Nellie and Yennefer sat crosslegged on the floor of the former's room, surrounded by walls lined shelves and a ceiling covered with hooks and hanging herbs and chains with burning braziers hanging below them to light up the windowless room. Chests filled the third of the room that wasn't taken up by the women, a desk covered with vials, or Nellie's small bed tucked behind the desk on the right side of the room. There was no sign in the room that Nellie was any sort of artist-other than the sketchbook stuffed and forgotten under her pillow.

Between them was the smoke of a particularly nasty poison and the bowl that contained its ashes. Nellie was scribbling notes before she could forget them and Yennefer was strangely relaxed, eyes closed and head thrown back after a long day of studying and practicing her magic. After a few moments, she winced and gently touched her shoulder. A quick look at Nellie told her that her moment of weakness had gone unnoticed… not that Nellie would care. Yennefer's face twisted-not that Nellie cared about anything, anywhere, ever.

"It should be more potent," Nellie said suddenly. Her hair was to her chin now, half held back with a few small braids pinned to the back of her head. Her eyes were brighter when she talked but the dark, sleepless marks below them had deepened sharply. It was late, late at night and she hadn't slept the previous night either. "It hasn't been that long since we picked it."

"It's been a month." Yennefer corrected quietly.

Nellie dropped the notes and raised her palms to rub at her eyes. She'd been so careful. Meaningless. Pointless. Worthless. Again. How did Yennefer and all those students learn and grow and create and she was just stuck? In everything? With nothing?

She stood, letting the paper fall to the floor, and stomped her way to the desk. One of the vials was filled with mold. Nellie swore and yanked open a drawer, opening a hidden compartment to pull out a small bottle of liquor. The drawer slammed with her hip as she snatched two clean jars and began pouring a measure for herself and her pupil.

"Well, you'll be gone soon anyway." Nellie shrugged. She tossed back a gulp and shuddered as the burn of alcohol hit her throat. "You'll find more out there then we could ever learn mucking about in my room. Your king will probably fill three rooms with herbs for you."

Yennefer drank and seemed unaffected. "You'll have to visit me on one of your trips."

This made no sense to Nellie so she drank a little more. "Like you'll have any time to bother thinking of all of us back in Aretuza. You'll have your new face. Everything you want."

Anger or maybe annoyance flashed across Yennefer's face.

"And what would you want, Nellie? If you wanted something?"

Nellie's body pulled back before she could even process what she'd been asked, hands up defensively in front of her. "I want to stay here. I want to help my mother. I want to be…" Nellie looked down at her dirty-kneed trousers and her too-big shirt and her bloody knuckles. How old was she? Fifty? A hundred? Two hundred? "Yennefer, I have no idea."

"Well, let's see." The bottle raised and filled both their glasses again. "You have dozens of books on medicine."

"They talk about herbs. And herbs are the only thing around here that changes." Nellie wasn't sure why that mattered but it did.

"Alright." Yennefer did not seem to know what to do with that either. "Why did you teach me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Nellie's eyes found a particularly bright lump of coal in one of the braziers and lost herself in staring at it.

"Lots of reasons," Yennefer waved a hand. "It's inconvenient. It's a waste of your time. I might betray you. You no longer have power over me."

"That does make sense." Nellie twisted her head to look at the coal from another angle. Her vision was blurry. Her mouth tasted like cotton. "But it worked out."

"Hm. Something else, something else. Oh. Where do you go when you disappear?"

"What?" Nellie's head was cotton too. Strange. It must be in her ears too. She took another sip from her jar and squinted at her student. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… you must go somewhere. I knock on your door and you don't answer… Unless you're ignoring me."

"What do you mean to disappear? When have I disappeared? I'm always here. I always answer." Nellie scowled. "I don't disappear!"

Yennefer stared at her. Her eyes focused, too well, on Nellie's and Nellie realized she hadn't actually seen Yennifer drinking.

Static seemed to be raising between them. But it was in her mind now instead of in her heart or her finger or her arm.

"Are you reading my mind?"

Yennefer bit her lip, raising one of her hands slightly. "You don't remember."

Thoughts prickled through Nellie's mind as she tried to place what Yennefer might be missing: days of gleefully sharing what she knew with the younger woman…. being taught in return how to keep her hair back and patch her trouser knees and other things her mother must not have thought she needed…. the exuberance of having a student understand what Nellie had thought was an overly passionate waste of breath compared to Tissaia's angry lectures…. burning her hand on a lantern two days ago and adding a pleasant scent to the numbing medicine just because she could… her mother taking her hand and the sparks flying up and down her arm again… waking up pleased that the burn was… gone...

"Nellie."

She had forgotten that Yennefer was even there.

"Tissaia's your mother?"

Oh. That was boring. Old news.

Nellie shrugged and stood, moving to one of her many shelves to start preparing another experiment. She was already focused on her next project, gathering too many jars in one arm and holding them awkwardly against her stomach to pile more on top. A piece of chalk she'd lost and now found got tucked behind her ear and a pestle placed between her teeth.

She took the single step journey back to the middle of the room to find that Yennefer was still sitting, actually drinking her liquor now, deep in thought. Nellie paused and waited, tapping her fingers on her knee as she waited for her student to be ready to listen. She had all the time in the world, after all.

Yennefer looked up.

Any curiosity or happiness that had been there a few minutes ago had turned to worry and scheming. She looked more like Tissaia then Nellie did for a moment and then Yennefer stood abruptly and went to Nellie's small bed to yank up the pillow. Nellie made a sound of protest and lept up as well but Yennefer had already grabbed a paper and started scribbling on it, hiding whatever it was behind a cupped hand.

"Can you trust me?" Yennefer said, yanking the paper back as Nellie stood on tiptoe to catch a glimpse.

Nellie was at a loss. It was ridiculous to see anyone looking so concerned when they were safe inside this tower, let alone have them looking that way at little old Nellie Nobody.

"Yes?"

Yennefer folded the paper, folded it over again, folded it again and again until it was as small as she could make it. "Can I trust you?"

Laughable. What could Nellie possibly do? "Yes."

Yennefer held the paper out, her hunched shoulder meaning she could reach quite as far as she wanted to. Nellie helpfully reached out a hand in return and took it. It felt like a chunk of rock or wood, Yennefer had folded it so tightly.

"Do not open it… Do not read it…" Yennefer grabbed Nellie's chin and yanked it up, glaring at her. Her voice was cold. "Don't even think about it until I'm gone."

"From… Gone from… You mean from my room or…?"

"From this tower."

Yennefer dropped her hand at this command and swept from the room, leaving her friend confused and alone again.

Nellie sat down on the bed and stared at the little lump of paper until its corners left creases in her hand, refusing to go back over the memories that Yennefer had seen, refusing to look for clues. She sat until her eyes began to flutter from exhaustion and she realized it was almost dawn.

Then she tossed the note into the back of a desk drawer and let herself forget it was there.

...

Author's Note:

eeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeagh*pterodactyl screech*

anyway, i'm trying to write more. thanks for the support!