Here we are with the second chapter, folks! Things will start getting magical from here on out.

Defective Magic of Spooky Doom

Chapter 2- The Letter

Just as initially assumed, the incident was still the main topic of conversation the next day. According to some sources, the lion made its way out of the zoo and into the city, where it eventually boarded a ship headed to Africa. The authorities who took a look at its cage noted that the bars weren't broken. There weren't even bars at all anymore. It was almost as if they had… disappeared. As if they had never been there at all.

Zim was to stay in his room as punishment for sending Chunks, who had slipped into a sort of coma, to the hospital and causing the orphanage to waste more money than intended. Zim would be grounded until Chunks awakened or until the Irken turned eighteen, whatever happened first. Zim silently cursed Miss Bitters from behind her back after he returned to his bedroom. It's like he told Hecate last night, he always gets the blame for everything. On the bright side, though, the other children left him alone after the lion's attack.

The only willing visitor he got was Hecate every time she brought him his meals. Zim hadn't cared about the isolation at first, claiming he needed no one', but soon the solitude bored the heck out of him, and he made long conversations with his Vortian guardian.

Bless you, Hecate! And bless the curly fries!

The only activities Zim could do in his confinement were napping, looking through the window, hide from the roaches whenever they crawled from under the bed, or stare at the ceiling. On one occasion, he grabbed his plush dragon, Mr. Scales, as he contemplated. This might sound childish, but Zim considered the doll to be his 'best friend' and often talked to him when he felt lonely and Hecate was unavailable. It was probably a 'parting gift' from his mother after she left him, so maybe he unconsciously clung to it as the only thing he had from her.

Half a day passed before someone, probably Hecate, knocked on the door. "Zim?" Yup, it was her, alright.

"What?" Zim asked half-groggily. He was having a sweet dream!

"There is a… lady who wishes to see you." Lady? That's weird; no potential parents ever wanted to see him, mostly because he was an Irken. Hyoomans didn't want to adopt children of a different species.

That aside, this might be his chance to get out of here! With this in mind, Zim quickly slipped into a plain white shirt and gray shorts. Once he was presentable enough, he called out. "You have Zim's permission to come inside, Hecate and whoever you are!"

Hecate opened the door. Zim felt his squeedly-spooch knot. The lady in question was an Irken, just like him, and she was tall. Really tall. About Miss Bitter's height, maybe a bit more. The Irkenette's attire, though, was slightly weird. It consisted of dark cyan robes and a matching curly pointed hat.

"Zim?" The irkenette asked in a gentle voice. Her cyan eyes locked with his curiously.

"Y-Yeah, I am Zim!" He stuttered, his voice shaking uncharacteristically.

Despite not growing amongst his kind and being mostly unaware of the 'height factor,' Zim cowered in the presence of a taller Irken. As Hecate mentioned last night, the 'height factor' is the main force behind Irken mentality: the taller you are, the better you , of course, had no proper education of this, so he didn't show the appropriate respect.

"Are you going to adopt Zim?"

"Zim!" Hecate chided.

The Irkenette blinked in surprise. Any other Irken would have reacted aggressively, but not her. She understood why he didn't act accordingly. He lacked an Irken parent or authority figure to teach him the proper manners. So her response was a kind smile.

"Not necessarily. I want to talk to you about a more… personal matter. But first, let me introduce myself," Lena tipped her hat lightly and wiggled her lekku, a standard greeting or respect gesture amongst Irkens. "I'm Lena Cyanin, Astronomy Professor at Irkharth."

"Irk… harth?" Hecate repeated. "I've never heard of it."

Lena coughed uncomfortably. "It's not a normal school, miss…"

"Hecate."

"Miss Hecate. First of all, there's something Zim has to know." Lena looked down at Zim again. "Zim, what I'm going to tell you might be a bit overwhelming at first, but-"

"Are you Zim's mama?"

"Zim!" Hecate yelped in dismay. She looked worriedly up to the newcomer.

Lena looked baffled for a few moments before blinking back into reality. "No, Zim. What I'm going to tell you is that you're a wizard."

Zim raised his lekku. "Gizzard?"

"No, wizard. You know, someone who uses magic."

"Zim is a wizard?" Hecate frowned skeptically. What was this irkenette up to? "Are you serious? You came here just to tell us that?"

Lena was prepared for such a reaction. It's common amongst no-maj borns, who are raised to believe that magic is nothing more than fiction. "I guess you remember the incident from yesterday, right? About the lion's escape." Zim froze in place. Hecate nodded warily. "How did the lion escape?"

