Chapter 8

He didn't know whether he wanted to run or stay. Whether to flee or fight. Whether to freeze or faint. The head gamemaker took a sip of his wine, expectantly looking at him, and Alec just couldn't move; it was as if everything under his feet had just crumbled into a void. His heart was racing, his whole body was tensing up. His hands became clammy with sweat and the hairs on the back of his neck were raised.

He…

"I-I- what ?" he stammered.

He couldn't breathe.

"The blue candies, they taste awful, I wouldn't recommend them."

Alec looked mystified at the half undone wrapper between his fingers. Not thinking he just put it back into the bowl. Magnus took a step forward, suddenly very close to Alec. He reached out to the bowl. The scent of sandalwood hit Alec like a stone brick to his face. Entrancing, sharp. It stung on his tongue like a needle. His sense of smell was in mere seconds completely overtaken by the spicy scent. It was even mixed with a soft cologne. He felt his eyes flutter. His head was dizzy. The warmth of having someone close to him like that was an intoxication in itself. When Magnus was done searching and took a few steps backwards, brushing Alec in the process. Deliberately or unintentionally, Alec couldn't tell, his brain was short circuiting. It felt electric, searing, blistering. He couldn't think about anything else but how Magnus had brushed his sides with his elbow.

"Try this one." Alec looked at the extended orange candy as if it was completely alien to him. He mechanically took it and put it into his mouth. He didn't register the taste and when his eyes locked themselves with the golden cat eyes he just swallowed it without thinking.

The head gamemaker looked amused, but didn't make any more comments about it. "This evening has been quite fruitful to you already, I heard."

Alec felt himself fidget, he was completely unsteady. Out of breath, out of mind. He forced himself to speak: "News travels fast."

The head gamemaker scoffed, a smirk adorned his lips. They were glossy and caught the light from time to time. "As a host and owner of this mansion, very few things escape me."

"I can imagine." Alec averted his eyes, he just couldn't. He felt really awkward. He shifted his balance on his feet. His hands were on his ring. Magnus Bane was still looking at him. The man was swirling his wine, waiting for Alec to continue the conversation. His hands had countless rings and his wrists were bare of any bracelets. Alec realised he really couldn't do this. He really couldn't talk to this man.

"I-I gotta go." He muttered. He forced himself to stay a second longer to nod toward the man and he fled.

His pace was stiff and he couldn't feel his legs as much as he wanted. He didn't know where he was going. 'Away from here' was the only thought that his mind could grasp. There were too many people around him. He exhaled, trying to keep himself from running. But he couldn't escape. He heard Lydia say his name. He hid the best he could that he was out of breath and walked over to her.

"You alright ? You look like you have seen a ghost." She laid a hand on his arm right where the head gamemaker had brushed him while taking the candy from the bowl. He shrugged her off. It burned.

"I need some fresh air. Too many people in here." She frowned; he averted his eyes. She would be able to read through him if he wasn't careful.

"There are balconies upstairs, you can catch a great view from it."

Alec looked up at the man who Lydia had been talking to. He was from Alicante. His suit contrasted with his dark almost black eyes. He was wearing a pin on the lapel of his jacket that indicated he was a gamemaker. Alec really didn't want to talk.

"Thank you," he said before fleeing just as fast. He said a 'nice to meet you' while doing so.

He found the flight of stairs quite easily since they had been at the entrance of the mansion. He briefly wondered if he was going to be stopped by the silent brothers that were visibly guarding the way up. They didn't stop him when he took a first hesitant step. They still didn't move when he took the second step. Assuming it was safe he decided to ascend without any further thought. The upstairs bloomed out into a corridor with several rooms. One room in particular seemed open for people to enter. On the opposite side there was indeed a balcony that overlooked the gardens of the mansion. Alec let his feet guide him, desperately needing the air. Once he reached the stone edge and his eyes were resting on something else than people of Alicante, he could let himself relax. There was only one buffet table here and the conversations were a lot quieter. Music was also absent so he could finally be alone with his thoughts.

He put his hands on the cold stone, still not really understanding what just had transpired. Why on earth had Magnus Bane come up to him or even talked to him ? Alec had tried to murder him. He was supposed to be a primary target. Someone that would be hated, despised by the gamemakers. Someone they would want dead. Conversation, meeting or even talking to Alec wasn't supposed to be part of the plan. But maybe, just maybe Alec had it wrong. Maybe this was a 'know your enemy' or something like 'keep your enemies closer' kind of deal. If this were the case he was done for. Dead without a chance. Talking to gamemakers wouldn't matter, them finding out more about him wouldn't matter either. He exhaled. His head felt so heavy already. He scratched the stone under his nails and exhaled again to calm himself down.

"What's with the long face, blue eyes ?"

Her voice was sharp, he almost didn't recognise her since her hair was dyed dark. But he couldn't mistake her for someone else when her tongue licked her lips. Two long white canines were clearly visible, a cosmetic alteration she had done once her games had ended. She had ripped apart many tributes, some of them she had even bled to death. Her deadly beauty had been praised and her technique not yet bested since there hadn't been any other games without weapons after hers. Camille Belcourt. Her pale skin was powdered and her dress was as red as her lips. Her jewellery looked as rich as her.

"Not much of a talker ?" Her smile filled Alec with unease and he crossed his arms. He hadn't thought of talking with other victors before now. Not that he knew all of them. But the ones he remembered were hard to forget and he hadn't noticed them being part of the other guests.

"What is it that you want ?" he didn't mean to bite. But she had caught him in a not good moment. She kept off-puttingly smiling at him.

"Just a chat, seemed appropriate since you will be dead tomorrow." She leaned against the stone edge. "However, there are more dead people at this party than actually alive ones. So it's quite fitting no matter what."

He didn't reply. He didn't like how she implied that he wasn't going to be a victor. It didn't bruise his ego nor his pride. However he couldn't ignore the chill that ran down his spine. He couldn't read Camille, he couldn't read what she had meant by saying they were surrounded by dead people. It unnerved him.

"Well, we're talking." He said dryly.

