Author's Note: First, I'd like to say thank you to everyone who reads this fic, to those that leave reviews. I don't necessarily write just to get a response, but the support definitely helps keep me motivated to write. It keeps the process fun.

Second, for my own sanity (not because anyone has been negative to me), I just want to say that I know everyone is anxious to get to the part where Rey and Ben have their talk. I'm just as anxious to get there myself. I've kind of let it get into my head a bit, making writing a little difficult, hence why chapters are taking longer to put out there. So I wanted to let you all know that I revised my outline, doing everything I could to move up that chat. I received some great advice once that said when you're doing the miscommunication trope you need to constantly be asking yourself "Why can't they talk now." And honestly it's been phenomenal advice. I also had Shestoolazytologin, my Alpha reader, take a look at my outline to make sure I couldn't move that talk up any sooner. She agreed that I got it as close as I could without unraveling my plot. (I didn't actually delete plot points, just moved a few things around)

Also, I think part of why we're all anxious to get to this talk, aside from the obvious, is because it feels like they're taking forever. And I think the fact that the passing of time is different between the past and present is mostly to blame. In the past, it's been months since Rey and Ben met. In the present, at the start of this chapter, Ben and Rey only reconnected 24 hours ago.

So, again, I don't say this because anyone has been overtly negative to me, but my own anxiety was starting to get the better of me and I think just informing you guys that I can feel your desire to get to the part where they talk and am doing everything I can to get there quickly will help get me out of my own head. Also, while I"m not one to provide spoilers to my fic, I think it might also be helpful to know that once Rey and Ben do clear the air, that that is the end of the drama between them. All drama after that is external in nature. There won't be anymore big moments tearing them apart.

Again, thank you all so much for your support! :)

Chapter 13

Today

I think it's best we stop trying to pretend that we're friends and leave well enough alone.

The words played on a loop in Ben's head as he hugged Rey closer, moving his lips over hers. He felt like he had been drowning and had finally broken through the surface of the water, air filling his lungs, reminding him what it's like to feel alive.

Rey's hands came up to his arms, her fingers grasping at the fabric as if she wasn't sure if she wanted to push him away or draw him closer.

I think it's best we stop trying to pretend that we're friends and leave well enough alone.

He couldn't. Losing Rey had been more than losing a lover. He had lost the first and only – aside from Gwen – friend he had had, and he missed her. He knew he had missed her, had not been deluded enough to try to convince himself that he didn't, but what he hadn't been able to put into words, even in the company of his own thoughts, was how much he missed her friendship, the comfort he had felt around her, his ability to talk to her about anything. He couldn't lose her again. Not now that he was reminded of what being with her was like.

After several long moments, Rey seemed to come to a decision, sliding her hands from his arms to around his back and pressing herself closer to him. She made a sound in the back of her throat, sounding desperate as she squeezed her arms together, as if unsatisfied with her inability to fuse herself to him.

Ben forgot everything Gwen had said, forgot he should be finding out why Rey left him in the first place, should be protecting his heart from further damage. The problem was that he no longer cared. His heart had been shredded for so long, first by his family and then by Rey, that he no longer cared about anything but this intoxicating feeling that kissing Rey elicited. He could almost see his heart being sewn back together in his mind's eye, each moment his lips moved over hers a stitch in the fabric.

He had nearly forgotten what being with Rey was like, how intoxicating she was, what attraction felt like. Over the time since he had left New York, the memories had become fuzzed at the edges until he had nothing but the memory of the memory of the feeling. Nothing could have prepared him for being with her again, feeling her lips on his again.

Finally, the need for real, physical air became too much. He pulled away, resting his forehead against hers, his hands on either side of her face, closing his eyes. She smelled faintly of soap, her hair brushing against his hands as a breeze blew past them.

He was gasping for air as if he had just run a mile.

A chill fear ran down his spine that the moment would be broken, that she would pull away and tell him she had to leave. He moved his hands from her face, one sliding around to cup her head, the other to her back, hugging her to him, tucking her head beneath his chin. She didn't protest, instead squeezing her own arms tightly around him. He felt her breath whispering across his skin, felt her lips moving, but the fear of breaking the moment overruled his curiosity over what she was saying.

