"There are three kinds of dragons," said Tohru. "Chaos, Harmony, and Spectator."
"Okay," said Dany.
"I used to belong to the Chaos faction," said Tohru. "Our goal was to kill all humans and destroy all human establishments."
"Oh, yikes!" Dany gasped. "That doesn't sound like you at all!"
"Well, I fell in love with a human and chose to live among them. Sometimes you change for those you love," Tohru said. "You know all about that, don't you?"
"Yes," Dany admitted with a blush. "Okay, so I'm definitely not a Chaos dragon. Tell me about the others."
"Harmony dragons were the opposite of us," said Tohru. "They wanted dragons and humans to live together."
"Oh!" Dany beamed. "That sounds wonderful! I am definitely a Harmony dragon!"
"No," said Tohru. "You are a Spectator dragon. You don't intervene, you watch passively as the boys run everything."
"That's not true!" said Dany. "I've done plenty."
"In the time I've been with you, your greatest achievement is getting married. And you didn't even really choose that."
Dany considered. "Ohhh...you're right! I am a Spectator dragon! Oh, that's awful!"
"But you want to be a Harmony dragon," said Tohru. "So that's good. I think that style suits you very much. Okay. So now we just have to decide what sort of Harmony you're trying to bring. You can't have the same goal as the real Harmony dragons, since there aren't really any dragons around except for us, and we already like you! So, what is your goal?"
"Well, that's easy," said Dany. "Now that my brother is dead, I'm the heir to the Iron Throne. I need to go back to Westeros and claim my birthright."
"Oh, well that's easy! Kanna and I will fly you right over!" Tohru exclaimed.
"Really?!" she exclaimed, and then tears formed in her eyes. "Oh, but...what about Khal Drogo?"
"Khal Drogo? Oh, well...I guess we can take him too," said Tohru tentatively.
"Ohhh," Dany groaned. "My brother was so stupid! He wanted Drogo's army to cross the Narrow Sea and conquer Westeros for him. One problem with that: The Dothraki are terrified of water!"
"Really?" Tohru asked. "Why's that?"
"I dunno. It's a culture thing," said Dany.
"Hm, like hating the number four," said Tohru. "Okay. Well, this is a problem. You're sure you can't go without Drogo?"
Dany was insulted. "Of course not! He's my Kobayashi!"
"Bah, okay. Well, you're just going to have to convince him-"
Their conversation was cut short by a shriek. They poked their heads out of the tent to see what was the matter. Kanna was holding onto Jorah, and Khal Drogo was speaking wildly in Dothraki: "But I don't understand! I thought we had an agreement that you and I could pleasure each other while Khaleesi was pregnant!"
"That was just that one time!" Kanna explained. "I...I don't want to do it anymore."
"Why not? Wasn't it fun?" Drogo asked.
"It was...no. It was not. You did not pleasure me," Kanna said adamantly, stepping out confidently in front of Jorah.
"Wha...it didn't sound like I didn't pleasure you," said Drogo.
"I didn't want to make you feel bad, but since you insist on asking, no, you did not."
"But...I've never...let me try again!"
"No."
"But I am the Khal! I get what I want! I...!" He saw Tohru and Dany glaring at him. "I mean...fine. Ser Tohru always says, if a woman does not consent, Khal Drogo must leave her alone."
Dany stepped out of the tent. "Sun and Stars! Come here, we can make love."
"But...your Westerosi custom!"
"I decided I don't care about that custom anymore. Let's go have sex, and then talk about all of the customs from our culture that are silly!" She took the Khal by the hand and led him away.
Not bad! Tohru thought. She went back to her own tent.
"Whew, that was close!" Kanna said.
Jorah smiled at her. "You are lucky. I've never heard of anyone who stood up to a Khal and lived to tell the story. You Dragon Warriors sure are extraordinary," he said.
"Khal Drogo wouldn't have stood a chance against the two of us," said Kanna, nudging him.
"You think I could fight the Khal?" Jorah asked, flattered.
