December 21st 2019

Chapter 355
Their Cheers For Possibilities

For several seconds, she'd argued with herself over what to do… or not to do… They had made it a point, all of them, to keep the offer laid before them a secret until they had made a decision. It had to be their choice, no? So, they hadn't told a soul, not their parents, no significant others, and they weren't supposed to, not until the choice was made, but now… Now, Lucas knew something was up. She guessed they hadn't been as covert as they had meant to be.

She could tell him that it was something she couldn't talk about with him, not yet, and he would likely understand and agree to leave it alone. So long as he knew that she was okay, he'd have all he needed to have. That had always been something the two of them had together, and she loved that about him.

Except that only worked if she really meant to keep it all to herself, or rather that she wanted to keep it to herself. And right here and now, faced with the question, what she was left with was this thought that she genuinely just… needed him. She needed to have him to bounce her thoughts off of. The whole thing was just turning over and over in her head and if she didn't have an outlet, that was what it would keep doing. She couldn't turn to the girls in the band for this. She might influence their choice, and she didn't want to do that. And Lucas… Lucas would not try and sway her. He would listen.

"Want to go take a walk?" she asked him.

Two minutes later, they were walking up their street, without any real destination in mind, just going slowly along. Maya felt fingers slipping into her hand and she smiled, taking hold of Lucas' hand. Looking at this link between them, there were the birds, on his arm and hers, and the clocks now, too… It made her smile, all of it, and it reminded her – as though she needed reminding – that she was in a space of trust.

"Remember when we were in Tucson last weekend, I had a voicemail?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"I didn't get to listen to it until the next day, when we were back here."

"Okay," he nodded again, indicating he was following her.

"You know Malcolm, from the music store?" He did. "Right, well, the message was from his cousin, Audra. She got a copy of our Christmas album from Mal, and she listened to it, and she loved it."

"Liking her so far," Lucas declared, making Maya chuckle.

"She loved that one, and then she went and looked up more of our music, loved that even more, and so she got in touch with her cousin, because he'd told her how we were local and he knew us, knew me. He gave her my number, and she called."

"I feel like I'm missing a key piece of information…" Lucas looked at her and she looked up at him, nodding. Oh, big time.

"Audra… works for a record label. She wants to sign TXNY," Maya filled in that big blank in the middle of her story, and suddenly there was a completed picture before Lucas. He stopped walking at once, turning to look at her. Maya's heart started to drum faster again, like she was right back to that moment of hearing the message for the first time, and it was all over his face now, too. He was made as speechless as she'd been when she'd first heard the news, too.

"Maya…" was all he could say after a beat, just blinking, searching for words.

"I know," she nodded.

"Woah…"

"That's what I said," she revealed. "That's what we all said, pretty much," she reflected. "Didn't help us figure out what we're supposed to do with that. That's why I didn't tell you before," she went on to explain, because now that he knew she really felt she needed to tell him why he hadn't been told earlier. "We wanted to just… decide, all of us together, before we told anyone. But I just… That wasn't really working out for me…"

"So… what's the feeling?" he finally asked. She took this to be his way of making sure whether she was happy or not, so he might act in consequence. She breathed out, twisting her foot about…

"You know how sometimes, when I don't know how to put things into words I just… bust out the pencils and the paints, whatever works, and I put it into an image?" He did. "I can't even do that right now, it's like… it's too big for me to even…"

"Hey, hey," he caught her gesturing hands and grasped them in his. "Breathe," he bowed his head. She breathed in, out, looked at him again.

"See? This is what I was telling you, about needing you?" she smiled, and he gave a confident nod. "I just… I mean, this is huge."

"So huge," he agreed.

"There are people out there who would bend over backward for a chance like this. And I know it's not like this was just handed to us. We put in the work, for years, it's all out there for people to see. But none of us even really tried to get attention from any label. We were just doing our thing, and it works, and it's… so wonderful…" she hummed, shaking her head as she recalled so many moments big and small, of the existence of TXNY, here in Houston and before, in Austin.

"You made friendships happen. You made a marriage happen," Lucas pointed out, which made her beam, thinking of Sophie and Chiara. "And plenty more good things. The hair donations, the Christmas album…" he added. They were some of her favorite things about having been part of TXNY all this time.

