A couple of people have asked to see Shelby being more 'motherly' towards Rachel, so I've tried to work something along those lines into this chapter, I hope you like it!

"Is Mom okay?" Hiram could see the worry in Rachel's eyes when he came back downstairs.

"She's fine" Hiram sat beside Rachel and hugged her tightly, "she's going to take half of one of her pills to try and help her anxiety, I took her up a glass of water. She's going to try and sleep now but she did tell me that you were more than welcome to sleep in her bed tonight."

"Can I go up now?" Rachel asked.

Hiram kissed Rachel's hair, "give her some time" he said softly, "give her medication some time to start working and give her some time to get settled. Why don't we finish the movie and then you can go up to bed once it's done."

Rachel nodded, staying tucked into her Daddy's side, "Okay".

As Hiram and Leroy predicted, Rachel said goodnight and headed upstairs as soon as the credits began to roll, getting ready for bed before making her way to Shelby's room and pushing the door open.

"Hi" Shelby smiled softly as the door creaked open, she hadn't managed to fall asleep but she did feel a lot calmer than she had earlier, the soft music playing from the TV and the low lighting in the room working with her medication to help relax her.

"I didn't mean to wake you" Rachel apologised as she slipped under the covers and curled into her side.

"You didn't" Shelby brushed Rachel's hair from her face, "I haven't managed to fall asleep yet. What are you…" she frowned as Rachel nuzzled closer to her, did her daughter just sniff her?

"You smell…"

"Really?" Shelby frowned, "I know I haven't showered tonight but..."

"No" Rachel's brow furrowed in thought as she tried to work out what it was that was different, but then suddenly it hit her, "have you had a cigarette today?"

Shelby shook her head, "I mentioned wanting to quit to your Dad at the weekend, he bought me some gum and some patches, I'm trying not to."

"I think that's it" Rachel nodded, "you don't smell of cigarettes anymore."

"I take it you approve?"

Rachel shrugged, "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pleased that you're trying to stop, but I didn't mind the smell, I guess it was just part of you."

"Maybe I'm quitting in the hope that one day I'll be able to outrun you" Shelby teased.

"I'd like to see you try" Rachel joked before reaching out to gently stroke Shelby's cheek, "you look tired Mom"

"I am" Shelby admitted.

"Close your eyes" Rachel said quietly, "try and sleep."

Shelby nodded, "I love you Rachel" she whispered, "I know I don't say it, or probably even show it very often but I do love you."

Rachel kissed Shelby's cheek, "I know you love me Mom, you don't need to tell me or make any grand gestures, things like this, laying in bed with me, the way you hug me in a morning and tell me to have a good day before you leave for work, they all show me that you love me. And I love you too."

"Thank you."

"You've got nothing to thank me for" Rachel insisted, "try and get some sleep."

"Okay" Shelby let her eyes close, holding Rachel closely, "I love you."

As always, Rachel's presence somehow helped Shelby slip easily into sleep, and, once she was sure her Mom was asleep, it didn't take long for Rachel to drift off either.

Hiram and Leroy stayed in the living room after Rachel had gone to bed, Leroy knew there was something on his husband's mind but he didn't push him, trusted him to open up when he was ready. They'd put on a repeat of an old sitcom once Rachel had left, neither paying much attention to it, Hiram lost in his thoughts, Leroy's concentration on his husband as he held him in his arms, gently stroking patterns along his spine with his fingertips.

"Do you think Rachel's asleep?" Hiram asked about thirty minutes after she'd gone upstairs. "There's something I want to tell you but I don't want her knowing about it."

"I can go and check if you want?" Leroy offered.

"Please" Hiram nodded, "I need to get something from Shelby's car, "I'll go grab it now."

"Both fast asleep" Leroy said as he came back downstairs to find Hiram back on the couch, a plastic tub held in his hands. Leroy frowned, assuming Hiram had found out that Shelby wasn't eating, that the box of food he made her in a morning was left untouched. "Is that…"

"Shelby asked me to take her to her apartment" Hiram told his husband, "we didn't go there to talk initially we did talk but it came after."

"After what?"

"Shelby gave me this and asked me to get rid of it for her" he handed Leroy the box.