"Great," she wasn't cheerful. 'Coy' was more how he would describe her. "An 11, great score. They must be so proud at home in district 2." He internally shook his head. There was no possible way he would talk about his family with her. He kept quiet.

"Alright," she said. "What about your training session ? You shot an arrow at the evaluation team, it apparently made a lasting impression on them. How great is that ?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "How do you know ?"

The way she looked at him made it clear how pleased she was with the question. She even picked up a lock of her hair to play with it before answering: "I have my sources." She looked up at him. "It helps when you have heartbroken a certain someone numerous times, it loosens tongues and him in particular. He still talks to me." Alec squinted at her, not sure if he was understanding correctly what she was saying. "If I want him to of course."

He didn't know what to think of it. He wasn't even sure if it had been established now that she had broken Magnus Bane's heart or not.

"It was quite a good shot. But I could have hurt someone. It was reckless." He uncrossed his arms, letting his fingers caressed the rough stone of the balcony's edge. Her face turned into a scowl.

"There is not such thing as recklessness, you should have killed one. They all deserve it." He frowned, absolutely not agreeing with this fact. Gamemakers and sponsors weren't the ones that had to pay for the crimes and the uprising Valentine Morgenstern had committed. The districts, the ones who had allied themselves with him, they had to pay for it. The districts had to take responsibility for their crimes.

"It was well done-" She added before being interrupted.

"More like medium rare. Mainly because he has, in fact, not killed anyone."

Alec turned around to see Magnus Bane walking up to them. It struck Alec that the Head gamemaker was actually slightly shorter than him. Alec took a step back instinctively to give the man space into the conversation. Camille didn't look pleased and neither did their new conversational partner.

"Magnus, how lovely to see you." Her voice tried to be sultry but she didn't even pretend to hide her annoyance.

Alec looked at Magnus, wondering how the man would react. He saw the clench in the head gamemaker's jaw and decided to stay quiet. He really didn't want to involve himself in this conversation. He wondered if he could discreetly slip away again.

"I can't say the pleasure is shared, Camille." The tone was cutting. It sent a shiver down Alec's spine. The golden eyes flicked with well concealed anger. Magnus Bane looked intimidating when he was angry.

"Come now, not in front of the boy." She was dismissive and Alec realised he was completely overlooked. It pissed him off. He had really no interest in their petty feud. Or was it a lover's quarrel ?

"I'm not a boy and I'm leaving this conversation," he said, ready to indeed exit this conversation as soon as possible. Camille then put an invasive grip upon his forearm. Unless he forcefully liberated himself it prevented him from moving further. He was inclined to just shove her away, but refrained from it. People were probably watching their interaction. He felt the need to force himself to relax.

"No please Alec, stay. My ex-beloved has forgotten about his manners." Magnus didn't reply to her. Alec couldn't keep himself from rolling with his eyes. Magnus had crossed his arms and visibly didn't want the conversation to continue.

Camille sighed: "Well then, if you both want me gone, I guess I'll be on my way." She released her grip on Alec's arm. He hid how thankful he was that she had done so. She walked a few steps and planted a kiss on Magnus' cheek. With her heels she was the same height, if not taller, than him.

"Thank you for thinking about our refreshments. I'm glad me and the others can eat without any problem."

Incredulously Alec saw Magnus averting his eyes. It looked like guilt. But Alec didn't know the man so he wasn't sure. She walked away and Alec could see the man close his eyes briefly as if to take something in. Alec felt his heart twinge. What had this been about ? When Magnus opened his eyes, His expression changed into a more joyful one.

"Well that was that, I absolutely detest her." He gestured toward a silent brother who gave him a glass with a white liquid inside. He took the drink from the tray.

"Pardon me, I can imagine that this wasn't the best line of introduction I've ever given earlier. If nothing it was quite rude. This one wasn't all that tasteful either. If you permit it, perhaps we could try again." Magnus didn't await Alec's response and raised his glass to him. "Hello, I'm Magnus Bane."

"I know who you are, as much as you know who I am," said Alec. He didn't understand why the head gamemaker wanted to talk to him so badly. He had not expected to illicit this kind of response. "I fired an arrow at your head. Unless you don't remember ?"

Alec tried to keep his mouth shut when it threatened to open in surprise when Magnus started to chuckle. It made his stomach flutter. It made him wonder if he was going to be sick. "That you did, a very good shot."

"I-" said Alec, it was a strange compliment to give to the one who almost killed you. He felt the hairs on his neck rise. He was suddenly at a loss of words. He shoved his hands in his pockets to keep himself from fidgeting. He tried to lower his shoulders, tried to calm down. "What would have happened if you hadn't been there to stop it ?"

Magnus looked amused, he took a sip of his drink. "I don't think there is any answer to your question that you would like to hear." Alec felt himself become wary. Why had the head gamemaker come to talk to him ? Was it to threaten him ? "If anything, I can tell you that everything is warded here."

Magnus put down his glass on the edge of the balcony. "Come with me, I'll show it to you." Alec almost didn't catch the clue to follow the head gamemaker until said man was already a few paces in front of him. He lowered his head as if to make himself scarce. It wasn't clear if it was being noticed that Alec was following Magnus to other places. He didn't know how safe it was either. If anything this could be a trap. He didn't know how to feel about this yet. Magnus turned around the corner to get into the other corridor. The amount of people was thinning with every turn Magnus was taking, Until there was just the two of them. They were probably at the other side of the building. Huge widows were giving a view on the front gardens. Alec got distracted by the lights shimmering inside of the trees. They looked like lanterns. He stopped himself from almost colliding with the head gamemaker.

With sharp gestures that Alec had yet to see anyone do, Magnus opened a sliding door. Since it was mostly hidden Alec wouldn't have seen it if it hadn't been for the head gamemaker. The door slid open soundlessly to a flight of stairs. Magnus made his way up and Alec followed. He hadn't heard of detention centres having been created upstairs these days, unless it was a torture chamber.

