Crazy trouble with love part 8
Eris and Billy
Series: Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
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"Hey guys, whatcha doing?" Billy asked as he walked into the living room.
"Watching TV, what else does it look like?" Remarked Grim with a grumble while Mandy changed the channel with her usual expression.
"Oh, ok… hey, wanna play?" He asked as he began to pick his nose.
"No." Both said at once.
"Aw come on, it'll be fun!" He said as he began to jump up and down. "Come on, come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come o-"
"Augh! No, now stop doing that!" Yelled Grim in annoyance while sighing. "You know, we could stuff him in the freezer again." He whispered to Mandy.
"No, his mom took off the lock after she found him." Muttered the blond with a frown. "We could try leaving him in the middle of traffic."
"No, we tried that last weak, the idiot caused a massive pile up and left me a load of work while he walked away without a scratch."
"Well we gotta do something. I'm not in the mood for his stupidity, and I can't think of something to make him do just to amuse me."
"Yeah… hey, I think I have an idea." Grim said as he scratched his chin.
"It better be good."
"What if we left him for someone else to worry about?"
"Like a babysitter? That wouldn't work, he would escape."
"Not if we tell him they're his new friend, then Billy will never leave them alone." Smirked Grim evilly with Mandy raising an eyebrow.
"Somehow I doubt that. One hour with Billy would drive them to the loony bin."
"Ah, a human, but what if they weren't human? I was thinking something more like...a goddess."
"A goddess, and we only know one goddess, are you talking about who I think you are?"
"That's right."
"Grim, you might be onto something. The only tricky part is getting her to listen, but I think I can cover that. Call her."
"Sure thing." He said as he summoned his scythe and cut a portal in the air in front of them. He made his way through it and entered some kind of greek temple with Eris lounging on a seat while eating grapes.
"Eris, goddess of discord and chaos." Mandy said, catching her attention.
"Oh? Who is that seeks an audience with m- Grim? Is that you?" she turned her head, frowning when she saw the two. "Mandy."
"Eris."
"What are you two doing in my temple?"
"We need you for a bit, so come here." Mandy said bluntly.
"Absolutely not." She huffed turning away. "Today's my day off, and I was planning on going to a fancy resort and pig out, then after I was done, have it sink thanks to a little typhoon." She chuckled sadistically.
"I don't care, you can do that later, now get over here or I'll come get you myself." warned Mandy narrowing her eyes making Eris get a shiver and crush her grapes before letting out a huff and got up before walking over and through the portal with her hands on her hips.
"Fine, what do you two want?"
"We need you to look after Billy." Mandy said she looked over to see that Billy was thoroughly distracted with a piece of chewed gum that was stuck to the wall.
"Me? Look after him? Ahahahahaha!" She burst out laughing while holding her sides.
"Yes, him, we need you to look after him."
"And why would I do that?"
"Because if you don't we'll tell your dad that you've been skipping out on your duties, besides I thought a goddess would be able to handle a simple human boy."
"Of course I can handle a human boy, it's just I don't want to. Besides, daddy isn't around. He went off on a vacation, which means you have nothing on me." She smirked.
"Well, then how about a wager?" Mandy said, making the goddess perk up.
"A wager?"
"Yes, how would you like to make a wager with us, if we win, you have to look after Billy, and if you win you get one favor from Grim." She crossed her arms with Eris smirking.
"Really? You're going to try and make a bet with THE goddess of chaos and discord?"
"Yes, but I get if you're scared you might lose." Mandy said, making Eris growl. 'Got her now.'
"Me? Lose to a tiny girl? Ha! I'd win hands down."
"So you agree to the wager?"
"Yes, yes! I agree!"
"Great, I wager you can't look after Billy for a whole week without him getting hurt."
"Alright, I can do that easy." She said before realizing what just happened. "Wait, did you just trick me into watching him?!"
"Yes." Mandy said as she turned to Billy. "Hey, Billy, this is Eris, she's your new friend."
"Really?" He asked while swallowing the gum and started to hack and cough like a dying cat making Eris cringe and glare at Mandy.
"You despicable little brat!"
"See you in a week, and just so you know, I'll know if he gets hurt."
"See ya Eris, don't wait up." Waved Grim as the two walked away with said goddess seething and seeing red.
"Damn it, I can't believe I fell for that!" She groaned as she turned to Billy.
"Oh boy! We're gonna have so much fun Eris! What do you wanna do first?" He asked while bouncing up and down.
"I want to go back home, but that's not an option." She muttered with a frown.
"Aw come on, we can have lots of fun new best buddy!"
"Hey! I am not you 'new best buddy', got it?"
"Ok, we can have lots of fun new best girl buddy!"
"I doubt it, and I'm not your friend or buddy!" She groaned.
"Sure you are, Mandy said so!"
"Well Mandy was wrong."
"Well, you could be my new newest best buddy ever! Wanna play a game?"
