God Rising: The Cult of Ainz

Written by: AtheistBasementDragon

Edited by: The Usual Gang of Drunken Perverted Idiots

Chapter 180: Broken Things

AN: Happy Holidays! Since we had some people donate food to food banks, I'm doing a short chapter bomb instead of just a winter vacation. Seven chapters, 6 GR and one Discord Exclusive comedy moved over. Enjoy... But one more thing!

AN TRIGGER WARNING: Scenes involving the character of Neia Baraja depict the symptoms of PTSD, done as realistically as the author can manage. If you find such instances difficult to read, well you have been cautioned.

...Forton…

'So, this is what an evening in a different flesh felt like. So strange, elven hands, elven ears, all different, yet also so like mine, so that was what it's like to be an elf.' Berenice thought to herself as she followed the Sorcerer King out of the room. 'Still, I miss my own body, it'll be good to be back in it again.' She followed demurely behind the undead king she had... unwittingly come to have an abiding respect for, she could feel it in her breast, his stirring speech, his vision. 'Is he really undead, or does he just look like it? Either way, my theocracy has grossly mishandled everything pertaining to him.' She kept the sigh internal and continued down the hall to his temporary office.

Their footfalls were the only thing to break the silence until they reached the large double doors that had once been the entrance to a human governor's office. Albedo opened the enormous heavy doors with seemingly the lightest touch, sending them flying in. 'Those once took the strength of two full grown men to part...' Berenice marveled at the casual display of strength out of the inhuman beauty, gawking for several seconds behind the pair until she regained control of her facial muscles.

Ainz moved behind the desk and sat down, while Lady Albedo moved to stand with hands folded in front of her, so that she was demurely behind his left hand. Berenice went to one knee in front of the desk and lowered her gaze. "Thank you, Your Majesty, for this evening."

"We have a few minutes before Vanysa arrives to restore you, so tell me something, I take it you found it a worthwhile way to spend your time then? Did it not disturb you, to find yourself playing the role of servant, or to wear the flesh of the race your people enslaved?" He asked the question without any malice in his voice, if anything, she felt he sounded curious.

She hesitantly shook her head, "It was easier than you might think, to play the servant. Priests and priestesses are... well in theory, we are supposed to be humble and see ourselves as servants, of the gods and of the people. I... admit, that when you see yourself as serving gods, it is easy to think of them as the only things over you, and all else is below. But we are 'supposed' to be the most humble of the humble, even if it is not always so, I have tried my whole life not to forget that obligation. Not always successfully, but I have always tried."

"And your body?" Ainz asked, somewhat more intensely.

Berenice was glad she was looking down, it hid the fact that she had a twitching in her eyes. "It feels real, it feels... like mine... Sire, I don't know how I can say this, but I will try. My race, my kingdom, has denigrated the value of elven lives to the point where they are only animals, livestock, or just tools that work, it's so integrated into who we are as a people that I... even... I suppose if I dare call myself 'reformed' or 'awakened'. It was hard to imagine that they could feel pain like we did. That they could be frightened like we could... they were mannequins, moving dolls that mimicked awareness... I was wrong. We were wrong. I knew it before now, but feeling that flesh as my own brought the shock of how much so, right to my heart. I stubbed my toe on the stairs, and it hurt just like it did when I was a human, I dropped a glass and cut my finger slightly when picking up the mess, and the blood flow felt like when I was human, the sting felt just like it did as a human."

"So you felt their pain and found it to be just the same as yours." Ainz summarized.

Berenice bit her lip and hung her head in shame. "I did. And knowing what I know now, I will not forget it. I don't know how I'll ever make up for how I lived before, but I know I can never go back."

It was just at that moment that one of the double doors was pushed open and a familiar demoness entered with an object in hand.

"Ready?" Ainz asked Berenice bluntly.

"I am." She said and closed her eyes, "I hope it doesn't hurt as much this time though."

"It will." The demoness said calmly.

Berenice looked up at her, "If it does, it does. For what it's worth though, I am sorry... Vanysa."

