Chapter 21: Sleeping With Your Ex
Freelancer Offsite Storage Facility
POV: Epsilon-Church
Premise: Church tries to calm Tex down. Red Team believe they are dead. Grif just wants to nap.
"OW!" Church cried as Tex was holding him by the neck, hitting him with his old body.
"Tex, you are embarrassing me! Ow! Hey, are you guys gonna do anything?" he asked the Reds.
Red team, along with Team JNPR, RWBY-minus Ruby-, and Doc. The latter was currently tending to whatever injuries they had. Grif on the other hand, had a med-kit right on his groin.
"Nah buddy, I think you got everything under control." Sarge replied
"Yeah, you got some catching up to do." Grif muttered, still in pain. He then threw the med-kit off to the side, and took out his rifle.
"I am not going up against her!" Weiss screamed, now annoyed than ever
"I am." Yang muttered, "But only one punch in her face for ruining my hair."
"Hey, what's she beating him with?" Ren asked
"I think that his old body." Simmons replied
"Yeah, it looks like it." Pyrrha agreed
"You mean he ain't a flowing ball anymore?" Nora questioned, "That's too bad, had a few more nicknames for him."
"Same here." Sarge added, "We'll sure miss you Lord Hackensack of the Round-a-lots."
"Beating him with his own body?" Doc muttered, "That doesn't seem physically possible?"
POV Change: Ruby and Caboose
Caboose and Ruby were now back in the control room, desperately trying to get FLISS to help them.
"We have to do something!" Caboose shouted
"We could fight her again?" Ruby suggested
"Nah, we just did that." Caboose countered, "Shelia, help us!"
"I am sorry." FLISS replied, "As I said,I cannot operate outside the boundaries of my standard safety protocols."
"What if we say...pretty please?" Caboose asked politely, with Ruby smiling at that
"Private Caboose." FLISS said to him, "Is there a reason why you don't want to use one of the standard safety protocols?" she asked, "I would recommend locking down the armor of any rogue unit."
"Wait, you could do that?" Caboose asked
"Why did you tell us that!?" Ruby added
"The director wrote the protocol himself." FLISS replied, "I thought you already knew."
"Oh, uh, ok." Caboose said, "Shelia, could you do the armor...lunchable...thing?"
A chime admitted from the speakers, "Now initiating recovery mode. Armor lockdown in progress. All units, standby for lockdown.
Suddenly, Tex's armor was surrounded by some shield, and she fell to the ground, unable to move.
"What did you do to her!?" Church shouted
"Huh?"
"Whoa!"
"Yes!" Caboose shouted, "Yes! I did it! I am the biggest hero ever! I beat up a girl!"
"Hey!" Ruby shouted, "I helped."
"And Ruby too!" Caboose corrected himself
"Hehe yes!" Sarge said, "That's how you do it Grif; face your enemy man to man. Or in your case, woefully inadequate man to woman. And when she's distracted, use superior technology to take her out." he then sniffed slightly, "Reminds me of prom night."
Weiss just scoffs at Sarge's statement, while Nora just laughed. Pyrrha just kept watching over Jaune, who had finally 'healed'.
"We didn't stop her." Grif countered Sarge's statement, "She shut down."
"Hey guys?" Simmons spoke up, "What do you think the computer meant by all units?"
There was a sudden silence among the group.
"Uh oh." Blake muttered
Suddenly all of Red and Doc were encased in their own shields.
"Grif!" Yang shouted, "What happened!?"
Caboose and Ruby also noticed this, "I did-Not our fault!" Caboose shouted, "Not our fault! The computer made us do it! And the only answer was yes!"
"Well this is just great!" Grif grunted, while lockdown
"Caboose!" Church shouted, "What's going on!? Make sto-hmph!" he too was then put into recovery mode.
"Uh, Shiela?" Ruby asked FLISS, "Is Caboose's armor gonna lockdown to?"
