile is on her lips.
You can't stop her name is it tumbles from your own.
"Elsa..." you say softly, no more than a whisper of breath between you. You don't want to break the spell. Her smile still drops a fraction and her eyes dart between your own. It doesn't take a genius to know what she's thinking, how she's already berating herself. That's not what you want. You want... you want...
"I want to kiss you..."
It takes a second for you to realise that it wasn't Elsa who spoke. She's just looking at you, eyes wide with surprise. Your heart skips a beat, and it vaguely feels like you should be upset because Elsa hasn't said a word and that's not really something you drop on your friend. But you're not upset – a little anxious, perhaps, because she still hasn't moved – but not upset.
It takes a little longer to figure out why you're not upset, and it should definitely have been obvious. You know Elsa. You know her and she knows you and even though the surprise in her eyes is still the most dominant thing about them at the moment, it's not the only thing.
That hope... it's still there. And you feel so stupid because you've been wrestling with this feeling for maybe a couple of months, and Elsa...
With the way she's looking at you, you know she's been feeling the same way.
"Anna..." Her voice trembles, and it makes you smile because you love smiling at Elsa and it's obvious how conflicted she is at your declaration. Lifting your hand – the one not holding the remote – you brush the side of her face. She lets out a little noise, almost a whimper, and the longer you're in this position – above her, half-lying on her – the truer your earlier statement becomes.
You want to kiss her.
And it's not like Elsa doesn't want that. You can tell she wants you to be where you are.
"Elsa... do you want to kiss me?"
Checking – always good to check. The last thing you want to do is make her uncomfortable.
She doesn't look uncomfortable. Elsa's eyes get wider, impossibly wide, and she doesn't look like she's breathing at all now. She sucks in a gasp, shivering as you gaze into her eyes. In your peripheral vision, you can see her hands tremble.
"Elsa..." you repeat softly. "Elsa, answer the question, please."
Your hand is still cupping her cheek, and she lets out a small squeak that could be a yes. And she's answered the question already, just not with words, and something curls below your stomach at just how wrecked she looks. She's staring at you like you're the only thing standing between her and complete annihilation.
She can't answer the question and at this point she doesn't need to, so you just lean a little closer. The remote drops, and you move your hand to her waist so you don't topple right over.
"Kiss me, Elsa. Please, kiss me?"
"Ngnggg." The sound she makes is like nothing you've ever heard before. It goes straight through you, for no reason in particular. It's not an erotic moan, or groan, or sound. Though maybe because it isn't – maybe because it sounds like she's fighting against making such a sound – it has that effect. She wants to. She wants to kiss you, and you want her to kiss you, so why hasn't she yet? Her hands land on your waist, not your hips, and you can feel how she shakes. How she holds on like a lifeline.
So, you lean closer and murmur, less than an inch from her lips, "Kiss me, now."
With the way she's looking at you, the way you've told her to kiss you... you expect something forceful. Something desperate.
Elsa is none of that.
She closes her eyes and leans forward, and when her lips finally touch yours, she lets out a muffled little noise like something has just broken inside her.
But maybe... hopefully... you're also the one putting it back together again.
She kisses so soft and so sweet, lips barely nudging yours. Her hands have stopped shaking, and both of yours are now cupping her face. You tilt your head, just a little, and her tongue plays against your bottom lip. It's so slow, but that's exactly what you want right now. You don't think you could handle anything more.
You sit there for God only knows how long, kissing her. There's no rush, nothing demanding. She kisses you languidly, like there's nothing more she wants to do, and that's not really something you're familiar with. And then you finally lose your balance, ripping your lips from hers as you tip, stuck halfway across her lap. Her hands lift to her mouth, hiding her expression. You can still see the mirth in her eyes, the way her cheeks bunch up, and you smile at her because you want her to smile, too. You want to see it. So you correct your position, with a little bit of help from her, and it actually just results in you sitting on her lap, legs splayed out across the part of the sofa you'd just vacated. Her hands drop away from her face, but so does her smile. Her eyes widen, like she's just realised what's happening, like she's making a mistake of some kind, and no no no that's not what you want right now.
"A-Anna—" she starts, just as the colour begins to drain from her face. Her eyes dart between your own, and whatever she wants to say, she can't seem to say it.
And so you do the only reasonable thing, and scoop her into a crushing hug.
"Elsa..." you say, voice soft and warm and you can feel her relax against you.
This isn't reluctance, but it's hesitation. Hesitation to touch and feel and your heart breaks because Elsa's not- she hasn't- you've noticed that she has a fair amount of sex. And that's fine!
But with the way she's responding to you, to your touch and your kisses and your voice, you have to wonder how long it's been since she had sex like this – if ever. It's not like you have.
How long has it been since she felt that pull, that magnetic attraction? How long since she was with someone who clearly wanted her in the way you want her? More than just sex, more than just raw desire...
You want every aspect of Elsa. You want to see her laugh and cry and you want to see her every day for the rest of your life.
This is something more than friendship, and the very idea has you blinking back tears because it feels so pure. Untouched and unsullied. You need to tell her before you lose your nerve.
So you pull away, and Elsa's already opening her mouth to say something when you gently lift a finger to her lips. She doesn't fight you. Whatever she wants to say, she wants to let you go first. Maybe she doesn't even want to speak; wants you to convince her otherwise.
