(At the Dead Waifu Bar, the boys are setting up for Christmas. Hajime is setting up the tree, Shuichi is hanging up the tinsel, and Munakata is slicing up some Christmas ham.)
Shuichi: You know I've always been more of a Halloween guy, but I still love Christmas.
Hajime: It is a great holiday. You should see how the others celebrate Christmas. It's insane. Teruteru makes a huge Christmas feast, which the imposter and Akane usually eat most of. Peko and Fuyuhiko hang up the decorations high and low. Mahiru takes a bunch of pictures for the Christmas album. Hiyoko, Ibuki, and Mikan put on a Christmas show. Nekomaru dresses up as Santa while Nagito is his elf. Then Gundam gets eight reindeer which Souda makes a sleigh for just for Sonia to ride in.
Shuichi: That sounds awesome!
Munakata: It sounds chaotic.
Shuichi: Hey I know, we should invite them to celebrate here!
Hajime: Oh yeah, why didn't I think about that.
Munakata: Because we don't have room.
Shuichi: Ooh, can I invite Maki and Himiko?
Hajime: Sure, let's do it.
Munakata: What if Vixen traps us all in a Christmas book again?
Vixen (popping out of nowhere): Don't worry, that's not happening.
Hajime: Why?
Vixen: I gotta cover for one of Santa's reindeer.
Shuichi (excited): Rudolph!
Vixen: I wish. That guy is my hero. But no, I'm filling in for Vixen.
Hajime: Oh yeah, there is a reindeer named Vixen.
Vixen: Can you believe she's the only girl on Santa's team?
Hajime: Nope.
Vixen (putting on her reindeer antlers): Well, wish me luck. Happy holidays.
Shuichi: Good luck.
Hajime: Whelp we better prepare the place for 20 plus people.
Munakata: No.
Shuichi: Man I bet this will lead to a bunch of holiday hijinks.
…
(Ignoring the Dead Waifu Bar plot, the scene cuts to the Despair Pub. There Tsumugi is feverishly sewing Santa outfits, Monica is playing an ultra violent video game while eating burnt cookies despair Chisa left, and Junko is trying to read "What to do when the love of your life rejects you, even in the afterlife". The radio is playing non stop public domain Christmas music that is slowly driving Junko crazy. Tsumugi's additional cheerie humming isn't helping.)
Junko: grr
Tsumugi (starting to sing): jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the-
(Junko chucks her book at Tsumugi.)
Tsumugi: Eeek.
Junko: I have had it up to here with all this Christmas Crap!
Monica: Big surprise you'd be a grinch.
Junko: All of this love and joy during my birthday is unacceptable! People should be cold and miserable during the darkest time of the year, not holly and jolly.
Tsumugi: Don't worry Junko, I got you presents for your birthday.
Junko: That's not my point. The point is christmas is up there as one of the biggest thorns in my side and I am done with it!
Monica: What are you going to do? Steal Christmas like the Grinch you are. You know it's not gonna work.
Junko: What if I am?
Monica: I'd say you're shit out of luck with stealing the Dead waifu gang's holiday cheer. They got everyone of the old remnants going to their party, including my old school mates.
Junko: Who said I'm stealing their Christmas? No, I'm stealing a much more precious Christmas.
Tsumugi: Oooh you're gonna steal the Christmas of the-
Junko: I am going to steal the Heavenly Cafe girls' Christmas. My sister, Chiaki, and that old she-Wolf's Christmas will be ruined in one fail swoop. It'll be like killing three birds with one stone.
Monica: You need to be like that Disney Princess and just "Let it Go". Accepting you have an obsession is the first step to recovery.
Junko: Screw recovery! It's nothing compared to the sweet taste of vengeance.
Monica: I went along with the halloween scheme, but I am not participating in your Christmas scheme.
Junko: Not even for the most violent brain numbing video game ever?
Monica: Fine. But if we get sucked into a painting again, I'm going to kick you.
Tsumugi: But we've never been to heaven, so we don't know the layout.
Monica (sarcastically): Quick, go on an apology tour and say you're weally sowwy. That's what my dad did whenever he got caught doing some unpleasant things behind closed doors.
Tsumugi: Is he in heaven somehow?
Monica: No he's burning in the deepest pits of hell along with all the other corporate scumbags.
