Author's Note: Ahh thank you so much for the reviews! I get so pumped when I see them and read them with my husband! I think I've got a very clear idea of what I want to happen next and I really hope you guys like it. Also, I was thinking about creating a Spotify playlist of the songs I listen to while writing. I think it might add to the ambiance of the story. Let me know if you guys might like something like that! Anywho, we are back and this chapter is gonna start with Rick.

Rick leaned back into his desk chair and sighed. It had been another boring Tuesday night. He was on desk duty unless a dispatch call came through and so far the night had been quiet. He supposed nothing was better than a busy night but he suddenly wished he had volunteered to go out on the coffee run instead of letting Daryl go.

He thought about calling Carl to see what he was up to. He was at Lori's apartment tonight, no doubt locking himself in his room while Lori and Shane did- whatever.

He pushed himself up from his chair and made his way towards the staff kitchen. He supposed now was as good as any time to heat up his Hot Pocket dinner.

He unwrapped his sad meal and threw it into the microwave just as Eugene's voice rang through his radio.

"Uh weird request here. But I need an officer or two at 2461 Ironwood Dr. We have someone requesting to be arrested?"

Rick paused for a moment as he considered his words. Eugene was an interesting guy that was for sure and sometimes the way he talked over the radio was… odd. But Rick couldn't figure out what was wrong with the young boy tonight.

The address sounded familiar and that peaked Rick's interest more than the request for an arrest.

"Eugene can you repeat? Someone wants another person arrested, Is that correct?"

"Negative. Someone called and THEY want to be arrested. A call from a Mr. Desmond Gavins requesting that an officer come pick him up before he, and I quote, 'kills this son of a bitch'." Eugene explained and Rick raised a brow at the last name.

Gavins wasn't a common last name around here and the only other person he knew to have it was Michonne.

"Alright I'm on my way out." Rick finally said as he tossed out his hot pocket.

He reached his desk just as Daryl came into the office with a bag of donuts tucked under his chin and a cup holder of coffee in his hand.

"What the hell is Eugene talkin about now?"

"Some sort of disturbance on Ironwood- or I guess the promise of a disturbance?" Rick said distractedly as he pulled on his sheriff's bomber. His phone rang and he looked down to see Lori was calling. He sighed and thought about sending her call straight to voicemail but thought better of it and answered.

"Look Lori I-." He began but stopped when there were tears on the other line.

"Dad?"

"Carl?" He mumbled and Daryl looked at Rick with a frown.

"Dad can you come get me?" Carl pleaded into the phone and Rick sighed. "I'm not feeling very good and I don't think being here is helping." He mumbled miserably and Rick's heart broke for his son.

"What's wrong? Is your stomach hurting? Maybe ask your mom for some ginger ale or some pepto bismol." Rick suggested and Carl took a shaky breath.

"P-please d-dad." He said quietly and Rick nodded his head as he picked up the keys to his cruiser.

"I'm on my way." He said as he disconnected the call.

"What's going on with lil bit?" Daryl asked and Rick smiled at the old nick name.

"Not sure yet. But I am sure Carl would kick your ass if he knew you were still calling him that old name."

"I mean it's a good name...Boy is a lil bit of you lil bit of Lori.." Daryl grumbled as he picked at some dirt under his nails.

"But look, I need you to take Martinez with you. I need to go see about Carl." Rick explained and Daryl shook his head.

"Hell no I ain't going anywhere with Martinez. Guy's a bigger asshole than me."

"Yeah well he's the only other asshole on duty tonight." Rick headed for the door as Daryl mumbled and cursed at his back.

"Oh and uh keep me posted on this call. I should be back." Rick said as he exited the office.

Panic.

It drew the walls in close and brought the ceiling within an inch of his scalp. His fear and anxiety was so palpable it seemed as though the room was breathing menacingly around him. He had never felt like this before.

Sure he had felt anxious about things before.

Like the anxiety he felt before a big test, or before stepping up to bat. Hell, he even felt a new type of panic when he first talked to Enid.

But nothing ever quite as horrifying as this.

