Chapter 36
Several days have passed when Mary Poppins tells Bert she's had enough. "We're getting off this ship tonight!" she says that morning as they're rewiring the speakers on the Lido Deck. Already they've had a taste of Deck Seven, where they were permitted to tap dance for the Ascendants there. The critics were harsh, however. Bert's feet were heavy on the floor and, well, one of Mary Poppins' shoe's unlaced during their performance. This was enough to send them back to the Flounder Deck, where they polished the stage with orange oil. Daemon Redo was so impressed that he asked them to fix the speakers on the Lido Deck. There's a Serenity Now party happening that night, where everyone is equal. Everyone except for Glenda and Larry, who are being punished for putting too much pepper in the scrambled eggs that morning. They will work as servers instead of enjoying the festivities.
They are setting up tables when Glenda overhears Mary complain. "Psst, over here," she says, asking Mary to follow her. Thankfully, Kooky Byotch is occupied with her bruisers. Full of hot air, they are blowing up balloons and tying them to every available rod and railing. Otherwise she'd be in Mary and Bert's way, tripping them up, tearing them down, doing anything and everything to stop their ascent to Cloud Nine.
Hiding under a stairwell, Glenda glances around nervously. "You shouldn't be here. This place isn't right for you, or Bert. I've been talking to Larry, and we want to help you escape."
"How?" Mary asks eagerly, squeezing Glenda's hand.
"At the party tonight," Glenda answers. "Everyone will be busy having a good time. No one will know if you go missing. On my signal, Larry and I will take you and Bert to a rowboat. You can get away then."
"It seems too simple. Are you sure? What about Kooky Byotch?" Mary asks.
"Larry and I will get her drunk on Joz Coladas. She loves them and will be snoozing on a lounge chair in no time. You don't have to worry about anyone else. Mary, you and Bert are the only ones who've ever wanted to leave The Monte Carlo. Everyone thinks it's wonderful here. No one escapes because no one wants to escape. You'll be the first. Believe me, you'll shock the heck out of everyone." Glenda laughs.
"What about you and Larry? Will you come with us? You can't be happy. This place is insane." Mary sees Glenda grimace and changes her tune. "I apologize. I'm speaking out of turn. You and Larry like it here, don't you?"
Glenda's eyes are too glazed over for her to know if she likes it or not. "Tomorrow my eggs will be better. I'm sure Larry and I will be back on Deck Two after that. The sky's the limit then." She smiles hopefully as she says it.
"Right," Mary Poppins says. There's no point in arguing with a zombie.
A wrench is thrown into their plan when Daemon Redo asks Mary and Bert to sing a song at the party. They will be under everyone's watch after that. Still, they have no choice but to try to get away.
"I know the perfect song," Mary says calmly.
"I trust you won't let us down. There's nothing below the Flounder Deck, other than the ocean!" Daemon Redo jokes.
It's an amazing party. While some Ascendants bob for apples in their epic quest for greater wisdom, others hurl themselves into the pool to be one with their God Zugon. The Ascendants' Lord and Master, Vevok Joz, boarded the ship by helicopter that afternoon. He's resting on an enormous gold beanbag chair beside the pool, discussing important spiritual matters with Daemon Redo. On occasion he lets adoring worshippers kiss his hand. He's interested to meet Mary Poppins and Bert, who are introduced to him by Peon Frost.
"Well hello there," he says, rising to greet them. "So you're this Mary Poppins I keep hearing about, and you're Bert. You two caused quite a stir in Banda Aceh, you know. People are looking for you. But there's no need to worry. You're aboard The Monty Carlo, the safest ship in the world! How's your journey upstream going? Are you fighting against the current yet?"
"Every day," Bert answers, frowning.
"That's good to hear," Vevok Joz says. "I can't wait to spend more time with you when you finally ascend to Cloud Nine. Zugon says you'll make it there soon - another week, another year, it all depends on how you flow. Come on, flow with me now. Let me see your fins move. I think I see gills forming on your necks. It could be the light, but you never know."
Standing behind Mary, Vevok Joz lifts her arms then helps her sway them back and forth. He does the same with Bert, until all three have their arms in the air. Vevok Joz chants then, in a foreign tongue:
"Asha, asha, beanu wakadu yeti
Pooky poopey ugado kutcha wami
Mushi mushi mushi
Icki nobi do."