Only when a shiver ran through her did he remember that it was cold, and she hadn't brought a jacket with her. He pulled away just enough to look down at her. She tilted her head up, her eyes wary.

"Come with me to my hotel." His voice was so soft, it was a wonder she could hear him over the noise of city traffic.

She swallowed. "Rose is expecting me back. She'll get worried."

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You have a phone?"

She nodded.

"Text her," he said.

Ben held his breath, waiting for her to say no, to pull away. She stared up at him, her expression conflicted. His gaze dropped to her lips. She had her bottom lip caught between her teeth, and the pull to kiss her again nearly made him forget he was awaiting an answer from her.

"Ok."

The whispered word hung between them for a moment before happiness ballooned in Ben's chest, and he kissed her again, now frantic, kissing first her lips, then the corners, then peppering kisses along her face, her cheeks, her eyelids, her forehead, her nose, before capturing her lips once more. He felt Rey smiling against his lips, and when he finally pulled away, he grinned.

He stepped back, one hand reaching for his phone to call a car, his other sliding down to grasp hers.

"What's your address," he asked.

After she told him, he texted it to Gwen, slid his phone back into his pocket, and then leaned down to capture Rey's lips again. Now that he had finally kissed her again, he never wanted to stop. He ignored the voice in the back of his head reminding him that he was leaving in less than thirty-six hours. He couldn't think that far ahead. The thought of leaving again, of leaving Rey behind, would make him go crazy. Instead, he focused on the present, the feel of Rey in his arms, returning his kisses with equal fervor, her hands sliding into his jacket and around to his back, pressing herself close again.

They kissed, blissfully unaware of their surroundings, of the people walking past, some whistling, some grousing at them to get a room.

"Mr. Ren?"

They broke apart, both surprised that the car had arrived so quickly. Ben nodded at the driver, tugging Rey to the door the driver held open, letting her slip inside before following her. She secured her seatbelt before he had even settled, pulling out her phone as he secured his own seatbelt and typing as he gave the driver the name of his hotel. He pushed a button to raise the partition between them, wanting privacy.

Rey tucked her phone away, grabbing his face as he turned to her, and pulling him down to kiss her again. He twisted in his seat, irritated at the hindrance of the safety device as he struggled to pull Rey near, one hand at her waist, the other threading into her hair.

They kissed the entirety of the ride, alternating between slow and sweet and frantic.

Ben hardly allowed himself to believe this was really happening. He had resisted coming to New York for three years, but had he known that there was even a shred of possibility that a return trip would have yielded these results, he would have returned much sooner. He had thought he'd never see Rey again – had had no way of contacting her since she hadn't had a phone last he knew her – but she had found her way to him instead. He wanted to meet these friends who had purchased tickets for her, who had purchased tickets so close to the stage, to him. He wanted to thank them. He couldn't even follow the line of thinking wondering what would have happened if they hadn't.

He would likely have spent the rest of his life alone. It had been three years, plenty of time for him to have moved on, and yet his emotions felt just as strong as the last time he had seen her. He had never stopped loving her, not even in the face of her apparent indifference, leaving him without a word.

He heard Gwen in his mind, telling him to pull away and clear the air before he slept with her, but as he often did the real Gwen, he told her voice to shut up.

He only realized they had arrived at the hotel when the car door opened, blasting cold air into their space. He broke away from her reluctantly, unbuckling his seatbelt as he slid his hand down to grasp hers. He waited for her to free herself of her own seatbelt before sliding out of the car, refusing to let go of her hand. He pulled her out of the car and up to him, kissing her again.

They stood in front of the door of the hotel, ignoring everyone and everything around them. Eventually, Rey pulled away, laughing softly when he made a noise of protest. Her fingers scraped against his neck, playing with his hair there.

"It's cold out here."