Tsumugi: Yikes.
Junko: Damn it you two, FOCUS! Now, we need an inside person, someone who knows the layout.
?: How about an inside man.
(The three turn to the door and see a hunched figure covered in snow and ice.)
Tsumugi: Ahhh it's a snow monster from one of those JRPGs!
Monica: Take the blue one.
?: Oh, sorry to frighten you ladies.
(The figure wipes away the snow and ice revealing himself to be Tengan.)
Junko: Who the hell are you?
Tengan: Don't you remember? I worked at Hope's peak.
Junko: Not ringing any bells.
Monica: Are you supposed to be grandpa Kirigiri?
Tengan: No, I'm Tengan Kazuo.
Tsumugi: Oh now I remember. You were voted the number 1 worst mastermind in the entire franchise.
Junko: Oh now I remember. You're the old geezer who ripped off the nonary game. Chisa ranted about you a couple times. Gotta say, you're even more pathetic in person. What did you die of, a heart attack?
Tengan: Actually it was a slash to the throat that did me in.
Monica: God even your death is lame for a mastermind.
Tengan: I took out Munakata's eye with my dying breath.
Junko: Please even plain Jane over here had the guts to be obliterated by a rock.
Tsumugi: Thanks?
Tengan: If you want to keep roasting me go ahead, but when you're done I'd like to discuss our strategy.
Junko: Hey, Just cause you're old and crusty doesn't mean you can wheelchair over here and tell us what to do! We're the greatest masterminds in history and you're just an ugly fat wart in it.
Tsumugi: Yeah, what Junko said. Bitch.
Monica: Tsumugi no one likes a kiss ass.
Tengan: Well, if you don't want my services, I suppose you youngsters can blindly charge into Chisa's fortress by yourself. You'll cause a ruckus trying to find your target and she'll come and beat you with a broom and curb stop you right back here.
Junko: You got some wrinkly ones old man.
Tsumugi: Maybe we should take him up on his offer.
Monica: I'd prefer not to be beaten with a broom so I agree.
Junko: Suppose we did work with you. What are you getting out of this?
Tengan: Just some good old fashioned revenge on Chisa.
Junko: Now you're starting to speak my language. Fine we'll work with you.
Tengan: Wonderful. Now here's the blueprints. We'll have to be diligent since it's Christmas Eve. It's heaven, so they won't suspect a thing.
Junko: Then let's get to it my gremlins!
…
(Up in the heavenly cafe, the girls are happily playing about in the main room. Kaeda is playing Christmas songs on the piano, Natsumi and Mukuro are writing Christmas cards, and both Chiaki's are playing a co-op Christmas game. All the while Chisa is cooking up a grand Christmas dinner.)
Kaeda (singing while playing): Jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way!
Natsumi (Without a hint of sarcasm): Nice singing Kaeda.
Kaeda: You think so? Usually you tell me to shut up when I sing.
Natsumi: That was before December.
Kaeda: Oh, so you want to be extra nice to make Santa's nice list?
Natsumi: That's part of it. The other part is I don't want Krampus to come and punish me.
Mukuro: Oh I remember him. He's half goat I think and comes to punish naughty children by whipping them, pulling their ears, and shoving them in his sack so he can take them to hell.
Kaeda: Yikes.
Mukuro: Junko really liked him growing up, but now I realize that was just another red flag.
Kaeda: Aw Mukuro, it's okay. You're here with us now and we all love you.
Natsumi: Yeah. Plus it's your birthday, so don't worry about the past and focus on the now.
Mukuro: It is surprisingly nice to have a birthday all to myself that isn't spent on the battlefield. Though I still don't really understand Christmas.
Natsumi: Everyone's got a different interpretation for what Christmas means. Back in the clan it was a time of giving back to the community and breaking bread with neighbors. We always had a huge toy drive and somehow me and my big bro always got roped into singing in elf costumes. Peko was a reindeer.
Kaeda: Daww that's so cute. I remember when I was little I went to so many Christmas recitals, usually at the senior center. Every time I wore the cutest little Christmas dress and ribbon, but my hard black shoes were really uncomfortable. Still, seeing the smiling faces on those seniors faces was the best. Sometimes they gave me hard candies as a reward.
Mukuro: That's nice. Nanami what did you do for Christmas?
