Note: I know I said chaos was going to start after chapter 6, but we needed to address that argument before Janet's siblings come to town and take up more of her time. So enjoy (or be mad at Jack and/or Janet and/or Terri) and uh happy early Valentine's Day.
Chapter 7: Maybe If Everyone Told the Truth There Would Be Less Miscommunication
It had been two days since Janet's parents had come to town and just over two days since her argument with Jack. Two days of awkward glances and her parents' ever constant presence looming over the apartment.
Currently, Janet was camped out on the couch, watching an old movie with the volume turned down so as not to disturb her sleeping parents. Terri had just left for the night shift and would be back in the morning. Jack was at work and Janet supposed he'd be back soon.
She stared listlessly at the TV screen. Realistically, she knew that Jack just hadn't had the time to speak to her in private. He had the restaurant to tend to all day and she had her own job, and parents whose company she had to keep, and a whole damn wedding to plan. It was a miracle they'd had the time to share those uncomfortable fleeting glances.
At this point she was just restless to get this apology over with. She hated sitting with it because it made her think more and more about all the possible explanations as to why he had said that stuff, about why he had been so gloomy, and so unlike himself. And now she was letting herself give in to those wild fantasies where maybe, just maybe, Jack was acting like an idiot because he had feelings for her and didn't want her to get married to Phillip.
It was ridiculous to even entertain the idea, especially since she was attached to someone else, but why else would he be acting the way he had since she got engaged?
In the brief moments of downtime she had over the last two days, Janet had been obsessing over what all of this meant. The rational part of her told her it was crazy and that she was only setting herself up to be let down. But then the hopeful side's only response was, 'Why not?'. Was it so crazy that maybe Jack felt that way? Sure, it wasn't great timing… but did that matter to her? Isn't this what she secretly always wanted?
There was a small part of her that felt bad that she was doing all of this thinking about Jack. Phillip barely crossed her mind when she wasn't directly working on wedding planning.
She ran a hand through her hair. She needed to stop the pondering. Actually, she really needed to talk to Jack. She needed to know what was really up with him before she kept going on like this.
...
Jack returned home late that night to find Janet asleep on the couch. He tiptoed over to her but stopped when he noticed some papers sprawled out on the coffee table, some with Janet's familiar handwriting and others with what had to be her mother's. The writings were clearly plans for the wedding. There seemed to be some kind of color code going on, arrows pointing every which way, and quite a few things were scratched out.
He wished things could be like this all the time. Him coming home from work to find Janet asleep on the couch instead of watching whatever movie was playing on the TV. If it had been just a week ago, he would've woken her up and teased her about falling asleep and she'd insist that she was still paying attention to the movie; she was just resting her eyes! Then they'd watch the rest of the movie and try to piece together what was going on if it was something neither of them had seen before.
But things were never going to be like they were before Janet got engaged, for better or worse, and that was ultimately up to him…
The voices on the TV rose for a few moments, waking Janet from her accidental nap. She looked around confused before her eyes settled on Jack.
"Hey." He said softly, though he kept his distance, knowing he wasn't in the clear yet.
"Hi." Janet moved to sit upright, surprised that she'd managed to doze off. "How was work?"
"Oh, work was fine." Jack answered. "Made some food and people ate it. The usual."
Janet nodded politely.
The silence was awkward and so unlike them. Usually they had a million things they could talk about. But Janet was sitting sleepily and redirected her gaze to the TV screen, waiting for Jack to begin his apology.
He didn't catch on. "Terri at work?"
Janet nodded again.
"Your mom and dad asleep?"
"Uh huh."
"Ah."
It took him another second to realize he was actually alone with Janet. Not totally alone of course. Her parents were sleeping in the other room, but this was the closest thing to having any privacy with Janet since that disaster at the garden the other day.
His heart began to pound in his ears. "Janet?"
"Hmm?"
"Can we uh… can we talk?"
'Oh, god. This is it.' Janet's stomach swooped. "Sure." She was glad her voice sounded casual and didn't give away her instant nerves.
Jack's eyes flickered to his bedroom door. "Could we talk outside?" He noticed her raised eyebrows. "It's kind of important. Besides I don't want to wake your parents." 'Or have them eavesdropping', he added internally.
This really was it. She nodded her head once again and stood up to follow him out the front door.