Leroy frowned, "Shelby asked you to get rid of her lun…fuck" he lifted the lid on the tub, completely taken aback by the amount of pills he found himself staring at, "Hiram…"

"She called it her safety net" Hiram told him, "she said that she told herself that if things get too much for her, or if she messes up then she has this to, in her words, 'make it stop'. And the thought of that is awful, knowing she feels that way, but she gave this to me, willingly. It was her decision to get rid of this and she asked me to get rid of it for her, so I'm trying to focus on that."

"Okay" Leroy rubbed at his temples as he mentally counted up the pills in the box, feeling sick as he noticed the dates on some of the prescribed medications, when he realised how long Shelby had been hoarding the pills, how long she'd been feeling so desperate, so low, that ending her life was an option she'd given some serious thought to.

"I told her, I told her that I knew giving us these wouldn't magically stop her feeling that way, so I've told her that she can come to us, either of us. Whenever she needs to. She can call us, text us, wake us in the night, and we'll do whatever we can to keep her safe until she's feeling a little better."

"Absolutely" Leroy nodded, "of course we will."

"She says she thinks her mental health might be getting worse" Hiram told him, "there's a chance it could just be a side effect of the meds, but I think, without being too obvious about it, we need to keep an eye on her, if things do get worse, I don't know if she'd feel able to step up and tell us how she's feeling, we might have to be the ones that reach out to her."

"We can do that" Leroy nodded, "of course we can."

"I think if she was going to do anything she'd have done it by now but I… I don't want to take any chances."

"No, no, it's better to be safe than sorry" Leroy agreed, "Rachel spent about an hour pacing the living room earlier, she was so worried about Shelby, I don't think I even want to think about what would happen to her if..." that if wasn't something Leroy even wanted to think about.

"No, neither do I. But she's fought for this long and she shows no signs of giving up."

"And she's got us now, she's not fighting on her own any more."

"I know" Hiram kissed Leroy softly, tucking himself into his husband's side. "What are we going to do with…" he gestured to the box.

Leroy sighed, "flush them away? I'll put it somewhere she, or Rachel, won't find it, and get rid of them a few at a time until they're gone."

"Okay" Hiram nodded before asking, "can we go to bed now?"

"Of course" Leroy kissed Hiram's head, "you check everything's locked up down here and I'll go put this upstairs out of the way."

Shelby sighed as she turned off her alarm the next morning, she felt more 'with it' than she had the last time she'd taken valium but she still wanted to pull the duvet up over her head and forget about all her responsibilities but she couldn't do that, she had to get up, pull herself together and get ready for another day. She rolled over, taking a nicotine patch from the box she kept in the drawer by the bed, taking that, along with her clothes for the day into the bathroom so she could get ready without worrying about waking Rachel.

She ran her hands through her hair as she looked at herself in the mirror, sighing again at the amount of hair that fell out, maybe she should just cut it all off she mused as she studied her reflection, noticing how tired, how worn down, how old she looked. She knew she hadn't showered the day before, knew she should probably have one now, she definitely had time, but she couldn't find the energy, so, with a defeated sigh, she reached for her dry shampoo, that would do for now, she'd shower tonight.

"Oh, hi" Leroy was surprised to find Shelby at the kitchen table when he came downstairs, "everything okay?"

Shelby nodded as she sipped at her coffee, "yeah, I erm" she shrugged, "yeah" she didn't really know why she hadn't felt like sitting outside that morning, she just hadn't.

"Okay" Leroy didn't push her, "are you ready for another?" he gestured to her mug.

Shelby nodded and downed the last of the coffee she'd made herself, "thanks" she said softly as she handed her mug over.

"Do you want something else?" Leroy asked after watching Shelby push something around her bowl without eating it for a few moments.

"I…" Shelby sighed before shrugging, "I want to eat but it's just not… I don't have an appetite and nothing seems appealing to me."

"What have you got?" Leroy asked as he passed her coffee over.

"Museli, with apple juice, I don't like milk."

Leroy gently squeezed her shoulder, "want me to make you a smoothie or something? See if that's any easier for you?"