It was a huge library. Rows and rows of books and other curiosities were displayed on the left and on the right of him. Reassured it wasn't a torture chamber, he made his way inside. Magnus took long strides until he arrived to the biggest widow there was. With another sign of hands the window opened. There was a cold breeze. Magnus then climbed out to the elevated thin platform outside. Alec didn't immediately follow. He was riddled with questions. Magnus turned around and crouched.

Alec's heart stopped as he just couldn't help but stare at the extended hand. It was bejewelled. The hand bracelet he hadn't seen before was golden and contrasted with the head gamemaker's skin. The nails were painted black and two fingers had a huge signet rings saying 'M' and 'B' in a lettering that wasn't all that easy to read. He looked up at Magnus, still trying to understand how and what he was trying to accomplish. Shivers went all over his spine, his palms got sweaty, he was aware of his blush all of a sudden. He felt like he couldn't do it, but rejecting it would make it more awkward. He felt like this whole thing was more intimate than what he would want. It was too close. Too soon. Too direct.

Magnus was still awaiting his response. Dread and fear were striking Alec's heart and he knew he had to calm it down at all cost, lest he start to tremble. He inhaled. His limbs felt incredibly heavy when he finally laid his hand inside the offered one. He looked away, feeling the electric pulsing of their touch soar its way into the pit of his stomach. Magnus grabbed his forearm. It was so warm, so incredibly warm. His whole body reacted to that mere touch. Goosebumps were appearing all over him. He felt himself sweat some more. He tried to exhale to keep down panic and fear. He was going to break down otherwise.

He pushed himself up with the help of the head gamemaker. He didn't accept more help to be hauled up. Once he stabilised himself upon his feet, he dusted off his clothes. He could have climbed up there without Magnus. He was an idiot. He refused to look at the head gamemaker. His reactions toward the man had embarrassed him enough.

"Usually only maintenance comes up here," said Magnus. Alec was silently thankful for the way Magnus just went on about what he had planned. Alec followed the pointed finger. There was a great view from here.

"There are several control panels everywhere, you just need to know where to find them." Alec looked in wonder at how Magnus made a holographic panel appear out of thin air. It was transparent as if it was made of glass if it weren't for the occasional coloured flickering buttons. Magnus typed things in really fast. And the panel disappeared again. The head gamemaker looked at him with a wide grin. Alec frowned. But it didn't take long before Alec understood why Magnus was smiling.

Little by little as if they had always been there, small particles of light were appearing all around them. It reminded Alec of what had been described to him as fireflies. But these weren't insects, they made no sound. They were floating everywhere but mostly around Magnus' hands. It was beautiful. "These are nanites." As he lifted his hand, moved his fingers, the nanites followed and spun around. They changed colours occasionally.

Magnus made a sharp gesture and signed a command. The nanites stopped in their tracks, froze and then vibrated in rhythm. They all bundled up together and all of a sudden there was a glass of wine in Magnus' hand. Alec was stunned. He couldn't believe what he just saw. He definitely didn't understand. Magnus looked smug and extended the glass to him. Alec accepted it solely because he was still bewildered. It felt real, heavy. It was a real glass and the smell of the wine was pretty much real as well. He didn't drink. Magnus spun around to face the empty air and made even bigger signs.

Alec almost dropped his glass when a wall of nanites appeared. They looked like they were closely knit together like a luminescent blanket. "May I ?" Magnus was gesturing toward Alec's glass. When the tribute offered it to him he, without restraint, threw it toward the floating patch of nanites. The particles enveloped the glass and the liquid that had spilled over, keeping it all suspended in the air. Alec, who originally tensed up at the gesture, relaxed when he didn't hear the crash of glass. Magnus then made the control panel appear again. With a few clicks the nanites became translucent and went invisible.

"This is how I stopped your arrow." Magnus crossed his arms, still looking very smug. Alec took a few steps forward. He extended his arm and hand toward where he knew the blanket of nanites was. He didn't feel any resistance and grabbed the glass without a problem. When Magnus snapped his fingers another glass appeared and suddenly he was very close to Alec.

With a low voice he tilted the glass toward Alec, clinking their glasses. Alec had stiffened the very moment the head gamemaker had moved in toward him. The golden yellow eyes locked with his. Alec felt his cheeks turning hot. They were incredibly close. More than before. More than what Alec felt he could take. He felt his eyes trace the details of the head gamemaker's face. The high cheekbones, powdered hooded eyelids, the gloss on the lips. He felt a surge of want; A desire to lean down; A thirst that left his mouth dry and starving. He disengaged.

"Thank you for showing me all of this," he awkwardly gestured toward the empty air, already feeling more cumbersome and tall. He felt nervous. "I had never seen anything like this before."

The smile Magnus shot at him was blinding. "I'm delighted you liked it." Alec hid himself behind his glass of wine and drank it. Magnus seemed to be stuck in some quiet contemplation. It was as if the man was hesitating. Alec wasn't sure if he was still comfortable being in the same spot as the head gamemaker. He didn't understand exactly why he was here. A tension he couldn't put his finger on was floating between them as well. Why was he on a rooftop kind of platform, looking at how technology in Alicante worked ? And why was the head gamemaker quietly staring at him. He drained his glass in one go. He felt its effects almost immediately as it hit his tongue and throat. How, when it made its way into his stomach, it relaxed his muscles.

"Let's go back inside," Magnus suggested. Alec nodded, following the head gamemaker. He didn't offer Alec his hand this time.

The lights of the library were dim, they had automatically sprung on when they had entered. It happened again once they were inside. Alec still marvelled at being in such a big room, but now that his eyes weren't focused on the head gamemaker he let his eyes wander on the rows of books. Were they made of paper ? He approached a bookcase with very colourful books. The lettering on their backs were good craftsmanship as well. He reached out to touch them. He noticed they were indeed paper books.

"Fairytales are interesting subjects to work with when it's about the games, my mother used to sing some lullabies or tell me stories before I fell asleep…" Alec didn't look up at Magnus until he registered the sadness in the other man's voice. "…when I was younger." Magnus finished.

The head gamemaker made his way to Alec. The cat eyes were glowing more when there wasn't much light around them. Could Magnus Bane see in the dark ? He watched as the head gamemaker was playing with his earcuff. Something was bothering him. Alec frowned. Was he embarrassed to have shared something personal ?

