A/N: Very sorry this is so late, guys. Part of it is because this was a difficult (and heavy) chapter to write, and I had to be delicate with it, and part of it is because I didn't really get many reviews last chapter, so I wasn't necessarily motivated to write it and puzzle it out.

"Catch me! Again!"

"Wait! Slow down! ANNA!"

"Elsa, what have you done?"

In a split second, I had done something irreversible. I had shot an icicle at my sister. It didn't matter to me that it had missed her by an inch, just scraping her ear before flying harmlessly past her. No. All that mattered was that I had almost killed my baby sister – again.

My hands flew up to my mouth and I let out a strangled sound. Trying to put as much distance between us as possible, I stumbled back, tripping over a pile of ice shards and landing on my rear. It didn't matter. I picked myself up, ignoring the cuts on my arms and the fact that the razor-sharp pieces shredded the fabric of my sleeves. My snow queen dress was now tainted red, and it seemed fitting to me.

Anna brought a hand up to her ear and winced at the small cut there before deciding it wasn't important. "Elsa?" she asked again, her voice a mixture of emotions that I couldn't pick apart. She took a step towards me.

That motivated me to keep walking backwards. I held my trembling hands out in front of me, trying to stop her. "S-stay aw-way," I commanded, my voice quivering from the sudden fear.

Once again, Anna tried to step forward, and I felt a surge of panic overtake me. Ice sprouted out from my feet, covering an already-frosted ground in another layer.

"Stay away, Anna!" I shouted with more confidence this time. "Please! I don't want to hurt you again. Just… Just stay back…"

If she noticed me say 'again', she didn't mention it. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was desperately trying to blink them back. "You're not going to hurt me," she said carefully, slowly. "You're my sister. You'd never hurt me."

"Then what do you call the fucking icicle I just shot at you!?" I screamed, feeling the air around me get even colder. The wind was picking up, too, and snowflakes were formed with it, beginning to swirl around me. "Two inches to the left, and you'd be dead!"

"You didn't do that on purpose!" she insisted, taking another step. "You wouldn't do it on purpose! Please, Elsa, just calm down. You're not breathing right. Try to breathe for me, please!"

Angrily, I turned and crossed my arms tightly over my chest, no longer able to look at her. "I can't!" I cried, briskly walking away again and trying to ignore the wind and snow which was beginning to swirl around the parking lot. "I forget how," I added, quieter.

I could track where she was by the crunching sounds of her shoes on my piles of ice shards. When she got too close again, I whirled around, meeting her gaze imploringly. "Please, Anna," I whispered, my throat too tight for me to raise the volume much higher. "You need to stay away. I know you think you can fix everything, but you can't. You can't fix me."

Desperation flashed across her face and she tried to wipe away her tears. She was quickly becoming distressed that her normal tactics for calming me down were only making things worse.

"I-it's okay, Elsa. It's okay. Just stop this storm – stop this storm and let me hug you. E-everything will be better, I promise. Just let me in!"

I bit my lip, realizing right then exactly what I had to do.

There was only one way to keep her safe. I didn't like it. I hated it, in fact. It would destroy me to shut her out again, but just like before, if it was the only way she'd be okay… It would break her heart. It would crush her.

Why had I been so foolish? Why had I let her in? Monsters didn't deserve friends, and they didn't deserve family.

Papa had once told me that it was the fool that truly deserved to be alone. The fool was the man who never thought things through. He was the one who hurt people because he didn't consider the consequences. The fool was a monster – a perfect, innocent monster, in and of himself. The fool was the man who disregarded the danger he posed and tried to actually live, ultimately hurting everyone he'd ever loved and who'd ever loved him.

The fool is the young girl with ice powers who carelessly covered a room in snow for the purpose of play – the girl who then shot her magic by accident into her baby sister's head. Reckless.

The fool is the young woman who believed that she was anything more than a cold vessel of rage and fear – the woman who would stab a man in the chest without even knowing it, who would shoot an icicle at her baby sister's head without even realizing it was her baby sister. Selfish.

I just had to put my walls back up. I had to isolate myself again because then, maybe the world would be safe. Just like before, I had to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and create a shape that might actually resemble what it's supposed to be. I wouldn't be able to function if Anna was hurt.

I could put myself aside if I knew that Anna was going to be okay. I could shatter myself like the sculptures, as long as Anna was okay. If she were gone, then there would be no name for my heart to say.

Anna. Anna. Th-thump. Anna.

