Bill looked at Fleur and then Arthur before turning back to Lauren with a smile. "When you say, 'unless we can magic the house onto Mum and Dad's land', what do you mean?"
"Oh," Lauren laughed, grateful that Bill was playing along with her joke. "Well," she said, "so what I was thinking is, if you could all come over with your wands," she let go of Molly's hand, so that she could use it to illustrate her words, "and sort of cut out my whole cottage and its foundations," she made a rectangular shape with her imaginary wand, "down about six feet, like a great big bit of turf," she widened her arms to show the scale of her dream, "so you get all the things that are buried on the land and important to me. And the plants that we took from my mum and dad's garden, and the apple tree and Elliot's sandpit and my shed and everything. You can leave the fence," she said, amusing herself with the idea of making a small concession in the midst of her unachievable vision. "I'm not attached to that."
Seeing that Fred and George were grinning and clearly enjoying her fantasy, Lauren then began to move her imaginary wand sideways. She enjoyed having an audience just as much as Fred did, which was partly what made her such a good lecturer. "And then you can cut out along the bottom and get all the pipes and wiring and shit. I don't know how plumbing and electricity works but, hey, this is all magical so it doesn't matter. Obviously, you'll need to be on call to mend any worms that get injured in the process," she told Charlie, laughing at her own joke. "And then," she made a spiral shape and addressed the twins with the next bit, "you put it in a big net like the one Charlie used to move your products to the shop, but bigger of course, and you fly it on your broomsticks to The Burrow…"
Lauren chuckled, and ate her last chocolate. She was really enjoying herself now, and feeling much better, especially as she had managed to get a broomstick reference in. She looked around at the Weasleys, not wanting to offend them by going too far in her making fun of magic, but their faces all held friendly smiles, so she felt safe to continue.
"And then you dig a big hole in the space at The Burrow," she said, making more pretend wand movements, "and drop it in. Oh," she added, "although the cottage won't be big enough for when Charlie and I make more babies, so perhaps you could dig a hole that's about one and a half times the size and you can put an expanding cottage spell on it when you get it to The Burrow and before you put it in its hole and reconnect all the pipes and electrics and all that."
Lauren turned to Charlie, completely missing the amused glance that Hermione and Angelina shared after catching the look of delight on Molly's face. She hadn't missed that Lauren had talked about 'when' she and Charlie had more babies, and not 'if'.
"That might buy us a year or so," Angelina whispered, making Hermione laugh under her breath.
"What do you think?" Hermione whispered back.
"About babies?" Angelina frowned. The two of them had already discussed this.
"About living in the grounds of The Burrow," Hermione mouthed, not wanting anyone to hear.
Angelina's nose wrinkled, very slightly. "They already love the idea, don't they?" she asked Hermione, who gave the tinest of nods. Tomorrow morning, Angelina thought, feeling a little skip in her tummy, she would be privy to George's thoughts and feelings too, and she wouldn't have to reply on Hermione's bond with Fred. "Do you?"
Hermione moved her mouth into a gesture of uncertainty. On one level, she totally loved the idea. But she and Angelina both knew that there was a danger that Molly would interfere more than they might want. She didn't know how to reply in a way that would make sense without drawing attention to them, but Angelina seemed to pick that up, and she stretched her hand to adjust the bottom of Hermione's bridesmaid's dress and then pat her leg in a sisterly gesture that clearly said, 'we'll talk soon'.
Lauren was still waxing lyrical. "We'll probably still need to add another couple of bedrooms down the line," she was telling Charlie, who nodded seriously, "and I'd like an office in the garden, bit like your dad's shed, but none of that is urgent. Rome wasn't built in a day," she giggled.
"Will you want the electricity and plumbing reconnected, madam?" Bill asked, in his best impression of a muggle tradesman. He used his own hands to mime writing on a clipboard, delighting Lauren.
"Yes please, Bill," she laughed in reply. "I'm not ready to go completely off grid, thank you. So you'd perhaps better put us at the village end of the pond, and then," she waved her hands in the twins' direction, "Hermione and Angie can have their houses next door to each other with us on the end. And Ron, of course, if he's coming too."
Hermione and Angelina exchanged another glance. Angelina looked concerned, thinking that they had better have their chat sooner rather than later, before this was decided for them.
"She thinks it's a joke," Hermione whispered.
