Asha couldn't remember how she got there. While her mind had been dwelling on what she'd witnessed, her feet seemed to know where they were going. She took a step closer to the edge of crumbling rock. The height made her stomach twist. Her eyes followed the current as it spilled over the edge and plummeted with a thunderous sound.
She was back at the beginning, back at the waterfall. If she'd only jumped then, she could have warned Rakaa's companions about the badblood. How many of them died because she was too afraid to jump? She would have never known Mah'ku or Sajuu, or the torture they put her through. She would have never known the stab of heartache.
All of it, all of the pain and sorrow was because she let fear stop her.
Asha jerked the leather strap on her belt buckle and let it fall away. She unclipped the dagger on her thigh and tossed it to the ground. With a breath, she kicked off her sandals and tied her hair back. Her heart was beating wildly, driven by her insecurities. This time, she wouldn't listen to them.
Asha sat with her back against the rock and her shoulders slumped. The Yaut pup laid beside her with its spines digging into her leg. She didn't care. Asha swept her palm over its scaly hide then folded her arms in her lap. As water dripped off her hair, she stared down at her empty hands.
"I've never seen a beast so tame."
Her head bobbed up to see Ain standing before her. Neither her nor the hound had heard him approaching. The pup made a half-hearted growl at his presence. However, it stayed on its side. Its legs were still sprawled out and its eyes were partly closed.
"My mom used to say 'The right woman can change a devil'...I guess I wasn't the right woman.'"
"What did Uh'luka do to you now?"
She swallowed, but her throat was too tight to speak.
"Are you injured?"
She didn't answer, so Ain crouched down in front of her. He shoved the Yaut pup away and began looking for wounds. His hands slid over her arms and legs, then felt her ribs. Asha drew her limbs close to her body and buried her face.
"Can you stand?"
When she didn't respond, his arms slipped under her knees to carry her. Asha pushed him away, "Don't. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine, Asha. Let me take you inside."
She shook her head.
Asha's shoulders were quaking. Her stomach muscles quivered. A strand of hair fell in front of her forehead, and Ain tucked it behind her ear but she still didn't look up at him. That deep fluttering noise reached her ears, but not even the purring could calm her.
"You're the only ooman I've ever interacted with. Tell me what I should do to console you."
"Just leave me alone." She murmured with her head still buried in her arms.
Ain took one step back then another before he turned and walked away. Asha slowly unfolded her arms and stroked the hound's side. She'd had enough time to mull it over. She knew what she had to do. When she tried to take in a deep breath, her lungs stuttered.
She contacted Zagros and he answered the transmission immediately, "Greetings Asha."
She tried to spit the words out but choked on them instead.
"Asha?"
She swallowed hard, trying to regain her composure, "You and Ain were right about Uh'luka. I'm leaving him."
"Are you injured?"
"No."
"Have you told him yet?"
"No, not yet."
"I'm coming to pick you up. Don't speak to Uh'luka until I'm there, in case he gets aggressive."
"He wouldn't. He hasn't been rough with me for months."
"Do as I say Asha."
She let out a sigh, "Ok."
"I have a place for you to stay and a job lined up. I thought you might need a backup plan in case something like this happened. I'll be there shortly."
"Ok. Thank you."
She wiped her eyes and looked over to the house. Uh'luka still wasn't home. If Zagros was relocating her, she needed to pack her things. She pushed herself up. The hound stood as well and stretched before gazing up at her.
"I'm going to miss you." She patted its head.
Once inside, Asha stood in the middle of the living room and looked around her house. She hadn't lived there long enough to make it a home. The furniture and appliances we're the same ones that had come with the dwelling. The only decorations were a few skulls Uh'luka had put up. She let out a weak sigh. At least packing would be easy.
She used the suitcase and small storage units they'd used for their trip. Her clothes, weapons, and armor were packed quickly. Only nicknacks remained. Asha almost thought she'd be able to leave without seeing Uh'luka, but then she heard the door. She held her eyes closed for a moment, drawing up her strength.