"Ugh, what is it?"
"It's a good one. I call it, gopher." He turn and ran at the wall before yelling out and crashed into it. "See? We crawl around the walls like gophers. You try." he spoke through the wall.
"No." She said with a frown. "Now get out of there!"
"No way, you gotta catch me!" He called before crawling up into the wall, causing cracks to appear with Eris facepalming.
"Did I really agree to spend an entire week with this idiot?"
"Ooh! Wall pasta! Ow, it stung me!"
She groaned and shook her head. 'Relax Eris, it's one week, one week of making sure this idiot doesn't die and then you can get back to relaxing. How hard can it be?'
(Ten minutes later)
"Ugh, I can't take this anymore!" She cried as she looked at Billy who somehow had his entire fist inside one of his nostrils. "How can something so stupid still be alive?!"
"Hey! Hey! Hey Eris! Wanna see me stuff the other one? Here I go!"
"That's it! I am not spending a week with this idiot!" She cried as she pulled out a golden apple and began to channel her magic into it. "Let's see you continue to babble on about nonsense when you have no mouth!"
Billy just laughed like an idiot before a beam of magic hit him making Eris smirk and let out her own laugh.
"Now let's see how much of a relief you'll be when you can't make a peap." She put the apple away while seeing Billy spasm around while making various expressions. "Heh, there we go." She said before he froze. "Huh… weird, he still has his mouth."
Billy stood there still as a statue with no movement whatsoever.
"Billy? Are you still alive or did I just kill you?" Eris called as she poked the boy with her foot. All she got was silence making her groan. "Great, not even an hour and I killed him. This is all your stupid fault." She glared at the apple and shook it. "Now I need to replace the batteries when I get home."
"Your banana uses...no, that's not a banana." Said a familiar voice, making her look down to see Billy picking himself up.
"Oh good, you're not dead." She sighed with relief, and regret. "Now I won't have to listen to that brat Mandy tell me off for messing up, of course it WAS your fault for being such an idiot."
"Ok...but I want to play a game with you first." He said as he shook his head. 'What's going on, I feel weird…'
"Forget it, just go dig a hole and sleep in it, or climb a tree, or I don't know, sit still and not make this job any harder than it needs to be."
"Fine, fine, I guess you're too scared you might lose." He said as he began to get an idea. 'Wait, I have an idea? And I'm thinking? Did she just make me smart?'
"Excuse me?" She said as she growled. "I am a goddess, I would not lose to an idiot like you!"
"Then play the game, and if you win I'll sit in a corner and do nothing for the rest of the day." He said as she perked up. "But if I wi-"
"That won't happen, now let's play this game!" She said as she grabbed his hand and shook it, not seeing it glow. 'Finally I'll get a break from this idiot!'
"Ok, I'll tell you after I win." He said as he grinned. "Are you ready?"
"Of course I'm ready you buffoon, just name the game."
"Ok, it's guess what number I'm thinking of, you have one chance to guess it." He said with a chuckle.
"What? What kind of stupid game is that?" She frowned. "How am I supposed to figure that out? You probably can't even count above three."
"Well then your odds are in your favor." He said with a chuckle. "Besides, a goddess can't break a promise or deal she makes, can she?"
She growled at the boy while caught off guard, but took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes."
"Well then go ahead and guess."
"Fine, is it three?" She asked with a sigh. 'I'll probably lose, but it's not that big a deal, the idiot will probably just ask for a cookie or something stupid.'
"Nope, it was ten." He smiled with pride as she groaned. "I win."
"Yeah yeah yeah, you win, now what do you want as a prize?"
"I want...you!" he declared pointing at Eris, catching her off guard.
"What?"
"I want you, I want you to be my best friend and to never leave my side for all of eternity." He said as they began to glow.
"WHAT?! You can't do that!" She spoke in shock, horror, and anger.
"Yes, I can, you're the one who refused to hear what I want and shook my hand, you practically let this happen." He smirked with his arms crossed. "There's no backing out of a deal."
"No! No no no no no! This is not happening, this is not happening!" She cried as she began to freak out. She started pacing while Billy himself noticed something off and looked at his shirt.
'Hey, what's that smell?' he leaned down and took a whiff before covering his mouth and turned green. 'Woah! Is that...is that my clothes? I stink! How long have I gone without washing them?' he thought as he shook his head. "Excuse me a moment Eris, I have to take care of something." He said as he raced to the bathroom. 'Oh lord, I smell like a latrine!'
"This isn't happening, it can't be happening!" Muttered the goddess. "I can't be stuck here, with that idiot, for eternity! Wait!" She stopped and clapped. "That's it. This isn't happening, it's all some crazy nightmare. I just need to wake up and I'll be back in my nice cozy temple." She spoke as she lied down on the couch. 'Ok, I just have to close my eyes and I'll wake up in my bed, and I can forget this horrible dream!'