"Tell me Alexander, do you read ?" The question made Alec look at his hand on the book.

"I don't get much time, we don't have a lot of books in district 2." The library at the institute was mostly digital. And Alec had preferred to train than to read. But when he wanted to be alone and it was his time off ? Yeah those were the moments he took the opportunity to read.

"Ah yes- yes of course," Magnus stopped fidgeting with his ear jewellery as if suddenly he realised he was doing it. He was about to say something else but Alec interrupted him.

"Sir," The scowl that formed on the head gamemaker's face made Alec stop in his track and close his mouth.

"Don't call me sir, you make me feel terribly old," Magnus seemed to be half-serious and half-hurt as he was dramatically holding his chest where his heart was supposed to be. Or he was just pretending to be. There was a laugh crossing his lips and he shook his head.

And yet again Alec couldn't breathe.

"I-Okay," he said while pinching the inside of his arm. Just so he remembered not to get lost in contemplation. Magnus was only a few meters away from him. He balled his fists, letting his nails dig into his skin. He summoned courage, he had thought of fleeing only a few seconds ago. Magnus Bane was just one man. Not an army. He would be able to keep his cool if he so desired it. "I don't understand you," he continued. "Why are you showing me all of this ?"

"Well since you're the first tribute ever that has actively shot an arrow at me I thought it would be interesting to get to know you." Magnus leaned against the bookcase next to him. Alec didn't know what to expect as a response. He wouldn't have deemed himself interesting to anyone. Especially not for insubordination. It didn't add up. It wasn't logical. He briefly wondered if it hadn't been better if he had been plainly punished. At least he would have understood the situation better.

"Why ?" He kept himself from crossing his arms defensively. He wanted to look self-assured.

"Because I want to." The smile and gestures, it was as if it was self-explanatory. Except it wasn't. There was more to it. Alec could feel it in his gut. There was something about Magnus Bane and he couldn't put his finger unto it.

"I propose we make our way downstairs again." Magnus spun around and gestured Alec to follow him. Alec did as he was told. He glanced at the empty glasses on the window platform. People would probably clean it up later. Once downstairs Magnus slid the door shut again. His gestures were slower and Alec was mesmerised by the way Magnus' signed the commands.

He had his own style, Alec noticed. Catarina had more flowing gestures. Ragnor's were short and sharp. Magnus' fingers always seemed to dance. They told a story just by themselves. With a satisfying smile Magnus turned toward Alec. The light in the corridor was different, it made the red in the head gamemaker's hair reflect differently. It made Alec want to get closer; maybe even touch. Maybe even let a hair lock intertwine with his fingers. He wanted to touch Magnus's face; touch the skin, caress the jawline; to feel and explore. He wanted to get closer, study the face in front of him. Let his fingers trail over the curve of cheeks and the softness of skin. But he didn't. There wasn't one single situation where he would allow himself do such things.

"So are you more a cologne or a flower kind of man ?" Alec blinked.

"Excuse me ?" Did he hear that right ?

"Are you a cologne or more a flower kind of man ?" Magnus asked again.

Alec couldn't keep his eyebrows from raising themselves; suddenly very aware of his heart hammering in his chest.

"I-I" He averted his eyes. He shifted from one foot to the other. He didn't want to reply. He inhaled. It was a pale attempt at stabilising himself. He felt like the ground could swallow him up at any moment. He shot up a defensive strategy, somewhere knowing he was treading in dangerous waters. "Isn't it pretty inappropriate to ask ?" He managed to say without hiccups. But still… his voice had wavered.

Magnus cocked his head to the side. A soft smile appeared on his lips and Alec felt like there wasn't really a way back from here. He had replied to the question, even if he hadn't actually voiced it. "Oh, my apologies, I just needed to make sure that the reason you were looking at me the way you do was because you wanted to kiss me. And not because there was something else I wasn't picking up on."

Alec felt like he just had been dunked into icy cold water. The sweatiness of his palms felt uncomfortable. He felt frozen on the spot, not certain whether to fight or flee, not certain whether to say yes or no. Whether to deny everything or to reply. He felt exposed, compromised, caught red-handed. He tensed up his jaw. He needed to think with his head. Keep calm. Rule out anything that was throwing him off, clear thinking. A clear mind meant a clear heart. And yet…

"There is nothing to be ashamed of Alec," Magnus continued. The head gamemaker had read him so deeply and so correctly. It was embarrassing; a shameful ordeal, really. How did it get to this ? How could he, Alexander Lightwood, put himself in such jeopardy ? How had he failed that badly ?

"You're certainly not the first, and certainly not the last one on wanting to do it." The smile turned into a smirk. And Magnus left it at that. As if it was an established rule. As if it was an irrevocable truth. Alec didn't want that. He didn't want this to be the last thing to be said about it. He still wanted to save himself from the shame; the torment; the feeling of completely having lost control.

"It's– I– You-" he tried and stammered. "It's confusing, you're confusing." It was a low blow, it was a desperate attempt at protection. He didn't want to it to be real. He didn't want it to be factual.

"Am I ?" Magnus asked. It almost threw Alec off again. He was falling; Falling apart; Falling deeper with every reply and defence he was putting on.

"You…" His face felt so hot. His heart was tearing itself away in his chest. Panic had completely clouded his mind. He couldn't find a way out. "You expect me to do what exactly ? I come here, you ignore me, us, we. We do our best to show skill and perseverance but unless we attack you, you don't even glance at us. Then suddenly you invite us all to a party with food we haven't tasted before. You show us magic tricks, do conversation as if our, my, very life isn't in your hands at every single second we will be in the arena tomorrow. You talk about yourself, party, laugh. You don't think. You do whatever you please. What is it you want ?"

"I don't expect anything of you Alec. You are a free man." The way the lips pursed upon each other. Magnus seemed unfazed toward Alec's inner battle and Alec knew he had lost. He wanted to weep. He wanted to hide.