"Anything else, love?" Charlie asked, dropping a kiss onto Lauren's head.
"Mmmmmm, I don't think so," Lauren said. "Oh, well other than my own floo, of course. I'd like a floo please," she said to Molly, "so I can go places without someone having to carry me. And I can pop over for tea and to knit with you. Though maybe we should add on a new magical sitting room somewhere at the back, and then I can have muggle guests and my sister visit without any fear that people will suddenly appear in the fireplace. And, that way, we can keep the log burner to have cosy muggle evenings and also have the floo for when we need it."
She stopped talking, realising that she was in danger of getting carried away by her own imagination. Her fantasy wasn't possible and, while it was one thing to try and lighten the mood, she didn't want to go so far that she would experience a greater crash down to earth when she realised that none of this could never happen; that she would one day have to give up the property that she so loved if she wanted to move closer to Charlie's folks, which in every other way would improve her life. The one thing she could take comfort from here was the knowledge that she and Charlie had enough money between them to give her the time that she needed to adjust to the idea of leaving her beloved home.
There was a long pause, but not an uncomfortable one. Then Bill spoke, turning to Arthur.
"We'd need to get permission from the aurors' office to sort out the ramifications of leaving the space in Lauren's village," he said, matter-of-factly. "Can't leave a bloody great hole behind."
"Indeed," agreed Fleur. "Memory modification would be out, as too many people will have seen it over the years."
"What if we built a second identical cottage at The Burrow first, though," said George, after a slight pause, "and then swapped them?"
"Oh, that's a brilliant idea," said Arthur. "That would solve several problems in one."
"Good thinking, Georgie," said Fred.
"It would also mean we needed two teams of keepers, though," said Charlie. It didn't occur to him in his excitement that Lauren wouldn't know that dragon keepers specialised in flying giant cages around the world. Nor did he think to explain that they flew under spells of invisibility cast by aurors, curse breakers and other specialist witches and wizards. "Although, I could lead one and Piotr could lead the other; it's not impossible." He turned to his mum and grinned. "We'll need a lot of cake!" he joked, and she beamed in response.
"That's hardly a problem," she laughed.
Angelina leaned over so that she could whisper directly into Hermione's ear. "We need to find some way of insisting they all wear their dragon hide leather trousers," she winked. She spoke a little louder, wanting others to think that their earlier whispering had been along the same lines.
"Oh, Gods, yes," Hermione breathed back in reply, widening her eyes and making Angelina laugh.
"Oi!" said the twins in unison, good-naturedly protesting the fact that their respective wives were planning more entertainment for themselves and their sisters in the shape of fit men in leather trousers.
"We've only been married a couple of hours," George added, making Angie turn and give him a loving, sexy look which just about melted him. He leaned forward to caress her face, making Fred roll his eyes.
"Fat lot of good you are today," he snorted.
"Oh, you two!" said Molly to Hermione and Angelina. "You'll give me another hot flush!" she joked, fanning herself. Secretly, she was delighted at the way in which each of her mischievous twins had found a witch who wasn't afraid to joke around themselves and, when needed, go head-to-head with them.
A curious look crossed Charlie's face as he also contemplated Fred and George and the witches who were still snuggled in their laps. "Actually, if you four were up for visiting the reserve for a training day, I reckon we could add you to half a team. Your bond communication would be really useful."
"I'm not much of a flyer, though," Hermione reminded him.
"Easy," George shrugged. "We'll pair you up with Ginny, or maybe Alicia. They can fly you and you can help move the house. They're both well used to being in a team with the twins and Ange. And if Fleur and Bill warded us for invisibility, with Harry and Ron joining a team each just in case…"
"It's only at the point of swapping that we'd need two teams, anyway," Bill interrupted. "Although," he paused for a moment before continuing, "perhaps not even then. If we put muggle hoarding up around the existing house with some building signs on it, we could bring the original cottage to the quidditch pitch and there's enough space at The Burrow to do the enlargement and manoeuvres overnight and have the new house back in Lauren's village by sunrise the next morning. Mum and Dad could easily hold things steady from the ground," he said. He knew that both of the elder Weasleys would love to be involved, but would prefer not to be racing around on brooms these days.
Fred grinned. "Wow, Mum. Overnight catering for teams of dragon tamers and a few curse breakers; that sounds like your idea of a good time!" He sat up and did his best impression of his mother. "We're going to need more fairy lights," he said, waving an imaginary wooden spoon in the air.
