Chapter 8: An Impossible Choice

Korra was walking down a hallway. Hazy familial shapes passed her as her feet moved silently down the elongated hallway. Her feet stopped in front of a door and her fingers gently pushed open the door. The room beyond showed a sleeping woman in a large double bed. She was sleeping with her back to Korra.

She shifted her feet around the bed to face the woman. The raven black hair fell lightly against the woman's face, moving so slightly with every breath that she took. A soft snoring could be heard emitting from her lips. Korra bent down and, oh so carefully, brushed back her hair behind the woman's ear. The movement caused the woman to be stirred. Her eyes blinked open and when she saw Korra, she smiled.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Ssh, go back to sleep 'Sami," Korra whispered back.

Suddenly something changed in Asami's features. An angry look took over the friendly smile that had once been there.

"I wish you had never come back," her voice was sharp and full of ice. The warm demeanor that had been there was gone.

"Wh-what?" Korra stammered as Asami sat up.

"I was happier when you were believed to be dead, we all were."

"Asami, please! What are you saying? I thought you loved me!"

A cold laugh emanated from Asami.

"Love you?" she looked gleeful. "How could anyone love a poor pathetic soul like yourself!"

Something in Korra snapped. Her hands were suddenly around Asami's neck and she was on top of her, pinning her to the bed. Asami began to choke but she still had an evil smile on her face.

"Do it," she hissed. "Do it, I dare you."

"How dare you lie to me," Korra kept up the pressure until…

Korra's eyes snapped open. Her body was drenched in sweat as she stared up at her hospital room's ceiling. Calm down, she told herself as her heart raced, it was just a dream, just a dream. Asami would never say those things to her… at least she thought she wouldn't. She lay there for several more moments, trying to calm herself down but her heart kept on pounding and pounding. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered more of the dream – her hands on Asami's neck…

She held her face in her hands. That could never happen again. The fact that it had already happened was already too much for her to handle. What if it happened again? The look of shear terror that was on her wife's face flashed across her face. She groaned into her pillow and let her tears stain the pillow. She couldn't let it happen again. She knew what she had to do.

She'd have to give up Asami.

Asami was leaning over the latest design for the new Satomobile. The design had been worked and reworked for the past week. Nobody could agree on anything. It was starting to become the bane of her existence. A sigh escaped her lips. Was this a project she was ever going to finish? The answer to her question came in the form of an email from one of the designers with more adjustments to make. Guess not, she thought as she scowled at the email.

A buzzing from her cell phone that was perched on her desk interrupted the silence. One look at it told her that it from Umi. A small warm feeling started in her stomach and worked its way through her body.

Ugh, boss is flipping mad today and it's all his fault LOL. Someone didn't listen to a certain someone about it.

Asami smiled as she quickly texted back.

Sounds like so much fun (extreme sarcasm here).

It was only a few seconds before Umi messaged her back.

Oh yeah fun, of course, insert rolling eyes here. Welp gotta go, boss is yelling and I do not want to be on his hit list.

Asami let out a small chuckle as she placed her phone back where it had started. The text exchange had granted her a few small moments of distraction but all of that went out the window when she looked back at the email on her computer. Right, this was still her, she thought as she reread the email. Guess it was back to reality time.

She had barely started writing a reply when the door opened and in walked Bolin, Mako and Opal. A look of confusion mixed with happiness came over her features as her three friends walked towards her.

"Hey guys," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"Asami, we need to talk!" Bolin stated in a very matter of fact way.

Asami was taken aback by the serious look that Bolin was giving her.

"What's up?" she said looking between the three of them.

"Korra," Opal said, folding her arms. Asami's heart sank. She knew where this was going. She had been wondering how long it would take them. "It's been two weeks since she came back and you haven't visited her since that first time. What's up Asami? We would have thought you would have to be forced out of the room when visiting hours were up."

"Have you guys seen her?" Asami asked in a small voice, her eyes determinedly not meeting anyone else's.

"We've tried," Bolin sighed. "Every day but she refuses to see us."

"We don't know why," Opal said.

Asami looked over Mako who had remained silent throughout this entire exchange. He alone knew what her first visit with Korra had gone like. However, he didn't know the full extent of it.

"Do you two know something?" Opal had noticed the glances between the pair of them.

Asami let out the breath she was holding. "You can tell them."

"Tell us what?" Bolin looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow.

"When Asami went to visit Korra, Korra attacked her," Mako said not making eye contact with anyone in the room. His eyes were glued to the floor.

"What?" both Opal and Bolin looked shocked before looking at Asami. She looked at Mako one last time before, in answer to their expressions, lowered her jacket and showed them the now fading bruises around her neck. Opal let out a gasp and covered her mouth. Bolin just let his mouth drop.