Nanami (looking up from her game): Oh, well before I came to Hope's peak I didn't really do a lot because my mom was always busy with work. But then when I became class rep we had the best Christmas parties. Chisa would help us make ornaments and we'd put them on a class Christmas tree.
Mukuro: Chiaki?
Chiaki: This is my first Christmas.
Kaeda: Then you'll learn the meaning of Christmas together. Of course we're here to help too.
Chiaki: Thanks
Chisa (coming in from the kitchen): Alright my lovelies, dinner is ready.
Kaeda: Oh boy, I call dibs on a chicken drum!
Natsumi: Say Chisa, what did you do for Christmas as a kid?
Chisa: Well Munakata, Juzo, and I always participated in a local Christmas pageant. Munakata and I were always Joseph and Mary, meanwhile Juzo always had a different part. One time he was cast as a bull in highschool and he was so embarrassed wearing bullhorns.
Natsumi: Ha that totally sounds like him.
Kaeda: It's funny to think of mister Munakata playing a dad.
Chisa: He's a butthead when it comes to his feelings, but deep down he cares.
(The doorbell rings)
Chiaki: Uncle Juzo is here.
Chisa: Then let him in silly.
(Chiaki goes over to the door and opens it. Juzo walks in wearing a Santa suit.)
Natsumi: Looks like christmas traditions never change.
Chisa: I'm so happy you came Juzo.
Juzo: The pleasure's all mine.
Kaeda: Did you bring us presents?!
Chisa: Kaeda, be patient.
Kaeda: Okay…
Nanami: How is the rest of future foundation?
Juzo: They're all binge watching holiday movies down at the afterlife theatre. Seiko and Ruruka make a good hot chocolate now that they buried the hatchet. Though Kizakura left to go drinking with Kirigiri's dad and I guess Tengan also left to see some relatives for the season.
Nanami: That sounds nice.
Mukuro: I haven't really seen any holiday movies.
Chiaki: Neither have I.
Natsumi: Guys we told you we were marathoning them. Why didn't you join us?
Mukuro: I had to practice.
Chiaki: I got too focused on my game.
Chisa: Well then why don't you two watch some Ranken Bass specials after dinner. That'll get you in the Christmas spirit.
Kaeda: I love Nester the Christmas Donkey
Natsumi: You mean the Rudolph clone.
Nanami: It's been a while since I've seen Rudolph.
Chisa: Well you're in luck, because Vixen lent us her Rudolph DVD collection.
Natsumi: Can't she just catch it on TV like a normal person.
Chisa: He's her childhood hero so no.
Nanami: Cute.
Natsumi: Alright, enough chatting let's get eating!
Chisa: Natsumi
Natsumi: Please.
Chisa (parting her head): That's better.
(Everyone sits in for a long dinner full of delicious food like applesauce, chicken, mashed potatoes, bread rolls, Shepard pie, and more. Afterwards, Chisa brings out a velvet birthday cake for Mukuro. Mukuro almost cries when she blows out the candles and takes a bite. Once dessert is done, everyone helps Chisa clean the dishes, even Juzo. All the girls change into their Christmas themed PJs and excitedly gather around the television as Chisa puts in the DVD.)
Nanami (to Mukuro and Chiaki): You're both going to love Rudolph.
…
(Eventually Juzo returns to his post and switched out with Izayoi. That's when the despair gang put their plan in motion. Tsumugi, cosplaying Chisa, runs up to him with a present.)
Chisa?: Oh Juzo, I almost forgot. Munakata got this for you.
Juzo: Oh, thanks.
(Juzo opens the present and finds a cherry pie.)
Chisa?: Ooh that looks yummy.
Juzo: You want a bite?
Chisa?: No I'm full from dinner.
Juzo: Okay.
(Juzo grabs a piece and eats it.)
Juzo: This is pretty good. I wonder what kind of sugar he put into it.
Chisa?: I don't know.
Juzo (yawns): It's delicious…
Chisa?: Yep. You know I'm so full I think I'm going to go straight to bed. You know, let the food digest while I sleep.
Juzo (yawning louder): yeah…
(Juzo falls over dead asleep.)
Chisa?: The bull has dropped.