She shut her eyes while ignoring the sound of a shower going off. 'Any second now, I'll be back in the waking world.'
'Oh god, why am I so sticky, when was the last time I took a shower?!' Thought Billy scrubbing at himself with the soap as hard as he could while groaning. "It feels like I've been swimming around in nothing but dirt, grime, and sticky stuff. I'm not even sure if it's just one layer or a bunch!"
'...why am I still on this couch, why am I not waking up?! Oh god, this is real…' Thought Eris sitting up while looking pale. "My life is ruined. My reputation as the number one goddess of chaos will go down the toilet when word gets out about this. Oh no, when that no good brat Mandy and Grim find out, I might as well just live under a rock!" She spoke as she began to rock back and forth. "It's over...and it's all his fault!"
While she panicked, Billy kept on cleaning himself, which would take a while.
(Half an hour later)
"Finally! I thought I was never gonna get clean." spoke Billy as he left the bathroom wrapped up in a towel. 'Now let's see if I have any clean clothes.'
He went over to his dresser and looked inside before grabbing the same style of clothes and started getting dressed. "Ah, man, I never noticed, but maybe I should consider getting new clothes. All I do is wear the same ones every day." He said as he left his room. 'Now that I think about it everyone in town wears the same clothes day in and day out.'
"Failure...failure ...how could I get tricked so easily?"
Billy walked out of his room and saw Eris rocking back and forth while in the corner. "Hey Eris, I'm done getting cleaned up."
"Quiet...my life is over, I'm doomed to spend eternity with an idiot…" She muttered to herself.
"Hey, who you calling an idiot?" He frowned. "At least you didn't have to spend half an hour getting cleaned. I felt like I was trying to scrub tar off my body. In some places I actually DID have tar stuck to me."
"You are an idiot. Five minutes of me arriving you somehow got you fist stuck up your nostrils and made me free it for you!" She snapped glaring at him. "All I wanted was to relax and cause some chaos, but nooo, your friends tricked me into babysitting you!"
"And tried to take care of me by using that apple of yours, which I think did more help than chaos."
"Ugh! I couldn't even use my magic properly!"
"The point is that I think it made me smarter, and that being said I think we need to figure out a plan."
"Plan? Oh please, what sort of plan could you possibly have?"
"One to make sure Mandy doesn't take you from me or interfere." He said as he sat down. "As of now you belong to only me, and if I know Mandy she won't like that."
"The only reason I 'belong to you' is because you tricked me!"
"Says the woman who didn't let me finish before she agreed to it." He said as she just groaned. "Besdes, whether you like it or not doesn't change what happened, I still got what I wanted. Now then, here's what will happen, you and I won't let me get hurt, that way you get your favor from Grim and after that don't agree to any more favors or tricks or games, got it?"
"What's the point? Being trapped in this deal is worse than anything that bonehead could whip up."
"Not really. I mean, would you rather have me with smarts or me eating random stuff from the couch while you watch?"
"...fair point."
"Exactly, so for now let's keep me at this level of intelligence, any more and Mandy and Grim might make me dumb again." He frowned. "I actually wanna experience things without wanting to bash my head into the ground for laughs."
"Fine, so what now, I assume you picking your nose is no longer your favorite activity?"
"Not anymore." He said as he shook his head. "In all honesty I kinda want to read a book and not try to eat i- oh shit, I just remembered something!" He said as he ran to the phone. "I have to call my son!"
"...you have a son?! You're what, twelve?" She asked in disbelief. 'He couldn't have been so dumb to get into….no no no, that's crazy! Then again….'
"It's complicated, a while back I hatched a giant spider named Jeff, the guy was super nice, amazing, essentially the perfect son, but back then I was scared of spiders so every time I saw him I tried to kill him. Last I saw him he moved into an apartment and gave me a number to call him if I ever wanted to talk, I think I owe him an apology."
Eris looked at the boy flabbergasted as he punched in a number and held the phone to his ear.
"Come on, come on, pick up." He said as the phone rang for a few more moments before it was picked up.
"Hello, this is Jeff the spider, how can I help you?"
"Jeff, this is me, your dad."
"Wait, dad? I-Is that you? You're actually calling me?"
"Yes, I just wanted to say, well… I'm sorry, you've been an amazing son and I've been a horrible father."
"..."
"Jeff?"
"Sniff….I ...I'm sorry dad, my...my eyes just started watering all of a sudden."
"It's ok, are you doing anything next week, maybe we could meet up for coffee or a game of catch?"
'Am I dreaming, this has to be a dream, right?' Thought Jeff looking at the phone while wiping at his eyes. "Dad? Are you feeling alright?"
"I am now, I finally came to my senses, so is that a yes?"
"Yes! Yes, we can go out for coffee next week, maybe even go to a baseball game too, I'll bring snack money."
"Great, I'll call you again later to hash out details, and son? I'm proud of you." He said with a smile.