Not much talking happened after the two had stepped out onto their small balcony. The night air was charged with something. Jack sensed anticipation, or an anxiousness, but maybe it was just him. He vaguely registered that Janet's watching eyes were wide and expectant.
"Janet." He finally said with significance.
"Jack." She returned in a small voice.
He gulped at the air like he was running out of it. "Janet. I- I am so sorry about that stuff I said the other day."
Janet didn't say anything in return, too focused on what might come next.
Her lack of reply only heightened Jack's nervous state. He had no idea what was going through her mind, but her face was so intense.
"That stuff I said… it was stupid. It was mean. Cruel."
"It sure was."
"I don't know what I was thinking. Actually, you know what? I wasn't thinking at all. I had no right to say those things to you like that." Jack said in earnest. "I really am sorry, Janet."
"Yeah?" Her voice was still so small and that scared him.
"Of course I am!" He watched her face anxiously. She was so quiet, and still standing there looking at him as though she was waiting for something else.
"Come on, Janet. Don't make me beg for your forgiveness." He was half joking, half desperate. "I'll get on my hands and knees!"
He swore he saw her mouth twitch, which was more than enough to convince him to drop down to the ground. "Please, Janet. Please! I am begging you! Please forgive me! I am so so sorry." He said with a dramatic flair and total honesty.
Janet smiled reluctantly. "Get up, Jack."
He quickly obliged and when he stood up he was much closer to her than before. Up close he could see in her eyes that something still wasn't right, like this wasn't enough. "I really am so sorry, Janet." His eyes bore into hers. "I…" He remembered Terri's words of advice from the other night. "I didn't mean it. I was just being stupid."
Jack's heart sank as he registered the expectant look in Janet's eyes change to hurt, her second smile only reached her lips.
"You didn't?" She finally whispered.
"I didn't, I swear!" Jack answered immediately, hoping the confirmation would change Janet's mood.
"Oh."
She had to get back inside. She had to get away from him before she did something stupid like cry. Janet averted her gaze away from Jack's face, she couldn't look at him.
That 'Oh' and the pause after was unbearable for Jack. "Janet, please say something else. Yell at me. Tell me I'm an idiot. I deserve it." If this was like any of their other silly arguments, Janet would've been doing all of those things and they'd clear the air shortly after. But as Janet's eyes avoided Jack's pleading face, he had to remind himself this wasn't just another stupid quarrel between roommates.
"No, it's okay." Janet said quietly.
"No, it's not." Jack stated the obvious. "What else do you want me to say? I'll say it." He grabbed one of her hands. "I'm sorry." He apologized again, but he didn't know how else to get that message through to her.
Janet looked at their clasped hands. "You don't have to say anything you don't mean, Jack."
"I do mean it though. I'm sorry, Janet." His voice was strained with desperation.
He just didn't get it. She'd laugh at how oblivious he was if she wasn't the one enduring it.
"I know, Jack. It's okay." She repeated.
"No. No, it's not. Janet, I know you. You're still upset, I can tell. What do you want?" Jack asked urgently. This wasn't going the way he imagined at all. This was supposed to be the easy part...
'What do you want?' That question rang in her ears, taunting her. "I don't want anything, Jack. It's okay." She stressed the last part, anxious to get away from him, and not sure how much longer she could last standing so close to him while he tread all over her stupid fantasy.
"Janet…"
"Look, I'm real tired, Jack. Jenny and Josh are flying in tomorrow and I have a million things to do."
"But-"
"It's fine!" She snapped. "Don't worry about it. I know you didn't mean any of it. Let's just move past it, okay? You don't have to keep apologizing. I heard you loud and clear." She said it with such a finality that Jack didn't try to interject. "Goodnight, Jack." Janet pulled her hand away from his and turned to go back inside, leaving Jack alone.
Back inside, Janet bent over the coffee table to gather the notes she and her parents had been working on during her lunch break. She dragged her feet over to the TV to turn it off, no longer in the mood for the movie. She picked up her pace to make it to the privacy of her bedroom before Jack came back in.
That was exactly why she shouldn't have gotten her hopes up. She felt like such a fool. Now here she was upset about not hearing something she knew realistically wasn't going to be said in the first place.
'You knew this. You know this. You're just friends. You've always just been friends!' She scolded herself, but still she dropped down dejectedly onto her bed.