"I don't want you to go to any trouble, if I can't manage it then…"

"Then at least you've tried it" he said softly before asking again, "can I?"

Shelby nodded, "thank you."

"Anything in particular you fancy?"

"No, anything's fine."

"Okay" Leroy began taking fruit from the refrigerator, "would you mind if I added some of Rachel's oat milk to thin it down a little?" he asked.

Shelby shook her head, "you can use regular milk, I don't mind it if it's in something and I can't tell it's there, I just don't like it on its own."

"Okay" Leroy nodded, pulling a blender from one of the cupboards and beginning to chop up some fruit, placing a glass full of thick red liquid on the table in front of her a few minutes later, "just have what you can" he told her, "don't force yourself."

He busied himself with making lunch for everyone once he'd given her the smoothie, not wanting her to feel like he was watching her, not wanting to add to the pressure he was sure she was piling on herself.

Luckily it wasn't long before Hiram and Rachel joined them and the awkward silence that had filled the room was replaced with happy chatter. "I'll see you tonight?" Rachel asked as Shelby said goodbye, Leroy happy that Shelby had managed almost two thirds of the smoothie he'd made for her.

"Of course" Shelby nodded, "it's Wednesday, so if you want…

"Yoga and dinner?" Rachel suggested with a small smile.

Shelby nodded and returned the smile, "yoga and dinner sounds great" she said as Rachel leaned in to hug her tightly.

"Here you go" Leroy handed over Shelby's usual lunch and travel mug once Rachel let her go, handing her a bottle too, "I made extra of that smoothie" he told her quietly, "so if you can't manage to eat anything at lunch you can at least try and drink that."

Shelby wanted to cry at his thoughtfulness, "thank you."

"You don't need to thank me for anything" he kissed her cheek, "have a good day."

Shelby nodded as she picked up her things, "I'll do my best" she said as she headed out to her car.

As it always seemed to, Shelby's day seemed to drag on for weeks, she did however manage to eat a few grapes between her morning classes, and instead of her usual coffee, she took the smoothie Leroy made her to VA practice at lunch time, managing just half of it during lunch but finishing it little by little during the afternoon, Shelby knew it wasn't a lot, knew that she should be 'eating' a lot more than she had but right now she felt like anything was better than nothing and she was greatful for anything that seemed like a 'victory' no matter how small.

"I'm back" Shelby called into the house when she let herself in, as always she'd sent Rachel a text as she'd left Carmel, letting her know when she'd be home, but unusually, Rachel hadn't replied. She didn't get a response but she didn't worry about that, assumed Rachel was upstairs doing her homework. "Rachel?" Shelby called as she walked upstairs, knocking on Rachel's door when she didn't get a response. Rachel's door opened slightly when Shelby knocked on it, allowing Shelby to hear the running of the shower running in Rachel's ensuite, "Rachel" she knocked on the door of the ensuite, planning on letting Rachel know she was home and then going to get changed herself. "Rachel" she knocked on the door again, frowning when she thought she heard something, "Rachel, are you okay?"

Shelby definitely heard Rachel sniffle again, "I'm fine" she lied, betrayed by the shake in her voice.

"Rachel"

"Please" Rachel sobbed, "just go away, please?"

Shelby sighed, "okay, I'll be in my room if you want me."

"Okay" the quiver in Rachel's voice broke Shelby's heart and she could only hope that, once she'd had time to calm down a little, Rachel would come find her and let her know what was wrong.

She changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt once she was in her room, flicking the the TV in once she was changed and sitting cross-legged against the headboard, not really paying any attention to the TV, unable to focus on anything but the fact her daughter was upset.

There was a gentle tap on the door about half an hour after Shelby got home and without waiting for a response, Rachel pushed the door open, her hair still damp and her eyes ringed red from the tears she'd cried, "Momma" she whimpered, flying onto the bed when Shelby said nothing but simply held out her arms, Rachel clinging to her mother as she began to sob again.

"Oh baby" Shelby held her close, "I've got you, I've got you." Shelby hummed softly, holding Rachel in her arms until she calmed slightly, "do you want to tell me what's happened?" she asked before kissing her daughter's hair.