"Thank you dad, that means a lot." Sniffled Jeff tearing up more on the other end.
"Thanks son, bye." he said as he hung up. "So, Eris, what were you going to do today if you weren't watching me?"
"Uh, oh right!" She shook her head to snap out of it since that was surprising for her to watch. "As I told that bag of bones, I planned on going to a resort for some relaxation, then I was going to have a typhoon come by and wreck it after I was done."
"...Ok, I get going to the resort but why destroy it?"
"Goddess of discord, hello?" She rolled her eyes. "What better way to ruin others time and cause some chaos then ruining a pristine and fancy resort? It causes problems for people planning to go, ruins the fun for those already there, and it's been a while since I used a typhoon."
"Ok, I guess that kind of makes sense, but why do that when you could go bigger?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, for one you're a goddess, why not let that fact, or the fact that gods exist go public, imagine the chaos that will happen when the world realizes that there are gods and goddesses and an actual hell." He remarked making her eyes widen. "I mean, with how nuts the world is, wouldn't that make them confused and unsure what to do?"
"That...that's brilliant, absolutely brilliant!" She cackled with glee. "Oh I can just see it now!"
"So while Grim and Mandy are gone, why don't we go off on our own little adventure?"
"Really, well, that could be interesting…"
"Yep. hey, one more thing, could you make me older?"
"Older? Why?"
"Well, for one I don't quite feel like a kid, and second it will look less suspicious if you're not alone with a kid who looks nothing like you." He pointed out. "Besides, having to move around on these tiny legs is as slow as a snail."
"Ugh, fine, just hold still." She said as she tossed her apple at him as it glowed."Let's hope this time it doesn't make you any smarter."
"Would that be a bad thing?' He chuckled as the apple shot a beam at him before he began to rapidly grow. He groaned as the clothes seemed to grow alongside him. Soon he was about as tall as Eris with his nose a bit smaller now as he stretched out. "Ah, there we go, that feels better."
"Good, now can we get going?" Groaned Eris. "I need to make someone miserable so I can forget about my current situation."
"Sure thing, lead the way." Billy said as they headed to the door.
(Later)
A portal opened before the two walked out of it with Eris smiling at spotting the resort near them with a sunny sky, serene ocean, and shit ton of people walking around it.
"Wait, are you serious about destroying this place?"
"Of course, I already told you why."
"Huh, ok, so you're going to destroy it… while we're still here?"
"No, after we're done of course. What sense would it be to destroy it before I had a nice seaweed wrap?"
"Huh… ok, if you say so." He said with a shrug as they headed towards the resort. "Honestly I have a better idea when we get in here."
"Oh? And what would that be?" She asked curiously.
"Just watch, you'll love it."
"Ok." She said as she crossed her arms. 'Let's see where he's going with this.'
The two headed up to the front desk with a man in a suit there jotting down in a book and not looking up as Billy rang the bell.
"Excuse me."
The man didn't look up and kept writing.
"Excuse me sir." Billy said as he rang the bell again. "Sir?"
He still didn't look up making Eris huff and ring it several times.
"Hey! Look up and give us some service today."
"Huh? Oh hello ma'am… are you the new mascot or are you one of the entertainers? Is there a greek play nearby?"
"Of course not you dolt. I'm here to relax and enjoy myself at this resort."
"Ok, do you have a reservation?"
"No."
"Well then, would you like to make one, we have an opening in… three months."
"Listen here you-"
"Easy, let me take care of this." Spoke Billy before clearing his throat and smiled. "My good sir, I think you should consider letting me and my beautiful friend in without any trouble."
"No, why would I do that?" The man asked in annoyance.
"Because she's no ordinary lady. She's the goddess of discord and chaos, Eris herself."
"Yeah, and I'm Alexander Hamilton." He said as he shook his head.
"Oh I'm not joking. Go ahead, show him what you can do Eris."
"Yes, I know exactly what to do." She chuckled as the apple glowed before shooting him and turning him into a horse.
"Neigh!" It let out while looking around with wide eyes before it started gnawing at the bell.
"I think he believes us now." Eris chuckled. She used her apple to zap the horse and turned him back to normal who spat the bell out and looked at her in shock and horror.
"O-Oh no…..AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"I think now you understand she's no jokester sir."
"G-GET AWAY, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MONSTERS!"
"Monsters? How rude." Spoke Eris before the man ran off screaming like a maniac.
"Yeah, I don't think we're gonna be able to stay at this resort." Remarked Billy before walking around the counter and looked at the keys. "Unless of course we happened to help ourselves to the fanciest suite here."
"Hehehe, I like the way you think Billy."
Billy grabbed a room key while jotting down their names as the two went to the elevators to head up.
(Later)
"Ah, this is the life~" Sighed Eris taking a relaxing mud bath with cucumbers over her eyes while Billy himself was getting a relaxing hot tub massage thanks to the underwater jets.