Ben cursed. "Right." He pulled away, once more grabbing her hand, lacing her slim fingers through his. "Let's go inside."

He pulled Rey to the door, glancing around, only then remembering that the paparazzi could be lurking. Thankfully it seemed that they had not been noticed. He strode to the elevator, punching the button and glancing around. He cursed when he saw several people looking their way, praying that they would respect his privacy. He turned back, punching the button again, resisting the urge to kiss Rey again, worried about tabloid gossip. He saw her glancing around and wondered if she had realized the danger of his being recognized as well.

After an eternity, the doors finally opened. He pulled Rey inside, hitting the close door button. Once the doors were safely closed, blocking out prying eyes, he turned. Rey turned at the same time, their lips crashing together. He turned her, pressing her against the elevator. She stood on her toes, her arms circled around his neck. Unlike the suffocation he had been feeling the past three years, this lack of oxygen only made him feel more alive.

Before he even realized the elevator had slowed, there was a dinging noise and the doors parted. He broke away, grasping Rey's hand and nearly running to his door, cursing as he checked his pockets for the key. He could hardly manage getting the card into the slot, his hands shaking. He cursed and heard Rey laugh. Finally, when he was about two seconds from kicking the door in, he managed to get the card into the slot.

He opened the door, hurrying inside, pulling Rey behind him, and not even waiting for it to close before kissing her again.

Three Years Ago

Ben woke to a hand lightly skimming from his temple to his chin. His lips curved up as he opened his eyes, catching Rey's wrist and placing kisses on her fingertips.

"Hi."

Rey bit her lip, smiling. "Hi."

His tone turned rueful. "I didn't mean to fall asleep."

She shook her head. "No. I understand. You had a pretty intense day." She pulled her hand out of his and ran her fingers through the hair at his temple. "I'm not surprised you're exhausted."

"I like your method of relaxing me."

He smirked when she snorted and swatted him lightly on the head.

Before Ben could pull Rey into a kiss, there was a loud knock at the door. He frowned. He wasn't expecting anyone. The knock sounded again, louder and longer.

Sighing, he got up, pulling on pants and a shirt as he walked to the door. Pulling it open, he blinked in surprise.

"Mom?"

His mother stood in front of him, an expression he hadn't seen before on her face. She looked nervous…perhaps guilty.

"We need to talk."

She made to walk past him, but he planted his feet, crossing his arms as the anger and betrayal he had shoved aside came flooding back.

"If you're here to make more excuses for Luke, then you're wasting your time."

She exhaled sharply through her nose. "I am not. Would you please let me in?"

Ben was so surprised by her answer that he stumbled back as she pushed past him.

"Ben? Is everything –" Rey came out of the hallway, stopping when she saw his mother.

Leia glanced at him before speaking to Rey. "I apologize. I came by unannounced. I didn't realize Ben had a – visitor."

He could feel the tips of his ears burning and chided himself. He was an adult. He lived in his own apartment. What he did and with whom was none of his mother's business. He walked over to Rey as she stuttered, her face turning red.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have – I should leave you two – I should go."

Ben shook his head. "No. You don't have to leave. Please stay." He glanced at his mother with a frown. "Whatever my mother has to say, she can say in front of you."

Leia's mouth pressed into a firm line, but she didn't contradict him.

"No," Rey said as he turned back to her. "I don't want to get into the middle of anything. I should be going anyway."

He exhaled, frustrated. "To where? An abandoned building?"

She recoiled, hurt flashing over her face.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing as he sighed. "I didn't mean – that wasn't meant to sound like that. I just meant you can stay here."

A corner of her mouth turned up, but he could see the hurt in her eyes. He wanted to kick himself, maybe trash his apartment. His family always did this to him. They turned him into some kind of monster just by being present.

"No," Rey said. "It's fine. I'm going to leave you to sort things with your mom." She nodded at Leia as she grabbed her guitar by the door and walked out.

Leia nodded back, frowning at the closed door. Turning back to Ben, she asked, "Where did you say you met Rey?"