"What happened?" Opal asked in a hushed voice.

"Well, uh," Asami didn't really know what to say. After a few pauses, she somehow managed to get the words out. "I don't know what they did to her. I think they damaged her brain but she didn't think I was Asami and she attacked me. They had to restrain her after that."

"Oh, my, Spirits," Opal stammered out. "So, is that the reason why you haven't seen her?"

Asami let out a small nod. "I won't lie, that scared me. Seeing the hatred and rage directed at me…I just never expected that from her. It just wasn't the Korra I know and love." Asami took a deep pause but no one interrupted her. They were all looking at with rapt attention. "When Korra went off to war, my biggest fear was that she would be taken away from. It was something that kept me up at night and caused me to have anxiety attacks. When we thought she had died…well, that was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. The person I loved beyond anyone else was gone. Then suddenly, I find out that she's back but at the same time she's not. The Korra we know may be gone for good. I do not know. It was a cruel twist of fate. She was here physically but not emotionally, mentally. My biggest fear had still come true in a way.

"When she attacked me, it caused me to flee in fear. Never had I imagined that the woman who I thought loved me would ever do that to me. I must admit, it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I haven't slept since. Is Korra gone for good? That question has been going around and around my head."

A tear came out of her eyes and dripped onto the desk. Her eyes looked down at the photo of her desk. It was of her and Korra on their wedding day. She quickly looked away from it. It hurt to think of those times now.

"I still think maybe you should go talk to her," Opal placed her hand on Asami's shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. "She had just gotten back from being a prisoner of war. Maybe they've had some luck with therapy since then?"

Asami didn't speak. The words tried to come out but they always got caught in her throat. All she could do was shrug and nod.

That night, Asami sat in her favourite armchair reading one of her favourite engineering magazines. A drink was clutched in her spare hand. She had been staring at the same page for the good part of the last hour. Her brain just wasn't on the magazine. It was on her wife. Opal had brought up a good point; maybe therapy was working and Korra would be back to normal in no time. An image of Korra's raged filled eyes filled her vision. She quickly snapped her magazine shut.

Breath, she told herself, breath. Her hand was gripping her drink so hard that it might break. The terrified feeling inside of her slowly ebbed away. Her eyes focused on the half-drunk drink in her hand. In one swift moment, she drained in one gulp before standing to her feet. Hopefully things would be better – and clearer- in the morning.

Instead of sleeping, Asami simply lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling – her eyes memorised by the turning of her ceiling fan. She watched it go around and around. She turned over and instead stared at the picture on her nightstand of her and Korra. Looking at made her realise what she had to do.

The next morning, she didn't go to work. Instead, she made a beeline for the United Forces Hospital. She practically ran the entire way to Korra's room. Once outside, she noticed that Korra wasn't in her bed but in a wheelchair facing the window. Her room had a nice view of Republic City beyond. Looking at her, Asami wondered what was going through her wife's mind. What could she be thinking of?

"Ms Sato!" a familiar voice was heard behind her and she turned to see Dr Teruya smiling over a file at her. "Glad that you've come today."

"Good morning Dr Teruya," Asami smiled at her. Her eyes flickered back over to her wife. The words that Dr Teruya had said about her condition came back to her and it filled her with a sense of dread. "How is she today?"

"Physically, she seems to be improving," Dr Teruya followed Asami's gaze. "She still has a long way to go though."

"And…. mentally?" Asami almost didn't ask the question out of fear of what might be said.

Dr Teruya looked between the two spouses and sighed.

"I won't lie Ms Sato, the Earth Empire did experiment on her mind and it has done some damage…damage I am afraid may be permanent."

"Permanent?" Asami repeated. "So, the way she acted last time may be…"

"How she is," Dr Teruya finished with a sympathetic sigh. "We have started therapy but she still has a long way to go." There was a small pause between the two of them. "Did you…er…. wish to see her?"

"Umm…" Asami wasn't sure. Was it a still a good idea to see Korra? Well, Opal and Bolin seemed to think so. "Okay…"

Dr Teruya opened the door. "Korra, you have a special guest today."

"No guests," Korra said without turning around.

"Not even me?" Asami said.

Korra whipped around and her face lit up with joy at the sight of Asami.

"Asami…you're here…" suddenly the joy that was on her face evaporated in split seconds. A dark expression set in. "You shouldn't have come."

"I'll leave you two alone," Dr Teruya said shutting the door behind her.

Asami stared at Korra and she saw a sadness in her eyes. Maybe she was remembering the last time they had interacted. The memory flowed back to her as well. Subconsciously, she took a step backward. Korra noticed this and the sadness in her face grew.

"I don't blame you," she mumbled. "Asami, I just want you to know that I am so very sorry for hurting you. I don't know what came over me. Something just took control. I hope you know that I would never intentionally hurt you."