(Tsumugi changes out of her Chisa cosplay and into a reindeer outfit. She runs over to help Monica, who is also a reindeer, pull a monotone sleigh. The sleigh is heavy enough, but Junko, dressed in a fancy Santa suit, refuses to get out and just lounges in it while Tsumugi, Monica, and Tengan, also dressed as Santa, pull her to the cafe.)
Junko: Faster!
Monica: Why did I agree to this?!
Tengan: If I survived a pipe to the chest, I can survive this!
Tsumugi: But you would've died of that if your throat wasn't sliced first.
Monica: Don't make the strongest puller doubt himself at a time like this!
…
(Eventually, the team pulls through and reaches the cafe. However, before they go in, they have to hide since a sleigh is already perched on the roof. Attached to it is a familiar giant red fox with a shiny red nose.)
Tsumugi (having a panic attack): Oh no it's-!
Junko (silencing Tsumugi with her hat): Can it four eyes!
Tengan: Is she okay.
Monica: Just PTSD, I'm sure you can relate since your old. Vixen mauled and ate her a few times so…
Tengan: Oh my.
(Suddenly, Vixen's ears twitch and she looks over to the despair gangs' hiding spot behind a billboard. She starts growling in fox as her fur rises. Just when it seems she's preparing to pounce, someone comes up the chimney. Not Santa, but Chisa dressed in a lovely Santa outfit.)
Junko: The hell?
Chisa: Alright, ready for a full Christmas run?
Vixen: You bet! This is the best Christmas present ever!
Chisa (laughing): Good, let's keep that energy going. Hi ho Vixen!
(Vixen kicks up her paws and leaps into the air. Somehow the giant fox flies off along with Chisa and her sleigh.)
Monica: Well that was weird.
Junko: At least we don't have to worry about those nuisances. Tengan, you got the grappling hook?
Tengan: Right here.
Junko: Monica, you're up.
(While Monica uses the grappling hook to get on the roof, Tsumugi wakes up from her fainting spell.)
Tsumugi: Is it Christmas already?
Junko: God you're such an imbecile.
(Monica manages to get on the roof but stops short of the chimney and looks down at the others.)
Monica: Can't you just pick the lock with the sharp ends of two candy canes?
Junko: No! Now if miss birthing hips can do it, so can you.
Monica: Fine, but if I slip and break my neck in there, I will come back and break all your necks. Just saying.
(Carefully Monica steps into the chimney and uses the bricks to climb down. Luckily the chimney is surprisingly clean so Monica doesn't get a smidge of soot on her, but she does slip and fall right onto the woodpile below. She emerges from the chimney and is about to head for the door when her stomach growls. Looking around, she spots a glass and plate in the darkness. Unfortunately the milk and cookies are gone, but she still licks up the crumbs and tries desperately to get the last little drop of milk. Across from the milk and cookies, Rudolph is playing on the TV. Monica gets sucked in a bit as the misfit toys are singing.)
Junko (slamming on the door): Hurry up already!
(Monica almost drops the glass in surprise. With a sigh, she puts it back and heads for the door to unlock it. Junko slams the door open with Monica behind it.)
Junko (rubbing her hands together): Well well well WELL. Where do I begin? The Christmas tree of course!
(Junko tiptoes over to the tree like the grinch. The tree is huge with twinkling lights and all kinds of ornaments. Underneath are a colorful assortment of presents big and small. Just as Junko is about to to reach for a present, Tengan stops her.)
Tengan: Hold it!
(Tengan takes out a smoke bomb and reveals hidden lasers.)
Tengan: I'll handle this.
(Tengan starts popping every joint and stretching, Junko gags at the sight. Carefully Tengan looks for an opening and jumps in. He's surprisingly limber and does a good job, however just before he's to the tree, something cracks in his back. Tengan falls over in pain and trips the lights.)
Security voice: Krampus mode on.
(Tsumugi looks around nervously but nothing seems to have happened.)
Tsumugi: Must be a fluke. Why don't I check the other rooms.
(Tsumugi dashes for the stairs with a glimmer in her eye.)
Tsumugi: I could get authentic wigs for my cosplays and souvenirs!
Monica (pulling her down by her skirt.): You're not blowing our cover over a fangasm.
Junko: The gremlin's right, now get over here and help us steal Christmas.