Hecate wasn't sure of what to reply. "Nobody's sure. The bars were gone, but it didn't look as if they were broken. It was more like… like…"

"As if they disappeared?" Lena finished.

"...Something like that."

"And what happened before that? Did you get upset or angry in any way?" Lena asked Zim.

He didn't answer. He went back to that moment in the zoo, back to the jeers and mocking from the other children. He felt vulnerable. He wanted them to stop somehow. Then somehow, the thing with the lion happened… Wait, he had spoken with the lion too. Lena seemed surprised when he mentioned it.

"That's odd. Magical language isn't usually amongst the presented symptoms."

"Symptoms?" Hecate repeated.

"You see, when young wizards or witches are upset or feel threatened in any way, their magical power reacts accordingly and causes stuff like that to happen, as a sort of defense mechanism. It can't be controlled and occurs randomly during the first years of life. It disappears with age and the proper magical education."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Zim cried out loudly. "You mean to say that all the weird stuff that's happened… Stuff changing and…" Zim blinked as realization dawned unto him. "So, it was me?"

"Zim, I know this might be overwhelming, but-"

He didn't listen to what she said as he processed the news. Was he a wizard? He more-or-less knew what it was, as Hecate used to read him those sorts of stories back when he was a smeet. He remembered he sometimes wished he could do cool magic like those magical people, but Miss Bitters would always crush his hopes in the cruelest way possible, stating that magic was just an invention of ignorant people who wanted an explanation of why it rained. But this lady here just came and told him otherwise. That he was a magical person. All those flying books, all those roaches attacking the other kids, all the times his cuts healed quickly… It had been him all this time.

Zim didn't realize he had jumped to his feet and started to laugh. He did a sort of victory dance while crying out that he wasn't a freak and how he'd rub it into the hyoomans' faces.

"I'm a weezard! I, the great Zim, am weezard!"

"Err… Zim," Lena said warily. This wasn't exactly the reaction she had been expecting from him in question.

Hecate sighed, though her gaze on Zim was a fond one. "He should get tired in about five minutes."

"Zim, I have not only come to inform you that you're a wizard," Lena stated after Zim finally remembered she was still there. "I have something for you." She took out a sealed envelope from her robes. "It's an acceptance letter."

Zim raised his lekku. "Acceptance? Let me see!" He snatched the envelope and tore it open.

Irkharth Academy of Magic and Witchcraft

Headmaster(s): Almighty Tallest Mages Red and Purple.

Dear Mr… Zim.

We are pleased (sort of) to inform you that you have been accepted at Irkharth Academy of Magic and Witchcraft. Term begins on 1 September. You'll find a list of all necessary books and equipment-

We should add doughnuts in it!

Purple! Grr, look what you made me write! Just show up on time, Zim.

Yours truthfully (rather, the other way around since we're way taller than you)

Almighty Tallest Mages Red and Purple, headmasters of Irkharth.

"Wait a minute, 1 September?" Hecate gasped. "That's in two days!"

Zim didn't exactly hear what she said other than her dismayed claims of not having enough time or any money to buy the stuff, while Lena was trying to calm her down.

"Given his status as a no-maj-born…"

"No-what?" Hecate asked with a puzzled expression.

"No-maj is a term for people who don't have magic. 'Normal' people, if you prefer. A No-maj born is a witch or wizard who was born in a family of normal people due to wizarding ancestry." Lena explained, slightly impatient at being constantly interrupted. "No-maj borns are granted a credit to buy the required materials for first years, which includes a wand, the textbooks, and the basics."

"And where would Zim get all the magical stuff?" Zim asked.

"In the Wizard's market not far from here. I came to take you there so you can get everything you'll need." Lena glanced at Hecate uncertainly. "Usually the parents or tutor are required to accompany the new student, but… Well, given these unique circumstances…"

Zim and Hecate knew what she meant to say. The former quickly said. "Hecate could come! She's the one who looks after Zim, so technically that counts, right?"

"Well… Yes, I guess."

"What about Miss Bitters? We have to let her know."

Lena felt a shiver down her spine and shifted uncomfortably. "I talked to her already. She said she didn't… mind." This was an understatement, of course. That woman made it clear she didn't care. One less mouth to feed, as she put it.

"Let me guess: 'if that means I have one mouth less to feed, you can take him to the North Pole and enslave him for all I care," Hecate said with a sigh.

Wow. She had quoted the hag perfectly. "Yeah, something like that."

Zim was instantly on his feet. "What are we waiting for? Take me to weezard's market!"

