Chapter #2: Old Tricks

Ant's missus is green with envy towards Gene Hunt for some reason, but realises it is linked to an ancient elderly hooker who is old enough to be his new boss Gene's mother. The ageing woman also had an affair with a now washed up 70s television star.

"That Beth Goddard, she was the nauseating woman who lived near from wotsername and old enough to be your new boss's mother for God's sake!"

"Yeah, I know me and DCI Gene Hunt remember raiding the premises of the Cresent Moon dating agency when we found young kids and single women were domestically abused by some of her men. An ancient, elderly hooker who lived upstairs in a rough council flat." said DS Anstead answering "I know you think I have a man crush on my own boss. His acne scarred face only adds to the allure...and the accent."

"Mrs. Goddard's probably now in her late 60s or early 70s, I used to see her at toddlers thing and I could never work out why someone of that life stage was still parenting babies and toddlers; it is selfish and those poor now teenage girls are saddled with a mother clearly old enough to be their grandma who is 30 or 40 odd years way overdue for having children." replied Mrs. Anstead.

"Yes darling, it's a sad state of affairs sweetheart, catch you later."

"Oh I think I remember something else about old Beth Goddard that might help with your boss's case, she once had an affair with The Sweeney star Dennis Waterman in 1983 during filming of a series 4 episode of Minder. Speechless. I hope nobody ever hires him and that ancient elderly ex hooker again after I read a quotation of him saying clever women make men lash out in the Mirror newspaper."

Detective Sargeant Anthony Anstead's missus was so cross about the Beth Goddard connection.

"I must have been quite young but I still realised what a pair of twats they were. Beth saying how they wanted to adopt because they were too busy to bother with pregnancy until she had two late in life kids out of the blue in 2002 and 2005; they wanted a boy."

DS Anthony Anstead unearths something else on Dennis Waterman and Beth Goddard "...and that was even before the years of booze and cigarettes will have decimated their performances." as he knew Julia was no contact with them as a grown up being Hannah's much younger sister who doesn't buy into the dysfunctional dynamics of her so-called celebrity family.

"The sad old twats have stitched themselves up completely - no more than they deserve!" replied the Guv over his gold Samsung Galaxy smartphone answering to his new colleague "bet he still believes he really is a no nonsense, tough, maverick copper even though I remember him being in that New Tricks, god he was old; if the saying of 'never meet your childhood heroes' is true, then this is one of the moments Ant my dude."

"This is not the first time I have seen him interviewed. Its not the first time I have seen him spout bollocks and the 'lovable scamp holding his hands up to being a naughty boy' act doesn't wash with me." answered DS Anthony Anstead "but is alcoholism the only possible reason for his shaking hands? I was thinking maybe he had early Parkinsons. He did say he was a boxer in his youth.."

"Possibly, Ant, I never got the way he was portrayed as a hearthrob when he was young. He was always a scrawny, ugly git with bad any woman especially that ancient B Goddard harpy really fancy him?" asked DCI Gene Hunt whom is working on a domestic violence enquiry into Beth Goddard's men especially as the latter had an affair with a now ageing 70s police detective show star.

"He's a really unpleasant bloke. I suspect that the reason his career hasn't really flourished as it should have done, given its beginnings, is because nobody really likes him. He comes across as a nasty bastard, someone you should avoid. I love the classic Little Britain's portrayal of him."

"Dennis Waterman (as well as being a mysogynistic arsehole) is not a patch on lovely but cool actors like Phil Glenister anyway. I reckon actors like Phil are going to be getting even more work than they are already cos I think Waterman's career is well and truly fucked." replied DCI Gene Hunt laughing loudly at Anstead's joke about hand creams.

"Maybe Dennis should start doing adverts for hand cream. He must need to use a lot of it what with his knuckles dragging on the ground. What an arsehole." the 39 or 40 year old man suggests as he prints out everything on him and Mrs. Goddard including police records, media articles, photographs from past and present; plus video footage as today's 21st Century modern technology might help the two CID policemen make something stick, even if it's historical.

"When was the last time Dennis Waterman and Beth Goddard worked this much? when was the last time they were also on the cinema screen?" asked the Guv, Gene Hunt "He also blames the alcohol several times. I failed to read any real sense of remorse from Waterman. It was more a case of "Oh shit, I've been rumbled." He lied his way throughout the recorded interviews, e.g. conveniently forgetting he'd punched her, which makes me dispute his version of events... I think he may have an early form of dementia, but I can't say if that's for sure without the evidence or testamonies; especially as some took place years ago in his 70s-80s stardom when I was just a kid and then a teenager."

"Speaking to another colleague back at the factory about this today and he said wormy old Waterman was always lashed up in a pub round the corner from here." replied DS Anthony Anstead who has dropped his kids off back at his wife's "Anyway I'll smell you later boss, see ya for now."

DCI Gene Hunt and DS Anthony Anstead during enquiries are discussing a washed-up 70's tv star who earnt ridiculous money from being an average actor and singing on cringe-worthy soundtracks, who now has the audacity to court publicity to further fuel his shrinking ego, his relationship with a now also elderly ex hooker and domestic violence towards women.