The horned girl gave a toothy grin, "Yah remembered this time, good. Alright, brace yerself, this's gonna hurt like the dickens."

She took Berenice by the back of her head, then held a shimmering, round, smooth stone up and pressed it to Berenice's forehead. She screamed, it was like her veins were on fire, she clawed desperately at the wrist of the demoness, but Vanysa didn't move, she only held it firm. "It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!" Berenice screamed over and over again as she felt her body's internal fluids heat up and her skin sizzle.

Seconds later, Vanysa pulled back and looked at the stone like object in her hand, then down at Berenice.

"Huh?" She asked as Berenice fell forward and breathed as if she had just run a marathon.

Vanysa looked from the object to the subject again and again, dumbfounded, then back over her shoulder, "Maj'sty, it ain't workin." Her eyes were half crazed, "I'll try it a'gin!" She reached down and grabbed Berenice by the hair, close to her scalp and yanked it back, forcing her to look up, and then the demoness pressed the stone to the former Cardinal's forehead again.

Another round of screaming began, followed by more desperate clawing to drag the source of pain away from her forehead, and then a loud 'crack' that drowned out even the screaming, caused her to pull away.

She released her grip and stepped back as Berenice fell forward again, evidently unharmed, but breathing hard and in agony. "No more... no more... it hurt so much... I can't endure that a third time... what... happened?" She said from all fours as she stared at the floor.

A second crack sounded, and the demoness looked down at the stone in her palm as the cracks spread, and then it shattered and disappeared. Her golden skin went pale as she turned to her master and prostrated herself. "Master... it done broke... dunno know how... me an Demiurge thought it'd work but... somethin's wrong."

Ainz and Albedo traded a brief look. Albedo seemed particularly distressed, her left hand lingered on her belly for a moment, and anger appeared on her face. "Explain why that didn't work."

"Ah dunno know, ah really dunno... shoulda, it done got her ta be'an elf, shoulda worked... that damn thin took months fer us ta make!" Vanysa's eyes welled up with tears of frustration. "Ah trahed, we trahed, real hard! Real hard!" Her fists balled in frustration on the floor from her prostrate position.

"Be at ease." Ainz said, raising his hand calmly and touching Albedo's right arm, "It was only a prototype, there are bound to be failures, failure is the aperture for finding success, it is frankly amazing that you were able to transform her at all."

Berenice began to get back to her posture on one knee, "So... I can't go back, Sire?" She asked, a stunned, wide eyed expression on her face.

Ainz stroked his chin in thought, "It is... not impossible, Berenice... but it would require the use of items we have yet to successfully replicate. The demoness beside you, remember, was once human, I used one such item on her because of the service she rendered unto me before, and down to the hour of her death. She gave everything up, and was rewarded with a new life as a result. Such a gift is not lightly bestowed."

"I... understand." Berenice said softly, "You can't just use something rare like that on me, what have I done for you, after all? I have already been treated as a guest, and you saved my life, you even gave me a glimpse into what you were going to do next... I can't ask you to give me more... will I... stay like this permanently then?" She asked as she tried to wrap her mind around it all.

"Vanysa?" Ainz asked.

Vanysa slowly rose, "Ahm right sorry, really," she said as she reached out and stroked the place on Berenice's head that she'd but moments earlier, painfully gripped. "Thin is, fer this ta work how it wuz s'posed ta, it kinda had ta be like a permanent thin, an it shoulda broughtcha back th'same way. Ah mean, we gonna make more an try'n figure it out, gots ta be honest though, some of our subjects got blowed up, an some caught fire an turnt to ash. We can try agin if'n yah want us to, or jus wait till we make it work proper."

She closed her eyes in frustration, and when they opened after a long moment, they were clear again. "Really, Lady Berenice, I didn't do this to you out of some petty revenge, it really was supposed to work, but I'm afraid this is permanent until we find a solution, there must be some underlying reason why it can take you one way, but not another, perhaps the object we used is the problem, we might need something different. But..." she drew her hand away from her, "if it helps, this seems to be such a real change that you got an elven lifespan, if it takes a few hundred years to make you human again... so what?"