"Yeah, this is nice." he said with a nod.
"Yes, it's very nice, too bad the hurricane is on it's way."
"Are you sure you wanna go through with this?" He asked while sipping from a fancy glass next to him. "I mean discord is fine and it's your thing, but are you really relaxing if you're doing your job at the same time?"
"Yeah, but don't worry, it won't hit the resort for another two hours." She waved her hand. "We'll be long gone by that point."
"If you say so, but it sure would be a shame." He idly remarked looking away.
"What?"
"If we're gonna be out of here, and it gets trashed, it sure would be a shame if they had to deal with property damages, along with a huge long unpaid bill. Like someone who ordered every expensive thing on the bill. Now that sure would make them really feel despair."
"...ah, I get what you mean, and I like it!" She grinned while taking the cucumbers off. "Oh just imagine their faces when they realize they won't be getting paid, it's already making me giddy."
"Well then I say go nuts. Menus by the door."
"Yes!" she said as she jumped out of the mud bath and raced towards the menu.
'Huh, she's pretty easy to influence for a goddess.' He chuckled to himself while sipping his drink before his eyes drifted over and went wide when he realized she didn't put a towel on. 'I-Is she naked?! Well at least she's covered by the mud for now.'
"Yes? I'm calling for some room service. Make sure you get this down because it's going to be a LONG list."
"Yes ma'am, but first I think you should know that the weather is acting strange a-"
"I don't care about that, just write down my order!" She ordered. "And if I find one thing missing, I'll have your job."
"Yes ma'am." The employee said as Eris began to rattle off her orders, unaware that the mud she was covered in was starting to drip off of her and dry up.
Billy himself did a spit take when he saw this with his eyes nearly going out of his head. 'Does she really not know what is going on?!' His eyes went over the curve and felt his face heat up while almost tempted to let out a wolf whistle. 'T-This has to be a trick, she can't be this oblivious.'
"There, that should be plenty." Eris said as she hung up the phone and began to walk back towards the mud bath.
"Uh ...Eris?"
"Yes, what is it Billy?"
"Um… nevermind." he said as she got back into the bath. 'I better keep it to myself.'
(Later)
"Ok Billy, time to leave." Eris said as she looked out the window at the hurricane which was barreling towards the resort.
"Works for me." He said as Eris's apple made a portal next to the massive pile of food they had gotten from room service. The two of them went through it and wound up miles away from the resort. "So when does it touch down?"
"In 3, 2, 1." She said before the hurricane hit the resort, tearing it out of the ground in one piece and flinging it off to who knows where. "Ah, now that's a way to leave a place."
"It certainly is." Billy said as Eris opened another portal back to his house. "So, what's next on your agenda?"
"Well I was going to go home and relax for a bit, but i'm not sure I can do that anymore." She said as they entered the portal.
"Well, maybe I could help you cause a little bit more chaos."
"Really? How so?" She asked curiously.
"Well is there any place you can think of? Any place you've always wanted to go wild on with chaos and disorder?"
"Well, not really, whenever I really want to cause chaos I just do, I just come and go as I please and do what I want on a whim, what's the point of chaos if it's planned out? Chaos and discord should be spontaneous, unreliable and confusing."
"Well then how about this? I'll pick a place and even lend ideas on how to cause the most chaos?"
"Hmmm, that could be interesting." She said as she rubbed her chin. "What did you have in mind?"
"What about Egypt?"
"Egypt huh?"
"Yeah, I mean I've heard from Irwin's mom how they have tons of supposed curses there. What if we made them real?" He grinned.
"Ooh, I like where you're going with this." She said with a grin. "Not to mention we could pillage a few of their treasures. I'd like to see just what stuff Cleopatra hid with down with her."
"Yes, and it could be all yours, you ready to go?"
"You know it." She smirked before opening another portal showing a desert. "Let's go cause chaos."
(Later)
"Run for your lives! The mummy's curse has come true!"
"Oh god, the plagues are back, run!"
People ran in terror and in a panic as locusts swarmed the place while frogs hopped around.
"Hahahaha! Oh I haven't had this much fun in ages!" Laughed Eris while wearing a headdress that looked like Cleopatra while decked out in jewelry with Billy wearing a pharaoh's headdress while they were sitting on top of the sphinx, which was currently alive and licking itself while stepping on people. "Good call for the plague idea. I would have just turned the pyramids upside down or dried up the nile."
"Thanks, I have to say you did an amazing job." Billy said with a grin. "Not to mention the stuff you grabbed fits just right."
"I'll say. I'll bet I make that old dusty queen look like a loser. Her stuff looks way better on me than it ever did on her." Smirked Eris posing while one man got swarmed by frogs while running.
"Hmmm." Billy tapped his chin and looked at the panicking people. "Say, that gives me another idea."
"Oh? Another one already?" Eris asked in mild surprise.