Asha set her belongings near the bedroom door, then stepped out. She kept her eyes on the floor as she went to the table in the living room where she made her jewelry. She quickly gathered the leather cord and other supplies. Her hands were shaking. She could hear Uh'luka walking closer.
"I have a gift for you."
Her eyes lifted just high enough to see the leather book he held out but refused to look at him.
"Asha, I know what you saw must have been upsetting…"
Her face puckered, but she clenched her jaw and held back tears.
"Astennu's trophies were gifts from suitors. The skulls are old and from aggressive oomans. She's never hunted your kind."
When Asha glanced up at him, a spike of pain hit her in the chest, "What the hell are you even talking about?"
"You saw the ooman skulls upstairs in Astennu's house. That's why you left earlier?"
"No," she choked, "I saw you buck naked and fucking her against the wall! That's why I left!"
"That upset you?"
Asha scoffed, "Of course it did you asshole!"
"She was willing. I didn't do anything unhonorable."
"You cheated on me and you don't think that's unhonorable?"
"I know the word 'cheat', but I don't get it in this context."
Her chest was aching, "Just get out of my sight!"
"I don't understand..."
"What's there to understand? You agreed to a monogamous relationship, then I caught you with another woman! We're over! I am not your mate!"
Uh'luka's mandibles folded close to his mouth.
Her heart fell to her feet. Without its pulse, Asha collapsed onto the couch behind her. Her lips quivered and her face puckered. Once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in steady streams. They ran down her cheeks and across her lips.
It broke her heart to say it, but it was better that way. It was better that she broke her own heart than let him break it every day they were together. There were enough cracks in it from him already.
"You are my mate, Asha. This is nothing but a misunderstanding."
He reached out slowly and slid his hand up her arm. A deep purr resonated from his chest. His other hand lifted to her face. Before he could touch her cheek, Asha turned to lean against his palm. His touch made it easier to breathe and the purring eased the pounding in her head.
"I didn't mean to hurt you."
Asha jerked away then. She stared at him with wide eyes, "That's what you always say!"
"I didn't know mating Astennu would upset you."
She scrambled away from him, "Yes you did! I'm not going to eat any more of your lies!"
"Yautjas do no lie."
"You use the same excuse every single time!"
"When you said monogamy, I assumed you meant you'd only take one partner--or even social monogamy, that you wanted to continue living together after the mating season ended...But you meant genetic monogamy?"
"Don't try and twist this around! You knew exactly what I meant!"
"Your translator implant isn't perfect. Maybe it--"
"No, no more excuses! I put myself in harm's way to ensure you didn't get exiled! I have been nothing but forgiving and patient! And you never gave so much as one apology!"
"Yautjas do not apologize like oomans. As a culture, we assume an ill action was unintended unless a challenge or insult is made. You see? We are both lost on each other's culture. This is just a misunderstanding."
She didn't believe a word he said anymore, "I opened up my home and my heart to you--just so you could take advantage of me!"
"Asha, you can't actually believe that? It has never been my intention to take advantage."
"That's what Ain and Zagros think. I just didn't want them to be right…"
"They aren't right. Not about that, not about us."
"Then why did you sleep with another woman?" Her voice was cracking, "It's not even the mating season!"
"Astennu reminded me of who I was before, of my determination to rise in rank. She didn't get pregnant this cycle, and we both didn't want to wait until the next mating season, so I--"
"Do you love her?"
"No!"
Asha lifted her head to look him in the eyes, "Do you love me?"
Uh'luka was silent for several long moments. She noticed his throat move before he said, "You know I care deeply for you...but yautjas are incapable of the same love as oomans."
Asha stared at him, tears welling in her eyes. Heartache didn't hit her like a blow to the chest, or a sweep of pain that took her to her knees. To her, it felt as if all the butterflies in her stomach had just died.
"I guess I'm on the wrong planet then."