"That will be all, Vanysa, go report your results to Demiurge." Ainz sighed, 'So much for that, I wonder how many years before we'll see progress on those experiments.' He thought to himself as she bowed and hastily excused herself.

Albedo had her teeth gritted, but she said nothing more as Berenice knelt in silence and contemplation. "Albedo, go with Vanysa, she seems not to be entirely stable today, convey what happened to Demiurge, he will no doubt require your... exceptional assistance."

"My Lord." Albedo said deferentially, bowed, and exited as well.

When the door closed behind her, Ainz looked at the kneeling woman for several seconds of quiet contemplation. "Berenice." Ainz said finally.

She looked up.

"This was an accident, I can assure you of that much, the risk of experimentation, but nonetheless it does put you in an unexpected position which was not my intention, you understand?" He asked politely.

"I do, I have... come to understand that you are not... like that. You didn't do this to me to make it some kind of cruel irony, I know that, I took the risk by choice, whether I died, or... less expectantly, this." She replied calmly, and peacefully.

"Good, nonetheless, it happened here under my aegis. You were rescued by virtue of our deal with Queen Zesshi, she did not want you killed, as a result, I was going to leave your final disposition to the end of the war. To keep you here until then so you would not be recognized. I do not think you will be recognized now." He said somewhat sardonically.

Berenice touched her ears and laughed at the irony, "Agreed, My Lord."

"Thus I will give you a choice. I can let you go, as long as you do not reveal your true identity, you can wander the world as a free elf, and return if you wish to be restored to humanity when we have worked out how. Or you can remain here in Nazarick as my guest, and we can work something else out to do with you then. If you choose to go, I will provide you with a handful of coins enough to get you started, and some simple supplies. You can go live a normal life in a different flesh. Perhaps go to the elf kingdom, live under Queen Zesshi's rule, and reveal yourself to her sometime after the war if you want. What will it be?" Ainz asked placatingly as he folded his skeletal fingers together in front of him in 'Conciliatory leader pose #12'.

Berenice looked at him with wide eyes that were so full of awe that she felt something more than the respect she'd felt before.

...Great Hall...

Silence but for the flickering flames of candles around the room, bathing the world's center of power in an orange light as if from dozens of tiny suns, and through a window, an owl's call brought them back to themselves. Finally, Akrotiri spoke, "This is... so much, so vast a vision to take in, Great King, may I suggest we reconvene tomorrow, after we have rested and had time to ponder the considerable weight of your words...?"

Ainz inclined his head magnanimously, "A wise suggestion, hasty decisions are unsafe ones. Ponder what you have learned as you rest. My maids will show you to your quarters for the night, you will be well guarded to protect against any harm that anyone might wish upon you." He said with an easy calm that bespoke his considerable nobility.

'When he lived, he must have been a king of legend, if he was once a mortal at all...' King Rargnan thought to himself as the delegates stood and walked to the exit as if from a dream.

Neia and Enri stood at once, "General Neia, could you... wait a bit?" She asked.

The Black Paladin stopped where she stood, she responded by action, waiting as others filed away, none said anything to her as they left, most avoided looking at her, save for Calca, who only looked at her with an expression that Neia found difficult to identify, and so brushed off.

"Your Majesty." Neia bowed deeply as the Sorcerer King finished trading words with Lady Albedo, and the two of them left, followed by an elven servant.

"Well? What is it?" Neia asked abruptly when the doors closed and left them alone.

"What do you plan to do?" Enri folded her arms in front of her chest as she went over to where Neia stood a few feet from the table.

"Crush my father's enemies, drive them before me, and hear the lamentations of their survivors. I will do this until there are no more enemies of my father to crush, and the world is his, or he commands me to stop." Neia folded her arms in front of her in the same way, and the two traded glares of steel.

'Is this me? Is this really me? How can I do this? Look at her?!' Enri screamed inside her head, but as she thought of what was at stake, she forced herself to carry on.