Tsumugi: Fine…
(While Junko, Tengan, and Tsumugi steal presents, Monica sneaks off into the kitchen. She smells all kinds of delicious things as she heads towards the giant fridge. Inside on the highest shelf is the most delicious looking Christmas chicken, however, Monica is too small to grab it so she has to climb up on the fridge shelves. Just as she's within reach, all the shelves collapse. Monica topples to the ground onto the food and the chicken hits her in the head.)
Monica (groaning): The things… I do… for food.
(Monica devours the chicken down to the last bone.)
Monica (patting her belly): Yum.
(Suddenly, Monica is hit with a small burning sensation in her mouth that grows into a blaze of spiciness. Monica races to the sink and tries to get water, but it won't work. Desperate, she runs out the door, slamming it shut behind her, and shovels snow into her mouth. She keeps eating more and more snow.)
Tsumugi: Is Monica okay?
Junko: Who cares, get that small red box with holes in it.
Tsumugi: On it!
(Tsumugi grabs the present and notices something moving inside. Curious, she opens it and finds the cutest black puppy with a ribbon around its neck.)
Tsumugi: it is so…
Junko: If you squeal and give away our cover, I will rip out your vocal cords.
(Tsumugi squeals so high pitched that only the puppy can hear. Said puppy shakes his fluffy head in discomfort.)
Tsumugi (rubbing her nose in the puppies face and speaking in baby talk): Aren't you the cutest widdlest puppy ever! Look at your widdle paws! And your widdle tail.
(The puppy growls and pees on Tsumugi.)
Tsumugi: Daww you're not potty trained.
Junko: You know that's a wolf puppy right? Must be for my runt of a sister.
Tsumugi: That's okay. He's just a baby.
(The wolf pup growls again and bites Tsumugi hard on the nose.)
Tsumugi: Yawoo!
Junko: Alright, you're done.
(Junko grabs the wolf pup by the scruff of its neck and kicks it to the stairs. The pup whimpers and climbs up the stairs.)
Junko: Animals are such disgusting creatures.
(Something growls from the stairwell. A pair of green eyes glow in the dark.)
Tsumugi (ducking under the couch): Ahh it's Vixen, come to eat me for cosplaying her fiction mom!
Junko: Relax, it's just a tiger.
Tengan: A tiger?!
(The tiger emerges from the stairwell. Around its neck is a spiked collar with a name tag that says "Delilah". She bares her fangs while the wolf pup pops up under the tiger.)
Junko: Crap… when the fuck did they get a fucking tiger!
Tsumugi: I assume it's Natsumi's.
Junko: Nice Kitty. Nice big kitty. Nice really big kitty!
(The tiger pounces on Junko and mauls her, tearing her Santa outfit to shreds. Tsumugi hides further under the couch, but the wolf pup bites her leg, forcing her out of hiding. Delilah spots her and attacks. In the process, Delilah snaps Tsumugi's antlers in half and pulls out several strands of hair. The tiger is about to attack Tengan until he pulls out a yarn ball and tosses it at her. Like a kitten, Delilah plays with the yarn ball until she gets sleepy and falls over. The wolf pup growls at Tengan and he growls back, scaring it off.)
Junko (wiping off the dust from her ragged suite): I shoulda known you knit old man.
Tengan: Oh the yarn wasn't for me.
Tsumugi: Really?
Tengan: While Chisa worked for future foundation, she took in a kitten she named Chiaki. I was going to give this yarn ball, minus the anesthesia, to Chiaki a few months later but then Chisa said she ran away.
Junko: Oh that cat is totally dead.
Tengan: I knew Chisa killed children, but I didn't think she'd care to kill animals.
Junko: One time for Christmas during the tragedy, she got a bunch of orphans presents, that included several puppies. She set all the gifts on fire and watched the orphans desperately try to put out the fire. One kid managed to rescue a puppy but by then it had already died from being charred.
Tengan: Good lord.
Junko: Unfortunately she had the decency to kill them all before they could live a trauma filled life.
Tengan: Why is she in heaven again?
Junko: She's in it for the most part, but she visits hell for the weekends. Stupid brainwashing loophole. If I knew those I brainwashed got to be in heaven for the most part, I woulda just traumatized them so they'd do it of their own freewill and have eternal damnation.
Tengan: You are one twisted whipper snapper.
Tsumugi: Do… you hear something?
Junko: What? You hearing Christmas bells?
Tsumugi: Footsteps.