"I'm not free, I've never been free." Not from his family, not from his duties. Not from the games. They were all trapped. Puppets in a game greater than their mere comprehension. He was nothing, not a victor, nor a man, just a pawn. The restrictions, the oppression. It didn't mean anything. His whole life had been a lie. The proof of it was right there outside of this mansion. Under the form a fountain. Being here with Magnus Bane; fearing for his life; was just another.

"What do you want from me ?" He asked, his voice was detached, aloof. He had lost this battle. He could only resign.

"At this very moment ? Nothing." It made Alec's throat constrict. As if he could never talk again.

"But what do you want from me, Alec ?" Magnus' voice was low and soft. It rumbled in his chest. It made Alec shiver. "When you shot that arrow, what was it that you were trying to say ?"

"I don't know," was the only thing Alec was able to whisper until anything else died in his mouth.

"I think you know exactly what you were trying to say." The sentence made Alec squeeze his eyes shut. The unrest in his heart, his head, it was all raging inside of him. When he looked back at Magnus again he felt his heart crush upon itself. He didn't want to look and yet he couldn't turn his gaze away. Not from the lips, not from the eyes, not from the Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

Set me free

"I can't give you what you want. It is not how I work. It's not how any head gamemaker works. But I can give you something else and you know you want it as much if not more than I do." Magnus didn't move but Alec could feel he wanted to. Or maybe he was just projecting his own desires on the man.

"Do you want me to make the first step ?" Alec's nerves frayed. He was inevitably drawn in by Magnus' eyes. He wanted to say no. He desperately wanted to say yes. He felt his resolve break. With every question asked. With every reply he wasn't giving. He wanted to kiss; touch; smell; caress. He wanted to lose himself. And for this he had to lose his mind. "Is that what you're into ? Someone taking the lead ?"

"I-I don't know." He wanted it all.

"Tell me to stop Alec, and I'll stop. I have no interest in bedding the unwilling."

Alec didn't reply. He didn't say yes and didn't say no. He didn't say stop when Magnus took a step forward. He didn't reject or avoid it when the jewelled hands traced the lapels of his jacket. He didn't waver. He didn't back off. When the smell of sandalwood hit his nostrils he didn't falter. He trembled, shivered, panicked. But he didn't move.

He closed his eyes as he dipped down. Still unsure, still hesitant. His breath mingled itself with another, finally experiencing something he never thought he ever would. A little nudge on the lapels is all it would take.

"Kiss me Alexander."

Magnus' voice was low. It came from deep within. It shook Alec to his core. His stomach bloomed with desire. The warm hands on his jacket were making his brain melt. He was so tense. He couldn't take it. Magnus' eyes were on him while the only thing Alec could look at were the lips right in front of him. There was nothing else in the world but this simple request. He trembled as his hands laid themselves on Magnus' forearms and wrists. The strength; the closeness; and just like this he was lost forever. Despite his doubts, despite his feelings of confusion he leaned in.

The kiss was soft, wet, warm. It was white noise in his ears. It was his heart quivering away. It was his knees almost buckling. It was closing his eyes and letting himself be guided. It was wonderful, liberating. His mind reset to zero, the very existence of time vanished with every movement of their lips. It was releasing and destructive at the same time. He couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop himself from liking it. He couldn't stop himself from giving in. He couldn't stop himself from opening up.

Magnus traced the line of his lips with his tongue. He couldn't stop himself from agreeing, consenting. Alec reinforced his grip on the head gamemaker's arms as the tongue invaded his mouth. It made him moan, lose his footing. His cheeks flushed. His heart raced. His hands didn't have enough. They had to touch, touch more of the man kissing him. He let his hands caress the fabric of Magnus' jacket. They wormed their way toward the head gamemaker's waist. The muscles, the feeling of holding someone close, it made him moan even more. The foreign sound breached his lips. He broke the kiss, unable to physically breathe any longer.

He looked at Magnus' eyes which looked at him from underneath his eyelashes. Alec's breathing was ragged; on edge. It took him mere seconds before going back to it again and again. Magnus' lips were eager, demanding. It awakened in Alec a hunger he didn't know he possessed. Before he knew it he was pushing the head gamemaker against the wall, pressing their bodies together by slipping a leg in between Magnus's, just to be closer. He felt the jewelled fingers roam through in his hair, holding him steadily at the nape of his neck. He sighed again and again.

He knew that the hard line he was feeling against his hip was a sign of arousal. He knew of himself that he was just as hard. The more they kissed the more he was a goner. His body was on fire like there was no tomorrow. Because there might as well be no tomorrow for him. He had died right at the moment he had shot that arrow during his private showing.

Magnus grinded himself against him, a sigh escaped his lips. Alec wanted to touch but didn't know how to ask. He rested his forehead against the other man's, trying to catch back his lost oxygen. He almost didn't dare to open his eyes again. Alec didn't react when he saw the cat eyes vanishing, seeing Magnus' real eye colour for the first time. They were just as beautiful. Alec leaned back down and Magnus disengaged himself from Alec's hold. He was about to speak until he understood what Magnus' plan was. In a sharp sign and another command gesture a door opened.

Scared, but anticipating, Alec just grabbed the man by the jacket or he was the one being grabbed, he didn't recall. One light flickered on with another snap of fingers when they entered the room.

Magnus' lips were on him again, hungrier than before. Alec couldn't follow. Hands were tugging on every piece of clothing on his chest. He shrugged off his jacket and pressed Magnus against a wall. The hands made their way under his T-shirt and touched his chest. Fingernails dug themselves into the flesh of his back. It made Alec whimper as they dragged into a scratching caress. It felt like he was burning up even more. Magnus repeated it and Alec just grinded himself against him, inhaling air through his teeth. Alec's hand rested against Magnus' chest as he let Magnus wreck him. His tongue lapped at the other. He moaned again and again. He was going to pass out. His hands trembled when they made their way downward. He was hesitant but determined when he palmed the other man's erection. Magnus groaned in his mouth, bucking his hips. Alec felt his arousal spike. How was it possible for this to be this exhilarating ? To be so carnal ? He reached for Magnus' belt.