Ben ground his teeth together, narrowing his eyes as he once more crossed his arms. "I didn't, and we're not talking about Rey. Tell me whatever it is that you came here to say and leave."

His mother regarded him with a frown before turning and walking into his kitchen. Ben was so surprised, he could only blink at her.

"What are you doing?"

"I want some tea. Do you have any?" Leia grabbed the kettle off his stove and filled it with water. Ben watched her, his brain trying to make sense of the picture of his mother preparing tea. He didn't think he'd ever seen her in a kitchen, let alone making anything.

"Ben."

He blinked rapidly, shaking his head slightly, before going to the cabinet to pull down the box of tea, handing it to her.

"I didn't know you knew how to make tea."

Leia snorted. "I can boil water, thank you. I'm not incompetent."

"I never said you were." Ben stood in the center of the kitchen, watching his mother set the kettle on the stove and turn it on. "But I don't think I've ever seen you in the kitchen before."

He watched Leia inhale deeply before she turned towards him, clasping her hands in front of her. "Yes, well, with Threepio around, I didn't really need to make anything myself."

Ben blinked at her, his brows drawing together as he once more saw the nervous and/or guilty look in her eyes.

"Why are you here?"

Leia lifted her chin slightly. "Luke informed me of what happened this afternoon."

Ben barely restrained himself from baring his teeth. "You mean how I found out that he hates me so much that he was trying to have me expelled?"

"Luke doesn't hate you –"

"Stop taking his side!" Ben startled even himself at the volume of his voice, nearly echoing through the apartment.

"I'm not taking his side," Leia said. He might have thought she was calm had he not noticed her knuckles whitening as she gripped her hands in front of her.

Ben laughed, his voice sounding hollow. "Yeah right. You always do. The two of you schemed to ruin my future, trying to squash something I love, just to get back at your father, whom is dead, by the way. Don't tell me that Luke didn't come to inform you he was going to try to have me expelled. You may not realize it, given how little time you spent with me, but I'm not stupid."

"You're right," Leia said. "He did come to me. And I told him he couldn't expel you."

Ben blinked at her, some of his anger dissipating. "What?"

Leia took a step towards him, watching him as if he were some wild animal, ready to bolt at the first sign of danger.

"I know that we haven't always had the best relationship…or really any relationship, and that's my fault. I prioritized my business over my family, and I will regret doing so for the rest of my life." She pressed her lips together and moment before continuing. "I only want good things for you. You must believe that."

Ben didn't answer, frowning at her as he processed not only her words but the pleading look in her eyes.

"Don't withdraw from school," she said. "I'll speak with the dean and have you moved from Luke's class. You don't have to work with him ever again. But please don't throw your future away."

Ben clenched his jaw, trying to hold back the tears that sprang into his eyes. He was so pathetic. His mother hadn't given a damn about him his entire life, and the first time she shows signs that she might actually care, he laps it up. He should be furious with her for her neglect. He should want to rage at her for never being there, for coming to him too little too late. Instead, he wanted to nod and hug her.

He swallowed, running a hand through his hair. "Fine."

The kettle started whistling on the stove. Leia looked at him a moment longer before turning to turn off the stove, setting the kettle to the side. Turning back, she ran her hands down her skirt, tugging on her blazer, as if to straighten it, even though she was as put together as she always was.

"Good. Thank you, Ben." She walked to where she had set her purse down, picking it up. "I had best get going then."

"You aren't staying for tea?" Ben winced internally at the disappointment coloring his tone.

The corners of Leia's mouth turned up. "I'm afraid if I stay much longer, I will say something which will change your mind. Best to leave while I'm ahead."

Ben didn't reply as she walked to the door, nodding before she walked through, closing it behind her.

He walked over to his couch, dropping down and leaning his head back, replaying the conversation in his head. He had never seen his mother like that, so unconfident. It was disconcerting.

He needed to go find Rey, to apologize. He had been an ass. He groaned as he stood. She probably thought he was ashamed of her homelessness. He wasn't, but it killed him that she was somewhere so unsafe, no water, no electricity. He had a perfectly fine apartment that she could be living in, so he wouldn't have to worry about her.