Junko: Crap! Quick, hide.
(Junko and Tsumugi nearly tripping over themselves, to hide in the kitchen. Tengan tries to hide under the couch, but his back cracks again. He tries to find another hiding spot, but it's too late. From the stairwell, Chiaki walks down with ribbons in her hair and wearing cute little pink jamies with bunnies on them. Half awake Chiaki walks over to the TV.)
Chiaki (drowsily): Rudolph, you're such an inspiration. Wait, Santa, is that you?
(Tengan gulps.)
Tengan: Why yes, it is I. Santa Claus.
Chiaki: Cool. Is it true, you came down the chimney?
Tengan: Yes indeed.
Chiaki: You're a lot skinnier than I thought you'd be.
Tengan: I haven't had all my milk and cookies for the night is all.
Chiaki: How many houses do you visit on Christmas Eve?
Tengan: All of them.
Chiaki: How old are you?
Tengan: I prefer not to say.
Chiaki: Santa? What's the true meaning of Christmas.
Tengan: Oh… well I suppose it means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
Chiaki (with the most innocent eyes): What does it mean to you then Santa?
Tengan: Well… um… it means being warm and merry with loved ones during the coldest and darkest time of year.
Chiaki: You know, you're right… I think. I never celebrated Christmas before now because I didn't really have a family to celebrate with, other than Usami and Alter ego. We were so lost and confused about the holiday humans loved so much. I tried to understand it through games, but it never clicked. Then this month Chisa and my friends made cookies, played in the snow, helped those in need, sang songs, and stayed up late watching Christmas specials together. I was so happy with them that I hardly noticed how cold it was or how quickly the sun set.
Tengan (getting all choked up): Tell me Chiaki, is there anything you especially want for Christmas?
Chiaki: I don't need anything, I just want all my friends to be happy on Christmas Day, especially Mukuro since this is her first official Christmas too. She's really sweet and kind, not at all like her sister. When I fell asleep watching Rudolph with her, she tucked me in. She's the best and I hope she gets everything she wants for Christmas.
Tengan (starting to cry): I'll do it.
(Behind Chiaki, back in the kitchen, Junko waves for Tengan to cut it out. Tengan snaps back to his old man grittiness.)
Tengan: Now why don't you head to bed.
Chiaki: Okay, I'll just get some water.
Tengan: I got it.
(Tengan walks over to the counter. Junko scrabbles for a glass while Tsumugi stumbles to fill it with water. Finally Junko smacks it onto the counter and Tengan takes it over to Chiaki.)
Chiaki (taking a sip and smiling): Thank you, Santa.
Tengan: Of course.
(Slowly, Chiaki walks up the stairs with her water and waves goodbye to Santa. All the the despairs hold their breaths until they her Chiaki close the door, then they rush to steal the rest of the presents. However, when they try to get out through the door, they find it's locked. Junko and Tsumugi look at each other, then Tengan, and back to each other.)
Junko: You know what we gotta do?
Tsumugi: We're gonna do a V3 chapter two moment.
Tengan: What?
(Before he knows what's happening, Junko and Tsumugi grab him and toss him at the window. The glass shatters as Tengan falls into the snow next to Monica.)
Monica (lips blue from eating so much snow): I knew you were a tool.
(Junko and Tsumugi toss the bag of presents out the window and onto Monica. They jump out and toss Tengan onto the sleigh.)
Junko (to Monica): Pick up the bag and the pace!
Monica: Tsumugi shoulda been stuck holding the bag.
(Once Monica manages to fill the sleigh, she starts pulling it away with Tsumugi. Together, the despair gang pitifully ride off into the night all bloodied, bruised, and mangled.)
…
(The next morning in the Despair pub, everybody is trying to recover. Monica can't stop sneezing from her cold, Tsumugi is trying to sew her dress back together, and Tengan is covered in bandages from the broken glass. Meanwhile Junko is happily humming and drinking eggnog.)
Junko: Come on lackeys, 'tis the season! Aren't you excited to open your presents?
Tengan: I'm more excited to see my chiropractor.
Junko: Fine, I'll go first. I wonder what my beloved Nanami got this year. Maybe I'll regift it to her as a romantic gesture. Upupupu.
(Junko grabs one of the pink presents labeled Nanami. Gleefully, Junko pulls the ribbon and opens it.)