"Wow, um, that's different. What are you saying?" Mary Poppins asks.
"Shhh, I'm communing with Zugon in his own language - Grasnean," Vevok Joz replies. Closing his eyes, he swings Mary's arms left and right. "It's a beautiful language, one we know in the womb but which we lose the moment we enter the world. Zugon helps us relearn it in the stream. The words flow like poetry, don't they? …What's that Zugon? You want me to welcome Mary aboard The Monte Carlo? Zoynish, Mary. That's 'hello' in Grasnean. Zugon does you great honour by singling you out. He must see tremendous potential in you. And you too, Bert."
"Right," Bert says jealously, his arms jerking back and forth.
"This is pleasant, Mr. Joz, but I think it's time that Bert and I sing our song." Mary's arms are sore and Vevok Joz smells like coconut. She doesn't like it.
"That's right. I can't wait to hear it. Go, go. The band's waiting for you. Ishy bick." Vevok Joz waves them off.
"So what are we singing?" Bert asks once they are on stage.
Mary doesn't answer. Peering into the sea of people, she spots Glenda and Larry. Glenda nods. Standing behind her is Kooky Byotch, Joz Colada in one hand, white puppet in the other. She's strapped a headlamp to her forehead to keep an eye on things. She's high on Joz juice, though, and crashes onto a lounge chair. She's out. Unfortunately, her bruisers are sober and they're watching Mary and Bert closely.
Mary inhales deeply. She starts to sing, hoping Bert will join in:
"On a dark deserted ocean, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of coladas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night."
"Are you joking?" Bert whispers. In the background Vevok Joz is yelling: "Yeah! Right on!"
Mary ignores them. Glenda is giving her the signal, a cigarette lighter waving in the air, telling her it's time to go. That's because the two bruisers have left the audience to refill their plates with crab legs. Mary raises her voice:
"There she stood on the Lido;
I heard the mission bell…"
She pauses to look at Bert, who has also seen Glenda's signal. They can't leave, however. Mary Poppins and Bert are consummate professionals. They won't go mid-song.
"And I was thinking to myself
'This could be heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down on the Lido,
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to The Monte Carlo
Such a lovely ship (such a lovely ship)
Such a lovely face.
Plenty of room aboard The Monte Carlo
Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here."
Glenda's cigarette lighter is waving frantically in a sea of cheers. The two bruisers will return any minute to paste their dull eyes on Mary and Bert. Mary and Bert finish their song then leave the stage, smiling and accepting everyone's praise. Vevok Joz is cheering the loudest in his native Grasnean. No one suspects a thing. Mary and Bert look like other happy Ascendants, eager to meet Zugon on Cloud Nine.
"Follow us!" Glenda says once Mary and Bert are in the clear. Mary and Bert run with her and Larry to the lifeboats. This side of the ship is dark. No one has any intention of escaping The Monte Carlo except for Mary and Bert. They imagine they hear the bruisers' heavy footsteps behind them, but those two are still overfilling their plates with crab legs at the buffet table. Mary and Bert are free to go.
Climbing into the rowboat, Mary grabs Glenda's hand one last time. "Are you sure you won't come with us?"
Glenda stands back, shaking her head. "My eggs will be better tomorrow. We'll ascend to Cloud Nine soon, I know it." Beside her, Larry shrugs before holding her hand.
"We gotta go, Mary," Bert says anxiously.
"Alright then. Thank you for your help," Mary says as the boat is lowered into the water.
Moments later she and Bert are off, heading towards shore, wherever that is. It's hard to tell in the dark. Behind them everyone is still partying on The Monte Carlo - drinking Joz Coladas and bobbing their heads in tubs of water as they search for higher wisdom.
"What a nightmare," Mary mutters before turning her attention to Bert.
He's rowing silently. He glances at her just long enough to see her angry expression.
"What the fuck was that about?" she yells at him.
"Sorry," he mumbles for the last time, rowing while Mary Poppins, the Mary Poppins, fills his ear with obscenities.
(With credit to the Eagles, Hotel California)