It was so painfully clear, and I was certain that I had zoned out, because when everything came back into focus, Anna was a lot closer than I remembered. I took a step back instinctually, trying to put more distance between us. The hope that had been on her face flickered, and then disappeared completely.

The storm had paused, it seemed. The snowflakes hung in the air, suspended. I exhaled slowly, the constant thumping of my heart in my ears just another reminder of why this was so important. The world had come back into clear, sharp focus, and all I could see was Anna in the middle of it. She said something, but I didn't hear it. I wasn't even sure if I was breathing at all, and quite frankly, I didn't care. I had to protect her. I had to protect her from me.

"I want you moved out of my apartment tomorrow."

Anna inhaled sharply and I refused to meet her gaze – partially because I knew I wouldn't be able to. She took a step back, hurt, and then rubbed her sleeve against her face to dry it. When her arm was back down by her side, she took a deep breath. Let it out. Back in. Back out. As if she were trying to steady herself.

"Elsa, you can't seriously mean…" she said after a few moments, but her voice cracked horribly and she had to swallow hard. Every word she said was like a knife in my heart, but I knew that I had to stick by my resolve. "But what about… What about Trish?"

With great effort, I shrugged nonchalantly. There were still specks of snow in the air, but they weren't moving. Not when I had shut down my emotions so suddenly and so violently, all with the sound of my heart's voice in my ears.

"You'll figure it out," I said. "You're a strong girl."

Anna bit her lip and shook her head. She was trembling from head-to-toe, and her eyes were filled with despair and betrayal. "This can't be happening…" she murmured under her breath, almost too quiet for me to hear. "Elsa, please," she raised her voice a little now. "Please, you can't do this. Not again. You can't just lead me on like you have and then shut me out again!"

I looked around, my eyes landing anywhere but on Anna. It was hard to maintain my cool exterior with her looking so desperate and upset. "I don't want you to speak to me again. I want you to stay away."

"But… But why?" she croaked. "Because of the snow? I don't care about the snow! You haven't hurt me before, and I know you're not going to start now. What other possible reason could you have for ruining something so good? Something so amazing?"

"I don't care about you."

There was a dull ache in my chest as I said those horrible, horrible words, but I guessed it was nothing compared to what Anna must be feeling. That was okay. She'd heal. She'd done it before. She could do it again. I didn't know if I could heal, but again, that was okay. I didn't need to heal. I just needed her to. If the best way for her to be safe was to be away from me, then I would do everything in my power to ensure that that happened.

How stupid must I have been, to think that I could actually have friends and family?

I didn't pay attention to Anna's reaction. I was hyperaware of everything else, but I blocked her out as I turned and walked briskly away, my arms crossed over my chest. After a few minutes, I heard her walk away. I heard her get in the car she had arrived in. I heard her leave.

I remained put.

Eventually, I fell to my knees, not caring about the shards on the ground that cut into my delicate flesh. I was empty, completely numb. I had voided myself of emotions so that I was nothing but a shell of a person, surrounded by soft white specks in the air.

Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. That's what Papa had said, isn't it? He was such a wise man. I don't think I ever appreciated that about him before he and Mama got into their accident. She was smart, too. They knew how to deal with me, in a way that I had never come to understand or appreciate.

'We'll draw the blinds. Enroll her in online school. We'll limit her contact with people, and keep her powers hidden from everyone. Including Anna."

What a smart, smart man. Why had I been so completely stupid? Why had I actually begun to doubt that they knew what was best? I had dishonored them by letting people get close. I was a traitor of the most heinous sort.

Dante's ninth circle of hell is reserved for traitors like you.

I never did deserve anything more. Someone who just hurts other people, over and over – she didn't deserve anything more. The fool deserves nothing more. I am one and all – the fool, the monster, the liar, the traitor, the neglector, the devil. It seemed that there was no one that was out of the woods, so to speak, when it came to my reign of destructiveness.

Unlimited. I was unlimited in my fury. In my rage. In my path of pain and sorrow. I had to get back into the cage, because that was the only way I could end my cruelties. It was okay. I could pick up the pieces. I could deal with all of that tomorrow. Today, though… Today, I was going to succumb to this strange clarity, sitting on my knees in the ice fragments, breathing slowly under the pale moonlight.

I remained put.

When I had gotten back to my apartment, nearing noon, Anna's stuff was gone. The manifestations of my powers in that parking lot had evaporated away to nothingness. Things were back to normal, back to how they were four months ago, as if the last four months hadn't existed at all.