A firm hand was on Alec's wrist in mere seconds. Magnus' eyes were still closed and Alec could tell he was assessing what the tribute was doing. Fingers played with his hair. Alec used both hands to unbuckle the belt. Magnus' breathing was minimal as if he was keeping it in. Alec undid the button, lowered the zipper.

Alec didn't bother trying to avoid what he wanted. He reached for the man's erection, tugging at the waistband of Magnus' underwear to go under it. The hot shaft felt smooth and hard. The hand at the back of his head tugged at his hair locks and he let out a moan at the same time Magnus sighed. Fuck. He didn't have a lot of room to move but he twisted his hand the best he could to grab the erection. Magnus' hips stuttered. Another moan breached his lips. Alec tried to move his hand the best he could. But he soon understood that he had to do something else if he wanted to have more of this.

Magnus opened his eyes again. The cat eyes were staring back at Alec's face. He saw the man's mouth part open, his eyebrows rising, as Alec went on his knees.

Of course he didn't know what he was doing. Of course he didn't know if it was a good idea. But it was what he wanted, right here and right now. His hands grabbed Magnus' underwear. There was something even more arousing at the way the erection just sprung free. He had seen plenty of men naked in the showers at the institute. But this was different. So damn different. Now he could really take a look, touch, feel. The smell of it was amazing. Alec couldn't help but lick his lips. He let his hands wander over the still clothed thighs. The muscles were hard and tense. It reminded Alec of how fucking hard he was himself. He leaned his head forward and heard Magnus gasp as he nuzzled his nose against the patch of hair next to the warm shaft. The hand on his shoulder squeezed him. A grunt passed Magnus' lips.

He laid kisses there softly, gently, not sure if this was the right way to do it. He gently took hold of Magnus' balls, letting them roll in his hands. The skin felt just as soft. He kissed them and Magnus inhaled sharply. Encouraged, Alec continued. He felt the goosebumps forming at the back of his neck as he dared to dart his tongue past his lips.

Magnus grunted. He laid a hand on Alec's head. The fingers were digging deep into the hairs of his scalp. The mere gesture made Alec moan. He needed more. Wanted more. He let his tongue roam and he decided to take the erection in his hand at the root. The smell of him was out of this world.

The first lick was experimental. He wasn't sure how it would taste. He wasn't sure if it was going to be something he enjoyed. But he did. The grasp on his hairs tightened. He flattened his tongue to lick the underside of Magnus' cock. The audible sigh from the head gamemaker's lips was lustful and incredibly arousing. He shifted himself on his knees to be more balanced. The steady hand on his scalp reassured him in ways he wouldn't have guessed it could. He slid back the foreskin and Magnus groaned when Alec put his lips around the head. There was even the slightest thrust of hips. He let his tongue explore, let his lips move. It was so good. The sharp carnal taste of it. Magnus seemed the most responsive when he licked slightly more on the right underside of his cock. So he concentrated on that side. The fingers in his hair were starting to twist themselves around his locks more and more.

"Are you going take it deeper Alexander ?" Magnus' voice was unstable, gruff and low. Alec only replied with a moan. He was completely up for it. Whatever it meant. He wanted it, anticipated it, looked forward to it.

Magnus' other hand joined his on the shaft to lock his hand in place. It squeezed Alec's fingers, reinforced his grip on the cock. "Relax your mouth." Magnus murmured.

The weight in his mouth was intoxicating as the shaft just slid inside of it. Alec felt himself just getting dizzier. Magnus was holding his head steadily and it felt amazing. The gasp he exhaled just made Alec hungrier, starving. He wanted to hear that again. He felt his own arousal trapped in his trousers. It was straining. He let his lips slide back up. He wasn't sure how to use his tongue but he made sure that he did again what he just had been shown. He felt the cock twitch in his mouth. He tried to pick up a pace, to slide down and back up. Magnus' thrust of hips met his lips almost every time. The hand on the shaft prevented Alec from going too deep. Sometimes the head gamemaker tugged at his hair. It made Alec groan. Every time he did, Magnus' thrust was slightly harder or deeper.

"You like that ?" The grip on his hairs reinforced itself and Alec felt like he was seeing stars; it prickled him. He rocked his hips slightly, trying to find some friction, any friction. He whimpered more loudly than ever. His lips were straining, swollen. He had a hard time breathing but he didn't want to stop. "You like it."

Magnus' voice was like hot liquid poured over him. It made him shiver. "Do you want me to hurt you more ?" Magnus slid out of his mouth. Alec's breathing was ragged. He was so out of breath. He nuzzled the patch of hair again. The shaft was so wet against his cheeks. "Alexander, I'd like an answer."

He closed his eyes, inhaling the smell. The sweat intermixed with sandalwood, the warmth of Magnus' cock: It was wonderful. He nodded, slightly. He had liked the feeling of his hair being tugged hard. He had liked the nails digging into his back.

Magnus shifted his stance against the wall. The pressure of the shoe against his trapped erection made Alec almost sob in relief. He unconsciously thrusted against it, especially when Magnus traced it. He hadn't expect it to be so good. He laid his forehead against Magnus' pelvis. He wanted more of that friction, more of that movement against him. He wanted his erection to be free. He placed his hands against Magnus' thighs as if to ground himself. The heel pressed harder, it hurt and he whimpered. But he rocked his hips regardless. It felt incredibly good. Magnus tugged his hair.

Alec looked up and their eyes locked. A flush was spread across the head gamemaker's cheeks. Alec felt proud. This was his doing. Magnus guided his cock back into Alec's mouth. It felt so hard and wet. Alec moaned around it. He would remember this. Forever. Magnus' thrust of hips was more careful this time; it was mostly Alec sliding his lips or teasing the head, which made Magnus back his head against the wall. The sounds Magnus was providing were exquisite. Alec moved against Magnus' shoe which upper side was now moving against his testicles. He moaned again when Magnus pressed the heel between them. Yes it hurt. But it felt good. So unbelievably good. He laid a hand around Magnus' ankle, indicating he could press even harder. Magnus did and Alec felt it to the point of breaking.