Junko: That's… odd. I didn't think Nanami would want a piece of wood for Christmas. It could be a joke gift. Maybe there's something better in these other boxes.
(Junko opens another one of Nanami's gifts and finds a piece of wood. She keeps trying only to find more wood. When she runs out of Nanami's gifts she moves on to Chiaki's. Eventually she opens all the gifts and finds each and every one of them is full of pieces of wood.)
Junko: What the hell?
(Monica bursts into laughter at Junko's failure. The bell rings and everyone looks at the door.)
Tsumugi: Oh no… it can't be…
(The door bursts off its hinges and Vixen walks in. She's in her angry beast form, but still has a shiny red nose. Behind her stands a shadowy figure with goat horns and a long scarlet cloak. When they step in it sounds like they're wearing chains. Their crimson eyes eerily glow.)
Junko (recognizing the figure): Crap…
Monica: Hi Chisa.
Chisa : Merry Christmas troublemakers.
Tsumugi: It's not what it looks like!
Vixen (growling): Can it!
Chisa (turning to Tengan): I wasn't expecting you to start associating with Junko, then again I never expected anything of you.
Vixen (snickering): Good one.
Chisa (looking at Junko): I knew you'd try to pull a stunt like this during the most hopeful time of year, so I prepared ahead of time.
Monica: I thought you were supposed to be Santa Clause.
Chisa: My hope side is, but despair me is that shadow, Krampus.
Tsumugi (trying not to look at Vixen's fangs): N...nice cosplay. You did a… great job.
Chisa: Now as Krampus, I am tasked to punish malicious hearts on Christmas.
Junko: Aw come on woman, you already dooped us with the fake presents. What more do you want?!
Chisa: I want to hear you scream. Now why do you think I put wood in these fake presents.
Junko: To be a dick?
Chisa: No. it's because I want you all to burn. Vixen.
Vixen (nose glowing): Ready!
Tsumugi (shaking): Yo...you're gonna be put on the... the naughty list for this.
Vixen (with a sociopathic look): I don't care.
(Using her shiny nose, Vixen shoots out a red laser beam that ignites the firewood. All the despair's can do is watch as the fire eats through the line of wrapping paper and firewood. Pretty soon the whole place is engulfed in flames.)
Tsumugi (dress on fire and running around like a chicken with its head cut off): Ahhhhhhh
Monica (closing her eyes and surrendering to the flames): I'm ready for double death now.
Tengan (On his knees): Chisa, I made a terrible mistake. I never should have stolen from you and your beautiful home. Please spare me.
Chisa: Oh Tengan…
(Tengan smiles hopefully.)
Chisa: If only you hadn't killed me with your dumb little killing game.
Vixen (growling): Yeah…
Tengan: In my defense… you brainwashed me first.
Chisa: Vixen, you know what to do.
Vixen (grinning): With pleasure.
(Vixen lunges for Tengan and shakes him around like a chew toy. She breaks all his arms and legs. At one moment she fixes his hunch only to break it again. Finally, she swallows the old man hole and lets out a burp.)
Chisa (petting Vixen's head): Good girl. Now what should we do with the ringleader? Poison, drowning, crushing?
Vixen: Why not something a little more festive?
Chisa: Yes. I have just the idea.
(Vixen drags Junko across the floor and outside. There Chisa and Vixen pull her up onto the roof.)
Chisa: Any last words?
Junko: Choke on your holly jolly Christmas spirit.
(Without hesitation, Chisa and Vixen shove Junko upside down in the chimney.)
Chisa: See you next decade.
Vixen: Bitch!
Chisa: Vixen, language.
Vixen: Sorry.
(With that, Chisa rides off in her sleigh pulled by Vixen. They leave just as the sun begins to rise.)
…
(Back at the cafe, Mukuro awakes from the light trickling into her room. She begins her usual morning routine by punching her sandbag, sharpening her blades, and brushing her teeth until she realizes it's Christmas morning.)
Mukuro (wide eyed): It's Christmas!
(Mukuro runs down the hall and knocks on everyone's doors.)
Mukuro: It's Christmas! It's Christmas! It's Christmas!
(One by one the girls come out dressed in cute animal PJs and with bed hair.)
Natsumi (wiping her eye): I heard you the first time.
Kaeda (Singing): Yay! It's Christmas at last!