"What, you think you couldn't?" Kanna teased.
"You know the braid Khal Drogo wears? It has never been cut. That means he has never lost," said Jorah.
"First time for everything," said Kanna.
"I am flattered, Kanna, but I am no match for the Khal," said Jorah.
"So you would make me fight all by myself?" Kanna pouted.
"I'd only slow you down," said Jorah. The sounds of Dothraki making love surrounded them. They giggled awkwardly. "Well, I think that's our cue."
"Oh?" Kanna said suspiciously.
Ser Jorah bowed. "Goodnight, Kanna." They retreated to their tents.
Kanna crawled under the covers with Tohru. "Tohru?"
"Yes, Kanna?" Tohru said sleepily.
"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have sex with a man?"
"Ew," said Tohru.
"I know, that's what I always thought too, but...I'm having feelings," said Kanna.
"What, for Dany's Khal?" Tohru asked.
"Ewww, no! Not Dirty Horse Man. Ser Jorah," said Kanna.
Tohru threw her blanket off them. "You have got to be joking," said Tohru. "Of all the men in this world and Japan that have wanted you. He flips your trigger?"
Kanna nodded. "Oh, you don't think he's even a little bit attractive?"
"NO! He's a man!" Tohru spat. "Men aren't attractive. PERIOD."
"Maybe to you! I've always thought the knights and Vikings in Fafnir's storybooks looked kinda nice," said Kanna.
"Lalalalalala," said Tohru, covering her ears.
"With their grungy hair and their rusty armor and their hairy faces," Kanna said. "Jorah's the closest thing I've ever seen to those men. And sure, I know he's not Thor or anything, but he is a good man."
Tohru's stomach was churning. "Yes, I suppose he is a good man," she admitted.
"So do you think I should do it?" asked Kanna. "Should I seduce him?"
"Ughhhhh," said Tohru. "I'm surrounded by heteros. I never thought you would catch it too. Fine, go...ugh...do Jorah, if it will make you happy. But don't come crying to me if you don't like it."
"Ohhh, thank you, Tohru! Your acceptance means a lot," said Kanna.
"Love is love," Tohru sighed. "Ugh!" She stared up at the ceiling as Kanna left, reflecting on how fast Kanna had grown up. Discussing things like sex with her, especially hetero sex, made her feel icky, even though Kanna was probably closer to Jorah's age than Dany was to Khal Drogo if you broke it down. It still felt weird. She sighed, rolled over, and tried not to think about it.
Kanna found Ser Jorah's tent. She looked at the pile of clothes in the corner and realized he must be naked. She breathed deeply. Here goes nothing. She took off her clothes and crawled under the blankets with him.
Jorah was fast asleep. "Jorrrahhhh," she whispered.
"Mmmmmmmm," he said.
"Jorah," she whispered. "I want you."
Jorah rolled over, but he was still fast asleep. He wrapped an arm around Kanna and pulled her close. She was surprised at the hairiness of his body, but she soon got used to it. She traced the muscles on his arm.
"I want you too," he whispered back.
"You do?" Kanna said. "Oh, Jorah! I...!"
"Shhhhh," Jorah said. "We don't want to wake the Khal."
"Uhhh, right," Kanna said, confused. Jorah's hand found her breast, and she gasped at the sensation of his fingers against her nipple.
"Khaleesi," Jorah whispered.
"What's that?" Kanna said.
"Khaleesi," he repeated. "I love you."
Kanna gasped, and her body froze. "You love Dany? Just Dany."
"I love Dany," he repeated. "Don't tell the Khal."
She pushed his arm off her in disgust, and looking down at him, realized he was sleep-talking. Still, she had all the information she needed. She gathered her clothes and sulked back to her tent with tears in her eyes.
"Did you do Jorah?" Tohru asked in disgust. Then, seeing Kanna's tears, Tohru softened. "Oh, no. What happened?"
"I," Kanna said, then sniffed. "You were right. Men are awful."