He let the erection in his mouth slide out of his mouth. His jaw ached and the strain on his lips was burning. He needed a break to breathe. His knees were starting to feel really numb. Magnus' took himself in hand and Alec was captivated by the movement. The sliding of the foreskin over the glans was divine to look at. Magnus' moans were the only thing echoing in his ears. The pace was faster than what he had been able to accomplish with his mouth. It was so erotic, seeing such a beautiful man so undone.

"Do you want me to finish in your mouth ?" The question was ragged, rough, needy. Alec opened his mouth, let his tongue lol out of his mouth and looked up. The grunt Magnus let out made Alec's cock twitch. The grip on his hair was visceral. He winced but Magnus didn't let go. The movement of masturbation was faster and Magnus stood on his two feet to keep himself balanced. He pushed Alec down on his cock. He kept his fingers right under the head. Alec wasn't sure if he heard swearing. Alec licked the slit eagerly and Magnus' hips jerked up to him.

He wasn't prepared for the flood of semen hitting his palate. He steadied himself getting his cheeks to catch what he could. He swallowed what he could; the taste was sharp and intense. It almost felt endless and it tasted so differently than him.

Magnus' grip relaxed and he sagged a bit against the wall. Alec still licked at the gradually softening shaft. Magnus twitched every single time he did it. He nuzzled Magnus' underbelly one more time, taking in the scent before standing up. His legs cried in relief. He kissed Magnus eagerly. His hands grabbed at the buttons of the black shirt. He wanted to feel more of Magnus. He wanted his hands on him. He wanted his own release. Magnus' kiss was slower but followed Alec's pace. Their tongues caressed each other, touched each other, licked at each other. It felt just as good.

He took the lapels of Magnus' jacket and guided the man toward the bed he had noticed when they had entered. Magnus helped him to take off his T-shirt. Alec had only one goal in mind. He wanted to touch more of the head gamemaker's skin. Magnus took off his shirt and jacket while Alec unbuckled his belt and shoved his pants down to then undo his shoes. Magnus just had time to do the same until Alec pushed him on the bed to straddle him.

The touch of skin to skin was warm and flushing. Alec groaned as he rubbed his crotch against Magnus' thigh. He had never been so aroused in his life and everything felt more sensitive. He kissed Magnus' jawline and neck. Nails dug into Alec's back again. Alec's breathing felt so shredded and he moaned as Magnus scratched him slowly, torturously. The brown eyes, which had been back for a while, looked at Alec so clouded and dilated; the tribute captured their lips together. Just the hint of tongue was given. Alec linked their foreheads. The feeling of having a man underneath him was everything he would ever live for at this moment. He guided Magnus' hand on him. Alec closed his eyes.

He wasn't going to last long. He felt it. Being touched like this for the first time ever ? It was murderous. Magnus' grip was steady and Alec helped him to find the right rhythm. He almost cried in relief. He chased the movement of their hands. He was desperate. His orgasm had built itself up so intensely he wondered if he would even reach it. But Magnus seemed to know what he was doing. He even stopped to spit in his hand. Alec almost grunted in discontent until he felt what the extra slick was doing to him. He went faster, squeezing where he liked it. Magnus let his hand then wander toward his balls and Alec felt like he was losing it. It was so warm and sensitive. Fuck. Magnus caressed the nape of his neck and breathed just as irregularly. He was even moaning.

The sound was driving Alec mad. He felt himself tighten. He just used his forefinger and thumb. His muscles were so tense. He thrusted his hips so erratically he knew he was going to come. And when he did, wordlessly, his whole body shook. His whole being crashed. He let himself ejaculate all over the man underneath him.

He swallowed, his voice and throat were sore. He was gasping for air as if he hadn't breathed this whole time. He couldn't take his own weight anymore and let himself rest limply on top of the other man. He wondered if he had passed out because of the few seconds, or were they minutes ?, it took him to be aware of his surroundings again. He stirred against Magnus.

The head gamemaker then made a display of dexterity and strength that Alec hadn't anticipated; He flipped them over. Alec looked inquisitively but right when he was about to talk Magnus locked their lips together. It was sensuous. Slow. It was so tender Alec felt himself melt. He lost sense of time again. The warmth of their bodies brought him so much comfort and peace. He breathed the best he could through his nose; he caressed the nape of Magnus' neck; he felt so satisfied and content. It was everything he had ever wished for.

When Magnus put an end to their kiss Alec didn't even feel disappointed. "I'm going to get something to freshen us up."

Alec nodded and Magnus got up. They were still sticky. Yeah. They really needed to freshen up. Alec sighed, feeling more relaxed than he had ever felt. He looked up at the mirror on the four poster bed's ceiling. His stare looked back at him and he almost didn't recognise himself. His hair was a mess and his naked body wasn't something he was used to looking at. The man that was staring back at him was a stranger. Alec was just a lone figure in this giant bed. He wasn't sure if he liked the imagery of it. Besides, what amount of vanity did Magnus Bane possess to have a mirror on the ceiling of his bed ? Probably a great amount. He let his hands wander on the golden sheets. They felt like cool water. He closed his eyes. The softness felt strange against his callused hands. He grasped at the silk. It felt pleasant. He started to drift off little by little but he didn't allow himself. He could lose himself in this and Magnus could come back at any given time.

His eyes sprung back open when suddenly he felt a dip on the bed. It was moving but it didn't feel like a human body. Alec sat up. The cat stared back at him, all of a sudden very skittish. Its smooth hairs were short and healthy. The complete opposite of Church, the institute's cat back in district 2. It looked like the animal was scared of him. Alec extended his hand. But the cat didn't approach it.

"I see you have met Chairman Meow," said Magnus. Alec looked back up at Magnus. He had slipped on a blue robe and was holding pieces of cloth in his hand. His hair was dishevelled. It looked nowhere near as graceful as it had been in the beginning of the evening. His yellow slitted eyes were back.

"It's better if you let him come to you, he doesn't like eye contact much. Especially with strangers." He pointed his chin toward the cat. Alec retracted his hand. Magnus made his way to the bed. The cloth was wet. Alec proceeded to clean himself up. He blushed as he realised that Magnus had no intention of looking away. He gave back the towels and the head gamemaker proceeded to just throw them around somewhere in the room.