"No Ruby." FLISS replied, "Caboose's helmet doesn't have that protocol installed. I had assumed that was why he was wearing it."
"Yes." Caboose replied, "That is totally the reason."
POV Change: Dead World
"What happened?" Church asked himself, "Where am I?"
He noticed that the facility was not completely black and white, while his armor remained its normal color. Teams RWBY and JNPR were nowhere to be seen.
"Your operator has been injured or incapacitated." FLISS said to him, "You are now in Recovery Mode. You will remain in this state until a Recovery Agent, or your operator regains consciousness."
"Wait!" Church shouted, "You didn't set off the recovery beacon didn't you!?"
"Recovery BEacons are only active until a unit leaves this facility." FLISS explained
Church then turned and noticed a soldier in black armor nearby, "Is that Tex?"
"Affirmative." FLISS replied, "Technically, she is not present in this environment. I can relay communication through an external channel."
"Yes please." Church said to her
"I am sorry." FLISS replied, "But she has refused the connection. She should not be able to do that."
"Can you force it through?" Church asked
"I could." FLISS said, "But I strongly do not recommend it."
"Why?" Church questioned, "Could it damage her?"
"No, I have just heard, that when a woman wants her space. It is best to leave her alone."
"Yeah, good call." Church muttered, "Hey, uh, get me outta this. But keep her in, until we know what to do with her."
"If you say so." FLISS replied
Tex then looked at CHurch from afar.
"Uh, she can't heat us, can she?" Church asked, worried
"Unclear."
"I thought you said you weren't relaying my messages!?" Church complained
"Ending Recovery mode."
"You woman always stick together."
POV Change: Freelancer Off-site Storage Facility
"Ending Recovery Mode, ENTRY MISSING units." FLISS said, and the Recovery Modes on Church and Tucker were disabled.
"Ah, dude, that thing sucked!" Tucker groaned as he got up off the ground.
"Hey at least we aren't getting our asses kicked." Church countered
The duo walked over to the huntsmens, who were examining the bodies of Red Team and Doc, who were still in Recovery Mode.
"Guys!" Yang shouted, "You're ok!"
"What happened?" Jaune asked
"Sheila put us in armor lockdown." Church explained, "I had her take us out, but leave Tex and these idiots inside."
"Sheila?" Ren asked
"Oh, uh, Sheila was the name of the smart tank we had in Blood Gulch." Church explained, "Apparently, FLISS here, speaks and acts like her."
Church then walked up to the frozen Reds and Doc.
"Sheila." he asked the AI, "Can they hear me?"
"Affirmative."
"She said yes!" Caboose shouted with a microphone, startling everyone
"We heard her dipshit!" Tucker shot back
"We know." Ruby said through the microphone, "We just wanted to use the microphone. It makes us sound really loud."
"Hey Church, where did you get the new body?" Weiss asked the hidden AI
"Long story I'll tell you all later." Church replied
"Actually, I don't think she actually gives a shit Church." Tucker muttered
"Hmph." Weiss huffed
Caboose then spoke through the microphone, "Attention Freelancer shoppers! We have a special sale on submachine guns in aisle seven!"
"Sheila!" Church shouted, "Mute him!"
"Affirmative."
"This is Micheal J. Caboose and Ruby Rose signing-"
The microphone then turned off before the two lovebirds could finish their statements.
"Awe man!"
POV Change: Red Team and Doc
Dead World
"Sarge?" Simmons asked his CO, "Where are we?"
Since they were in Recovery Mode, everything appeared to be noir, except for their armor.
"Men." Sarge began, "I have bad news: We're dead. Except in Grif's case, that's good. But overall bad."
"Dead!?" Simmons shouted, "I can't be dead!"
"Why?" Grif asked
"Some of us have plans for the future." Doc replied
"You know, life, anything that doesn't involve a computer." Simmons added
"So this is the afterlife huh?" Grif muttered as he investigated his surroundings, "Not bad, its kinda grainy. Overall, I can't complain."
