Seattle Elite is about a half an hour drive from our apartment. We arrive at quarter to eight at night. Kate's wearing red Louboutin's and I'm in a matching black pair. Leila cancelled our afternoon meeting in favour of this evening. As a BDSM club, I'm not exactly surprised. When the lights go off is a renown worldwide saying for a reason. I'm unsure of what I was expecting but as we walk inside, it's definitely not this. The club is low hazy lights, but it doesn't look sleazy in the slightest. Chandeliers hang elegantly from the ceilings and the interior design is Art Deco red and black. The floors are smooth wood and the plush sofas and sophisticated tables are black leather with red accents such as cushions. My senses are flooded with the scent of vanilla and sandalwood and the bar is long and overflowing with drinks. There's a few people seated around a table and then one woman stands, smooths out her dress and walks toward us. I instantly recognise her as Leila. She's of average height wearing a black bodycon dress with black heels. Her brown hair is swept up into a bun at the nape of her neck and her lips are shiny. She regards us with a cool smile and I instantly feel a rush of jealousy crawl over me. My mind is assaulted with images of her and Christian together and I hate it. Kate, sensing my feelings, places a hand on the small of my back and I straighten up.
Put it out of your mind.
Focus.
"You must be Penny," says Leila, extending a hand to Kate. Her voice is low and husky. If sex were a person, it would be Leila Williams.
"Yes," Kate says, exuding a confidence I definitely do not feel. "This is my friend Hannah."
"Lovely to meet you both," she replies with a smile. "If you'd like to follow me, I'll start by giving you a tour and you can ask me any questions you might have."
We follow her toward a back room and then down a black wooden spiral staircase. I hold on in case I trip.
"Down here are the dungeons but don't worry, they're not as scary as they sound." Leila tries to make a joke, but nobody laughs. We enter through the first door to the left and it's an enormous red room. It's empty save for a lot of scary looking equipment and it smells like cleaning products and leather.
"Feel free to look around," Leila gestures and Kate and I head off to examine.
"What's this?" Kate asks, fingering some scary looking contraption with restraints and bars. It kind of looks like an exercise mat.
"It's a prison stockade," Leila responds heading over to Kate. She demonstrates exactly how you'd use it and even Kate looks taken aback.
After that, she shows us sex mats, swings, ceiling restraints and a thousand other things I didn't even know existed.
The next room is more of the same and then she stops outside a door. There's noise inside and I think I know exactly what's happening.
"Tonight there is a live sex show," she explains. "This one is for couples only kink, but we have a different night each day. Mondays are male only and Tuesdays are female. Wednesdays are for all genders/ages and so forth. We're extremely diverse here and we like to mix things up all the time. If you'd like to watch we can go right in."
I look over to Kate who's as confused and disturbed as I am.
What have I just gotten myself into?
I shake my head. This is far enough. I don't think I can stomach watching people engage in such extreme sex acts.
"That's fine," Leila says. "We can go back upstairs and get a drink. I'll answer any of your questions there."
We sit down now around a table at the back. The group of women have left and I sip a vodka lemonade in the hopes it will help calm my nerves.
"When you start this lifestyle, do you just jump right in or is there levels?" Kate asks through a sip of pink gin.
"Yes, there's levels," Leila says. "For example, if you wanted to start tonight, we'd arrange an interview where we'd discuss all of your limits and preferences. We'd also make sure birth control was sorted and access to medical care. Then we'd need to run a few tests as I'm sure you'd expect. After all of that is sorted, we'd assign you a mentor who would explain everything to you in depth, support you in your decisions and make sure everything is consensual and pleasurable. Depending on the position you'd want, we'd sort you out with a compatible partner who you would obviously be able to accept or decline. We'd continue until we found somebody suitable."
"Sounds serious," Kate mumbles.
"We have to ensure safety. Our club has such a high reputation for a reason," Leila explains as she sips on her margarita.
Kate asks a few more questions while I sip my vodka slowly. It seems surreal that Christian was once a part of this world.
Once small talk is out of the way, it's my turn to ask what I've come here.
"Is there anyway we could find out about someone who might have been here before?" I ask, before I lose my nerve.
As expected, Leila frowns and dismisses me. "All are clients here are protected. It's completely confidential."
"Christian Grey," I say. May as well as get to the point.
I've surprised her by this. She looks taken aback and loses her composure for a second.
"Excuse me?"
"Do you know someone called Christian Grey?" I repeat. "He said he was introduced to this lifestyle by you."
She takes a deep breath and downs the rest of her drink before standing up.
"I don't know what you're up to," she says, addressing both of us. "But it's clear you're not here for the right reasons. I think it's time for you to leave."