"Sorry you had to find out that way," said Tohru. "Put your clothes back on, Kanna. There's gotta be a les somewhere in this universe for you."
"Okay," said Kanna. But she couldn't sleep, she only thought about Jorah's fingers on her nipple, and his breath on her neck as he yearned for Dany.
Jorah, Dany, and Tohru were browsing the marketplace the next morning.
"Where is Kanna?" Jorah asked.
"She wasn't feeling well," Tohru explained.
"Oh no, what's wrong?" Dany asked.
"Heterosexuality," Tohru muttered.
"Oh, that sounds serious," Dany said, concerned.
"Oh, it is," said Tohru, unaware that that word was meaningless in this universe.
"Will she get better soon?" Dany pressed.
"I hope so," said Tohru. "Unfortunately, many people never recover from it."
"Oh, that is awful," said Dany. But Dany had other things on her mind. "So, Ser Jorah," said Dany, "I've decided that I will take the Seven Kingdoms in place of my brother."
Jorah had to pause to absorb the statement. "Are you sure, Khaleesi?"
"Very sure," said Dany. "It is my birthright. But I can't convince Khal Drogo to cross the Narrow Sea. Can you help me convince him?"
"The Dothraki are stubborn, Khaleesi," said Jorah. "They do things in their own way in their own time. Although, I must admit I am relieved that you must wait. When your ancestor Aegon the Conqueror crossed the Narrow Sea and took Westeros, he had three dragons with him. I'm afraid it will not be so easy for you."
"Aren't the people just longing for the return of the Targaryens?" Dany pressed.
Jorah laughed, then stopped himself. "The last Targaryen King they remember is not one they remember fondly. He was called the Mad King. He treated his people horribly. So...no, Dany. Although, I believe you would make a wonderful queen. But, I must excuse myself."
Jorah bowed to them and departed. Tohru pinched Dany. "I have a nearly unlimited supply of dragons!" Tohru exclaimed. "This is destiny! We must take back Westeros!"
Their conversation was interrupted by a man peddling wine. "You are from Westeros?" he asked Dany.
"Well, I don't remember any of it, but yes," said Dany.
"Oh, you have not lived until you have had this red wine from the Arbor in Westeros. It is the finest vintage we have," he said.
"Oh, well, I enjoy wine, don't you, Tohru?" Dany asked. She took the bottle and poured two glasses.
Tohru sniffed hers. "MURDERER!" she shrieked, smacking the wine away from Dany.
"Tohru, what has gotten into you?" Dany asked.
"This wine smells poisonous," said Tohru.
"Wha...how?" The wine seller smelled the bottle. "I don't smell anything."
"Drink it, then," said Tohru. "If you think I'm wrong."
Of course a human couldn't smell the poison, but the wine seller smelled it nonetheless. He gasped. "You are right! The poison...I mean, this wine smells terrible! My apologies, madam, I don't know how this happened!"
Tohru's arahk was at the wine seller's throat. "Any last words, you lying snake?" Tohru asked.
But Drogo's hand clamped down on Tohru's shoulder. Jorah was beside him. "I will take it from here, Ser Tohru," said Drogo.
The sound of the man being tortured in the back of the khalasar was unsettling. "Oh, please, can we simply kill him and be done with it?" Dany asked.
Drogo ignored the question. "Moon of my Life, Jorah the Andal fears that this King Robert Baratheon sent the poison wine for you. He fears that there will be more attacks. I cannot allow this."
"Oh my," said Dany. "What are you going to-"
"I shall SLAY KING ROBERT and take Westeros! I shall be the first Khal to cross the Narrow Sea and conquer a foreign land! This I will do in honor of you, Moon of my Life! And then our son, Takiya, the Stallion Who Mounts the World, shall father a new nation of people in our new land!"
Dany too forgot about the wine seller. "Oh, Sun and Stars!" she cried. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Did you hear that, Tohru? We're going to Westeros!"
"Awesome!" Tohru agreed, but she shook her head sadly. "Oh, Dany, when will you stop being a Spectator?" she asked herself.