It was so stupid to get her hopes up like that when she had no proof in the first place. She never had any real proof that Jack felt something for her and she still let herself actually consider it as a possibility? Of course Jack's behavior over the last few days was just him being stupid. Of course that was the explanation. He was stupid. She knew this about him. But maybe she was even more stupid than he was for thinking he had the capacity to have a better reason. That was her mistake. She was letting her feelings cloud her judgement, hell, she was letting them cloud reality.
She tossed her stack of plans on the floor beside her bed and cursed Jack for being the way he was and for waiting so long to apologize. If he had just told her he was sorry a few days ago instead of leaving her up to her own devices to dream up an excuse for him...
Janet allowed herself to stew for a few moments before she sat up, already having to remind herself to avoid the cloudy judgement. Why was she so mad at Jack? What had he done besides apologize profusely? He didn't have a clue that she was expecting him to profess his love for her. He'd just done the right thing and owned up to his childish behavior, a little late but they had been so busy.
She was still upset though.
She wasn't even upset about what happened at the garden anymore. She was upset with herself. She let herself get her hopes up. Again. And for what exactly? She was getting married to Phillip. She had a perfectly good thing going and she was hoping her roommate would ask her to call the whole thing off to be with him? It was like some stupid rom-com movie.
If anything, she should be relieved! Not disappointed! Not upset! Relieved, because this meant she was making the right decision by moving on, marrying Phillip, and getting away from here. Jack's mere presence made her question everything these days.
She had to go through with this. She had to move on. This was getting ridiculous. She actually thought Jack might've been on the brink of some kind of breakthrough, but he was just being a jerk. What else was new?
Janet shook her head at herself. She was doing the right thing. Marrying Phillip was the right thing to do. He was a nice guy and she didn't feel the need to analyze his every feeling and action to figure out how it related to her. This was the right thing to do. Jack wasn't in love with her. She had to stop holding out the hope that he ever would be. She could do that.
...Her heart still felt heavy though. And she couldn't lie to herself and say that Jack's lack of confession wasn't a big blow. She'd just have to get over it, it was possible. It was just going to be so hard.
Jack stepped back into the apartment and noticed that Janet had cleared away her things from his sleeping area. He dropped himself onto the couch.
He should have followed her in. He should've kept the conversation going. He should've used that moment to tell her. Actually, he should have apologized at the garden instead of waiting days to do so. He could've made the time, but he hadn't.
Maybe he waited too long and now whatever he said was too little, too late in Janet's mind.
Was what he said really that bad though? Was it enough to strain their relationship- their friendship? Had he ruined things for good? Could he not even be friends without things being weird between them forever? He hadn't even gotten to the point of telling her how he felt about her.
Jack could feel himself panicking and wishing he had someone he could talk through this with. But that person was usually Janet, and Janet was in her room, and her parents' presence didn't help anything. Terri wouldn't be back for hours, but what was she going to say that could help him now? It was Terri's advice that had gotten him into this situation, her stupid advice! What did she know about any of his? What did any of them know? None of them were exactly pros at having successful relationships. Why had he given Terri any authority on the matter? Had he made any progress using her advice? Maybe he was better off doing this on his own. But that meant he had no one to blame his mistakes on other than himself.
...
Terri returned home just before sunrise the next morning to find Jack sitting up on the couch, looking to still be dressed in the clothes he wore at work the day before.
"Hey." She spoke quietly so as not to wake up the rest of the people in the apartment. "What are you doing awake so early?"
"Didn't sleep." Jack answered somberly. He was staring at the TV, which was turned down so low, Terri wasn't sure how he could hear it.
"Why not?"
"I apologized to Janet last night."
"Oh!" Terri replied before walking towards the couch. She noted how defeated he looked. "What happened?"
Jack rubbed his hands over his tired face. "I told her I didn't mean what I said and she said that it was okay."
Terri looked puzzled. "I don't understand. What else did she say?"
"She said not to worry about it. I apologized and she said it was alright. That's it."
"Then why do you look like someone just died?"
"Because." Jack said sorrowfully. "Because you should've been there when she said it was okay. I don't think she really forgave me."
"But she said it was alright, didn't she?"
"Yeah but… saying it and actually doing it are two different things." Jack sounded like he'd been thinking over that fact all night. "I can't believe I listened to you and said I didn't mean any of it. I- I should've just been upfront and told her I said that crap because of how I feel. Now she just thinks I'm an insensitive jerk."