"This is just the stage before we move on." Sarge suggested, "Like purgatory."
"Ooo, or like that last episode of Lost." Simmons added
"Hey, I haven't seen that yet!" Sarge shouted
"What!? That show was on like hundreds of years ago!" Doc said
"La, la, la-la! Don't say anything else!" Sarge shouted, not wanting any spoilers
"Oh give us a break." Simmons replied, speaking for himself and Doc
"Well, I'm going to sleep. See you losers in 14 hours." Grif announced
"Grif, no napping!" Sarge hissed to the orange soldier
"Sorry Sarge." Grif replied, "You said I could sleep when I die Well look at me. So this purgatory is about to be 'purga-snory'. Yawn..."
"Grif!" Sarge growled
"Hey Reds!" Church's voice shouted to them, "Can you hear me?"
"Who in Sam Heaven was that?" Sarge asked everyone
"Was that God?" Simmons suggested
"Hey Almighty! Can it!" Grif shouted back, "Some of us are trying to get some shut eye!"
"No blasphemy." Sarge added
"Oh great…" Weiss' voice muttered from the real world
"Who was that?" Doc asked
"Was that the devil?" Sarge guessed
"Oh shit!" Simmons cried, "Take Grif! He's terrible! Don't take me!"
"It's not God or the Devil guys." Tucker's voice explained, "It's Church and Weiss. They're just full of themselves."
"I am not!" Weiss shouted at him
POV Change: Freelancer Off-site Storage Facility
"Perfect, more people to worship you Church." Tucker groaned
"Yeah I agree." Church replied, "Listen guys. I'm gonna let you out. But you can't attack Tex."
"Attack Tex?" Simmons questioned, "She attacked first!"
"Fuck you guys!" Grif groaned
"I'm a pacifist, I don't fight." Doc muttered
"I would never hit a girl!" Sarge added
"Just agree so we can let you guys out." Yang replied
"Ugh, fine."
"Whatever."
"Ok."
"Grk duh mrm jerk gurgle…"
"We're just gonna assume that last one was a yes." Church replied, "Ok Sheila, let them out."
"Ending recovery mode." FLISS announced, "Red units."
The shield around the Reds and Doc then dispersed, and all of them fell to their knees.
"Ah, my neck." Sarge muttered, as he and his team got on their feet. Soon everyone was surrounding an unconscious Tex, who was still lying on the floor.
"I'm waking her up." Church announced to everyone
"Oh no you don't!" Weiss shouted at him, "There is no way you are going to!"
"As much as I hate that I have to agree with the Ice Queen." Sarge up, earning a growl from Weiss, "You missed the smash fest we went through. I ain't going through that again."
"Same here." Jaune added his two cents
"Are you sure?" Nora asked them, "I found it fun."
"Fun?" Tucker questioned
"We held our own." Pyrrha
"Yeah translation guys: She. Moped. The. Floor. With. You." Simmons punctuated, "You want me to go on?"
"Alright I see your point." Nora groaned
"Well I want her to come out." Yang said, "I want to get at least one punch in on her."
"I just want her out." Blake muttered
"Hey guys." Church said to the Reds, "I let you out. We had a deal."
"Some deal." Weiss huffed
"Alright, we are all affected by this." Simmons spoke up, "I say we put this to a vote."
"Great idea." Ruby replied
"All in favor of waking her up and letting her kill us, say aye."
"Aye." Church replied
"Aye." Yang said
"Aye." Blake added
"Aye." Ruby added
"Aye." Pyrrha added
"Aye." Doc added
Church then looked over at Caboose, "Caboose say aye."
"You can't do that!" Weiss shouted, "You can't make him say aye!"
"Well who's he going to listen to?" Church quipped, "The Ice Queen or the AI he claims is his best friend?"