It started as a typical day for the young Irkenette known as Ilk. Wake up at eight a.m., get dressed, make Lard Nar surprise breakfast, and enjoy a quiet morning. He worked so hard that he deserved some pampering now and then. As she was preparing the pancake mixture, she heard the ruffling of wings from the doorway. She found nothing as she turned around, but she heard it again, this time right next to her.

"Don't even think about it, Kor Kan." Ilk chided and pulled the bowl of mixture away from Lard Nar's nightingale familiar. "The last time you dropped your feathers all over it!"

Kor Kan chirped in protest.

"How about this? If you behave, I'll make a pancake just for you." Ilk giggled as the nightingale responded with happy trills and hopped unto her head.

She was giving the toast some finishing touches when she heard the familiar footsteps from the corridor.

"Something here smells good!" Lard Nard chimed, walking into the kitchen. He took a sniff. "I see. Cinnamon pancakes again, right?"

"What can I say? I thought of making scrambled eggs, but I didn't want to offend a certain someone." Ilk motioned to Kor Kan, who chirped in protest and pecked at her lekku.

"Let me lend you a hand." Lard Nar took out a long, dark brown wand and waved it. Plates and utensils flew out of the cupboard and floated towards the table, where they were neatly placed down. Additionally, Lard Nar placed a small bowl for Kor Kan, filling it with some marguerite seeds.

Ilk didn't exactly belong to a 'normal' family. For starters, Lard Nar is not an Irken like her. He's a Vortian, and her adoptive father. She never knew her birth parents because they perished in an accident when she was a smeet. Lard Nar, an old friend of her family, was named her tutor and he's raised her like his own child ever since. Sometimes he'd tell her stories about her parents and of how much they loved her.

Apart from being her tutor, Lard Nar is also a wizard. As you've seen from the demonstration, he's capable of using magic, and he owns a familiar spirit, his bird Kor Kan, who acts as partner, guardian, and spirit guide. His magic can be used for minor chores, such as putting the table and other small tasks, but his main job is that of a potion maker. No-maj people call him apothecary. Ilk herself was a witch as well, but she still had no wand, and her magical power manifested randomly due to her lack of experience.

Once breakfast was ready and they sat to the table, Ilk made sure to give Kor Kan his promised pancake. "Just don't give him too much, or he won't be able to fly." Lard Nar teased, chuckling as the bird pecked at his head in retaliation.

"It's not that big; I made it for his size." Ilk said while munching on her pancake.

"Hey, don't speak with your mouth full, young lady."

Ilk swallowed the food in her mouth. "Hey, Lard Nar, how did you feel when you got your acceptance letter?" Lard Nar pondered over his coffee slurp. He knew why she was asking. She was twelve years old already, and her magical education was due to begin very soon.

"I felt like it was the best thing that could have happened to me! You could say those are the best years of one's life. You not only learn many things, but you also meet lots of people, both good and bad."

"Where did you study magic?"

"Ah, I was enrolled at Battaneux Magical Academy. It's a nice magical institution, more open for different species."

"What about Irkens?"

"Well, Irkens are a bit more… complicated. They don't like mingling in with other species; they got this 'we're better than you' way of thinking. Due to this, they have their own magical academy, Irkharth, exclusive for the Irken race but one of the finest in the universe."

Ilk had heard or Irkharth. Irken witches and wizards spoke wonders of it, and many of history's greatest Irken sorcerers graduated from there. A few of her neighbors had already left for Irkharth or were awaiting their acceptance letters. "Is that were mom and dad went?"

Lard Nar patted her head. "They were amongst the finest students to ever graduate, my dear. I'm sure that you'd be just as good, if not better!"

"They have to send me a letter first, don't they?"

"If you hurry, you can still catch up to the mailman." He was teasing her, but she didn't blame him. These past weeks, she'd been continuously waiting next to the mailbox all morning, hoping to find an envelope addressed to her.

Realizing it was almost eleven, Ilk hurriedly ate her breakfast and ran to the inbox outside just in time to receive the mailman. "Hey, Smikka!"

The mailman that delivered to their street was Smikka Smikka Smoodoo (Smikka, for short), a breed of a fairy with short height, pointy ears, green-yellow skin, and beaded blue eyes. His only clothing consisted of a small hat with a winged envelope insignia, matching black gloves, loincloth, and a big handbag in which he carried all the mail. His tiny fairy wings were flapping rapidly to keep him in the air.

"Oh, hello, Ilk!" Smikka said, greeted amicably. "Let me guess: 'do you have something for me?'" he quoted.

Ilk rubbed the back of her head, chuckling. "What can I say? I'm excited! I'm twelve years old already, and I haven't got any acceptance letters!"