"No, here. Now. In this place, you have something in mind, don't you?" Enri demanded, her nostrils flared as she took a heavy breath, Neia's eyes popped briefly wide before returning to their narrow state.

"You do, tell me." Enri ordered her firmly.

"I don't work for you, General Enri. Mind your own affairs, I will do what is necessary to win this war..." Neia growled out.

"This isn't a war!" Enri shouted and reached out in a fit of anger to grab the collar of Neia's shirt.

Neia's hand darted up and grabbed Enri by the wrist in a grip the peasant general couldn't hope to break, and she squeezed, just a bit. Neia's voice was the caress of death. "Being on the same side does not mean I will allow you to grab me."

Enri gritted her teeth as her hand was held fast. She did not reveal that it hurt, not even a little. "You are a better general than I am, I admit that, at least in the field." Neia said trainquilly. "But I am much, much stronger." She increased the pressure just a little bit, and Enri's lips parted slightly, and the faintest whimper came out as she felt something give under the General's hold.

Neia released her grip. Enri yanked her hand back and cradled the wrist. 'God, did she break it, did she break my wrist?! It hurts, oh god it hurts...' Enri thought to herself, but suppressed all sign of it on her face.

"Nobody touches me." Neia warned her, a face of stone, neutral, "No one..." and then for a fleeting moment, almost imperceptible, a flash of anguish ran across her face like a breeze, before it returned to its tranquil state.

Enri clutched the wrist and bent forward slightly over it, holding it to her chest. "Damn it, Neia, this isn't a war!"

Neia shook her head, "You are wrong. This is a war. Everything is war, everything is war until our god's rule and place goes unquestioned. Until then, the only difference is that they haven't drawn their swords yet. You're right, I intend to carry my lord's vision, our enemies have made of me a monster, everyone believes it... you are on my side... but you believe it. I'm a dangerous threat, I can be trusted to kill and destroy everything in the way." Neia took a step closer to Enri.

For a moment, Enri remembered huddling over her little sister in a desperate attempt to save her from the knight, and her eyes widened. She slid a foot back, Neia stopped. "See?" She asked, and stopped. "The delegates here have been enthralled by the deaths of forty thousand soldiers, they have been enthralled by our Lord's charisma, noble spirit, and his vision, I will use my own meager abilities to keep them focused. I will befuddle their minds with either fear or optimism, so that when they go home, they will either go home committed to his vision, or go home so afraid of his wrath coming to their kingdoms, that they will never act to bring it down."

"You can't do that!" Enri said calmly, "You don't have the right to do that." She hissed.

"You didn't have the right to grab me, you tried anyway, you failed. Had you the strength to do it, you would have succeeded. The rights that matter are the rights that win, I will do anything to see that this win is total, so that it never has to be fought for again. Hate me as much as you like, General Enri, resent me if you will, but there will not need to be another me, when all has come to pass." Neia said evenly.

Enri looked at her numbly, her wrist was throbbing. The pain was becoming more pronounced, "I don't hate you, Neia, I don't. You want the truth, sometimes I'm a little jealous of you." She let out a laugh that cut off quickly when she jostled her wrist.

"Jealous? Are you sure 'you' are not the crazy one?" Neia asked her with a cockeyed look.

Enri gave a weak smile as she rubbed her wrist, she felt it start to swell. "I was serving His Majesty before you, remember, he came to my village, we were his first loyal followers, but you're the one whose wedding he attended, you're the one he stood for, you're the one who... well, if any human is his sword, it's you. I don't... see him the way you do, but he also sees you in a way he'll never see me, so... how can I not envy that. But despite that... I'm... I'm not trying to stop you because I want to, I'm trying to stop you because it's the right thing to do! Not just for the people you might hurt, but for you too!"

"The right thing to do, is to win." Neia said simply, decisively. "How's your wrist?" She asked as she tried to process what Enri had just said.

"Hurts like hell." Enri responded honestly, "But what about the right thing for you?"

"Right thing for me? Not a few hours ago you were talking about having me hanged." Neia raised an eyebrow doubtfully.