Molly swatted at him, laughing loudly. "For that, Fred Weasley, you can be last in line at the pumpkin soup!"
Lauren's mouth was open. Were they teasing her, or just going along with the joke? Surely such a thing couldn't actually be possible, even with magic.
"You'd need someone like Seamus for the electricity and plumbing," Hermione added. "But he's just started his company and I bet he'd give us a great rate just because of the kudos of having such a stunning project under his belt."
"Don't worry about the budget though," said Charlie. "Especially if we put another cottage back where the existing one is; we can rent that out. I want to pay everyone fairly," he said.
"Wait!" said Lauren, using her hands to push herself up into a full sitting position.
They waited. It was a good half a minute before she took a deep breath and then spoke again.
"Are you saying that this might actually be possible, or are you playing along with me?" She spoke slowly, catching as many people's eyes as she could; trying to read their thoughts.
It was Arthur who answered. "Not only is it possible, my dear; it would be our pleasure."
"It would take some arranging, mind," Molly added. "We would need to help you pack up the contents of your cottage first, I think. Especially if we're going to apply an enlargement spell; you don't want to find all your furniture has grown in size!"
"Crikey, she can't reach most of her kitchen cupboards as it is, she won't want them any higher," Fred teased, and Lauren reached down to gently pinch the fingers that were still holding her left foot. But she was smiling as she did it. She loved Fred's brotherly teasing about their height difference just as much as he did.
"We can help you pack by magic," Angelina said. "So it would only take a few hours. Don't let Fred and George help with that, though! I saw the state of their school trunks!"
"Hey," said George softly, stroking her hair. "We hold the Gryffindor speed record for packing, you know!"
"You might well do," Angelina replied, "but you do not hold the Gryffindor record for having everything arrive in the same state in which it left!"
Hermione caught Lauren's eyes. She still felt a little responsible for having brought Lauren into the magical world, and was slightly worried about how her friend was feeling. "It is quite possible," she said, hoping to sound reassuring, "if you'd like to do it. But it will take a bit of planning, like Arthur says, so you don't have to make any decisions today." She remembered how Fred's constant reassurance in that direction usually helped calm Lauren's mind. "And," she stroked Fred's arm absent-mindedly while she talked, "we'll help you pack well so nothing will be broken.
The penny had now dropped for Charlie, who realised that he had some explaining to do. "I know it might sound crazy," he said, "but between us, with such a large family, we have all the expertise we need. Dad would need to lead the extraction magic," he added. When Lauren looked confused, he replicated the movements she had made with her imaginary wand. "You know, cutting the cottage and land out like a big bit of turf," he smiled, and she gently swatted his chest for making fun of her.
"Won't there be lots of red tape?" she asked.
"That's what Percy's for," Fred grinned. "He fucking loves red tape!"
Molly shot him a warning look for language, pointing her finger towards Elliot, and Fred pulled an apologetic face.
"Sorry, Mum; I'm just excited," he said, looking slightly sheepish.
"Dragon keepers are used to moving big objects to different locations," Charlie was telling Lauren, "so I'll manage that bit. Dad is the wizarding world's expert on enlarging bits of houses and adding rooms, and Fleur and Bill and Harry and Ron can all support the moving team, in different ways," he grinned. "And, as you've now heard, we can borrow or buy in any manpower and expertise that we don't have from other friends. We can do this, love. If it's what you want. Not overnight, and not next week, but we can do it."
"You have a think about it and tell us if and when you'd like to go ahead," said Molly, patting Lauren again. "We need to get this week done and dusted first, and help Kingsley," she said, "and I don't know what the autumn holds, but if it's what you'd like, I should think we could have you in by Christmas."
There was a pause, and then Lauren's voice was quiet. "I feel terrible," she said. "I'm really sorry."
"Why?" Charlie sounded surprised. "You have nothing to be sorry for!"
"I was making fun of you all when I suggested it," said Lauren, looking a bit sheepish, "and I never even imagined that you could make that dream come true. Now I feel silly… And sorry that I took the piss."
"You call that taking the piss?" Molly's voice held a note of laughter as she spoke quietly to avoid Elliot hearing her. "We've all had twenty years of Fred and George Weasley, lovely." She rolled her eyes affectionately at her twins. "If you want to offend us, you'll have to do better than that!"