He grabbed his keys from the table by the door and headed down the stairs. He wasn't paying much attention to where he was going, running a hand through his hair as he ran through everything he wanted to say, and bumped into a man with very red hair reading a newspaper to the side of the steps. Who even read a real newspaper anymore?

Ben apologized quickly, turning towards the direction of Rey's building. He walked quickly, needing to expel his restless energy. He had to make things right with Rey. He had to make her believe he didn't care about where she came from, that he wasn't embarrassed by her. In fact, the opposite was true. He was amazed by her, by her talent, her beauty, her joy in life. He was amazed that she even gave him the time of day.

He stopped as he passed by Lando's coffee shop. Perhaps he could bring a peace offering. He headed indoors, unsurprised to see an assortment of college students drinking coffee and typing on laptops. He went to the line, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring unseeing at the menu.

"Ben?"

Ben turned, his eyebrows raising when he saw the owner of the voice. "Mr. Snoke?"

The old man was standing just behind him, both hands on his cane.

"What are you doing here?" Ben asked, staring dumbly.

Snoke smirked. "I fancy the occasional coffee, and this is one of the best establishments in the city."

Ben had no reply, finding it extremely odd that a man with Snoke's wealth would be frequenting a small coffeeshop when he could probably hire someone to grow, roast, and brew his own coffee.

"Would you care to join me for a cup?"

"Oh." Ben swallowed. He really needed to find Rey, but it seemed rude to refuse the man who might be his ticket to stardom. "Um. Okay."

"Splendid."

Ben turned back around, noting that the line had moved while he had been gawking at Snoke. He felt like he should be talking, carrying on a conversation, but couldn't seem to move past the strangeness of Snoke's presence. He ordered a coffee and tea to go, stepping to the side to wait for them while Snoke ordered his own coffee.

Once they were both holding cups in their hand, Snoke wandered over to a section with leather chairs. Ben frowned, thinking it strange that they would be available when the rest of the coffeehouse was packed.

Snoke groaned as he sat down, setting his walking stick to the side. "So, tell me. How have things been at Juilliard?"

Ben snorted. "Eventful."

Snoke's eyebrows rose. "Oh?"

Ben exhaled sharply and found himself pouring out the whole story to the man. His coffee cooled as he tried to reign in his emotions, which had come flooding back to the surface as he related everything Luke had done to undermine him and his mother's subsequent pleading with him to finish his schooling.

When he finished, his face grew hot. He hadn't meant to spill so many of his feelings to this man he barely knew, who probably now was rethinking his desire to make Ben a star.

After a prolonged moment, Snoke spoke. "Why is it that you continue at that school when your talent could be put to better use?"

Ben blinked at him. "I…Well, graduating from Juilliard looks good on a resume, I guess."

Snoke scoffed. "My dear boy. You don't need a resume. You're the grandson of the great Darth Vader. I've already spoken to several people about you, and could make you a star overnight. That school is a waste of your time."

When Ben didn't answer, having no answer to give, Snoke continued. "Is there some other reason why you're determined to stay through graduation?"

Ben's mind immediately turned to Rey. If he left, he would leave her behind. His heart squeezed just thinking of leaving her.

"Perhaps the young woman I saw you with at your performance?"

Ben's eyes snapped to Snoke's. The old man was watching him with a shrewd expression.

"I suppose Rey is part of the reason," he said slowly. He didn't think of Rey as holding him back though. She was the only thing holding him together.

Snoke nodded. "Yes. I have noticed a slip in your performances of late. Perhaps she is a little more distracting than she ought to be?"

Ben recoiled. "No. Rey isn't distracting me."

"So, you've been spending all your time practicing, improving your craft then?"

Ben frowned. "Well…no, but I don't need to spend all my time practicing."