Asami rubbed her arm. "I know," she said in a small voice. "It's just that…well…I don't know what to think anymore. I can tell that you've…changed."

"Changed for the worse I think," Korra's eyes dropped to the ground. "Asami – I don't know if I am the same person you married, sent off to war…love." Asami was determinedly not looking at her neither did she admit that she had been thinking the exact same thing. "They did things to me 'Sami. They…used you against me…made me think that you were the enemy…that you didn't care about me anymore."

"Oh Korra," Asami suddenly rushed to her wife's side and dropped to her knees. Without a second thought, she took her hand and held it in her own. "Not a day went by that I didn't think about you. When I thought you were gone for good, I admit, I went to a very dark place and nearly didn't come back."

Korra managed to look into her eyes. "How did you?"

"I had help," Asami's thoughts lingered on her friends – Mako, Bolin, Opal…and Umi, "but I guess over time, it became easier to exist, to do things."

Asami then realised that she was holding Korra's hand. A part of her quickly wanted to let go and move away but a stronger part of her knew that she had to stay. She gripped the hand with both of hers. Silence fell between them as they stared at each other.

"Asami, please go," Korra's voice was soft but Asami heard each word.

"Wh-what?"

"I'm scared that if you get close again, you'll get hurt again and I do not want to be the one hurting you. You'll thank me in the long run."

"Korra…"

"Please, just go. Please."

Asami stood up. "Korra…"

"I know you are scared too which is why you haven't visited again until today. Let me guess, Bolin and Opal got to you?" Asami nodded and Korra sighed. "I wish they wouldn't. Asami, I've thought this through and I think it's best if you stay away."

"Korra, I will say this once and once only. I will never stay away. I know I should have come back earlier but you were right, I was scared – was being the optimum word there. I love you Korra, I have loved you for over sixteen years now and I won't stop now."

"Please," there were tears in her eyes. "I think you should go."

Asami didn't argue. Maybe the best thing for Korra now was space. Asami hesitated for a second, wondering if she should stay, but then ultimately deciding to leave Korra alone in her room. As she raced down the hallway, she wiped tears from her eyes.

Once outside, she didn't know what to do. She just aimlessly wandered the streets. Any thoughts of going home or to Future Industries scared her. A day at the office used to do wonders for her when she believed Korra had died. It allowed her to be distracted and that's what she needed at the time. However, this time, she needed to think and think hard about what she was going to do. Should she honour Korra's wishes and stay away or stay and potentially see a different – much scarier side – to this whole situation?

She groaned a little as she wandered the streets, her hands in her jacket's pockets. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay but at the same time, something was pulling her away. What that was, she had no idea.

"Watch out," a voice said but Asami didn't react in time, instead she plowed headfirst into someone walking straight at her. They both were knocked to their feet. When Asami got a good look at who it was, a smile came over her face.

"Umi, didn't realise you would be around here," Asami helped Umi to her feet, the smile was still on her face.

"I was actually on my way to see you, see if you wanted to do lunch or something," Umi brushed the dirt off her trousers. "Future Industries isn't too far from here."

"That is true."

The two of them set off at a slow pace, wandering down the street. Asami didn't realise until several moments had passed that Umi was giving her a quizzical look.

"What?"

"Asami, is something preying on your mind?"

"Well um…"

"Here," Umi led her over to the local park and sat her down on one of the benches. "You know you can tell me anything right?"

"It's just that," a small sigh came out of her. "I saw Korra today and she well…she told me to leave."

"Why is that?"

"She's afraid she would hurt me again."

"Wait…Again?"

Asami quickly filled Umi in on what had happened between the pair of them. At the end of it, she looked shocked. There was a pause while she considered what Asami had told her. She then gave Asami a serious look.

"I think you should stay away from Korra."

Asami whipped round to face her. "What? I can't! She's my wife! I can't…abandon her…"

Umi placed her hand on hers. A sympathetic look appeared on her face.

"Look, based on what you have told me, I don't think she's the same person you married. I think she's changed and not for the better. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I just think this isn't what you wanted."

Asami didn't answer. Instead, she looked at the ground – thinking hard. Was it what she wanted? Never would she have guessed that she would have ended up in this situation. There was no doubt what Umi had said was true – Korra wasn't the woman she had married anymore. However, did that mean that Asami shouldn't try to work it out? She buried her face in her hands.

"So, what will you do?" Umi asked.

"I still love her Umi…I have to be there for her. In sickness and in health…that's what we promised each other. I have to keep trying."

Umi gave her a small smile. "Okay, but don't be a hero okay? Some people just can't be saved."

Deep down, Asami wondered if Korra believed the same thing and that was the reason for pushing her away.

A/N: Thanks for reading. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Stay tuned for more.