"Oh…" Terri suddenly felt very guilty. Her totally unthinking advice she'd given him had put Jack worse off than he had been before. "Jack, I'm sorry."
"No, You were right before. None of this would be happening if I just told her but- but I think she really loves Phillip. I think my comments hurt her more than I thought at first. It's- it's too late for me."
"Jack." Terri started. "I think you're being a little hasty about this."
"No, I'm just being realistic, for once."
"So you're just throwing in the towel?"
Jack sighed. "I've gotta stop chasing a dream that's not meant to be. She wants something else- someone else." He stood up. "I'm gonna get started on breakfast. Everyone will be waking up soon."
Terri was left standing in the living room dumbfounded. She wanted to shake him by the shoulders and tell him he needed to try way harder. Janet wasn't going to crack that easily. God, if only she could just tell him that Janet was definitely just as stupidly in love with him as he was with her.
She tossed her purse and hat onto the couch and marched into the kitchen.
"Jack."
"Hmm?"
"I think you're being ridiculous."
He made no reply. He was posted at the refrigerator, looking at its contents to figure out what to make for breakfast for the full house.
"You give up way too easily. I thought you said you were in love with Janet."
"I am." Jack sulked, pulling out a carton of eggs.
"Then what's your problem?" He looked hurt by her harsh tone. "Don't give me that kicked puppy look. You know that only works on Janet."
Jack actually nodded his head pathetically in response which made Terri want to pull her hair out. How he couldn't see that Janet was crazy about him was unbelievable.
"Answer my question."
Jack set the eggs down on the table with careful deliberation and kept his gaze away from Terri's prying eyes. "My problem is that what if she doesn't love me?"
She had to force herself to hold in an 'oh, please." since Jack looked to genuinely believe this fear was true.
"You don't know that." She stated in a quieter voice, remembering the rest of the house was still asleep.
The lump that was forming in his throat made it hard for Jack to swallow. "You weren't there last night. You didn't hear her voice. You didn't see her face. You didn't see her eyes."
This was true. She hadn't been there and she had no idea what the hell happened between her roommates that wasn't said, but this was just insane. "I still think you're overreacting."
Jack tried to make his shrug look indifferent.
There was another pause and Jack started cracking eggs into a bowl to be whisked and Terri gathered the strength to talk some sense into him.
"Did she tell you she doesn't love you?"
"What?"
"You heard me. Did she say those words?"
Jack looked up at the ceiling. "No, but-"
"Then why are you so certain that she doesn't?"
He hesitated. "Because I- I don't know, I just know it. Why else would she still be mad even after I apologized? She's… she's probably hurt on behalf of her and Phillip as a couple."
"That is so corny."
Jack brushed off the unhelpful comment. "I kind of insulted their relationship, I guess." He explained his thought process over his sleepless night. "She must actually love him. That's why it doesn't feel like things are okay."
Terri hardly believed that was the case. This had to be a classic case of Janet being stubborn or something.
"I think you should talk to her again and be more honest. Just lay everything out on the table. Don't leave anything out this time."
"How many times am I gonna have to talk to Janet for you to be satisfied?" Jack asked annoyed at this repeated advice from the blonde.
"Until everyone who lives here is on the same page about your feelings for Janet."
"I don't know, Terri… I think she really wants to marry Phillip. I really don't think she feels the same way about me."
"Look, you're never gonna know unless you put yourself out there. And-" She hesitated. She wanted so badly to tell him how easy it would be for him considering how she suspected Janet felt for him. The only thing holding her back was her respect for Janet, so she wouldn't speak on her behalf. "You know, I've only been living here for a few years but… you and Janet have a very special bond, so… who knows! Maybe if she knew there was another option she wouldn't be so fussed about marrying a guy she's known for a month."
Jack perked up the tiniest bit hearing it from that perspective. "You really think so?"
"Would I be wasting my time trying to help you if I didn't? My life doesn't revolve around you and Janet. I've got other things to do." She suppressed a yawn. "Like sleep."
"Yeah, some help you've been." Jack muttered.
"I said I was sorry." Terri put her hands up. "I'll do my best to not give bad advice in the future."
"You don't think this is a waste of time then?"
"All I'm saying is you'll never know if you never try."
"I am trying." Jack reminded her.
"Sorry, I mean you'll never know if you don't do better."