Snoke sipped his coffee, watching him. "You most certainly have the talent to get away with not practicing, but you'll never make it if you allow yourself to become distracted." He set his coffee mug down, steepling his hands under his chin. "Allow me to give you some advice, young Solo. If fame and fortune are what you desire, you will have to work hard to achieve it. You won't have time for anything else. Nothing can distract you."

"Rey's not a distraction." Ben baulked at the implication that Rey was harming him. It was his mother and Luke who had done the most harm to him. They were the ones to blame if his performances had slipped. He said as much to Snoke.

An apologetic smile broke out on Snoke's face. "Of course. I am only trying to give you advice. I certainly can't make you choose fame over love."

Ben stood, grabbing Rey's tea. "I appreciate your advice, Mr. Snoke. I really need to get going, though. I need to find Rey."

Snoke nodded, picking his coffee back up and taking a sip, waving his hand to shoo Ben away.

Ben left, his mind even more in a whir than when he arrived.

Rey was not a distraction.

She wasn't.

Today

Rey woke slowly, feeling warmer and more relaxed than she had in a long while. It took her a few moments to remember the night before, to realize that she was being held by Be in an iron grip, her back against his front. She closed her eyes once more, enjoying the feeling of safety, the feel of Ben's breath against her ear. She could tell by the even, relaxed breaths that Ben was still asleep.

Her mind ran through the last thirty-six hours, trying to piece together not only how she had gotten here, but how she felt about it.

Her heart squeezed as she thought of Ben leaving again. The entire last night had been a mistake. Panic flooded her at the realization she would once again be abandoned by him.

She should never have slept with him. She wasn't going to survive his leaving again.

What was she going to do?

She had to talk to him. She had to clear the air.

She squeezed her eyes together, pressing her lips together to reign in the sudden onslaught of tears. Somehow, she didn't think Rose would qualify sleeping with Ben as getting closure.

How was she supposed to talk about the past now? How could she put herself through that? It was going to destroy her to hear Ben say that he had valued his career more than her. Especially after the previous night. Her toes curled as her heart beat hard, remembering what it felt like to be treated like she was something – someone – worth cherishing.

She had been supremely stupid. Instead of guarding her heart, she had practically ripped open her chest and handed it to him.

She tensed when Ben's arms squeezed, his nose nuzzling into the sensitive spot behind her ear. He kissed her there, humming.

"Good morning."

Despite her panic, Rey melted against him, ignoring the voice in her head telling her to get up, to confront him, to leave, to save herself. "Morning."

Ben kissed the back of her neck, nosing her hair out of the way. "Maker, I missed you." He spoke the words so softly, Rey wasn't sure she had even been meant to hear them.

She bit her lip to keep it from trembling as emotions warred inside her. This was so nice. It felt like she had taken a deep breath after fighting her way to the surface of water. However, the voice she hated continued to remind her of his impending departure. He was set to leave after the evening's last performance. Not only that, but he had crushed her heart once before. She would be not only stupid but pathetic to willingly allow him to do so again.

She glanced at the clock, cursing when she noted the time. She was going to be late for her first class. She pulled herself away from Ben, not daring to glance back as she ran around the room, trying to find her clothes.

"Rey?" Ben asked. She saw him out of the corner of her eye watching her zip around the room. "What's the rush?"

She hopped on one foot as she put on her shoe. "I'm going to be late for class. I have to go."

There was a pause before Ben asked, "Come to tonight's performance?"

Rey dropped her foot, finally getting her other shoe on, closing her eyes to gather herself before turning to him.

"We have to talk about what happened three years ago." She clenched and unclenched her hands at her side, wiping them down the front of her dress.

Ben's brows drew together. "Ok. Yes. I agree."

Rey nodded. "Good. Great. So – I'll see you tonight after your performance and we'll talk." She looked anywhere but at him, clearing her throat as her face heated. "A-and just talking. We – We can't sleep together again."

When Ben didn't answer, she chanced a glance at him. He was frowning at her, clearly unhappy. She couldn't hold his gaze, nodding at him as she hurried out the door, face still hot.

Tonight, she would get answers.

Tonight, she would finally move on from Ben Solo.