"I was angry... still am, actually! But I mean it, what about the right thing for you?! I know your record, and you've got a wife now, if you keep these things up..." Enri stopped talking as Neia let out a laugh.

"There is no right thing for me, not anymore. I shot children, I destroyed armies and cities, I mutilated prisoners... overseers and breakers yes, but still. I'm a threat to everyone around me, so... I'll surround myself with enemies of my lord, and destroy them, there doesn't need to be anything for me after that." Neia spoke bluntly and without emotion, an almost tranquil resignation about her.

"But you can't...!" Enri said in disbelief.

"Can't what?! I 'can' do any damn thing that needs to be done!" Neia snapped and stepped closer, Enri did not move back a second time.

"Lose hope!" Enri shouted into Neia's face so loudly that flecks of spittle splashed over her face.

Neia looked at her blankly. "The last few days have taught me one thing about hope."

"And what is that?" Enri asked hesitantly.

"That sometimes the people whose job it is to give it, don't get to have it. I'll make sure all this isn't for nothing, the elves will be free, many people who would have died will get to live, my god will have his temples in every city, my king will reign supreme. I will have to be satisfied that this hasn't been for nothing. Just do yourself a favor, and don't get in my way, thank you for your... concern, and... I'm sorry I was hard on your wrist." Neia said with a sad sincerity and tried to walk away.

Enri rushed to get in front of her. "Neia, I mean it, this can't..."

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way. We're done here." Neia snarled through clenched teeth.

Enri held her ground. Neia raised her hand, slowly, inexorably, and gently put it over Enri's throat, they locked eyes, "Don't forget, I'm the child killer, the city destroyer, and this hand that is over your throat right now, was around the throat of the woman I love in... a fit. My own friends called me a threat to them, and what's more, I proved them right. Just stay out of the way." Enri still didn't move.

'Oh god no… she wouldn't really do it, would she? Is she herself? Her fingers are shaking, is she… scared? Of what?!' Enri thought in a rush as her heart raced.

"Please." Neia asked, 'Move! Move damn it! God damn it move... please move… I have to go I have to go, let me go I have to leave I have to be alone!' She thought, her breath began to quicken, her fingers tensed, and Enri got a glimpse of something else behind the mask for a moment, then hesitantly stepped aside, and Neia let her hand fall away as the peasant general made way for her.

Neia looked behind her when she was safely several feet away, "Don't get me wrong, Enri. I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate what I did, I hate what I do, and I hate what I see when I sleep, like I told Remedios before I killed her. I didn't want any of this. But here we are regardless, and there is no other way. You know what's really funny though?"

"What?" Enri asked in a hollow voice.

"I got a chance to speak with Raymond, he begged me to find some way to spare the survivors of the Last Battle of Prart, I told him no. He told me it would haunt me the rest of my life. Do you know what I said?"

Enri shook her head, "I don't, I only know what I hear and read, and that was nowhere."

"Not surprising, I didn't write it down, neither I suppose, did my wife. I told him I knew that, but I'd do it anyway." Neia replied in a voice entirely empty of emotion.

"I fail to see the humor." Enri answered dryly.

"I've had to explain the same thing to allies, family, friends, and even foes... The only thing that matters, is what has to be done, and that someone does it. As the living symbol of devotion to His Majesty, I can't slow down, I can't quit, I can't take a break, I can't show 'any' weakness, because it will reflect badly on him. I could slaughter thousands, and if he punishes me, he's redeemed, but if I fail, there's no coming back from that. He'll be the god that failed, and that won't fly at the Synod. So all that I do, 'has' to be done. You want to keep your conscience? Fine, stay out of the way, let me do the dirty work. Don't worry about me, I can handle this. But... I really am sorry, I didn't realize how hard I gripped, it's... just training, you don't stop attacks with half measures and... well you know that already. Goodnight." She said, and walked away.

'I will prove you wrong, wrong about everything.' Enri raged in her own mind at Neia's retreating back, before eventually leaving the room empty herself, and heading to her quarters where she kept an extra healing potion.