It was his mom's week to have him and that meant spending most nights in his room with music blaring through his headphones and his eyes shut tight.

He usually just spent his week with his mother waiting to be back at home with his dad.

But tonight Shane was home too and made an annoying effort to keep him out of his room. He took Carl's phone and threatened to keep it if Carl didn't engage in more time with him and Lori.

Carl decided to ask to be excused from whatever the hell Shane was trying to do (or prove) and hoped he could just sleep this week away.

He fell asleep pretty easily but his dreams however were much scarier than he bargained for.

He woke up with his shirt plastered to his back, his whole body was drenched in a cold sweat. His hands clutched at his sheets and he tried to steady his breathing.

But he couldn't calm down no matter what he tried.

He could still hear the gunshots in his ears and could taste the bitter metallic of blood in his mouth.

He thought about going to talk to his mom but when he went into the hallway he saw the door way closed and could hear cheesy music coming from the room- a sign that clearly said "stay the fuck away".

Carl stumbled into the kitchen and fixed himself a tall glass of water. He think he finally understood why adults drank themselves to death.

He looked over to the dining room table and saw his mom's phone. He grabbed it and took the phone into his room.

He unlocked the phone and quickly dialed one of the only numbers he had memorized.

"Dad?"

Rick didn't realize how fast he was driving until he jerked forward at a red light. He took the light to give himself a moment to calm down. He needed a level head for whatever waited for him.

Carl didn't need his anger.

He had never heard Carl sound so scared- so small, certainly not since the shooting.

The light turned green and he pressed on the gas a little harder. He wasn't about to let Carl be afraid any longer.

Rick took two steps at a time to get to Lori and Shane's second level apartment and raised his fist to knock on the door. He knocked once.. and then twice. And was about to knock a third time a bit more forcefully when Lori answered the door her eyes narrowed to slits.

"Rick what's going on?" She asked as she looked around the apartment hallway to see if any of the neighbors were looking.

"Where's Carl?" Rick asked and Lori's eyes widened as she looked behind her.

"In his room I know he is." Lori insisted and Rick called out into the apartment.

"Carl! Carl come out son, I'm here!" Rick yelled and Lori grabbed his arm harshly.

"Please not so loud. The neighbors-." She stopped when she saw the look in Rick's eyes. "What you don't believe me? Carl's been in his room all night." Lori cried and Rick pushed past her into the apartment.

Shane came out of the bedroom with a frown on his face.

"Mind tellin me what the hell you are doing in my house?" Shane asked and Rick glared right back at him.

"Apartment." Rick couldn't stop himself from making the petty correction and he saw Shane roll his eyes.

"It's still our week with Carl." Shane said and Rick cringed.

He was pretty sure he'd never get used to his soon to be ex wife and former partner and friend as a unit.

Rick ignored them and he went to Carl's door. He knocked once and Shane went over to Lori and whispered harshly to her- something he'd have to revisit later.

"Carl it's dad." Rick said gently and if he hadn't been listening he would had missed Carl telling him to come in.

He slipped into the dark room and closed the door, leaving Shane and Lori behind him.

"Hey- do you have a headache?" Rick asked as he searched for his son in the dark. It would explain the darkness. If his migraines were anything like Lori's he instantly understood the tears and isolation.

"No. No headache." Carl answered and Rick nodded although he doubted Carl could see him.

He shrugged off his coat and felt around the room. When his eyes adjusted to the darkness he saw Carl sitting on the floor in front of the Closet with his knees pulled to his chest.

Rick took a seat next to him and wrapped an arm around him. Carl rested his head against Rick's shoulder and they sat together for a moment.

"What happened?" Rick finally asked and that set Carl off. He cried so hard his whole body shook against Ricks. Rick held him closer and wished for a moment he could take away whatever Carl was feeling.

"I feel like I couldn't breathe. L-like I can't breathe." Carl managed to say through tears and Rick was encouraged by the fact that Carl was speaking. "It felt like everything was coming down on me. Like everything was over." Carl whispered and Rick held him even tighter.

Rick recognized the signs of a panic attack anywhere. His grandfather had them after he served in the war, although most people just called him a nervous man. And his mom having grown up with him in the house, became pretty nervous and had her own panic attacks while she was growing up.

Rick had them in middle school and was too terrified to tell anyone what happened. Many nights he laid awake in his bed praying for mercy from God because surely, he was dying. They only got worse in high school and it was a school psychologist in college who finally diagnosed him with anxiety and explained exactly what a panic attack is.

Unfortunately it seemed Carl had inherited this from him too. Whether good or bad Carl truly was his boy.

"Carl I think you're having a panic attack." Rick said gently and he could feel Carl's breathing pick up next to him. "And buddy it doesn't have to be a bad thing." Rick insisted quietly and he felt Carl relax a bit against him.

"Why is this happening to me?" Carl whispered and Rick shrugged.

"Trauma maybe. Or maybe genetics. Grandma Delilah's dad, Papa Richard, started gettin really nervous after he came back from the war. Mama said that he would have nightmares and would lock himself in the room for hours. Mama had them too. I had them." Rick admitted and Carl felt a little better knowing other people in his family went through something similar.

"What happened to you?" Carl asked and Rick took a breath.

"It was my senior year of high school and your Uncle was just finishing up his sophomore year. He uh," Rick's eyes became misty at the memory but he continued, "He did something really brave that year and came out of the closet." Rick explained and Carl sat up straighter.

"It was maybe scarier to do that then than it is to do it now. But he needed to do it. For himself." Rick explained and Carl stared at him through the darkness. "Anyways, he was gettin some shit from some people but nothin he couldn't handle- or so he said. We always walked home together but I was so caught up in this girl I didn't want to walk with him one day." Rick said quietly and he cringed thinking back at his thoughtlessness.

He was so quiet that Carl reached out and grabbed Rick's hand. Rick squeezed his hand in return and felt encouraged to continue.

"I uh. I didn't get home until later- Mama was out and Dad was at work. I was the one that found him outside the house." Rick said bitterly into the silence and Carl nodded. "People saw him- I know they did and nobody did anythang. He was just laying there on the front lawn, barely conscious."

Carl gasped. He never knew his uncle had been terrorized about his sexuality. He was so happy and unapologetic about himself that Carl never would have guessed something traumatic happened to him.

"I think I had a panic attack everyday your uncle was in the hospital. I felt like everything was coming down on me, I felt so guilty."

"But you didn't do anything." Carl spoke up and Rick shook his head.

"But you couldn't tell me that. It felt like I had this enormous amount of responsibility on my shoulders. I didn't do right by your uncle. I had to do something, but panic- fear rooted me in the ground. I didn't do anythang." Rick spat and Carl waited quietly for his next words.

"They never found out who did that to Aaron. But soon everyone moved on including Aaron. But I felt like I was still treading water. I still had nightmares and days where the panic knocked the air out of me."

"How did you get through it?" Carl asked and Rick smiled.

"Like this. I finally started talking about it. With your uncle, with mama and dad. They didn't always understand but they always listened. And then when I was finally diagnosed with anxiety in college it helped explain a lot. Strangely it took some of the guilt away."

"So it never goes away?" Carl mumbled sadly and Rick shook his head.

"Maybe not but you learn to live with it. I think it made me a better cop. More compassionate. More aware." Rick said and Carl felt himself smile.

"Uncle Aaron is so brave. You're so brave dad." Carl said with such conviction that Rick almost sobbed.

"You are too Carl. You're such a brave boy. And me and you, we're going to figure this out. I will not let your anxiety get the best of you." Rick promised and he felt around for his phone which was buzzing in his jean pocket.

"Sorry for calling you away from work." Carl apologized and Rick waved away his apology and he looked down at the missed call from the Captain.

"I'm where I need to be." Rick insisted as he saw a message from the Captain come through.

Get here now.

"How about I take you back to my place. Don't worry about this being your moms week I'll handle that." Rick said as he stood up from the floor extending his hand out to Carl.

"Can I come back to the station with you?" Carl asked and Rick scratched at his brow. He wasn't so sure about bringing Carl into the station. He didn't know what was waiting for him over there and wasn't sure it was the best environment for a person coming down from a panic attack.

"I dunno buddy." Rick mumbled and Carl fell onto the bed. Rick took The opportunity to turn on the light. Carl look much better than he imagined and his face was only a little red from the remnants of his tears.

He smiled at his only son and nodded his head.

"Pack your stuff and we'll swing by the station. Daryl picked up some donuts and we should get some before we go home." Rick said and Carl perked up and began packing his things. "I'll be out here."

Rick stepped out of his son's room and closed the door behind him. He was greeted by an angry Lori and even angrier Shane.

"What happened?" Shane asked and Rick ignored him and acknowledged Lori.

"He's having panic attacks Lori. And I want to know why he didn't feel comfortable enough to talk to you

Lori's face softened as she took in the information. She looked over Rick shoulder at the door and sighed.

"He had been acting a little moody tonight but nothing out of the usual. I'm sorry I should've known. He really is your son." Rick felt that might have been a slight at him but ignored it.

"You have to come to therapy with us tomorrow. No excuses. Also I think we should look into getting him some one on one therapy maybe with Michonne," he explained himself when he saw the confusion on Lori's face, " she's from the school. She also conducts the group therapy sessions." He explained and Lori nodded.

"He's also gonna come with me. Spend the rest of the week with me." Rick said and Shane snorted in disbelief. "You got a problem with that Shane?"

"Nah Rick I ain't got a problem." Shane gritted out and Rick tilted his head a bit and narrowed his eyes at him.

Carl opened the door abruptly and all the adults turned to him. He cringed and Lori stepped forward and pulled him into an awkward embrace.

"Oh baby, you could have come talk to me." She cried into his head and he hugged his mother back weakly.

"I'm sorry mom." He mumbled and Lori shook her head violently.

"Nothing to apologize for." She said firmly and he pulled away.

"Bye mom. Bye Shane." Carl murmured as he left the apartment.

" I have more to talk more with you two about." Rick said with one final look as he followed behind Carl.

Rick lead Carl into the station and pointed him to his desk. He opened the bag of donuts on his desk and picked out a plain cake. He saw his Captain standing behind his desk talking to Daryl and two women.

"I'll be there if you need me." Rick said as he took a bite of the doughnut and then placed it down on his desk.

He knocked on the door and the Captain barked for him to come in. He almost stumbled over his feet when he saw that one of the women sitting there was Michonne and an older white woman. Rick locked eyes with Michonne and he frowned but moved over to where Daryl stood.

He looked her over for any obvious signs of trauma but she seemed to be the same poised woman he knew. Even under the harsh fluorescent light of the Captain's office she still look quite beautiful. She had her hair up into a ponytail and had a Spelman hoodie pulled over her petite frame. He looked down and noticed she was wearing red and green plaid pajamas. This made him smile.

"Grimes. This is Mrs. Deanna Moore and Michonne Gavins. They're here for Desmond Gavins, they're also here to make a formal report against Michael Freeman." Captain Lee explained as he took a seat behind his desk. "Dixon I want you to take Ms. Monroe over to see her husband and Grimes I want you to take Ms. Gavins to make her report." Captain ordered and Daryl and Rick nodded.

Daryl escorted Deanna out of the room and Rick watched as Michonne struggled to get out of her seat without cringing. He held his hand out to her and she thanked him before taking his help to stand up.

They left behind Daryl and Deanna and as they walked by Rick's desk Carl saw his new friend and perked up.

"Ms Gavins!" He waved excitedly and Michonne turned to see the young boy waving her over to where he was sitting.

"Carl-." Rick began as he stared between Michonne and his son.

"Hey Carl." She greeted warmly and Rick saw as she transformed herself into someone else. She sat up straighter and walked over to Carl with a wide smile. "I'll tell you cops are getting younger and younger." She said with a wink over her shoulder to Rick and he smiled. Carl offered her a pick of the remaining doughnuts and she grabbed a plain cake.

Rick smiled as she took a bite and crossed her eyes with a moan.

"The sign of a good bakery is if they have mastered the classic," She took another bite and grinned, "Cake doughnut." Carl laughed at her antics and shook his head as he took another bite of his own frosting and sprinkle covered doughnut. Michonne also seemed genuinely excited to see Carl and noticed that his speech was much better even within the last week she had seen him.

"Dad likes those too." Carl said as he looked over to Rick and Michonne smiled.

"Uh Ms. Gavins, we can go into this room right over here." Rick said as he held his arm out over to a room in the far corner of the department.

"See you later Carl." Michonne departed and followed behind Rick.

Rick felt bad about how impersonal the room felt. There was just a metal desk in the middle of the room with a chair on both sides . Michonne pulled her sleeves further down her arms and smiled at Rick as he shut the door behind him and pulled out her chair.

He made sure she was comfortable before sitting down across from her and straightening up his pad of paper. He reached inside his pocket for his phone and opened up the recording app.

"Are you okay?" Rick asked all his formal training going out the door. He was genuinely worried about her.

"Besides my father being arrested for beating the shit out of my ex-boyfriend? I'm okay." She smiled and Rick couldn't quite smile back. He still felt anxiety bubbling up in him and he wasn't sure why he was so bothered by her.

"Well it seems that there isn't any charges against you father." Rick said trying to keep things on the bright side and Michonne shrugged.

"No, I don't think Mike is dumb enough to actually press charges against him." Michonne sighed and Rick tapped his pen against his paper.

"Tell me what happened. Why are we here?" He asked and Michonne leaned back into the chair. She stared at Rick and he looked at her right back. He knew deep down what had happened to her but he needed to hear it.

"He's sick. He can have a temper." Michonne said quietly and Rick shook his head and narrowed his eyes at her.

"Bullshit." Rick said and Michonne raised a brow and smirked.

"Bullshit?" She laughed and Rick nodded as he began to write a few things down.

"I know plenty of people who have 'temper problems' and that don't have anything to do with layin their hands on their woman." Rick reasoned and Michonne nodded as she looked down at his hands.

"He'd maybe pushed me against a wall a few times in college but nothing really since then. Nothing as bad as a couple of nights ago."

"He hit you?" Rick asked voice low and Michonne pulled her sweatshirt over her head and Rick bit back his anger at the sight of the ugly bruises on Michone's arms, chest. "Have you had it looked at?" Rick mumbled as he tore his eyes away from the ugly marks on Michonne's otherwise beautiful skin.

"Not yet but I will. Don't think he broke anything." She said with a laugh and Rick recognized that she was nervous.

"And your boy?" He asked afraid of the answer and Michonne quickly shook her head no.

"Never him."

Rick nodded and wrote that down and silently encouraged Michonne to continue.

"He was upset about something stupid, I think I had asked him the wrong question- guess it doesn't really matter. He just was," She swallowed as she recalled that night, "So angry."

"And this was unusual for him?" Rick asked feeling his leg bounce under the table. He could himself getting more and more upset as Michonne told him what had happened.

"Indifference is more his speed. Every once in a while he likes to switch it up and be angry. Something about that night- maybe it was the drugs, the alcohol, but he just wouldn't stop. He hit me, pushed me down on the ground and kicked me again and again." She said so quietly that Rick had to strain to hear her.

"And the bruises around your neck?" Rick asked and Michonne was surprised that he could see them underneath her fading concealer.

"He was angry." She simply said and he nodded his understanding as he paused the recording and rubbed at his eyes.

He felt sick to his stomach he was so angry. Of course as an officer he had seen many cases of violence against women and a few times he had witnessed the few who weren't lucky enough to get away. Men like Mike were almost never served the justice they deserved and the thought of him getting away with this made anger boil over in him.

Noticing Rick's change in attitude Michonne pulled her sweatshirt back on and gazed at him gently.

"But I'm okay. I'm staying with my mother and father in Atlanta." Michonne said and she found herself reassuring Rick instead of the other way around.

"You shouldn't have to leave your house. Shouldn't have to uproot your own life like that."

Michonne noticed that his breaths were much more calculated and that he seemed much more quiet and less confident than he usually was.

"I'm sorry." Rick mumbled and Michonne nodded as she stared at the blank walls. She was a professional too after all and she could recognize this was affecting Rick.

"You have panic attacks often?" She asked and Rick stared at her his eyes hazing over and he nodded slightly.

"Since I was real young." He answered and Michonne looked at him sympathetically.

"Are you having one now?" She asked and Rick laughed. He was the one who was supposed to be asking her questions, he was supposed to be helping her.

"I think so." He answered honestly and Michonne stood up from her chair. He figured she was moving to leave the room, maybe ask for someone else to talk to her- someone who wasn't so emotional.

She surprised him when she moved her chair over to his side of the desk. He didn't stop her when she sat next to him. She didn't touch him but he still felt comforted by her presence.

"I usually do this exercise with my clients in my office or at my home but I suppose we can still do it here." Rick watched her every move as she glanced around the room. "Tell me what you see." She said and he stared at her not having realized she requested something of him.

"What?" He mumbled and she smiled gently like she was approaching a spooked fawn.

"What do you see in this room. Anything?" She asked again and Rick finally looked away from her and around the pretty barren room.

"I see uh," His voice gritted, "A chair. A desk. A clock over there." He said with a flick of his head and Michonne continued to gaze at him.

"What else?"

"I see my phone. My pen and my paper. I can see a spider in the corner." Rick said as he connected eyes with her again and he noticed his breathing was almost back to normal. "I see you."

"And how do you feel?" She asked and he took a deep breath before answering."Better I guess. More aware of where I am." He answered and she smiled slightly. He cheeks burned in embarrassment. He really didn't mean for this to become a mini session for himself. "How did you do that?""I didn't really do anything. But I find that exercise can help to bring you back, noticing things in your surroundings can ground you." She explained and he wiped at his eyes. He was suddenly exhausted.

"I think I should excuse myself from this case, from you." Rick mumbled as he stood up and Michonne stood up as well catching his arm in her hand.

"Why?" She asked and Rick looked down into her dark brown eyes. So much pain and beauty stared back at him and he almost reconsidered.

"I think the lines have been blurred." He answered and Michonne released his arm with a sort of resignation.

"I just want to do better by Andre."

"You and your boy deserve so much more than this." Rick said and Michonne gave him a watery smile. "I know we don't know each other very well but you've got to believe me when I say you deserve better."

"I'm trying to do better for me and Andre but, it's hard." She admitted and Rick wondered how anybody could give this woman anything short of the world.

"I think you are," He demands her stare and she holds her breath awaiting his next work, "sublime." He whispered and and she shook her head dismissively

"I'm really not. I'm just Michonne." She laughed lightly and Rick grabbed her arm. He was careful to avoid her wounds and Michonne was grateful for the gentle touch.

"That's so much more than any one in this town deserves." Rick said with a sad smile and Michonne shook her head.

"You don't deserve someone to be there for you? Carl doesn't?" She inquired and Rick just stared at her.

"I know you're just doing your job but- you amaze me. Every moment I'm near you I am amazed. You give your heart and house to people who need it. " Rick said as he stared at her in awe. He realized the vulnerability he was showing her by saying this but after today he couldn't possibly go without saying this. Woman like her deserved to be told things like this everyday.

"I'll tell the captain I want off the case. But I'll also suggest a protective order against Mike and will make sure he's investigated." Rick looked at her one last time before leaving the room.

He always felt a bit more lifted whenever he had even a moment in Michonne's presence but today the anger still remained.

As he approached the Captain's office he decided that he was going to pay a visit to Michael Freeman tomorrow.

Well Mike's fucked. But I mean did you guys really think I was going to let this go without Rick going all batshit? It's going to get better for our friends, and then maybe worse.. and then it's going to be amazing. You just gotta trust me!