(Chisa comes out dressed in a beautiful red lace nightgown.)
Chisa: Glad to see you're so excited for your first Christmas.
(Nanami and Chiaki come out from their room.)
Chiaki (yawning): Morning.
Nanami: She took a little while to wake up.
Chiaki: I had a dream I met Santa Clause.
Chisa (smiling): Really?
Natsumi: Did ya ask him for anything?
Chiaki: Maybe.
Kaeda: I'll bet you asked for a new video game.
Nanami: Chiaki and I don't only focus on Video games. We like other things.
Natsumi: Like what?
Chiaki: Chisa.
Chisa (heart on her chest): Awww. You girls are too sweet. Now, who's ready for presents?
Mukuro: Me, me, ME!
Chisa (laughing): I love your enthusiasm.
(The girls head down stairs to the tree. There the tree shines beautifully with a ton of lovely presents underneath. All the damage and messes Junko and her crew caused are remaculaosly gone and clean. The kitchen fridge is fully stocked and the window is fixed and cleaned. Delilah is sleeping by the fire next to the present with the wolf pup in it. The girls settle down around the tree while Chisa makes them hot coco. Natsumi and Kaeda organize the presents while Mukuro and Chiaki look in awe at the eaten milk and cookies. Nanami helps pass out the hot coco when Chisa is done. At last, the girls are ready to open their presents.)
Kaeda: So… Who should go first?
Nanami: I think Mukuro should go first.
Chisa: Good idea.
Mukuro: Are you sure?
(All the girls nod in agreement. Delilah pushes a present to Mukuro.)
Natsumi: She wants you to open that one first.
Mukuro: Okay.
(Carefully, Mukuro unties the ribbon and and lifts the lid. The black wolf pup pokes its head out and wags its tail. Mukuro tenderly picks the pup out of the box and smiles when it licks her fingers.)
Mukuro (crying): I always wanted a puppy for Christmas.
Chiaki: What are you gonna name him?
Mukuro: um.
(Mukuro looks at the little pup and his sharp teeth.)
Mukuro: Blade!
(The wolf pup yips in excitement.)
Chisa: I think he loves it.
(Mukuro hugs her little puppy as the girls rotate gift opening. At one point blade goes over to Delilah and starts playing with her tail. Delilah chuffles happily and plays along while the girls laugh. At one point, Chiaki turns to Mukuro.)
Chiaki: Did you have a good Christmas?
Mukuro: I had an amazing Christmas thanks to all of you. You?
Chiaki: It was spectacular.
(The two girls smile. While nobody is looking, Chiaki looks out the window to the winter wonderland outside.)
Chiaki (under her breathe): Thank you Santa Claus.
(Chisa manages to hear her and giggles a bit. Then they all continue to have the merriest of Christmases.)
…
(Down at the Dead Waifu Bar, the place is a mess and all the boys are stuffed.)
Hajime: Ugh, I shouldn't have drank all that orange juice.
Munakata (a little drunk): I may not love your friends as Chisa does, but they know how to party.
Hajime: Thank god Hiyoko spiced your eggnog.
Munakata: What?
Hajime: Nothing big guy.
Shuichi: I'm sorry Maki almost killed those carol singers. She thought they were cops.
Hajime: Nah it's okay, Komaru and Toko can handle her.
(Meanwhile, Makoto wakes up in the wrapping paper pile. Makoto looks around embarrassed.)
Hajime (tossing Makoto his pants): Next time go easy on the candy canes party animal.
Makoto (blushing): Thanks.
Hajime: and stay away from the mistletoe.
Makoto: Yeah…
Shuichi: Man this Christmas party was epic, but…
Hajime: But?
Shuichi: I kind of miss Vixen's Christmas shenanigans.
Hajime: Yeah same here. What about you Munakata?
Munakata: Sure…
Hajime: I hope she had fun as one of Santa's reindeer.
Shuichi: Maybe next year she'll turn us into reindeer and we'll save Christmas.
Hajime: Yeah, maybe.
Munakata (drunkenly raising his glass): To next year!
Shuichi, Hajime, and Makoto (all raiding their glasses): To next year!
Hajime: So who's gonna clean this mess.
Shuichi and Munakata (in unison): Makoto.
Makoto: ah man… Maybe my luck will change next year.