"Yeah. We got the plague going and people scared, but what if they thought it was because of Cleopatra? That way they think they disrespected the dead, and you don't get blamed for this."
"...I love it! Let's do this." She said as she snapped her fingers and immediately she looked exactly like the long dead pharaoh. "How do I look?" she put her hands on her hips and posed.
Billy let out a whistle. "You could be a dead ringer for the real thing."
"Thank you." She said with a chuckle before clearing her throat. "PEOPLE OF EGYPT, YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELVES FOR NOT RESPECTING MY LEGACY!"
This made the people not crushed or running turn and gasped seeing the former queen.
"FOR DISRESPECTING THE LAND, YOU SHALL SUFFER UNDER MY CURSE!"
"Noooooooo!" The people cried out in fear and despair.
'Wow, I can't believe they're believing this… then again the living sphinx does make it pretty believable.' Thought Billy who found their gullibility funny. 'I wonder if this is what Mandy enjoys when I did something dumb. I can get why she liked it.'
"NOW BOW TO ME AND WORSHIP YOUR QUEEN!"
All the people shivered in fear and started bowing quickly.
"This feels great, I'll have to do this more often." Eris chuckled to herself.
"But as a goddess of chaos, don't you already have people that bow to you?"
"Not this many, it's been centuries since I was this popular, most of my followers died out when Rome fell." She crossed her arms. "It's the one downside to being a goddess, but the upside is scaring mortals who think I'm fake and making them grovel."
"Well, if you stick with me this will happen more and more often." Billy chuckled. "After all, I could be like your manager."
"My manager, huh? I think I like the sound of that." She chuckled. "Of course that means you'll have to do what I say."
"Or I could be that one manager that leaves you high and dry." He threw back with a smirk. "I might be smart, but I'm not gonna be a pet. Especially since I gave you this idea."
"That you did, that you did." She chuckled.
"Plus it's not like you can just leave me, you're stuck with me forever, remember?"
"At least until you croak." she muttered.
"What was that?"
"Oh nothing nothing." She smirked. "So, what else do you have in that average brain?"
"That depends, how much do you know about Rome?"
"Quite a lot, why?"
"Because I feel up for a little show, the sweaty kind." he chuckled deviously.
(Rome)
Several dozen men yelled out and ran around the coliseum, clashing against each other with a few trying to climb up the wall, only to get yanked down while Eris and Billy watched with foam fingers and soda hats.
"Whooo! Fight, fight, fight!" Eris called with a cheer. "I wanna see limbs flying off by the dozen!"
"Wow, this is great, but where did you get the three headed lions from?"
"I bought them from a pet shop."
"Underworld?"
"No, one for gods and goddesses. I got a great deal on these ones. Apparently they're extra bitey."
"AHHHH! MY LEG!"
"Huh, neat." Billy said as he took a drink of his soda. "I gotta say, making all the gladiators bankers from Wall street was a nice touch."
"I figured what else would work as a bloodthirsty warrior than people who spend all day screaming at each other while already in a crowded spot?"
"Heh, good point." He said with a chuckle. "Five bucks says the guy in the grey suit loses his leg."
"Which one?"
"Mmmm, left one."
"AHHH!"
"Nevermind, no head." He said with a sigh. "So, what do you want to do after this?"
"Hmmm, well making others bow before me and fight for my entertainment is fun, but I feel like something more...smaller."
"Oh? And what would that be?"
"I want to show off my natural good looks." She smirked. "I want to make so many other women feel inadequate about themselves and feel inferior. I DID use to be looked at as the hottest goddess around, before that arrogant blowhard Aphrodite swooped in and stole my thunder."
"Oh! You mean like a beauty pageant?"
"Yes, or something like that, something that would bring chaos at the same time."
"Well, I think I have an idea, but I don't know if you'll like it."
"You had me at chaos."
"Great." Billy said with a grin.
(Later)
"BILLY! This is not what I meant!" Eris cried as she walked down the street, not wearing anything at all.
"You said you wanted to make other women feel inferior." He spoke while trying not to burst out laughing. "Plus it's causing tons of chaos!" He said as cars crashed around them, their drivers completely distracted by the beautiful naked goddess. 'I don't blame them, rwar.' He thought looking at the curved body with a goofy grin.
"Shut up, I can't believe you talked me into doing this!" She cried out in embarrassment, trying to use her apple of chaos to cover her privates. 'I would have prefered just showing off in some underwear, but not in the stark nude!'
"Hey, I'm pretty persuasive, what can I say?" He chuckled.
"You're a little perv is what you are!"
"Hey, you weren't wearing anything that hid what you had. This is just giving them the real thing and to show that it's natural." He said with a chuckle. "If anything you're the perv for not wearing underwear."
"Shut up!" She cried, her face as red as a tomato. "Can I put my clothes back on now?!"
"Aw, is the goddess of chaos shy?" He teased making her glare.