"Grrr." Weiss growled
"Caboose, say aye." Church repeated
"Present." Caboose replied, thinking that count check. Ruby giggled slightly, Yang and Nora just laughed out of control. Weiss on the other hand facepalmed hard.
"No we're not doing that Caboose." Church hissed, "Just say aye."
"You. Oops, I mean me!"
"No; aye!"
"Church."
"Just say aye!"
"Oh I get it." Caboose muttered, "My left eye of my right eye?"
"Idiot!" Weiss huffed
"He votes yes." Church announced, giving up
"I would also like to point out that I was present." Caboose added
"Ok." Sarge spoke up, "And everyone in favor of not doing that thing and leaving her asleep and not getting killed by the person we're not going to wake up because nobody is that stupid...say nay."
"That was like a quadruple negative." Simmons muttered
"Just vote." Sarge growled
"Nay." Weiss answered
"Nay." Jaune added
"Nay." Ren added
Simmons answered in a confused tone, "Nay?"
"I didn't even understand the question." Grif announced, "So I'm just gonna say blueberry."
"And I'll say pancakes!" Nora added
"I'm not even surprised." Yang muttered about Nora and Grif's comments.
"Fuck it!" Church spoke up, "Veto! She comes out!"
"Not fair!" Weiss shouted, "You can't just veto! Nobody does that! God! You people are just about the dumbest…"
As Weiss was ranting, Church turned over to Caboose, "Caboose. Weiss seems a little upset. Maybe you should help her."
"Ok." Caboose replied as he raised a pistol. But Church stopped him.
"Don't do that to her, up in the air." Church whispered
"Ok."
BANG!
Caboose fired a round into the air. Which shook Weiss from her rant.
"I'm sorry Weiss, were you saying something?" Church snarled, "I couldn't hear you over your bitching."
"Grrr…" Weiss growled again
"So Sheila, is there anyway we could keep her part ways in?" Church asked FLISS
"No." FLISS replied, "I could keep her in or take out."
"So she's either fully asleep. Or full on bitch." Tucker muttered, "Kinda like my ex-wife."
"You were married?" Caboose asked him
"Oh gross I hope not!" Tucker shouted
"Well, we have to do something." Blake mentioned
"Why do people always say that?" Grif spoke up, "We have to do something? We don't have to do anything. Let's just let sleeping maniacs lie."
"Here." Church sighed, "Let me try this."
Church then knelt down beside Tex, and the lights on his armor started to flicker. His body then fell to the floor.
"What just happened?" Jaune asked
"Church." Pyrrha said, "You ok."
"Oh, he doing his ghost thing." Caboose replied casually
"His what thing?" Ren asked, confused
"Yeah, Church got killed by a runaway tank." Caboose explained
"Or by the idiot driving it." Tucker butted in
"Oh right, yes!" Caboose replied, "And uh, he turned into this uh, really mean ghost. Then he possessed a Mexican robots body. But he can possess any body he sees… even dead ones."
Team JNPR just looked at him...the Ruby spoke up.
"He's a ghost. The End." Ruby whispered
"Oh Ok." the team replied
"But it's probably just a trick he can do since he's an AI." Weiss added her two cents in
"You think it's working?" Sarge asked
"I don't know."
POV Change: Dead World
Sure enough, it did work. Church was back in Dead World, and found Tex in the same place when he left.
"Tex? Tex hello?" he asked her, "Can you hear me?"
"Of course I can hear you." she replied calmly, "What do you want?"
"What do I want?" Church repeated rather annoyed, "The guys just wanna make sure you won't beat the living shit out of them when I wake you up."
"Aww what are they gonna do, cry?" Tex taunted, "I'm pretty sure that Ruby girl will. Especially that Icey brat."
"Uh, remember when you tried to land a finger on Ruby and Caboose showed up?" Church asked her
"...Oh...Ok nevermind." Tex muttered
"Yeah I thought so." Church replied, "But whats wrong with you? And why did you go nuts like that?"