"I need to know why you introduced him to this life," I say, insistent.
"Come on," Kate says, guiding me away softly but I won't budge.
"Tell me why," I say, my eyes on Leila's.
Her eyes narrow coldly and she steps closer to me. "I don't know who you are or what you want but I'll make it apparent that I did not introduce Christian Grey to this lifestyle. I don't know what you think you know but it's apparent, little girl, that it isn't very much. Christian Grey was well versed in all aspects of BDSM before I ever laid eyes on that son of a bitch. Now do me a favour and get the hell out of my club before I call security."
Kate pulls on my arm before I can say anything else. Within seconds we are in the car.
"Why would he lie to me?" I ask my best friend, later that night in front of the TV.
"The only person that can answer that is Christian," she replies, sitting down next to me. "You need to talk about this properly with him."
"He'll be livid if he knew I went to see Leila," I say in a small voice.
All of a sudden I truly do feel like a silly little girl swimming in waters way too deep for her. I don't understand any of this.
"I think we should get to bed," Kate says, stroking my hair. "Tomorrows a new day. Talk to him and don't run away when things don't go the way you want them to."
I nod and she goes to bed.
I get out my phone and text Christian.
I'm sorry. See me tomorrow? Goodnight, I love you
- Ana
A reply comes through a moment later.
I'm sorry too. I'll see you tomorrow.
Goodnight, I love you Ana.
- C
A tear falls down my cheek as I hold my phone to my chest.
After Christian finishes work, he picks me up from the apartment. I give Violetta a ballet lesson, we watch a movie and then we both read her a story as we put her to bed. She falls asleep clutching my hand and I know in this moment, that I never want to lose her. Or the beautiful man next to me.
As we make our way downstairs, there is tension in the air. We both know it's time to talk but neither of us will approach it first.
"Would you like a glass of wine?" Christian asks me.
I nod, settling myself onto the couch and pulling the throw over me.
"Red or white?"
"White."
He smiles in approval. "That's my girl."
Two minutes later, he's back with the wine and I take a long sip before resting it on the coffee table. He moves close to me and starts to play with my hair. I pull him in for a kiss and the taste of wine on our tongues is slightly intoxicating. He's the one to break the kiss and pull back.
"We need to talk," he says.
I lean back, biting my lip. How can I possibly tell him I tracked Leila down? He'll be so angry. Luckily for me, he starts.
"You don't seem to understand me when I say BDSM was a part of past life. I don't need or want it anymore Ana."
"You said you missed it," I remind him.
"Missing something doesn't mean you want to do it again," he clarifies.
"But if I'm willing…"
"You're not willing. You have no idea the things it involves. It's very different from a pair of handcuffs Ana."
"I know what it involves. I went to Seattle Elite yesterday." The words blurt out before I can stop them. I can't take the agony of hiding the secret and delaying.
"You what?"
He puts his wine down and looks at me, hard. He says the word slowly and I feel my heart sink.
I sit up. "I know it was a bad idea, but you wouldn't tell me anything, so I told Kate and then she messaged Leila…"
He cuts me off, standing up. "Kate? You told your friend? Leila? You went to meet Leila?"
I nod, staring at my feet. I feel so small…
He doesn't answer and I know he's livid. The worst part is I can't even blame him.
"Do you have any idea how betrayed I feel right now?" He finally says. His voice is distant. "I tell you something in secret, a part of my past that is a sensitive subject and you relay it to your friend like common gossip. And then, to top it off, you track down my ex sub."
"Ex sub? You told me she introduced you to the lifestyle."
"It's irrelevant," he snaps. He runs his hands through his hair and stares at me. His eyes are hard. "How can I trust you? How will we ever go forward if we keep going around in circles? Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"
I'm crying now but he doesn't comfort me. "I'm sorry," I finally say and it's as pathetic as it feels.
He doesn't respond for a while. When he does, it's cold and emotionless. "I think you should go home. I'll drop you back."
I'm speechless. He's never not wanted me to stay, no matter how many times we've argued. Before I can respond he leaves the living room and I have no choice but to follow.
As we drive back to the apartment in silence, the only thoughts running through my head are ones of self-sabotage. It feels as though everything I touch turns to stone. I always hurt the ones I love and for that, I hate myself.
A/N New chapter in a few days! Hope you enjoyed! Thank you guys so much for your overwhelming support on my last authors note. I appreciate it a lot and I will be continuing the story because of it. Over on the blog there will be Christian's POV of the next chapter which will be him confronting Leila so make sure you keep an eye out for that because there's lots of drama. As always, let me know what you think, love Elizabeth x