"If you keep this up I'll use my magic on you! I think you would make a good tree!" She growled as her apple glowed.
"Alright alright." He held his hands up. "You can put some clothes on, or at least your definition of clothes."
"Togas are clothes you little brat." She grumbled as she snapped her finger and made her apple hit her with a beam, thus making her clothes reappear.
"You sure? It kinda just looks like a bath towel."
"It is the clothes of the gods! Here, you try!' She said as her apple zapped him, changing his clothes into a toga. "They cover our modesty and keep us nice and cool, unlike those itchy t-shirts you humans prefer to wear."
"You want itchy? Try wearing a wool sweater, you'll be scratching yourself for a week straight." He remarked while looking at the toga. "This feels like I'm wearing a bed sheet."
"It is not a bed sheet." She growled.
"But I think I can see why you like it. It does feel free and cool, but I'm not butt naked."
"Ha, see! I knew you would see how superior it is!" She smirked crossing her arms.
"And I'll bet everyone saw just how superior you were." he joked making her blush. "I'll bet most of the girls in the city are feeling pretty small."
"Shut it!" She snapped as she shook her head. 'Why am I letting this brat get to me?!'
"Aw come on, it was a compliment. You really do look hot, and with curves like that, I'm surprised you haven't already got a modeling job. I heard they make a lot of money."
"Ugh, keep this up and I'll take a page from Circe's book and turn you into a pig!"
"Yeesh, try to be supportive and this is what it gets you." he muttered.
"Supportive?! You convinced me to get naked for a whole town!"
"After you said you wanted to show off what you had and make other girls jealous."
"Y-You, I...augh! Shut up!" She huffed puffing out her cheeks and turning away from him, which he found adorable.
"Alright alright." He shook his head. "How about I make it up to you? Will that cheer you up?"
"Maybe, what are you going to do?" She asked, growing curious.
"Well I could buy you some ice cream, that usually cheers me up."
"Ok, let's go get some and watch tv, sound good?"
"Works for me."
(Later)
"Ah, this is better." Eris said as she and Billy were eating ice cream at Billy's house while watching an old monster movie. "Eating frozen sugary junk food always cheers me up."
"I can't think of anyone this wouldn't cheer up." Billy said as he ate another scoop. "And I'm not just smearing it all over my face so this is twice as good."
"Yes, before my apple hit your brain and fixed your stupidity you were quite the dunce."
"Believe me, I still have my memories. I can't believe I even remembered how to breath."
"Yes, it is quite amazing you lived as long as you did." She chuckled. "Quite frankly, I expected you to just drown yourself by sheer stupidity."
"Yeah, I know, but luckily that idiot is gone forever." Smiled Billy at the goddess. "You know Eris, even though you've given me, Mandy, and Grim some grief, spending a day with you has actually been fun."
"Yes, today has been quite eventful, hasn't it?" She said with a content sigh. "Maybe me being forced to be your best friend won't be so bad after all."
"And maybe you'll learn to enjoy some of the styles of clothes we 'mortal's' have. You could probably find something that really shines."
"I'm good with my toga. Really, what is with you and how I dress?" She raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "Don't tell me you just want an excuse to stare."
"Can you blame me?"
"Ok, your hormones are out of control, I'm turning you back into a child." She raised her apple up before zapping him, causing him to shrink down to his natural state.
"Aw, I was getting used to being a grown up!"
"You were a teenager."
"That's still grown up in my eyes, now I'm back to being tiny."
"Yes, and with a big nose." She chuckled as she poked it.
"Hey." he touched it with a pout. "Way to really rub it in."
"Think of it as karma." She said with a chuckle. "A reminder not to mess with THE goddess of chaos."
"Fine, fine, whatever." he said with a pout.
"Hey, cheer up, at least your back to normal, I could have turned you into an infant."
"...good point." He said, remembering that his new 'best friend' was an extremely powerful and unpredictable goddess. "Still, I did mean what I said."
"About the toga?" She asked in confusion.
"About you having the looks."
"Oh, well of course, I am a goddess after all." She said with a smirk. "But thank you for the compliment."
"I just don't get why you'd get so flustered."
"Well, it's complicated, I didn't expect to be naked so soon, if I had been given more time or it had been my idea I might have been fine with it." She replied looking away. "I'm not exactly use to letting everyone look at my naked form."
"Aren't there tons of statues of gods and goddesses naked?"
"I mean in the flesh you ninny." She said with a groan. "And for the record I had no say in those!"
"Really? Then how does that work?"
"Ugh, an artist reads about us, and tries to put it to stone, not my fault some are perverts!" She huffed. "Not to mention some of those statues make my butt look big."
"Well, it is a bit big, but in a good way." He complimented with her rolling her eyes. "Look on the bright, that's one part of your body that people can say grabs their attention."
"One more word from you and I'm turning you into a statue."
"Ok, then ...at least your hair looks just as smooth?"