There was something strange between them. Even when Magnus sat down next to him to kiss him. Something fluttered in Alec's stomach. He tensed up a little the more the kiss lingered; the more Magnus' hand crept up to his jaw and caressed his cheek with his thumb. The gesture was too soft, too domestic. Something that wasn't yet was supposed to have its place. Alec broke the kiss when he then suddenly felt the cat approaching. "I think he likes you," said Magnus.

There was a head-butt against his elbow and Alec caressed the fur of the animal. It definitely felt different than Church. "I've got to get back."

Magnus' face was unreadable. There was no reaction. Alec wondered what was crossing through the head gamemaker's mind. Whatever the man was thinking, he snapped out of it when Alec stirred to get up. "Ah yes, yes of course."

Alec wasn't sure what he heard in the head gamemaker's voice. It almost sounded like regret or disappointment. Alec mechanically tried to find back his clothes. He didn't know what else to say. He wanted to get out of here. He dressed rather quickly. Military training of surprise morning drills had after all been his morning routines for most of his life. He put on his jacket last. He made his way to where the door was supposed to be.

"Wait !" Magnus got up from the bed. Alec felt himself tense up. He didn't want to talk any more than necessary. Magnus stood next to him at a respectable distance; Alec did brace himself however when he felt the hand of the head gamemaker on the lapel of his jacket, rearranging it. He wasn't scared or repulsed. He just felt incredibly awkward. He wasn't supposed to be here. Alec looked anywhere but at the other man's face. He noticed the many necklaces around Magnus' collarbone and blushed at the memory on how they had scraped against his skin when he was thrusting up Magnus' hand.

"There you go," the fingers lingered just a second too long. "I'll open the door for you." Magnus turned himself toward the panel of the door. It slid open and Alec couldn't wait to get out of here. He muttered a 'good night' or 'evening' and exited Magnus' bedroom.

"Likewise." Magnus' voice was more cheery this time and the door slid back shut behind Alec.

Just like that he was now all alone in the corridor. Alec couldn't look up or anywhere. He wasn't sure if everything that had transpired had even been real. The touches, the caresses, the kissing. He felt exhausted, sore in his knees. He had to keep his mind cool. Even if strains of anxiety were threatening to emerge. Walking felt good. One step after the other. This was something he knew how to do. Even if his legs felt weak. He didn't feel shame per se but he did feel like he had just transgressed an unwritten rule. He took his first turn around the corner.

He wouldn't have guessed his evening ending like this. What time was it even ? He stopped in his tracks. His body ached, his heart was heavy. But there was something. Something that made his shoulders relax and the weight of the world felt a bit lighter at this realisation. He didn't regret it. Not one bit. Even if he blushed. Even if he didn't feel comfortable. Even if he hadn't fully grasped what had happened. Touching, licking, holding, having sex ? It had felt good. A smile appeared on his lips. No, he didn't regret this one bit.

Caught in his reverie he didn't see the hand coming. Suddenly he was torn away from memories by a hand on his shirt. He looked quizzically at Hodge who looked at him with anger.

"Where have you been ?" Alec could hear how much his mentor was trying to keep his voice down.

"Around." A flush crept up his neck. He averted his eyes toward the window sills that gave an outside view of the garden. "Talking with some sponsors," he lied.

"Don't play this shit with me Alec." Alec pressed his lips together. Any feeling of comfort fleeted away as he locked eyes with his mentor. Hodge looked furious and even disgusted. "You reek of him." Hodge sniffed to illustrate his point and let go of Alec's jacket.

"I-" Alec let the sentence die in his mouth. Now he felt shame. Irrevocable and deep shame to have been caught red-handed. He felt his fingers tremble he hid them behind his back. He didn't want to let this get the better of him. He was ready to take responsibilities for his mistakes.

"There is no 'I', get to the fucking car and leave. Shower, go straight to bed, and don't talk to anyone. You hear me. Not Lydia, not Catarina and certainly not Ragnor if he were to choose to come back to the training centre tonight." Hodge pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was having a headache.

"Is everybody already home ?" He asked. The way Hodge was glaring at him was enough of a reply. "I've been delaying the search for you the best I could." The sound of Hodge's AR resonated. Hodge picked up. The holographic face of a peacekeeper displayed itself with a blue luminescent light.

"I trust you have found Mr. Lightwood, Mr. Starkweather ?" Hodge smiled sluggishly.

"Yes I have ma'am, the boy got lost," Alec noticed that Hodge tried to look as relaxed as he could. It could have fooled him if he hadn't known his mentor since he was eleven years old. "I have always said that we should put trackers inside of them when they enter Alicante for the first time. It would really make our jobs easier." Alec pursed his lips; he understood what kind of predicament he had put Hodge in so he kept his mouth shut.

"Your suggestion has been noted, Mr. Starkweather. I'm sending a unit to escort your tribute out of here." Hodge nodded and the peacekeeper signed out.

"I'm sorry," said Alec. He didn't like to be a bother and this was really not good for the both of them. Hodge sighed, suddenly looking really tired. "Just go home, Alec and do as I said to do: Try to be as invisible as possible."

Alec nodded. They waited for the peacekeeper unit in silence. When his escort came Alec bowed his head and made his way outside. He couldn't guess what time it was, except that he had almost exceeded curfew. When the door of the driverless car closed he felt his heart clench. His foolish decisions may as well as cost him his life. So when he got escorted back to his floor in the training centre he did just as he was told. He showered and got to bed. Everybody seemed asleep already.

When he slid in between his bedsheets he couldn't help but compare how much rougher they felt than what had laid on Magnus' bed. He touched his lips, remembering how the movements of lips came to be against his own. He still didn't regret it. He still felt like there was something he wasn't quite catching or understanding. He did understand however how relaxed and confident he felt. He felt like the happiest he had ever been in his life. With those thoughts he slowly let himself drift off to sleep. The thoughts of cat eyes and caresses rocked him to oblivion while he couldn't keep a smile off his face.

Tomorrow was the day, tomorrow he would finally start bringing glory back to his family again.