Chapter 35
Kooky Byotch is standing over Mary and Bert, watching them scrub the stage in the Mess Hall. Two of her "connections" are with her, bruisers who suit the word "dirt bag" in every sense of the term. Kooky is pleased to know them and flirting with them dangerously. Indeed if she is ascending to Cloud Nine to be the best criminal she can be, she's doing a good job of it.
Mary and Bert are on their elbows and knees with their scrub brushes. At one point Mary gives Bert the dirtiest look she can muster. "Really?" she says, glaring at him.
"Sorry," he mouths for the umpteenth time that day, before he is tapped in the leg by Bruiser One's foot. Bruiser Two and Kooky Byotch laugh at this.
Mary Poppins is disgusted. "What did you go to jail for again?"
Kooky Byotch shrugs. "Theft over a few million and assault with the intent to cause self-harm. That's what I think they called it. It was just a game that a bunch of us played. Not so funny, as it turns out, especially when we started playing it with some lady friend of hers. That's when the cops caught us. It was Interpol, actually. On account that the first friend threatened to remove our ring leader's private parts if he continued to annoy her buddy. But Vevok Joz got us out of that. Paid off some nut who was obsessed with being master of his kingdom. Anyways, it's much better here. Vevok Joz encourages us to push people past their limits. Makes them stronger, he says. Don't you feel stronger?"
"Scrubbing the floor on my knees like a scullery maid? No," Mary Poppins responds.
Kooky Byotch couldn't care less. "We're going for a beer and to threaten a few Ascendants who aren't pulling their weight on Deck Three. They're having a visit with their kids, but we're going to put an end to that nonsense. That'll get them back to work. Can we leave you two alone to finish up?" Kooky tells them.
"Yes!" Bert and Mary yell in unison. Bert's back is sore and Mary's knees are hurting. Having Kooky Byotch and her bruiser friends watch them is unnerving. They need a break, if only from that.
"Fine," Kooky answers. "We'll be back soon, though, so no slacking off."
As soon as they are gone, Mary and Bert sit on the stage steps. "Get me out of here, Bert!" Mary demands.
"Okay, okay. I'm thinking," Bert says, hands on his head.
"Well, stop thinking and start doing! Mary Poppins is not ascending anywhere, other than to the top of Mount Everest." Then, checking the doors, she adds: "Also, we're not leaving this room. The door's locked."
"Do you want to climb through a port hole?"
"To fall into the ocean, Bert? Seriously?"
"Maybe not," he replies.
Seconds later they are joined by a number of children. Apparently, the Mess Hall door is locked from the inside only. The little ones have rags in their hands and they start dusting tables and chairs, eyeing Mary and Bert warily.
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun," Mary hears herself say.
Bert knows that tone in her voice. "Mary, no. Kooky Byotch told us to clean the stage. That's it. There's no time for anything else."
"Come on, Bert. There's always time for an adventure. But I don't have my umbrella, so we can't go anywhere." Placing her finger to her chin, Mary thinks. "But we can sing a song, can't we? Something to make our work go faster?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," Bert cautions.
"Pish posh!" Standing, Mary claps her hands, then: "Hello children! I'm Mary Poppins and this is my friend Bert. I see you're here to clean, just like we are. Tell me, are your parents aboard this ship?"
They nod cautiously. "They're practicing swimming in the stream - the one that'll take them to Cloud Nine."
"Of course they are," Mary answers dryly. "But enough of that. We need a song to help us do our work. What do you say? Would you like to sing a song with me and Bert? I'm Mary Poppins, by the way, the Mary Poppins."
One of the children steps forward. "We're only allowed to sing on very special occasions, Mary Poppins. I doubt this is one of them," a boy answers glumly.
"Again, pish posh. Every occasion is special enough for a song, especially one as dire as this. So come along, follow me. You too, Bert."
"Not a good idea, Mary," he cautions again, glancing around for a camera.
Mary ignores him. "So why have you cherubs been set with the task of cleaning, pray tell?"
"The Lord and Master says it's good for us. Hard work is like medicine for the soul, he says," another one, a girl this time, answers.
"Medicine. Hmmm, well, I know something about that. And if cleaning is like medicine for your soul, then I have the perfect song to help it go down." Dancing along the aisle, Mary goes: "Don't you know the job's a game...
And ev'ry task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way."
Mary holds her hand out to Bert. "Join in, Bert. I think the children need to see us trip the light fantastic to get into the swing of things."
"Ah, you know I can't say no to you, Mary Poppins," Bert returns, smiling. Taking her hand, they twirl down the aisle together.
The children are nervous, but eventually they join in. Soon everyone is singing and dancing on tables and chairs, waving dust-rags in the air like ribbons. Laughing the way children are supposed to laugh.
That's until Kooky Byotch and her bruisers reappear, scowling angrily. "I knew I couldn't trust you to finish the job! We watched you from the camera up there."
All eyes follow her finger to the corner of the ceiling. At first glance it's a fly on the wall, when really it's the smallest spy camera in existence. Kooky Byotch jabs at her wrist. Apparently the camera's linked to her Apple watch. "Off you go, children. Thank you for your help. As you can see, we have some Descendants in our midst."
"Descendants?" Mary Poppins asks.
"The opposite of Ascendants," Kooky snaps.
The children file out of the Mess Hall one by one. Some of them smile sadly at Mary and Bert, others wave gingerly. "Don't stay away too long," Bert tells them.
"What now?" Mary asks once they're gone.
Kooky Byotch laughs. "Now? Now you clean the stage all over again, but this time with a toothbrush."