"Better." She said with a smile. 'As long as he doesn't make me think about my ass, I'll take any compliment he has.'
"So… what do you wanna do now?"
"Well I was thin-" She was cut off as her apple suddenly started to ring and groaned. "Hold on, someone's trying to call."
"Oh, go ahead, answer it." Billy said as he turned his attention back to the tv.
"Hello?" Eris held the apple up to her ear. "This better be important."
"What are you doing, I've seen the news, you were supposed to be looking after Billy."
"Oh! Why hello there Mandy." She greeted, now feeling a slight bead of sweat. "What news? Oh you mean that dribble they talk about all day, the kind that gets people all up in arms over nothing?"
"I saw the video of you in egypt and the fight in Rome, explain." Mandy demanded, her voice icy cold as Eris gulped nervously.
"Uh...well you see...oh! Sorry, I have someone else on the other end."
"Don't you hang up on m-" Mandy started before Eris hung up and threw the apple away, now fearing for her life.
"Did you just hang up on Mandy?"
"Yes! Oh damn it! I didn't count on her seeing the news! Now she's going to come back here and do who knows what! I don't normally get scared, but she is something else." Spoke Eris biting her nails with Billy gulping.
"You're not wrong. But let's try and stay calm."
"How?! This is Mandy we're talking about, that girl terrifies me!"
"Because did she mention anything about me?"
"No."
"Then that means she must not have seen me doing anything smart. Follow my lead, they're probably on their way right now."
"O-Ok, if you say so, this better work for both our sakes…"
(Later)
A portal opened up with Grim and Mandy stepping through and Mandy having her hands on her hips as she looked around the empty living room.
"Where is she? When I get my hands on her, she'll wish she was never born."
"Come now Mandy, maybe it was just a mistake."
"I don't make mistakes Grim. I know what I saw, and I saw that poor excuse of a goddess causing chaos and disorder instead of staying here and doing what she was told."
"Well we did tell her to watch Billy, not that she had to stay here and do it, maybe she took him with her?" Guessed Grim before seeing Mandy narrow her eyes and gulped. "But I can see what ya mean."
"That's why when I see her, I'm going-" She saw said goddess whistle casually as she entered and smiled.
"Ah, hello Grim, Mandy, calling in an early end to your time away?"
"Cut the crap Eris, you know why we're back."
"Ah, yes, I'm sorry about ending that call, but Billy was trying to eat a blender and I had to stop him."
"Sounds just like him." Sighed Grim before they heard a crash and family laugh before said boy came running out in a monkey suit and covered in mud. "Oh boy."
"TUXEDO! MAAAAN!"
"So, are you here to releive me from this torture?" Eris asked as she looked at Billy with a frown.
"If ya had to put up with that, I wouldn't mind taking an extensive one." Joked Grim.
"No, you're staying with him, think of it as punishment for hanging up on me." Mandy said with a frown. She looked at Billy who rolled on the floor, spreading mud out and raised an eyebrow. "Billy, focus."
"Tuxedo man!" He laughed as he rolled around on the floor. 'Ugh, this is disgusting, I'll have to definitely take a bath as soon as Grim and Mandy leaves.'
"We'll just be going back to the spa, make sure to clean up this mess."
"Ugh, fine, if you say so." Grumbled Eris as Billy kept rolling around. When the two vanished through the portal Billy stopped as both sighed in relief.
"That was close. I almost thought she would see through me. I only pulled off that whole tuxedo man thing at the last minute."
"Well, it certainly worked, they definitely think you're still an idiot." Eris sat down on the couch while conjuring up a yellow mop which began cleaning up the mud. "I could feel my blood freeze when I thought we were done for."
"Yeah, Mandy can be pretty terrifying." He said with a slight shiver.
"And until they get back, we can't go out and live it up." Huffed Eris crossing her arms.
"Well…..you could still cause chaos on people on the TV from the couch." He suggested with a smile. "That way you're still here, and not breaking any rules."
"I suppose, but it's not quite the same." She sighed. "How long will we have to keep up this facade?"
"...I have no idea." He admitted before moving over and sat down beside her. "Think of it like this, it's our own dirty little secret." He snickered. "That's something to keep in mind, it's something that Mandy won't know as long as we're careful."
"Yeah, but eventually she'll figure it out, then what?"
"I say we worry about that later, otherwise you'll start getting early wrinkles." he teased.
"Oh please, as if a goddess could grow old." She said with a scoff.
"You sure about that?" He asked skeptically. "I've seen Mother Nature, and she's pretty old."
"Well she uses all those boring organic methods to stay young, and they fail. Me on the other hand use far more modern and better ways." she boasted.
"Yeah… hey, wanna make a bunch of kaiju appear in hollywood?"
"Ooh! I've always wanted to see a real live monster movie. Now that's what I call chaotic." She chuckles as they sat down on the couch and began to flip through channels to find a good monster movie that they could copy and use on hollywood.