"Elsa," you start again. You could say something about how beautiful she is, or kind, or perfect, but for some reason, those words don't feel right. Not now. So instead you lean forward, forehead resting against hers as you smile. "Elsa you are... my best friend. We've done so much together, gotten so close over these last few months, and I... I want to get closer."
"Anna—"
"And," you interrupt, before your voice softens again. "And I think you do to. I want to, Els. I want you."
She blinks for a moment, trembling. There's something in her eyes, something hopeful and beautiful, like for the first time ever she's letting herself want. Letting herself imagine a future where she can.
It's only natural that you'd kiss again after that declaration, but this time when your lips meet, it's not quite as gentle. It's not rough, not by any stretch of the word. It's just... different. She's smiling, you can feel it, and it makes you smile, too. This is what kissing should be, and suddenly, you can't imagine it any other way. Her hands are around you in a hug, as opposed to just resting on your hips, and your own arms are loosely around her neck. She's so warm. Maybe if you'd been normal in high school, you would have made out with someone on their couch and realised this ages ago.
Better late than never, you suppose, and then reign in your wandering mind because Elsa's got wandering lips and they're currently nuzzling into the side of your neck.
That same curling in your stomach, the one that you felt before, is still there. It's harder to ignore now, and you think you know exactly what it is. What it means.
It's a surprise, because nothing but your own mind and hand have ever made you feel this way before. It's ridiculous because Elsa hasn't done anything but kiss you.
But... she kisses so sweetly. Suddenly, you remember how she sounded that day. When that lady had come into her office and you'd wheeled in unexpectedly and heard her.
You shudder, gasping for breath. Elsa backs off immediately.
"A-Anna...?" She's looking at you with wide eyes – concerned eyes – and you take the chance to just regain some control. Not a lot, but enough.
"S-sorry," you say, "I just–"
"No, no! It's- I'm sorry, Anna. Too much, and–"
You cut her off when your hands move back around to cup her cheeks. She apologises so much, for things she shouldn't ever apologise for. This is one of them.
"I... am going to kiss you again," you say softly. "Unless you don't want me to. I–" You cut yourself off. Everything about her is so warm and welcoming, and you don't ever have to fear her reactions. Never have to be afraid of her.
So you sigh, letting your thumbs rub against her cheeks. Her eyes are shut, mouth slightly parted as she tries to catch her breath back. You don't even know the last time you breathed, but you must be because you're not reaching for air the same way she is.
"I want to kiss you again, and again, and again. I've imagined you, and I've heard you, but now I want to see you. And... and I know that's weird and whatever, and I didn't mean to like..." Your voice gets smaller, and now that you think about it, you actually feel a little lightheaded. "I didn't mean for it to happen but it has..."
Finally, Elsa opens her eyes. Her mouth is slightly ajar, and you can't look at her. Cards on the table. Your hands drop from her cheeks to rest on her shoulders, and from where your forearms lie, you can feel her chest as it rises and falls with each breath.
"You... want to see me?" she finally utters.
That... wasn't what you were expecting her to say, and you finally look at her. She's got a pink blush painted across her cheeks, and her eyes are shining. Biting your bottom lip, you nod. She tenses for a second, her whole body seizing before she relaxes. She lifts a hand to rest it against your cheek, and when she kisses you, it's with the passion you'd expected earlier.
You're holding each other's faces, keeping the distance as minimal as possible. Where before her tongue merely danced along your lips, it now begins to explore inside. She moans into your mouth, and every good feeling you've ever had about her comes pouring out as you kiss her. Her hair spills between your fingers, and she tugs yours from their plaits so she can do the same.
"I want you, Anna," she says, during a desperate pause for breath. She nuzzles against your throat again. "All of you, everything. Anything you want to give me, please..."
She can have everything. You want to give her everything, at least in this moment. She already has your heart, after all.
So you pull away, just enough to have her looking at you like she's maybe said something wrong. Except she hasn't, she's very definitely said something right, and you don't even have to tell her because you're moving to your chair and tugging her to her feet.
"Okay," you say simply. She just looks at you for a moment, as though unbelieving you could say such a thing.
"R-really?" she asks. Her eyes are wide, like she expects you to say something stupid like 'jinx!' or 'April fools!'.
You don't.
Still holding her hand, you kiss her fingertips. "Take me. I'm all yours." You look at her, making sure your eyes meet before continuing. "Elsa, take me to bed, please."
Either the words or the kisses, one of them, does something to her, and she has to close her eyes like she's trying to regain a little bit of control. Then she's nodding and swallowing thickly.
You have to let go of her hand so you can move, but she doesn't stray far, keeping it on your shoulder. When you're halfway down the hallway, you glance up at her.
She's already looking at you.
A smile curls the corners of your lips, one that's reflected on hers. You try not to think about what may come, but it makes little difference. You know what's going to happen, and your heart speeds up. You're doing this. You're doing this, with Elsa, and she's doing it with you.
It doesn't even matter what 'it' is, not really.
Whatever it is, you're doing it together.
notes: ahhhh it's here it's done but it's really only just getting started. I strongly urge you all to read the Elsa side-fic, A Night to Forget, in order to... prepare you for the next chapter. So you have a better understanding of Elsa and her thoughts and feelings and desires going into this with Anna. It's ElsaxOC, which I know probably isn't the cup of tea for most people reading this, but at the same time... you've stuck with me for 100 chapters of Hanna xD
also, I've had a few new people review over the last few chapters. I'm always grateful for your thoughts, and I just want to let those who were wondering know that this fic updates weekly :) No faster, no slower.
Thanks, everyone :)