It was Sunday morning, and I was laying on my inflatable mattress. I didn't want to touch the couch – it had been contaminated now. If I touched it, then it would bring back a flood of memories, and I was having a hard enough time dealing with what I'd done.

I was restless, and I quickly sat up with a sigh. Marshmallow meowed and nudged my hand with his nose, causing me to withdraw with a sharp inhale. My hands were dangerous. I couldn't let anyone touch them. How had I forgotten?

I set my jaw and swung my legs off of the side of the mattress. My stomach complained for food, but I ignored it. I didn't care. I drifted down the hallway towards the bedroom at the end of it, my hand hesitating on the doorknob. I closed my eyes and steeled myself, half-expecting for there for be a fire behind the door. Half-hoping.

Of course, there wasn't.

My room looked exactly as it was when I left it, almost a year and a half ago, and exactly how it was a week ago when I dug my old tapes out to show Anna on the anniversary of our parents' deaths.

Was that only last week?

It didn't matter.

I gravitated towards the dresser against the far wall, opening the bottom drawer. From within it, I brought out a box and set it on top of the bed. I had vowed to myself that I'd never open this box again, but, well… That was a ridiculous promise. I should have known better.

I don't remember reaching into my bra and withdrawing the key that I always stored in there. It was just suddenly in my hand, and then in the lock. I turned it, pausing only for a second before opening the box.

My heart forgot how to beat as I took in the sight of the box's interior. Inside the container was pretty much everything I had had up until The Incident when I was eight. And my gloves. Those were in there, too.

Before reaching for those, though, I grabbed the worn old penguin plushie, staring down at him intensely. "Sir Jorgenbjorgen…" I whispered, running my thumb and forefinger over the yarn on the top of his head. With a pained wince, I set him back inside and grabbed the simple silver and blue brooch that was underneath him. "Mama's brooch…" I put that back into the box, finally landing my gaze on the pale blue satin gloves.

With a sigh, I withdrew them. "My old friends." If I did, indeed, ever have friends, then these were it. I chewed my lip for a moment before closing the box again and slipping the key back into my bra.

I grabbed the gloves and slowly slid my hands inside, breathing out at the familiar feeling of them.

There was a meow from my doorway and I glance sharply towards it, seeing Olaf cautiously sniff his surroundings. That was another issue entirely.

With my hands now secured in gloves, I closed the door behind me after nudging Olaf out of the way. I tried not to think as I grabbed my keys off of the counter and drove to the nearest supermarket.

My phone had been buzzing pretty much all day with calls and texts from Anna and Graham and Christy, but I ignored them. I didn't even glance at the texts and voicemails before deleting them. I couldn't keep anyone close.

"Elsa?"

I turned from where I had been examining one of the commercial cat carriers from the pet aisle of the supermarket. There was that one girl – the one from the thrift store. What was her name? Delilah? Yeah, that sounded right. Delilah.

There was concern in her big, green eyes. "Are you alright? It's me, Delilah. From the thrift store?" Ten points to Elsa. "I've been a bit worried about you – I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable there."

"It's alright," I said.

"Is your sister here?"

I returned my gaze to the cat carriers, running my gloved thumb idly down one of them. "No," I answered, my voice sounding as if it was coming from somewhere else.

Delilah shifted her weight nervously. Her gaze landed on the cat carrier I was studying. "Are you getting a cat?"

"No," I repeated, a bit slower this time. A dull ache blossomed in my chest and I did my best to ignore it. "Would you like one?" I asked after a minute.

She stared at me in a mixture of shock and confusion. "Wh-what? A cat?"

"Yeah. I'm getting rid of mine."

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing's wrong with them," I told her in a slow voice. "They are perfectly good cats. Very sweet. I'm getting rid of them. I can't keep them. Would you like one? Or both?"

She gave a small shake of her head. "I-I can't get a cat… My roommate is allergic. I… I appreciate the offer, though," she replied in a small voice.

I stared at her for a moment, and then nodded. I grabbed two of the carriers and began walking towards the register, effectively ending the conversation. I could hear Delilah sigh in frustration behind me, but I didn't care. It didn't matter.

I didn't feel aware of much as I purchased the carriers and drove back to my apartment. I put myself aside. I didn't let the pain in, because if I did, the sheer amount of it could cause me to cover the entire country in an unending winter.

The next half hour was a blur as I corralled Olaf and Marshmallow into their carriers without actually touching them with my hands. Olaf was fairly easy – he loved exploring new places, so I was able to quickly trap him inside. Marshmallow, however, proved to be a bit more difficult, and I was only able to get him to go in willingly when I put a piece of chicken inside.

I loaded the two carriers into the passenger seat of my truck, ignoring Marshmallow's pitiful cries. I was very good at ignoring those that I loved, you know. There was nothing I was better at.

I inserted the address that I had stored away somewhere in my memory into the GPS on my phone. I didn't remember the way there – not after so long – but I didn't need to remember the way there with the technology of the modern world.

After pulling up into a parking lot, I grabbed the carriers and approached the correct apartment door. I set the restless cats on the ground and knocked on the door.

It opened after a minute, and Graham looked at me in surprise. "Else? What are you doing here? I've been calling you all day."

Rather than respond, I bent down to grab the carriers and then shoved past Graham, forcing my way into his apartment. I set the carriers on his carpet and then stood up straight, crossing my arms and leveling my gaze at him.

"What? What are you doing?"

I gestured half-assedly towards the cats, who seemed to meow on cue. "Leaving them here," I said simply.

He frowned, shaking his head. "Anna said you completely lost it the night before last. Why haven't you been answering your phone? Why are you trying to leave your cats here?"

"Because I don't want them anymore."

"You're being ridiculous, Elsa. What am I supposed to do with them?" he questioned, a mix between confusion and anger written on his face. It was enough to make me look away.

Sighing, I began to feel a bit of my resolve break, especially as Olaf meowed and reached a black and white paw outside the carrier, grasping at straws. "God, I don't know, Graham!" I shouted, taking a step away from him. "Honestly, I don't fucking care, either! Put them back out onto the streets. Give them to a fucking rescue. I don't care. I just don't want them."

Every word I said was like another knife in my mangled, rotten mess of a heart. I had only had Marshmallow for about a week, but it was almost as if he'd always been there. Every night since we got him checked out at the vet, he'd spent curled up on me and purring.

And Olaf…

For years, Olaf had been my only friend. He was even named as a testament to the love I felt for my sister. Losing him was like losing a large chunk of myself. But I wasn't going to risk freezing him. I had been so reckless, but no longer. I loved him far too much.

That was what love was after all, right? Sometimes you had to hurt them in order to save them, and sometimes, you had to tear yourself to shreds to keep them safe. That's what I'd been doing for the past thirteen years, and I was foolish to think that the circumstances would have changed – that I, myself, would have possibly ever been deserving of love in return.

What are you, six? Don't let such silly notions distract you. It's dangerous to dream, and wishing will only wound the heart.

Ironically, I heard the lyrics of one of my songs from Wicked blend with my inner musings of self-hatred.

The song itself, titled 'I'm Not That Girl', is sung by Elphaba as she realizes that she couldn't ever receive the affections of Fiyero, who she likes. She's green. She's different. I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl, she'll sing. I'll sing.

That very well may end up being my best song yet, with how much raw emotion I can put into it now.

"Is this how it's going to be, then?"

I was drawn back into reality by Graham's quiet, bitter question. I met his gaze and saw the tension deep within his dark eyes. There was so much hurt there, too, but that was good. That meant that he'd be safe. If I could scare him away, keep him away from me…

Then he wouldn't be turned into a human popsicle.

That's what I was trying to avoid, anyway.

I pursed my lips, suddenly unable to give him the answer he was looking for. I didn't even try to speak again, merely stalked past him, back towards the front door of his apartment. He moved to block me, but I had slipped out, not wanting to be stopped.

One day… One day, maybe, they'd understand. Everyone that I had to hurt. Maybe they'd understand.

Work that evening had been just about as smooth as the first couple of shifts I had had with Anna, back in August – that is, full of tension and us ignoring each other. She tried to talk to me a couple times, usually about small things, like our MUS203 homework or my recital coming up, but I never engaged. In fact, I spent the entirety of my shift without acknowledging her even once. I didn't even look at her.

She was hurt. I knew she was hurt, but there was nothing I could do. It was for the best. Hurt was better than dead.

Class in the morning didn't go much better. Both Anna and Graham had gotten there early, and they beckoned for me to sit next to them, leaving my seat open and everything, but I didn't even spare them a glance as I went to the back corner of the opposite side of the room. I was zoned out for most of the class, not sketching and not hearing a word that Dr. Rockingham said.

What was worse was the fact that every time I saw Anna, her eyes were red and puffy, as if she'd been crying.

I always worked Monday evenings, and although Anna wasn't there, I was still high-strung as I made it back to my apartment afterwards. It all felt wrong. I had let myself try something amazing, and now, it was so hard to go back to being the lonely girl I used to be.

I turned the light on in my apartment and glared at the couch, which was suddenly starting to tick me off for reasons I could not describe, but for a hint, it's four letters, and it starts with 'a' and ends with 'a'.

Letting out a frustrated growl, I marched over to the couch and braced my gloved hands against an end of it. I began pushing it out of its spot, towards the door. I wasn't expecting for it to be as heavy as it was, though, and barely managed to move it a few inches before my feet slipped. I tried to catch myself, but somehow ended up landing awkwardly on my left foot.

Pain shot up through my ankle and I bit down hard on my tongue to keep myself from crying out. With wide eyes, I stared down at my ankle, barely able to process the pain. I shot a nasty look at the couch, which had caused me to injure myself now. I pushed myself up from the ground, wincing as some of my weight went onto my injured ankle. I tried to keep as much of it on my uninjured leg as I rounded the couch to try a different method.

This time, I hooked my hands underneath the other end of the couch and tried to pull it towards the door. It was still really heavy, and I'm not the most physically strong person, so it took a while, and by the time I got it out the door, my arms and ankle were screaming at me. Still, I pulled it to the side of the curb to get it out of the way.

With the couch now extricated from my apartment, I was able to breathe a little better in there.

At least, until I saw the mug that Anna always used, sitting on the counter. And the blanket and pillow that she always used, folded neatly near the wall. And my hairbrush that she would always use. And the fuzzy socks of mine that she always borrowed. And…

I didn't even think as I began gathering it all into trash bags and bringing them out to the dumpster. My mind was completely clear, focused so fully on trying to clean my apartment of any trace of her because I couldn't handle having them there.

It's not fair, I cried internally. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

When had the world ever given a shit about what was fair, though?

There was a knock on my door and I paused, half-expecting it to be Anna. It was too loud. Too rough. It couldn't have been her. Who would be at my door at half past midnight?

My curiosity eventually won over and I glanced through the peephole, my breath catching in my throat as I saw Kristoff out there. With trembling hands, I opened it, looking out at him blankly.

He looked… in a word, pissed. "What the fuck, Elsa?" he demanded immediately, stepping in the doorway so I couldn't just close the door on him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I tried my best to remain passive, leaning heavily on my uninjured right foot and crossing my arms over my chest. "What do you want?" I spat in spite of the fear building beneath the surface. It occurred to me, once again, just how big Kristoff was…

"What do I want? I want you to stop being such a frigid bitch! You broke her heart, Elsa! How can you even live with yourself?"

Rolling my eyes in a forced sort of casualness, I offered up a shrug. "I didn't want her around anymore," I said, taking all of my willpower not to choke on the lies. "She's loud and annoying."

He gave a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his messy blond hair. "Anna is the most beautiful, pure person in the world and you know it. She forgave you for shutting her out for thirteen years – she forgave you at the drop of a hat, and you just go around, and you shut her out again. You just hurt her again. Don't you feel any sort of remorse for that?"

"No."

He gritted his teeth and looked around my apartment, as if finally taking in the fact that I had just gotten rid of half of my stuff. "Where did your stuff go?" he asked, his voice changing from anger to confusion. "Where are your cats?"

I looked into my apartment, if only to avoid looking at him. "I got rid of them. I get rid of things I don't want." Like her. I couldn't make the words get past my throat, but I was fairly certain he got the gist.

That ignited the spark again and he took a threatening step towards me, causing me to automatically try to step back. My left ankle gave out on me, though, and I had to catch myself with my right, all while glaring levelly at him.

"You're such a heartless bitch, you know that? How can you possibly hurt someone that good? Why do you have to be so… so…" he let out a noise of frustration, and then threw out his hand – likely in a gesture, but I didn't read it as such.

In spite of myself, I let out a small whimper and threw my arms up in front of my face to protect it from the blow that I was sure would come. When it didn't, I lowered them slightly, narrowing my eyes at him.

My reaction seemed to have lessened his anger to a degree, though. At least, enough for it to be a smoldering ember rather than a raging fire. "I told you," he said, his voice cracking. "I told you, back in Harvey's that day, that she has a big heart, and I was worried people would take advantage of it. I never expected for it to be you."

With that, he turned and stalked out of the apartment, not even bothering to close the door.

I sniffled a couple times, furiously trying to keep back the tears, but it was no use, and I ended up collapsing onto my inflatable mattress and sobbing heavily, my arms wrapped tightly around myself.

It's for the best, I reminded myself.

It's for Anna.

A/N: Please leave a review below!