"I, I don't think I can" Rachel whispered.

"Okay" Shelby was disappointed that Rachel didn't feel like she could trust her but she didn't push her, "then will you talk to your Dads when they get home please?"

"It's not you" Rachel whispered, "I mean, I…" she sighed, "if I told you I think I'd be putting you in an awkward position and I don't want to do that."

"What do you mean?" Shelby asked with a frown, "sorry?" Shelby didn't hear what Rachel mumbled into her chest.

"I don't want you to have to choose between me and Vocal Adrenaline."

"Rachel" Shelby pushed her daughter away from her slightly so she could look her in the eye, "tell me what's happened. And for the record, you are my daughter. There is no choice, you come first every single time."

Rachel sniffed and pushed her face back into Shelby's chest, "they think it's my fault you've resigned" she mumbled.

"What did they do Rachel?" Rachel shook her head against Shelby's chest, "I don't know if you think you're protecting me somehow, but Darling, if you don't tell me, I'll just make VA tell me tomorrow, I'll find out either way."

"They came to McKinley" Rachel whispered, "they threw…" Rachel's voice caught in her throat as she began to get upset again, Shelby rubbing her back slowly, "they threw eggs at me" Rachel whispered, Jesse, he, he looked me in the eye and cracked one right on my head."

"Oh Rachel" Shelby held her closer, "I'm sorry Darling, I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault" Rachel whispered.

"It's not yours either, and I promise Rachel, I promise you, first thing in the morning I will he speaking to the principal at Carmel as your Mom, and then at lunch, I will be speaking to VA as their coach, I won't let them get away with this, I promise you Darling, I promise."

"I feel sick" Rachel whispered, "thinking about all those defenceless baby chickens that…" she shook her head beginning to cry again.

Shelby shifted slightly, changing her hold on Rachel so she could cradle the girl in her arms like an infant, "it wasn't your fault" she said as she held her close, Rachel clinging to her as she cried, "it wasn't your fault baby I promise." She kissed Rachel's hair as she continued to cry, "is there anything I can do?" she asked.

Rachel shook her head, "will you just hold me?"

"For as long as you need Darling, I'll hold you all night if you want me to."

"I need to make dinner" Rachel sniffled.

"How about I message your dads, ask if they're okay with takeout instead?"

Rachel nodded, "will you eat with us?"

"Yeah" Shelby kissed Rachel's hair again, "I will." Rachel clung to Shelby, she half knew she was being pathetic, that she shouldn't be clinging to her mother the way she was, but there was something so incredibly comforting about the way Shelby was holding her, the feel of the circles Shelby was stroking on her back that she just didn't want to move.

"Sorry what?" Rachel suddenly realised Shelby was talking to her.

"I said can you grab my phone please" Shelby smiled as she pointed to where she'd left it by the bed, "so I can ask your Dads if one of them can grab takeout on their way home."

"Oh" Rachel reached for the phone, "sure".

Rachel sat back as Shelby typed out a quick message in the Berry family group chat she'd been added to, 'Rachel's had a bad day, would one of you pick up something for dinner on your way home so she doesn't have to cook, I'll pay x'

She got a reply almost instantly from Hiram, 'Sure, I'll grab Chinese on my way back if that's okay with everyone, and don't worry about the money. Is Rachel okay? x'

'She will be' Shelby replied, checking Chinese was okay with Rachel and telling Hiram what they both wanted before holding her arms out again, "do you…"

Rachel nodded, curling back into Shelby almost instantly, Shelby reaching down to pull the duvet up over them both, "thank you" Rachel whispered as she let her head rest on Shelby's chest, Shelby resuming the circles she was rubbing on her daughter's back.

"What for?" Shelby asked with a frown.

"For this" Rachel nuzzled into Shelby, "I know I'm too old for all this but…"

"Rachel" Shelby said softly, "you will never be too old for me to comfort you if you need comforting, no matter what's going on in my life I will always make time for you Rachel, I will do my very best to put you first."

Rachel snuggled closer to Shelby, "I love you Mom."

Shelby knew she'd never get sick of hearing those words, would never get sick of being able to reply, "I love you too Rachel."