"And we could do so much more if we… expanded, with this deal," she nodded at him, confirming how he was expressing some of her own arguments. "But…"

"What are the buts?" he asked, ready to hear, as they started walking again.

"Well, it's always been us, top to bottom. We started with Isadora writing our songs, putting them together for us. Then, I sort of took over. We created this presence we have, with our songs, our videos, our shows…"

"T-shirts and stickers…" Lucas added.

"Yes," she laughed. "But that's us," she pressed her hand to her heart. "And if we sign, there's going to be all these people around us. It could be a great thing, to have people to help us, I'm sure, but all I'm really seeing is us, the band, holding on to everything that makes TXNY what it is, and one by one, people are going to come and pull at it, take bits away, change other bits, until all we're left with is this little thing none of us recognize."

"Oh…" he sighed.

"Yeah. And even if it's not that, I mean… I just got handed my diploma today. So did Riley, so did Kayla… Are the last four years supposed to mean nothing all of a sudden? I'm not going to be out there, splitting my time between being an art teacher out here and do shows, and interviews, and all that, all over the place, and it's just… it's too much."

"So, don't do it," Lucas quietly told her. "If it's not the thing that's going to make you feel your happiest, most fulfilled, most you, then what more do you need to know?"

"I…" she started, just unsure what to say. Sighing, she turned into a hug, putting her arms around him, knowing he'd hug her right back, which he did. "What if I say no now, and later…"

"Do you think you would?"

"When I think about my future," Maya told him, closing her eyes, conjuring up the image in her mind, best as she could bring it forth, "I see… children… The ones I'll teach, and the ones we'll have…" She could feel his hand, cradling the back of her head, and she smiled, letting that picture fill in. "There's music, too. I couldn't give that up, don't want to. But if I say no, and they say yes, then either I'm giving up the band, or I have to go with them. I want to make a choice, but I'm scared… about what they'll decide after that."

"Hey…" he spoke, and she looked up at him again, even as she suspected her eyes were growing red and tearful from the push of her indecision. "I'm not going to be the one to decide. Whatever you choose, I'll back you up, but it's still up to you. All I can say is that… I get that this is a really big opportunity. But it can be as big as the whole world, and if it's not going to be the thing that makes you feel like you're where you're supposed to be, then none of that really matters, does it?"

"No," she chuckled through her tears, brushing them from her face.

"You good?" Lucas asked.

"I'm exhausted," she admitted. "But besides that, yes, I'm good."

"Want me to carry you back?" he smiled.

"As tempting as that is, I'm sure you're exhausted, too. Last thing we need is either of us getting hurt before the wedding. Zay and/or Nadine may kill us," she joked… mostly.

"I'll risk it," he told her, turning to present his back. She let out a breath.

"I can't tell if you're really nice or really crazy," she informed him as she looped her arms around his neck and he got his arms under her knees, lifting her up. It wasn't even difficult.

"I'm… Huckleberry," he decided for her, and a peel of giggles filled his ears.

"Home, home," she directed, and he started back toward the house.

As they went, Maya thought about this choice of hers and how it might impact the others. She felt more certain than ever that it was the right choice, for her, but she couldn't help thinking about the others, too. They'd been debating whether to talk it over again before or after the wedding, but now it was clear to her that they needed to talk about it sooner rather than later. Tomorrow, before some of them took off for Austin. They'd have to get together and they'd have to put all their cards on the table. No matter how it turned out for them.

"Should I come back down now?" Maya casually asked once they reached the house and had to deal with doorways and stairs.

"No, no, I'm good," he promised.

"Sure, okay, I trust you. I'm just going to tuck my head down a bit, yeah?"

They reached their room without incident, where Maya was let back on to her feet. She promptly came around to stand face to face with Lucas now, rather than face to back.

"Thanks," she told him. He knew better than to point out how he would have done it for her, anytime. She already knew that, but she still wanted to express the sentiment. He smiled, leaning even as she did, meeting her halfway for a kiss.

Later, as they lay in bed, slowly letting themselves drift off to sleep, Lucas would think about what she'd told him tonight, and he would keep thinking of something else, too. Two days… not even forty-eight hours… If not for the house, if not for how close they were to that big day he'd worked toward all year, he swore he would have asked her right then and there and thought 'well, close enough.' But instead, it just made him more determined than ever to give her the proposal she deserved. They were almost there now.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners