I do not own Red vs. Blue.
Sleepless No More
After the arrest of Malcolm Hargrove and the death of Felix, the Chorusans knew there was much work still to be done. They had won the bloody and brutal war, but the amount of rebuilding was extensive, complex and expensive. There would need to be organizations, committees and plans in order to execute all that needed to be completed.
Kimball's mind spun with ideas and blueprints, invisible threads that only she could see, connecting and knotting together into something cohesive. But she didn't call her soldiers to action—not yet. Their victory was long overdue. They all deserved to celebrate, and the days and nights were filled with music and fireworks and a jubilancy that hadn't graced Chorus in years.
Washington could not begin to describe the relief he felt. There would be no more missions, no more battles with Felix and Locus, and no more fretting about the safety of his soulmates.
Well, that last part was a lie. He would always worry. But now that Chorus was no longer a war-torn planet the list of his apprehensions had drastically reduced.
The Reds and Blues weren't entirely sure what their next course of action would be. Some of them were more than eager for a change of scenery. Some weren't quite willing to depart Chorus just yet, not when their entire civilization needed rebuilding from the ground up. But while they talked about it in passing, they had yet to sit down and have a serious discussion.
It was a discussion that could wait. As the Chorusans were taking some time off, so were they. Kaikaiana had arrived on Chorus with a half-smoking ship, which she quickly insisted was not her fault. Grif rolled his eyes, insulted her, and she tackled him in a bear hug.
The week had been spent reuniting with Kai, or in Carolina and Wash's case, connecting with her. Wash received her soulmark hours after her arrival and his soul had felt like it would vibrate out of his body.
He was so happy. It had been so long since he was happy, with no stress and darkness clouding his mind and heart.
The twelve of them spent every waking moment together. Strolling through the jungles surrounding the rubble-filled city that functioned as their new headquarters. Crowding together in one of their rooms, elbow-to-elbow, chatting for hours on end. Arguing, bickering, laughing, shouting, Kai's boisterous laughter melding seamlessly into their melody.
It was the best melody in the world, as far as Wash was concerned. Even if it was a melody that often made him want to tear his hair out.
He, Carolina and Church were by far the early risers of the group. They spent the first hours of dawn running laps around the training room and sparring, with Church logging their progress and updating their stats. When breakfast neared, they would shower and enter the mess hall, shoving two tables together and getting their coffee as they waited for the rest of their soulmates.
Grif, as usual, was last to straggle in. He piled a cracked, white plate with oatmeal and toast and slouched over to their table, squeezing in between Simmons and Sarge. "This sucks," he snapped, yanking off his helmet.
Wash had relented slightly when it came to their armour. It was the first week they finally ate with the other troops in the mess hall, and the first time any of them had seen the Reds and Blues without their helmets.
"What sucks?" asked Caboose.
"Ships are practically begging to be let into Chorus' airspace. They're loaded with real, delicious food. Why are we still eating like orphans?"
"Because Kimball is not letting a single ship land on this planet without a background check," said Wash pointedly. "And since she wants her soldiers to have a rest, which they absolutely deserve, she's doing the inspections herself for the time being. The supplies will start pouring in once she gets a crew together to help."
"But if you're so desperate to eat real food again, you could always offer her your help," said Tucker innocently.
Grif scoffed. "I am never that desperate for food."
"I beg to differ," muttered Sarge and Simmons in unison.
"You are despicable," said Carolina flatly.
"Tell me something I don't know," retorted Grif, unbothered. He tilted his head back to drop some oatmeal into his mouth, but Carolina deftly reached over and smacked his hand, causing the oatmeal to drop directly into his face.
Grif spluttered in outrage, instinctively rubbing at his face and only succeeding in spreading the goopy breakfast food over his cheeks and forehead. Caboose handed over a napkin and said helpfully, "You have some white stuff on your face."
"Bow-chicka-bow-wow!" crowed Tucker.
"It's not really white," said Donut, propping his chin against his hand as he regarded the clumps dripping from Grif. "It's grey."
"I'm pretty sure oatmeal is not supposed to be grey," spoke Simmons, jabbing at it with his fork.
"That hasn't stopped you from eating it, so why the hell worry about it now?" asked Church with a snort. "Hey, Grif, Caboose is right. You got a little something on your nose."
"Shut up!" hissed Grif, using the napkin Caboose had proffered to scrub at his face. "Carolina, you asshole! It's in my freaking eye!"
"Aww, poor baby," mocked Carolina. "But don't worry. I'm sure the food will still somehow make it to your stomach."
They erupted with laughter and Grif scowled. He shot out his leg, kicking Carolina hard in the shin. The humour immediately faded from her green eyes and they seemed to harden into emeralds. "Oooh, you know better than that."
She dove across the table, Wash nimbly pulling his mug out of her way and saving her own caffeinated beverage from being knocked to the floor. Tucker reared back to avoid a leg to the face and Grif scrambled to his feet. But Carolina was already on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing him to the floor in a chokehold. Grif, still half-blinded by oatmeal, thrashed about wildly.
"You're not pressin' hard enough," called Sarge. "His face ain't even turnin' purple."
"Get…her…off!" wheezed Grif, trying and failing to thrust his elbow into her stomach.
"No," said Lopez, thouroughly enjoying the impromptu wrestling match.
Wash shook his head, drawing his eyes away from the pair to take a long sip of his coffee. "If you spent more time training, you might actually be able to throw her off you."
"Wash, don't give the guy false hopes," snickered Tucker.
"Grif, you still have white stuff on your face," reported Caboose. "Do you want me to get it for you?"
"No!"
"Yes!" cried Church. "Help him out, buddy."
As Caboose stood up, Grif started kicking his legs in an attempt to ward the man away. "I said no!"
"But Church said yes," said Caboose cheerfully.
Doc winced as Caboose sprawled over Grif's chest and practically smothered the orange-suited solider with the napkin. "Someone is going to get hurt here."
"I hope it's Grif," said Sarge longingly.
"You missed a spot," said Carolina with a grin, her arms still locked around Grif's neck, albeit not as tight.
"Right!" Caboose squeezed Grif's nose, eliciting a shriek of pain, and proudly held out the oatmeal-covered napkin. "Got it!"
"I think we're finished here."
Carolina released her hold and returned to her seat. Sarge gave a disgruntled grumble. "Ya could have at least broken something."
"Maybe later," she replied.
Grif lay against the floor, his cheeks flushed and dark eyes frazzled. His chest rose and fell as he gasped for breath. He turned irate eyes on his soulmates, who were now pointedly ignoring him. "Screw. You. All."
"Oh, cry me a river, dirtbag."
As Grif collapsed back to his seat Wash turned to Carolina and asked, "Where's Kai?"
"Still sleeping. Food doesn't seem to be a motivating factor in getting her to rise before ten. Unlike someone we know."
Grif glowered at her, but wisely kept his mouth shut as he stabbed his spoon into his oatmeal. Wash drained the rest of his coffee before digging into his sub-par breakfast, tuning into his soul-links. Grif's anger was sharp but everyone else's amusement cooled the burn of it. Kai's emotions, which he had felt in the background a second ago, were now guarded and distant.
Wash's brow furrowed. Huh. Weird.
…
Kai did not end up joining them for breakfast and Carolina discovered her missing from their shared room when she went to check on her. She wasn't too worried, but when a few hours passed by with no sign of the girl, everyone grew a bit panicked. After a search through the complex turned up nothing Washington activated his radio, the static crackling through his ears for a moment before he selected a channel and it connected.
"Kai?"
"Yo!"
Relief coursed through him and he asked in bewilderment, "Where are you? You missed breakfast."
"Eh, wasn't really hungry."
"You sure you're a Grif?" wondered Carolina.
"Oh, definitely," said Church feelingly. "Trust me."
"Kai, where you at?" demanded Grif.
"I went for a walk."
"Oh, damn you," said Grif with a groan. "Do you even know where you are?"
There was a beat of silence before Kai reluctantly admitted, "Not a clue, bro. I've tried looking for landmarks but nothing is familiar."
"Of course nothing is familiar!" exploded Grif. "It's just piles of rubble and junk everywhere! And you've been here for two days! You couldn't even walk around the island without getting lost!"
"I could too!"
"You could not!"
"All right!" interjected Wash. If Grif was in the same room, he would have been the recipient of what they deemed the Wash Glare, which promised pain and punishment if he wasn't adhered to. "Kai, have you tried following the compass in your HUD? We're three kilometers south of the main intersection."
"The dial thing? Yeah, it keeps spinning on me. It won't stay in one direction."
"Oh, I know how compasses work!" exclaimed Caboose. "You just walk in a big straight line and it'll stop moving!"
"Really? Holy crap, that does work!"
Washington blinked. When he did not respond right away, Church said with a snort, "Yeah, she's basically the female version of Caboose. This is what I had to deal with."
"Kai, just stand still," ordered Grif. "I'll come get you."
"Alrighty!"
"Church—" started Carolina, but the A.I. interrupted her.
"Already done. Projecting her coordinates to your HUD, Grif."
"Got 'em. Sit tight, K. I'll be there soon."
"Can I explore some of these old buildings while I wait?"
"No! What part of sit still do you not understand?"
"Ugh, you're such a buzzkill!"
…
It was a half hour later when Grif returned to the base with Kai in tow. By that point it was time for lunch, so they all gathered in the mess hall. As they stood in line for food, Wash set a hand against Kai's shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yup!" she chirped. "Wasn't much to look at, though."
"Yeah, a civil war kind of ruins that sort of thing," pointed out Simmons.
They received their plastic trays loaded with chicken salad sandwiches (or in Simmons and Doc's case, garden salads) and went to their usual tables. They went through their routine of idle chatter, but Wash immediately picked up that Kai was quieter than normal. She picked at her food, creating a small pile of bread crumbs, as her gaze flitted around the table. Her emotions were still guarded and Wash frowned. There was a lack of light in her dark eyes, an absence of her vibrancy and spunk.
He could see Grif also watching her, his lips pinched into a frown. When they finished eating, he grasped her elbow and they walked off together. Wash's concern eased slightly, for if there was one thing that Grif took seriously it was the well-being of his little sister.
Wash stepped into the corridor, nodding at Sarge, Donut and Simmons as they headed off in a different direction. A heavy weight knocked against his back, armour clanking against armour, and Wash would have probably taken an ungraceful spill to the floor if Caboose's arms didn't wrap around him a second later.
"Can we play a game?" he asked, resting his chin against Wash's shoulder.
"What kind of game, buddy?"
Caboose's response was immediate. "Candyland."
Wash gave a low chuckle. "Should have guessed. Sure, we can play Candyland."
"Do you think Sister wants to play too? She seems sad. Maybe a game will cheer her up."
Wash wondered if Caboose would ever stop surprising him. He thought only he and Grif had noticed Kai's distant behaviour during lunch. But Caboose could be very perceptive. Usually in the oddest, most random occasions. And most frequently when it came to people's emotions, especially those of his soulmates.
He set a hand overtop Caboose's wrist and gave a gentle squeeze. "I think she and Grif need some sibling time. If something's wrong, I'm sure she'll tell us when she's ready."
"Okay."
The disappointment showed in his voice and flowed through their soul-link. "Maybe she'll play a game with you later," suggested Washington. "It can just be the two of us for now."
"Okay!" There was more cheer injected into his tone and Caboose started to drag Wash down the hallway. "I want to be the blue gingerbread man. You can be red."
"Sure. But don't tell Sarge. He'll never let me hear the end of it."
…
Whatever the Grif siblings spoke about was not shared with the others. But Kai made more of an effort to engage them in conversation and laughed a bit louder, though the smile she plastered on her face didn't quite meet her eyes. Washington suspected the girl didn't reveal the reasons for her low mood, for Grif kept shooting glares at her over the course of the day. When Donut finally asked why she was keeping her emotions blocked from the rest of them, Kai simply responded that she needed a bit of space.
Grif had called bull on that. Kai answered by flipping him off and storming away. He had wanted to go after her but Washington restrained him. "Give her a breather," he had said. "If she's not out of her funk by tomorrow, we'll talk to her, whether she's ready or not."
In the late evening hours Washington was disturbed from slumber by a small, strangled sob. He snapped to attention, blue eyes blinking rapidly to clear the sleepy haze from his vision. He swung himself out of his bunk and reached up, setting a hand over Caboose's shoulder.
"Hey, bud, what's wrong?"
The sound came again, but not from Caboose, as Washington had initially thought. It came from the other side of the door and Wash strode over, pressing the button to access the corridor. He poked his head out and spotted Kai speed-walking down the hall in her pajamas, hunched over as she wept into her hands.
Wash's heart stuttered and concern knotted in his chest. She disappeared around the corner and he sprinted after her. "Kai!" he called softly.
She came to a halt and peered over her shoulder. Her dark eyes, so identical to her brother's, were wet and tear tracks made two distinct lines down her cheeks. "What are you doing up?" she asked with a hiccup, frantically rubbing away her tears.
"I heard you crying."
"You heard me?" said Kai in embarrassment. "I was trying to be quiet."
"You were," assured Wash. "I just have sensitive hearing. Developed after years of paranoia and a significant amount of trauma."
"Oh. That sucks."
"Sometimes. But sometimes it comes in handy. Like tonight." He placed a hand against her shoulder and asked quietly, "Something's wrong, Kai. And I would really appreciate it if you told me. I didn't spend years waiting to gain your soulmark only to have you block our connection two days after we established it."
Kai's nose wrinkled. "Dude, way to guilt trip."
"The truth can do that," said Wash lightly.
Kai huffed and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. She didn't step away from his contact, but kept sending uncertain glances down the corridor. Wash guided her down the hall and she asked in bewilderment, "Where are we going?"
"Somewhere a little more private."
There was a smaller training room in the building next to the barracks. It was empty, as Wash predicted, and he flicked on the lights. He sat down on the mat-covered floor and she joined him, legs tucked under her. She pulled on the ends of her hair, which cascaded well pass her shoulders. She didn't speak and Washington didn't force her. He merely studied her, from the crease between her eyes and the nervous way her fingers moved.
The minutes stretched on until Kai suddenly turned to him and blurted, "Do you want me here?"
Shock spread across Washington's face. "Of course I do!"
"Are you sure?" asked Kai dubiously. "I'm not, like, messing up the dynamics?"
"Kai, you're part of our dynamics. How can you mess them up?"
"I just…I saw you guys this morning," said Kai softly, sorrow on her features. "Carolina wrestling Dex to the ground. The rest of you laughing. Having the time of your life. And I realized everything that I missed. Everything I wasn't a part of. That it didn't matter that I wasn't here. That it doesn't matter that I'm here now."
"Kaikaiana, that's not true," said Wash sharply. He leaned forwards and seized her hands, pulling them away from her hair. "We're beyond happy to have you here with us. You know it. You felt it. I'm pretty sure we spent yesterday hardly able to move or think because of the soul-bond we all shared."
Kai's lips wobbled and her voice broke as she said, "Then why did you leave me alone for so long?"
She dissolved into sobs, her tears starting anew, and she tried to pull away. But Washington only increased his grip, yanking her into his lap as his arms circled tightly around her. She struggled for a minute before giving up, sagging into his chest as she wept.
Wash held her, rocking her slightly, his chin tucked against her hair. He let her cry it out, fingers stroking against her arms. Eventually she went silent and he tilted her chin up so their eyes met. "I'm sorry," said Wash wretchedly. "I'm so sorry."
He knew what she was feeling, perhaps better than anyone, with the exception of Carolina. He knew what it was like to be abandoned and forgotten. Though none of them had ever intended to make her feel that way, they had, and she was suffering.
"I don't want to be alone again," whispered Kai, clinging to the front of his grey T-shirt.
"You won't," said Wash fiercely. "I promise you, the Reds and Blues never meant to leave you for so long. I didn't mean to leave you for so long. But events just went to complete and utter hell."
"Not always," said Kai bitterly. "Command didn't reassign me to Rat's Nest like Caboose. They didn't even invite me to come to Valhalla when they gave you guys new bases."
"Command is an asshole," said Wash darkly. "As for Valhalla…" He flinched. "I suppose there's no excuses. We could have sent for you. We should have. And that's unforgivable."
Kai gave a pitiful sniff. "Nah. Unforgivable is when that tramp took my spot on the cheerleading squad in high school. It was a real dick move, though." In a softer voice, she said, "You didn't leave me behind because I was unwanted?"
"Definitely not," said Wash strongly. "We were just…neglectful. Doc can tell you a thing or two about that."
Kai glanced up at him, at the regret and guilt weighing heavily on his features. She let down her emotional barrier and felt his remorse in waves.
And his love.
It enveloped her and she moved her arms to wrap tightly around his neck. She gave a startled yip when Wash stood up, easily keeping her body against his as he carried her out of the room. "You know, our soulmates taught me a trick when it comes to sleepless nights."
"Well, I can't sleep, so bring it on," said Kai with a tired smile.
Wash brought her to his room, where the door swished open, revealing the slumbering forms of Tucker, Doc and Caboose. He sunk into his bed and lowered his hand to rest over the grey handprint on her upper back. Kai squeaked as her soul gave a strong, pleasant surge and pumpkin pie filled her senses. Her hand immediately fell to her soulmark on Wash's body and he gave a soft groan of contentment as their souls entwined.
Kai's father had left her. Kai's mother was a fleeting presence in her life, disconnected and more attached to alcohol than her own children. As a child, she had so looked forward to meeting the soulmates whose marks covered her body. Desperately hoping that they wouldn't leave her and her brother. And it happened, she met all of them, and those years in Blood Gulch were the best ones of her life.
Then they left her. Just like everyone else in her life.
Washington cupped the back of her neck and pulled her closer, his legs falling overtop hers. 'I promise you, K, we're not going to leave you. They missed you just as much as you missed them. Carolina and I couldn't wait to meet you. I'm sure Kimball and Doyle weren't too pleased with all the requests we made to contact you, but we had to. We needed to hear your voice.'
Kai could feel how much she was missed, see all the memories in which they spoke about her and longed for her. She tucked her face against chest and let his love and warmth smooth over her. He felt horrible for all she had been through. For leaving her behind, however unintentionally.
'It's okay,' she thought. 'I'm with you losers now. You'll just have to make it up to me.'
Happiness replaced her sadness, and a strong relief that they hadn't left her because they didn't want her. That they were genuinely excited to have her back. Wash marvelled in how quickly she forgave and forgot.
'I wish I was as gracious as you. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to hold a grudge.'
'Grudges are for people I hate. When people I love wronged me, I just beat them up. But you're an ex-Freelancer who has done some crazy crap, and I am not that stupid, so I'll just be really snarky.'
Her love met his own with just as much ferocity, even though they hadn't known each other for very long. Wash closed his eyes and relished in it, in just how powerful his bonds were, and only when Kai drifted off did he allow himself to fall asleep.
…
When Kai opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of her eleven soulmates, who were arranged around the room in various positions. Everyone, with the obvious exception of Lopez and Church, were still in their pajamas.
"Hi," she greeted. "What's up, creepers?"
"Not much," said Grif flippantly. He was sitting the closest to her and he gave her nose a hard pinch. "You told me nothing was wrong."
"Yeah. I lied."
"No crap."
"But I feel much better now."
She was still wrapped in Wash's arms, though she had rolled over on her side during the night. She tilted her head back to see blue eyes staring at her in amusement and she gave his chin a quick kiss. When Wash barely reacted to the open affection Tucker gave a loud snort.
"And to think, it was only a few years ago when you practically punched us when we tried to touch you."
Wash rolled his eyes. "I didn't try to hit you."
"Right. Sorry. You just took off running."
"But he likes hugs now, so that's good," said Caboose cheerfully. "He doesn't run anymore."
"Give me a break. I had some things to work through."
Simmons raised a brow. "Carolina let us hug her pretty quickly, and she went through basically the same crap."
"I was desperate for love," said Carolina with a blank expression.
"That's tremendously sad," said Lopez bluntly.
Kai promptly translated and Donut looped his arms around Carolina, resting his head against her shoulder. "There's lots of love to go around," he chirped.
Carolina set a hand against his hip as she glowered at Lopez. "You may be a robot, but I can still kick your ass."
"Duly noted."
Doc leaned over the edge of his top bunk, one arm hanging over the side. "Usually it's Wash who needs help sleeping."
"Not this time," said Wash, letting go of Kai and sitting up against his pillows. He sent a warm glance towards his soulmates and he added, "Though I did utilize the tactic you've used on me to help me sleep."
"Now that's what I call character growth," said Church with a laugh.
Tucker wiggled his eyebrows. "Does that mean I can kiss you?"
Wash narrowed his eyes, studying Tucker's expression, which bordered on mischievous rather than lascivious. "Are you being gross?"
"I mean, I have jokes in mind."
"Wash likes kisses," informed Caboose obliviously. "But not in public."
"Such growth," said Church dramatically.
"Shut up," snapped Wash, feeling his cheeks colour slightly.
"How the mighty have fallen," said Sarge with a solemn shake of his head.
"Riiiiight," drawled Grif. "Because I totally did not see Simmons snuggling with you last night. Ow!"
Sarge's foot connected with his ribcage and he sprawled on the ground, rasping in pain. Simmons sent him a bewildered look. "But…we were."
"I know, but that doesn't mean he has to broadcast it," said Sarge gruffly.
"We're soulmates, you moron," hissed Grif, hauling himself back into a sitting position. "We already know how soft you can be! It wasn't a secret!"
"Did ya just call me soft?!"
Grif launched himself behind Lopez, hands gripping the robot's legs. "Don't come near me, you senile old man!"
Tucker gripped Sarge's arm and pulled him back down to his bunk, grinning as the man bristled. "Aw, don't worry, Sarge. We won't tell anyone."
"I don't know. I might," said Kai with a smirk.
Grif gave a proud smile. "Blackmail. I taught you well."
As Sarge exploded with threats, and everyone else laughed at his steadily reddening face, Wash felt a contentment that went bone-deep. Affection, warmth, ire and amusement flowed through their soul-links, twisting together into a bubbly ball in the pit of his stomach.
It was because of them he had a second chance at life. It was because of them he was able to love again. It was because of them he was able to live again.
It was because of them he no longer had sleepless nights.