"You can thank the mail system for that. Letters and correspondence get mixed up and end up somewhere else, and people, of course, blame the mailmen for that." Smikka murmured bitterly, rubbing his rear. Stupid dog.

"How's Summa?"

"These days she's been sick and I've been taking her turns. I hope she gets better soon; I'm getting worried."

"What did the doctor say?"

"He called for some tests, but they aren't ready yet. Anyway, I think I do have something for you." Ilk froze as she watched Smikka's hand searching through his satchel. He took out some envelopes of different colors and sizes. He eventually took a magenta envelope. "Here it is. It's from Irkharth Academy of Magic and Witchcraft."

Ilk snatched the envelope and stared down at it in awe. It had the school's primary colors and the symbol on the corner. "Thanks, Smikka!" She searched in her pocket and gave the fairy a good amount of monies. "For your kids!" She rushed back inside, waving the envelope happily. "Lard Nar, I got a letter!"

The Vortian nearly choked unto his pancake. He had to hit his chest and cough a few times. "Finally! What does it say?"

Ilk tentatively opened the envelope and slid open the letter, but she hesitated to read it. "Um… Would you read it for me? I'm a bit too nervous…"

Lard Nar rolled his eyes with a small grin. "Okay, let me see." Kor Kan brought the piece of parchment to him. It was written in red ink, meaning one of the headmasters had personally written it by hand. Interesting.

Irkharth Academy of Magic and Witchcraft

Headmaster(s): Almighty Tallest Mages Red and Purple.

Dear Ms. Ilk Nar

We are pleased to inform you that you've been accepted at Irkharth Academy of Magic and Witchcraft. You'll find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Terms begins on September 1.

Yours truly,

Almighty Tallest Mages Red and Purple, Headmasters of Irkhart.

Lard Nar re-read the date. "September first? Oh, geez!" Damn the mailing system! This meant they only had two days. "Ilk, the good news: you've been officially accepted at Irkharth."

Ilk raised her lekku. This meant… A flurry of emotions overcame her. Irkharth. She had been accepted at Irkharth. She wanted to scream. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to twirl around and do her little victory dance. But she already knew the 'good news, bad news' lecture. "And the bad news?"

"Thanks to our 'wonderful' mailing system, the letter got delayed and it arrived much later than intended, which only gives us two days to go buy your stuff!"

"Two days?! How are we going to get to the Wizard's Market if your broom hasn't been fixed!"

Someone knocked on the door. Kor Kan flew towards the window and flapped his wings, chirping energetically. Lard Nar and Ilk found Smikka at the door, panting heavily, sweating and with a big, long parcel in his arms.

"See what I mean? They call me at the last moment and tell me there's another package for you! They could have told me in the morning and saved me the extra distance!" Finally, his wings couldn't bear the weight anymore and he fell to the ground.

"You okay, Smikka?" Ilk asked worriedly, helping him up.

"I think I need new wings."

Lard Nar took a look at the fairy's wings. They didn't have any cracks or cuts. "You're not dying; they're just swollen from flapping for too long without rest." He frowned and said before Smikka could speak. "I know, we can thank the mailing system for it."

"Exactly!"

"Well, how about you go inside and take some pancakes while we check this out?" Admittedly, Smikka didn't even have time to finish his breakfast, so he was grateful for the offer.

While he went into the kitchen, Ilk tore off the wrapping on the package. She gasped in awe. It was a brand new broomstick. And not just any, it was the latest Swiftwind model, one of the finest brooms for school. It was costly and not many could afford it. Who could have sent it?

"Hey, so what's inside the-? By my horns, is that a Swiftwind?"

Lard Nar! It must have been him to give her a surprise for her acceptance into the magic school. He must have been saving a lot of money from his earnings to buy it. While business was good, it wasn't enough to afford such an expensive broomstick unless he took lots of extra jobs. "Oh, Lard Nar, thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she repeated happily, hugging her surrogate father tightly.

Smikka and Kor Kan stared at the scene, amused. Lard Nar didn't know what to say; he only patted Ilk's head, chuckling nervously. "Well, on the bright side, we can get to the Wizard's Market now."

Well, well, looks like their adventure has just begun.

To those who may not know, Smikka Smikka Smoodo is a screwhead slave that appeared on 'Megadoomer'. He switched the packages meant for Zim and Tenn out of spite for his race being enslaved. In this au, his species is mostly unchanged, except they don't have screws in their heads and they got pointy fairy ears and wings. Him working as a mailman is a reference to the the character working as a delivery service slave in the show. While not necessarily enslaved, his species is still overworked as the mailmen of the magical world, though.

See you in the next chap!