"Last time I was in a place like this." Tex began, "I was trying to get out."
"Yeah I remember." Church agreed with her
"They just got in my way." Tex explained, "It's not my fault they can't fight."
"They?" Church asked her
"I mean the Reds and Tucker." Tex explained further, "Team RWBY and those new guys, they can hold their own...I think I want to have a friendly sparring match with them."
"Ok, so is that, 'I won't beat the living shit out of them anymore?'" he asked her
"Sure whatever." Tex replied, "But I am gonna deck that one with the sword for making that ex-wife crack."
"One more thing." Church said to her
"What?" Tex asked
"The huntsmen." Church explained, "Do NOT, I repeat do NOT antagonize them for God's sake. They have been through enough already with us. Don't fight them, insult them, threaten them, or steal from them...except for Weiss… cause nobody likes her."
"Deal." Tex replied, "Like I said, they fight well. I respect them."
"I guess that'll have to do." Church agreed with her, "So, we're cool?"
"Well, I'm cool." Tex replied
"Nice to have you back Tex." Church complimented her, "Always a pleasure."
"Hey, I didn't ask to come back." Tex replied, "Apparently somebody decided that they couldn't live without me."
"I thought you'd be happy to be back." Church said to her, "Cause you know being alive is better than being dead."
"Yeah." Tex replied sarcastically, "Everybody seems to know; what's best for Tex."
"So this is it?" Church asked her, "You're just going to be abrasive from the start. Not even a thank you?"
"Oh we're gonna make this about you now?" Tex questioned him, "How refreshing."
"Alright, I'm gonna go now." Church said as he walked off, "Nice talking to ya."
"Hyeah, see ya."
POV Change: Freelancer Off-site Storage Facility
Church left Dead World just like that, and was back in his body.
"Alright, I think that worked." he said tiredly
"Is she cool?" Blake asked
"Cool as she's ever gonna be." Church replied
"That does not inspire confidence in us." Grif muttered
"Alright Sheila!" Church called to her, "Let her out!"
"Ending recovery mode! All units!"
Tex got up instantly, and looked around at everyone.
"You feel better?" Church asked
Suddenly, Tex walked to Tucker and punched him right in the face.
"OW! What the fuck!?" Tucker shouted
"Better now." Tex replied, quite happy
"Oh right I forgot that." Church, "Which probably is since…"
"...Since what?" Tex asked, before getting punched in the back of the head by Yang.
"I forgot that too." Church muttered, "Not my fault!"
"Actually, I let her do that." Tex replied
"Yeah whatever, good to have back Tex."
POV Change: Outpost 17-B "Valhalla"
"Ending Recovery mode. All units." FLISS announced, "Ending Recovery mode. All units."
The message from ending all recovery modes sent by FLISS reached a nearby Valhalla. Now completely desert of the Reds and Blues, Team RWBY, Team JNPR, Wash, and the Meta. All that was left were two bodies in brown and pink armor.
"Ending Recovery mode. All units." FLISS repeated
Suddenly the pink armored soldier got up, and was now on his knees.
"Ugh, what happened?" Franklin Donut asked himself, "Who shot me? What a jerk! "Ah, I got blood all over my good shoes. These stains are never gonna come out."
Donut then looked around the canyon, he didn't anyone in the distance. Meaning that he was probably out cold for a long time.
"Hello?!" he shouted, "Simmons! Pyrrha! Ren! Nora! Ice Queen! Where did you go!?"
He heard a noise, "[Warning. Error error. Warning. Error.]"
He turned around and noticed the brown-armored body of Lopez lying there, barely functioning.
"Lopez!" Donut shouted, "You're alive!"
"[Did I go to hell?]" Lopez asked himself
But Donut wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, "Oh boy! We are going to have so much fun together! I could build a garden! Wait, I'll need a scarecrow! But where can I find one?"
Donut then looked at the immoblie Lopez, and got an idea.
"[Oh shit.]" Lopez muttered